Small Favors
by Doodle19
Summary: A surprising phone call throws Emily's life in London into chaos. A series of small favors set a new path. Life is never the same, and she must rely on her old friends and family as her life takes an unexpected turn.
1. Wanted

_New story. I debated posting for a while and decided to go for it. I own nothing but my own words, the plot, and the characters I've added. I certainly don't own Criminal Minds. _

**Chapter 1: Wanted**

The team was gathered in the bullpen early on a Tuesday morning. They came back from a case late Sunday and were given that Monday off, so this was the beginning of their work week, and they weren't quite expecting the days that were coming.

The day off prepared them for an easy week, but they were going to get anything but.

JJ was the last to arrive. It was a busy morning with Henry and Michael, so she was running late, but she got there in one piece, just a little more exhausted than usual. She entered to find Spencer and Derek leaning against their desks and Dave beside them, arms crossed as they all stared up toward Hotch's office. This piqued her attention. What was going on? Her eyes followed to see that Hotch was in some kind of closed-door meeting and moved toward the guys.

"Who's Hotch talking with?" JJ asked as she put her bag down by her desk. She could see him pacing by the window through the slight opening in the blinds.

Without even looking at her, no hello, Derek answered, "We don't know."

"How long has he been in there?" she tried another question.

"About 30 minutes, I guess. They've been in there since before we got in," Dave said.

"I'd say a little longer," Spencer said. "I came in early and he was already in there. That was about forty-six minutes, 27, no 28 seconds ago. They haven't come out once, but Hotch did go by the window two times."

Derek finally tore his eyes away from the room and to her. "He looked frustrated."

"That's just Aaron," Dave added. "You know how he gets after a meeting, especially unexpected ones." Though, something told Dave that it was more than that. This was no normal meeting, and he was as curious as the rest of them about who was in there with him.

"No one has any idea who is in there with him?"

"Nope, but I have Baby Girl on it."

"Where is Garcia?"

"In her office. She just got in right before you and is down in her lair seeing if she can pull up any footage to tell us who's with Hotch."

"She's just as curious as the rest of us, huh?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to check in with her. Let me know if he comes out or anything happens."

"Will do," Spencer said, eyes still trained on Hotch's office, hoping to find some insight.

JJ pulled herself away, heading toward Garcia's office, thoughts formulating in her head. Most of his meetings turned out to be nothing, just a department thing or this or that, but this one seemed to have everyone on the edge of their seats. Maybe it was the mystery of who was in there with him and what they could be talking about for that long, but it gave them all a knot in their stomachs.

"Hey Pen."

"Morning Buttercup. Just getting in?"

"Yup. The guys told me you were playing junior detective. Find anything?"

"Not yet. Waiting for my babies to load up. Then I'll be all over it."

While they waited for the machines to power on and systems to load, Hotch was in a very unexpected meeting. When he came in that morning a little early after dropping Jack off at school, he planned to do a little left-over paperwork from the last case so that he could, hopefully, make it home in time for dinner with Jack. That wasn't likely to happen.

He just sat down with a deep breath as he took in the mass of documents that required his attention when there was an urgent knock on the door. Hotch looked up and was shocked to see the man that was standing there.

"What are you doing here?" he curiously asked, his eyes intently focused on the blue ones meeting his and his heart beating just a bit faster in anticipation. He wasn't sure what to expect from this visit. Which role would this man be playing this time? Friend or foe?

"Can I come in?"

"Sure, come in."

"Good. Thank you." The man sat down, hands clutched in his suit jacket pockets. "I need your help. It's about Emily."

"Emily?" That definitely had his attention. "What about her?"

"She's missing."

"Missing?" Hotch was at a loss. What the hell had been happening in London? And what was going on with Emily? Trouble seemed to find her everywhere. "What happened?"

"Honestly…" he sighed. "We're not sure and that is what I need your help with."

"You think she's in America?"

"It's a possibility. Right now, we really just need to find out what happened."

The meeting only became more stressful from there. Hotch went from sitting at his desk, hands painfully gripping at his hair to pacing around as they went through details, of which there were agonizingly few. They worked on ideas, trying to connect dots, but they were coming up empty. And it didn't help that the other man seemed to be as worried as he was either.

Outside of his office, he was oblivious to the time and the team who continued to watch and wait. They barely moved as they continued to discuss what could be going on in there. It was nearing time for the morning briefing and Hotch was still tucked away. That wasn't an ordinary occurrence. Over an hour in there and no word, no orders, nothing.

All of a sudden, a rush of commotion came into the bullpen, an excited tech analyst and a less than thrilled JJ following behind came running in.

"It's Clyde! Clyde's in Hotch's office!" Garcia declared.

"Clyde? As in Emily's Clyde?" Reid questioned.

"I don't know that he's Emily's Clyde, but it's Clyde Easter if that's what you're asking."

An attitude in his voice, Derek asked, "What's he doing here?"

"You think Emily's somewhere around here too?" JJ wondered.

"Or is he here about Emily?" Leave it to Rossi to bring in reality. They didn't want to ponder down that road yet. It wouldn't lead anywhere pretty with their minds set on worst case scenarios.

"At the very least, she might know why he's here. I'm going to call her," JJ said.

JJ pulled out her phone and clicked on Emily's name, dialing the London number. The team leaned in to listen as they waited for Emily to pick up. "I'm getting the voicemail," JJ told them.

"_This is Emily Prentiss. I'm currently unavailable. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."_

"Hi Emily. It's JJ."

"And the one and only Penelope Garcia!"

"And Garcia," JJ continued. "It's been a little while since I last heard from you, so I wanted to check in. Also, the whole team is here and curious why Clyde's paying us a visit. Are you in town, too?"

"If you are you better come and see me, Emily the strange and great. We miss you!" Garcia said. Murmured chuckles could vaguely be heard around them.

"Anyway, I was just checking in. Give me a call, ok? Talk soon. Bye." JJ hung up, not comforted at all by the missed call. "Guess she's busy."

"She has a lot on her plate," Dave reasoned.

That was true. She did, but it was unusual for her not to answer. A silence settled on them as they pondered the missed call and the current circumstances, each calculating the time since they last talked with Emily.

"You know, I called Emily last week and got her voicemail too. She usually calls back pretty quickly. We haven't gone more than a week without some kind of communication since her move," Spencer said. They had biweekly Skype dates if their schedules allowed for it. "I haven't heard from her in over two weeks." And he was disappointed in himself for only just realizing that. Normally, he wouldn't think much of it, but Emily always sent a text or email if she couldn't respond with a call, so it was very atypical.

"She's probably just busy being the big shot Interpol boss lady," Derek rationalized.

"I haven't heard from her much either," JJ chimed in. "It's been about a month. Last time we talked she said that she was about to go on a case and would call me in a week or so after she got back."

It had been a while for all of them. And now, with Clyde there, Clyde whose only real connection to them was Emily. That didn't bode well.

"You think Clyde's here about Emily… Maybe something happened on a case…"

"And he's here to tell us in person…"

"What? Oh no… No! I don't like the way that sounds. Do you think she's ok?" Garcia worried. "Do I need to start looking through London hospitals for Emily?"

"Hold off on that," Dave quickly told her. They didn't need an international incident.

"One of us should go ask Hotch. See what's going on," Derek said. All eyes moved to Dave, silently nominating him for the job.

He returned that with a nod of acceptance and moved away from the desk. Uncrossing his arms, he headed up to the catwalk and gently rapped on Hotch's door.

"Just a second," Hotch called through the door.

Dave could hear the muffled, somewhat frenzied steps as the boss made his way to the door, presumably from his desk.

"Dave," he greeted the older man.

Dave's eyes narrowed as he tried to stealthily sneak a peek into the room. "Is everything ok?" He didn't have an answer. "We're waiting on you for the briefing. Is something going on?"

"Can you have everyone meet in the round table room? I'll be there in five."

"Sure… Sure. Is everything…"

Hotch cut him off and firmly stated, "Five minutes."

Hotch abruptly closed the door and returned to finishing his conversation with Clyde. Dave, meanwhile, was left with a double knot in the pit of his stomach after that interaction. His friend looked harried and stressed. That definitely didn't sit well, especially not now when Emily wasn't answering, and Clyde was in the picture. That didn't spell good news in any circumstance.

The only other time they interacted with Clyde was when the whole Doyle fiasco happened. Clyde liked to play a different game than them. He was fast and loose with the rules, but only because he was fiercely loyal and would do anything to help his friend. Still, in Dave's mind, for him to come to them, it would have to be serious and it would have to involve Emily. His mind whirled with the possibilities as he met back up with the team.

Immediately, he was hit with questions.

"That was fast."

"What did he say?"

"Did you see Clyde?"

"Did they look worried?"

"What's happening?"

"Quiet," Dave broke the barrage of questioning. "Hotch just said to meet him in the roundtable room."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

That didn't make any of them feel any better either.

"Did you at least see Clyde? Did he look worried?"

"They both looked worried," was all Dave said as he started walking to the roundtable room. They trailed behind as the words set in. If Hotch and Clyde were worried, they definitely were too.

As they sat around the table, they spat ideas out, passing along possible scenarios and profiling outcomes like they were doing a role playing game. None of them ended well. Their minds took them to the worst places, only a few times landing on happy endings, but they were being presumptuous. They didn't know anything at that point, thus the wandering mind.

"I think we're getting ahead of ourselves," Dave said, trying to be the voice of reason. "We don't know anything yet. It could just be that Emily's on a case, and they need our help."

"Yeah… Yeah, he's right," JJ tried to muster some enthusiasm and hope.

"But what's taking so long? It has to have been more than five minutes already," Derek said, getting impatient.

"I'm right here. Sorry to keep you waiting," Hotch spoke from the doorway, his tall commanding presence marred by a sense of discontent. "You all remember Clyde." He introduced the blonde Brit and ushered him into the room.

"What's he doing here?"

"I've come because I need your help," Clyde answered.

"On a case?" Their eyes widened slightly, hoping that was it: just about a case and not Emily related…

"In a sense, yes."

"In a sense?"

"I need your help with Emily," he started. "When was the last time any of you have heard from her?"

They all argued with him to just tell them what was going on. They didn't want to answer questions before they knew, but Hotch directed them to answer anyway. "It's important."

Similar to what they were saying earlier, the gang informed Clyde that even regularly set calls and communication have been lagging over the last month. When they called her, they got the voicemail or even on occasion, nothing at all. He wasn't shocked by that. He, too, noticed that she was a little off and much less communicative than normal, but with her, that wasn't necessarily something to be alarmed about, though definitely something to be conscious of. Emily had a terrible habit of getting into trouble and facing it alone, not ever asking for help.

"Now are you going to tell us what's going on?"

Clyde nodded and heavily sighed. "She is believed to be missing."

Not missing the word choice, Spencer was quick to jump on it. "Believed to be? What does that mean? There are doubts?" That begged for clarification.

"Yes, believed to be. About four weeks ago, Emily requested some time off. She had plenty of holiday time, and said she wanted to visit with her mother. She asked for two weeks' time and was given it, no questions."

"That doesn't make her missing," Derek pointed out.

"Correct. After two weeks passed, she called again and said she was delayed and would require another week. The call was flagged as unusual, but wasn't given much merit because the woman deserved some time off, especially after our last case. We lost an agent recently. However, I digress. The call was made even more pertinent when she failed to show up to work this week. Her mobile has been traced back to her flat. She was not there. Any efforts to track her have come up empty."

"Well, what about Elizabeth? Have you been in contact with her?"

"I spoke with her personally yesterday to no avail. Emily had no plans to meet with her mother. Elizabeth said that the last contact she had with Emily was over two months ago. They have spoken about plans for the holidays and played phone tag on occasion, but their contact isn't regular. I had Emily's team search for her. Records don't show her getting on or off any flight or transportation system. So, as of now, Emily is missing. I was hoping that you, Miss Garcia, would be able to help with that."

"Of course, of course, of course! You've come to the right gal. If anyone can find her, it's me," she said.

"I figured as much, thank you."

Garcia got right to work, grabbing her laptop from its bag and immediately clicking some keys to get started.

"Ok… So she's missing," Derek summed.

"Believed to be."

"Do you have any ideas as to what happened?" Reid asked.

Hotch and Clyde shared an ominous look. Everyone in the room found it hard to miss.

Dave's gaze narrowed as he asked, "What aren't you saying?"

"Hotch, come on. You have to tell us."

"Miss Garcia, if you wouldn't mind helping me out for a moment, I'd like to show you all something."

"Umm… Ok. What do you need?"

"My people have sent a file to Agent Hotchner. Could you be a darling and put it up on that screen?"

"I think I can manage," she said and hacked into Hotch's account to pull up the file. Clyde had to give her the encryption key to make things faster. Once it was up, all eyes were on the screen.

"This is a case file." Spencer stated the obvious.

Nodding, Clyde said, "It is. This is the Hadley case."

Derek questioned, "What's so special about it?"

"You think it's connected to Emily?"

"This one guy survived."

"Yes. That guy would be James Hadley. He's in critical condition. I've spoken with the doctors personally. They don't know yet if he'll ever regain consciousness."

Once again, someone asked how or if the case was related to Emily. Clyde vaguely told them that, though several IDs, mostly fake, were found at the scene, analysts determined that he was indeed James Hadley, and a friend of Emily's. research showed them as school mates in high school and friends since with little contact over more recent years. Garcia backed that up by pulling up Emily's yearbook and showing everyone their photos.

The team continued to peruse the file, looking at the gory pictures and the crime scene evidence, occasionally asking a question or two.

Spencer looked up from the tablet in front of him and said, "It says there was evidence. A fingerprint was found. Is there a suspect?"

Clyde nodded. "Yes. We got a match. That's how I came to be involved in a local investigation. I received a call once the print appeared in the system."

"Well? Who's the suspect and how does Emily fit into this other than just knowing the guy?"

His shoulders tensed as he stood before the other agents, preparing himself to tell them. "The print as well as some DNA evidence came back as a match to Interpol Agent Emily Prentiss. Right now, she's a prime suspect in the homicide investigation and wanted for questioning."

Slack jawed, the team just looked at each other in utter shock. Emily, their Emily is wanted in connection to a murder. There had to be more to the story… Right?

_Well, there's the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed. Updates will be regular since the story is finished. _


	2. Old Ghosts

_With the warm reception, I thought I would post this one early. With work and life, I'll try to do one chapter a week to give myself some time to edit the chapters. Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter and stuck around. Enjoy. _

_I still own nothing but my own words, the plot, and the characters I've added, and most definitely do not own Criminal Minds. _

**Chapter 2: Old Ghosts**

It had been a long day at work. Emily was up to her neck in paperwork. She loved her job and she loved England, but the paperwork really did suck. Apparently, that was one of the biggest downfalls of being the boss.

"How did Hotch do it?" she found herself asking that often.

Still, though, she really was enjoying her time in London. Despite missing her friends and family back in the states, she was happy to be where she was. After settling into her life there, she realized that she had more time to get out and do things, and she wasn't letting that go to waste.

Honestly, she thought having down time wouldn't be good for her, boring even, but she learned it was great. She would take day trips on weekends. She dated more than she had in years. It felt like she was truly living, like she was where she was supposed to be. Sightseeing the lesser explored, less touristy parts of England had become her hobby, and she was feeling like a real native.

That didn't mean she didn't miss everyone every day. She did, but she hadn't lost touch with them. She and her mother were working on their relationship. After finally getting in touch with Elizabeth once she returned from the dead, things were rocky between them, rockier than ever before. But they were both making an effort to improve things.

Plans to travel back to Virginia around the holidays were set, and they talked on the phone occasionally. It was improving slowly but improving. And she spoke with the team regularly, sometimes not as much as she or they'd like but still pretty regularly. JJ would call her at least once a month and they texted and emailed updates and pictures frequently. She did the same with Hotch, Dave, Derek and Garcia. She loved getting emails with tons of pictures of the kids and a few of the team snuck in. She and Spencer did video chats every other week. He would tell her about BAU happenings and his dating life and she would tell him about places she found in England and people she was meeting. It was great, though definitely not the same as seeing and interacting with him each day.

Garcia and Derek came for visits on occasion. Spencer did once as well, but they hadn't seen each other much, and Emily was looking forward to seeing them around Christmas. But that was months away and tonight she just wanted to soak in her jacuzzi tub and go out with Bobby, her current suitor. She was looking forward to it. But the night wasn't going to go quite as she planned. Life for her was about to throw her for an unexpected loop.

It was a Friday, midafternoon. No case came up and Emily was headed home. She lived nearby so it was a quick trip but she was more than ready to just get there. That tub really was calling her name. She parked in the garage and made her way up to the penthouse apartment – flat, she corrected. She was a Londoner now. When she reached her floor, she made her way in and threw her briefcase down onto the kitchen table, keys right beside that. As she was stripping herself of her blazer and shoes, her phone went off.

She raced to get to it all the way across the room, tripping over her heels halfway there. She landed on her butt with a thump, working to get up. But it was too late. Her phone already stopped ringing; the caller sent to voicemail.

"Damn it," she hissed, rubbing her tailbone as she walked toward the kitchen. "No point in rushing now," she thought and sauntered over to her phone.

Checking the caller ID, she didn't recognize the number and neither did the phone, apparently. It was local, though, and whoever it was left a message. So, she tapped the keys to get to her voicemail and let it play. A familiar voice hit her ears.

"_Emily… uh… This is James… James Hadley. I'm sorry to be calling you out of the blue like this, but it's very important. Vince and I are in London. I still had your number. I'm glad you didn't change it."_ Emily could hear the stress in his voice._ "I know you're here too. Please. Please call me back as soon as you can. I think… We need your help. All of us. We're in trouble. You were the only person I knew to call. It involves you too, you know… Please. I know it's hard, and we didn't end things well last time… Please just call me. I… I need you. We need you. And we miss you… Ugh…" _She could just picture him running his hands through his light hair, pulling at it just a little too tightly. He used to do that when he was frustrated. _"Call me back at this number. I'll have it for a little while. I'll try you again later. This is serious, Em. I… Bye…"_

Emily listened to the message again and again. Hearing his voice brought back a lot of memories, both good and bad. Over the last few years, their only contact was through letters… And it was better that way. It was how it had to be, so hearing him, being reminded of so many things… it was a lot for her. It was a tsunami hitting stagnant land.

It also worried her. There were reasons they kept their distance. If he was calling her like this, it wasn't good. He sounded panicked, she thought. There was a tone in his voice that went beyond stressed and straight to desperate territory. If he needed her help, of course she'd do what she could, but she was nervous to even talk to him. Last time they talked things were, well, hard. Things went down between them that made it best if they kept some distance. Years of distance.

Was Nathaniel ok? Was that why they were calling? What if he was sick? What if… There were many what ifs playing through her head, but she didn't want to stay on that track. She was just going to call him back and find out what was going on.

Emily must have picked up the phone a good five or six times, and each time she did, she put it back down hesitant to call. She was just so nervous to find out what James had to say. But he was James, her high school friend, someone she knew for a very long time. Their problems never truly stemmed from him. He didn't help them much either though.

"Just do it," she chastised herself. He said they needed help, so she couldn't put it off. She had to suck it up and just do it.

Emily tried again, taking a deep breath and dialing. She held her breath waiting for an answer and still wasn't prepared when she got one.

"Emily! Is it really you?" She was greeted.

"It's really me."

"Thank you for calling back... I need you Emily. He needs you."

"What's going on James?" She asked.

He cryptically responded, "Can we meet up somewhere? I need to explain in person."

"Where are you?"

"No, not here. Let's go somewhere public… Or I can come to you."

"Just say where James, and I'll be there."

He gave her an address and she told him she'd meet him there in an hour. James thanked her and hung up, leaving her to do what she needed before it was time for her to leave. For a moment, she mulled her plans. She would definitely have to skip the soak and wine, but would whatever was going on be resolved in time for her date? By the sound of his voice, she was guessing no, and, even if it was, she knew she wouldn't be in the mood for anything, especially not romance, after anyway.

Sadly, Emily made a call to Bobby and canceled their night. He wasn't thrilled about it, and neither was she. It was supposed to be a fun night and, now, she was anticipating nothing but stress. Quickly, Emily ran to her bedroom and slipped out of her formal work attire into something a little more casual. The entire time she readied, she couldn't help but run through potential possibilities as to what was going on. Emily could count on one hand the number of times James asked for serious help, and each time he did, it was never pretty and never ended well. She was really hoping this wasn't going to be one of those things.

Not wanting to waste time, Emily put on a pair of boots, grabbed the essentials, and left her flat. The place James picked was a good twenty minutes from her home, a little hole in the wall pub. It wasn't crowded at all when she arrived. Her eyes scanned the place seeing if James beat her there, though she was early. Not seeing him, she took a seat in a corner booth, one that gave her a full view of the space.

She waited, snacking on the bar peanuts set on the table as she surveilled. That was the only thing she could do to keep from biting her fingernails. She had been doing better with that, breaking the habit almost completely. Now the urge was back in full force. The sitting and waiting wasn't helping much. That was for sure. Anticipation was a killer.

Finally, she saw someone who could pass for James coming toward the bar. He had the same mess of light brown locks that he always had. It reminded her a bit of Spencer, actually. His physique seemed unchanged and his style improved, but he looked to have aged much more than the six years that had passed since the last time they met in person.

He approached her with a weary smile. He was happy to see her, but wished it was under better circumstances.

James hesitantly made the move to hug her, waiting to see how she would respond. She leaned into it and he said, "Emily, you look as beautiful as you did in high school."

"You've always been a bad liar," she said, returning the hug.

Once they released, she asked him to sit down and returned to her spot. She waited for him to settle, though he continued to fidget and remained quiet. He was as uncomfortable as her, though they both had to admit it was nice to see each other again.

Unable to watch him squirm, she asked, "What's going on, James? Is it Vincent? Nathaniel?"

When she said their names, his eyes lit up. "It was his birthday recently. Did you get the pictures and the letter I sent?"

"I did. He's… He's amazing. Growing up so much."

"He loves the baseball cap you got him. Wears it everywhere."

"I'm glad."

"He likes to play baseball too. He's not the best because we travel too much for him to play on a team, but he plays whenever he can and he's getting good at hitting."

She smiled, thinking about the young boy whom she cared very much about. She listened as James went on about his son. Every year around Nate's birthday, she would send him something and she and James would exchange letters. James would always include information about Nathaniel's life and an updated picture. She loved getting them, really, but it always made her a little sad too. She hadn't seen him since he was two years old and now, he was eight.

James got quiet for a moment and met Emily's eyes, sliding a picture from his pocket and over to Emily. She took it in her hands and looked at the happy little boy staring at her, all smiley and bright eyed. "He reminds me a lot of you."

Feeling more uncomfortable, Emily covered the picture with her hand, bit her lip to provide a physical pain, exhaled, and said, "No more stalling, what's going on?"

"I… Vincent's father found us. I don't know how, but… He found Vincent and, let's just say he's not happy. He's not happy that we're married and definitely not happy that we have a kid together."

"James… You told me he left home because he was gay, and his father didn't accept that…"

"That's true…"

"But? Obviously, there's more." … _Or a bad excuse for them to meet again. _

"But his father is… His last name used to be Bardolino… His name used to be Dominic… As in Dominic Bardolino of the Boston Bardolinos…"

"What?!" She was so loud, the few other patrons turned to look at her, but she didn't care, and she couldn't control it. The name immediately registered. That wasn't a name that someone who spent any time in the Boston area wouldn't know. "You lied to me James! You told me… That was the only reason I agreed to… You lied!"

"I know… I'm… I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough," she hissed, but she knew she had to focus on the problem. It was much more serious than she thought and being angry could cause her to make mistakes. She took a deep breath and shook her head, shoulders tensed and fists balled. "When did his father find him? How do you know he found you? Did you speak with him?"

"I didn't… It was… It was an accident. Things were going well. We decided to settle down. Nate's tired of moving. We thought we could stop homeschooling him and put him in real school, you know, truly settle down… It's been over ten years since Vince had any contact with his dad…"

"And?" She urged him to continue.

"We found the perfect place. It was right on the water, a park nearby. It was back in Virginia and Nate loved it. Everything was great, but then it was all shot to hell."

"James, not that I don't want to know the details, but I need you to tell me what I'm dealing with." That was her way of telling him to get to the point.

"Sorry," he said. "It's just. Things were perfect, Emily. We thought we were finally able to give Nate the stable life he deserved."

"What changed?" Still trying to hold her anger and even sadness back, Emily tried to get as much information as possible.

"We were planning one last trip before we officially moved into the new place. Before we could leave, we had to finish packing up the last of our stuff from the apartment in North Carolina. Nate had a cold, so I decided to stay with him in Virginia instead of going back with Vince, and since we were supposed to fly out from there anyway, Vince was going to meet us. Only, he didn't, not when he was supposed to."

"What happened?"

"He called me that night. Nate and I were getting the last of the things we needed for our trip. Vince was frantic. He sounded like he just ran a marathon and just kept saying his cousin Mario was there. He saw him. I don't know how they found him, but they did. And if they were at the apartment, they know about Nate. They know he's biologically Vincent's."

Emily's eyes bulged. This wasn't good news at all. If Vincent Hadley was once Dominic Bardolino, son of a high-powered mob boss in Boston, then there were reasons he ran and changed his name other than being married to James, apparently. Emily was dead set on doing an even more thorough background on the people she once thought she knew.

"Did Vince speak with them at all? Did they say they knew anything about Nathaniel?"

"Yes… Mario and his crew cornered Vince in the apartment. They said that they'd been looking for him for a long time. He called him Dom when he saw Vince, so he started running. Somehow, they ended up at the apartment. There was another guy there waiting. They started asking questions and telling Vince they've been looking for him for over 12 years. Mario called his father right then and there and told them about Nate. Vince heard his father say to find the boy and kill who ever got in their way. They want Nate, Emily."

Now she was more concerned than ever. "How long ago was this?"

"Three months."

"Three months?! Why are you just coming to me now?" Another reason for her to be frustrated…

"Vince thought we could handle it."

"What you mean is that he didn't want me involved," she sharply stated, angered that they waited so long and probably worsened the situation. "Not again and not after what happened."

And there was no way she could forgive either of them if that was a costly mistake.

_Hope you enjoyed this one. Chapter 2 down. I tried to respond to comments, so please check your PMs. _

_Until next time. _


	3. Friendly Favor

_Last time I'm going to write the disclaimer. Pretty evident by now that I don't own Criminal Minds. That will still be true with each chapter. _

_I had the day off from work, so had some free time to edit. Can't promise I'll always be this quick about updates. Probably won't. _

**Chapter 3: Friendly Favor**

"What you mean is that he didn't want me involved," she sharply stated, angered that they waited so long and probably worsened the situation. "Not again and not after what happened."

James looked away from her, saddened. "Yeah. He didn't want to involve you unless we had to."

"Damn it, James. You should have come to me sooner," her voice rose. "This isn't a game. This is _his_ life. If you and Vince want to play fast and loose with your lives, that's fine. I can't stop you, but with him… _You_ should have come to me."

"I know… I know that we should have. _I _should have. But this is where we are. We need your help."

She huffed, trying to squelch her feelings.

"Don't be mad Emily, you know how he feels."

"I'm not mad. I'm just trying to understand how he could be willing to put you and Nathaniel at risk just because he doesn't want to talk to me."

"It's not like that."

"It doesn't matter. Right now, we just have to focus on the problem." Or try anyway. "What else happened? Have you been here the whole time?"

"In England?" Emily nodded. "No. our trip was to Italy. We thought it would be faster to just get on the plane like planned and get out of Italy as soon as possible. Problem is that Joe Bardolino is a very connected man. There were guys waiting at the airport for us when we landed. We spotted them at baggage claim."

"What did you do?"

"Grabbed our bags and ran. They tried to grab Nate when we were getting into a cab, Emily. I had never been so scared. Nate was crying, Vince pushed the guy away, and we got in the cab just to get out of there."

"Where did you go?"

"We went to the apartment we were renting out for our stay. We paid in cash and made arrangements over the phone, so we didn't think they could track that so easily. At the very least, we had a little time there before we had to move again."

"And?"

"And we stayed there as long as we could. We needed a few days to figure things out. We were lying low, gathering a few supplies, and then we were out of there. Vince got us fake IDs, nothing high quality, but something good enough to pass through borders if we needed it. Hopped on the Eurorail and just traveled a while. Finally, I decided we couldn't put it off. We needed to come to you. You could help, and you deserved to know what was going on. I mean… Nathaniel is…"

"I know," she stopped him. "I wish you came to me sooner. How love have you been in England, then?"

"It's been a week or so. Nate has still been under the weather, so we didn't want to make it worse. He needed rest."

"Is he doing ok?" Emily asked with concern.

"Yeah… He's doing better. I think all the travel and stress made it hard for him to get over his cold. He's ok," he assured her.

"James… What was the plan here? Nate can't live on the run forever…"

"I know… I know that, Emily. I just… I didn't know what to do. Vince already changed his name to escape his father. We've been trying to live a normal life. As a family, we wanted to travel. How was I supposed to know that the moment we choose to settle down, all hell would break loose?"

Opting to view that as a rhetorical question, Emily asked, "Where are Vince and Nate now?"

"They're at the apartment. I got us one. Paid in cash and used a fake name."

"That's a good start… But it's not enough. I don't know all that much about him, but I'm worried that Bardolino can still find you. Can you take me to them?"

James looked skittish. He didn't think that was the best idea.

"James… This is about Nate. You can't just worry about Vince."

"Nate is _my_ son, too, Emily. I am worried about him…"

Emily read his face, something in her clicking, anger settling in once more. "Vince doesn't actually know that you came to me, does he?"

Shamefully, James shook his head. "No."

"Damnit James. I'm happy you came to me, but this is just going to piss him off more. The last thing we need is his ego getting in the way."

"It's not his ego Emily."

"Ok," she said pointedly and rolled her eyes. "Fine. Whatever. But if you want my help, we're doing this my way. I don't care what Vince has to say. I want to keep you and Nathaniel safe. That's what matters to me."

"I want to keep Vince safe too, Emily."

"Then get him to follow my lead. I will not risk Nate for him."

Silently, he nodded, knowing she was right. Vince was a good father and great husband, but he and Emily had their issues. That wasn't going to change and allowing her to help was only going to cause problems. It would be even worse when Vince's stubborn streak and pride kicked in and Emily's equally stubborn side and impatience with Vince came roaring its head. James was always stuck in the middle. He missed the good times before things went sour with Emily and Vince.

There were so many memories and so much history between him and Emily, but he loved Vince in a way he never loved before. If it came down to it again, given the situation, he didn't know how it would play out. Emily was the person he was counting on, but Vince was his partner, his husband.

"I understand."

"Take me to where you're staying. I want to see how safe it is, and we should talk to Vince."

"Let's go."

Emily stood from the table, throwing money down to cover the tab and tip. Both of their drinks remained untouched. She allowed James to lead the way, her watchful eyes keeping a tight lookout. After the little she learned, she knew they couldn't be too careful. She asked James how he got there. He told her that he bought a cheap car that would keep them afloat temporarily. Emily wasn't sure about that when she saw it but got in it anyway.

They were staying a good ten to fifteen kilometers away from the pub. There wasn't much traffic either, so the trip was quick, quicker than Emily hoped. She didn't have enough time with her thoughts. They were still all jumbled.

"This is it," James said when they were pulling up to a little parking area. "First floor."

Emily surveyed the streets. It didn't look like a bad neighborhood. Nowhere near as security driven as her place, but a good place to lie low for a little while. It would have to do for now.

"You've been here the whole time?"

"Just about. We had to stay at a hotel the first few nights until I found this place."

Her head snapped toward him. "You covered your tracks, right?"

"I learned from the best, of course I did."

"Good," she said and got out of the car, once again letting him lead her as she stayed on alert.

They walked up the building's entry stairs.

"1 C," he told her when they reached the lobby area, pointing at the other end of the hall. "Vince is probably pacing wondering where I am."

"Where did you tell him that you went?"

"To stock up on snacks and things we need around the apartment."

"How bad is he going to take this?"

"Imagine if roles were reversed. How would you react?"

She scoffed. "I know how I feel now and believe me… You don't even want to know."

When they reached the door, Emily paused behind James, causing him to still as well. Emily didn't know what she was walking into. She was nervous, and it wasn't about the danger or even facing Vince, poor idiot Vince…

James put his hand on Emily's shoulder. "He's not going to bite you."

"I'm not worried about Vince," Emily stated.

"I know." James nodded. "Nate's probably sleeping. He hasn't quite adjusted to the time change yet."

"Ok." Emily took another deep breath. "Let's go in."

Nodding again, James took his hand off her shoulder and moved toward the door, his jingling key making its way into the lock. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," Emily answered and waited for James to push the door open. She didn't know how she would feel once she got inside that apartment, but her heart was already pounding.

Quietly, James let them in and gestured to the living room. "Make yourself at home. I'm going to find Vince and check in on Nate."

She nodded and walked past the half wall, disappearing into the room behind it. Meanwhile, she could hear Vince call out to see if that was James.

"Yeah, it's me," he responded.

"What took so long? I was worried."

"Sorry, I had to take care of something. Actually, we need to talk," James said. "Nate still sleeping?"

"Yes… Talk about what?"

That was the last Emily could hear from their conversation. After that, she heard them walk further into, what she assumed was, their room and the door shut behind them. Nervously and impatiently, Emily paced about the room. It was scarcely decorated, but a child's drawings were scattered around the floor near a fallen box of crayons. Emily kneeled down near them and looked at each of the drawings.

They were happy and full of life. Nathaniel used a lot of color, green the most. That was probably his favorite, she thought. Green… Green was a good color. Yeah, she liked green.

"God, I'm profiling," she muttered to herself.

As she inspected the pictures more, she could hear yelling. Vince was not a happy camper after learning James went to see her and that she was there in their apartment. She heard a vague, "How could you" from Vince. She tried to ignore it and hoped that Nate was a deep sleeper. And while she continued to wait for the yelling to quiet, and the inevitable confrontation to happen, Emily continued to look through the drawings. Nate was no Picasso, but he had a handle on capturing people and things that not all kids had at his age. She was so lost in the drawings and tuning out all the ambient noise, that she completely missed the sounds of approaching footsteps.

"Who are you?" a little voice made her body still, catching her off guard.

"Nathaniel," she said, more to herself, but loud enough for him to hear before turning around slowly. "I'm… Emily." Facing him, she swore her heart skipped a beat and she was incredibly nervous again. "What are you doing up?"

His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. Even in the dim room, she looked familiar to him. "I know who you are."

"You do?" she asked.

"Yeah. You're the Emily in Daddy's picture. You and me when I was a baby."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm." He moved closer to her, holding something close to his chest. "You're pretty."

"Thank you," she said and took a seat on the small couch. "What are you doing out of bed?"

He shrugged and whispered, "They're fighting."

"I know."

Sadly, Nathaniel told her, "I can't sleep. My dads fight a lot now and then they wake me up sometimes."

The way he said that broke her heart, even more so because she knew that, this time, it was about her. "I'm sorry that they're fighting."

"It's ok," he said and sat beside her. Her heart was racing again. "They always stop."

"Are you ok? Do you want me to help you back to bed?"

His big eyes looked to her and he asked, "Can't I stay with you?" He looked almost scared, like he wanted some company other than his fathers just as much as she did.

Nodding, she responded, "Of course. But only if you lie down and relax."

He agreed and made himself comfortable against her. _He's a friendly kid,_ she thought. _An amazing kid. _

Emily grabbed the throw blanket and wrapped it around him. "Try to relax. I know they're loud, but they'll be ok."

"I know," he sighed. After a moment of silence, Nate asked, "Daddy said he was going to see someone special. Was that you?"

She smiled and fully took in the boy's face, the streetlights streaming through the window and onto his features. He was such a handsome boy and in desperate need of a haircut. His long dark hair fell over his eyes, and she had to hold her hand back from brushing it away so that she could get a better look at his face. But she left him alone as he laid on her.

"Maybe. You'll have to ask him."

"Ok."

There were so many things she wanted to talk about with the little boy, so many things she wanted to learn, and she was too afraid to even try. "What's that you have there?"

"This is Patch, my dog. I've had him forever."

"Can I see him?"

"Ok, but you have to give him back," Nate agreed.

"I promise."

Nate slid his hand out from under the blanket and passed her the stuffed dog. When he put it in her hand, Emily felt tears well. That dog was the one she gave him when he was just over one year old, and he still had it. It would appear, simply by how beaten up it was, that he loved it. A part of her knew he would when she bought it for him.

"He looks special."

"He's my best friend."

If her heart wasn't broken before, it was then. He moved as much as she did as a kid making finding and keeping friends hard. He didn't deserve that.

"I bet you take very good care of him."

"I try. Sometimes he gets hurt when we play. Daddy had to give him stitches before." Nate yawned as he told her about the time Patch's eye fell off and they couldn't get it back on, so now he only has one.

Seeing him falling asleep, Emily took one last moment to squeeze the dog and put him back with his rightful owner. "It just shows how much you love him," she said.

"Yea."

Seeing that he was nearly asleep, Emily did something her father used to do to her when she was tired and fighting it. She put her hand on his head and rubbed gentle circles on his scalp. It didn't take long for him to succumb to slumber and Emily to soak in the moment.

"Sleep well," she whispered to him. "I promise I'll help keep you safe."

The fighting seemed to slow as Emily sat in the quiet room. Either that, or she was so enamored by the little boy that she just continued not hearing it.

"What are you doing with him?!" Vince yelled when they came into the room. He was stunned to see Emily near him.

"Quiet," both Emily and James hissed. "He just fell back asleep," she told them. "Your arguing woke him up."

Vince and James looked away from her embarrassed, but Vince didn't stay that way for long. "I don't want you here, Emily. Stay away from _my_ son."

"I don't care if you want me here. I am. I am here. James came to me like you should have from the very beginning, before we ever got to this point. I'm here to help. I'm here to protect Nate, whether you like it or not," she said, holding her ground.

Vince rolled his eyes. Their bad blood was still running deep into their veins, and, though it laid dormant for many years, was starting to boil inside them. "Come on Vince. Sit down and let's all be adults. And please, be quiet. Nate is sleeping. We already woke him once."

Huffing, Vince agreed, and the couple sat in the loveseat adjacent to Emily.

"I need you to start from the beginning," Emily told them firmly. "Tell me all the lies and truths you've kept from me over the years." There was an anger in her tone, and it was justifiable. She was realizing there was a lot more to the story dating back years that, had she known about it all, would have affected many of the choices that she made. It was all a little frustrating.

Emily emphasized that Vince and James had to start from the true beginning. She wanted to gage how much James knew before things between the three of them went down and got messy, how much he knew and entangled her into the web.

"Start with how you met. The truth."

"What I told you was true, Em," James assured her. "We met at a club about two years before I introduced him to you… We got to know each other and fell in love." He looked so nostalgic, but Emily wasn't feeling it with him.

"Did you know? Did you know who he was from the start? Who his family was?"

"He didn't," Vince answered. "Not at first."

Now Emily asked for the details. She learned that the two dated in secret for a little over a year before James learned some, but not all of Vince's history. When they met, he introduced himself to James as Vincent Kane, the name he used when he went to gay clubs and wanted to escape from his father's world. It was a name only he knew about, and it stuck when he fell in love with James. Vince quickly revealed that his father was unaccepting of his lifestyle. Basically, Vince told James that his father was a racist homophobe and, James said that made him love Vince more for still living his true life while his father was such an oppressive figure.

If Emily wasn't so upset and frustrated by the situation, she would have found the story romantic and adorable, but now, she just needed to know the important things.

"When did you find out Vince was really Dominic Bardolino?"

"Right before I introduced you," he responded.

"I had to tell him the truth. I didn't want to hide him, my real self, or our relationship anymore. I just wanted to escape from my life and start over with him. So, I told him that my father was not a good guy, that he…"

"Was a mob boss?"

"Not quite, but I alluded to it. He knew that my father did some terrible things and was a very bad man. I told him the rest later on."

Emily tried not to read any more into that. She didn't want to be more upset than she already was, though, the more she learned, the more some of her anger landed on James for keeping all of this from her. But she remained mum while they continued their story.

James told Emily that they worked to cover his identity. Vince's family was from Boston and, at the time, he was going back and forth between there and DC to be with James, so it was more than time for him to make the break from his family he always wanted.

"I loved James and I wanted a life with him, but if I didn't leave my family and they found out about him, they would have killed him and sent me to one of those camps that claim to turn gay people straight. So, I moved out here, completely changed my identity, and officially became Vincent Kane. My father had my brother, so I didn't think he'd worry too much. I knew we'd be ok."

"But you're not. Not anymore."

"We were for a long time."

"I need to know more about your father, and let me start this by saying that, the moment I leave this apartment, I will be doing an in-depth search, so don't leave anything out."

Vince silently nodded and told her everything. His father was a murderer, a drug smuggler, an arm's dealer… "Hell, if you told me he was a suspected terrorist, I'd believe that too. He's mixed up in everything and willing to do anything to make a few bucks. All he cared about was getting women in his bed and keeping his wallet fat."

Emily didn't like anything that they were saying. She asked specific questions to better understand her options. How much did Vince know about his family's business? Had he ever seen a crime be committed? Did he ever take part in any of the illegal dealings? She needed to know the answer to all.

What she gathered was that Bardolino was a very connected man with a reach that went far beyond Boston and the whole North East. Emily was only vaguely familiar with the name and the crimes connected, but that was enough for her to worry more about Nate's safety.

Emily gathered as much as she could. She asked about more recent times, last contact, and all that. Though it felt like something was missing from the story, Emily knew enough to see the real danger in their situation. So, reluctantly, she made them an offer.

"If this is as bad as I think it is… Say the word and… And I'll make you disappear forever."

"Forever?"

"Yes. New names, new identities… Everything you would need for a fresh start. You'd have to cut off all contact with everyone that you know and start over."

"But Emily… If we did that then…" His eyes shifted to sleeping Nathaniel who Emily had been trying and failing to avoid all night. The boy was just comfortable with her and, god help her, she was comfortable with him.

"I know… I know," she said. Ten years ago, she made a choice, and now she had to make another. Helping them, she knew, was the right choice, no matter the personal cost to her.

_Emily was stunned… Absolutely stunned with what James just asked her to do. She sat there across from him really trying to pick her jaw off the floor. Did she hear him right? Was he really asking her what she thought he was? He wanted her to… to what?_

"_James that's… That's crazy. You're crazy. You understand that, right?"_

"_Is it though? Emily… You're one of my best friends. We've known each other for years. I know you and your history…"_

_She shot him a look telling him not to bring things up that were better left in the past. "James…"_

"_Just think about it, Emily," his eyes pleaded along with his words. "Please. It's important to me, and you know I'd keep you involved if you wanted to be."_

"_This is… It's… a lot." There was no way to put what she was feeling into words. She was stunned. The voice in her head was saying yes and screaming no… There was an emotional rollercoaster playing out in her mind's eye and she couldn't predict how the ride would end. _

"_I know, but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather use."_

_Did he not get it? Did it not sound as absurd to him as it did to her? "We're not talking about you borrowing my favorite sweater here. This is… This is about…"_

_He cut her off, "Emily, I know."_

"_You want... you want to have a baby with me," she said, now in her own little world repeating the things he said to her._

"_Not exactly."_

"_You want me to give you my eggs so that you can have a baby... with me. A baby!" She was processing it slowly. _

_It seemed to come out of nowhere to her. She and James were close. They saw each other as often as schedules allowed and talked when that didn't work out, but this… This was beyond the scope of a normal friendship. _

"_I don't understand how you came to this point. Please explain it to me. I thought you didn't even want kids."_

"_For a long time, I didn't think I did. But I love Vince and we're practically married. He's my partner, my husband even if not legally yet. We want a family."_

"_And I factor into this how?" she asked, an indignant curiosity. She was so confused with all of this._

"_Come on. You remember in high school. You were on one of your I hate men kicks; said you'd never settle down. We both said children weren't in the cards for us, but made a pact that if we wanted children later on and weren't in a relationship, that we could have them together and, at least, there would be no romantic feelings between us to mess the kid up because of break ups and problems of the heart. It's kind of like that."_

"_This is not the same. Not at all. How does Vince feel about this? How did I become a part of your family plan?"_

"_Vince and I talked about this a lot, Emily. We went through every possibility. We want a child and, as two men, we need a woman involved."_

"_And that woman is me?" she questioned again. She needed to understand their thought process so that she could understand her own feelings. _

"_We know we're going to hire a surrogate, but we don't want to use her eggs because we don't want an anonymous donor. We want it to be someone we know and care about…"_

"_And you thought, 'Emily Prentiss. She's the future mother of my child?'" Sounded pretty crazy to her. _

"_No. There were many conversations that led there."_

"_Like?"_

"_Like the fact that you're the one person other than Vince that I love and trust enough to even ask to be involved in this. And, hell, if you weren't some up and coming Interpol agent and I didn't think you'd get too attached, I'd want to ask you to carry the baby too. But I know you, and you'd… you couldn't do that. Look. We already found a surrogate who has done it before and is willing to be ours, but we need the donor egg. I know it's a lot to ask, but we want you. I want it to be you."_

_Emily was still silent, waiting for him to continue. He just told her all about what would happen, medically, and how there was nothing too invasive or crazy that she had to do. That kind of thing. She didn't really hear any of it. That was the least of her concern. _

"_Vince was reluctant to ask you, but I know… I know any kid that comes from your genes… That will be a good kid. A great kid that's half you and half me or Vince."_

"_I just… I don't understand how this would or even could work."_

"_We'll talk about it. I promise. I'll make sure you play some kind of role if that's what you want…" Though, even then, he wasn't sure how Vince would feel about that. Still, he wanted it to be Emily. _

"_I don't know… Have you thought about adoption?" She knew the answer to that. Of course, they did, but it wasn't really an option because of their situation. _

"_You know that wouldn't work. One background check and the red flags would start shooting up around Vince."_

"_Yeah…"_

"_What do you think, Emily?"_

_What did she think? There was no ready answer. She didn't know what she wanted or what she thought. She didn't know much of anything right then. Her head felt muddled as it went into overload and tried to process this request. _

"_I need time to think about this… I just… I need time."_

"_Ok," James agreed. "You're right. It's a big decision. Take the time you need." _

_He said it, but it didn't come out like he meant it. Emily could tell that wasn't the answer he wanted, and he was sad that that was the result he got. But she needed time. She had to think about it. Was there a chance that it wasn't as out there as she thought it was?_

_Even if it was… She ended up saying yes anyway. It was the best and worst decision she ever made in her life._


	4. Choices

_To address a comment, I understand where the feelings that this story has similarities to the Doyle and Declan storyline come from, but if you keep reading, you will see there's a lot more to it than meets the eye. Or don't read. That's your prerogative. There's no stabbing with a table leg. _

**Chapter 4: Choices**

They agreed to do it. Vince, James, and Nathaniel were going to be reborn with new identities and everything as soon as Emily could manage. She was reluctant to even leave them that night, desperately wanting a little more time with Nate and James before she said a final goodbye, but she had to go do some research and set the ball in motion. Their exit plan began the moment she left their somewhat rundown London flat.

Emily went home saddened but intent on keeping them safe. The first thing she did was pour herself that glass of wine she absolutely needed and nearly chugged it before heading to her bedroom. There was a large wall safe buried deep in her closet with a box in it that she wanted to pull out. She always knew exactly where it was, and, generally, avoided it, but there was no better time to face it.

She pulled the box out from the safe, brushing her hand over the wood detailing. The box itself was special, something she fell in love with and bought during her travels. She was in Peru before starting college and she met this older man. Maybe she was crazy for talking to him, a stranger, but she was young, and he seemed harmless. Thinking about her occupation and all she had witnessed, she was definitely seeing her own naivety then, but it was a different time.

The point was, he showed her this beautiful handcrafted box and told her about the history of Peru. In the wood were Incan symbols, intricate weavings of the Incan history and Nazca lines. The dark wood had the flower of life prominently displayed on the top, a beautiful geometric pattern that remained the oldest known holy symbol. Around it were coca leaves and a dragonfly, but her favorite was the butterfly. The symbol for transformation stuck with her because so much of what was in that box was part of her own transformation, a small piece to the Emily puzzle.

The box was special, but what was inside of it was just as important to her. Pulling the key out, she unlocked it and looked through the contents. There were neat stacks of envelopes and small trinkets, each connected to each other. There were nine years' worth of letters from James and Nathaniel. Every year, she'd get at least two: one from Nate's birthday, which happened to fall in June, and one at Christmas. They were her gifts and she looked forward to them as much as she feared them. Sometimes it was just hard to hear from them and see how they had changed when she wasn't a part of their lives.

Along with the letters were pictures, stacked in chronological order. On the top of the pile was one of her with James and Vince. Looking at it immediately sent her mind drifting back to the beginning, back when she and Vince got along well enough, and James was still one of her close friends. That was before everything changed.

_Emily thought long and hard about her answer, and, even though the rational part of her was telling her she should say that she couldn't do it, her heart said yes. Her friends wanted a baby, and she was their choice to help make it happen. That made her feel special, but also worried which was why she made a point to talk with them as much as possible. Every time they talked about it, James lit up. He became so hopeful and so happy at the possibility that she found it hard to turn him down. She hadn't seen him like that since before his mother died. So, despite her qualms, she told him yes. She'd do it, and his reaction was priceless._

"_Yes! Yes, as in you'll do it?!"_

"_Yes," she agreed. _

_James ran to her and squeezed her, kissing her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't wait to tell Vince. I'm going to call him right now."_

_The biggest smile on his face, James spoke with Vince and Emily swore she heard a squeal on the other end of the phone once the words, "Emily said she'll do it. We can have our baby," were uttered. James walked over to her and passed her the phone. "He wants to talk to you."_

_She took the phone and put it to her ear. It turned out that, despite his hesitancy to use someone they knew as a donor, Vince was incredibly excited. He wanted to thank her personally and asked her to come to dinner. She agreed mostly because their excitement was contagious. The joy was everywhere. _

"_I really can't thank you enough. You know you're one of my favorite people ever, right?"_

"_I know, James," Emily said as he continued to squeeze her in the longest hug known to man. "We'll talk more details later, ok?"_

"_Sure. I should get home to Vince. He's just as thrilled as I am and we're going to celebrate. But we'll see you for dinner tomorrow, right?"_

"_Right. Have fun."_

"_We will. Go have some fun of your own… just not too much fun."_

"_I'll try my best," she teased, smile still plastered on. _

_Both left, James meeting Vince before they went out to have a romantic celebration. Emily, however, remained unsettled as she went home and contemplated her choice. She wanted to do this for them, but there was something in the pit of her stomach saying this was a bad idea, to turn back now. But that was nullified the next day when Vince showed up at her apartment before they were supposed to meet, much to her surprise. _

"_Hey… Did I get the time wrong? What are you doing here?" she asked, sticking her head out the door to look around. "Where's James?"_

"_Sorry, just me. Here," he shoved a bouquet of yellow roses her way. "These are for you."_

"_Thanks. Come in."_

_He followed her as she made her way into the kitchen and began putting the flowers in a vase. All the while, she looked at him curiously, wondering what made him come over alone and with a gift. He nervously shifted waiting for the moment to begin talking. _

"_So," Emily began. "You going to tell me why you're here?"_

"_I just… I just wanted to see you."_

"_Why?"_

"_We're friends?"_

"_We are friends by circumstance. We get along, we like each other, and in any other situation, we'd never speak. And none of that is news to you. So, what's really on your mind?"_

"_I just wanted to thank you. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision for you, but it means the world to us. I was worried at first, asking you because, well, I thought you'd say no, and James would be heartbroken. He was dead set on it being you. He has this image in his head about what the kid would look like… You know a little piece of you and him or you and me. A baby girl with your hair, your chin, and his blue eyes, his button nose… A baby boy that had your eyes, my messy, gelled hair… There are so many different versions of these tiny people and I… I can picture them all. I fell in love with the idea of those kids, of our baby, boy or girl. So, I became attached too. For that dream to become reality, we need you. You're part of our dream."_

_Emily didn't know what to say. It was a vivid picture, one that she found herself imagining in a daydream like state as he spoke, but now she felt more of a pressure than before. Over the years, she and Vince had become friendly – she wouldn't necessarily say they were friends – but they were never incredibly close. They were just two people who came to enjoy each other's company because of their mutual love for James. But in that moment, as Vince was talking about how she was part of her vision, she felt connected to him. That hadn't happened much before. _

_Vince continued on, speaking about the future, about how he could see the kids growing up with her wit and intelligence, James' outgoing nature, and his enduring tenacity. "The kid's doomed to be the most stubborn human on the planet with any of our DNA." _

_Wasn't that the truth? That kid, that nonexistent kid already wormed its way into Emily's heart. She was falling into the trap. She was picturing it too, more and more as he spoke. _

"_So I need to make sure you get this, that we want this to happen. You want it to happen too, right?"_

"_Yeah… Yeah I do Vince."_

"_Good…" That was what he hoped and the main reason he came over there, so he was set. "Then I guess I'll leave you to it, and I'll see you tonight."_

"_Ok… Um… thanks for the flowers."_

"_You're welcome."_

_Emily wordlessly walked him to the door, not opening it just yet._

"_One question before you go."_

"_Yeah?" he responded. _

"_Who's going to be the father… biologically speaking?"_

"_Yet to be determined." Emily let that go. The curiosity wouldn't last long, anyway. James told her everything, so when they knew, no doubt she would too. _

_She pulled the door open for him and waited behind it, but he stopped in the doorway._

"_Emily," Vince quietly said._

"_Yeah Vince?"_

"_It's not just James… I love you too, you know? We're more than friends of convenience. I want you to know that… And thanks for doing this."_

_A bit astonished, she responded, "I… You're welcome." _

_And just like that, her fears were temporarily quelled. The way she felt in that moment, the great feeling of the impact she would be making, was enough to make her forget or at least ignore her worries. _

"Focus," she told herself, locking the box back up and returning it to its hiding place. Out if sight, out of mind. It wasn't the time to stroll memory lane. There were things to be done. So, after the much-needed moment to herself to reminisce, she pulled out the secure laptop. Her tech guys taught her a few tricks to help keep searches private and hard drives clear, so she would be able to do what she needed without leaving a trail, and she'd make Garcia proud in doing so. Putting all else aside, she got to work.

Based on what Vince told her, Bardolino was involved in some nasty things. Just from their conversation, she could connect him to several cases in Interpol's databases that even the agency hadn't figured out he was involved in.

"Pays to have an inside source," she quipped.

If she could find cold, hard proof of the misdeeds and really work out the web, she knew that she could eventually pull them out of hiding, and that was something she wanted to work toward. No kid should have to grow up in hiding if there was a way out of it. Until then, she had to get the documents set up, move them or make their location more secure, and make herself okay with all of this.

Nate was being raised by two men she once trusted and who, she had come to find, had done nothing but lie to her. To top that off, they were in immense danger. Bardolino posed an imminent threat to them, so she had to act quickly. Arrangements needed to be made, and that included for herself. While the rest of the night was spent getting background information and calling in a few favors from her less than on the up and up contacts, the first thing she did in the morning was call work and arrange for a little vacation time.

Using spending time with her mother as an excuse, especially with Clyde who knew their relationship, was a no brainer. At least it bought her a few weeks to get things straightened out, help the family move, and get their new life on its way where no one would find them. She had a few locations in mind, but she wanted to talk to them and Nate to see which was best for the little boy. He would always be the deciding factor, and she wanted to put them somewhere he would be happy.

When she left the apartment, she was vigilant. Her eyes wandered for potential goons and mobsters ready to follow her to them. Though, at that point, she wasn't sure that anyone even knew her connection to them. Still, she couldn't be too careful. On her way to their place, she stopped off at the store to pick up a few burner phones and essentials, even a few groceries. The less they left their house, the better it was for everyone. She made that clear before leaving the previous night. They were under strict instructions not to make any calls or leave under any circumstances, barring a medical emergency. She gave them a contingency plan for that too.

"How do you know so much about this?" James had asked her. "I mean, I knew you'd be the right person to go to because of your work, but… how?"

"I just know…" was her vague response. "I _know_."

She didn't want to go into that further, nor did they have the time. But she left them with a list of things to do and Vince with the task of writing down everything she could use against his father down the line, and she was very honest that that was exactly what she intended to do.

Emily was hoping that she would arrive at their place to find some of that actually taken care of. With Vince, she didn't always have high hopes, but she was trying with him to keep the peace for all their sakes. Before going in to see them, she had a few things to get taken care of. Phone packages in hand, she opened each and set them up. The only numbers they were to use were the ones she put on the phones and one of the phones was only to be used if they needed a change. It was the backup burner, and the only numbers on each were the burners she kept for herself.

Gathering everything into bags, Emily stealthily made her way to the apartment, knocking one, two, three times. "Coming," she heard through the door, causing her to sigh, already frustrated.

"You didn't check through the peep hole before answering the door or saying anything." She was disappointed. "What if I was coming to get you?"

Vince rolled his eyes and responded, "Then you wouldn't have knocked?"

"Says who? The bad guys manual on how to kill?"

"Are you coming in or not?"

"Yes," she said, and pushed a bag into his hands, brushing by him. "Where are James and Nate?" She didn't see them around. Part of her hoped that they were busy and would remain busy in a separate room for a while, even if it meant extended alone time with Vince.

"Nate spilled milk all over himself. James is giving him a bath."

Emily felt a little relief. "Good, then it gives us a chance to talk, Vince. Or should I call you Dominic?" Her eyes narrowed pointedly.

"I don't know. You should probably call me whatever name I get with the new identity."

"Let's skip the names for now and get right down to business. Did you do what I asked?"

"Am I supposed to be done already? It's been about ten hours since I saw you last. How much do you think I've had time to get done?"

"Probably more than you actually did," she sniped. "Just show me what you have. I don't want Nate overhearing any of this."

"And you think I do? I know how to take care of my kid." Vince was becoming angry. That was their relationship. One of them always ended up on the defensive.

Not wanting to escalate, Emily just sat down and waited on him to join her. He sat across from her and she pulled out a voice recorder. "Start talking," she ordered.

"Is this necessary?"

"I think it is, but if you don't agree, I can call my guy and tell him to only forge two identities and leave you to the wolves."

"You've always been a bitch," he hissed.

"Right back at ya." Emily hit record and, once again, told him to start from the beginning. "Go back as far as you can remember. What crimes do you have knowledge of? Tell me specifics and names if you remember them. Everything is important, so leave nothing out."

"Is it necessary to record this? Really? I thought I was writing it down."

"Oh, you are, but we're doing this too. So, just get talking. I want to get as much done before James comes back." She gave him pointed eyes. "I'm sure you wouldn't want him to hear a lot of it."

"At least you've got one thing right." He gave her a dirty look and began to talk about his past in greater detail than the previous night.

Vince gave her as much as he could, and it would prove helpful down the line. There were some names she recognized, big criminal names. Some of what she learned surprised her. Some of it didn't. Vince, despite what she didn't like about him, wasn't an all-out bad guy, but he was no saint and he was deep into the mess, too.

"My dad was grooming me to take over the business, but I never had any interest. I was busy thinking about boys and cars."

"I need you to be honest with me. Have you ever done anything for your father? Anything illegal?"

"Yeah… Yes I have."

"What did you do Vince?"

Ashamed, he met her eyes and honestly told her, "I once helped my dad traffic girls. I think. Look. The drugs I knew about. I won't lie. I had a messed-up life with him as my father. Drugs were everywhere and sometimes it felt like the only escape. If I didn't bother my dad, he didn't bother me, so I ignored that. I even ignored the guns that were everywhere, but I couldn't ignore this."

"What happened?"

"Dad called me into his office. Uncle Gino was there."

"Uncle Gino?"

"Yeah, not a real uncle. Italian, thick accent. Only came around when something big was about to go down. I think his full name was Eugenio R… R something. He died back in the early 2000s. Anyway, that day, Mario was out on business with his brothers and some of my dad's other stooges, so he asked me to do a job for him. I knew better than to say no, so I went along."

"What was the job?"

"He handed me an address and told me to drive Gino there and make sure I took care of whatever he needed." He shook his head. "It was a long drive and Gino kept going on about something he had in the works back in Italy. His accent was thick, and I didn't speak Italian, so I didn't understand much. Occasionally, he'd throw in words I could catch like girls, a couple places and names. I knew most of it wasn't anything of substance because he didn't trust me like he did my father, but there was something there that I put together by the end of the night."

Emily said nothing, giving him a chance to collect his thoughts and continue without her urging. That was exactly what he did. One big breath in, exhale, and he was talking again.

"There were a few cars in the lot when we got there. We went through the back. It was called Mangia, I think, a restaurant. I could hear people in the kitchen and smell the food."

"All this for a restaurant?" Emily thought. There had to be more, and, sure enough, there was.

"We had another stooge with us. Armando. He met us at the back entrance. I guess my father informed him we were on our way and he knew Italian, so he got along with Gino. Gino asked him something and Armando took us through the building, further away from the restaurant part. It looked like a cigar club. Inside there were a bunch of old pervy looking men… Everyone was drinking and smoking. There wasn't a stage or anything, but there was a bar and a small catwalk."

He shook his head at the memory before divulging what came next. Vince lowered his voice and quietly told her that he never saw girls look so scared. They were taken to a VIP booth. Music was playing and Armando signaled one of the workers. A parade of girls, most of whom Vince would swear were underage or barely past 21. They were pushed out in front of the men and they'd bid on them like livestock. It sickened Vince. Emily seconded that notion.

"They were just girls…" he mumbled. They were dressed in nothing, forced to put on a show for them. If people asked, they'd force the girls to dance or do things. He distinctly remembered one of the workers telling Gino to let him know if he had a liking for any of them. There were rooms reserved for that. The men would touch the girls and do what they wanted. Men, twenty, thirty, or even forty years older than the girls would take them into backrooms and do things. He didn't want to think about what.

"Gino told me to take a girl into the back. He said everyone had to or it meant they couldn't be trusted."

"Did you do it?"

"Yes," he quietly answered. "I had to. I didn't want to die and the look in Gino's eyes… I saw that before in my father and nothing good ever came of it."

"Did you do anything with her?"

"God no! I paid her to say we did." He looked as disgusted by it as Emily did. "I swear, I didn't know my dad was involved in that. But seeing that… those girls… I don't know what happened to them or how they got there, but I could guess. They barely spoke English, they definitely didn't choose that life, and they were just kids… I couldn't be a part of that. That was why I left. By then, I had already met James and Virginia became my home. So that was my last straw. Gino picked a girl and disappeared. I left him there, went right home, got what I needed and took off. I haven't been back since."

Emily wanted to berate him. She wanted to say that he should have went to the cops, alerted someone about what was going on, but it wasn't the time for that. There was no changing the past. Even she would admit that there were complications there that made it a little less black and white, but another part of her was mad that he did nothing and that could still be happening. How many lives were ruined by his silence?

Hearing James and possibly Nate coming, Emily quickly asked, "What were the girls speaking? Do you know where their accents were from?"

"Russia maybe."

Emily nodded and quickly turned off the recorder, slipping it into her bag before James came into the room, immediately greeting her.

"Nate's playing in the room," James told them. "What have you two been up to? I'm surprised I haven't heard screaming yet."

Vince scoffed. "We're not that bad."

"You really are." James squinted his eyes and made sure both of them knew that was the truth.

Not wanting to get into their dysfunction, Emily changed the subject. "How long do you think Nate will occupy himself?"

"We've got at least an hour. He's playing with some trains. Why?"

"We need to talk about the next step and what happens from here."

James joined them and said, "Let's do it then."

Emily nodded and began by telling them that she was going to keep them in this apartment for now. She did some recon and it was a safe location.

"I'm going to set up some surveillance cameras that you will have access to, and I will be able to monitor from wherever I am."

"Isn't that a bit of an invasion?" James asked, worried about how Vince would see it and how Nate would react to cameras around.

"There's no such thing as privacy when you're being threatened. I'll install an alarm system as well. There's no leaving the house."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… We can't leave the house at all, ever?"

"No. Not until we move you."

"We have a young boy. We can't keep him locked in the house," Vince argued.

"You should have thought about that before you lied about some very important things and brought him into this mess, Vince."

He huffed and crossed his arms. If she wasn't helping them right now, he would have said or did something stupid, and he knew that.

"Look. This is the situation and we have to make the most of it. You can't leave because we don't know how far they could have tracked you or anything. We can't risk Nate's safety. Vince, if you'd like to leave, feel free. No one is stopping you."

"I would," James said, his comment ignored.

"But Nate is an innocent child who is forced into chaos because of you. So shut up and bear it or get out. Stay or go?" she asked, demanding an immediate answer.

Sighing, Vince responded, "Stay."

"Good. So, if you need something, you call me, and I get it for you."

Not missing his opportunity to throw something in her face, figuratively, Vince quipped, "How? You told us not to turn on our phones."

"Don't be dumb, Vince. You have to know by now how these things work and that I know what I'm doing."

She showed them the burners and explained what to use them for and when.

"They're not for social calls or pizza deliveries. I'm trying to erase all traces of you, so don't go making new trails."

She went on to explain that she also had one and that would be their way of communicating. She hoped they wouldn't be there too long, but if they were, they would get new burners each week. From there, she explained where the cameras would go and what they would need to work on while she took care of the new identities and location. She didn't mention that she wanted to learn more about Nate before making the location choice, mostly, because she was scared to spend more time with him, but she knew that would have to come eventually. In the meantime, they had things to take care of and she was a tad relieved that he seemed to be independent and could keep himself busy.

"If these instructions are too difficult for you to handle, tell me now and you can move into my place so I can watch you 24/7."

"No!" Vince quickly responded. "We can do this."

"Great, then let's get started. James, I'm going to need your help setting things up while Vince keeps Nate occupied. I don't want him to see what we're doing and get nervous."

"Em, you know I'm no help with any kind of power tools or tech stuff."

"It's installing an alarm system…"

"I can do it," Vince reluctantly offered. "It's your turn to work with Nate on his math homework."

"Yay me," James laughed. "The kid is smart as a whip but hates to do math."

"But he's better about it with you."

Emily watched the exchange. As much anger as she had about Vince and his omissions, they loved Nate and wanted to keep him safe. To her, that was what mattered in the situation. There would be plenty of time to be angry later. So, their little back and forth over, James left, promising to keep Nate busy, and Emily showed Vince what they needed to do. For the most part, they were having a pretty easy time getting the work done. It was a lot like old times. They go to the point where they used to be friends.

_Soon after Emily agreed to give them her eggs, they set up an appointment at the fertility clinic they were using for a complete medical work up. Emily would be checked over and, if everything was alright, they were ready to move forward. Both Vince and James had physicals and were tested for fertility. Both seemed to be in great health and perfectly capable of fathering a child, so the question of who would be the biological father was up in the air. Still, they wanted this process to start as soon as possible, and since they had Emily on board, they weren't wasting any time. _

_Emily picked up on their urgency and she tried to make it clear that she wasn't backing out, though she did have her doubts about it all. They read that on her and tried to move things along as quickly but naturally as possible. Once she was given the clean bill of health, the doctor put her on hormones, two injections a day for several weeks. She and the surrogate were both given the medicine to put them on the same cycle so that the harvested eggs could be implanted without delay. _

_It was a rough few weeks. Emily was up and down emotionally, and, surprisingly, Vince was the one who calmed her down best. He would tell her stories and distract her until her emotions seemed to regulate. He would talk to her and listen without making her feel like she was crazy, but really, she was. _

"_I can't wait for this to be done. Crap," she passed him the needle and pulled down her pants just enough to expose more of her hips. "Stab me with it."_

"_What?"_

"_I can't inject myself anymore. It sucks. Just do it."_

_That became his job after that. Every day for the month, he'd go over to her place or meet her at lunch when she worked to give her the injections. It was worth it to him. It even helped them bond. They actually became fairly close. Emily began to see him as more than James' partner and he saw her as more than James' friend. So it worked out. And when it came time for the eggs to be harvested, he and James were by her side. She was the first to admit that was a little uncomfortable, for the guys too, and that she would have preferred to do it alone, but it was important to her friends to be there every step of the way, so she let them. She was sedated anyway. _

_Twelve eggs were retrieved. They were told that was an excellent number and the most they would take. It would offer them up to six tries. James and Vince were excited by that, but the gravity of a child with her DNA was starting to hit Emily. She tried not to think about it. Denial and ignorance were her friends. _

_James and Vince decided that for their first try, each of them would be the donor father to one egg that was implanted. If one took, then there would be a fifty-fifty shot for each of them to be the father and they never had to officially find out if they didn't want to. _

_About six weeks after the process had officially begun, they got word. Heather, the surrogate, was pregnant. They were with Emily when they found out. She was over at their apartment when they got the call from Heather. _

_Vince answered the phone and the emotions played on his face like a three act play in mere seconds. First, he was indifferent, answering the phone like he always would. Then he cracked the slightest hint of a smile when he learned who was calling. And after that, he was ecstatic. He thanked the caller and hung up, running over to James. He screamed, "We're having a baby!"_

_James jumped up, eyes wide. "Heather's pregnant?"_

"_She's pregnant. We're going to be daddies."_

_They hugged and kissed and screamed and the pure joy was infectious. It was hard not to feel it too. When James broke away from Vince, he ran to Emily and hugged her. "Did you hear? I'm going to be a dad. Can you believe it?"_

"_You're going to be a great father, James," she promised, sharing the moment with him._

_When they started in on the thank yous and talking about the future, Emily needed out, so she made an excuse and left. Emily was happy for them, truly, but she felt a disconnect already. She threw herself into work more so than before. She was always committed, but she was really proving her worth those days. _

_But, though she knew it was a bad idea, when they invited her to the first ultrasound, she couldn't keep her distance. She felt like she had to be a part of that moment just like she was a part of all the other important ones. Masochistically, she forced herself to go. It was torture because she felt a part of it, but so far away from it all as well. There was no middle ground. She had to pull away or she'd become attached. _

_When the appointment was over, Vince stopped her before she left. "We're going out for dinner, would you like to come?"_

"_Oh. No thanks. Next time. Dinner on me."_

"_You sure?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_You're ok with all of this, right? We weren't sure if you would want to come today because it's not your baby, even though it is… But you're so important to all of this, that it felt right to have you there. I mean, it's our baby, but it's yours too in a way."_

"_Right," she said, praying that he would just stop talking. _

"_You'll always be a part of our life. The baby will have an awesome aunt in you."_

_Aunt… Right… "I would make a great aunt," she played along. "I better go. Have fun. And congratulations again, Vince."_

"_Thank you, and, here." He handed her one of the ultrasound photos. "I want you to have this. You helped create this miracle and I will forever be grateful."_

"_Thanks," she said, her finger running over the grainy image. "I'll talk to you later." She needed out of there. _

_She went home and did what she could to keep herself from crying. The baby was hers biologically, but she'd be nothing to it. Á cool aunt," she chided. That wasn't right. She couldn't do it, so she kept her distance from the growing family for the next few weeks, trying to make it seem like she wasn't. Work was her excuse. She wasn't lying, but it was a choice._

_One day, she got two very big pieces of news, one work and one… personal. The CIA was recruiting for an interagency task force, looking for the best and brightest. For them, they saw Emily as that person. They wanted her to be a part of it, and she was finding it hard to say no. It would offer her the distance she wanted from the situation. There was a part of her that didn't want to go. She needed to be there for James, she reasoned, but the motive was a bit more selfish than that. _

_Her decision was all but made for her later that day. James called her in tears telling her they were at the hospital with Heather. _

"_She was in a freak accident." _

_The rest was a jumbled mess in between his cries, but she caught enough to put it together. It was bad, Heather was in critical condition, and the baby didn't survive the trauma. _

_She cried with him, though didn't let it seem that way as she became the compassionate friend she was. But she felt the loss all the same. That was her baby even if it wasn't growing inside of her, and she lost it too. They were all heartbroken. _

_A week after that, Emily, James, and Vince were together again. They each needed their space but talked a lot. She was there for them through the loss as she battled her own feelings. Now there was something she needed to take care of. There was one issue she had to resolve before she could officially make up her mind about work. _

"_This may be too soon to ask," she started, "But are you going to try again? With the surrogacy?"_

_James and Vince looked at each other. It seemed they were in sync with their answer. "Not right now," James said. "We want kids, of course, or we wouldn't have done all of this, but it's too soon. Heather broke her leg and has to heal. That gives us some time, but she said she'd be willing to try again once she's better. We don't know if we'll take her up on the offer, but we're going to take some time to grieve and figure out what's next." He was sad as he spoke, but Emily could see they both needed time. She needed time too. _

_By the end of the night, she was telling them that she was being transferred out of state. "I got a promotion," she told them. They were happy for her, but sad all the same. They all were for various reasons. Still, Emily felt comfortable with the decision to go at the time. It didn't seem like they were going to try again any time soon and that was all she needed to know before leaving. _

_If only she knew then what JTF-12 would do to her and all that she would miss… Maybe she wouldn't have gone. Or maybe, maybe she still would have…_


	5. Beginnings

_Here, we check back in with the team. Enjoy. _

**Chapter 5: Beginnings**

The team was frustrated. Once they learned about the situation, naturally, they were concerned about Emily. None of them had any idea where she was or what was going on, and now they knew she was thought to be a murderer. There was a lot of confusion and a lot of anxiety spread throughout the roundtable room.

After the bomb was dropped that Emily was a suspect, Garcia went into back tracking Emily's recent movement. There was nothing unusual on her phone records or in her spending habits except for the higher grocery bill and fewer phone calls. That wasn't exactly a red flag.

"She lives in London. They have the most CCTV Cameras in the world. A person can get caught on camera about 70 times a day, even up to 300. So, there must be something that will help us track her movements. And I'm on it," she assured everyone, hoping that would help the glum mood.

Except, she didn't find Emily. Not at first anyway. That would come later.

In the meantime, they had plenty of other things to search and profile.

Derek, clearly wanting answers, tried to give them movement. "Let's talk more about this James guy. And who was that with him? The one that died. Who was he?"

"I had my people look into him," Clyde said. "He had multiple IDs as well, none of them real. Prints weren't in the system. DNA is being run, but the problem is that we don't know where he is from. The IDs were from all over the world."

"What's his connection to Hadley?" JJ wondered.

"They were living together. The place was cleared out. Aside from furniture, all that was found were two suitcases and rail tickets."

"Where were they going?"

Clyde showed him the pictures. Both train tickets were for opposite ends of England. The team tried to make sense of it to understand what happened better. So far, it wasn't working.

"Has Emily had contact with James recently?" Reid asked.

"Phone records show no obvious connection, but if they were using burners, it is possible. I wanted to get into Emily's flat, but there were police watching, waiting to execute a search. I am waiting to hear from one of my contacts in the force who is feeding me all the information and sending pictures. I will let you know what they find as soon as I know."

Garcia had been following all their conversations since news broke. Though she was confident that she could find something somewhere in her searches, there were so many different avenues she could take, and she needed to know which was the most promising.

"So where do I start? Am I looking more into Emily's past with this James Hadley – who, might I add, she has never, not once mentioned to us – so that I can prove that it wasn't her that attacked them, hopefully," she muttered that last part. "Or do I try to search more about James and try to figure out who the other guy really is, so that we can figure out who could be after them and potentially connect their enemies to the murder instead of Emily?"

Hotch stood up and directed everyone. "Garcia, look into James. See if you can find any recent contact between them as well. After that, try to go through security footage anywhere around the crime scene. Ok?"

"On it, Boss Man."

"Morgan, you and Dave go through the autopsy. Profile the murder and the assailant. Rossi and JJ, you work with everybody to create a timeline of events and, as much as I don't want to think Emily had anything to do with this, try to work out what her motive could have been." He said that, shaking his head.

"What are you going to do?" Dave asked, watching the younger man carefully.

Clyde stepped in. "I was hoping he'd escort me to pay Ambassador Prentiss a friendly visit."

"And that is exactly what I'll be doing. If anyone finds anything, call immediately."

Hotch and Clyde made a quick detour to his office to grab his keys before the two went down to the parking garage. They got into Hotch's personal vehicle and drove to the Prentiss estate. During the drive, the two spoke briefly, Hotch wanting to make it clear how it would all play out.

"Have you ever met Elizabeth?" Hotch asked.

"Not in person, no. I've been known to interrupt video chat on occasion. We've had minimal contact."

"This should be fun then," Hotch said to himself. "We don't want to alarm her, so don't go in their guns blazing."

"I know how to talk with women Hotchner."

Rolling his eyes, Hotch responded, "I don't doubt that." No, he was sure Clyde had a way with the ladies just like Derek did, and he was sure the Englishman had dealt with a few classier women such as Elizabeth, but he wasn't sure Clyde really understood what he was in for.

"We're not interrogating her," Clyde said. "We're paying her a friendly visit to tell her what is happening and to see if she knows anything. I'm certainly capable of handling that."

"Don't reveal too much. Follow my lead."

"Sir, yes, sir," Clyde joked. Again, Hotch just rolled his eyes.

The two worked on their strategy. If Emily used Elizabeth as an excuse, even though Elizabeth already said she and her daughter had no plans, there was still a possibility that she knew something. If there was even that slight chance, they had to roll with it.

Arriving at the estate, Hotch parked his car and watched as Clyde got another look at the Emily he knew and the one she grew up as. He was putting the pieces together, merging what Emily told him with what he was seeing.

Clyde looked at his current companion and sarcastically asked, "Shall I ring, or should I follow your lead on that one as well?"

"You're a big boy. I think you can handle it. Go ahead, it's that white button right there."

It was Clyde's turn to roll his eyes as he rang the doorbell. A housekeeper greeted them and escorted them into the house. She asked if Elizabeth was expecting them, to which they answered no, but it was important that they talk to her, was she home.

"One moment," she told them and left to get her employer.

Elizabeth walked into the room with a commanding presence and a small but forced smile on her face.

"Agent Hotchner, good to see you again," she greeted. "And you, Clyde. How nice to meet you in person."

"You as well, Elizabeth," Clyde said, taking her hand to his lips and placing a gentlemanly kiss on top of it.

"Well, gentlemen. To what do I owe the pleasure? A social call I'd hope, but given this unexpected visit and both of your manners, I know you wouldn't drop by without calling first. So it must be more emergent. Clyde, does this have to do with what we talked about? Is it Emily?"

"Yes ma'am. We are here about Emily," he confirmed.

Hotch just watched it played out. Seemed to him like he was going to be the one following Clyde's lead.

"Why don't we take a seat in the parlor," Elizabeth suggested and asked her housekeeper to bring out some tea and coffee for the guests. Once seated, she spoke, "I told you that we had no plans to meet. Is she… missing?"

"It's a little more complicated than that, I'm afraid," Clyde began.

Hotch stepped in. "Are you sure you haven't spoken to her lately?"

"I'm sure," she responded. "A few weeks ago, we discussed holiday plans, but like I told Clyde when we spoke, it's been just about two months."

She eyed them carefully and they did the same. They wanted to know if she knew more than she led on and she wanted to know if they knew something she didn't.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

The men looked to each other, silently reaffirming what they would be telling her.

"It seems there has been some trouble in London."

"Seems there has been or is…?" Elizabeth glowered. Emily had failed to mention what was going on in her life.

"Is, Elizabeth," Hotch answered. "There is some trouble surrounding Emily."

"Will the two of you just get to a point here? What is going on with my daughter?"

"One of Emily's friends recently… passed."

"Passed… You mean died," she surmised. "Which friend? Emily must be devastated. She has lost so much in her life…"

"Ma'am." Hotch tried to get her to focus. "Her friend was murdered, and another badly beaten. James Hadley is currently receiving treatment at the hospital in London."

"Oh my. And Emily… Is Emily ok? Was she hurt? What happened?"

"As far as we know, no she is alright."

"As far as you know? Whatever does that mean?" She moved to the edge of her seat.

"Elizabeth, darling, we need to ask you a few questions," Clyde tried to pull her attention and keep her from asking any questions that would lead to potentially upsetting answers, which, in turn, would keep her from doing what they needed.

"Do you remember or know anything about James Hadley?"

"Not much, I'm afraid. He and Emily were very good friends in high school, and, unfortunately, that was when Emily and I were reaching a low point in our relationship. She kept everything from me."

"Anything would be helpful," Hotch encouraged.

"He was a very outgoing boy. He befriended Emily shortly after we returned to the states so she could finish out high school here. Garfield High. They were in the same class and both… different."

"Different? Different how?"

"Emily began cycling through different phases once we got here. Every other week, there seemed to be a new Emily. It was… interesting to say the least. Things were rarely dull with that girl."

They could imagine.

"She met him soon after your arrival?"

"Yes. They were fast friends from what I can tell. She brought him home about a month after we got here. He was a good boy."

"How so?"

"Well, Emily wouldn't ever tell me this herself," Elizabeth began recounting, "But the kids weren't very accepting of her when she started. I doubt that was an only occurrence either. Emily, though, liked to deal with things herself. I was just glad she had someone to talk with. God knows she wouldn't say anything to me unless we were arguing. Thankfully we were always arguing otherwise I doubt we'd have spoken at all."

They continued to ask her questions about James' history, and she answered as best she could, but her mind wandered back to many years ago, when her daughter was still a child and James was just becoming a part of her life.

_Emily was sixteen and the bane of her mother's existence… sometimes. At the very least, Emily knew how to push her mother to the very edge, and it seemed that their relationship had become more and more contentious as she got deeper into the teen rebellion. _

_Suffice it to say, Emily was not happy about going to yet another new school after the umpteenth move and now it seemed like she was cycling through personalities. It was driving Elizabeth insane. Every day she'd come home not knowing what to expect from her daughter. It didn't help that recently, Emily seemed more distracted and withdrawn from her than usual. Any attempts to even broach the topic or any conversation at all were thwarted by Emily leaving for school early to meet "friends" or coming home late after clubs and studying. Elizabeth had the sneaking suspicion that her daughter had a boyfriend. She was on the lookout. _

_Her snooping and Emily's attitude came to a precipice only a few weeks after setting foot back in Virginia. Things were starting to settle into a routine, finally appearing to calm down. Emily had taken to just silently acknowledging Elizabeth, nodding and waving, the occasional grunt. That was a step up from the continuous yelling, screaming at each other over the smallest of things, so Elizabeth was happy for the reprieve, but had the inkling that there was more to it than Emily growing up. With Emily, it was probably a boy. She was stuck on that theory. _

_Elizabeth's sleuthing proved her correct. There was a boy in her house, and she was not ok with that. Three days in a row, Elizabeth saw someone leaving just as she came home, a car only, but it had to be a boy. And then, she could hear a car pull into the driveway late at night. She wrote it off as just ambient noise at first, but their driveway was too long for it to sound so close from the road. _

_Someone had been coming and going from her home at all hours and it wasn't her daughter… most of the time. She was sure Emily, too, snuck in and out more times than she was aware of. But this was the last straw. Emily knew the rules. She could have friends over, even boys if she had permission, but not in her room and not with the door closed. And when she came home that evening, Elizabeth found a strange car in their driveway and heard music playing. _

_She didn't think too much of it at first. After all, Emily was allowed visitors in her own home. But upon walking into the house, she saw a young man's jacket and shoes in the foyer. It was clear as day Emily was breaking the rules and not even covering her tracks. _

"_Oh, that girl can be so frustrating," Elizabeth huffed. Still, she was giving her daughter the benefit of the doubt and walked into the living room hoping to find her sitting there studying with a classmate. Unfortunately, her hopes were set too high. _

"_Emily?!" she called out. _

_No one answered, so, fuming, she followed the soft melody of the music up the stairs and toward Emily's room. The fact that she didn't hear much of anything other than the jazz playing made her all the more concerned about what was going on in there and more determined to break it up. _

_Fists clenched, Elizabeth shook her head and prepared herself for entry. Not bothering to knock, she opened the door and found her daughter and some hoodlum boy touching… hugging, but that was still too much touching for her tastes. _

"_Emily Prentiss. What the hell is this? You are not allowed to have boys in your room with the door closed, and definitely no boys in the house without permission!"_

"_What are you doing in my room?!" Emily screamed, getting off her bed and leaving her friend there, wide eyed and worried. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!"_

"_This is my house. I don't have to knock if I don't want to." Elizabeth engaged in a hard stare down with her daughter. "But you do have to follow the rules." Her daggers for eyes trained on the next victim. "You in the ridiculous t-shirt, learn when your exit is cued and get out."_

_Emily scoffed and held out her hand when her friend tried to get up. "James, stay! You don't need to go. This is my room and I want you here."_

"_Emily I…" James tried to speak._

"_Stop talking," both Emily and Elizabeth said. Wide eyed and stunned, James held his hands up in surrender and plopped back down on the bed. _

"_What were you doing in here with this… this…"_

"_Boy?" Emily finished for her mother. "You can say it. Boy. He has a penis so he's…"_

"_Emily!"_

"_What? He does."_

_Frustrated and in a sense of awe, not the good kind, hearing her daughter, Elizabeth wasn't even sure how to continue, but she knew she had to say something. So, ignoring the boy practically cowering on the bed and the endless number of quips running through her mind, she addressed Emily. _

"_His anatomy aside, Emily, you know the rules. What is he doing in your room?"_

"_We're talking."_

"_It looked like more than talking when I walked in."_

"_Well then you should have walked in two minutes earlier when I was in nothing but my bra and underwear and he didn't have anything on at all."_

"_Emily!" James yelled, his attempt to deny that happened silenced by Elizabeth's hand gesture. _

"_That's not even funny, Emily." Her face changed from anger to concern. "I really do hope you're just trying to mess with me, because that's not acceptable behavior. You're sixteen. I don't want you having sex or god forbid getting pregnant. I'm not old enough to be a grandma. You could have a bright future, but not if you waste it on some hormone addled tryst."_

_Though it struck a nerve, Emily didn't let anything show. "God mother, you're so dramatic. We weren't having sex."_

"_Then what were you doing?"_

"_I told you that we were talking."_

"_About what?" she asked with narrowed, untrusting eyes. _

"_That's none of your business," Emily stated, her attitude out in full force. "What we talk about is between us."_

_James spoke, "Emily, just tell her."_

"_No! It's not her business," she told him. _

"_Oh no… are you already pregnant? I blame your father for this. What will people think? What am I supposed to do about this? Is this the deadbeat?"_

"_I'm not pregnant!" she yelled. She went on a tirade defending James and how he'd be a great father if she was pregnant, but she wasn't. _

_Elizabeth started in on the rules of the house again and told her how disappointed she was before going on to say that Emily needed to stop the rebellion. She was going to get herself in trouble that Elizabeth wouldn't be able to get her out of. She needed better friends that would help her and be there for her, and that was what she needed to focus on; that and school, not canoodling with sex crazed boys. Again, Emily moved to defend herself and James, but she wouldn't have it. Elizabeth didn't want another explanation. _

_Seeing the craziness escalate, James finally managed to get a word in, and not a moment too soon. "We weren't doing anything. I swear."_

"_No? Then what exactly was the purpose of a closed door and privacy in my daughter's bedroom?"_

"_We just wanted to talk… alone," he told her. _

"_In an empty house, you needed privacy?"_

"_Yes," he answered her, clearly intimidated. _

"_For what?"_

"_To talk Mother! What aren't you getting about this? We were just talking. Conversing. Parlando. Hablando. Parlant. It's the same meaning in every language… TALKING! We were talking about things that don't concern you."_

"_I'm gay," James finally screamed. "That's what we were talking about. I'm gay."_

_Both ladies stopped arguing. _

"_What?" Elizabeth asked. _

"_I'm gay. Emily was just comforting me because some kids at school aren't accepting. That's it."_

_Emily, worried about her mother's reaction and, automatically assuming the worst, just said, "If you try to throw him out or make me stay away from him, if you say anything, or out him in anyway, I swear, I will pack a bag right now, take James, and no one will ever see us again. We'll – we'll run off and have little gay babies together in spite of you!"_

_Elizabeth couldn't help it. As much as she wanted to yell back or even just have a civil conversation, all she managed in that moment was to laugh. _

_Emily felt like she was in some weird alternate reality, asking herself what was happening. "She's laughing. Why is she laughing?"_

"_She's your mother," James said. "You tell me."_

"_Why are you laughing mother?"_

"_Gay babies in spite of me…" she repeated with laughter. "Oh Emily." Only her daughter. "Alright then. Carry on."_

"_Alright?" Emily asked, bewildered._

"_Yes, fine. I don't care that he's gay. He's not my child, it's not my issue to deal with or accept. In fact, I'm happy he's gay. Trouble seems to be attracted to you Emily, and a homosexual male friend seems a lot safer to have around you than most teen boys." Elizabeth smiled. "We'll talk more later, Emily, and we'll be going over what I expect from you in this house, but right now, you have company. James, I must apologize for my behavior. Please stay and join us for dinner. I'm not often home in time to eat with Emily, so it'll be a treat."_

"_Thank you," he said. "I'd love to." _

"_Great," Elizabeth said, beginning to walk to the door. "Keep this open. And, for god's sake Emily, put on something that covers your behind. I don't want to see what kind of underwear you have on. I really, really don't."_

"_I'm wearing a thong," Emily antagonized as her mother walked out, Elizabeth's head clearly shaking, though she didn't give any verbal response. _

Elizabeth recalled the memory fondly. There was more yelling than she liked, but it was the start of a friendship that was very good for Emily and that, to some extent, even helped them have some kind of relationship too. Emily took her lack of disapproval toward James as a peace offering and she started to mellow.

"I always thought that James was an outstanding young man. He was good to Emily and she was good for him too. He was having a hard time, trying to find a way to come out. His parents were wealthy hippies, so they didn't much care, but it was a different time then and…"

"Come out?" Clyde interrupted.

"He's gay?"

"Oh yes. Emily made that clear and, though he didn't go about flaunting it because it was no one's business, he was most definitely gay. That was the only reason I let him stay over as often as he did." Elizabeth could feel their gazes. "We had trust issues. Emily, great as she was and is, was not an easy teen to parent and I was no award-winning mother either."

The men shared a knowing look, both thinking that little tidbit was key to their puzzle. Still, they wanted as much information about James, his life, and his relationship with Emily as they could get. Elizabeth was willing to play along, but also wanted to know what they knew about Emily.

"Now boys, I've answered your questions, and I think I've been more than patient, but now I'd like to know more about my daughter's situation. How does she fit in with what happened to poor James? If Emily's not hurt, why are you asking me these questions and not her?"

What they were telling her was turning out to be a lot more than Emily managed to divulge. Hotch looked grim. "We can't find Emily. We don't believe she's hurt, but we also can't seem to get in touch with her."

"There's more," she said, reading it in their face. "What else is there?"

Clyde took over, "The London officers on James' case believe that Emily may be involved somehow."

"Involved? That seems vague. I thought you said that she was ok. Were you just saying that so I would answer your questions? Is she hurt?"

"No, ma'am. What Clyde is saying is that Emily is a suspect."

"A murder suspect?!" Shock was written all over her. "I know what my daughter is capable of and I know that physically, she may be able to hurt someone, but that's not who she is. If anything, she would have to be provoked to act in self-defense. And James… I don't care if they were estranged or the best of friends, she wouldn't hurt him. You believe that, don't you?"

"Of course," they both agreed.

"Elizabeth, we both know Emily isn't responsible for this, but we have to figure out where she went and if she knows anything about what happened. We want to help her, and we can only do that if she helps us."

"It would be much safer for her if we are the ones to find her. If you know anything…"

"I wish I did… I just… Find her. Help her. Do what you need to… Please."

"We're going to do everything we can," Hotch assured her.

Before they could talk any more, Hotch received a call. Excusing himself, he stepped just outside the room and answered. It was Garcia.

"We're talking with Ambassador Prentiss. What do you need, Garcia?"

"Uh… Hotch. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think I have something. This is… It could be big. You should get back here."

"Can't you tell me over the phone?"

"Well, I could, Sir, but this is something you'll want to see."

"Alright. We'll be there soon."

Hanging up, he returned to Clyde and Elizabeth, letting him know they might have something. They thanked Elizabeth for talking with them as she walked them to the door.

"Please, if you hear from her or think of anything, call."

"I will. And I hope you'll do the same."

"Absolutely, ma'am."

She watched them leave with a greater sense of worry for her daughter and an urgency as she retreated back into the house.

Meanwhile, the two men were conversing about that visit after Hotch filled Clyde in on the call, briefly saying that Garcia had something she wanted to share with everyone in person.

"She never once asked where Emily was or if we knew anything," Clyde told Hotch.

"And she kept checking her watch."

"She knows more than she let on."

"Definitely. I'll have Garcia check her phone records and look into Elizabeth's recent activity. If they are in contact, I'm sure some of what we told her came as a surprise."

"Elizabeth's reactions were mostly genuine. Maybe she will try to contact Emily now. We should have Ms. Garcia monitor that as well."


	6. Flashback

I've decided that I'll update on Wednesday and Sunday from now on, but you get this chapter early this time since I won't be able to upload tomorrow. This one takes us back to the past. Enjoy.

**Chapter 6: Flashback **

_JTF-12 took a lot out of Emily. When she left to join the task force, she was still a young, somewhat naïve agent who hadn't yet been exposed to the life of a deep cover agent. She had assignments where she had to play a part to make a bust when she was called upon, but that never went beyond a day or two, maybe three. Mostly, she worked from an office and did translations or worked where she was needed._

_The taskforce was a new world altogether, and it changed her. She wasn't the same Emily that left on that plane. How could she be? The things she saw, the things she did… It got to her, it affected her, and she couldn't say that it was for the better, and whether it was for the worse was yet to be determined. There was something to be said about undercover work that was good for soul searching, though maybe not in the traditional sense. She went in thinking she was one thing, completely lost herself in the role she was given, and came out having to face some truths about her as a person and her capabilities that went against all she once believed. _

_It was eye opening. It was terrifying. And she didn't think she could ever wash the dirty feelings away. Honestly, she came back lost, confused, and disconnected from her old life. Immersing herself back into it proved difficult. It had been around two and a half years since she had been back in Virginia, a little over a year since she had any contact with her friends or mother that went beyond a simple email between cases._

_After everything that happened with the baby, she thought the distance would be good for her, a little escape, but she missed them. Hell, she even missed her mother and that, in itself, spoke volumes. Her last assignment with the task force did a number on her, and, now that she was heading home, she couldn't wait to catch up with everyone. _

_She didn't, however, realize how different things would be. She was off living a life that wasn't her own and, meanwhile, her real life didn't stop to wait for her. That was going to become blatantly obvious to her in no time at all. _

_The first thing she did after doing the mandatory debriefing at headquarters was head to her dust covered condo. The electricity was still off, there was no heat or airconditiong, and the fridge was empty, but it was home, and she was happy to be there. She had her accountant autopay her bills and all delivery services put on hold, and still, there was a massive collection of mail when she got there. Not wanting to deal with that right away, Emily detoured to her bedroom, rummaged through her closet, and picked out something to change into after she showered the travel smell off her._

_It felt good to be home, but it still didn't feel real or right. She didn't know whether to throw herself back into her old life and old routine right away or try to take things slow and get used to being her again. It sounded stupid, she knew, but those were her options. Problem was that she didn't know how to be that Emily and she didn't feel at all like that Emily even if she did. That made her crazy because, if she wasn't the only version of her she ever knew and she wasn't any of the identities she assumed, then who was she? Was she some amalgamation of those people, stored in the same body she always had? She'd figure it out, she guessed, but it didn't feel good to be so… unsettled. _

_Emily was… well, confused. That last case, the Doyle case, it made her question herself. The feelings… They became real. It got to the point where she wasn't sure where Emily ended, and her cover began. Faking something for so long made it seem real which made everything complicated. Her life felt like a mess and things just seemed chaotic. _

"_Stop thinking about it Emily," she scolded herself. "It's done. There's no more Lauren. There's no more anyone but Emily Prentiss."_

_No matter how many times she repeated that like a mantra, the longer she stayed in the condo with no noise or power, or anything to distract her, the more she thought about things that needed to remain neatly packed in their compartments. The walls were beginning to feel too close, trapping her._

"_The mail. I can go through the mail," she decided. There was nothing else to do and she wasn't ready to make contact with the outside world just yet. _

_She sorted through the pile. Junk, junk, junk… Invitation, junk… Invitation… Doctor reminders, dentist reminders… Clearly, she missed those checkups. Letter. Letter?_

_The letter definitely caught her attention. The envelope was a bit bigger and felt heavy. The handwriting looked a lot like James, though, it appeared more frenzied, she profiled. "Why send a letter?" she questioned as she ripped the seal. She pulled out a second envelope and some paper. Unfolding the papers, she read his handwritten letter:_

_Emily,_

_If you're reading this, you're finally home and I ask that you call me right after you read this. When you're ready. Please. The last time we talked, you wrote that you'd be home within a few months, and I said that I wanted to see you and talk in person. We still need to do that. It's important, but what I have to tell you can't wait. I don't want to blindside you, and though I'd rather have done it all in person, I know you enough to know that you'll be upset and need a moment to process this. Read the rest of this completely, and then take a deep breath. _

_About a month or two after you left, Vince and I got to talking. Losing the baby was hard. We were trying to complete our family and then it was just gone, but we weren't ready to give up. You know us, always fighters. Right? So, we talked and talked some more and decided to try again. We didn't plan on doing it right away. It took Heather about three months to be up on her feet after the accident and another month after that before the doctor was completely comfortable with doing the in-vitro. _

_I wanted to tell you then, but with you so far away, I thought it was better to wait until we had real news. I don't think it can get any realer than it is now. The first round didn't take, but the second one did. Heather was pregnant again. She was having our baby. The pregnancy was easy. There were no complications, everything about it was healthy, and the birth itself was smooth. _

_It's a boy. He's our boy. We found out he was a boy as early as we could so we could paint the nursery. None of that yellow crap, we wanted to go all out. We picked funny named paint together and everything. You would have loved making fun of the names with us. We were going to put our girl in a room painted Devilish Diva. Tell me that wouldn't have been fitting for an offspring part Prentiss and part Hadley. You can't, can you? But, since he's a boy, we went with Crazy Eyes, a blue-green color. I'm sad that you missed out on all of this because you are my closest friend and I would have loved to share all of this with you, but I know you were away for your job. Anyway, we went all out for the nursery. It's probably the best decorated room in our place and perfect to welcome him home in. _

_We named him Nathaniel. Nathaniel Matthew Hadley. I remember you saying that Nathaniel means "Gift of God" and while none of us are very religious, he is our gift. Matthew I pushed for. I knew it was a name that meant something to you. He was born at 7:57 on June 3__rd__, a big boy: eight and a half pounds, 21 inches long, after a five-hour labor. I'm told that's quick, but not uncommon in a woman who has given birth multiple times. He was one week early and just so ready to be a part of this world. He can scream like a banshee and be as sweet as a teddy bear at the same time. _

_I've never been so happy, so out of my element, and so tired in my life. He is so… He's perfect and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I know you'll love him too. _

_Here's the part I know is going to kill you. Nate is about thirteen months now. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. Please don't be mad. I love you and we've been through a lot. Call me when you're ready. We can talk and you can meet Nate. He's gorgeous, he's happy, and he even looks a little like you. He's an amazing gift._

_I love you, Em. Look through the pictures. I put a bunch of them in the envelope and there are plenty more of them that I have waiting in a book for you. Let's meet. Call me and I'll come over or we can go out, but let's talk. I'm sure you have a lot to say and I want to hear it. The good, that bad, and the angry. _

_James_

_Emily held the letter in her hand and just sat there, no movement. She wasn't even sure she was breathing at that point. She was surprised, to say the least, and a million different thoughts were racing in her head. She couldn't make sense of any of them. What the hell was she supposed to do with this?_

_They had a baby who was more toddler than baby at that point. And she had no idea it was even happening. Why hadn't he just told her? They emailed. They even had phone calls on occasion. So how could he not mention it? God, she was happy for them. This was what they wanted and the reason she helped them, but she was angry too. There was no reason to keep it from her… _

_Her hands balled into fists before she took a deep breath and released. She touched her cheek, realizing it was wet. She was crying. Nathaniel… There was a little boy in the world who she was the mother of, biologically speaking. That thought made her happy. It brought her joy, and when she finally got around to opening the other envelope and looking at all the pictures, it gave her a feeling of warmth. _

_He was magnificent. He was born bald, adorable as can be, and a little chubster. She looked at all the pictures, seeing him grow from tiny baby to teetering toddler. She swore that, even though biology said it was impossible, that she saw a little of both James and Vince in him. He definitely had her hair: thick and dark. He had Vince's skin tone, just a little tanner than James, and eyes, a gorgeous amber-brown color. _

_She couldn't stop staring. The pictures laid scattered on the table in her estimated chronological order as she took it in, took all that was him, in. Then the anger set in. She didn't get to be a part of any of it. She didn't get to experience anything. She didn't even know it was happening. How was that fair? Was that what they wanted? To erase her? She wasn't his mom, but she was something, wasn't she? Emily honestly didn't have an answer to that. She wanted to say yes, that she was something, but evidence would prove otherwise._

_All she could do was memorize the images, looking for things in Nathaniel that she recognized in herself as well. But, after a long while just sitting there, staring, Emily picked up the phone and called James. _

"_Hello?"_

"_Saying you're thinking about trying again and actually having a baby are not the same thing," she said forcibly, not bothering with any actual greeting. _

"_Emily?"_

"_What the hell, James? You had a baby. Thirteen months ago!"_

"_I know…"_

"_You didn't say anything."_

"_Yes I did. I said we were talking about it."_

"_That's not even in the same realm." Her voice was laden with anger. "I'm supposed to be your friend, James. I gave you…" She tried to control herself. "I had a right to know."_

"_I know, Emily. I know. I didn't want to tell you through email. I wanted to tell you in person. When you left, you didn't say you'd be gone for three years!" He could hear her sigh and swore that there was the hint of recent crying there too. _

_Sad, she quietly responded, "I didn't know then. I didn't know." And if she did, if she knew all that would happen both in her work and, apparently, in her home, then she wasn't sure she would have gone. She missed too much. That didn't excuse anything though. He still should have told her._

"_When did you get home?" he asked, his voice even as he tried to keep her calm. _

_Still attempting to breath deeply and relax, Emily responded, "Today. This morning."_

"_Let's meet. Tomorrow."_

"_Tonight," she demanded. _

"_Your place?"_

"_Antonio's."_

"_The bar?"_

"_Yes. That used to be where we went. Seems… fitting. And I need a drink." Or four. _

"_I'll be there in an hour."_

"_I'm so mad, James… I…" She didn't have the right words to verbalize the extent of her feelings. They were all over the place and couldn't be described in just one way. _

"_I know," he said dejectedly. He knew that she would be upset. He kept something big from her, but it wasn't just his decision. Not only could he not reach her to talk but Vince didn't want her to know. He didn't really want her involved this time. With her gone, James didn't see the harm in that. They didn't know when or even if she'd come back, so he listened to Vince to avoid an argument. As long as Emily wasn't there, it was a nonissue, but now that she was, he would have to see what happened. "I'm going to leave in ten minutes, Emily. We'll talk in person."_

"_Fine."_

_Hanging up, Emily didn't even bother to change. Instead, she just threw her wallet back into her bag and slipped on a pair of shoes before leaving for the bar. As soon as she arrived, she found a booth and ordered. "I'll take a Vodka tonic, light on the tonic."_

"_Sure thing," the bartender said, fetching her drink. _

_Once she got it, she went back to her booth and waited for James. She was early, but she couldn't stay home any longer. The short walk to the bar, she hoped, would help calm her. It didn't, and now she was hoping the alcohol would do it. _

_By the time James arrived, she was already working her way to the bottom of her second glass and nothing felt any better. The only thing it did was take the edge off her paranoia, making her a little less vigilant and not notice when James arrived. _

_He looked around the bar searching for her, finding her in the spot they often frequented. He had to squint to make out if it was really her, but it was. He barely recognized her as he put his hand on her shoulder. She flinched away, jumping before turning around to see him. _

_Emily stood, forcing a tiny smile to her face. "James. It's good to see you," she said. Even if she wanted to punch him at the same time, it was nice to see a friendly face. _

"_Emily. You look… different."_

"_You mean the hair?" She spoke pointedly. She wasn't in the mood to have her appearance criticized._

"_It's lighter. Shorter."_

"_Yeah."_

"_And you're… You look…"_

"_I don't think you're in a position to say anything but good at the end of that unless you want to make me more upset."_

"_You look good," he told her. She looked good, she just didn't look like she used to. She was a little skinnier, a little tanner, and her hair was styled differently. But he wouldn't say any more about that. He noticed the drink in her hand and decided he needed one too. "Refill?" he asked. _

"_Definitely." Emily pushed her glass toward him and watched as he sauntered over to the bar. He needed a moment after seeing her and so did she. _

_Seeing him felt good, but there were these overwhelming feelings of hurt, anger, and anticipation bubbling within. As much as she wanted to hear what he had to say, she wanted to yell at him just as much. And more than that, there was this dread. If he and Vince didn't want her to know about Nathaniel, it was possible they didn't want her to know him, and it wasn't like she could claim parental rights and force them to let her meet him. She did though, want to meet him… So badly. If they didn't let her… She didn't know what she would do. _

"_Here," James said, breaking her thoughts before they could go any further. _

"_Thanks," Emily said, accepting the drink. _

_The two sat in silence, James looking over Emily, trying to understand the changes that seemed to go beyond physical and Emily trying to make sense of everything. It wasn't working out well for either of them, and instead of talking like they should be, it stayed relatively quiet, the ambient bar noise the only thing between them. _

"_It shouldn't be this awkward," James said, breaking the tension._

"_No," Emily agreed. "It shouldn't. Just like you shouldn't have kept things, important things, to yourself for years."_

"_Emily…"_

"_No James. I have to say this and you need to listen." _

_He nodded. _

"_I don't care what your intentions were. Whether you and Vince decided you wanted nothing to do with me or just didn't want me to be a part of his life, I still deserved to know. I deserved to know that somewhere out there was a little boy with my DNA. I went into this with your word that I'd be in the loop." Her voice was firm and raised, but not to a point that would draw attention. "What was the plan? Run away from me? Ignore my calls? Pretend I didn't exist? Hope I died out on assignment?"_

"_Emily, of course not! No, absolutely not."_

"_Then I don't get it. How hard is it to say that Heather was pregnant? That you had a son." _

"_Things are… Things are complicated."_

"_How?"_

"_I wanted to tell you right away, I did," he promised. Emily didn't quite believe him. _

"_Then what stopped you?"_

"_Vince did."_

"_What?" She and Vince hadn't had any problems. Why? Why would he want to keep her in the dark? What did she do? "What do you mean?"_

"_Look, Em, it's nothing against you."_

"_Really? Sure seems that way." She was miffed. _

"_Really," he stated. "He just wanted it to be us for a while. You were gone, so he wanted to wait until you came home. It wasn't like we were going to keep you out of his life forever. We just wanted the time that you were away to be just us."_

"_That's a cop out," she told him. "Even if you told me, I wasn't there and it wasn't like I could just quit and come back here, so it would have been just you, Vince, and Nathaniel either way. What's the real reason?"_

"_Emily."_

"_Tell me," she demanded. _

"_I don't know Emily. I don't know."_

"_That's not good enough."_

"_What do you want me to say?"_

"_I want you to tell me the truth. Why did you really keep this from me?"_

"_Because…" he was getting squirrelly, reluctant to tell her the truth. "Vince doesn't want you involved… at all."_

"_Meaning?"_

"_Emily, you know what it means… He doesn't want you around."_

_Eyes squinted and burrowing into his, Emily asked, "And what do you want?"_

"_I don't know, Emily. I love you and I want you to know Nate, but I love Vince and we have a family. I don't want to ruin that. He's my partner… I can't just ignore what he wants."_

"_He's not even giving me a chance, James. I don't want to be Nate's mom." _Lie._ "I'm not his mom, but I'm not nothing. That was what we talked about. It was part of the deal. You guys raise him, but I still get to be a part of his life." Her voice was pleading with him._

_From the moment she learned about Nate, once the blow wore off, she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. Love. She felt love for this little boy whom she never met and the threat of never being able to meet him was breaking her heart. _

_Honestly, James' heart was breaking in that moment, too. He could see the pain on her face._

"_Do you want to meet him?" he asked. _

_Her eyes lit up. "Yes. Yes, I really would."_

_He returned the genuine smile that finally found its way to her face. "Vince has to work tomorrow, and since the weather is so great, I thought I'd take Nate to the park down the road from us. The one we used to go to all the time in high school. Why don't you meet us there?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Yeah. Vince might take some convincing, but you're right. You're as much a part of the reason he's here as we are, and you should know him. It's what we always told you, and I want that."_

"_Me too."_

"_Good," he said. "So, then no more of this." He pulled away her glass. "Go get yourself some coffee, get some rest, and we'll be there at ten tomorrow morning."_

"_Sounds good… Sounds perfect." _

_It made her heart beat faster and her mind speed. She was going to meet the boy who she, in some sense, mothered. That was an odd thought for her but one that made her giddy inside. She wanted to know so much, to ask so many questions, but she also wanted to learn who Nate was on her own. _

_Being undercover, meeting and bonding with Declan, made her realize that she loved kids. She loved Declan and she could already feel her love for Nathaniel. With Declan, she was so close to going against every oath she made, getting Doyle out of that life and raising Declan in some far away land. She loved that boy, and a part of her felt like she was getting her chance here. If logic was completely in play, she'd realize that wasn't what was happening. Nathaniel wasn't Declan, and James wasn't asking her to raise his son. But her mind was singularly focused on the chance that was there and on the fact that she was going to meet him. _

"_Hey, you with me? Where'd you go?" James asked her after she began starting into space._

"_Nowhere. I'm just thinking about something."_

"_Ok. I guess I should get home. Vince is waiting on me."_

_His name put a sour taste in her mouth, but she shook it off and when he stood, she asked, "Does he know?"_

"_Know what?"_

"_That you're here with me? That I'm back?"_

"_That you're back, yes. That I'm with you and have told you about Nate? No." _

"_Going to tell him about tomorrow?"_

"_Wasn't planning on it."_

"_Ever?"_

"_One day at a time, Em. One day at a time." James squeezed her shoulder and said goodbye, leaving her there to pull her thoughts together. _

_She was suddenly feeling very sober and very conflicted. Thoughts racing again, she sat there a minute to try and sort them to no avail. Paying her bill, she left hoping that the cool night air would give her some clarity. _

_It was late, but not so late that stores were closed and all the creeps were out, so she took her time walking home. She missed being home, missed Virginia, and wasn't even ashamed to admit that she missed her mom. The familiarity of their stupid arguments would be a comfort to her. _

"_I'll have to call her soon," Emily spoke to herself. But she had other things to take care of before that. _

_Walking, Emily stumbled upon a baby store that seemed to be just about ready to close, and felt an urge to go in and look around. When she found out about the first baby, she went out and bought a blanket that she planned to give to the baby once he or she was born. It didn't feel right to give that to Nathaniel. It wasn't meant for him and, though it wasn't truly her baby to lose, she felt the loss. That blanket would forever remain in her possession. But it would be nice to have something special to bring to the park the next day; an icebreaker gift and something for the little boy to have and to be connected to her by, even if he didn't know who she was to him. _

_She went into the store, not paying much attention to anyone around her, and just tried to find something that she thought Nate might like. The fact that she knew next to nothing about him wasn't lost on her, but she had to hope that, whatever she picked, he'd like it. When she was looking through some of the different items, she recalled her own childhood and something that gave her joy and comfort no matter what mood she was in. For her, it was a plush doll with yarn hair that her grandmother made for her shortly before her death. She carried it with her everywhere and it made her feel safe and loved. She wanted that for him, and, though a doll might not be the right choice, there had to be something that would call to her. _

_She found it in the next aisle. A hoard of stuffed animals had their eyes trained on her, really creeping her out. So many of them were adorable, but their eyes really put her off, until she saw it. In the sea of white fluff and bright plush was a brown dog with floppy ears and cream colored patches all over it. _

"_It's perfect," she said, pulling it from the pile. _

_Emily rubbed the soft material against her cheek and smiled. Yeah, boy or girl, chances were a kid would love it. No hesitation, no thinking she might find something better, she brought it to the register, paid, and went straight home. It had been an incredibly long day and she wasn't sure she was processing any of it. Being home didn't feel like being home. It was like the familiar things suddenly felt so foreign as everything was uprooted yet again. _

_All she wanted to do was sleep. Sleep sounded good. But even when she was home and relaxing, she felt restless. It was like the last few years constantly on guard topped by the sudden and unexpected news was all catching up to her. She didn't know how to be normal, but man was she tired. The constant tossing and turning wasn't helping. _

"_Ugh," she groaned, frustrated. She needed a good night's rest before meeting them in the park the next morning, so she was praying for sleep to come, but it didn't. _

_Emily reached to turn on the bedside lamp, her hand grazing the fuzzy object on the nightstand. The dog, she realized, grabbing it. She hugged the toy tightly against her chest and thought about giving it to Nathaniel the next day. She ended up curling up with it, cuddling the dog until she fell asleep. _

_She woke up the next morning with it still in her grasp and a smile of anticipation on her face. Two more hours and she'd get to meet him. Just two more hours, she told herself, not hesitating to get out of bed. She gave the little dog another squeeze and put it back on the table. She didn't want to forget it later. _

_Excitingly getting ready, Emily rushed through her old routine and she was so nervous, she didn't even want to think about breakfast. _

"_Coffee, coffee, coffee…" she said, searching her apartment for some to brew._

_There was still another hour before she had to leave, and she needed something to pass the time. So, since she couldn't find anything suitable to pass for coffee around her apartment, she grabbed all she'd need for the day, carefully placing the dog into the bag, and got to her car. Hanging out at a coffee shop, she tried to imagine how the day would go. _

_Would Nathaniel like her? Would he want to play with her? Kids didn't seem too picky, so that one was probably a given, but who knew? She just wanted him to like her and have fun with her. That was all. And she was going to do everything in her power to make that happen. Though, it would seem, the clock wasn't moving fast enough for her liking. It wasn't until ten of ten that she finally breathed, grabbed another cup of coffee to-go for her and one for James, and left for the park. _

_It was warm out, the August air lacked the high humidity and overbearing heat, making it a nice day for the park. She got there before James and waited in the same spot they used to hang out in as kids. She knew James would look for her there. Her nails took a bit of a beating as she waited. Her vigilance was on high as she surveyed the area. _

"_You're here," she heard James say as he approached from behind her. _

_Emily jumped up, smile on and looked toward them. "Hi James." Her eyes looked down to Nathaniel. He was even more handsome in person. "And hello little man," Emily kneeled to his height. "I'm Emily."_

"_Say hi, Nate," James instructed. _

_The little boy waved his hand and quietly said, "Hi."_

_James gave his son a little nudge in Emily's direction and he happily walked over to her. His eyes were drawn to the bench. _

"_What's got your attention?" she asked, like he understood that. "What do you see?"_

_Nate pointed to her purse. "Ah, you have a good eye. Come here." Emily held out her hand for him and instead of taking it, he held up both his arms and motioned for her to pick him up. She was more than happy to oblige, stealing him into her arms and giving him a hug as she stood up and brought him over to the bench where her purse was resting. _

"_I have something for you Nate," she told him and pulled the dog out to give to him. _

_His eyes went wide, his mouth formed an "o," his hands grabbed for it, and they both heard that childish gasp of awe as Emily give it to him."_

"_Me?"_

"_Yes, for you."_

"_Dada, my toy. My toy." Nate chanted as he squeezed it the same way Emily was squeezing him. _

_It felt good to have him in her arms, so good and natural. James couldn't argue that either. Her nose found its way into his hair, inhaling that clean smell. She wanted to remember everything about that moment, about meeting him. The way he smelled, the feel of his weight on her lap, his languid smile, the way the wind blew his hair into his eyes and he swatted it away… She wanted to memorize everything. _

_The feelings were, they were amazing. He was beyond what she imagined, and she could already feel herself getting attached. _

_She told herself from the beginning, before there was ever a real baby, that she wouldn't get attached, that her role was minimal, but all that went out the window the moment she heard the first baby's heartbeat and now seeing his cherubic little face. How could she ever walk away?_

_The answer: she wouldn't. That day, she ran around the park with him, pushing him on the swings and riding down the slide until he passed out in her arms, so tired from the play. Then, over the next few weeks, Emily spent as much time with Nate as James would allow. She loved that little boy so much that it hurt when she was away from him. And she knew, she knew that her feelings went beyond what they should. She wasn't his mother, but, god help her, she sure felt like she was and, in some respects, so did Nate, which became a problem for the men. _

_Vince found out that she and James were not only talking, but spending a lot of time together and including Nate in their get togethers. He wasn't thrilled. In fact, he voiced how unhappy he was about it to James. They fought and fought until James said that this was the way it had to be and left for the night, crashing at Emily's so that they could have some space to cool down. _

_After that, Vince and James made up. It took a few days, but Vince said that he'd give her a chance, though, it quickly became obvious that he didn't like what he was seeing. Nate gravitated toward Emily when she was around. He liked the "mother's" touch, and that did nothing but unsettle Vince further. _

"_This isn't ok," he told James, planting the initial seeds of doubt in his partner's head. "She's not his mom or his family. We are, and the more she's here, the more she becomes involved." _

_James wasn't seeing it the way Vince was at that point, but the time would come. By Christmas, there'd be a blow out. Emily was overstepping her bounds in Vince's eyes. She was playing too much of a role and spending too much time with them. Hell, sometimes he found James asking Emily about her opinion on parenting decisions the two of them should have been making without her. It bothered him, and it was time to make that known._

_James invited her over for Christmas Eve. She came over with a bundle of gifts, mostly for Nate, and joined them for the evening. She helped the eighteen-month-old bake cookies for Santa and read to him. All the while, Vince was shooting daggers at her. He didn't want her there. She was monopolizing their son's time and impeding their own time. It wasn't fair, nor was it right. She was never part of his plan. _

_Things started moving toward the worst, or best, depending on who was asked and at what moment, when Emily took sleepy Nate upstairs to tuck him in for naptime. With Nate half asleep in her arms, she took him into his room, sat in the rocking chair, and sang him a lullaby. _

"_Again mama. Again," he said, stunning Emily. _

"_Did he call me mama?" she asked herself. Then he said it again and she knew it wasn't imagined. He called her mama and, wow, did it feel so new and incredible. But it wasn't right. She knew that. As right as it felt to her, despite the tingling of warmth throughout her body, she knew she was getting way too attached. How good it felt proved that. _

"_Not mama," she whispered to him. "Come on, Nate. Nap time."_

_She both sadly and happily put him into his bad, kissing his forehead, and when she came down from Nate's room and to the living room, Vince snapped. Vince, downstairs overheard Nate let the "m" word slip as he listened to the baby monitor. His son called Emily mama as he was being put to bed. While it delighted Emily to no end, it did the opposite to Vince._

_He was irate, pacing at the bottom of the steps waiting for Emily to come down. Mama… How could she let his son call her mama? No. No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't allowed. _

_Hearing her come did nothing to quell the anger. "What are you doing Emily?"_

"_Coming down the stairs?" she responded innocently. _

"_Here. What are you doing here? He's not your kid," Vince told her once again. "Stop acting like he is. Stop taking over our lives. Stop always being here. I don't want you here."_

"_All I did was bring presents to a little boy I care about and spend time with my friends who invited me. What's so bad about that?" she asked. _

"_What's so bad is that this isn't your life. I don't want you as the mother of my son. If I wanted a wife, I would have married a woman. This is supposed to be our family: mine and James'. You're not a part of it. I heard him call you mama. You are not his mother. Damn it!" he yelled to himself. "I knew we shouldn't have used you. I knew it."_

"_Calm down Vince, please. You're going to wake him."_

"_No! I won't calm down, and if he does wake up, I'll put him back down. Me! His father! Not you. You. Are. Nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing."_

_Angered by that, though she could on some level at some other time and place see where he was coming from, Emily fought back. "I'm nothing? Then what does that make you? You don't even know if he's yours. James could be his father. Then you'd be nothing!" She didn't mean it. She knew it wasn't all biology. Love and nurturing counted too, but in that moment, she knew where to hit and went for it. _

_A cesspool of anger, resentment, fear, and utter excitement swirled within her. _

"_Emily," James stepped in. "I think it's time you go."_

"_James," she tried to plead. _

"_Emily, I love you, but go."_

_She solemnly nodded and left. _

_That was the last time she saw Nathaniel and Vince. James came by her apartment a week later, told her that he loved her, that Vince wasn't all right, but he wasn't all wrong either. There needed to be some space between them. They were moving. James and Vince wanted to travel a little before relocating for Vince's job. Emily wanted to fight it, wanted to say something, but nothing ever came from her mouth. There was no argument she would win. _

_James walked out of her apartment and never came back. He wrote to her about a month later and so began their arrangement. Emily would get letters with updates and that would be that. _

_With them gone, Emily felt a void she didn't understand before that moment. Wherever they were, she hoped that Nate still had the dog with him and every time he hugged the soft stuffed toy, that he would somehow know that she was out there, wishing she could return that hug too. _

_She didn't know heartbreak until she held something she was never sure she wanted and watched as it was stolen away taking with it a portion of her heart she didn't think would ever heal._


	7. Go

**Chapter 7: Go**

After weeks of making sure things were perfect, monitoring the house and keeping things secure, everything was set. The plan was in motion, the new identities ready, and the necessities packed. It was time to move. But Emily wasn't ready for it to be over.

Emily had spent a lot of time with Nate, James, and even Vince. It seemed like their relationship reached its best point at the end, when they were about to be separated and possibly never see each other again. Emily and Vince were both able to put the past in the past and just focus on the now. Because of that, they were civil and friendly, and eventually it all became genuine. The years of separation, even though she tried to bury the whole thing deep in her mind, allowed her to see Vince's perspective better and Vince hers. So, they were truly getting along after the initial reintroduction when all of the old feelings returned. It was a welcomed change.

"Better late than never, I suppose," she silently told herself.

Now, she spent just about three weeks personally getting to know smart, funny, incredible Nate and getting to know James again. But it would seem, to her, that she was keeping them around and in danger for her own personal reasons. She wrote it off as trying to make the plan and the documents as fool proof as ever, but the truth was that she didn't want to let go again. She didn't want to say goodbye.

If she didn't get over that, she could very well get them killed. And that would kill her. She loved them, and that was part of the problem. It was another kid she had to say goodbye to. First it was Nate, then Declan, and now Nate again… Why did she keep doing this to herself?

Looking at things impartially, it was clear that they were staying there for too long. Emily had things ready, put her mind into making some of the best covers she ever set up and charting out the safest travel itinerary, but her heart hadn't yet caught up to logic. She wasn't ready. She just wasn't.

But at what cost? While it was possible that they could stay there forever without ever being found, it was just as likely that someone could catch wind of their location and come after all of them. All the research she had done into the crime syndicate and Joe Bardolino was enough to terrify her and really be concerned about their safety. Still, she didn't push to move.

"What are you doing Emily?" she asked herself as she sat in the car outside of their apartment.

She spent all morning packing up a few things she would need and convincing herself that she was doing the right thing, even if it felt wrong. Her feelings didn't matter. She had to find the courage to get out and get the process started. Inhale… Hold… Exhale…

"You can do this. You have to. For Nate." She nodded, took one more deep breath, and got out of the car.

Emily didn't bother knocking as she stealthily made her way to the apartment, careful not to blatantly show her face to the cameras. The less any of them were seen on surveillance, the better.

"Hello?" she called out, not seeing anyone upon entry.

"Emily!" Nate ran from his room right to her, throwing his arms around her. "Are you here to play?" he asked her, releasing her from the hug.

"We _can_ play," she told him.

"Yay. We can try the game you got me. Daddy said I should wait until you got here to play because he doesn't know how."

"Sounds good to me. Where are your daddies?"

"In the kitchen and in their room."

"Great. Why don't you go get the game and open it? I'll meet you in your room after I say hello to your daddies."

"Ok!"

He ran off and Emily ventured into the kitchen to see who she'd find first.

"Hey Em," James greeted her as he swirled a spoon around in a bowl. "I'm making a late lunch. Want to join us?"

"That would be great. Vince is here, right?"

"Yes. We know how to listen. Despite the claustrophobia from never leaving, you told us not to go out, and we haven't."

"Good. We need to talk later."

He looked at her curiously. "Should I be worried? What's going on?"

"Don't be worried. We'll talk later."

"Alright," he said, nodding.

"Well, Nate's waiting for me. We're going to play mancala."

"Great. He has been dying to play since you bought it for him."

"You could have just read the directions. It's a simple game."

"Where's the fun in that?"

She rolled her eyes and walked away, dropping her bag on the couch before heading into Nate's room. "Hey Noodle, game all set?"

He laughed, always finding it funny that she called him noodle, derived from Noodle Head because he loved to eat noodles, any kind of noodles.

"Uh huh. I like the rocks. They're pretty."

"Those are marbles," she explained before sitting down and getting into the history of the game a little. He loved her history lessons.

"Why do you know all this stuff?" Nate asked her once she was finished and they were beginning the game.

"Well, I moved around a lot as a kid."

"Like me?"

"Yes, just like you Nate. And everywhere I went, I tried to make the best of it and learn as much as I could. Mancala was popular in South Africa. My mom and I only went there for a few weeks, but I loved playing the game. It kept me busy and helped me make friends with the little girl that lived nearby."

"I want to go to South Africa."

"Maybe someday you will."

"With you?"

"You never know," she responded. As much as she wished she could say yes – to promise him that one day she would show him the world – she knew that was likely to never happen. Not long from then, they would probably never see each other again: no letters, no updates, nothing. He would have to be erased from her life and her from his.

Vince interrupted their talk with a knock on the opened door. "Nate, buddy, time to wash up. Lunch is ready."

"Are you staying?" Nate asked Emily before he got up.

"I am. Go wash your hands and I'll race you to the table."

"Ok," he said and ran, singing that he was going to win.

Emily started cleaning up as Vince remained. "You did a good job with him," she spoke. "Raising him. He's a great boy."

"Thank you," Vince genuinely responded. "He really likes you. I was always jealous then, you know? Of you being in his life."

"You didn't need to be jealous, Vince. I may have crossed some lines and budded in where I shouldn't have. I wasn't in the best place and I got attached to Nate. You were right. As much as I wanted to be something to Nate, I wasn't supposed to be. I knew that, just lost sight of that."

"Oh god… I did say that, didn't I? I was wrong to tell you that you were nothing. I was… I was a new father who felt threatened by you coming in and becoming a part of his life. You were his mother, in a way, and that was the one thing neither James nor I could ever be. So when I saw him take to you and love you, I was upset. It didn't help that he had your eyes, still does, and every time I look at him, I was faced with you. It was hard…" He moved closer and offered a hand to help her up. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way things went down and I wish we didn't shut you out." He didn't know that James sent her updates and she thought it best not to mention that little grace she was afforded.

"Apology accepted," Emily said, taking his hand. "Things can't be changed. We are where we are, and we can only move forward."

"Ok. So, I guess we should get in there. I can hear Nate boasting about beating you."

"Let's eat," she agreed and they went to join the others at the table.

Emily was quiet while they ate, just observing and taking it in. This was the last day they would all be together. Potentially, it was the last time she would ever see them. It was hard for her, and she was dreading telling them. The emotions were right behind her eyes, heavy, present, and waiting to explode.

She watched on as everyone was smiling and laughing, making the most of their isolation. It all seemed normal and ok for them because as long as they were together, they were happy, and, for now, she was a part of it. She did her best to remain present and to interact even though she was quiet and could barely eat her food.

"Everything ok?" James asked.

"Yes, fine," she lied.

"Don't like it? I thought you loved potato au gratin."

"I do. Just not all that hungry." She smiled to try and sell it. They didn't buy it.

"Nate, go put your dish in the sink and then you can play, alright?"

He nodded to his father and asked Emily if she was going to come play again.

"Soon. I'm just going to hang out with your daddies and finish eating first."

He accepted that answer and left the adults to talk. The men waited for her to speak, but, for a few minutes, the only noise was the clink of the metal fork against the glass plate.

"Tomorrow," she said quietly and unexpectedly.

Curious, Vince asked, "What about tomorrow?"

"We're going tomorrow," Emily told them.

"_Going_, going?"

"Yes."

"Are… Are you sure? I mean, do we need to? Can't we just stay here?" James asked.

Truth was that he and Vince liked it there as well. Vince never thought he'd feel this way, but he liked having Emily around. They were doing well, Nate loved England, or what he saw of it, and loved having Emily around. If they could fix things so that they weren't confined to the apartment, they were all for staying.

"You've been here too long. Who knows if anyone has been able to track you. We can't risk it."

"But is everything even ready?"

They were looking for reasons to stall just as she had. The bait was there, and Emily so wanted to take it. She couldn't.

"Yes. I have everything for you, and I'm going to explain it all to you, and then we're going to talk to Nate."

The men looked to each other and then to her. "Ok. Tell us what the plan is."

"We're splitting up."

"We? As in all of us?"

"Yes. I told you from the start that that was going to be how it would work. Vince, because you have the most experience hiding, I'm sending you north to Edinburgh. I have your ID set, and several backups in case any get burned, money, tickets, and everything." She went through his exact trajectory after getting everything out of her purse. Using the map, she showed him the car, bus, and train routes he was going to take and potential deviations if he felt followed or watched.

James, who Emily knew to be a little less capable of figuring things out if they went south, was taking an easier path. He was to use the train to get to Manchester, hop on a flight to Brussels, and then fly to Paris. It was much less complicated, but more easily traced, so she reiterated the rules for him and told him to take every precaution.

"What about Nate?"

"I'm taking him, like we discussed. You're going to have to trust me. I'm hoping they don't know I'm involved in this. But if they do, and they're after Nate, they're still likely to go after one of you before me thinking Nate would be with you. His location with me is confidential. He'll stay safe with me, but I'm not going to tell you our route. I'm not trying to worry you, but this is dangerous. There is a chance that someone from the organization could find one of us and try to use the person as leverage or to extract information." Their faces cringed at that. "So it's best that we don't know more than we already do."

"But… He's our son."

"And I promise I would lay down my life for him. I promise," she assured them, and they didn't doubt that.

Emily did her best to quell their worries, but she was worried too. The men had been doing a lot of moving and hiding, but nothing like this, and it was going to be hard for them. Still, she convinced them this was the best option and that she wouldn't have agreed to it otherwise. They all just wanted what was best for Nate and the two were aware that, even if they were caught, tortured, or whatever, they didn't care as long as their son was safe.

"Everything should take about a week."

"A week?"

"I know it seems like a long time without communicating, but it's for all of our safety. We don't know what these people know and, from what I've uncovered, Vince's family is very, very connected."

Vince didn't have anything to refute that.

"We will all meet in Paris and go to the final location together."

"What's the final location?"

"I'm not telling you."

"What?"

"Look, I'm putting in a fail-safe. In each of your travel packs are back up locations. If one of you get to Paris and the other isn't there in the assigned spot within one day of the agreed upon time, then you find your way to the location. No one will know what it is except for me, and I will contact you there."

"Emily…. This seems crazy."

"I know."

"Have you done this before?"

Sadly, she answered, "Yes. I'm not being paranoid, I'm being vigilant. That's exactly what you need to be. There's no turning back. People are after you, so we have to do this and do it right. So, very early tomorrow morning, like before most people are awake, we go. We try not to get caught on camera. Hoods up. Hats on. Do whatever to shield your face. Change clothes at every stop, and whatever you do, don't lose any of the papers or panic. Got it?"

"Got it," they agreed.

"Good, then I'm going to talk to Nate. You guys need to pack the essentials. Travel light. I have money set up for you once we get settled in the final location and it should be enough to get things going for you and to get you whatever you need."

As she stood to go see Nate, James' hand grabbed hers. "Thank you, Emily."

She silently nodded and walked away. For the rest of the night, she just wanted to spend a little time with Nate so that she could have the closest thing to closure that she could. She would never be ok with not seeing him, but she had to reconcile that with the fact that this was life or death. If Bardolino's cronies found them, they'd kill James and maybe Vince, and take Nate to be his newest prodigy. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do to prevent that.

"So, Nate. You want to help me pack?"

"Pack? Why? Are we going somewhere?"

"Yes," she said, and explained that there was a house waiting for them that would be perfect and then they wouldn't have to move anymore.

"Are you coming too?"

"For a little while, yes. You and I are going to travel together while your daddies go set up the house," she lied.

"You're not going to live with us?"

"No, Nate. I live here. So, I'm going to go with you for a little while and then you and your dads will live happily ever after."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Will you live happily ever after?"

_No._ She couldn't see that happening now, but she wasn't going to tell that to a child. "Of course."

"Will you come visit?" he innocently asked, hopeful.

"Aww, Nate. Are you going to miss me?" _Deflection…_

He nodded.

"Come here," she said, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm going to miss you too. And if there is ever a chance that I can see you again, I promise I will."

That was all the answer he needed. He moved on to help her pack his things. They didn't go crazy, just filled up a bag with some clothes, toiletries, and a few fun things to keep him occupied. They didn't have much anyway, so most of Nate's things fit into the one bag. Everything else was going into the garbage. It was sad, but that was the way it had to be.

"I think we're all set."

"Thank god," he said dramatically making Emily laugh. "Now can we play again?"

"Sure thing."

They played a few games before it came time for dinner and then bed. It was a long day and they would be leaving early, so bedtime needed to be early as well.

"Can I…" Emily stumbled with her words. "Can I tuck him in?" she asked, realizing this was her last chance.

James and Vince couldn't deny her that. "Yes. Please. He'd like that. Oh, I know. Tell him the story you told me when we were in high school."

"I don't know that any of those stories are appropriate."

"The one you told me your nanny told you as a kid."

"Ok."

It was an old folk tale from Brazil that Emily agreed was perfect for Nate, especially since he seemed fond of her out there stories. He did, indeed, love it and he fell asleep easily. Emily felt glued to her spot though. She didn't want to move, opting to just watch him sleep for a moment.

The last few weeks were everything she ever wanted with them. Her relationship with Vince was improved, though, she didn't know if that was both of them just repairing what they could and making the best of it because the situation was forcing their hands and they didn't need to be miserable while spending time together, or if it was genuine. Still, it was better. Being with James was just like old times. And getting to know Nate was something she yearned for over the last few years even if she tried to convince herself otherwise. It was like the three weeks were her dream and now it was all coming to an end.

Finally getting the courage to walk away, Emily left Nate's room in search of his fathers.

"You guys all packed?"

"We've got the essentials," James answered.

"But there's still so much. It's crazy that we've accumulated all of this in such a short time. We only came with a few suitcases and each other."

"That happens," she responded.

"You ok?" James asked, noticing her glassy eyes.

"I'm fine. Um… I need to head home to get a few last minute things for tomorrow. While I'm gone, can you get everything ready to be tossed. We need to scrub the place."

"Scrub the place?"

"Yeah. I don't care if there are pots and pans left, but I want to get rid of everything that could lead to any of you. Nothing identifiable, especially with Nate. Everything he's not taking needs to be tossed. I want it to look like a kid never lived here."

"We'll take care of it."

"Great. I'm going to spend the night on the couch again, just to make sure everything's set, and make sure we get ready and off on time in the morning. That alright with you?"

"Absolutely," both men agreed. James added, "I would like to spend a little time with you before we go, too, so it's perfect."

"I'll be back in about an hour. You know the drill."

Vince followed her to the door and did all the locks up behind her. They had work to finish in the apartment, so while Emily went to her place, they tried to do what she asked.

When Emily got home, she had a bad feeling of impending doom. She never claimed to be psychic, nor did she have any sixth sense for danger, and maybe it was just her paranoia knowing that she had prolonged the travel, but the feeling was there in full force. She didn't think she was followed, but still, she wanted to make her apartment as clean as possible, no trace of her relationship with the Hadleys, just in case.

She couldn't take everything with her. That wouldn't make sense, so she rearranged a few things, hiding the important documents and the Nate stuff in the other safe which was beyond where anyone could find it. People could search her place top to bottom, but it was very strategically placed. She didn't want to be too careful. If her research into Bardolino showed anything, it was that he was ruthless and good at both following trails and covering his track. It was possible she was on his radar now. So, she hid things.

"Good."

With that done, she felt a little better, but the feeling was still there, so she didn't want to waste time. The sooner she got back to them, the better she would feel. One final pass through her apartment and her car to make sure all was set, Emily decided she was as ready as she'd ever be, had all she needed, and, now, just needed to be with them.

Though, even that didn't solve the problem. She went there, saw that they did what she asked, took stuff out to the trash, and monitored security feeds all the while, but it wasn't enough. It was getting late, and she was tired, but she wanted to get on the road.

"I think we should move tonight," she told them.

"It's practically midnight. Why now?"

She shook her head. "I just finished getting everything out of here that needs to be out… I just… I have a bad feeling."

"Nate's sleeping."

"That's better. I can get him into my car, move to my next point, and get some distance before he wakes, and you'll be all set to leave in the morning."

"We won't get to say goodbye."

"We can wake him up…" she offered.

"No… Then he won't settle. It's just… It's hard to know we won't be able to see or talk to him for a while."

"I know…" she said. "Wake him up. Say goodbye. It's ok. He needs it too, I'm sure. Remind him that everything will be ok and that he'll be travelling with me, so it'll be like an adventure."

They nodded and did exactly that. Nate was sad, of course, but was excited to be going on an adventure with Emily "like all of her stories." They said their goodbyes, and, down the line, they would all be happy that Emily made them wake him up.

She put her hand on Nate's shoulder and said, "Come on Nate. Time to go."

He leaned into her. "I'm tired."

"I know. You can sleep in the car. Alright?"

"Alright," he said, gripping Patch as she escorted him out.

She got him settled in the car, buckled and comfortable in the back seat, but before anything else could happen, Emily's phone alerted her. "That's the alarm," she said to herself, pulling out the burner connected to the security system.

Someone tripped the alarm and, from where she was, she could see James and Vince standing in the window of Nate's room watching them. She looked to them and back to Nate. Nate was asleep, but she didn't want to leave him, so she started waving her hands wildly, the streetlight illuminating her movements before dialing the burner she knew they had.

James and Vince noticed it right away and began to open the window. However, as Vince did that, James heard something coming from the other room.

"Emily, what's going on?" Vince answered the phone.

"Get out. Get out of there."

Her warning came too late. Inside the apartment, James was being tossed to the floor by two men as another searched the place. Vince dropped the phone as one of the goons threw him up against the window asking where Nate was. "Where's the boy? Give us the boy and Joe says you can live."

Emily could hear the muffled sounds of fighting and pieces of the conversation as rushed closer, intent to help, but Vince's eyes met hers and she could see and hear him say, "Go." Go and protect Nate. She was torn, one foot ready to run back to Nate and drive off, the other set to charge in and save them. "Go." She could hear him repeat it even as he was out of sight, his body taking hits.

It was too late for them. She had to go before they caught up to her. No time to think, she got into her car, gave one quick look at Nate and sped off, just praying that the authorities, who she called as she drove, would get there in time to help them.


	8. Discovery

_A check in with the team before we head back to Emily and Nate… _

**Chapter 8: Discovery**

After leaving Elizabeth's, Clyde got a call about halfway through their journey back to the BAU office.

"It's one of my contacts," he told Hotch, who was driving, before answering.

"I have some new information," the accented man told Clyde. Jessup, the caller, informed him that there were signs of at least three assailants in the London flat. "Evidence still showed that Emily was present at the scene and there were reports of a woman fleeing the area. There was a security system in place that connected to an outside source. It was tracked to a phone that was dumped in a public area. Tests are being run, but it appeared wiped clean of prints and anything digital that could be of help.

"What about the call to the authorities? Have you heard it?"

"There were several."

"Can you send them and anything else you haven't already?"

"Certainly Clyde. You owe me for this."

"Well, I am a good man to have in your debt."

"I know. I'll send everything through the secure connection as soon as I possibly can."

"Thank you."

"Oh and Clyde."

"Yes?"

"There have been questions about you."

"Meaning?"

"They're looking into potential associates of Emily. Your name has come up. They want to talk to you."

"I'll take care of it."

Clyde didn't bother with goodbye, just thanked Jessup once more and hung up.

"Learn anything?" Hotch asked.

"A woman matching Emily's description was seen running from the flat," Clyde told him.

"That doesn't mean she did it."

"Naturally. What that tells us is that she might know something, may be in danger, and we're not much closer to finding her."

"Hopefully whatever Garcia has found will help with that."

Clyde nodded as Hotch focused on the road. They were almost there and really hoping that Garcia or the team found some clue as to what happened. Though, despite believing his team was the best, Hotch had to wonder how they were going to break it if Clyde, who lived near and interacted more with Emily as of late, couldn't. But they knew her collectively, and each with their own experiences. So maybe their combined abilities along with Clyde's would be just the recipe they needed.

That was, after all, one of the main reasons Clyde came to them. That, of course, and the fact that he was pretty sure someone in his office, someone from Emily's team even, was involved in this all somehow. He just wasn't sure how or who, so he wanted outside help. If they came to the same conclusion, he'd know that he wasn't just looking for more problems where there weren't any.

"Come on. They're waiting for us," Hotch said once they arrived.

He rushed them up to the BAU floor and immediately looked for the team. Everyone seemed to be gathered in the roundtable room.

"Time to see what they have," Hotch thought and continued walking with Clyde beside him.

Everyone seemed involved in something, trying to solve this before a case came up that forced them to work on that instead of helping Emily.

"Hello, Miss Garcia," Clyde charmed. "You've found something."

"Oh yes," she said. "A potentially big something. Sit. Sit. Everyone look."

The team settled around the table as Garcia pulled up a picture of an ID. "This is one of the IDs found at the scene for the dead guy, the one they couldn't identify."

"How did you get this?" Clyde asked.

"Umm… Probably best you don't know."

"Fair enough," he said and urged her on.

"Well, this was one of the IDs and…" she pulled up several other similar images next to it on the screen. "These are others. They all look the same, right?"

"Right," the group said.

"Wrong."

"What do you mean? We can see them. They're the same."

"The same man, yes. But I put it through facial recognition since the body itself was so beaten the face was unrecognizable. Anyway… the point. There were no exact matches in any database, and I looked all over the world in any database I could. I even cross referenced these IDs against each other."

"And they weren't a match?" Derek asked.

"No," Reid said. "Look. It's hard to notice but in this one," he pointed to the first photo, "The eyebrows are a little higher. And this one," he moved to the next, "Has a more defined chin. The symmetry between the photos are altered. The same picture, the same guy, but changed to make them unrecognizable to machines."

"Exactly! See, the boy genius gets it. The pictures were slightly altered and the back stopping for each identity is impeccable. This is CIA level stuff."

"CIA… like something Emily could do or have done, like she did with Declan," Rossi added.

"Yes. Exactly like that."

"Clyde, did you know about this?" Hotch asked.

"That Emily has been setting up covers? Obviously not or I would have shared that. Emily can't do this alone. She'd have to go to her contacts for that."

"Do you know who those contacts might be?"

"You know Emily. She has a multitude of resources that go beyond any of our knowledge. The only ones I've known for sure are dead after Doyle found them."

"Uh… Gentlemen," Penelope interrupted. "Before you go all testosterone fit, I am man, hear me roar on us trying to decipher the intricate web woven by our dear friend, there's more."

"More?"

"Yes. I put all of these photos together into various compilations and searched again for any matches."

"And?" JJ asked. Garcia had been withholding until everyone was together while she worked out all the details.

"Oh, I found over two hundred partials. Some were totally crazy. Didn't match the picture much except for structure. Narrowed it down some more and used my best judgment to get viable possibilities."

Reid asked, "So, how many?"

"Ten feasible options. I'll put them up right now and see if you come to the same conclusion I have." And boy, if they did, things just got a whole lot more complicated.

One by one, Garcia put the ID photos up. Each of them looked at the different pictures in detail. They all said that the pictures held some similarities, but most didn't look right.

Rossi, however, saw one that caught his eye. "This one looks like a much younger guy and an old photo."

"That's because it is, my friend."

"What's the story?" Derek asked.

"That is Dominic Bardolino."

"As in the Bardolino crime family?"

"One in the same," Garcia answered Rossi. "This is from fifteen years ago, the last time he was seen."

"I'm assuming that, since he's in the viable category, that he's missing and not dead," Hotch said.

"Well, depends who you ask. I did some digging and, while the rumors are that he died, there's no evidence to support it. And… dun, dun, dun… I did an age projection based on this photo and got this…" She clicked a key and brought up a new image, one that looked remarkably like the fake ID pictures.

"He's certainly the closest," Reid told them. "Same oval face, high cheek bones, even though they're a little higher in the fakes. The basic structure is similar enough that it could definitely be him."

Clyde examined the picture and said, "Bardolino came onto our radar at Interpol."

"Really?"

"Yes. He wasn't a target, but his name came up in investigation. There was a vague connection between him and JTF-12 target."

Reid worriedly asked, "So, it's possibly revenge?"

"Another Doyle situation?" JJ sighed.

"No, we didn't take the case."

"Why not?" Rossi asked.

"We profiled terrorists and we were good at it, but I was in charge and I wasn't stupid enough to send anyone into that mess."

"Who were you after?"

"I'm not at liberty to say, though I will tell you this. He had his foot in every business. He was believed to supply weapons to political extremists which was what put him in our crosshairs. It appeared as if he was responsible for several attacks throughout Europe, but there was no evidence. After our initial research showed that he was involved with other seedy businesses that went beyond our scope, I didn't think we should pursue it."

"What made you not?" Hotch asked dubiously. An ambitious young agent like he was sure Clyde was

"Emily and Tsia were the only women on our team and, dealing with human trafficking, even if we went in as a buyer or seller, they'd end up on the frontline also. They were new and not yet ready for such a task. I was not going to jeopardize their lives or our chances to take the target down when it wasn't even in our domain, so I passed it to another team to work on and see if they could find an alternative route to getting him."

"It's not revenge then. So how does this all tie together?"

"I don't know."

"Perhaps this has to do with what Elizabeth told us about James Hadley."

"What did she say?" asked Rossi. "How did things go with her?"

"She knew who James was. He and Emily were very good friends in high school.

"He's also gay, which could mean that he and, presumably, Dominic were in a relationship when they were attacked."

"If that's true," JJ began, "then where does Emily fit in?"

"And why would she help them with cover IDs?" Derek asked.

"I can pull up all that cyberspace has to offer about James and Dominic," Garcia offered.

"Do it," Hotch ordered.

"Who would you like to know more about first?"

"Bardolino."

"Ok then." She did her thing and searched for him far and wide. "There's nothing on him for the past fifteen years. After he disappeared, that's it. He didn't just disappear from home, he went off the grid. No credit card purchases, no bank account. Nothing."

"Hmmm," the group pondered that.

"What do we know about him before that?"

"Well, he was an average kid. Grades were not great, but not bad. Went to a private school in Massachusetts just outside of Boston where he lived with his father, Joseph, mother Francesca, and older siblings Joey Jr. and Ava. Seemed a bit like the black sheep. His sister was sent to a prestigious boarding school in New York, probably to keep her out of," her face scrunched thinking how to word things, "family affairs. Oldest son was taken under daddy's wing. Looked like he was being groomed and is now a very active part of the organization."

"Was Dominic part of the business?" Rossi questioned.

"He appeared the black sheep of the family. Got in fights at school, didn't seem to fit in, and didn't really spend too much time at home from what I can tell. If he was involved, it wasn't obvious. I searched all records of him and there's nothing screaming at me."

None of that seemed useful.

"Alright. Keep looking later. See if you can find any evidence of him over the last decade," Hotch told her.

She nodded and moved on. "Now onto the elusive Mr. James Hadley," Garcia began. "Aside from the basics that we already know, there's not much about him out there in the cyber web. Like Dominic, He's a trust fund baby, kind of like Emily, only he's been using the money."

Reid asked, "No job?"

"He was doing well investing in stocks. Made plenty of money that way."

"Can we track the money? Does that tell us anything?" Reid asked her.

"Just that they moved around a lot. And that it looks like there was some other money being deposited, every two weeks."

"Where did the money come from?"

"It looks like he had a joint account with a Vincent Hadley… Hold on one second…" Garcia said, typing away. "Oh this looks promising."

"What is it?"

"The money in the account is drained to another in the Caymans. Very suspicious. I can't trace it, but it looks like the money was transferred a few months ago. Also, Vincent Hadley doesn't really exist, well, not until a little after Dominic vanished off the face of the earth."

"Then it's really possible they're the same guy?"

"Most definitely. I'm sure he had connections through his father to get an identity made for him. So, it's definitely not out there to connect the two. Plus, it's not inventive. Vincent was Dominic's middle name. That's another connection."

"Is there any information on Vincent?" JJ asked.

"Well, the money that was being deposited could've come from Vincent if he had a job under the table, but there's no record of that. He did, however, work in construction a while back which was why they moved around a bit. He was in a domestic partnership with James Hadley. It wasn't exactly legal for gay marriage then, you know. None of the benefits and all that jazz. He doesn't have any cyber trail either. Everything seemed to have gone through James. Taxes, accounts, everything has James as the main name. Neither have any social media. Well, that's not completely true. James had one, I believe, but there were no pictures or any identifying information other than a name, so I will look into that more too."

"Great," Hotch said. "Keep those searches going in the background. I don't want that to be your main focus because it might not lead to anything but let us know if you happen across something."

"You got it," Garcia agreed.

They had background information on Vincent/Dominic, James, and Emily. All of them were connected and now, also connected to the mob. There were so many ways this could go, so many ties in different directions, and, while it seemed like a lot of helpful information, it didn't help them figure out what happened, where Emily was, or who exactly was responsible.

"Do we have any idea what actually happened?" JJ asked, frustrated.

"Not a clue." And it was bothering all of them.

What they knew didn't exactly equate to anything of substance. There were a few different avenues they could follow, but they couldn't lose the feeling that they were missing something. There was some vital piece of information that they hadn't figured out, even with everyone searching through their own theories. Profiling wasn't the answer until they knew what they were profiling.

"What about Elizabeth? What else did she have to say?" Rossi asked. "Anything useful?"

"It's more what she didn't say. We could tell she was hiding something."

"She was as skilled as Emily at keeping the truth from coming out, but not quite as adept at concealing body language," Clyde told them.

"Think you can check her phone records after we left and see if there's anything that might help us find where Emily is?" Hotch addressed Garcia.

"I can do that."

"You really think Emily would call her of all people?" Derek spat out. That didn't make complete sense to him.

"Maybe. She didn't call any of us, right? Besides, if she was targeted, which we don't know yet that she wasn't, then whoever did it might not have known that they were on talking terms again."

"It's worth a shot," Rossi agreed.

"On the way over, my contact called with some new information," Clyde interrupted.

"And you're waiting until now to say something?" Derek grumbled.

"Hotch knew," Clyde defended. "And I'm still waiting for my contact to finish sending everything. There were three attackers. I also have him sending the emergency calls. Perhaps that will have some pertinent information."

"Alright, here's what we're going to do." Hotch gave orders. "JJ, call your contacts at Boston PD and see what they're willing to tell you about the Bardolino family and associates. Reid and Morgan, go through everything Garcia gave us on both the men. Rossi, you can work with Clyde. His contacts gave him an update. Profile the scene more with him. I'm going to go through Emily's time in London. Maybe something happened recently."

Everyone nodded and got to work.

Clyde and Rossi looked through the secure documents and were about to listen to the calls when Clyde told him, "In respect for you and your team, I'm telling you that I am also a suspect in the London investigation. As an associate of Emily's, they believe I may be involved."

"I don't think you'd be here if you were."

"I would not, no."

"So, I'll keep this to myself unless it becomes relevant."

"Thank you."

Rossi nodded and began to play the recordings. "That's Emily," he said when they played one. Clyde's head bobbed. It was definitely her.

Her voice filled the air as she spoke, scared, but clear. She identified three male assailants with vague descriptions of two of them, saying that there were two men at the London address being attacked.

"We should have Garcia look into those men, see if she could find any members of the Bardolino family that fit that description."

"Can't hurt," Rossi agreed with Clyde.

When they went to the tech to ask her, she said she'd look into it. "But that's a stretch. Those descriptions were vague at best and there are probably over a million people that fit those descriptions."

"I know."

Her computer dinged and alerted her to something. After some clicking, Garcia said, "And it will have to wait. I've found something else."

"What is it?" asked Rossi as he waved the whole team over to pay attention.

"I searched the banking history for any anomalies and there was a large payment that doesn't make sense to me."

"How does it not make sense?" JJ asked.

Garcia's nose wrinkled and she continued to work her magic.

"What? What is it, Baby Girl?" Derek questioned.

"It looks like there were several checks made out to a clinic right here in Virginia."

Clyde asked her, "A medical clinic? Was someone sick?"

"No. I mean, yes. It's a medical clinic, but a fertility clinic. They were trying to have a kid. Paid a lot of money for it too."

"Did they have one?" JJ asked, voice raised.

They all knew that would change things. That would mean there was a kid involved, and if there was a kid, where was he or she?

"I'm searching. I'm searching." They impatiently waited and listened to the keystrokes. "There! It looks like there's a birth certificate here. Nathaniel Hadley. Eight years old. It looks like James is listed as the father. Mother is left blank.

"Where the hell is Nathaniel? Was he in the apartment when they were attacked?" Hotch asked Clyde.

"There were no signs of a child. I went through everything same as you," Clyde said. "There was no indication."

"Where is he? Do the people who attacked James and Dominic have him?" Reid asked.

Derek scoffed. "Or is this Emily being Emily and protecting a kid again?"

"I can't answer that," Garcia said, feeling all eyes on her. "I can keep looking, but we don't know who did this or what happened. We don't have a lot for me to go on. I need something."

"Let's focus on one thing," Hotch said.

"Emily," Clyde added.

"Yes. Let's look at this just as if Emily ran with the kid. That's the only thing I can think of that would keep Emily from trying to fight off the attackers and help her friends if she was there. And it is believed she was there," Reid said.

"Baby Girl, think like we did when we were looking for Declan. What would Emily do and where would she go in Europe to get away from whatever was happening and keep the boy safe?"

"She'd go somewhere outside of England."

"Somewhere she was comfortable," Reid added to JJ's statement.

"Italy?" Derek asked.

Rossi and Clyde both answered, "No."

"But it would be somewhere that she knew well. If not Italy, maybe France."

"I'll look now," Garcia said. "I'll search all routes to get to both places and see what I can find."

The rest of the team waited with bated breath watching her until she kicked them out.

"I need space to work. Having you staring is not making me work any faster. It's slowing me down. Now we have a missing kid and a missing Emily! I need to focus. Shoo!"

Surrendering to her pleas, the rest of them moved out of the way, trying to focus on other aspects of the case. Knowing there was a child involved and looking at the injuries, the group profiled that it very well could have been an interrogation. Like they were looking for something… or someone. Nathaniel. And profiling that was discomforting, hearing their technical analyst yell and scare them made it even worse.

After searching for any anomalies or anything that could be connected to Emily, she found something that stood out in France, tracked it, looked at it from several angles, and truly believed it to involve Emily.

"Oh! Oh! Oh. My. God," Garcia yelled. "I think I found Emily. I think I found her. She was in an accident!"


	9. Hit

_I felt bad about leaving you off on a cliffhanger, so you're getting this one a little early, and, if I feel like it, I'll still post on the regular day. Don't say I never did anything nice. This one will answer some questions about that cliffhanger. _

**Chapter 9: Hit **

Emily's eyes were wide open despite her worry and lack of sleep. Tired and stressed as she was, she was on high alert. Though it didn't seem like they were following her, and she did often check for any stalking cars, the fact remained that Bardolino's men caught up to them and it was her fault. She waited too long. She knew she was pushing it, but she was selfish. It could have cost them their life, her life, _Nate's_ life.

"God, they could be dead," she said to herself, her fists squeezing the steering wheel so tightly they weren't getting any blood. Her friends could be dead, and it would be her fault. "What did I do? Why did I wait?" She wanted to yell so badly, and if Nate wasn't asleep in the back seat, she would have.

She kept asking herself why she didn't try to help them, why she didn't do what she was supposed to and protect them. How? How did things happen like this? The thoughts were racing; thoughts about how she should have gone into that apartment and at least tried. Yes, her priority was Nate, but that didn't mean she wanted to just leave them to fend for themselves. They had a plan. _She_ had a plan. Her mind drifted to what could possibly have been or could still be happening to her friends. The images were not pretty. Their ultimate goal, she gathered after profiling Bardolino as a man and a criminal, was to have a legacy. In her research, she learned that Joey Jr., Vince's older brother, died recently. Emily guessed that was what put Joe on the hunt for his other son to carry the name and business. Along the way, they discovered Nate, a new male heir that wasn't tainted by years of distance and experiences they had in the past. So, she had to assume Nate was the end goal. What they would do to reach that goal… The pictures she was conjuring were disturbing. Thankfully, Nate chose the right moment to wake up and break her trance of self-beratement.

"Emily?"

She looked back quickly and then, focused on the road, peeked at him through the rearview mirror. "Hey Nate. It's still late. Try to go back to sleep."

"Do you know where we're going yet?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"We're going to a whole new country."

"Really?"

"Yes. And we're almost there."

She had been driving for nearly two hours and they were in the home stretch to the first destination.

"But where's here?"

"We're going to Wales," she told him.

"Like the fish in the sea?"

"No, not like the mammal in the ocean."

"What?"

"A lesson for another day, Nate. Try to rest. We're almost there."

"Will you wake me when we get to Wales?"

"Sure. Yes. I will wake you."

"Awesome," he sleepily replied, followed by a yawn. "I think I'm going to like our adventure."

She wanted so badly to enjoy that, to truly believe that this would be her last fun hoorah with the child, but she knew too much. It might be fun for him because he was ignorant to the danger, but seeing how she didn't know if either James or Vince were even alive, she had no idea what came next. She was going to go on her adventure with him carrying the pipe dream that both Vince and James were still out there, living, breathing, and on their way. It was a long shot, but she had to hope – for Nate. Maybe a little for herself too. She didn't know how to deal with the guilt.

In the meantime, she had to remain strong and just focus on Nate and getting them to safety. She used some of her contacts to have a place to lay low for a day or so before their flight. She was debating whether or not to go to Paris as planned. Though the plane tickets that would have eventually got James and Vince to Paris weren't in their possession, instead, waiting to be picked up at the airport, the men there could have easily tracked it once they got a hold of the fake IDs, and she was sure they did.

"I think it's our only option," she whispered. They would have to go to Paris unless she could think of something better before then.

She would keep thinking about it, but only after they were settled in for the rest of the night.

"Hey Nate, we're just about to be in Wales," she told him.

He shifted awake and quietly looked out the window, not saying much. "We're going to stay here?" Nate asked when they pulled into a nearly empty lot. There wasn't anything around.

"No."

"Good, because there aren't even any whales."

Emily smiled. "No there aren't. There won't be any when we get there either. But right now, we have to get into the other car and then we'll be there. Just ten minutes."

"Ok."

Emily opened the door for him and helped him out, handing him the blanket. Before moving the stuff that she packed from her car to the new one, she got the keys out of the glove box and got Nate in.

"We'll leave in a second. Just get comfortable again and buckle up."

He nodded and she got to work. As soon as the trunk was filled and the Nate was buckled, they took off. She wasn't familiar with Wales but managed to get them where they needed to be. Nate liked the ride over the bridge.

"That's where we're staying," Emily told Nate, pointing to a rather large house that belong to an acquaintance who owed her a favor. "We're going to be here for a day or so."

"It looks big."

"It is big. It will give us plenty of room to play. But, first, we need to get in and you need to get back into a real bed."

He wanted to argue with her, but he was tired. It was still the middle of the night and his was kind of restless with the drive. So, when Emily pulled the car up and carried the sleepy boy into the house, he didn't say one word. But he didn't want to be alone.

As Emily was pulling his shoes off and getting him cozy for bed, he asked, "Will you stay with me?"

"Sure. I would love to." She happily slipped off her own shoes and snuck into bed with him. Everything else could wait until tomorrow, she thought, as she cuddled with Nate. He was out in no time, but she couldn't shut off her mind. She needed to find out what happened with James and Vince, but she didn't want to use internet to do that. She'd figure it out.

"They told you to go. They wanted you to protect Nate," she told herself, trying to quiet the voice in her head. "Take a deep breath and stop thinking about it. There's nothing you can do." The more she told herself not to think about it or tried to distract herself, the more she did think about it. It was driving her crazy.

It took a few hours, the sun already beginning to rise, before she calmed herself enough to fall asleep. She was resigned to taking Nate out for breakfast where she could use the public internet access to search for any news. That was the only thing that allowed her rest: a plan.

When she woke up a few hours later, her arm was numb from Nate's weight, but, for a moment, she couldn't stop the smile as she looked at the sleeping boy, everything else temporarily forgotten. Emily wrapped her arms around him a little tighter, holding him briefly before she slipped her hand out from under him and snuck out of bed.

Based on her experience with Nate and given the continuous wake ups the past night, she knew she had at least another hour before he'd wake, plenty of time for her to get in a quick shower and get some things out of the car. She looked in on him quickly before heading outside to grab their bags. She didn't plan to unpack everything, but at least wanted to bring in their clothes and toothbrushes. She did that, hopped in the shower, and changed all before Nate's feet started padding down the hall in search of her.

"Emily?" he called out.

"In here," she responded, sitting on the floor in the other room ruffling through the bags.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get some clothes out. I thought we could go out for breakfast. What do you think?"

They were as safe as they could be, and she knew she had to keep things as normal as possible. She could take him out as long as she was cautious.

"Can we go somewhere fun too?"

"We'll see. Food first."

"Ok." He moved closer. "I like this one." Nate pointed to one of his tops. "Can I wear that?"

"Of course, here." She passed it to him along with a pair of jeans. "I put your toothbrush in the bathroom. Brush, get dressed, and then come downstairs. We'll go in a little while."

He smiled and tilted his head back, his sloppy bed head hair covering his eyes. Watching him, seeing all three of them in Nate, just made Emily more anxious to find out whatever she could. They couldn't stay there long, but she knew that she wanted to do what she could to make it seem like a fun adventure to Nate rather than a getaway.

So, when he met her downstairs, she passed him a blue ballcap and put on a matching one before the two headed out. She didn't know where she was going but figured there had to be a suitable place nearby if they wandered a little.

"Can we go there?" Nate asked, pointing out the window to a diner.

Emily didn't see a problem with it and found a parking spot. He held her hand as they walked to the building, up until they sat down at a table.

"Get whatever you want," she told him.

"Even ice cream?" His eyes went wide with excitement.

"Only if it comes on top of something else. They have pancakes."

"No. Waffles. Waffles are better 'cause the craters are syrup boats. And chocolate milk."

Emily laughed, and, deciding to live a little childlike, she ordered the same thing. Waiting for the food, Emily pulled out one of the burners, one she could toss after, and searched the internet for news. She found a few online articles about the breaking news. One dead, one in critical condition… That's what it said. It didn't give names, just that, as of then, it was believed to be a home invasion. They were looking for a female suspect. _Me,_ she thought, as well as several males… Of all that, the only thing she could focus on was that one of them was dead. She would have to tell Nate that one of his fathers was dead.

How was she supposed to do that? She sighed. She was sad and now she was going to have to break this news to Nate who, undoubtedly, would not take it well. He was going to be devastated.

"Are you sad?"

"What?" Emily's head rose, as she was pulled from her thoughts.

"You're crying."

"No… No, I'm ok." She quickly wiped the stray tear. She'd have to just act normal. Now was not the time to break the news. "I have to use the restroom. Can you stay here and don't move?"

"Ok."

"No leaving this spot, ok."

"I won't. But I'm not a baby. I can sit here by myself."

"No, you're not a baby. I'll be right back," she said, reluctantly excusing herself, but making sure to ask one of the waitresses to just keep an eye on Nate.

She just needed a moment to collect herself, to splash some water on her face, and push the sadness away. Reacting so strongly would do nothing but make Nate worry and react himself. She couldn't let that happen. She would tell him when she knew for sure who died and how bad the other one was.

"Pull it together," she told herself and shook it off. She definitely didn't want to leave Nate unsupervised for too long.

Heading back to the table, she dumped the phone in the garbage. She saw Nate still in the same spot and the food on the table.

"You didn't start?" she asked as she sat.

"No. Daddy says it's nice to wait for everyone to be at the table and about to eat."

"That's very polite of you. Thank you. Dig in."

The two had a pleasant breakfast, but Emily was still on the lookout. News from England could easily make its way there and the description they released of the woman fleeing the scene, aka her, wasn't all that inaccurate. So, if it spread, someone could think it was her. _Yeah, that and about a thousand other brunettes,_ she reminded herself. There was no way. Until they released her name and picture, she was ok. And there was no mention of Nate, so that was working in her favor.

After both were done eating and the bill was paid, they walked around the area a little. Emily didn't want to venture too far, but, after it was clear that the news would catch wind of the story and there was only so long that Clyde could pull strings and keep her face out of the papers, she knew she had to get them out of there sooner than planned. She had two open tickets to France and, though it was possible that the goons could catch on to the Parisian meeting place she had set, she was more comfortable there than they would be, so she'd have the upper hand.

"Anything you want to do today, Nate?"

"Is there anything cool to see here?"

"Well, I've only been here once and that was just in passing, so I honestly don't know. Why don't we walk around some more and see what's here? If we don't see anything we like, we'll head back to the house and watch dumb TV."

"Ok. Sounds fun," he agreed.

They didn't really see anything that caught their eye, but did stop at a bookstore. They would have some downtime in hiding and the least they could do to occupy time was read.

"Pick a few books," she told him. "Let me know if you find one you like, or you need help reaching something."

"Hey," he said defensively, hands on his hips. "I'm not short."

"No, you're not. You're just not fully grown."

Nate rolled his eyes and strolled through the titles, searching. Emily watched as he carefully looked at each book and, when he saw one he might like, pulled it out. His head moved from side to side as he examined the cover, then shrugged as he moved over to the chair to look through the inside more. He was cute, and the way he did that reminded her a lot of herself when she was younger.

She liked finding things in him that were also part of her, not just physically, but behaviorally. They had some similar quirks. His laugh, though, was all James, the way he put his whole body into it. And his incredible kindness could also be attributed to James, but the way he was so protective, even if she only saw it once, was very Vince-like. She did like to think that his ability to understand and read a situation was something he got from her. She was slowly learning about him, but she loved it.

Emily kept in eye on him as she grabbed a few books for herself. He seemed pretty engrossed in the graphic novel he found and knew they would be taking that home with them. Taking two for herself, she returned to him.

"Like that one?"

"It's good," he said.

"Any others?"

Nate pointed to the collection next to him. This he definitely got from her too.

"Think we can narrow it down to three?"

"Yeah." Lips pursed, he looked through all of them like he was making a calculated decision. "Hmm… This one…" He looked again. "This one, and this one."

"Awesome. Let's go pay."

Once the books were officially theirs, the pair returned to the car and back to the house. By that point, it was time for a late lunch, so Emily mustered something up while Nate continued reading the book he started earlier. There wasn't much in the house to cook with, but she made do, and Nate didn't seem to mind.

As they sat at the table, Emily told him, "We're going to leave tomorrow morning."

"Already?"

"Yeah. The next place will be fun. I used to live there."

"Really? Where?"

"We're going to France."

"I read about France. Daddy made me study it for class. They have a flag like ours. Red, white, and blue."

"They do," she happily responded. "And now you'll get to see the real France that you read about."

"I guess that's cool. Can't we stay here a little longer? We didn't do anything."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but it's important that we go."

"Is something wrong?" He was inquisitive. "We've moved a lot, and now daddies are making you come, but they didn't. Why?"

Emily sighed, not really wanting to get into this. "It's a complicated situation, Nate, but I'm hoping we'll figure it out soon."

Not completely satisfied, pouting a little, he said, "And then you'll explain?"

"I will do my best," she promised.

"I guess that's ok. I'll wait." He huffed. "I can be patient… sometimes."

"That's a good quality to have, Nate," she teased, playfully smacking his arm.

"Can I look around the house?"

"Absolutely. Wander. Have fun," Emily told him.

So, that was how the rest of the day was spent. Nate found a kid's room and played with the toys while Emily got everything set for the next day. They needed to be out of there early the next afternoon, so she didn't want to wait to do everything in the morning. It didn't take her long, though, so she ended up spending most of the time playing with him and keeping him busy.

By the time they got to bed, both were exhausted. It was a long day and the emotions were starting to hit Emily at full force. This time, she didn't sleep in the same bed as Nate, afraid she'd cry in front of him and wake him. She didn't want to make things worse. It wasn't that she wanted to keep things from him, though, really, she didn't want to have to tell him that someone was dead, but she didn't have the facts necessary to tell him what he needed to know or answer any of the questions she knew that he would have.

Thinking about it made for another restless night for Emily. Unable to stay in bed much longer, she woke up early the next morning and cleaned up the remnants of their stay. She appreciated her contact letting her use the house, so she owed it to her to leave it cleaner than she found it. They didn't leave too much of a mess.

When Nate woke up, Emily was quick to get him fed and ready. Emily did her best to get Nate excited for the trip. It wasn't like he hadn't been on a plane before, so he wasn't nervous, but he wasn't excited either. Emily could tell that he already missed his dads. Her heart ached for him.

"The plane will be quick. Just about two hours and then we'll be in Paris."

"Cool," he said, and flipped through his book.

That was pretty much how the plane ride went. Both of them read and talked a little. Just like she said, it was a short plane trip, and Emily was just happy they got through security at both places fairly easily. There was a car waiting for her in the airport parking area. All she and Nate had to do was find it. It took some doing, but it was there, so they hopped in and Emily started for the safe house which was, ironically, very close to where she stayed during her time in hiding from Doyle.

When they arrived in Paris, though, Emily felt like someone was watching them. She was always looking over her shoulder, but didn't see anyone consistently there. Still, she felt like there was. Trying to ignore it, she pointed Nate in the direction of the car and got him in. They were about five minutes from the airport, driving about as if nothing was wrong, Emily constantly checking the mirrors for a tail, and that was when it happened.

"Hang on, Nate," she told the boy when she spotted a car speeding up, cutting off traffic and recklessly driving. Weary, not sure if it was just an idiot or one of the goons, Emily sped up and tried to outmaneuver the other driver.

For a while, it seemed like she lost them, and she decelerated, trying not to draw any attention to them. But just as she was about to take a turn, the same car came barreling toward them. Swiftly trying to get out of the way, she made a sharp turn. It wasn't enough though, and they were hit.

The other driver was going too fast and plowed right into the driver's side of the car. Emily felt the impact, her whole body shaken in the hit, rebounding and slamming her head on the glass.

_Fuck_, she said. Everything felt like it hurt. She moved her head to the side, looking back to Nate.

"Nate? Nate, are you ok?"

"It hurts," he said. "It hurts."

"It's ok, Nate. I'm coming. Just sit still."

Slowly, Emily looked out the window through the shattered glass. The black sedan was flipped, and it looked like the driver was hurting. They made off easy, it appeared. She hoped. Sorely, blood dripping down her face, she moved to open her door, pushing one leg out at a time, taking stock of her injuries. She was ok, she thought. But the moment she stepped on the ground, her leg gave out and she let out a pained cry.

"Emily?!" Nate called for her.

"I'm ok. I'm coming," she promised, but it was a lie.

By this point, there was a crowd of people around them, the last thing they needed. She was dizzy, so dizzy, and every attempt to stand just met with another fall to the ground. All she wanted was to get to Nate. She could vaguely hear someone around her say that an ambulance was called as well as the police. None of that mattered to her. She just needed to get to Nate and keep him safe. Fighting her body, she tried to pull on the damaged back door to get to Nate, but it wouldn't open and there was no way she would make it to the other side.

"What hurts Nate?" she weakly asked.

"My arm. It hurts really bad."

"It's ok. I'm going to get you help. Stay where you are. Don't move. Can you do that?" Her words were slow and hard to get out.

"Ok… Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm alright," she lied.

A couple of friendly locals tried to help, but she told them she was ok until the ambulance came, though, she was combative when they tried to help her first. She insisted they tended to Nate. The other driver was unconscious, so at least, if he was after them, they had some time to get away. Or so she thought.

When the emergency crew checked on Nate and Emily tried to force herself up once more. Someone told her not to, to sit still, but she wouldn't. She wanted to see Nate and to tell the crew that they needed to get to a different hospital, one further away… She wouldn't get the chance.

The adrenaline was wearing off, her head was hurting, her whole body felt stiff… It was too much. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and sleep it off. Still, she was determined to try to see what was happening with Nate.

Then the commotion hit. She wasn't sure what she was hearing, a bunch of yelling maybe, and she swore she heard the word gun, but she needed to get up, and she did, using the door to prop herself up. She paused as she stood, the dizziness washing over her again. And then out of nowhere, she felt a force come at her, knocking her head first into the metal frame.

"Mademoiselle? Mademoiselle?"

"Emily?!"

Gunshot.

That was the last thing she heard as her eyes closed and her body slid down the car, collapsing on the pavement.


	10. Paris

_Thanks everyone for the comments. To those of you I can't reply to through PM, I really appreciate your feedback and thank you for reading. Now, onto the chapter. No cliffhangers this time… probably._

**Chapter 10: Paris**

"Oh! Oh! Oh. My. God," Garcia yelled. "I think I found Emily. I think I found her. She was in an accident!"

The team surrounded her, spitting out questions about Emily, her location, everything, all at once and Garcia couldn't understand any of it.

"One at a time," she demanded, clicking away. "Emily's in trouble. Before I could say she was just being a spy, you know? Finding trouble and trouble trying to find her, but that's not all that happened. She was in an accident."

"Where Garcia?" Clyde tried to calm her, his blue eyes kind and comforting as he looked into hers.

"She's in France like we thought. Paris."

Hotch asked, "Is that where the accident was?"

"Yes. Three days ago."

"What happened?"

She clicked on the keyboard and then turned her laptop for the rest to see, hitting play. They watched the screen as CCTV footage showed a normal street and traffic.

"This is Emily's car," she said, pointing to center of the screen. "Watch."

They all saw an uneventful scene until a black sedan started creeping into the picture. Garcia paused it and explained, "I pieced together the footage to make it one cohesive thing, so it might jump, but you'll get the gist."

Turning it back on, they watched as Emily sped up, trying to outwit the other car. Watching the accident play out. Garcia closed her eyes as it played, the others were either too shocked to speak or let out a gasp. But their reactions only got worse.

Cringing already, Garcia said, "Keep watching."

And so they did. They watched as Emily got out of the car, stumbling. They watched her fight to get up and, presumably, check on Nate. They saw as the paramedics and police came to help, Emily valiantly pushing them away and toward Nate.

But then they were all shocked when they saw a man, seemingly come out of nowhere and attack Emily. He had a gun in his hand, ready to use it if necessary, but when it looked like the crowd was tipping off the police, he just body checked Emily. As she went down, it looked like he planned to use her as a hostage, but, instead, ended up being shot himself.

"Is Emily ok?"

"What about Nathaniel?"

"As far as I can tell, yes. There were no death certificates issued for the aliases that I believe are connected to them. They were relatively ok and taken to the hospital. Medical records are sealed, and I don't know the French system enough to hack in that quickly. All I could get was a woman matching Emily's description and a young boy, both under fake names, though they didn't come up as fake. They were both injured. That's all I got."

They sighed. They wished there was more. They needed to know more, but now they just had to focus on finding them. They were alive, that much they knew, so they just had to search. At least this time they had a fake name to go with Emily and the kid.

JJ, still stunned, questioned, "Who was that?"

"Where did he come from?" Reid asked.

"That was Christiano Perini, a known associate of the Italian mafia family, the Scarlattis. Here's the kicker. I found connections between the Scarlattis to the Bardolino family."

Hotch rubbed his temples. _What the fuck was this? How did Emily always find herself in crazy situations? _"Can you track his movements?"

"To a point." Garcia messed around with the computer a little.

Garcia explained that the man was in a separate car following the other goon and Emily, but not as ambitious as the other driver, not at first anyway. After the crash, he can be seen making a call before checking on the other driver.

"He seemed composed until he got off the phone," Rossi concluded.

"Then he snapped," Derek added.

Clyde interrupted, trying to get everyone to refocus on Emily. "I will try to make a call to a contact in France to check on their conditions. Can you find out what happened after that?"

"Look up Elizabeth's movement first," Rossi said. "Emily was in an accident, her face is out there, and now she's vulnerable. Assuming that they were both ok, Emily would have tried to get out of there as quickly as possible, especially knowing that there were people after them."

"She'd want to get as far away as she could," Reid added.

Derek nodded. "To lay low."

"But if she was hurt, which it looked like she was, then her travel would be limited," JJ said.

"Right. And, for whatever reason, she didn't turn to us, Clyde, or anyone at Interpol, so who else could she turn to?"

"Her mother…" Clyde finished. "We knew she was hiding something, but we weren't sure what."

"Actually," Garcia interrupted, "I did find something that could tie Elizabeth to Emily."

"What's that?"

"She did receive a call from a burner in France. Well, her office did. It went to a switchboard."

"A switchboard? And you can track that to Elizabeth?"

"Well, no…" she sighed. "But right now, Elizabeth is between postings. She's in the US and the projects she's been helping on are mostly from the Middle East, so the call stood out to me. Is that wrong?"

"No," Hotch said. "A bit of a leap, but it's a start. Any other oddities?"

"Shortly after that, her personal phone records showed a call to a private pilot in the DC area."

"A pilot?" JJ asked. "You think she's going to Emily?"

"Only one way to find out. Is there a flight plan on record?" Rossi asked Garcia.

"That would be a negative, but I can tell you the name of the pilot and where he is."

"That's a lead. Send that information to Morgan and JJ. The two of you follow that up. See if he talked with Elizabeth and what they discussed," Hotch directed.

"I should say that I also found a recent escrow for a house in Virginia in James Hadley's name," Garcia added.

Hotch nodded. "Reid, why don't you and I take that. Rossi, you think you can handle Elizabeth alone?"

"No problem."

"Clyde you want to come?" Rossi asked.

He shook his head. "No. I think I'm best suited here. I have something that Miss Penelope can help me with."

"Something you're not telling us?" Derek asked.

"Just a thought brewing. If it pans out, I'll share."

They would have to accept that for the time being. So, leaving that, they all went about their assignments. Unfortunately, they wouldn't find the pilot and Hotch and Rossi wouldn't find Elizabeth at her place either. No, they would be at a loss there because, seemingly, it was like she vanished. She didn't, though. And finding her would be easier than finding Emily, and, hopefully, lead them right to their friend.

In France, however, Emily was working on getting anywhere but there. Paris had not been kind to her. Seemed to be a pattern as of late.

After the car wrecked and Emily was attacked, the next thing she knew, her eyes were opening to a blinding florescent light, her head was pounding, and she felt like she had been run over. That wasn't too far off from the truth. It took her a minute to realize where she was and remember what happened. Once she did, the panic set in. Her body jumped up, sitting in the bed, head searching wildly, pain shooting through her body. Nate. She needed to find Nate. He wasn't in her room, so she had to find him. Right now.

Ignoring what every part of her body was telling her, Emily moved and tried to get up.

"Shit," she screamed when she tried to take a first step, pain radiating through her leg.

"I wouldn't do that," a nurse said, her accent heavy. "You are American, yes?"

Emily stilled and responded, "Oui."

The woman smiled and told Emily that she needed to lie back. They were waiting for tests to come back, but Emily had a concussion and her leg was hurt in the accident.

"It wasn't an accident," Emily murmured, too quietly for the nurse to hear.

Communicating in French, Emily stopped the nurse before she could tell her any more. Emily didn't care how she was doing. She only cared about Nate, so she asked about him. "Where is Nate? Is he ok? The boy that was with me," she explained, in case the nurse wasn't aware of who she was talking about.

"Your son?" the nurse asked. Emily couldn't say no. He _was_ her son, even if he didn't know that and to the rest of the world he wasn't. Point was, if she wanted information, she had to say yes, and she did.

Nodding, the woman explained that Nate was ok. He got away with a broken arm and some bumps and bruises. He had some pretty serious looking black and blues on his stomach from the seatbelt, but he was fine. He would heal. And Emily would too, but her injuries were a bit more extensive.

When the car hit them, the metal in her door crushed and slammed into her leg. They were waiting for test results before diagnosing the problem, but nothing was broken. _At least there's that,_ she thought to herself. But, really, she didn't care. She could take care of it, but they needed out. And, before that, she just needed to see Nate.

"Can you take me to Nate?"

"I will bring your son to you. He has been asking about you."

That still brought a smile to Emily's face. Not just the "son" part, but that he liked her and wanted her… Or he just wanted someone familiar who spoke the same language as him… She was going to stick with the former. She wanted Nate to want her. That was what she always wanted. Not the point at the moment though.

Once she saw that he was ok, she knew they needed to get out of there. Whatever was wrong with her didn't matter if the goons showed up and took Nate. However, since it didn't seem like she could just walk out of there, mostly because she literally couldn't walk, then she'd have to think of something.

While she thought of that, she simply thanked the nurse and impatiently waited for Nate to come.

"Emily," he yelled out and ran to her as soon as he saw her, his stuffed dog beaten and cut from the accident, still tight in his arms.

She didn't even care that it hurt when he pounced. All that mattered was that he was there, in her arms. "Oh Nate. I'm so happy to see you."

"Are you ok?" His big eyes were watery and worried. "I was scared."

"I'm ok. What about you? How are you feeling?"

"Look." He held out his left arm. "I got a cool cast. And it's green."

"I see that. A broken arm, huh? Does it hurt?"

"Nope. But I think Patch needs a cast, too."

"We'll work on that. I'm glad you're feeling ok," Emily said to him, hugging him and ignoring the nurse who was telling her she needed to relax. She would, but she needed more about Nate first. She could see he was a little on edge, but he was ok.

Letting Nate go, she asked the nurse more about Nate's injuries. Was he on any medication? Yes, a slight pain reliever to take the edge off. He might be sore for a few days, but, otherwise, would be fine. That made her happy, but her next question wouldn't yield an answer quite as satisfying.

"When can we get out of here?"

The nurse informed her that, not only did she need to be monitored and the scan results need to come back, but police wanted to talk with her. That was a big no-no. At that point, she was weary of everyone, including the police. She couldn't even begin to guess how many crooked cops there were out there and involved in the whole Bardolino mess.

She told Ariane, as the nurse told Emily to call her, that she didn't wish to speak with the police yet, and Ariane didn't fight her on it. The police could wait, she said, until Emily had seen the doctor and was feeling a little better, or, in Emily's own opinion, never. She didn't plan to stick around long enough to talk with them. What happened was bad enough, now she needed to get them out and… somewhere; location to be determined. Unfortunately, she couldn't walk, so the escape plan had to at least wait until she knew what was wrong with her leg or she found some crutches. As soon as that happened, she and Nate were out of there.

"Ariane. Will the doctor be in soon?"

"Yes," she promised. "On his way with results."

Emily nodded and the nurse left. Immediately, Emily asked Nate if he was really ok. Even though he said yes, he seemed pensive. He was just in a scary accident and witnessed her get… attacked? That's what happened, right? She was trying not to think about it. What happened then didn't matter as much as what happened next, and the first step of that was making sure Nate was doing alright emotionally, not just physically, and ok to keep going.

"That was scary," he told her. "The car was following us, wasn't it?"

She bit her lip before answering, "Yes." And he did a piss poor job if a child caught on to that. "But I don't want you to worry about it. It's over."

"I don't like hospitals," Nate told her.

"Me neither. Don't worry. We'll get out of here as soon as we can."

Though, the logistics of that were still swirling in her mind. Their car was trash, all their stuff was in there, and the original safe house was likely compromised. Time to make plan b… or, more accurately, probably plan d.

"Emily?" Nate tried to get her attention as her thoughts formulated a plan. "It wasn't an accident, was it?"

"No Nate. No, it wasn't. But like I said, you don't need to worry about that. We can talk about it more later if you wish, but we're both ok and I'm going to get us somewhere safe."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Everything will be fine."

"Even you?"

"Yes. My head got a little bump and my leg is a little hurt, but I'll be just fine too."

"Ok," Nate said, choosing to believe her, though he could feel a touch of tension as well. "So we can go?"

"Very soon. The doctor is coming to talk with me and then we'll go."

"Good because nobody talks the way I do, so I can't understand anything."

Emily laughed and patted his shoulder. He always managed to make her smile. Emily talked with him about nothing in particular, just little things to distract him and herself. Her body was hurting, and, because of the concussion, they couldn't give her any pain relief, so she was using the talk to help herself as much as him.

Their chatting was disrupted when the doctor came in. She specifically made sure they spoke in French so that Nate couldn't hear if there was any bad news. Though, the only person it was truly bad news for was her. Her ACL was torn. Her whole leg would remain in a brace and she would need corrective surgery. She'd be on crutches for a while and the recovery time was not short in the least, a six-month minimum usually. When he started getting into a surgery plan and telling her that the accident caused bruising and swelling that would mean they had to wait, she put a rapid end to the conversation.

"No. No surgery," she told him. "We just want to get out of here. I'll speak with my primary physician when I return home."

The doctor tried to argue, but he had no chance of winning. He explained to her the basics, telling her what to expect and fastening the brace securely around her left leg. As soon as he left, Emily turned to Nate. "Do you have everything you came here with?"

He nodded. "You and Patch."

"And you're sure you're feeling alright? No pain?"

"My arm hurts a little, but not too much. And if I push it, my tummy aches."

"And if I said you needed to run, do you think you could or would it hurt too much?"

"I can run. I'm a good runner."

"I bet you are. Alright. Why don't you try to use the bathroom? We're going to be leaving soon."

He looked at her curiously. "Is that what the doctor said? That we can leave?"

"Yes. They're going to get me some crutches so that I can walk better."

"Is it broken?" he asked, pointing to the leg.

"No. Just hurt. I'm fine, I told you. Now go on. Try to use the bathroom while I get dressed."

She was, unfortunately, changed into a hospital gown before the scans and now had to struggle to even dress herself. Worse, the clothes she had were ripped and covered in blood from the accident. "Damn it," she hissed when she pulled the clothes out of the bag. No way could she wear that and it wasn't like she could walk out of there in nothing but a thin cloth sheet that didn't cover her ass. She didn't even want to stand up with Nate in the room, never mind walk around in public like some escaped mental patient. There was underwear, at least, but that didn't help much.

She'd have to figure something out and quickly. They needed to get out of there. The brace on, she thought she should try walking. The doctor mentioned that walking on it could cause more damage, but if it was that or death, she'd have to deal with worsening the issue. It was a risk she'd have to take.

"Think," she commanded herself. She needed to think logically. They needed out of there and they needed to look normal as they left. Nate's clothes were undamaged. So at least there was that. But for her… There was no saving the clothes, so she'd just have to get new ones. They were in a hospital… Hospitals kept things like sweatpants and shirts around for victims. She'd just have to find that. First, however, she needed to get off the bed and walk.

The first few steps required a lot of deep breathing and lip biting to get through the pain, but she was doing it. She was walking. That was what mattered. _Mind over matter._ Telling herself that over and over had to do the trick. She adjusted and ignored the pain, knowing that was the only option. She wasn't about to stick around long enough for the doctor to find it safe to give her medicine nor was she about to rob the pharmacy, so she had to accept it and move on.

Emily managed, with the aid of every object in the room to help bare some of her weight as she moved, to make it to the door and peek around. The hall wasn't empty, but it wasn't crazy busy, and that would work in their favor. It would offer them an escape window; enough action around to provide distraction, but not so crowded that they'd be easily spotted. That was their way out. The exit would be right around that area.

When Nate came back, Emily was still at the door, her hand behind her back making sure she didn't give him a biology lesson on the female form. That was the last thing they needed to delay their getaway and the last thing Emily wanted to deal with in that moment.

"Emily. You're walking."

"I am. We're almost ready to go. I just have to… Go see the nurse to get some clothes. Stay right here, alright?"

"Ok," he agreed, not really knowing what was going on.

Hesitant to leave him there alone, Emily hung at the door a moment too long and promised him that she'd be right back. She had to rush, but it was a little hard to maneuver herself around. Who knew knee bending was so imperative to walking fast? Stumbling, sore, and still a bit disoriented, Emily wandered the halls in search of a supply or linen closet of some kind and trying to remember the path she took to get there. One was going better than the other.

Finally, three corridors, a lot of against the wall walking, and a whole slew of expletives in a string of different languages later, she found something that might be of use. A lounge area and locker room. Surely someone on staff had to carry around a set of clothes around her size. She peeked into the room to see if anyone was there, and, when she saw no one, made her way in. She had to be quick. Looking around, she saw there were a couple lockers opened. That would be easier than picking locks, so she went there first.

The first locker was a no go. The clothes in there would probably fit to some degree. The jeans were just a size smaller than she wore and she probably would have been able to squeeze into them… had it not been for the very constricting and somewhat bulky brace on her leg. The shirt was a possibility but looked a little short. She didn't have the time or capacity to deal with this locker. Those clothes seemed like too much effort to escape in and not very practical.

But neither was the next locker… Gym clothes for a man. She sighed. Why was this so hard? Of course, those clothes would work. She'd be able to slip the sweatpants over the brace and the shirt was long enough to cover all of her, but how conspicuous would that look? No, that one probably wouldn't do either.

Finally, a few more lockers in, she found an outfit that, while not completely practical, provided her best option. A dress. It was too fancy for a hospital, but at least not floor length. "And my size," she said, hiding as she heard a couple voices in the hall. She stayed stock still, leaning against the other lockers, holding her breath as they walked in. Getting caught wouldn't get her arrested, but it sure would put a damper on things and waste precious time.

She waited, eyes tightly shut as if believing that if she couldn't see them, they couldn't see her. Emily listened to their idle talk. They were talking dinner plans and dates. She didn't have time to listen. "Hurry up," she silently willed them. And, as if they were listening, they quickly locked up their lockers and left.

Letting out the breath she was holding, she snatched the dress back out of the locker and began to dress. Slipping that on was much more convenient than pants, she thought. "And at least it would take some effort for someone to see my butt."

Whatever. Emily was just relieved to be back in real clothes. Crutches or no crutches, it was time for her to get back to Nate and get the hell out of dodge. Finding her way back to the room wasn't so hard. Her leg was aching, and her head wasn't clear, but she remembered most of the way.

Reaching the room, Emily went right to the bed to sit for a second. She was pushing herself and she knew it was only going to get worse. Nate was sitting in the chair with Patch. One deep breath, she asked Nate, "Ready to go?"

He nodded.

"Nothing is in your room?"

"Nope."

"Alright."

She looked out the door to see who was around and noticed a few suspicious characters. Not wanting to take any chances, she quickly pulled her head back behind the door so she couldn't be seen, grabbing Nate back with her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she lied. "Forgot my purse." That wasn't a lie. The emergency crew must've grabbed it out of the car when they took them to the hospital. She was thankful to at least have that. There was some money, a burner, and one of the fake IDs and passports for both of them. That would come in handy.

She put the purse up on her shoulder and walked back to the door with Nate. If the guys were still there, she didn't see them, so it was time to move.

"Hold my hand and don't let go," she made him promise.

Nate gripped her hand and squeezed, nodding and following as she led the way. Emily kept him close to her. They moved slowly, but efficiently. She tried to go faster, but it just wouldn't work. Her body wouldn't allow it. It appeared that her earlier trek took its toll. Now it was just getting worse.

"Where are we going?" Nate asked.

Her response was a whisper that they were going someplace safe. She neglected to add that she wasn't sure where that was. The immediate goal was just to get out of the hospital. What happened after that was on the fly. Emily pulled him closer and held on tight, trying to get through the halls without being acknowledged. The more they blended in, the better.

Just as she let out some of the tension in her shoulders, inches from the automatic doors, she spotted one of the men from earlier, their eyes meeting. She reacted instantly. He did too, turning to his partner and pointing. Emily, however, was far enough away from them to push Nate out the door and rush toward a waiting taxi telling the driver, "I'll pay double if you go and go fast."

The man behind the wheel nodded and sped off. She struggled to get in and was uncomfortable once she was, but she was able to breathe again once they drove off, the men and the hospital fading in the distance. Still, it was disconcerting to know that they were being closed in on. Each step, someone was right behind them. She had to question how. Someone had to know her playbook and the Bardolino family didn't know her. Someone was helping them.

Her thoughts were disturbed by the driver asking her where to take her. The only place that came to mind was this old, abandoned church that she remembered from her last trip. She wandered upon it during a late night stroll the last year. It was worth a shot. Emily gave him a street name near that area and then returned her attention to Nate.

She didn't want him to be scared, but she could tell that he was. He may not have known what happened to his fathers back in England, but there was no hiding what was happening there in France. The only thing she could offer was comfort, support, and a few lies that would keep them going. That had to be enough.

"Everything's ok, Nate," Emily assured him.

He looked at her, smiled, and responded, "I know."

"Good. We're going somewhere safe and then we'll relax for a while."

"Will I be able to talk to my dads?"

She didn't want to tell him no, but it wasn't like she could say yes. "I'm afraid not. I'll explain more later."

Nate sighed and slumped into the cab's seat. He missed his dads. He missed the last few weeks with all four of them in the tiny apartment spending a lot of time together. He liked getting to know Emily, but he wanted his dads around too. Why couldn't he have both?

He kept thinking about that until Emily told him they were there. She passed the driver money and asked Nate to help her out. Nate, being the kind kid he was, didn't think twice about it. He got out his side and ran over to hers, opening the door and offering her a hand.

"Thank you," she said.

They were only a few streets over from the church and she hoped that it was still there. Emily didn't know how much more her leg could take and she swore that she'd pass out if she didn't get to sit down for a while. She rushed them, guiding Nate to their destination. She was happy to see the church still there. It was damaged by a fire, one side charred and hurting, but it was a safe place and, having been inside before, she knew there were several rooms that would provide them necessary shelter where no one would think to look.

"This is where we're staying?" Nate dubiously asked.

"Just for tonight," she promised. The sky was already darkening. They just needed a night hidden there to recoup and plan the next move.

Once she got them in and settled, Emily tried to talk with Nate like nothing was going on, trying to keep him from thinking about things. It quickly became apparent that boredom couldn't be avoided. Still before she went to get food and basic supplies, Emily needed to have a chat with Nate.

"Nate, I know this isn't quite the adventure you had in mind, but I promise you that this is only temporary."

"What's wrong, Emily? Why do we have to be here?"

"The accident…"

"They were following us, right? It wasn't an accident. And then the guy hurt you."

"You're too smart, Nate. Yes. That's true. There are very bad men trying to find you," she told him honestly.

"Why? Why would someone want me?"

She questioned how to phrase things delicately and without saying anything negative about Vince. "Your father, Vince, is related to these people. He decided a long time ago that, family or not, he didn't want to be involved with all the bad things that they were doing, and so he left. Vince met your father and they had you. You became a family, but Vince's family didn't like that he left. They've been looking for him because they need someone to take over the business."

"But Dad has a job."

"He does. Turned out that they wanted you and not your father."

"Why? I'm not old enough to have a business."

"Not yet. But they wanted to take you so that you can go live with them and they could teach you everything so that, one day, you can be the big shot."

Sadly, he said, "I don't want that."

"And no one wants that for you. I don't want to lie to you Nate. We're in a lot of trouble. These men are very dangerous, and now they're here, but I'm going to do everything to protect you. You believe that."

"I believe you, Emily."

"Good," she said and took a piece of paper out of her purse, writing something on it and handing it to him. "Memorize this telephone number, ok?"

"Whose is it?"

"It's a friend's. Nate, I need you to promise me something."

Innocently, he asked, "What?"

"If I tell you to run, ever, I need you to run as fast and as far as you can, go somewhere, anywhere you can hide, find a phone, and call that number."

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me, ok? Whatever happens, if I say go, you go whether I go with you or not. Promise me."

Even just a child, he could see that she was worried and doing what she could for him. "I promise."

"Good. Memorize the number. Don't forget it."

He nodded and looked to the number in his hands. "Emily," he began. "If the bad men are after me and you, what about my dads? Are they ok?"

"I don't know, Nate… I wish I had an answer for you. I want to tell you that they're just fine, but I don't know."

"They're not safe?"

"I'm not sure what happened," she answered, "But I made a promise to take you and keep you safe, and I'm going to do everything to keep that promise."

"Something happened?"

"A lot of things happened," she said.

"Are they dead?" His worried eyes begged her to tell him no, and, more than anything, she wanted to give him that, but she knew she couldn't.

All she could offer was, "I don't know, Nate… I just don't know…"


	11. Contact

**Chapter 11: Contact**

After their little talk, Nate became a more sullen and quiet. He wasn't interested in food or anything, so Emily, despite her wanting to go out and get supplies and force feed him if necessary, opted to just stay put. There were old cots and blankets in the church's basement as well as some essentials left behind if they needed anything. They were set for the night and would make do.

Emily stayed close to him, never venturing far, but it became apparent to her that, even though he was ok and the idea was to get out of there the next day anyway, they were limited. Where they went next was limited to what she had in her pocket to get them there. Not only was she physically impaired, but her cashflow and their paperwork were scarce. They needed the fastest, safest route out of Paris. Preferably out of the country.

Unfortunately, they had to bunker down until that could happen, and, with all the adrenaline gone, Emily was really feeling the car wreck. All she wanted to do was sleep and she knew she couldn't take the chance. She had a concussion, and, though not super severe, she couldn't sleep for long periods of time. With no one, because she wasn't going to put the responsibility on Nate, around to make sure she woke up, she was going to have to stay awake.

It was a long night for her and restless for Nate as well. Emily was constantly on guard. The place was safe, no different than any other safe house, just a little more unequipped. Doable, though by the time morning rolled around, Emily felt half past dead and wanted nothing more than to have this whole thing be over already. Nothing was ever that easy.

All she knew was that she couldn't stay there with Nate for long. She couldn't risk him getting hurt and she was in no position to defend him in a fight if it came to that. So, what was she to do? Desperate, she stared at the phone in her hand for over an hour debating whether to use it or not.

There were pros and cons, but the benefits far outweighed the consequence. She could play it safely and still make the call, so that was what she had to do. Standing on wobbly legs, Emily gripped the phone and walked just out of the room, but still close enough to watch over sleeping Nate.

Sighing, she typed in a number she made sure to memorize long ago and waited. Part of her hoped that there'd be no answer, that she'd just went through the whole process of trying to reach her mother for no reason. Alas, Elizabeth did answer.

"Are you alone?" Emily asked after her mother's greeting.

"Excuse me? Who is this?"

"Are you alone?"

"Who is this?" Elizabeth repeated. "Emily? Is this you? What are you doing? I'm not in the mood for your games. I thought we agreed that we needed a little time. Last time we spoke wasn't exactly pleasant."

"Are you alone?" Emily asked more eagerly, a sense of panic and frustration in her voice. "Please answer me."

"Yes. Yes, I am," she said, realizing it was, indeed, her daughter and not just a game. Something was wrong. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry… about what I said last time we spoke, but I need you to do something for me. Can you do that?"

"I will do whatever I can. Just tell me what you need," Elizabeth promised. Worried by how the call began and the tone of her daughter's voice, Elizabeth would do anything Emily asked of her or try as hard as she could to do it.

"I'm…" She didn't want to say that she was in trouble, but she did want to convey that the help was incredibly needed. "I'm… in a bind."

"Ok…" Elizabeth encouraged her to continue.

"I can't get into the details right now, but I'm stuck here, and I need a plane out. Do you still have that pilot on call?"

"Eduardo? Yes."

"I need to borrow him."

"Emily, dear, please tell me what's happening. Where are you? Why can't you take commercial air or the company jet if it's for work."

"It's not for work," Emily said a little too forcefully. "I just… I need your help. I don't ask for it often."

_Or ever,_ Elizabeth thought.

"But I need it now. I… I just… Please. I can't answer questions. I know you have questions, but I can't give details. I just need your help."

"Tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"Do you remember that private landing strip just outside of Paris that we used when I was a kid?"

"Yes."

"Can you have Eduardo fly there without anyone knowing? There can't be a flight plan or anything. No record at all."

"That's illegal…"

Emily pleaded with her mother, telling her exactly how it could be done without anyone getting in trouble. The fact that her daughter knew that and that Emily was willing to do it made Elizabeth feel even more uneasy. Her daughter was not ok and that only made her agree to everything that was asked of her. She promised to get Eduardo in on it as soon as possible.

"Why are you in Paris? You're supposed to be in London."

"I can't explain right now."

Worriedly, Elizabeth asked, "Are you in trouble?"

Exasperatedly, Emily responded, "No questions."

"Please, just tell me… Are you hurt?"

"I'm… I'm ok. I just need to get out of here and quickly. I know I'm asking for a lot, but this needs to happen now." She paused. "I need you to do one more thing for me."

"Anything."

"My friends might come asking questions. I don't know that they will, but if anyone comes by asking about me, don't tell them about this. Don't tell them anything."

"Emily, you're worrying me."

"I'm sorry."

"Promise me that you're ok," Elizabeth begged. There was something that wasn't sitting right with her beyond the topic of conversation. She knew, though, that Emily wouldn't make that promise. "At least tell me you'll stay safe."

"I need to go. I won't call again, not until I'm out of Paris, not until I'm safe. Have Eduardo fly to the strip as soon as possible. If you need money, use this account," Emily said, sharing one of the shadow accounts she set up for James and Vince. The money would be all she had right now, and it had to last them until she was clear to touch her own accounts. "I love you Mom," Emily told her hanging up before Elizabeth could answer.

"Emily? Emily wait!" Elizabeth sighed and hung up the phone. "I love you too," she whispered before taking a breath and making things happen. Whatever was going on with Emily, she was going to do whatever to help.

Of course, Elizabeth was visited by Hotch and Clyde and she played the part like Emily asked, but that only made her worry more for her daughter who had yet to reach her final destination. In fact, Emily struggled just to get to the private airstrip.

After the call to Elizabeth, Emily looked around the church for anything that might come in handy. There wasn't much, but she found a few things and stuffed them in her purse before she decided it was time to get Nate up and ready to go.

"Nate," Emily tried to rouse him. "Nate, time to wake up."

"Emily?" he asked, eyes not yet open.

"Yeah. It's me. Come on, bud. We need to go."

"I had a bad dream," he told her, finally looking at her. "That my dads were hurt, and I couldn't ever see them again."

Emily just stared at him. Her job, hell, even her life, prepared her for so much, but not this. It didn't prepare her to tell her biological son that this was reality and his fathers may both, very well, be dead.

"But it wasn't a dream. Was it?"

"No Nate. It wasn't a dream."

"Will I ever be able to see them again?"

"I really hope so," she said. "I wish I could tell you more, Nate, but I told you everything I know so far. As soon as I find out more, I promise to tell you."

"I know," he sadly responded.

"Ok. I'm going to take you somewhere safe, but we have to get to the plane first. Think you can get up, get your shoes on, and try to use the bathroom so that we can get going?"

"Yeah, I can."

Emily watched him swing his legs over the cot and toss the blanket aside. He walked away so sadly. All she wanted to do was sweep him into her arms and whisper words of comfort. "Later," she told herself. First, they needed to get out of the country and, preferably, out of Europe altogether.

Nate didn't take long to get ready. There wasn't much to do with no food, no change of clothes, or anything else they'd normally have in their morning routine, so they were out of there quickly. Emily slowed them down. Nate's arm wasn't bothering him much. He adjusted and carried on as if he had full use of the appendage, but Emily couldn't do the same. Her body was stiff and knotted, she felt worse than she did the day before, and found herself needing breaks.

Thankfully, she managed to get them to a little shop nearby and shuffle out some cash for a little food to eat and then take with them. The church's old communion wafers weren't something she wanted to subject Nate to unless she had to. Still, she didn't want to waste too much time when the travel itself was hard enough. Her body was revolting with each step and, though he didn't complain, she could tell that Nate was growing tired very easily. The wreck was getting to them both.

Paranoid and constantly looking over her shoulder, never letting go of Nate's hand, their trip, that would normally only take about an hour or two ended up taking four. The took multiple forms of transportation, but nothing they would stay in for more than twenty minutes in fear of leaving a trail. At one point, they passed a tow lot where Emily was sure her car must have been stowed, and she thought about breaking in and getting their things before realizing what a bad idea that was. She knew they would be looking for them. That was where their stuff was, so someone was bound to be watching.

"No use," she told herself.

It was better that way, and by the time they got to the air strip, hiding out in a secluded area, Emily knew they had at least another hour to spare. Emily gave strict instructions. Eduardo was supposed to land, step out, refuel, and while he was doing that, they would board. From then, they were to be taken from Paris to the US. Thankfully, that part of the excursion would be much more comfortable and less anxiety inducing.

However, the same could not be said for the agents working so hard to find out what was going on. While the pieces were starting to come together, the exact whereabouts of their friend, the child, and the true understanding about Emily's role in everything were still being explored.

Spencer and Hotch were just arriving at the Virginia house. There were no cars in the driveway, the door was locked, and, after picking it to get in since this technically was not a real case, they saw that the house looked unlived in. There were a few boxes scattered and pictures laid out, but nothing that really told much of a story.

"Come look at this," Hotch called out. He was in, what he presumed to be, Nathaniel's room. There was a box of toys on the ground and children's books. When he heard the younger man approach, Hotch showed Spencer a picture he found. "Here's a better picture of Nathaniel," he said. "We should take it back with us."

Spencer examined the photo carefully. There was something about him that Spencer couldn't put his finger on.

"And there's another over there with James, Dominic, and Nathaniel," Hotch said. "Did you go through the stuff on the table?"

"Yeah. Just more photos. There's not much here. We could go through boxes, but that could take days and I don't know that we'll find anything useful."

"You're right," Hotch agreed. "Let's just take another pass of the house. If we don't see anything, then we can go."

Spencer nodded and went back down to the first floor where he rummaged through a few boxes with labels that told him there might be something of interest inside. There wasn't, but he did stumble upon something. There was a pile of mail stacking up in the box just outside. On a whim, he decided to check it. Most of it was just junk, fliers and things that were addressed to current resident rather than personalized. None of that was interesting or helpful, but when he went back in and put the mail down, he saw a small lock box somewhat hidden under the couch.

He looked around and then examined it, seeing the key taped to the bottom of it. Deciding to just go for it, he used the key, popped open the top, and pulled out stacks of paper. At first, it looked like nothing more than a bunch of documents, mostly billing statements, but there was more to it than that. He quickly read through it all, committing everything to memory and then read it again to ensure his eyes weren't playing games with him. There were a couple things of interest in there.

They still had eggs frozen and stored at the facility. There was nothing wrong with that, but attached to all that was a copy of another document… A notarized agreement between them and the private egg donor, one signed by James Hadley, Vincent Hadley, and Emily Prentiss… _Emily Prentiss?! _His eyes bulged as he did a double take. Did that mean what he thought it meant? Was Emily… No. That couldn't be right.

"Find something?" Hotch asked, quietly entering the room.

"No," Reid squeaked and coyly slipped the one paper into his vest pocket. "Just some files. Nothing that helps us, but maybe there's a more secure file box somewhere that will have something on the Bardolino family that could help."

"I didn't see anything."

"No, me either, but that doesn't mean it's not there."

Hotch couldn't agree more and the two exhausted every effort to find such a thing if it existed. Two hours spent in that house and the search was fruitless… For Hotch anyway. Spencer left there with his mind in a jumble and thoughts racing trying to make sense of what he saw. Every day, it seemed, he learned something else about Emily. This was just as confusing a possibility as anything else.

After their search ended, they retreated to the offices, hoping someone else found something that either pointed to where Emily was going so they could go to her and bring her to safety, or gave them the ammunition they needed to prove both her innocence and Bardolino's guilt. They needed to accomplish that and soon because it looked like the goons were starting to catch up with her just like they did her friends. Though, there was something curious to them about how that was happening, and Clyde had the same questions.

Staying back at the BAU office, Clyde made a few important phone calls. First of which, was a call the hospital Emily and Nathaniel were brought to. He wanted any and all information he could get, though they didn't give him much at all. It was a start, so he'd take it, but there was so much more he needed to figure out. And so, he enlisted the help of the best technical analyst he knew.

"Penelope, darling, would you allow me to bend your ear?"

"Is that the only thing you'll be bending?" she flirtingly teased.

"I shall take that as a yes."

She nodded and told him, "Of course."

"It has come to my attention that I, alongside Emily, have been tied to this crime back in London."

"I know. We have an alert set up to let us know any new developments."

He should have known. "Good. Well, I didn't do it."

"We know that too. You're not stupid enough to come all the way here just to have us prove you were a part of it."

"Ok then. I'd like to clear both of our names before we become fugitives at large with a bigger bounty over our heads."

"Sounds good to me," Penelope agreed. "What can I do?"

"Emily's good at what she does," he began.

Penelope readily agreed.

"She has both the resources and natural ability to disappear if she wanted to disappear."

"Right," Penelope responded, trying to see where he was going with this.

"So how did they know where to look for her? She didn't leave a trace. If she did, you would have picked up on it."

"That's true, but we did pick up on it."

"No. That only happened because she became part of an international incident with Italian residents attacking two foreigners on French soil. That was an occurrence out of her control and just a coincidence that allowed us to find her. But we know her enough to also know France is a comfort zone because she knows it so well. But these criminals found her before us. How?"

"What are you trying to say?" she asked defensively. "That they're better than me?"

"No! I'm saying that there must have been something that they had that we don't have."

"And what's that?"

"An inside source."

"Like a mole?"

"Exactly like a mole. Emily picked up a few more skills at Interpol. She made friends with the tech guys and was friendly with the team. She was eager to learn from them and have them learn from her."

"But wouldn't that just make her better at her job and probably better at disappearing?"

"Unless one of them knew her tricks or knew where to find her all along."

"So, what you're saying is that we're looking for an actual mole, not just something like a mole."

"I'm saying it's a possibility. I'll give you a group of names and access to all databases Interpol has. See if you can find anything suspicious."

"I'm not going to get arrested for this, am I?"

"If I told you that I couldn't promise you won't, would you still do it?"

"For Emily and that little boy? Absolutely."

"In that case, I will take whatever punishment comes your way should there be any. Don't worry about anything, just search."

He made a list of names and told her how to access databases she didn't have the ability to before. Most of them had histories like Emily and, she imagined, most people in one agency or another. They were clean, records full of accommodations and accolades, but not all of them were squeaky clean.

"Hmm," she said.

"Find something?"

"Possibly. You know them well?" She pointed to two employee profiles.

"She's a great agent. Worked several cases with Emily. What did you find on them?"

"Just little things. Weird, random deposits of money. Things like that."

"Interesting. Can you look for any connections to them and Bardolino, especially Darryl Ingram. He's the male equivalent of you there, so keep an eye out for any cyber threats."

"Will do."

And she was thankful for that warning because, though it would take some time to find anything at all, it would come in handy once she did.

Leaving Penelope to begin a deeper search, Clyde excused himself to check in with Dave and Hotch. Dave told them Elizabeth wasn't at home. No one on staff knew where she was heading. She simply left on her own with instructions to hold all calls. JJ and Derek didn't have much luck with the pilot either. The small plane took off probably moments before they got there and, though there was a flight plan, they doubted it was accurate, mostly because it said he was flying to Italy, not France.

While it was possible he would fly to Italy, it wasn't likely that that was the final destination. Since that turned out to be a dead end, the two returned to the office as soon as they could, hoping to be of help elsewhere. Derek and JJ were roped into the mole hunt with Penelope and Clyde while Hotch and Spencer finished up at the house.

"Clyde," JJ called to him walking toward the breakroom where she spotted him making coffee. "Have you heard anything from your contacts?"

"Nothing of any help, I'm afraid. Emily's prints were all over the security cameras that were put up in the apartment, so they're thinking that she's definitely guilty. She was smart about coming and going and always hid her face from local CCTV cameras, but it was obvious she had been to the place multiple times. They found a phone call to Emily around the time she asked for holiday that came from a burner."

"They think it was James?"

"Yes. They believe that Emily initiated the attack and was already in the building before signaling for the two others to come in."

"We're going to get her out of this, right?"

He nodded and stirred his coffee. "We better, or she and I are going to have to spend a lot of time together in hiding."

JJ laughed. It was the first moment she let herself relax all day, and, she realized, it wasn't even day anymore. They had been searching through Emily's past month but everything there in the states had unfolded in twenty-four hours. They were all exhausted and, right now, all they were doing was mulling over the same information.

And that was why, in the wee hours of the next day, Hotch sent them home. "There's nothing we can do right now," he told them. "Garcia's running her searches, we're waiting for calls or something new to come about. Our minds and our bodies are tired. Let's head home, rest, and hopefully we'll come up with a break in this tomorrow."

No one could argue. They were all just wiped and home sounded good.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Dave asked Clyde as the others took off.

"I didn't think that far ahead when I left."

"Come with me. I've got plenty of room and we can discuss this theory of yours a little more."

The younger man nodded and thanked Dave.

"Come on. There's a bottle of scotch with our name on it."

"Brilliant," Clyde said.

He wasn't a man to refuse a good drink and decent company which was exactly what was being offered. The two traveled to Dave's where the older gentleman told Clyde to make himself comfortable as he broke out the bottle and two glasses.

"So," Dave broke the ice. "Are you really here just because Emily's in trouble?"

"Of course I am. I care for Emily, same as you. I didn't know I was implicated in this matter until I was already here."

Dave scrutinized his reaction. He seemed sincere. "Then what aren't you telling us?"

"I think Emily may be in far greater danger than we're aware of."

"What's worse than someone trying to kill her?"

"A whole crime syndicate searching for an FBI agent on loan to Interpol… That doesn't end well in any circumstance."

"No, I suppose it doesn't. And the possible mole… You think he or she is working for someone in the crime family?"

"I personally worked with many of the agents on Emily's team. I don't think that the mole started out as such, but odd things have been happening."

"How so?"

"Before Emily decided to take some time off, she called me. It was a social call, but she mentioned in passing that it felt like something was happening, like they were all in a chess game that they weren't aware they were playing."

Dave's brow furrowed. "Did she say why she felt that?"

"A few informants ended up dead, more cases than usual turned sour. An agent was recently killed in the field. Separately and spread out, no one would think anything of it, but it's all together and all at once."

"Did you come here thinking the mole set Emily up?"

"Absolutely."

"And you didn't say anything because?"

"Because I needed to know if you saw what I saw. The mole and Emily's fleeing didn't necessarily seem connected at first. But if it wasn't then, it does appear so now."

"We're going to have to tell the rest of them tomorrow."

"I was planning on it."

"Tonight, though, we better rest. I have a feeling we have a lot of work ahead of us."

Clyde nodded his head, refilled his glass, and held it out as if giving a toast. "Nothing is ever simple with Emily."

Dave mimicked the actions and responded, "No it's not. She likes to keep us on our toes. We wouldn't have it any other way."

Everyone would get a little rest that night, even Emily and Nate would get some much-needed downtime as they flew for hours. They would all need it. But there was one person who, despite his eidetic memory, kept reading the papers he found over and over trying to make sense of it. Spencer did that until his eyes could remain open no longer and he too succumbed to sleep.


	12. Search

_Hope everyone is staying safe out there. May this chapter and whatever reading you might do provide some solace from the craziness. Enjoy. _

**Chapter 12: Search**

Spencer Reid was provably a smart man; a genius, but he didn't trust that he was understanding what he was reading. On the surface, it looked like Emily entered in a contract with James Hadley to undergo fertility treatment and allow them to use her eggs to have a baby. But that didn't sound like Emily. Did it? He would argue that maybe it did. Emily was generous to a fault, sometimes to her own detriment, and she was always more worried about others and their wellbeing than her own. So, would having a baby for someone else really be out of the realm of possibilities? He didn't know.

He took a moment to smile. He could see Emily as a mom. It was a nice picture. She was so nurturing with every member on the team and with Henry and Jack, that he knew she would be an excellent, loving mother. It was in her nature. It made him happy to think about how happy that would make her. He could really picture it all. Emily, he truly believed, would make a wonderful mother. But that's when the smile faded.

If she did, in fact, donate eggs and they were used, then she wasn't really a mother… was she? He didn't falter in his belief that Emily would put her own feelings aside and do that for someone she loved, but he couldn't help but wonder what that would have done to her. She would be hurting. He just had so many thoughts and just as many questions about the situation. But, honestly, he didn't think he'd believe any of it until he heard it from her, and there was no proof that Nathaniel was her son, biologically. Right? Just because she might have donated, that didn't mean that he was hers.

Spencer had to not think about it. It was time for work anyway. He hid the papers in a safe place and left to get to the subway. It was going to be a long day for all of them, Emily included.

As the team was gathering at the office, Emily was just arriving in the states. As restful as it was to be in the air and, presumably, away from danger, the lack of adrenaline from being on high alert allowed her body to finally relax in a way it hadn't in weeks. Good as that was for her mind to take a break, her body didn't like it as much as it should. Relaxing, in combination with the small cabin and lack of walking abilities only made her muscles tighten with tension and soreness. Damn leg was ruining everything.

"Nate, how are you doing?"

"I'm ok," he quietly answered.

"Yeah? What do you say we get off this plane and go somewhere cozy and safe where we can shower and eat a real meal?" Emily asked.

"Sounds good."

"Ok." Emily stood and grabbed her purse. Nate was at her side, holding on to her protectively as if to help her walk. She pulled him a little closer as they waited for the stairs to be lowered. Eduardo was waiting for them there and helped them down.

"There's a car waiting over there," he said, pointing to a lone town car.

"Thank you, Eduardo… For everything. We owe you one."

"No, no. It was my pleasure."

He escorted them to the car and Emily thanked him once more. Emily was reluctant to trust that the driver was on their side, but, at this point, she had no burner phone left or any transportation options. Plus, her mom set it up, so she had to trust it. That didn't mean she wouldn't be weary.

The man had specific instructions on where to take her. Under an assumed name and using the shadow account her daughter shared with her, Elizabeth rented a secluded cabin just outside of Alexandria. Emily wasn't used to letting other people handle her "arrangements," and last time she did, she ended up "dead," hiding in Paris, but what other choice did she have here?

They took a lot of back roads and out of the way streets to end up at the accurately described secluded cabin.

"This is where we're staying?"

"Yeah. Don't like it?"

"It looks cool. And there's a river. Can we go fishing? I've never been fishing," Nate excitedly asked.

"We'll have to see."

"Alright. Let's go."

Nate eagerly exited the car while Emily struggled. The driver was at her side, opening the door for her.

"A hand, ma'am?"

"Yes, thank you."

He offered to escort her to the door and, worrying about her ability to make it on her own, she was much obliged to accept. Nate was running around checking out the yard when Emily reached the door. She called for him to come on. It was time to head inside.

"I was told to give you this," he said, passing her a key.

Thanking the kind escort one more time, she gave him a generous tip with what she had left of American money and sent him on his way.

"Ready?" she asked Nate.

"Uh huh. This place looks cool."

Emily smiled and opened the door, pushing it so Nate could go first, and she could hobble in behind him. She had to hand it to her mother. She had good taste, expensive taste, but good.

"Why don't you look around, Nate?"

"Will I have my own room here?"

"Maybe. You'll have to check."

"Ok." Happily, he ran off searching the place from top to bottom.

As he wandered, Emily began to make her way over to the couch. Just standing as taking its toll. However, on her way, she noticed a box on the dining table and altered her course. There was a folded note laid on top of it that Emily grabbed first.

_Emily, _

_I didn't know what you'd have with you, if anything, so I took the liberty of picking up a few things you might need. If you make a list, I'll be sure to get whatever else you need. The kitchen is stocked and there are fresh linens. This place is completely private and has a closed security system, so it's safe here. Please get in contact once you are ready. _

_Mom_

Putting the note down and reaching for the box, she pulled the top apart. Inside were clothes, a burner phone and a few essentials.

_Thank you, Mom, _Emily thought. She was thankful for the change of clothes. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything specifically for Nate. She believed there was likely a washer and dryer in there somewhere, so at least she could wash his outfit and he could be in clean clothes. She rummaged through the box to see what there was for clothes in there. There was a night shirt in there that would probably work for Nate.

"I'll have to do laundry," she told herself.

She could hear Nate's feet as he ran around upstairs, no doubt exploring every little crevice he could. Deciding to give him time to keep having fun, Emily decided to go make them something to eat. Her stomach was rumbling. She and Nate snacked on the plane, but they needed real sustenance. A full pantry was like a dream.

As Nate had his fun, Emily prepared a simple meal for them. Pancakes. The mix was there, she could make extra to save for later, and they were good any time of day.

"Nate, come into the kitchen. I made food."

He came bounding in just as fast as he initially left. While he ate, Emily asked about the place.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah. I still want to fish."

"We can look for fishing poles later."

"Awesome!"

"Find a bedroom you liked?"

"Yeah. There was one with bunk beds and lots of toys. I like that one."

"Great, then it's all yours."

"There's a big bedroom right next to it. You can use that one. It's pretty."

"I'll check it out."

"Can you get upstairs? There's no rooms down here."

"I'll do my best. Let's not worry about that."

Honestly, she was just happy to see he cheered up a bit. She knew that she'd have to find out more about James and Vince soon and tell him about it, but she wanted to live in ignorant bliss a little longer.

"So, Nate, after we eat, I want you to hop in the shower or take a bath while I wash your clothes. There are a few shirts and a pair of shorts that we can try to work with for you to put on after, just until the clothes are done."

"Does that mean I can't play outside?"

"Not today. Maybe tomorrow, ok? I don't want you out there alone and I have a lot to do in here. Plus, I'm tired. There's plenty we can do in here. I'm sure of that. We'll keep busy and have fun."

"Alright," he sighed.

Emily asked him about the place in detail, trying to get a lay of the land without much leg work, and once they were done, she helped him bag up the cast to make it waterproof and sent him to get cleaned up. As he did that, Emily grabbed the box of clothes and headed for the stairs. She had finally met her match: a torn ACL, a box to carry, and a long staircase…

It was a struggle. Bending a leg was pretty key to easy stair walking and one of hers was locked in a brace for safe keeping. But hey, she did it without tumbling down, so it was a win for her. She looked around, searching for the room Nate claimed and the one she'd use. She found them both at the end of the hall. Emily left the clothes for Nate in the bathroom next to clean towels that were stored in the linen closet before retreating to the laundry room, which, thankfully, was right next to the linen closet upstairs. With his dirty clothes in hand, Emily loaded the washer, quickly changing out of the dress she was in and into the pajamas from the box. It felt like a lounge day. As much as she wanted to soak in the tub while the wash was going, she decided that would wait until Nate was in bed.

But, while the load was going, Emily took the time to go into her room and relax for a moment. She planned to call her mother soon, but wasn't looking forward to it at all. That was a problem for a little later. She laid on the bed and just listened to the quiet. She could hear the shower water running, the washer going, and the outside noise, but it was peaceful, and the first true moment she could let her body relax in a normal bed without complete and utter fear for their safety. Her mind didn't shut off.

As soon as the opportunity presented herself, she needed to find a way to learn what happened with Vince and James. One of them was dead and she had yet to figure out which. On top of that, she had to try to find a way to absolve of herself of the murder and assault. Who was behind it, she knew, but proving it would be more difficult. As would finding out how she was tracked. It all just didn't sit right with her. She knew she covered her trail well. She tried to clear the thoughts. She had more important things to focus on first.

Before she could even attempt to start on the next thing she wanted to get done, Nate came into the room, swimming in the clothes she gave him. His hands were gripping the sides of the shorts and the shirt was long enough to be a dress.

"The clothes are eating me," he told her, making her laugh.

"It does look that way. Don't worry. We'll get you into clothes that fit very soon, and I'll see about getting you some new ones."

She pulled him closer to her and fashioned a drawstring on the pants to make the extra room a little more manageable. They were big, but not so big that he couldn't wear them with a little help. She had him tuck in the hem of the shirt so that it didn't hang as low.

"See. Better already."

"Thank you."

"No problem." She kissed his cheek. "So, there are a bunch of toys in your room? Any games?"

"Yeah, a ton."

"Well, I'm going to make a phone call and put the clothes in the dryer. Pick out a game for us and we can play once I'm done."

"Alright."

Once he was in his room, Emily decided not to put the call off any longer. She did just as she did the last time and called the office switch box and had her call transferred to her mother.

"Ambassador Prentiss."

"Mom."

"Emily?!" There was relief and excitement in her voice. "You made it. You're ok."

"Yeah."

"Did you find everything. The place is very private. No one near you for miles and a security system that's top of the line."

"I know, Mother. Thank you. It's great."

"I hope the clothes were to your liking."

"They were. Thanks. Listen, Mom, I wanted to talk with you, but I'd rather not do it over the phone. Any chance that you can get here without being followed?"

"Emily, of course. You're not the only one who snuck out of the house as a teenager. I'm perfectly capable of getting from point A to point B without anyone knowing."

"Umm… Ok?"

"Should I come now?"

"Just one more favor. Can you pick up a few more things for me?"

Elizabeth said yes and asked for a list, though became increasingly curious the more Emily spoke. Clothes in a size and style meant for a young boy, children's toothpaste and toothbrush… All that had her questioning.

"Who is all this for? Do you… Do you have a child with you?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Please be careful."

Elizabeth told her that she would get everything, but she expected all the details the moment they saw each other.

"We'll talk, Mom. I already told you that."

"I have a few things to do before I can go. I'll shop as soon as I can."

Emily hung up with her mother knowing she had only a few hours to prepare both herself and Nate for the woman's arrival. The next thing she wanted to do was find out which one of the men was dead. James or Vince? She needed to know, and she needed to tell Nate, but she didn't know how to find out without reaching out to Clyde or someone from her team. Doing that, though, could be traced to her, and she wasn't sure she could take that chance. Bardolino or someone working for him seemed to know her a little too well. So, she supposed she'd have to wait a little longer.

In the meantime, Emily finished the laundry and brought the clothes to Nate who was happy to have clothes that actually fit again. After he changed, the two had a quiet day together. They played games and watched TV as they waited for Elizabeth. And, as it neared nighttime, Emily decided it was time to explain their coming visitor.

"So, Nate. My mother is coming over for a little while."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah. She wants to speak with me, and I asked her to bring some clothes and some other stuff for you."

"Cool."

"I'd like for you to meet her. Are you ok with that?"

"Sure," he said. He didn't mind meeting new people. "Does she know my dads?"

"Actually, she knows your daddy because James and I were very good friends growing up."

He asked a little more about Elizabeth before sneaking in questions about his fathers. Emily assured him that she didn't have any new information, but she was going to do her best to find out more. She wasn't lying, but it was hard for an eight-year-old to just accept that.

Fortunately, before he could jump into any more questions about his fathers, especially the ones she had been tiptoeing around, there was an alert from the security system. Someone was driving up the driveway. There was a momentary panic before she saw that it was her mother. Then the panic didn't quite subside.

"I think there was ice cream in the freezer. Want some?" Emily asked Nate, hoping to be able to talk to her mom alone for a moment before introducing them.

"Yeah!"

"Go ahead. Not too much, ok?"

"Whipped cream too?"

"If we have it."

"I'll check."

Nate raced off just in time for the knock. It was a gentle tap on the door, and Emily was grateful for that because she was sure her mother had a key and could just walk in.

Taking a deep breath, Emily opened the door, standing behind it to hide what she could of her injuries. Without make up, there was no hiding the rest.

"Hey Mom, come in."

"Emily. Oh. I'm so happy to see you." Elizabeth, very maternally, brushed the hair off Emily's face and pushed in behind her ear. Then she stiffened. "What happened to your face?"

"It's… It was an accident," Emily explained, pushing her mother's hand away.

Elizabeth didn't believe her and couldn't let it go that easily. She put the bags of stuff she brought with her down and told Emily to close the door. "I want a better look at you."

Reluctantly, Emily did as told, looking away as her mother took stock of the situation.

"Emily!" she yelled. "You said on the phone that you were ok. Nothing about any of this looks ok. What happened to you? Your leg? Is it broken? Should you be walking on it?"

"It's not broken, Mom," Emily assured her. "And I am fine. I have a headache though, so please no more yelling."

"Here," Elizabeth reached into her purse and pulled out a pill bottle. "Take these."

"Thanks."

"Take them and then sit down, so you can explain to me what happened, why you need all this stuff, and what is going on with all the secrecy. I swear, Emily, I feel like we're playing hide and go seek or playing out a James Bond fantasy. I deserve some answers."

"I know you do, Mom," she said with a sigh, waving her mother toward the couch.

As Elizabeth moved deeper into the cabin, Emily paused, listening for Nate in the kitchen. She could just make out the clatter of a spoon against the glass bowl. She was sure he was going to eat his weight in ice cream if she didn't go and check in on him soon… _Let him have his fun,_ she thought.

Emily slowly made her way to her mother, limping and holding on to anything that could hold her weight as she did. Elizabeth watched her carefully. There was a lot her daughter wasn't telling her and now she needed some real answers. Unable to see her daughter suffer just by walking, Elizabeth stood, met up with Emily, and offered an arm.

"Let me help," she said.

Emily couldn't argue that she could handle it. It seemed that the travel and the lack of medication that she was supposed to take were weighing on her. The immobilizer felt tight and everything hurt. A little help sounded nice. So she offered a grin and a nod before leaning on her mother.

Making it to the couch, Emily could barely sit before a loud bang caught their attention. Elizabeth asked, "Is someone else here?"

"Yes," she answered, and before finishing the thought or even ask if everything was alright in the kitchen, Nate came running into the room with a big bowl in hand.

"Emily, I made you some… Oh… hi," he said, stopping mid trek when he noticed Elizabeth. "Emily, is this your mommy?"

She nodded.

"Hello," Elizabeth offered. "I'm Elizabeth."

"Mom, this is Nathaniel. Nate, this is my mother, Elizabeth."

"Ice cream?" Nate held out the bowl and spoon that was originally for Emily.

"Oh, no thank you, Nate."

He turned to the other woman in the room. "Emily?"

"I don't know Nate. That's a pretty big bowl. I don't know how I could ever finish it."

"I can help," he eagerly told her, showing her that he had two spoons. "We can share."

"And how much have you already had?"

"Just a teeny weeny, tiny bit."

Emily laughed. "I'm sure."

Elizabeth saw a window of opportunity with the boy. He, too, appeared to have been hurt. He had similar fading bruises and a broken arm. Whatever happened to Emily could very well have happened to Nate. Knowing her daughter, she realized she was more likely to get the unfiltered truth out of Nate than Emily, so she smiled and said, "Why don't you sit down with us, Nate?"

He looked to Emily who had a tight-lipped smile, but nodded that it was ok. He sat next to Emily. Elizabeth returned to her seat in the armchair. Sitting toward the edge of the seat, legs crossed, Elizabeth observed their interactions. Emily took a spoon from Nate and stole a bit of the ice cream as he whispered something to her. He was a cute kid, but who the hell did he belong to?

"So, Nate, what happened to your arm?" Elizabeth asked him, breaking her quiet.

"A car hit our car and it broke."

Eyes narrowed at Emily, she said, "Is that so?"

"Uh huh. We were driving and the car was going crazy following us. Then bam! He hit us."

Emily sunk into her seat knowing that she wasn't going to be able to control what was told and how. Her mother was better than she gave her credit for. Then again, she always knew how to work a situation. Emily inherited that ability.

"Wow. That must have been scary."

"It was, and it hurt. But it was scarier after. Emily couldn't walk right, but she tried to help me, then a guy attacked her. And then she wouldn't wake up, so we went to the hospital. But I got a cool cast and Emily kind of did too."

Surprised, Elizabeth yelled, "What?! You were attacked?!"

Emily shrunk into the seat more, as if trying to become woven into the fabric. "Mom, it's not like that."

"Then what exactly was it like, Dear. Please, enlighten me."

"Can we not do this right now?" Emily asked, head bobbing toward Nate.

"Fine," Elizabeth huffed, angered by her daughter's clear omissions. "Nate, why don't you tell me a little about yourself? How old are you?"

"Eight."

"Where are your parents?"

His shoulders slumped. "I don't know," he sadly responded. "My dads took me to England to see Emily and then we went on a trip, just me and her."

Elizabeth looked to Emily curiously, another piece of the puzzle coming together. "Do you like to read, Nate?"

"Yup."

"There's a bag over there on the floor. Inside are a few books and even some pajamas for you."

"Take them up to your room, Nate. Wash the ice cream off your face, brush your teeth, and I'll be up in a little while."

"I can't stay?"

"Mom and I need to talk," Emily explained. "Grown up talk. But you can come hang out down here after. Alright?"

"Fine."

They waited silently as the boy tried to delay his exit, searching through the bags, but once he was gone, Elizabeth was not hesitant in the least to jump in. "You were in a car accident _and _attacked?"

"Well, I wouldn't say it was an accident, but yes." No point in lying.

Elizabeth rubbed her face. "Aaron Hotchner and Clyde Easter paid me a visit."

"They did?" Emily asked.

"They were looking for you. _Worried_ about you. And now I truly understand why. They asked a lot about James as well. At the time, they didn't believe you were hurt, but they said that James and, whom I can now assume was, his partner were. Now I can see that they were wrong. What are you involved in Emily? And who is that boy?"

Before she could answer any of her mother's questions, she had to know, "Is James… How bad? How bad was he hurt?"

"Emily!"

"Please, Mom. I need to know."

"James was very badly hurt. He's in the hospital and they don't know yet if he would be ok."

"And Vince?"

"Who?"

"The other guy."

"Dominic? Did you know him?"

"Yes."

"I'm… I'm sorry Emily. He died."

A shaky breath left her body as she forced the tears away. She knew it was one of them. She hoped the news got it wrong, but she knew. Still, it hurt. Elizabeth saw this and moved next to her daughter, hugging her, whispering that she was sorry.

"Please, Emily. I want to help you. Tell me everything."

"Nate is James' son. Their son. They came to me for help, and I… I got them hurt… _Killed_."

"No… No, Emily. I know you. You didn't do this." Elizabeth held her daughter tighter. "Whatever happened wasn't your fault."

"I was supposed to keep them safe. I shouldn't have left without them. I should have tried to help." Normally, Emily would never confide in her mother like this, nor be so openly emotional, but she couldn't hold it in this time. "I have to tell that little boy that his dad is dead. How do I do that?"

"It'll be hard, but you'll get through it. You can do this Emily."

Elizabeth held her until she calmed again. Once she was more stable, she, again, asked who attacked them and what happened. Emily didn't say the who, but she explained that someone was searching for Nate and Emily was trying to protect him.

"Your friends said that you're being accused of the murder and attack."

"I know…"

"Why didn't you tell me… or anyone?"

"There was no time. I had to take Nate and go. Then there was the crash and…"

"And you were attacked."

"Right."

"What did the doctors say? Did you stay long enough to get checked out?"

"Nate's fine. His arm is broken, has a few bumps and bruises, but the doctor said to give him a little pain reliever if necessary, otherwise he would just need some time to heal."

"And you?"

"Tore my ACL."

"And?"

"Just a mild concussion. I'm fine."

"When did this happen? A concussion is serious. Were you even supposed to be flying?"

"Probably not."

"Damn it, Emily. You always do this. You're so cavalier about your own well-being." Shaking her head in anger, Elizabeth told her, "I'm going to call my doctor friend. He's discreet and works on call, so he can get here within the hour. He can check on you and Nate."

"That's not nec–"

"Don't argue with me. I'm going to call, and while we wait for him to come, you're going to tell me more about what happened because, like it or not, I am your mother and I am in this now."

Elizabeth stepped away to make the call while Emily let everything sink in. Everything she tried to prevent seemed to be happening. Her team, her mother, her _family_ were all involved. She tried to keep them out of this. James and Vince were either hurt or dead, and she wanted to prevent that… Was she any good at what she was doing? She knew that now was not a good time to doubt herself, but how could she not?


	13. Reach Out

_Thought I'd upload a little early this time. Hope everyone is safe and practicing social distancing. Enjoy the chapter. _

**Chapter 13: Reach Out**

The concierge doctor showed up about an hour after Elizabeth called. The wait gave them just enough time to talk through a few things, meaning, mainly Elizabeth asked questions about the situation that Emily answered. That, and Elizabeth all but lectured Emily in an indignant tone about how incredibly rude and inconsiderate it was not to tell her what was going on.

"I'm your mother, and when you are hurt, I want to know about it. When things happen in your life, I want to know about it. Our relationship has been strained in the past, but I'm here, Emily, and you need to make the effort too. You could have been killed. Damn it, Emily. How do you always attract these situations? Even as a child, you almost created an international incident by spitting on the Saudi prince's son."

"I was nine. He pushed me because I wouldn't tie his shoes for him. He was eleven. He should have been able to do that himself."

Elizabeth glared.

By the time Elizabeth was done and the doctor was about to arrive, Emily was all talked out and Nate was comfortably resting by her side while talking cartoons with Elizabeth, leaving Emily's mind to wander. The door sounded, breaking her sad thoughts.

"Who's here?" Nate asked.

"I got a doctor to come and make sure you and Emily are ok after traveling," Elizabeth explained, getting up to answer the door.

When she returned, the doctor was with her, supply and equipment bag in hand. "Hello. I'm Dr. Northup," he introduced himself. "I hear you two were in an accident and then decided why not do some international travelling. Who would like to go first?"

"Nate, Dr. Northup's going to quickly check you over."

"But I already went to the doctor and I feel good. Nothing hurts."

"No aches?" The doctor asked. "Not even the arm?"

"Only a tiny bit."

"Then our exam should be quick and easy. It'll be painless."

Huffing, he allowed the doctor to look him over. Everything checked out. All the bruising was healing nicely, and the arm didn't look swollen or anything. He was in excellent shape given what he had gone through.

"Now your turn," Northup said to Emily. "What was the ER doctor's verdict?"

"Torn ACL, bruising, concussion."

"Wonderful. We'll start with the head and work our way down. Headache?"

"Yes."

"Consistent or occasional?"

"It hasn't been as bad, but more consistent than occasional, I think."

He nodded and asked her a few more questions as he took her vitals. Not giving her any insight into his thoughts, he asked her to lift her shirt to see the bruising. Like Nate, she was healing well where that was concerned.

"I'm going to take the immobilizer off. Try to stay still," he warned her, unfastening the brace straps.

She groaned as he did and was surprised to see just how swollen her leg was. She didn't remember it looking like that when she was in France. She never remembered it looking like that.

The doctor just shook his head. "You're a difficult patient. I can already tell."

"I haven't even done anything. I'm cooperating," she defended.

"Now. I bet you were told to take it easy and given crutches."

"Ha ha!" Emily declared victory. "That's where you're wrong. I wasn't given crutches."

Northup rolled his eyes. "Any medication?"

"None until I took an Ibuprofen a few hours ago."

He jotted that down in his notes. "The inflammation in the leg is not good. It should be going down. I'm afraid that, with the overuse and the travel, it made it worse. I was warned you might need them, so I have a set of crutches in the car for you but try to lay off it. Leg up and resting as much as possible. I know it's hard with a child, but you're risking permanent damage. Take it easy. I'll give you some medication to help with the pain and swelling, but it will only do so much if you continue to push yourself."

"I understand," she assured him. "I won't push it."

"Good."

The doctor set her up with crutches and some medicine with strict instructions not to drink and to soak her leg in a warm bath. That was one piece of doctor's advice she was not inclined to ignore. A bath sounded nice. Northup told her they would do a follow up in a week or so to check on the inflammation and told her to call if she had any concerns before Elizabeth saw him out.

"I need to get him to bed," Emily told her mother as a sleeping Nate rested against her.

"Let me help you."

Emily's attempts to argue were thwarted. Her mother was going to help whether Emily wanted it or not, so she just allowed it to happen.

"Nate," Elizabeth gently coaxed him. "Time to go up to bed."

"Do I have to? I'm cozy."

"It'll be cozier in bed. Come on, please."

He rolled over and off the couch, slowly getting up. "Are you staying?" he mumbled.

Elizabeth looked to Emily who shrugged, saying if she wanted to, she could. She wasn't up for a fight any more than her mother was. Whatever the doctor gave her made her sleepy, and she knew her mother was worried about her. She wanted to make sure her daughter was fine.

"Yes, I'm staying," Elizabeth told him. "Someone needs to take care of Emily."

"I take care of her," he indignantly stated.

"But you don't need to. Now, get moving."

Elizabeth helped them both upstairs, Emily happy on a drug high and leaning on her mother like a child might. Elizabeth reveled in the moment. They didn't come about often when Emily was a child, so she was thrilled to be taking care of her now.

Emily was helped into bed, Elizabeth placing a few small pillows under her leg for comfort and support.

"Thanks, Mommy," Emily groggily mumbled, rolling onto her side and surrounding herself in blankets. "You can stay here."

"Are you sure? There's another room that no one's using."

Still groggy, she managed, "No linens. You like clean."

"Well, ok."

Elizabeth relished the thought of continuing to mother her daughter. The situation was terrible, but, for the night, she was excited about it. She changed into some of the pajamas she brought for Emily and slipped into bed. She didn't know what to do next. Despite the late hour and the two very tired occupants, she wasn't quite ready for bed.

She laid there, watching Emily and thinking about how, yet again, she almost lost her daughter and she had no idea it was happening. _At least she turned to me this time. _That gave Elizabeth a warm feeling. Her daughter turned to _her_. Even a year ago, she doubted that would have happened.

"My poor baby," Elizabeth whispered as she brushed her fingers through Emily's hair. She could feel the slight bump from the accident.

Not budging from her comfortable position, Emily just grumbled, "What are you doing?"

"I could have lost you," she responded. "You could have died."

"Mmhmm."

"And I'm angry that you always get yourself into a mess, a mess that could cost me you, but I can't help but be proud too."

"Why?" her voice was marred by the pillows.

"You're so brave, so fearless, and much too generous for your own good. What you're doing for your friend and that boy is incredible."

"Had to," Emily said, half asleep and still high as a kite.

"No, you choose to, and that's the person you are."

"Wanted to help… James and… and m… son."

Though Emily's voice was muffled by the blankets and pillows she was speaking into, they hit Elizabeth like a biting bullet. She swore she made out the words "my son." It was enough for her eyes to widen and look at Emily in great question.

"Your what?" She shook her daughter gently. "Emily?" Her daughter was asleep, so it was no use, but her mind went from zero to sixty and she was positive she, unlike the others, would be getting no sleep that night wondering exactly what she heard and what Emily meant.

By the time morning rolled around, Elizabeth was more exhausted than when night fell and half sure she imagined the whole interaction with Emily. Was she hearing things? Her mind was going crazy with all the possibilities, but no matter the conclusion, there was one thing that was clear as day. Emily loved Nate, and so, Elizabeth wanted to get to know him.

Nate woke up before Emily and, Elizabeth caught him just as he was about to wake Emily up. "Let her sleep a little more," she told him. "She needs it."

She guided him down the steps and into the kitchen. "Want to help me make breakfast? We can bring it up to Emily and do breakfast in bed."

"Yeah!"

"Shh. No yelling."

"Sorry."

Elizabeth smiled and passed him a bowl. "Know how to crack an egg?"

Of course he did, in the same messy way most children did, but it was fun. The two went simple with an omelet and toast, nothing extraordinary. Elizabeth used the opportunity to get to know Nate.

She asked about little things first like his favorite things, the stuffed dog he carried around, and the normal get to know you questions before jumping into the harder stuff.

"So, you have two dads?" _Subtle…_

"Uh huh."

"What's that like?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, not realizing that having two dads was any different than everyone else who had a mom and a dad or two moms even.

"Never mind," she said. "You ever see your mom?"

"My mom?" he questioned.

"Yeah. Do you see her often?"

He looked at her like she was crazy and Elizabeth didn't know if that was because Emily was his mom and he thought she should know that or if he just had no idea where she was going with any of it. Anyway, he answered vaguely in a way that didn't tell her anything either way.

"Can we go take this to her now?"

"Yes. I found a tray. It's on the table. Grab it please. Careful with the arm"

When the tray was ready, they loaded it with the three plates and drinks. Elizabeth carefully carried it upstairs with Nate helping her.

Emily was very surprised to be woken up to breakfast in bed. "Wow, you did all this?" she asked Nate.

"Me and your mom," he responded. "And it's yummy."

"Thank you. Thanks Mom." Emily began to eat before asking her mother if she would join them. "The more the merrier on the bed, Mom."

Elizabeth was hesitant only because she was enjoying watching, truly observing, the two interacting. Emily was so natural with him and it only increased her suspicious thoughts. She did join them, though, sitting on the opposite side of Emily, next to Nate as not to hit her leg. While eating, she watched them both carefully, looking for similarities in their movement, of which, she found many, and resemblances, of which, she also found some. But she had to wonder if she was seeing something that wasn't there because that was what she thought she should see or if it was really there. The only way to know was for Emily to tell her.

"You ok, Mom?"

"Perfect," she said. "I'm going to go clean up."

"You don't need to. I can handle it."

"No. The two of you should get dressed while I clean up. I can take care of it. It's no problem."

"If you're sure," Emily said, somewhat disbelievingly.

"I am. Now, get dressed. It's a beautiful day out today and I know there's a little boy who has been dying to get out there."

Emily didn't know how to feel about her mother weaving herself into the web, but she was grateful for the help. Being hurt and trying to be on the run with a kid was harder than she thought. At least when she did that with Declan, everyone was safe, and Louise was there to help. Then, as much as she loved Declan, she was able to separate herself from him. She left the mothering and care mostly to Louise. She was just a spy helping a little boy.

_Stop thinking about that…_ she chastised. No way did she want to think about anything Doyle right now.

Nate caught her attention as he started running down the stairs. The broken arm wasn't slowing him down one bit. Emily struggled behind him. Crutches didn't make stairs any easier, just more of an obstacle, but once she was down, she joined them on the back deck.

Emily immediately reiterated the rules. He could play, just be mindful of his injuries and stay in the yard where she could see him. No going past the water. She didn't want to limit him too much. They were secluded and safe, and he should have a chance to run and play like any kid. The only thing she regretted was that she wasn't up to playing with him, but there was plenty to keep him busy.

"So, we need to have a chat," Elizabeth broke Emily's trance. Her eyes were fixated on Nate before her mother spoke.

"About?"

"About last night and what you said."

Emily thought back in confusion. She remembered the doctor giving her a shot of something, even remembered her mother helping her and Nate to bed, but she didn't remember anything they talked about.

"We talked last night?"

Distrustfully, Elizabeth asked, "You don't remember?"

"No… What did I say? Was it embarrassing? I knew I should have said no to the medicine. How bad was it?"

"You honestly don't remember?"

Elizabeth needed to make sure this wasn't some kind of ploy. She didn't want to go about this the wrong way. She didn't want to confront Emily. Rather, she hoped Emily would bring it up. Now, either her daughter was faking a drug induced fog to keep what she said hidden and hope Elizabeth let it go, or she truly didn't remember.

"No. I remember you helping me to bed and then we said goodnight."

_I should have known she was out of it when she called me Mommy,_ Elizabeth thought. "Ok. And don't worry. You didn't say or do anything embarrassing."

"Good. Then what did you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to know how you came to be involved in all of this."

"I told you. James came to me for help. He, Nate, and Vince were in trouble and they turned to me. I couldn't say no. I wouldn't."

Elizabeth sighed. "I know. Why is he here with you though? How come he wasn't with them?"

"We were separating when they were attacked. I promised to take Nate to safety, and we were all supposed to meet up later."

"Emily, correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't it been years since you and James have talked. You never told me what happened or that anything happened, but he used to come with you for an occasional visit and then, nothing. I hadn't heard from him and you didn't speak of him, so I assumed something happened and that you lost touch."

"I… It's complicated and I really don't want to get into it now," Emily said with an air of finality.

"Ok…" Elizabeth had to let it go. She would find another way to get the information. She snuck in a few more questions attempting, again, to lead into the deeper questions, but, like with Nate, it wasn't working. Before she could even try to ask about anything else, Nate came running up asking if he could please go fishing. They found poles in the mud room.

Emily, wanting him to have fun, gave in and even braved the patio steps and uneven terrain to fish with him. Elizabeth watched on, happy to be the observer. She missed a lot of time in her daughter's life, but being a part of these little, seemingly inconsequential, moments made her happy. It made her realize what she missed out on with Emily and it made her realize that, should Emily make her a grandmother, she would very much like to take a more active role.

"Why are you smiling?" Emily asked when she returned later.

"I like seeing you with him."

"Yeah?" Emily smiled.

"Yeah. It's nice to see you with kids."

"Don't go getting any ideas."

"You never think about it?"

"About having kids?" Emily asked. Her mother nodded. "I'm a little old, don't you think?"

"Nonsense. Women are having babies well into their forties these days. I'm sure it could happen if you wanted it to. Money can help with doctors if need be."

"I'm not in a relationship, Mom. So, you're jumping the gun a little here."

"So, you have thought about it?"

Emily shrugged and said, "Doesn't every woman think about it in one way or another?"

"I suppose," Elizabeth agreed. "You know, you don't need to be in a relationship to have kids."

Trying to steer the conversation away from the topic and knowing a way to get her mom on board with that as well, Emily joked, "Are you telling me I should go sleep with the first man I see and ask him for a little donation?"

"Absolutely not!" Elizabeth was aghast. "I would never suggest such a thing."

Laughing, Emily just said that she knew her mother wouldn't. "Don't worry, ok. I don't want to think about this right now. I have too much going on as it is."

"I understand."

"Good. And I also have a hungry kid and sore leg, so want to help me out of this chair? I need to make him lunch."

"Sure. I'll join you."

Elizabeth helped her up and guided her into the kitchen after Emily told Nate not to leave that spot and call if he needed anything. They cooked together seamlessly and called Nate back in for food. As soon as he was finished, he asked to go back out.

"Sure," Emily said. "But not for too long."

"Ok."

It didn't take him long to run out and Elizabeth to take over the cleaning. As she did, though, Emily thought it was time to address something.

"Emily, I was thinking that later Nate and I can watch a movie while you finally take your bath."

"I'm not sure about that."

"No. Why not?"

"Mom, I really appreciate all you've done for me… Honestly, it has been great and it helped me really see that you are there for me, something we've both had issues with in the past, but you need to go."

"What? But Emily. I can stay. You need help, and I can provide that."

"I know, Mom. Trust me. Whatever you may think, this isn't me trying to get rid of you. I've… I've actually liked having you here, but you still can't stay."

"I still don't understand."

"My friends have checked in with you, that means that they're probably tracking your movements and looking for any changes. You already broke your pattern by setting up everything for us, then again yesterday for shopping and then again by staying here. If the team is tracking you, you can lead them here."

"Would that be so bad?"

"No. No it wouldn't. But they're not the only ones trying to find me and Nate. There are bad people out there and, until I can figure out how to deal with that, I don't want to bring them all in and lead everyone to Nate. I don't want to lead them to you either. On top of that, I have a little boy out there who is about to get some very bad news. I need to tell him about Vince, and I think it's best that we're alone."

Sadly, Elizabeth did understand the protectiveness. "Ok. I'll go, but please reach out Emily. Now that I know what's going on, all I'm going to do is worry."

"You have a burner phone and you have the number to mine. We can check in. I promise. I didn't want you involved in this, Mom, but I am glad that you've been here."

"Me too," Elizabeth responded, hugging her daughter. "I guess I should go now. I'm just going to say goodbye to Nate if that's ok."

"Go ahead."

Nate was sad to see her go, but happy to have Emily all to himself again. Though, Emily had a feeling that wouldn't be the case for long. Before she left, Emily made sure to tell her mom to up her security. She knew that her mother was resourceful and could get from point a to point b with minimal trace, but she also needed to be cautious. Elizabeth agreed, though was angered when Emily didn't want any hired guards for her and Nate.

"I'd love the help protecting us, but how suspicious would that look?"

Elizabeth knew better than to fight her daughter, especially when things were going so well between them. Honestly, she understood on some level. She wanted Emily safe, but she was already at risk just because she was there with them.

Later that evening, as the sun was just beginning to set, Emily told herself it was now or never. She promised him that when she knew what was going on, she'd tell him, and she didn't want to lie about that.

"There's something we need to talk about, Nate."

"What?" His big, curious eyes were staring into hers.

"Come over here. Sit by me." She patted the lounge chair next to hers.

"What's the matter? You look sad."

"I am sad," she told him, honestly. "Something happened."

"What?"

"I promised you that I'd try to find out what happened with your dads."

Happily, he asked, "Did you do it?"

"I found out what I could."

"Where are they? Are they ok?" he eagerly questioned.

She looked away from him and took a long, deep breath. "No Nate. Your daddy, James, he's in the hospital. He got hurt very badly and had to have some surgery."

"But he'll be ok?" His hopefulness was tearing her apart.

"His brain was hurt, Nate. The doctors are going to do everything they can, but he's in a coma. Do you know what that means?"

He shook his head, no.

"It means that his body is making him sleep all the time so that it could try and get better."

"So he's going to get better? He's going to wake up and be ok."

"He's going to fight his hardest. I know that."

"When can I see him?"

"I don't know, Nate. It's not safe to leave here right now and your dad can't be moved."

"What about my other dad?"

"Oh Nate… Vince… Your dad… He…" _Just spit it out. _ "He died, Nate."

"What?" His already glassy eyes were shaking with tears.

Emily reached out to him, but he didn't even feel it.

"I don't know the details, but he was hurt, and his body couldn't handle it anymore. He went to heaven."

"He… He's gone? But I… I want to see him. I want my dad. I want both of my dads. He's not dead. He's not!"

"Nate…"

"He's not dead!"

Emily tried to reach out to him again, to offer him much needed comfort, but he pushed her away, nearly knocking her back into her seat before running off. He was in pain. She knew that, but she didn't know if she should give him space or go after him. In the end, going after him won out. Since she heard him run up the stairs, he'd still get a little space.

She made her way up there slowly, giving both her and Nate time to process. Emily hesitated at the door. She had been holding in her own grief for some time. Despite their differences and the anger and resentment between them, they also had a unique love and respect for each other. Any chance of working on that part of their relationship more was gone. So, now she was going into Nate's room with a heavy, saddened heart, broken for Nate losing his father and for her losing a friend.

"Nate?" She knocked on the door. "I'm coming in."

"Go away," he yelled as she opened the door. "I don't believe you. My dad's not dead and you're mean." He emphasized his displeasure by throwing the pillows from the bed at her.

"Nate. Please stop."

"No!" He continued to throw pillows at her.

Emily pushed through the attack until she was next to him on the bed. He was now lying face down, head buried in the mattress as he cried. Her hand rubbed his back. "I'm so sorry, Nate. I'm so sorry."

He finally looked to her. "I don't want him to be dead. I want both my dads forever and ever. Please. Please. I want my dads."

Emily cried with him, pulling him into her arms. They stayed there in his bed, Emily holding him tightly and telling him that she was sorry, that she would do what she could to get him James back.

"You're not alone, Nate. I wish I could bring him back for you. I really do. And I'm so sorry, but remember that you're not alone, no matter what."

Nate said nothing back but returned the hug and sunk into her arms. The two of them stayed there for the rest of the night. Nate cried until he fell asleep and Emily just held him, desperately trying to keep herself together for him.

This battle, this… whatever it was, was taking a huge toll on them. They weren't unscathed. And now, Emily realized that she had to take the risk. She reached out to her mother, and that helped, but she still needed more. She needed people in her corner to give her the reach that she didn't have in hiding.

So, in the late hours of the night, while Nate was sound asleep, Emily made her first attempt at contact with the outside world beyond her mother. It would take a day or so for the package to arrive, but when it did, she had no doubt that the recipient would be able to figure out what it meant and get in contact with her.

But it would be a hard few days before that happened. Nate continued to struggle as did Emily. It was just a sad time full of mourning and pain. Emily tried to keep them both busy, minds occupied, and well taken care of. It worked sometimes, and sometimes it just made Nate think of his fathers more. She was hoping though, that, once she had the team helping her, they would be able to take down the Bardolino family and get Nate to James, so at least he could see his father.


	14. Reunited

_I had a hard day, so thought I'd drop this one a little early on the off chance that reading this story helps someone else escape their hard day. _

**Chapter 14: Reunited**

In the late hours of the night, while Nate was sound asleep, Emily made her first attempt at contact with the outside world beyond her mother. It would take a day or so for the package to arrive, but when it did, she had no doubt that the recipient would be able to figure out what it meant and get in contact with her.

But it would be a hard few days before that happened. Nate continued to struggle as did Emily, and it was just a sad time. Emily tried to keep them both busy, minds occupied, and well taken care of. It worked sometimes, and sometimes it just made Nate think of his fathers more. She was hoping though, that, once she had the team helping her, they would be able to take down the Bardolino family and get Nate to James, so at least he could see his father.

Thankfully, the wheels for that were already in motion. The package was delivered the next day. A very surprised Spencer Reid came home after another long and fruitless Sunday at the office looking for something to help Emily, to find a package he wasn't expecting: one that had no return address or any identifying features. It made him a little nervous, given his line of work, but he took it along with the rest of the mail, back into his apartment somewhat intrigued by the possibilities.

Leaving the rest of his mail unattended, he took the package into the den to grab the letter opener. Slicing it opening, he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but a book sure wasn't on the list. Had he ordered it and forgot? _Solaris?_ Hmm… There was nothing wrong with the book, but he didn't ever go out looking for it. Why would he order it now? He didn't. He'd swear to it.

He looked for any note or something that may have accompanied the book. Whoever sent it had to have written something to let him know who it was from, right? The answer was a little more complicated than that. There was no note saying to Reid from X, but when he flipped through the pages, there was a computer written note, likely from the delivery service, that fell to the ground.

Spencer picked up the paper and stared at it.

It was code. He smiled. _Solaris_ and code… It didn't take long for the ideas to swirl. Solaris was something he only talked about with one other person, the only person that he knew who could understand the original Russian movie based on the very book that was in his hand.

"Emily."

They were hoping she'd reach out at some point, but he didn't anticipate it being to him. Penelope was the natural choice. She had the computer skills to help, but she chose him. Why? Instead of overanalyzing, he wanted to make sense of her note.

Aside from the greeting, "Spencer," nothing would readily make sense, but the book was the first clue. It had to be the key. So, he began reading. Even as he read, the code Emily left didn't make sense. What was he doing wrong?

He spent several hours trying multiple combinations of codes, running through every option. He knew a lot and could pull up new knowledge faster than most, but he couldn't truly make magic happen. Now he was running out of things to try and he drank all the coffee he had left in his apartment. He wasn't seeing something that was right in front of him. Maybe, he thought, he just needed to step away from it for a moment.

The clock already read after ten. He probably shouldn't have been looking for coffee this late, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he solved this riddle. So, he left. He left to clear his head of the workday and the puzzle that was driving him crazy and went in search of Folgers to replenish his supply. He had a feeling that, even if he didn't drink it tonight, he would need it in the morning.

As he walked around, his mind drifted back to the code. It was a series of numbers that he, at least initially, believed to be a binary code, each set representing a book page and word number. But the messages he got, no matter how many variations he tried, never amounted to anything but a bunch of fragmented thoughts. That, he was sure, wasn't what Emily intended for him.

Then what was the actual key? It clearly wasn't the book, but the book had to be relevant or why send it? So, he thought, then how it could be related. What did the book point to? He thought on that some more as he walked the store, grabbed what he needed, and paid. It wasn't until he was almost home that an idea struck him.

_Solaris_, the movie! That was what he invited her to go see during the Doyle fiasco. She said no because, he figured out eventually, she was being vigilant and distancing herself from the team, just as she was now. That had to be it. The numbers had to refer to something in or about the movie.

That was the first thing he checked when he got home, and, sure enough, he got a coherent message.

"Yes!" he yelled to the empty apartment.

"Please call me," it read and was followed by a number that was spelled out, and the words, "Just you. Use burner phone."

Excitedly, Spencer looked to the clock. It was past midnight. Did that mean it was too late to call? He debated it briefly, but ultimately decided to wait until the morning. Wherever she was, he knew that she was on edge and possibly hurt. Still, if there was even a chance that she was resting, he wanted her to remain doing so. It was a tossup.

It was a hopeful thought, but if she was, he had to give her the chance. He knew Emily, and he was sure that she had already bitten her nails down to the beds and was stressing everything, so he didn't want to mess up any sleep she might be getting. His decision, however, led him to a night of little sleep.

Despite his best efforts, he remained restless. He tossed and turned, he counted sheep… Nothing helped. His mind was much to active and the anticipation too strong. After a few hours of fruitless attempts, Spencer turned over in bed and saw the clock. It was already six. Clearly, there was no point in trying anymore, so he threw the covers off and walked directly to the coffee machine to get that brewing.

After that, he didn't waste any time. He eyed the notebook with the decoded message on the table. He wanted to call. Spencer wasn't sure how much longer he could wait. It was late enough in the morning to call, right?

"Are any stores open this early that would carry burner phones?" he asked himself.

There was a convenience store nearby that he thought would carry them, so he poured the coffee into the travel mug, threw on the first pair of shoes he could find and set out in search of a burner. Thankfully, once he got there, the store had just one phone that he took and paid for right away, rushing home the moment the transaction was complete.

As soon as he stepped foot into his apartment, Spencer grabbed the scissors and ripped open the plastic package. Pulling the plastic apart so quickly, he accidentally stabbed it into his hand, slicing his palm open. He didn't bother doing more than pressing a cloth on it to stem the bleeding, and, when it came to the phone, he didn't worry about setting anything up. If it made and received calls, that was all that mattered.

He was eager. Following the note's instructions, he dialed the number waiting impatiently to hear Emily's voice. He knew it was still early, but he was confident that she'd answer. It took a few rings, but she did.

Ominously, because she hadn't recognized the number, Emily picked up the call with no words. Spencer no longer heard the ringing, but not hearing anything else either, became a little confused. He pulled the phone away from his ear to see if they were still connected. They were.

"Hello? Emily? Are you there?"

"Spencer," she said, her voice timid and tired.

"Yes. It's me. I waited as long as I could, but I couldn't wait anymore. I know it's barely morning and you were probably sleeping but I –"

"It's ok," she cut him off.

"I… I don't know what to say. I have so many questions. Where do I start? Are you ok? Where are you? What's going on?" He continued with a rant full of questions, so many that Emily felt as overwhelmed as him.

"Calm down Spence. I… I would like to see you. Can you meet me?"

"Today?" He eagerly suggested. He would go right then and there if he could.

"That works."

"After work," Spencer told her. "We're only taking local cases because… well, so we can find you. I have to tell them…"

"No!" she cut him off. "Don't tell them anything. Not yet. I want to talk with you, but I want to do it in person and then we can figure things out."

"Oh… Ok."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh."

"It's ok."

She sighed. "No. I didn't mean to snap. It's just… It's been a long few days."

Now he sighed. He was sure it had been a rough few weeks for Emily, and he was about to, possibly, make it worse. "Emily… I don't know if you know this, but your friend is in the hospital and the other is dead."

"I know," she sadly responded. "I… I know…"

"I'm so sorry."

"Thanks…"

"Are you ok, Emily?"

"I'm…" she wanted to say good or fine, but was she? "I'm doing my best," she answered honestly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

Just so happy to hear his voice, Emily had to contain her emotion. There were things she wanted to say and things she wanted to ask, but not over the phone. She allowed him a few trivial questions and offered vague answers but didn't let any of the tougher questions slide. They spent a half hour on the phone, longer than she wanted, with little accomplished or learned except for the comfort that just sharing a phone line provided.

"You better hang up now," Emily said. "If you don't leave to catch the subway soon, you're going to be late for work."

"Oh crap," he exclaimed as he saw the time. "Are you sure that I can't tell anyone?"

"Not yet. Please, Spencer. We can talk. Call me when you're free and I'll tell you how to get here."

"At least tell me where here is."

"Goodbye Spencer."

"But Emily."

"Talk later."

She left him no room to say anything, simply hanging up on him and leaving him thinking "how rude." But he didn't give it much more thought. Sure, he gave her tone of voice plenty of thought and her evasiveness even more thought, but the hang up was trivial. Still, the whole conversation didn't settle his nerves. If anything, he was more worried about her.

And that would remain on his mind all day. That would be part of the reason he was dazed and missed his normal subway which made him late for work. Spencer went running into the office, sweat licked brow and all wild eyed.

"Are you ok?" JJ asked him immediately upon his arrival.

He rushed to his desk not even realizing

"What? Yeah. Fine. I'm good."

"Well, now we know you're not," Penelope said, catching Spencer's odd reply as she came in the bullpen. "And people think I'm on drugs. Boy genius here looks wired on coffee."

JJ nudged her. Joking about drugs wasn't funny when the subject was actually an addict.

"Sorry. What I mean is, why are you so… fumbley? Did you have a late night with a girl?" She perked at the thought. "Do you have a girlfriend? Oh! So cute… But so not the time. Sexy time is for after we find Emily and keep her from life in prison."

"There's no girl," he said, though that was technically a lie. There was a woman keeping him up, the same woman that was keeping them all up. "I'm fine. I just didn't have any coffee left and had to get a cup on my way, so I missed the subway I normally take which made me late," he explained.

They bought it for the time being, especially since they all just wanted to get back to work, but there were eyes on him for the rest of the day. He stayed relatively absent from the conversation. He was clumsier than normal, walking into things, dropping papers. Even when they were called to help on a local case, he became even more distracted. All he could think about was solving it as soon as possible and getting out of there to go to Emily.

"What's on your mind?" Hotch finally asked Spencer. The kid was twitching all day, hand constantly in his bag. Though all Spencer was doing was feeling for the burner phone to make sure he didn't miss any calls from Emily, to the concerned Unit Chief, it looked more like drug seeking behavior. Given the past, he had to be worried about that.

"The case," he responded.

"Anything else?"

Spencer shrugged.

"You can talk to me, you know. Is it about Emily?" When Spencer didn't offer any response, Hotch took that as confirmation. "We're all worried about her and what's going on. I know it's tough right now, but we have to focus on this case so that we can get back to working on clearing Emily's name and finding her." He put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "We need your head in the game."

Quietly, Spencer squeaked out, "I know."

"If you can't, go head back to the office."

"What?"

"Spencer, I know there's more going on here than just trying to understand what's happening and helping Emily. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but you're not helping us. You're not focusing and you're… You're jittery. Go to a meeting, please. And then go hang back with Garcia. She's working on something with Clyde and I'm sure they could use your help."

"I'm not using," Spencer made clear. "I'm clean."

"Let's keep it that way. I know right now is stressful. One of us always seems to end up in trouble. But we'll figure this out. You take care of you first. Alright?"

Nodding, he insisted he would and thanked his boss. So, the go to thought was that he was turning to drugs, but after his confession to JJ about being tempted following Emily's return from the dead, he expected that on some level. He made them doubt him. Only, this time he had a reason to be a little on edge and he couldn't tell them. That was kind of the same thing, just a different secret. He shook it off and, with head hung low, Spencer left the precinct to head back to Quantico.

The rest of the team watched as he left without a word.

"What's going on?" Derek asked Hotch. "Where's boy wonder going?"

"I sent him back to help Garcia at the office."

They all looked skeptical before Rossi asked, "Any reason why?"

"He's worried about Emily," Hotch explained. "I think after Doyle, he's… sensitive to the situation."

"As we all are," Dave said.

The team agreed, but Hotch reiterated that he thought Spencer was having a little trouble working on the case when he feared for Emily, so he thought it best to send the genius back to the office to help Clyde. No one fought against it, just worried a little more about Spencer. They all noticed his odd, very anxious behavior so far that day.

With him gone, they were able to concentrate more fully and power through the case, but it only gave more time for Spencer to spend thinking about Emily and all the unanswered questions. Everything she told him and everything she left out played through his mind.

He was literally counting down the seconds until he could make it out of there without being questioned. Even Penelope and Clyde noticed something was up. "Is there something I'm missing here?" Clyde quietly asked Penelope as she monitored Spencer.

"No?" she answered, more questioningly than knowingly.

Honestly, Penelope wasn't sure. Spencer wasn't acting like Spencer. After talking to JJ and learning that not one Reid fact was spouted throughout the day and then seeing for herself how in the clouds he was, Penelope was… concerned to say the least. And she questioned whether it was truly about Emily because, if it was, wouldn't he have been like this from the start? Something changed, and no one knew what.

Clyde, along with everyone else, continued to observe closely as he asked the younger man for some thoughts on his mole theory. The two most promising leads didn't pan out, so they were back to the drawing board. Spencer was no help, but Clyde did learn a lot about him as they spent the afternoon together. Mostly, he learned that Spencer had a secret and, while everyone else was worried it was a drug craving, Clyde had other thoughts.

Once five rolled around and the rest of the team closed the case they were working on, Spencer was more than eager to get the heck out of there. He didn't wait for their return, didn't say bye to Clyde or Penelope, and didn't even bother to grab his stuff off his desk. He had his bag, and that was all he needed.

A safe distance away from the building, Spencer called Emily again. "I'm coming. Tell me how to get there," he forcefully said. He wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"I like this version of you, Spencer. Tell someone what you want and get it," Emily teased him.

"Come on, Em. Please. Today has been terrible. I can't wait any longer."

"Where are you exactly?"

"Near that park about a mile from Quantico."

"Ok. I'm going to tell you how to get here, but you have to follow my directions without question, and you have to make sure no one follows you."

"I can do that," he assured.

"You have your metro card?"

"Always."

"Good, you're going to need it."

Emily gave him some crazy directions. She instructed him to walk about half a mile in one direction then take a bus in the opposite direction, going past where he started to begin with. And it only became crazier and more hectic from there.

"Is this really needed?" he asked her, flustered when she told him what to do. "Can't you just give me the address?"

"No. Absolutely not. If you want to come here, this is how it must be. Now, you have all the directions, follow them and call once you get to the last stop."

"And then what?"

"Then I'll tell you the rest of the way."

He was frustrated. Never had he worked so hard and in such confusion just to make it some place. He would do it for Emily or anyone he loved, but that didn't make it easier. In the end, he ended up getting lost a time or two, which he thought would actually help with whatever Emily was making him do rather than hurt. But he was beyond relieved when he finally made it to the last part of her directions.

"That took longer than I thought it would," Emily said when he called. "Are you ok?"

"I think I'm supposed to be asking you that."

She ignored that and continued. "Last part of the trip is easy. I promise." She told him what to do and said that she'd be waiting for him.

As she did, she wanted to ready Nate. She wasn't hiding him, but she wasn't sure what the team knew about him, if anything, so she wasn't going to force the issue. Que será, será. She wasn't hiding Nate, but she wasn't flaunting him either. That was how she was playing the situation.

Emily set him up in his room with a movie to watch and a few snacks promising him that she'd be right downstairs if he needed her. She had just enough time to get down before the alarm told her someone was coming, and she needed to get the door.

She left the crutches out of sight and purposely wore loose pants that would cover her brace. She didn't want Spencer to worry like her mother did when they first saw each other. Spencer seemed worried enough already. No need to make it worse.

There was a soft knock at the door. Knowing it was him, Emily didn't hesitate to open it. She smiled seeing him.

"Spencer," she said.

"Hi Emily." His face softened, no longer paranoid from the journey and thrilled to see her. He didn't wait for another word, just hugged her. "I'm happy you're alive."

"Me too." Emily pulled away and looked at him. "I'm sorry I had you do all that just to get here, but I'm happy you're here. Come in."

"Thanks. It was… I got lost a few times," he responded bashfully.

"That's ok."

Emily escorted him into the living room. "Can I get you anything?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Alright." Emily nodded and moved to sit with him.

He eyed her carefully. She was trying to hide it, but she couldn't.

"You're limping."

She remained silent.

"Is it… Is it from Paris?" he asked, immediately garnering all her attention.

Her eyes narrowed and bored into his. "You know about that?"

"Garcia found the footage. We watched what happened. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just… bruised."

"You're lying. Don't lie to me. I'm here because I care, Emily. I need you to be honest with me. We all want to help you, and I get that it's hard to need help. Really, I do. But please don't lie to me. Tell me what happened."

Sadly, Emily agreed to listen to his pleas. "I had a concussion, but that's better. The bump's almost gone, and the headaches are fewer, probably more caffeine withdrawal than actual head injury stuff."

"And the leg?" he asked, genuinely concerned and curious.

"It's hurt, but not broken," she responded vaguely.

"A sprain?" He watched Emily's reaction carefully. She shied away and that was how he knew it wasn't that simple. "Emily…"

"Tore my ACL, but I'm ok. The doc says it'll heal in time."

"No. He probably said that you need surgery and physical therapy."

"Well, I don't exactly have the freedom to do that right now, do I?"

"I guess not… But how are you feeling? Does it hurt?"

"Really Spencer, I'm doing ok. After getting here, I had a doctor check me out. Everything's fine."

He was skeptical, but appeased enough to let it go, especially when Emily offered him the perfect segue. "How did you get here?"

"I flew?" she offered. Knowing it wouldn't be enough to satisfy him, she sighed and told him an abridged version of events, sparingly adding details.

"Was that safe?"

"Is any of it safe, Spencer? I'm in hiding. Or did you not notice the very alternative route you took to get here?"

"I noticed. I was just worried about your health. We saw the crash and then the attack. How can I not be concerned?"

"I know. I'm sorry. I know you have questions. Go ahead. Ask them."

He did. He chose where to start very carefully and began with, what he considered the most expected questions. Spencer asked about what happened and how she got involved. Emily knew that they knew about James and Vince, so she reiterated that and gave a little more insight into the relationship.

"I didn't know that Vince was really Dominic Bardolino until a few weeks ago."

He watched her face as she talked. Emily began to stare off but didn't let it break the flow. Spencer could tell, though, that she was deep in her own thoughts as she talked with him.

"Now you have an entire mob trying to find you."

"I do," Emily agreed.

They talked for a bit, really getting into things. Emily wanted to know how much the team knew and filled in some of the blanks for Spencer, but he was curious about a few things that he wanted to address.

"How come…" he cleared his throat. "Why didn't you come to us? To me or the team, or even Clyde?"

"Oh Spencer…" She thought that she should have seen that question coming. "I didn't anticipate any of this happening. I had a plan. I was helping an old friend out, and that was supposed to be that. Things got… complicated as you know, but I thought I could handle it. I was handling it until that last night. We…. _They_ were attacked and told me to go. I had to go. After that, I was living on a whim. Nothing was truly planned and reaching out felt too risky."

"We could have helped."

"I know."

He wasn't sure he was satisfied with that, so he asked more and looked for more solid answers. He brought up the mole theory, and she was inclined to agree with him. That was a very strong possibility, according to her, but she knew, like their theories proved, that the options they had weren't right.

"Do you have any idea who it could be then?"

"I… I'm not sure. I don't know how everything is connected, and, until I know that, I can't put the pieces together."

Spencer wanted to discuss that further and offer her some of their insights, and he also really wanted to address the elephant in the room, the one only he knew that he knew, and ask about Nathaniel. But before Spencer could get into anything more or could ask any questions, the topic he was leading toward came into the room.

"Emily, I'm itchy," Nate said, holding up his casted arm, an exhausted, almost harried look on his face. The itch was driving him crazy and Emily made him promise not to stick anything in there. He was trying so hard to keep the promise. "Please make it stop itching."

Seeing the desperate look on the boy's face, Emily sprung into action. "Ok. I can take care of this." _Think_, she told herself. "Run up to my room and look under the bathroom sink. There's a blow dryer there. Bring it to me."

"But…"

"Get it. I know what will help," she assured Nate.

When he ran off, Emily looked at Spencer who clearly knew who Nate was and was observing them. "That's Nate," she told him anyway. "He's James' son. And Vince…" She shook her head and corrected herself. "Dominic."

Spencer was at a loss for words, not because he was seeing Nate in person, but because the papers he found were still burning a hole in his bag and, now, watching them for the briefest moment, he was even more confused about the situation.

"Emily…"

He took too long to talk. They could hear the footsteps approaching and Nate running in with the blow dryer.

"Hang on. Ok? I need to help him. Then we can talk more."

Emily plugged in the blow dryer and told Nate to hold out his hand. Putting on the cold air. Spencer watched as she comforted him, holding the casted hand in her own as the other held up the blow dryer to the edge of the plastered area, aiming the cool air under the cast.

"Is it helping?" she asked after a minute.

"It feels better."

"Good. It's not as good a feeling as scratching, but it takes care of the problem. I'll ask the doctor about an antihistamine. That might help."

"Thanks," Nate told her, relief painting his features.

"You're welcome. I'm going to leave this down here. If we need to do it again, we can. Just tell me first because I don't want you to use the wrong setting."

"Ok."

"Want to meet one of my friends that I told you about?"

Until then, Nate hadn't even noticed that there was someone else there. He was too preoccupied with the insatiable itch. "One of your friends? The cops?"

Kind of… "Yes."

"Ok. I want to."

"Alright." She smiled. "Nate, this is my friend Spencer. Spence, this is Nate."

It was the first time that Spencer was able to truly see Nate. He wanted to say he could look at the boy and just know that he was or was not related to Emily, but he couldn't. There were a lot of things about him, physical and otherwise, that Spencer was able to observe and could potentially attribute to Emily, but that wasn't concrete. It could be that he was seeing what he wanted to see, or an answer that he was searching for proof of. Still, it made him wonder more. And when he was given the opportunity to interact with the child himself, Spencer jumped on it.

"Hi Nate. Cool cast."

"There's a drawing on it that Emily gave me. It glows in the dark. Want to see?"

Into it, he nodded. "Yeah. Show me."

"We have to go in the closet. It's dark in there."

"Ok. Lead the way."

Nate happily showed Spencer to the closet and closed them in. The cast had spots with a neon glow. There were animals drawn all over it.

"Emily used special pens that we found. Isn't that awesome?"

"It is. I didn't know that Emily could draw."

"She's really good."

"Looks that way. Hey, can I draw you something too?"

"Ok." Nate nodded. "But don't mess up my pictures."

"I won't."

He ended up adding a few more animals and cartoon figures. Emily liked to watch them interact. She liked knowing that people important to her were getting to know each other, but she didn't want them to get attached. Nothing about this was supposed to be permanent and she couldn't allow herself to think that that would change. As much as she'd like to keep Nate to herself forever, that would mean James had to die, and she didn't want that.

"Nate, I know you're having fun with Spencer, but I need to borrow him. You can stay down here if you want, but we're going to have grown up talk, or you can head upstairs and finish your movie."

He thought on it. "Movie."

"Ok. Say goodbye to Spencer and head up. I'll be there soon."

"Bye Spencer. Thanks for the picture and for showing me the cool trick."

"You're welcome," he said. "That's our secret, though. Don't share it with anyone." Spencer hugged him.

Returning the hug, Nate said, "I won't. Bye."

Emily watched him go with a relieved smile. Nate had been struggling, but he seemed to have genuine fun with Spencer. And he smiled again, which always made Emily feel warm and happy.

"You care about him," Spencer said as he watched her watch Nate.

"More than you could know," she responded, so quiet he could barely make it out. "Of course I do. He's… I was close with him and the guys when he was a baby."

"I… Is he… I found something. When we were searching the Hadley house in Virginia."

Her eyes narrowed, unsure where he was going with this. It seemed off topic. "Ok… What did you find?"

They both returned to their once abandoned seats before Spencer spoke.

"I… There was…"

"Spencer, just say it."

"I don't know how to make sense of it. Logically, I understand the words, but I still don't understand…"

"And neither do I," Emily said. "What are you getting at?"

"Is Nate… Are you… Is he yours?"

Caught off guard and trying to stall, Emily responded, "Nate isn't an object Reid."

Somewhat exasperated, he pushed, "Come on, Emily. You know what I'm asking. Is he?"

"No," Emily answered after a moment of silence.

"No?" His eyes bulged. She was lying?

"I didn't give birth to him," she told him.

"But biologically, he is yours. Right?"

She looked down and away from him, silent.

"Emily?" She still didn't speak, but she looked at him, trying to say yes or just utter something. "I found the contract you signed. I thought I misread it… Or I hoped I did because I think I know you. Giving someone the opportunity for a child like that is so kind and generous, but it had to be hard on the woman… Especially one like you who has so much love to give and would make such an excellent mother."

"But I'm not a mother…"

"Maybe not, but…"

"But what?"

"I can't unsee the resemblances."

She scrunched her nose. "Yeah… It's hard to unsee once you go looking."

"Are you ok?" He asked. There was so much he wanted to know, but he realized she couldn't take it. She had been through a lot recently and this was an old wound that had been reopened. He couldn't allow himself to make it rawer.

"Trying to be." She offered a half smile. "Does everyone know? About Nate."

"We all know he exists, but… No, I'm the only one that knows about this."

She looked to him pleadingly. "Please don't tell them. No one knows. It was… It has been… It's just not something I…"

"I get it," he helped her.

"You do?"

"Well, no, not really, but I know you and I see what just asking has done. I'd like to know more. I'd like to ask questions, but you're not ready. So, I'll wait. I don't know if I can prevent them from finding out, and I won't stop them. We're all trying to help. But they won't find this out from me."

"Thank you, Spencer."

It pained him not to get the answers he sought about Nate and the whole situation, like how it happened in the first place or whether she had been any part of the boy's life. He wanted to know. He wanted to be there to support Emily. He just wanted to be a friend, but being a friend, in that moment, meant knowing when to leave it be. So, instead, he went back to the most urgent topic. It was getting late, Emily had a kid to tend to, and he had a circus side show of a trek back home. They needed to get to the point.

Spencer asked for any leads she might have or any details that could help clear her name. Emily offered what she could. She allowed him to do a cognitive interview to see what they could find about the night they were attacked. Nothing she said really helped, but it was more than they started with.

"What are you going to tell them?"

"I don't know. I'll figure it out."

"Whatever happens, Spencer, I'm sorry for dragging you into this."

"Whether we were involved or not… You're in it, so we are too."

"Thank you." She hugged him, reveling in the familiarity and comfort of his arms.

"Call me again. Let me know if you need anything."

"And call me if you find something."

"I will."

"Take care of yourself, Spencer."

He silently nodded and wordlessly told her to do the same. There was an unspoken promise on both ends that they would fight and do whatever to clear up the mess that she was in.

"See you soon," he hopefully said.

She could only hope that they would. She missed him and everyone else. The tiny reunion wasn't enough, and she was sad watching him leave. She was angry that she was making him keep so many secrets and was just hoping that it was the right choice. Maybe she should have let him tell the team. She could have interacted with them through Spencer…

Emily decided to think on it. She risked plenty just by bringing Spencer there. Could she risk more?

Shaking it off, she locked up the house and headed upstairs to Nate. She was exhausted. Talking was exhausted and she foresaw many more times in the future that that would be happening.

Nate was half asleep already, so it didn't take much to cement it. After tucking Nate in and making sure he was out for the night, Emily quietly made her way to her room through the dark hallway. As she entered the door and went to flip the light switch, a chill ran down her spine and a voice made her freeze.

"Hello Emily. You're a hard person to track down."


	15. Progress

_I can't promise the next chapter will be up on Wednesday per the norm, but I will try._

**Chapter 15: Progress**

After tucking Nate in and make sure he was out for the night, Emily quietly made her way to her room through the dark hallway. As she entered the door and went to flip the light switch, a chill ran down her spine and a voice made her freeze.

"Hello Emily. You're a hard person to track down."

Eyes wide and stunned, she stood there and looked at the man. That voice was very familiar. No longer frozen, she turned on the light and asked, "How did you get here?"

"The genius wasn't half bad playing pretend spy, but he's no Emily Prentiss."

"You followed him," she surmised. _Damn Reid._

"Don't blame him. I'm just good at what I do."

"Don't I know it." She sighed and limped over to the bed, crutches left downstairs. "Why'd you follow him, Clyde?"

"For the same reason that he came. To see you, to ask some questions, and to make sure you were well."

"And you had to do that by nearly giving me a heart attack sitting in my dark room like that? It's a bit menacing." She punched his arm and told him never to do that again.

"I always enjoyed the element of surprise."

"The circumstances don't fit that fancy, Clyde."

Not saying anything yet, he kicked off his shoes and moved deeper onto the bed until he was comfortable leaning into the pillows. "Where's the kid?"

"The kid's name is Nate, and he's sleeping."

"Good, then we can talk freely."

Sighing, she joined him by the pillows, the two lying side by side on top of the made bed. "Go ahead."

"That was one nasty crash," he began, jumping right into their fast-paced banter.

"It was."

"How are you feeling?"

"Good."

"The leg?"

"It'll heal."

"Do you know who it was that attacked you after?"

"No clue. Wasn't really cognizant enough to catch his face."

"His name was Christiano Perini. Employed by the Scarlatti family."

"Italy based?"

"Yes."

"Involved with Bardolino?"

"Definitely."

"Wonderful," she huffed. "You came to my team."

"They're not really you're team anymore, Emily. And I wouldn't have had to go to them if you had just come to me the moment you knew what was going on."

"Clyde. I didn't think the situation was going to come to this. If I had…"

"If you had, you still wouldn't have come to anyone because you're too stubborn," he cut her off, speaking a little forcefully. "You never know when to ask for help before it becomes a matter of necessity rather than prevention."

"Says the man who's no better than me about that stuff."

"I know why you chose to do what you did. There's usually love at the heart of it, whether for a child or just someone you care for, but that doesn't change that you can't simultaneously save everyone and keep everyone out of a situation. Success often requires a team of people. If you came to me, I could have offered you a whole team of people who work to make other people disappear. It's like Declan all over again. Why do you keep going at things alone? I don't understand it. Why can't you trust anyone?"

"It's not like that, Clyde," she found herself questioning her words.

"Then please, tell me what it is like. How is this different?"

"Nate is… It just is, Clyde. With Declan, I was hiding him not only from Doyle, but from becoming a pawn in a game you and I were forced to play. He had no business being part of the profile and if I didn't do anything, then his parentage would have been found out eventually and he would have become nothing but a tool for the government. I was responsible for his situation when I made the choice to fake his death and give him a new life on my own."

"And with Nate?"

"Nate had two loving fathers who came to me for help. They asked me to help them figure things out and, when I knew I needed more time, I offered to help them disappear for a while… maybe forever. But I hoped that helping them do that would allow me to turn to you and open an investigation. Things just took a turn."

"The normal Emily would have planned for that."

"This wasn't a normal situation."

"No?" He saw something in her look that made him wonder what else he didn't know.

"No. It wasn't."

She wasn't going to tell anyone else about Nate until she knew what the future held for them, so she wasn't going to go blabbing then. The fact didn't change, though. This was different because Nate was her son and she would do just about anything if it meant he'd be safe and happy. That was exactly what she thought she'd been doing for the past several years by not forcing the issue and staying away. She would have done anything for Declan too, and she did, but it still felt different. She didn't know whether to be angry at herself for that, but she couldn't change it either.

"We are where we are, Clyde. I did what I did, and I can't change that. Though, this time I didn't intentionally set out to leave everyone out. There was no reason to involve anyone in the beginning. I didn't want to make anyone complicit. When the time came that I could've used some help, it was too late. I had to keep going and get to safety before reaching out to anyone."

"Yet, you never did."

"I called my mother," Emily explained. "That's how I ended up here."

"Yes. I can see where you get your lying abilities from."

Emily rolled her eyes.

"I thought we had an understanding after Doyle. I'm on your side. I'd go to hell and back to help you. Pains me to say it, but you have all of your BAU friends who could have been just as helpful as I could, and you went to no one."

"I planned to reach out to you, but then I realized that something wasn't right. No way could someone have found me in Paris that fast."

"Quite the quagmire that was."

"No. We both know it's a mole. Someone from my unit at Interpol has to be a watchdog in their organization."

"Someone who knows you well enough to understand how you work."

"But not close enough to raise suspicion."

"We've crossed out quite a few names," Clyde told her.

"Reid told me."

"I've been looking through the office employee records."

"Anything stand out?" she asked.

"Yes and no."

"Elaborate please."

"Darryl Ingram stood out to us."

Her face scrunched and her head shook.

"I gave Reid my thoughts, though I admit we got distracted." Nate sidetracked mole talk. "It's not him. He told me a while back that he was having money trouble. He had a gambling problem and had to go to family for help. Because he was honest about it, I told him to take a little time off, find a gambler's anonymous program, and when he came back, he would be on probation. I didn't give him clearance to do much of anything except for basics. Though he could still hack things and look at cyber-attacks, he didn't have the access to find me in Paris."

"I didn't know that."

"He's a decent guy. I didn't want him to get in more trouble. He needed the job and was good at it, so as long as he stayed with the program and didn't get in trouble, I told him it would remain between us and he could work. A problem like that could be helped and didn't need to ruin his career."

"Are you sure the money was from family and not a pay off?"

"I'm sure. I talked with his mother who was giving him the money."

"That's… thorough."

"Yeah, well, it needed to be done."

"If not him, then who? You know your unit better than everyone. No one else had obvious signs or any red flags."

"The last few cases I've worked on all had something happen. There were roadblocks and setbacks that were way too coincidental to be coincidental. And that last case ended with McGowan taking a bullet and Dower in the morgue. I don't know who it is, but if we can find out how all the cases in the last few months were all connected or, better yet, how they were connected to Bardolino, we can narrow it down at least."

"We?"

"Don't be an ass, Clyde. I'm not hanging out here for a vacation. I want to figure this out."

"Good, because your trouble has become mine. As of a few days ago, I am wanted for questioning."

"What?" she asked with surprise and guilt. "What happened?"

"They were looking into known associates of yours and apparently, I fit the bill. Though, I've heard the call you made and the description you gave. I don't believe I look like either of the men at all."

"You don't." She groaned. "I'm sorry Clyde."

"I'm positive it's not the first time I've been or will be suspected of something. The BAU thought me responsible for selling out you and JTF-12. I'm going to think of this as a game we play."

"That's a terrible game."

"It is. Oddly enough, it's also motivating. When Hotch and your friends thought I was responsible for the Doyle situation, it just motivated me to get to you sooner and to do whatever had to be done to get there."

She smiled and put her head on his shoulder.

"Let's not allow this to come to the point where it's a retrieval mission."

He laughed, but she turned more somber.

"Honestly, Clyde, if it comes to that, I think you'd be retrieving my dead body and searching for Nate."

"Don't talk like that."

She shrugged. She knew she'd go down fighting to protect Nate.

"I suppose since you're here and a suspected accomplice, there's no chance you can get my laptop or anything from my London flat."

"Depends. What's on it and where in the flat is it? Techs combed your place for any evidence and found nothing."

"That's because they didn't know where to look. A girl's got to have her secrets," she playfully responded.

"Tell me where to look and I'll have one of my trusted people get everything."

She gave him very specific instructions on how to access her secure safe and exactly what to take out. She wanted her laptop as well as all the Nate files and documents.

"When you get them, promise me that you won't read the files. They're not relevant to the case," Emily begged. "They're personal."

"Ok," he agreed. "What about the laptop?"

"It's encrypted. When you get it, bring it to Penelope," Emily added in a very specific coding system that he should tell Penelope to use.

"Were you always such a good techie?"

"No, but London got lonely and I picked up a few things."

"Other than men?" he teased, lightening the mood.

"Yes, Clyde. Other than men."

"That's worrisome."

"How so?" she asked, laughing a little.

"You're the true superspy… and these criminals were still able to track you. Whoever is working for them has to be the best."

"My laptop is the key to figuring that out."

"I'm going to get it. We're going to figure this all out."

She sighed and closed her eyes. "I hope so."

"Are you falling asleep on me, Darling?"

"What?" her eyes snapped open. "No. I'm awake."

"Liar. It's ok. Rest now. I'll keep watch tonight," he told her, reaching over her body to the nightstand where the security feed was playing on a small hand monitor that she put there before checking on Nate. "You'll be safe. Rest easy."

"Thanks," she mumbled.

Clyde squeezed her body toward his. There was so much more that he wanted to discuss, but it would wait. For now, he just wanted to do what he was sure she hadn't been doing, and take care of her, even if that meant just being there to play watchman.

Unfortunately, when morning approached, he got a call from his retrieval specialist that he sent to Emily's place, disturbing their sleep. Emily moaned at the intrusion, but remained there, half asleep while he got up to answer.

He came back toward the bed when he was done, sitting next to Emily's curled up body.

"Emily, I know you're awake."

"Not."

"Wakey, wakey," he said, gently shaking her.

"You're going?" she mumbled, eyes squinting.

"My source tells me there might be a witness to your friends' attack."

"Who?" She jumped up now, suddenly awake.

"One of the neighbors," he said. "Not sure who exactly, but I'm going to find out."

Stretching out, she moved over to face him.

"It's been over a week since it happened. Why hasn't this person come forward?"

"I can't answer that for sure. Maybe the men got to them and pressured them to stay quiet. I don't know. But this is the best, most direct route to clearing your name and mine. I want to finish our talk, but I need to share this with your team and then I may be on a flight to London to take care of this in person."

"Keep me informed," she made him promise.

"Do you have a way I can reach you?"

"Of course."

They shared contact information before he made his leave. But, even before that, he made her promise to take care of herself – and not in the typical Emily fashion. He wanted her to eat well, rest, and care for the kid. She agreed, readily. That was what she was doing anyway.

From there, Clyde went straight to the BAU office, calling Hotch on his way.

"Meet me in your office," Clyde said.

Hotch hopefully asked, "Did you find something?"

"I think so. I'm on my way to speak with you in person and discuss my next move."

"I don't suppose you're looking for my approval," Hotch said.

"Of course not. I just want you to be aware in case things go wrong. Someone needs to take over."

"I'll be there shortly," Hotch agreed. "Try not to do anything reckless between now and then."

"Who? Me?" Clyde joked. "Relax. I can't do anything from here. We'll talk soon," he said, hanging up and making his way there with no more delay.

Hotch, who had been closer to Quantico than Clyde was, beat him here.

"Took you long enough."

"Yes, well, I was a bit further than originally anticipated."

"Dave's place isn't that far."

"No. It's not. Keeping tabs on my whereabouts Agent Hotchner?"

"Can't be too careful."

"Let's get down to business, shall we."

Hotch nodded and motioned for Clyde to sit and tell him whatever he had to tell. The Brit began by informing him about the potential witness.

"Really? And what did the authorities get from them? Enough to clear Emily?"

"The witness is scared to speak up. I'm going to head there and see what I can find. Maybe I can convince them to talk and offer safety."

"Or get yourself arrested," Hotch threw out there.

"Possibly. Hence me telling you this. Should that happen, someone must get to the truth. This person didn't speak up for a reason. I'm going to find out why and clear her name, and, by extension, mine as well."

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me something?"

"Don't you always have that feeling regarding me? You probably should," Clyde said with a smirk. "I've got a ticket booked and am on my way to London in the next few hours."

"Do what you need to do," Hotch encouraged.

Clyde nodded and, once again, reiterated that if things didn't go his way, someone needed to take over the job. Hotch promised he would. He was as determined as Clyde was to clear Emily and pave the way to getting her there with them, safe.

Before leaving, Clyde just said, "Tell Penelope that I'll have something for her when I get back and to take it easy until then."

"What will you have?"

"We'll see once I have it."

Hotch wasn't a big fan of Clyde's dramatics, but he knew the man brought results. Sometimes, ignorance was bliss. He felt that this was one of those times and simply wished the other man luck while asking to be kept informed.

Once Clyde left, Hotch didn't have much time to dwell on things. Spencer came in early, a bit more put together than he seemed the previous day.

"How are you, Reid?" Hotch asked.

"Good… Better. Thanks."

"Want to talk about yesterday?"

"Not really."

Hotch nodded. "Ok. Well, get your head in the game today. Alright?"

"I will."

"Good. The rest of the team should be here soon, and we'll start looking a little more into Emily and do our normal briefing."

"Actually, I have something."

"You do?"

"Yeah." He pulled the notebook from his bag. "I've looked over everything and worked out a more accurate timeline of events."

He passed Hotch the handwritten timeline that the older man eyed carefully. It was filled with altered, more detailed versions of what they already knew, and completely unknown things.

Forehead wrinkled, Hotch looked to Spencer and asked, "How did you come up with this?"

Spencer shrugged. "When I was here helping Garcia and Clyde, I went through Emily's last few weeks very meticulously and came up with this."

It did start that way, but most of the details he was able to correct because of what Emily told him, starting from months ago when there was mention of cases with one too many coincidences and ending with the attack in Paris and her extrication to Virginia to hide out in a secluded rental cabin. Of course, that last part was left out, but he knew it to be true.

Hotch wasn't sure that he was completely buying it, but if it helped, the how wasn't as important as the result. At least not in the moment. "Ok. We'll share this with the team once they get here. I have some news too."

"You do?" Spencer asked, wide eyed and hopeful.

"I'll fill you in when everyone gets here. Take me through this timeline."

Spencer did. He went through every detail as much as he could without giving his contact with Emily away. The team showed up midway through and gathered around to listen to the rest.

"How did you figure this?" Derek asked when they all arrived to learn about the timeline.

"I spent a lot of time combing through all we found on Emily and based on all of our last communications, this seems to be a more precise picture," he told them.

"This should be able to help us fill in the blanks a little. You even profiled what her potential moves in the blank spots were," JJ added.

"I can look into that," Penelope offered.

"Hold up on that," Hotch ordered. "I wanted to talk about something Clyde informed me of this morning."

Everyone gave Hotch their full attention as he began to explain exactly what Clyde told him.

"So, if it all goes well, Emily's name is cleared and the Bardolino family takes a hit," Penelope happily surmised.

"I don't think it's that easy, Baby Girl," Derek said.

"Yeah," JJ agreed.

Dave added, "The witness may, hopefully, give them reasonable doubt with Emily, best case clear her, but it's unlikely that they'll incriminate the Bardolinos. I think finding that tie and taking them down is going to be our responsibility."

"But…" Penelope looked over her friends' faces. "That means Emily's still not safe. She won't be on the lamb, but she still can't come out into the world much either."

"We know," Hotch consoled. "We're going to work on that… Together. We just have to see how things pan out and do our part in the meantime."

That was exactly how their day went. They put their heads together and scoured through every little thing they had on Emily, on the crime families, on anything, and looked for something to stand out. They weren't having the best of luck, but, thankfully, things seemed to go better in London.

As soon as his plane arrived, he met his contact in a covert rendezvous spot where he gathered all the intel he could. Clyde managed the where, what, and who of the situation. Turned out, the witness was the neighbor right next door from them. She was home that night, woken from her sleep.

"When they questioned her at first, she said she wasn't home, but the security footage from the victims' home showed her walking to her apartment around nine that evening and not leaving again until late the next day."

"And what has she said since she was told that they knew she was there?"

"Nothing. She refuses to speak. Seems afraid, I'd say."

"I want to talk to her," Clyde insisted. He knew that he could compel the woman to talk, not physically, but through an emotional plea. While his motives weren't one hundred percent altruistic, his intentions were to clear Emily's name, to give her that freedom, and to free him from investigation. His boss was already on him about the situation. He and Emily both tied up in this mess… It wasn't good. Even though he convinced the man to give him time to fix it and made him believe in their innocence, there was only so much leeway he could be given.

"You know that may be difficult. You can't intimidate a witness, nor should you be anywhere near the situation unless you want to be questioned yourself."

"I'd like to talk to her and then we'll see. If I have to be taken in, fine. I didn't do anything and there is absolutely no connection to me and the case unless you count that I know Emily."

The other man nodded and gave Clyde the name and address. Her name was Mathilda Calhoun and she was a recovering addict supporting a young child. Clyde could think of a multitude of ways that the goons could have threatened her to keep quiet. Now, it was about approaching her the right way and convincing her staying quiet would be worse than speaking up.

After thanking his contact, he made his way through town, opting to go to Emily's apartment first. Though his retrieval guy found everything exactly where Emily said they'd be, he wanted a quick look himself. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, because he did, but he wanted to see if anything was missed. They thought there was a mole in Interpol and one that tied Emily into his or her mess, so who was to say that Emily wasn't already on the radar before this and that was how they found her so quickly.

When he got there, the door was unlocked, the place was torn apart by the investigators, and looking around seemed almost pointless. But he had to anyway. He had to make sure for himself that there was nothing there. Had he known the place would be such a mess, he might have thought differently. Clyde trekked through it as much as he could before calling it. There was nothing to be found. He had what he needed, but it was clear to him that more people than investigators and his guy tossed the place.

Straight from there, he went to visit the neighbor, Mathilda. It was late in the evening already, approaching too late for an unexpected visit, but he saw that as the perfect time. It would catch her off guard and he'd be able to gage the situation a little better by her reaction.

Her orange-red hair looked unbrushed, there were bags under her eyes, and she appeared frightened.

"Mathilda Calhoun?"

"Who are you?" she timidly asked.

"My name is Clyde Easter. I'm an agent with Interpol. I'd like to speak with you for a moment. May I come in?"

She poked her head out of the door and peered around making sure no one was watching before quickly waving him in.

"Thank you," he said and walked in.

Wasting no time, he told her that he was aware that police think she may have witnessed something.

"I did not," she insisted.

Sighing, he went in for the hard sell. "There's a woman. Her name's Emily. She is taking care of your neighbors' son right now, and they're hiding from some terrible people. The same people, I imagine, that have threatened you."

"No one –"

He held a hand up to stop her from lying. "Don't. Emily is my friend. She had done nothing but help those men and that child. Now she's in hiding, scared for her life, for the child's life, and afraid of being wrongfully imprisoned for a crime we both know she has not committed."

Mathilda looked away ashamed.

"And you have the ability to help her and that boy who has already lost one of his fathers and may very well lose the other." He could see he was getting to her, but he hadn't quite sold her yet. "You have a kid, yes?" he asked.

She quietly answered, "Yes."

"Single parent?"

"Yes."

"Imagine, if you will, what your child would feel if the one person he or she had left was in jeopardy of being taken away from them for something she didn't do, leaving him all alone when there was someone who, with just a few honest words, could prevent that."

She was silent.

"Hurts to think about, does it not?"

Still, she said nothing.

"Think about what staying quiet is doing to them. That little boy has people after him. They're trying to get to him, and I'm willing to bet the same people have threatened you."

"I wasn't…" she insisted.

"Oh… So you're just a wretched person then? You wish to see people harmed?"

"What? No!"

"What did they say to you? Tell me what happened, and then I can help you."

"You can't help me," she harshly whispered. "They said they'd take my son. They'd take him just to keep him from me. To taunt me."

Clyde shook his head and put a friendly hand on her shoulder. "These men, they're cowards. They will continue to threaten you unless you speak out. If you tell the authorities what you know, clear my friend's name, I promise I will get you out of here. You and your son…"

"Caleb," she told him.

"You and Caleb can live a better life without the stress of being threatened."

"I don't know if I can do it…"

"Let's start small," he said and guided her to sit so that they could talk comfortably. "Just tell me what you know first. Be honest."

She nodded and began to tell him all she knew. The woman, Emily, she said, had been coming over often, sometimes not leaving for days. The walls were thin and, sometimes she could hear them laughing or talking. The family never left the flat except for the woman. She saw them once, when Emily was leaving. They looked happy.

"And the night of the attack?"

"Those poor men," she said. "I heard the woman leave with the child. Through my window, I could see them get into a car. It wasn't one I had seen before."

She began to explain how she heard a commotion outside her flat that sounded like someone banging on the door.

"They broke it down. I froze. Someone was breaking in and I was afraid. When I got myself together, I was about to phone the police, but it was too late."

"Too late?"

"There was someone at my door. I wasn't going to answer. I tried to head for the window, but somehow, the man was in my home. He grabbed me by my hair and told me keep my mouth shut. If I called the police or got involved at all, they would take my son and make me suffer. He tied me up with duct tape and told me he'd let me go if I followed the rules. I could hear the screaming from their flat… I don't know how everyone didn't hear it."

Her eyes looked far away as she relived it. Clyde tried to keep her present and asked where her son was that night.

"At a mate's home, thankfully."

Clyde asked for as much detail about that night as possible before offering one more plea for her to go to the police. He offered her protection, to help her disappear after… whatever she wanted. It took some convincing, but, eventually, she agreed.

All that she shared with him, she told the police the next morning. He was relieved and called Hotch to let him know right away. The news passed through the team quickly and, for the first time, it felt like they were making progress; real progress. In a matter of days, Emily and the entire team would be in contact, but that definitely didn't mean things were better, just that Emily was no longer wanted for assault and murder.


	16. Team Efforts

_The moment you've all been waiting for… one of them… kind of… You'll see._

**Chapter 16: Team Efforts**

Emily was the last to hear of her freedom from pending prosecution. Mostly, that was because she wasn't free and wasn't completely off the hook until the London law enforcement found the men who actually killed Vince and attacked James. In the meantime, she was still very much a prisoner in her own home, so to speak. The cabin was nice and being with Nate made it more home-like, but it wasn't her home. Nor was it Nate's.

She and Nate had a routine, and they got out of the house a little. By out of the house, of course, it was only the yard, but it counted. It was enough because it had to be. Nate was still depressed. And, despite doing her best to raise his spirits, Emily knew that the only thing that would help settle Nate would be to see James. Honestly, that was what Emily wanted too. She wanted to be there with James and urge him through recovery. She needed to see him to know how bad it really was. She needed to know if there was room for hope or not, and she needed to know how to present the situation to Nate further: whether she needed to prepare him as much as she could for another death or share the hope with him.

So, she was antsy, but when she learned that a witness came forward, she was beyond thrilled. It was a step in the right direction. It gave her more motivation to solve the puzzle she started to unravel back in London. All she needed was her computer… or her team.

"They're not your team," she reminded herself. "But they are family."

The family part was more important. Teams, they could come and go, but family was a forever thing, and she knew that this group of people would support her and help her however they could. While she worried about the potential risks of telling them all where she was, Emily also knew that she needed them. She had been alone with the situation enough and now it was time to reach out. Well, almost time. She wanted to wait for Clyde to return. That was her safest way to reach out. There was a backdoor program on her computer. Once Penelope began hacking her system, she'd know and communicate with them through the shell program she installed.

That was the best and safest option that gave her the best of both worlds. It would allow her to talk with the people she so desperately wanted to connect with while keeping Nate and herself safe. It couldn't be traced or intercepted. Now she had to wait. In the meantime, she had Nate to occupy her mind.

"Hey Nate. Ready for lunch?"

He shook his head.

"What's wrong?"

"I want my dad, Emily. Why can't we go see him?"

Emily's shoulders sagged as she sat beside him, best she could, on the floor.

"My friend is in London right now," she told him as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "He promised he'd check in on your father. I know that's not the same, but I'll get an update on how he's doing, and I will tell you what I learn." She sighed. "I miss him too."

"I'm gonna see him soon, right?"

"As soon as I can get you to him, you'll see him."

He took that as an affirmative answer, and Emily was happy that she got away with that one, but she knew it wouldn't be the end. He'd ask again soon, and she wanted to be able to finally say something different.

"I'm bored. Can we at least go somewhere?"

"And do what?"

"And play," he said.

Trying to reason, she said, "Nate, we can play here."

"But I don't want to," he yelled.

"You're going through something tough, so I'm not going to get upset about your attitude, but that doesn't mean you can act out. Stay here, relax and calm down. When you're ready, come find me."

With that, she pushed herself off the ground and carefully hobbled away.

She had been trying her best, but she knew it wasn't enough. Again, the one thing he needed was reassurance, but not from her. She gave him all she could, but he needed his dad. She had to find a way to bring Nate and James together. Until then, she had to distract him somehow.

As Nate took a little time to mope and contemplate running away to London to be with his dad, Emily was downstairs working on a little project for him. Emily gathered everything she needed from around the house and threw it onto the den's floor. She looked at all she collected, and, with a sigh, got to work.

She had been at it for about an hour before she heard Nate try to sneak up on her.

"What are you doing in there?" he asked, standing at the edge of a linen tent under which Emily was maneuvering about.

"Building," she responded, not stopping her movements.

"Why?"

He received no response, so he stepped under the sheet opening and came in.

"No entering unless you help build," Emily told him, holding her hand up telling him to stop. "Build or watch from out there."

"What is it?"

"It's the makings of a fort, Nate."

"Are you making it to play in?"

"Come sit with me here," Emily responded, lowering her body onto a pillow seat she made deep in the middle of the budding fort.

When he sat down, after examining the surroundings, he asked her again what she was building.

"It's a fort," she repeated.

"But for what?"

"I'm going to tell you a story, Nate. Ok?"

"Ok," he agreed.

"When I was a kid, just about your age, actually, my dad got very sick."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"What was wrong with him?"

"He had cancer," she told him. "Pancreatic cancer."

"What's that?"

"It's a disease, a very bad one that attacks inside the body."

"Oh…"

"My dad became very, very sick and spent a lot of time in the hospital or in bed. Sometimes, he was there for weeks at a time."

"The doctors couldn't make him better?"

"They tried. They gave him medicine, but that made him sick too." She took a deep breath. "And it was so hard to see him like that. I tried everything to make him feel better."

"Like what?"

"I drew him pictures, tried to hug him and kiss him until he was better… I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could thinking I could make everything alright again."

"Did you?"

"I don't know. Yes… and no."

"I don't get it. How could you help and not help?"

"I helped my dad and myself feel better, but I didn't actually help the cancer."

"I still don't get it."

"There were some days when my dad's medicine made him so sick that he could barely get out of bed or do anything. I didn't understand that, so I wanted to be with him and play with him. I knew he wanted to play with me too, but he didn't feel very well, so I tried to do something special."

"What did you do?"

"Well, I built a fort just like this one. He was sleeping in the guest room on the bottom floor of the house because stairs were too much for him while he was getting chemo – the medicine – and so I took all the extra blankets and sheets and pillows from around the house and brought them into the room while he was resting."

"But why?"

"My room was all the way upstairs in the far end of the house. My dad could never get there to tuck me in and he couldn't come out into the tree house in the backyard anymore either, so I wanted to have a fort inside that was just for the two of us."

"Not your mommy too?"

"No. My mom wasn't a fort person, but they made me feel safe. Both my parents travelled a lot and sometimes I didn't get to go with them, so my dad built me the tree fort in the back yard, and that was where he'd always find me when he came home. I wanted him to feel safe and happy, just like I did in my fort, so I wanted to give him a fort like mine."

"Did he like it?"

Emily smiled at the memory. "He loved it." Emily could still remember her father's reaction. It was one of her memories she hoped would never leave her.

She remembered tripping on the sheet train as she held a pile so big she couldn't see in front of her. Emily snuck into her father's room while staff was away and got right to work. The ceilings were high, and she was small, but young Emily was determined to do it and make it amazing. She remembered standing on top of chairs and the desk, throwing sheets over floor lamps and making a tower of pillows in the middle. Emily built it as high as she could as sturdily as she could, and as fun looking as it could be.

After that, she sat in there waiting for her dad to wake up. In her child mind, it took forever, but she remained there eager and excited. When he did wake, he was surprised by the monstrosity in his room. It took him a minute, but he saw Emily's head sticking out, what he thought to be, the door and immediately smiled. Emily was so excited that she ran to his bed, jumping in beside him, and telling him all about the construction project. It looked a mess, but he was proud to see what his little girl built for him.

Even as a child, Emily had an uncanny ability to read the emotions of the adults in her life. She could see on her father's face how much he liked it. The way he ran his weak hand through her hair comforted her in ways she couldn't understand then, but what she did know was how much her dad loved her. They spent hours playing there. She helped her dad walk into the tent fort and sit on the throne she made for him, and they played for the rest of the day. He was the king, and she was the servant ready and willing to do anything for him.

What Emily remembered most, however, was the feeling of safety and comfort that she got from being in there with him. Her mother insisted they take it down, but her father made sure it stayed up. That became her safe place after he died. That was where she ran to when she wanted to feel her feelings alone, when she wanted to make sure her mother wouldn't bother her, or the nanny couldn't find her.

So now, building this one for Nate, she hoped to give him those same feelings. She wanted to get him involved and offer him a safe place to be that might allow him to feel connected to her and his father at the same time.

"Being in the fort always made me feel happy and connected with my dad when I missed him. I know you're missing your dads and I can't bring you together right now, but I thought we could use the fort as a safe place for you to say goodbye to Vince and feel close to James."

"I really want to see him."

"I know. I do too. It still doesn't mean much, but I am working on it, Nate."

He silently nodded and peered around the fort. "Can we make it more than one room?"

Emily, feeling Nate relax and get into the project, smiled and said, "Anything you want, we can try. No guarantees that anything we build stands the test of actual use, though."

"Cool."

Destructing it sounded just as fun as building it, Nate thought.

Nate became happily involved in the project, working with Emily to customize his fort. He was having fun and Emily was prideful that her plan for distraction seemed to be working for them both. They ignored the problems and worries that surrounded them and, instead, focused on making the most awesome fort they could. By the time they were finished, both were exhausted.

Lying down in one of the rooms on a pillow couch, Nate looked out of the window into the star filled, dark sky. "This is pretty cool, Emily."

"Yeah? I'm glad you think so. I loved doing this as a kid."

"Can we keep it up?"

"We can. For as long as we're here."

"Awesome."

He kept staring at the stars, Emily noticed, and she moved closer to share his view.

"Did your dad ever tell you about stars and constellations?" Emily asked him.

"Nuh uh."

"Really?"

He shook his head.

"Then I guess that leaves it to me."

Emily pulled him in with the science behind a star before getting into the more mythical sounding stories about constellations, even pointing one out that they could see in the sky right then and there. He asked questions and Emily was all too eager to answer them. It felt, for a while, that Nate was understanding that it was ok to feel sad and miss both of his fathers, but that he couldn't let that pain control him. That was something Emily wanted him to get, and, thankfully, Nate asked a question that helped her circle back to her own experiences on that point.

"How do you know so much about stars, Emily?"

"My dad," she told him. "In my tree fort, he put a telescope and we would look at the stars and planets whenever we could. He told me all the same stories that I'm telling you."

"He sounds like a good daddy," Nath thoughtfully said.

"He was the best, and I miss him every day."

Nate related to that. It hadn't been long since he had seen his dads, but he missed them both so much.

"Am I going to miss my dads forever?"

"I don't know, Nate. What I do know is that your dads love you so much. Vince, he may be gone, but a piece of him will always be with you, just like my dad will always be with me."

"How?"

"Well, for me, when I miss him a lot, I always look at the stars. That was something we did together and will always remind me of him. When I do it, like I am right now with you, it makes me happy because I feel like he's here with us."

"I don't want my dad to be dead. I don't want to miss him. I want him with me forever."

Emily laid closer to him, putting her arm around his shoulders and holding him. She said nothing, just let him express his feelings. Vince was dead, and he would have to grieve that loss as well as the conflicting feelings of hope and loss with James. It wasn't something that just disappeared.

"Will you tell me more about your dad and the stars?"

"Of course," she promised and began another constellation story.

Nate started to feel what Emily was talking about. Even though his dads didn't often tell him about stars or sky gaze with him, he remembered lying in their backyard once and looking at the clouds with his fathers. They stayed there for hours looking up, just like he was then with Emily, and picked out shapes in the clouds. So, being there, learning from and listening to Emily did make him feel closer to his dads. And the fort made him feel protected from the sadness. It was nice for them.

They were starting to fall asleep in there when Emily received a message on her burner phone. Clyde was back in DC and heading to the BAU.

_We're going to get this mess cleared up, _he wrote to her.

She believed him, and his arrival meant it was time for her to make the next move. With Nate fast asleep, she slipped her arm out from under him and moved to find one of the other burner phones. She needed to set up to be ready. Garcia, she was sure, wouldn't waste any time once her computer was in her very capable hands.

The team had been waiting all day for Clyde to come back. Since they got his message about the witness and then the call that he got the witness to talk, all of them had been trying to focus on the next step: finding Emily and bringing her to them. Of course, there were many less productive hours in between when each of them was on the edge of their seats waiting for news.

Something else they were very aware of was that they knew, wherever Emily was, if she didn't want to be found, they wouldn't find her. So, they were looking for minute, little breadcrumbs that she might have dropped along the way. From the moment they were able to shift all their focus to locating Emily, Spencer had felt uncomfortable. Even though he was just doing what Emily asked by keeping her whereabouts to himself, he wasn't sure it was the right thing. Keeping it from everyone else wasn't good.

He was being distant and keeping out of conversations as best he could without raising suspicions. It seemed to work for a while. He sat at his desk, flipping through random files, while his eyes were drawn to the burner phone in his bag. It was like he was willing it to ring. It didn't… Maybe that was what was bothering him most. Since he saw her a few days prior, there had only been one more exchange between them, and all it was only a brief text swap. It wasn't comforting. It wasn't enough.

But there they were, ready to search down every corner of the earth to find her, and he knew where she was. Sure, he was worried; just like the rest of them, but he at least had the comfort of seeing for himself that she was ok… relatively. They had no idea, though. The only facts they had were that Emily and Nate were hurt in an intentional car crash and then some crazy guy attacked Emily. The perps were bold and reckless. That didn't bode well for Emily and added to the worry.

Spencer found it hard to listen to his friends theorize. Hotch spent a lot of the day in his office with Dave. The two were talking with Clyde and then London law enforcement trying to completely clear up everything and potentially get them involved with the search for the true assailants. That left the rest of the team to come up with ideas about where Emily could have headed and where they should look.

They were able to come up with many plausible theories, but there was something that they were all trying not to think about.

"All this is good and great," JJ started, "But we also have to consider that she's traveling with a child."

"And that she's hurt," Penelope glumly added.

Derek responded, "We don't know how bad either."

"We know she was able to walk out of the hospital on her own. That's good, right?" Penelope hoped.

"Sure, it's good. But with adrenaline and the fight or flight urges running through her, she could have just been in overdrive. You know, running on instincts and not feeling the pain."

The conversation continued like that, a back and forth pondering the extent of Emily's injuries, Nate's potential injuries, and where it could lead them.

"Well," Penelope said, "We know that there was that pilot connected to Ambassador Prentiss that took off, presumably for Paris. I looked at airspace around the area."

"And did you find anything?" JJ hopefully asked.

"Given the approximate departure time and factoring in other things, I found five different spots that planes matching the one we know the pilot used landed within our timeframe."

"How do you know that? I thought there wasn't a flight plan."

"There wasn't, but if he wasn't filing a flight plan or sent out a bogus one, then he wasn't going to use public or mainstream places."

"Ok… Knowing she's injured, we can probably factor out some of the further spots, can't we?"

"What do you think, Reid?" Penelope asked. "How far can she have gotten?"

In the background, Spencer was fiddling with the star puzzle Emily gave him a long time ago. He knew exactly where the plane took her and exactly where she was, and that weighed heavily on him. Lost in his own worries and thoughts, he tuned out most of what they were saying and didn't even hear them calling his name.

"Spence? Hey! Spencer," JJ called.

"What?" He snapped back into reality.

"Where are our Reid facts? Do you think it's possible for her to make it that far?"

"I don't know… Maybe."

"Really? That's it?" Derek hissed. The pretty boy was the brains of their operation and, it seemed, when they needed him, he was jumping ship. "No mathematical computations or pertinent statistics? Nothing of substance?" He continued to push.

Allowing Derek's baiting to get to him, without fully thinking about what he was saying, Spencer responded, "With a torn ACL, she's in pain and semi-mobile. She'd be able to walk, but would experience discomfort, especially if she didn't have crutches. Nate wouldn't be a problem. His arm was broken, but otherwise he is fine. She'd have no problem getting to any plane because she's Emily and she'd come here… So that she could eventually come to us. None of that should be a question."

"Hold up," Derek said, everyone's eyes narrowed on Spencer.

"How do you know she has an ACL injury?" JJ inquired.

Penelope met his squirrelly gaze and asked, "Or about Nathaniel's arm? And you're calling him Nate now?"

"I… ugh…" He stumbled for the right words, torn between keeping the secret and lying to his friends or just coming clean.

Fortunately for him, Clyde had been hanging back and watching it play out, waiting for the right moment to step in. He picked the perfect time, in Spencer's mind.

"I think I can answer some of your questions, and I've a little present for you Penelope," Clyde said, moving closer with the computer bag held out. "Special delivery straight from London."

"We're not done with this, Reid," Derek hissed, everyone sharing the sentiment.

There was no question in Spencer's voice as he "theorized." He knew Emily was close by. They all assumed she would end up back in the states, but they didn't think it would be Reid that confirmed it for them. They were thinking more a surveillance picture from outside a nearby landing strip or Elizabeth giving in and helping solve the issue. But Spencer Reid… Nope.

That couldn't be their main concern yet. Clyde brought them something that required their immediate attention.

"Her computer?" Penelope asked.

"Indeed. It's highly encrypted and she said you'd know how to break it." He told her exactly what Emily told him.

Penelope was so excited by the challenge and the prospect of finally making a break, that she didn't even pick up on the obvious, but that didn't mean everyone else missed it too.

"How do you know that?"

Clyde smiled and moved his gaze up, first to Derek who asked the question and then over to Spencer. "I just know things," he answered. It was in a way that let Spencer know exactly how he knew. "A little birdie left me a trail to follow."

Spy games… They didn't have it in them to ask for more. They learned long ago that Emily and Clyde had a unique relationship, and it was best not to try to dissect it. It was obvious that, somehow, Emily left him clues. Figuring out the how wasn't as important as following the trail.

With everyone distracted, Clyde moseyed over to Spencer. "Emily says hello, by the way," Clyde whispered into the genius' ear.

"You followed me?"

"You didn't realize I was?" It came out chiding. "You have to be more careful."

"I thought I was being careful."

"Not enough."

Their hushed conversation was broken up when Hotch and Rossi returned. They immediately jumped into conversation with Clyde. Derek and JJ took the chance to confront Reid. Penelope said it would take time to get into the computer, so now was the time to find out what else the boy knew. As much as they wanted to hear what Clyde had to say, they thought they could get just as much from the genius.

"So, Spence…" JJ began the interrogation. "How do you know about Emily?"

"I… I don't know what you mean."

"No, no, you don't get to do that, Pretty Boy."

"What do you know Spence?"

"And how do you know it?"

He tried to hold his own, but JJ and Derek were his friends. The conflicted thoughts weren't helping the situation.

"I… she… I…"

"Spit it out," Derek said a little too loudly, garnering everyone's attention.

Hotch, seeing the commotion, stopped what he was doing and went over to the three. "Hey. What's going on here?"

"You should be asking the boy genius here. He knows something that he's not telling."

"Like what?"

"Like where Emily is and how badly she was hurt in the crash."

He didn't know where to start, so Hotch asked, "How badly was she hurt?"

"She's fully mobile," Clyde cut in, feeling for the younger man. He could take the heat, but maybe Reid couldn't. "Hurt her knee, but she's healing quite nicely. So is the child."

"You've met with her," Dave surmised. "When?"

"Right before leaving. That's how I knew about the computer and how to access it."

"You know where she is. Tell us," Derek demanded, switching focus from Reid to Clyde.

"That's not how this works. I know things and I share them in time. In Emily's time."

A conflict ensued. Angry, Derek grabbed Clyde by the collar and demanded that he tell them where she was. It was a matter of her safety, he claimed, and they deserved to know. Clyde defended himself and didn't even flinch at Derek's actions. He simply said that Emily would reach out when she was ready, not before. He also noted that a mole could easily have eyes around them too.

"That's not good enough. You and Reid know something. We should be in on it too."

"He's right," Hotch interjected. "How else can we help her?"

While the physical aspect of the confrontation was over just as soon as it began, the back and forth with raised voices continued. That didn't last long either. It seemed like everyone was talking all at once, asking questions and hurling accusations. Meanwhile, Penelope was on the outside trying to be more productive about things.

"Guys… Hello? Guys!"

"What?" Derek hissed at her, everyone finally quieting enough to hear her.

"Someone's trying to contact me through the computer. I think it's Emily."

"Emily?"

"Well, it is her computer. That would make the most sense."

"How do you know she's trying to make contact?"

"Um… Because I'm Penelope Garcia," she said, matter-of-factly. "Look, I'm not going to get into the details behind it, but let's just say that Emily has upped her spy game. She has a shell program installed. The only reason I spotted it is because I was looking for anything and everything in her computer. There's a message from her."

"What does it say?" JJ asked.

"Well, come see for yourself."

Everyone began crowding around the computer and Penelope began clicking at the keys. A mechanical voice relayed Emily's written message.

"I knew you'd find it, PG," the robot translated.

"Of course I did," Penelope said aloud and then typed it back to Emily. Emily set up the initial message as a preset response. Once Garcia found it, Emily's message would be sent and alert both them.

"Ask her where she is since no one here will tell us," Dave added.

Hotch added, "Ask her if she's ok. How's she doing?"

"I'm going to do it all, guys. Give her a second to respond."

Emily did respond, the mechanical voice saying, "I'm sorry you are all involved in this now. Is everyone around?"

"Yes."

There was a short delay in response before Emily said, "Answer the phone. No tracing."

Garcia was about to type, what phone, but a ringing sounded from Reid's bag.

"Where is that?" Hotch asked and began searching.

Guiltily, Spencer stumbled toward his desk, knocking over his bag in the process. When he did, everything scattered onto the floor, including the phone.

"Someone answer it!" JJ yelled.

Spencer ran to quickly pick up the phone. "Emily, you're on speaker. We're all here," he managed to squeak out, ignoring everyone's glare.

"Hi," she said coolly. "How's everyone doing?"

"Us? How are we doing? How are _you_ doing?" Penelope asked.

"I'm… I'm ok. I've been better. I know you've all learned about what's going on and what happened in Paris. I promise, I'm just a little banged up. Hurt, but nothing that won't heal. Nate has a broken arm, but he's more worried about his dad." Emily was trying to be as forthcoming as possible, anticipating a lot of their questions.

Penelope sighed and typed, "Dominic, aka Vincent, has died. James is still labeled in critical condition."

"I know," Emily responded. Unfortunately, that was the same update Clyde gave her earlier. James was doing better in the sense that he was more stable, but the doctors were still worried. His vitals still weren't where they should be, and he hadn't responded to tests the way they hoped. "Let's focus on the matter at hand." Her words were laced with emotion as she fought not to think about the loss.

Penelope and the team continued to talk with Emily. They informed Emily that Garcia was able to start the decryption process and worked her way through the files she was able to access. Emily told her what they would be looking at and looking for.

"I don't want to stay on the line too long. I have no idea what Bardolino's men are capable of, but I do know what my guys at Interpol are, so I can't risk anything. I mapped out some of my cases that I think are connected. I've told Clyde, so he can fill you in and help get the Interpol files. I think that will weed out the mole."

"Any clues?" Dave asked.

"Maybe, but I'm too close to it. I want to see what conclusions you draw first."

They were ok with that logic and went on to discuss the far-reaching potential of this case.

"If I'm right, this goes much deeper than I initially thought. I've felt something off about my last few cases. Look into those too, especially any connected to the last one."

JJ was quick to ask, "What was the last case?"

"Better yet, what happened?" Hotch questioned.

"We lost an agent… Just look into it. I… I have to go."

"Wait!" Garcia yelled. Emily was silent on the other end. "Emily?" Garcia tried.

"Yeah?"

"It's really good to hear your voice."

"Yours too, PG."

Emily didn't give anyone else a chance to talk, simply hanging up.

Though there was clear anger toward Reid and Clyde for their omissions, everyone put that aside so that they could work together. It was like they were falling down the rabbit hole once they were able to go through Emily's files.

"This is crazy."

"Can they all really be connected?"

"Who are our best mole suspects? Emily already ruled out our first guesses…"

Those were just some of the many questions left at the end of the day. Once night fell, they were all exhausted and only just begun going through everything. There was so much to do. But, finally having some peace of mind after hearing from Emily, they were ok with letting the computers do their thing while they called it a night. Emily was safe for now and they would work to take down the Bardolinos together.

Not all of their questions were answered. In fact, not one thing about Nate was even touched, but that would wait. It would have to. They had a job to do and needed rest to do it.


	17. Moles

**Chapter 17: Moles**

After talking with the team, Emily had work of her own to take care of. Now that she was able to give them all the information she had and was allowing them to run with it since she didn't have the technology to do it herself, she could focus on her other must-do item.

She left the couch and went to check on Nate. He was still in bed – still in the tent sleeping comfortably. Emily temporarily thought that she should wake him and urge him up to bed, but he looked so adorable and cozy.

"He'll be fine," she told herself and moved into the kitchen.

Emily went through her stockpile of burner phones, pulling out a new one and calling the number for her mother's.

"I've been waiting for a call," her mother picked up the phone, "What took so long?"

"That's how you answer the phone, Mother? I could swear you teaching me phone etiquette."

"Emily! Why has it taken so long to get in touch?"

"I've been… busy. But I'm calling now."

"Is everything ok, dear?"

"As ok as things can be, but I may need your help with something."

"What can I do?"

Emily explained exactly what she needed. "I know it may be expensive, but I have the money to pay you back."

"That's unnecessary."

Emily adamantly stated, "Well, I will pay you back. This is my problem."

"Your problems are mine, Emily. You are my daughter."

Emily read the silent words behind what was said. _You're my daughter, I love you, and, despite everything that has pushed us apart in the past, I'd do anything I could to help you now._

"Thank you," Emily said.

"Are you sure this is safe though? For all of you? Given the circumstances, of which I'm sure there's more to than you've told me."

"I don't know," Emily honestly told her. "But it's what needs to be done."

"Ok. I'll make the arrangements as soon as we hang up," Elizabeth assured her daughter.

"Call me at this number from your burn phone once everything is set."

"I will."

"Thanks again, Mom."

"Of course, Dear. Tell Nate I say hello and don't forget to take care of yourself too. You're not invincible."

"Believe me, I know."

Emily was relieved that there was one major thing crossed off her to-do list. She wasn't the only one making big steps.

With Emily's computer, the team was able to see the closed loop security footage from the system set up at the Hadley apartment. That gave them better access to everything. There was no sound except for at the door camera, but they were able to see inside as well.

The team broke into task groups. Garcia was in charge of all things computer related. She had to break down everything Emily set up for her and make the connections that only she could. The work was started, but there was a whole lot there to sift through and make concrete.

Clyde, Derek and Hotch oversaw the files about Bardolino, while JJ, Reid, and Dave looked through close business associates and family. Hotch and Clyde called their connections to get the unredacted files about Bardolino from Interpol, the CIA, and whatever other law enforcement agency whose radar he might have been on; him or his associates.

They were surprised at the sheer volume of it all. It was extensive. By the end of the day, they were determined to have something figured out. Just because they knew Emily and Nate were safe for now, didn't mean that they would remain that way.

Bardolino was worse than they could have predicted and, though suspected of many, many crimes over the years, had never been prosecuted or even arrested. The evidence was nonexistent. The guy was good… But no one was that good without help.

"Human trafficking, drugs, weapons… Is there anything this family isn't involved in?" Derek asked.

"I don't know," Hotch responded, a thick knot in his stomach.

This only added to the already fretted feeling about Emily and Nate's wellbeing. Emily may not have been the original target, but now she was on their radar for sure. Not only was she standing in the way of Bardolino getting his only heir to the family throne, but she was also a high value target. If he got his hands on Emily, he was worried less about him killing her and more about the alternatives. Bardolino was allegedly involved in a lot of black-market stuff… He could easily sell Emily to the highest bidder and let them take care of her for him. As a federal agent with a lot of classified knowledge, she'd fetch a pretty penny and whoever bought her would do whatever it took to learn what she knew.

It was… unsettling to say the least.

Hotch needed a break. He had been getting into Bardolino's head and trying to think as he did, but it was getting to him. Plus, there was something on his mind.

"Derek, join JJ and keep looking through this."

"Sure. What are you going to do?"

"I need to have a little chat with Reid."

Derek snickered and grabbed the files, silently walking toward the rest of the team. He wanted to talk to Reid about his omissions as well, but he'd let the boss take care of that.

"Reid, my office," Hotch said as he stepped out into the bullpen.

Spencer looked around nervously before getting up to follow his boss.

"We need to discuss a few things."

"About Emily?" Spencer asked.

"Yes. About Emily and why you didn't tell us."

"She asked me not to, Hotch. She wanted to reach out when she was ready."

"How did you know how to find her?"

"Well… She… She reached out to me. She assumed we all knew by now and wanted to find out what we knew."

"How did she reach out. Her methods are important. We need to know if she could have been traced." He knew Emily, and he knew that was unlikely, but Hotch still wanted all the details whether he thought they were important or not.

"She sent me a package. No return address. It was a book that referenced a movie that only we liked and could understand," he explained, going into the specifics. "I was able to decipher the message she left and communicated with a burner phone that we used earlier. With that, she gave me specific and roundabout directions on how to get to her."

"You've actually seen her, not just talked with her?"

"Yes."

"What did you tell her when you saw her?"

"Everything."

"And what did she tell you?"

"I shared everything that she told me," he lied. There was one, rather big, thing he was leaving out. But that wasn't truly relevant to the case. The only thing that would tell them was Emily would be willing to lay down her life for Nate. She would have done that whether he was her son or not.

"The timeline you figured out. That came from her?"

"From talking with her, yes."

"What else did she say?"

"Really, there wasn't much to say. I asked her if she recognized the people who attacked James and Dominic. She didn't. I asked about the car crash and her attack. She assured me that she was ok. Her ACL was torn and that will require surgery eventually, but she was seen by a doctor here in the states and he said she was alright. She's supposed to go easy on the leg and relax."

"Which we know she's probably not," Hotch thought.

"And Nate was there too. I saw him. He's a smart kid. He broke his arm, but other than that, nothing was physically wrong."

"Mentally?"

"He misses his dads, but Emily's taking good care of him. He appeared to be as happy as he could be given the circumstances. A little worried and claustrophobic, but he was making the most of it."

"And Emily?" That was the real question, wasn't it? Was she in the same state of mind as she was with Doyle?

Spencer sighed, knowing what Hotch was truly asking, and honestly said, "She's sad after losing her friend and determined to figure this out, but I think having Nate with her is doing her a world of good."

"Do I need to be worried?"

"About her? No more than we all are."

"I suppose her reaching out to her mother shows that this isn't like last time. She's not being a lone wolf on the hunt."

"No… She's not."

"But that doesn't negate the fact that she reached out to you too and you neglected to inform us."

"I… I couldn't."

"You had a responsibility to this team and to Emily's safety to tell us that you talked with her and knew where she was."

"I had a responsibility to my friend, who is not part of this team, to do what she asked. I got whatever I could from her, asked the same questions any one of us would have asked, and knowing where she was wouldn't have done anything."

"It would have given us some peace of mind. We could have put people there to guard her."

He couldn't deny that. The devil's advocate in his mind told him that too. "And attract attention to her? Even so, I needed to do as she asked so that she would reach out again if she needed to."

"I don't appreciate being kept from vital information, Reid. Even if we didn't act on it, knowing where she is could be important." He leaned back in his chair, eyes narrowed as he focused on the younger man. "You're not going to tell me where she is, are you?"

Spencer hesitated and squeakily answered, "No, sir."

"I'll have to respect that. But if she reaches out to you again, you tell us right away. Any information is pertinent to keeping her and that child safe. No more leaving us out. We are a team. We support each other and take care of our own. That doesn't work if we can't trust one another."

"You can trust me," he promised.

"I hope so. Get back to work," Hotch dismissed him. "Leave your burner out in case she calls again."

Spencer nodded and walked away with his tail between his legs. Despite no yelling, it felt like he was being scolded by his father. There was a sense of disappointment which was worse than anger. It didn't matter. He did what he did; what he had to do. He would do it again.

Hotch remained in his office a little longer. He couldn't help the feeling that Spencer was holding something back. He wasn't sure if it was strictly case related, something about Emily, or just something personal, but there was something the genius wasn't saying. It wasn't a problem he could solve right away, though, so he collected his thoughts, and got back to work.

Meanwhile, as the team was working hard uncovering the unsavory details about Bardolino and his obvious corruption, Emily and her mother were making progress on their end.

About two hours after Emily and her mother talked, Elizabeth called back.

"What do you have for me?" Emily asked.

Elizabeth responded, "I spoke to several of my contacts and have come up with some options."

"Lay them on me."

"A friend of Dr. Northup's living in London has privileges at the hospital James is at. I had him look at the scans and all the test results."

"What did he say?"

"I wish I understood it all, Emily, but all I really got was that he's too unstable to travel. His head injury is making it hard for his body to self-regulate. Something like that. Until that's under control, he doesn't recommend moving him."

"But we could, right?"

"Yes. He says that with the right medical personnel and equipment, they could, hypothetically, move him safely in a few days."

"I need him here, Mom. Nate needs to see him… Whether he makes it out of this just fine or if… if he dies… Nate needs to be able to say that he saw him, that he was with him, and maybe have some kind of closure if it comes to that." She wasn't stupid. She was aware of the gravity of his condition. It wasn't good. Not all hope was lost, but they were just hanging on to it.

"Well, Dr. Malkin said that it could take a few days to get everything needed for transportation, and he'd be willing to come along, as long as James is stable by the time they were ready to go."

"And if he's not?"

"Then travelling with him even a short distance could kill him."

"I thought you said there were options here, mom? All I'm hearing is that we have to wait."

Elizabeth continued to explain all that she was told, laying out the actual options to Emily. None of them really comforted her.

"But Dr. Malkin is confident that James will be stable."

"Then I guess we should wait. Will you have transportation ready in a week?"

"Yes. We'll use the same pilot as before, but I'll have a medical staff on board as well as the equipment installed, but Emily, we need somewhere to take him."

"I know. Let me handle that part. I have an idea. You just take care of the logistics."

"All the wheels are in motion. The rest is up to you and James."

"I know…" Emily took a deep breath. She just wanted him to be safe.

"The doctor said he is doing better since last night. He's not stable enough yet, but he's not critical anymore."

"That's good."

"He'll fight, Emily."

"He always has."

"And he has you in his corner as well as a little boy pulling for him."

"He does. I just… I want him nearby."

"He will be. Soon."

"I hope so. Nate needs this." She needed to figure this out for him and for herself.

"I think you do too. Listen, I will continue to get everything we need ready and keep in contact with Dr. Malkin. You do whatever it is you are going to do, and we'll keep in contact. I expect updates, Emily. No more days in between talking. Worrying about you has already added grays. I'm going to be paying my stylist double for a dye job."

"You're being dramatic."

"It must be a family trait then."

Elizabeth lightened the conversation and asked about Nate and about how they were feeling. She offered to have Dr. Northup stop by again if needed. Emily assured her they were fine and that she talked with Dr. Northup on her own.

"I'd love to talk more, Mom, but I'm not comfortable staying on the line long. We'll talk again tomorrow. Alright?"

"Alright, Dear. Be safe."

"You too, Mom. Bye."

Emily hung up the phone and tossed it unto the table near her.

"Nate," she called. "Can you come here for a moment?"

His little feet ran toward her.

"Hi."

"Hey, kid. What were you doing?"

"Nothing," he said guiltily.

"Nothing, huh? And what does nothing entail?"

"What?" he questioned.

"What does doing nothing mean?" she reiterated.

"Um…"

"Nate?" She leaned forward. "What were you doing?"

"It's a surprise."

_Uh oh… _"What kind of surprise?"

"A good one?"

"Nate…"

"Come with me. I'll show you."

Emily nervously stood and slowly followed Nate upstairs and to the playroom. There were art supplies everywhere, papers tossed about the floor. It was a mess.

"What?" she gulped. "What's all this?"

"I made you something. Look."

Nate took her hand and pulled her, gently, toward the play table where the art supplies were most concentrated.

"Here!" Nate grabbed one of the papers from the ground. "It's all dry now. And it's for you."

"For me?" Emily happily asked.

"Uh huh. Look. It's just like the picture Daddy had in my room. I wanted you to have it." Emily felt tears in her eyes. Clyde had yet to bring her the box with all her Nate related things. That same picture was in there.

"Wow. I love it so much, Nate. You did such an awesome job."

"Really?"

"Definitely. I'm going to put it somewhere I can look at it all the time."

He hugged her, and she returned it whole-heartedly. When they released, she took another look at the painting and smiled before carefully bending as much as she could to his level and asking, "What are the other pictures?"

"This one's not done yet," he said, watching over the half-finished painting protectively. He quietly added, "This is for my dad. I have to finish it so I can give it to him when I see him."

"That's very thoughtful, Nate."

"He must be very sad like me because my other dad is in heaven."

"He is," Emily agreed. There was no doubt in her mind that James had witnessed at least part of the abuse and felt the loss of his partner.

"I don't want him to be sad. I don't want any of us to be sad, so maybe this will make him be happy."

"I know it would. He'll love it."

"Am I going to be able to give it to him?"

Emily sniffled and wiped away the stray tear. "Actually, that was what I wanted to talk about."

"My dad?"

"Yes."

"Is he dead too?" His lip was already trembling, tears ready to fall.

"No," she answered quickly. "Nate come here. Let's sit down and talk."

She took his hand and led him over to the bean bag chairs against the wall that she struggled to get down onto.

"Your dad has very good doctors helping him. They're doing everything they can, and I am doing everything I can to bring him here so that you can see him. The doctors say he needs a little more time in London before he can be moved here."

She debated telling him any of this, but she needed to give him hope. She needed him to have something to hold on to and keep him going without the constant worry that he would die too.

"I don't know when exactly he'll be ready, but the moment he is, I will move heaven and earth to get him to you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"That I'll see him, but he needs to get a little better first?"

"Yes, exactly. Once the doctors say he can be moved, I'm going to have him put into a hospital nearby and the moment that happens, I will take you to him."

"I have time to finish my picture."

"Yes. And I will help you make a whole wall full of them if you want."

"I think that would be cool."

"And Nate? If you have questions or just want to talk about your dads, I want you to know that you can talk to me. I knew them a long time before you were born and they are important to me too."

He smiled at her and responded, "Ok. Will you help me paint now?"

"Absolutely. Tell me where you want me."

The pair stayed in there for hours making all different pictures together. Mostly, though, they used that as a moment to get to know each other in a new way. Nate shared his favorite memories through the paintings, and Emily tried to do the same, even sharing a few stories about herself and James when they were younger. Nate got a kick out of those.

Overall, it finally felt like Emily was making progress helping Nate feel better. It would seem like a major case break would be coming too.

Garcia had been slaving away going through files and running search after search all day. She even recruited Clyde to help her understand the Interpol databases more thoroughly and much more quickly. It took a lot of will power and a lot of time isolated in her lair, but it was worth it.

"Guys!" Garcia yelled capturing everyone's attention as she ran into the bullpen, tablet in hand. "I did it! I've found the mole!"

"What? Who is it?"

Everyone was anxiously waiting for the answer. Clyde couldn't wait to hear it. After his talk with Emily and the run through about potential moles with the team all ending up dead ends, he was eager to know who betrayed them. So, not only did he want a name, but he wanted to personally handle the situation… with Emily if that was manageable.

"To tell you that, I need to explain a few things."

"We're listening, Baby Girl," Derek encouraged her.

"I went through everything Emily set up, and trust me, there was more than she had time to even put together. Point is, the mole wasn't even on the radar."

"How is that possible? It had to be someone involved on the case."

"Oh… it was. Kind of."

"Please get to the point Garcia," Dave urged.

"Ok… Sorry. So, Emily gave me the skeleton and I had to complete the puzzle. Everyone we originally looked at was written off. All anomalies were accounted for and all coincidences were explained. So, I looked more broadly. I searched for people who were too spotless."

"People who could be covering things."

"Exactly. And I found a few, but only one stuck out to me."

"Who?" Clyde asked.

"Here's where things get complicated… For Interpol."

"In what way?"

"Emily ran the London office, but she also manned a team allowing her to do field work, so there were other higher ups there."

"Yeah…"

"And one of them made it their business to be… involved."

"Involved in what?"

"Everything."

"No more dancing around. Just tell us."

"Ok, so, the name that flagged was Francine Lillard. She's Emily's… I don't know, third in command maybe? The logistics aren't important. What is important is that she's a big wig, and she wasn't playing for the right team."

"How do we know this?"

Garcia explained her work. Francine had her record scrubbed. There were things in the past that, though weren't remarkably interesting or even bad really, were suddenly erased right before she came to Interpol.

"Someone wanted her there."

"That's what I thought."

"Does she know tech stuff?" Hotch asked.

"Well, not as far as I know, but that's where the rest of what I found came in."

"And that is?"

"She and the tech analyst Kurt Wells seemed to talk a lot… Like late night phone calls, steamy texts, the whole nine yards."

"She used him."

"I don't even think he knew what he was doing, and if he did, it looks like he did it for love."

After hearing the rest, she had to say, the picture became clearer. Wells was the fall guy and the pawn, simply used for his knowledge and placement. He was Emily's first hire, someone she built up and worked closely with even though he wasn't in her immediate team. She liked to add him to tech ops and missions when possible, though, ironically, he was not working on all of the connected cases that they found.

"We have our mole and we have her patsy… Now what?" Derek asked.

"Now, I call my contacts and make sure they know what's going on without upsetting our upper hand," Clyde said. "I don't want Wells or Lillard to know that we are aware of their deeds."

"No, we want that to be our ace when we need it."

"Exactly we can use it to our advantage."

"Good. Great progress today. I don't think we can do much more with this right now. We can regroup and start digging more into Kurt Wells and Francine Lillard tomorrow."

Everyone nodded. They found something that would prove pertinent to their plans, but there wasn't much they could do with it yet. The threat was imminent, but not immediate, so their time was best spent at home, waiting for the next step.

Hotch, however, hung around. He headed up to his office once everyone else left. Sitting at his desk, he wondered about Emily. He wanted to talk with her. He wanted to see where her head was at for himself and try to figure out what was up with Spencer. It still seemed like Spencer was keeping something to himself, and Hotch was leaning toward it being Emily related. Honestly, he just wanted to help her. He wanted to physically be there by her side and help her.

"Clearly," he thought, "she didn't think you were any help. Why else would she reach out to Spencer instead of you?"

That upset him a little. He didn't understand why yet. But it did. Though, his opportunity to help was coming.

He jumped in surprise as his office phone rang. It wasn't odd to get calls on it, but it was late and something about it felt different. Maybe he just hoped it was.

"Agent Hotchner," he answered.

"Hotch, can we meet? I need your help."

"Where and when?" Hotch asked, no hesitation. Emily called, and that gave him a sense of satisfaction. Now, he'd help with whatever she asked if he could.


	18. Plans

**Chapter 18: Plans**

Emily had an idea, one she hoped would put an end to hiding and running. She wanted Nate to have the best, most stable life he could, and, so far, his life hadn't been like that. His fathers moved him around in fear that staying in one place too long would lead Bardolino to them. She didn't want him to have to move again, and she'd do anything she could to make that happen… even use her friend as bait.

First, though, she had to get Hotch and Clyde on board. When she called Hotch, she left details sparse. All she said was that she needed help, specifically his help, and asked him to bring Clyde along with him. Hotch wanted more details, but he agreed the moment she said she needed help.

"I don't want to stay on the line long. Go to my mother's. It's the weekend. You can bring Jack."

"Will you be there?"

"Just go there. Tomorrow morning. Ten."

"Emily, we should talk."

"Hotch… Tomorrow."

"Fine," he huffed. "Tomorrow."

That was set. The previous evening, Emily called him and put things in motion. Part of it meant that she and Nate would be leaving the security of the cabin, but she was looking forward to it. She and Nate felt a little claustrophobic in there, never leaving the house or yard. She knew that if they didn't get a change of scenery, their stay would be unbearable. She and Nate didn't need to be in self-induced captivity.

Maybe she was being too paranoid. She found herself wondering that often, but then reality set in. James was hurt, Vince was dead, and they were attacked… Paranoia was allowed and, in actuality, was more self-preservation.

Despite her excitement to get out of the cabin, Emily wanted to be vigilant. The next morning, about two hours before the meeting, Emily prepared Nate. She fed him breakfast and then told him that he needed to get dressed.

"I laid clothes out for you. Don't take too long, ok? Brush your teeth, get dressed, and meet me in the den."

"Are we going somewhere?"

"Yes. We are. So, get moving."

"Sweet," he said and sauntered off.

Emily hoped Hotch did bring Jack. She thought it would be good for Nate to hang out with someone his own age. A playmate not his… friend-biological mother-person, was just what he needed. Not to mention that Jack had his own experiences with losing a parent, an experience Nate could relate with more than her own.

She'd have to see how it went. She hoped they could be friends, though, she tried not to think too much about her future with Nate. She did that once and fell into the rabbit hole. _One day at a time…_

Once they were both ready, Emily tried to disguise them just a little. She gave him a hat and put one on herself as well, though there wasn't much hiding either of their injuries. She wasn't going to throw a coat on him in the middle of summer, and not much covered her leg and allowed her to blend in.

What they had would have to do as they began their trip. Emily kept Nate glued to her side as best she could with crutches. She moved with a watchful eye, constantly looking out for anything suspicious. It took a few modes of transportation to get them to their destination.

Emily knew her mother's current schedule. Elizabeth often had a standing appointment every month at a local hotel and spa for manicures with Senator Jenkins' wife. That was where Emily was going. Travelling directly to Elizabeth's house left them open to be spotted if the house was being watched, but Emily had a plan. Making it to the hotel allowed them to meet Elizabeth's driver in the underground lot, hop into the back, and duck down until they were at Elizabeth's.

When Emily told this to Elizabeth, she didn't quite grasp the need for all the secrecy, but she said to do whatever she thought she needed to keep them safe. Emily got herself and Nate to the hotel, snuck them down into the parking lot, and searched for her mother's driver.

She found Maurice, a man who had been driving the family for a decade now, leaning against a support beam with a coffee and cigarette. Spotting him, Emily struggled with the crutches on the inclined pavement to make their way to the car.

"How much longer until the Ambassador is finished?" she asked Maurice after getting Nate in the car.

"Should be out any minute. Make yourself comfortable. I left a few drinks and snacks in there for you. Didn't know what the little one would want, so just picked some of my kids' old favorites."

"Thanks Maurice."

He winked and opened the door for her. Nate asked her more questions about what they were doing, and she answered as they waited, but it didn't take long for Elizabeth to get there.

"Hello Emily."

"Hi Mom."

"How are you Nate? How's the arm?"

"It's itchy, but Emily showed me how to make it better."

"That's great. She knows a thing or two about that."

They made small talk, but once they were ready to go, Emily and Nate leaned back into their seats so that, should anyone be spying, they wouldn't be seen.

"Is that necessary, Emily?"

"I don't know, Mother, but I'm not taking any chances."

"Fine," she said and left her daughter alone.

It wasn't until they pulled into the estate's garage that Emily felt comfortable enough to sit right, and it didn't come a moment too soon. That position was not comfortable and did nothing for the pain in her leg, but they were there. They were finally outside of the cabin and in the familiar comfort of her mother's home.

She never thought she'd be so happy to be there, but she was, and was even more excited when she heard Clyde and Hotch arrive.

"They're here, Emily," Elizabeth told her. "I had them pull into the garage. Same as us. If anyone is watching, they can only see the front of the house and the driveway. The rest is completely private, so you'll be free to roam about."

"Thanks Mom. Sorry about taking over your house."

"No apologies needed. I'm happy to have you all here." Elizabeth squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "Rest the leg. I'm going to see our guests into the parlor."

Emily nodded and had Nate help her over to the couch so she could leave her crutches behind. Comfortably seated, she told Nate, "Why don't you explore a little? Stay on this floor though. There's a music room and an old office that has some games and stuff in there just down the hall."

"But I don't want you to be alone," Nate told her.

"I won't be. My mother's returning and a few of my friends will be here."

"Ok," he sighed. "Will you come play with me?"

"Maybe a little later."

Nate ran off to play and Emily anxiously waited. Her heart accelerated when she heard footsteps coming from the garage entry. She stood, anticipating their approach, and faced the door. She smiled, happy to see another friendly face. It had been a while since she last saw Hotch. She didn't realize just how much she had missed him until then. And Jack was there. That made her smile bigger. She greeted Hotch and Clyde with a kind hello and quick hug but gave Jack a little more.

"Wow. Look at you Jack. You're all grown up. What are you? Thirty already?"

Jack laughed at the joke. "I'm only 12," he said.

"And already tall enough to play in the NBA. Wow. I swear, you're a whole foot taller since the last time I saw you."

"It's been a while," Hotch interjected as his son went to hug Emily.

"What happened to your leg?" the boy asked.

"I got hurt in an accident. Nothing to worry about. I'd love to spend a little time with you, Jack, but I think there's someone here you might have more fun with," Emily said.

Jack looked around. "Who?"

"My friend, Nate, is with me. He's just a little younger than you and I think he could use someone that's not my age to play with. What do you say?"

He looked to Hotch for approval, receiving a nod. "Ok. Where is he?"

Emily told Jack how to find Nate, and he went searching.

"Thanks for bringing him," Emily told Hotch. "Nate could use a friend his own age."

"It's no problem. Jack's getting tired of his cousins anyway. How are you?" Hotch asked, taking the time to fully inspect her. Spencer and Clyde both filled him in on her injury, but he was happy to finally see it. She seemed alright.

"I'm good. It's nice to be out and about a bit. A change of scenery, you know?"

Both men nodded. Thankfully, Elizabeth had already excused herself knowing they would want to talk privately, allowing them to jump into conversation quickly, but first they needed to get some of the general how are you questions out of the way. Emily assured them, once again, that she actually was fine and might have to punch someone if they asked again.

"We should get down to business."

"We should," Emily agreed with Hotch.

"The mole is Francine Lillard."

"What? But how? She doesn't have the tech skills to pull this off, and definitely not to track me."

"She had help."

"Who?"

"Kurt –"

"Wells?" Emily asked, cutting Clyde off. "But he wouldn't do that. I know him. He's a good guy."

"We're not sure he knew what he was doing."

"I wanted to return to the motherland and use my _skills_ to find that out, but I was persuaded to wait."

"We don't need more of an international incident than we already have, Clyde." Hotch reminded him.

"Surely you don't think I'd be caught."

"Let's not do this again."

"I'm glad to know that you've developed a comfortable banter amongst yourself," Emily quipped. "But let's focus here. Kurt is a sweet guy. He gets uncomfortable when asked to skirt the line. Why would he help her? Francie, I get. She is, well, she's a bitch and I always had a feeling she was a little… dark, but not Kurt."

"Garcia is on top of this. She's looking into every angle."

"Once we know more, I will make the trip to London," Clyde promised her. "And I will make them pay for what they've done. We will put every one of the people involved in a dark cell or six feet under."

"Don't make promises, Clyde."

He made a very Clyde remark and then told her what else they knew.

"Has Garcia gotten any new information?"

"We can call her," Hotch suggested. "But you asked us here for a reason. You said you needed help. I need you to tell us with what."

Emily nodded. "Right. I have a plan."

"Oh, a Prentiss plan. Those always end well," Clyde teased.

Rolling her eyes, Emily ignored him and continued. "James is slowly improving. His new doctor is confident that he'll be stable enough to move by the end of the week."

"Wait. You want to move him?"

"Yes. Preparations are already being made. That's what I need your help with."

"Wait. Help me understand. Why are you moving him?" Hotch asked.

"Nate needs to see his only living father, and I need to see my friend… In case he doesn't make it. I can't exactly travel to him. My mother arranged the best medical care he could have here in Virginia. I even have a plane set to pick him up and deliver him."

"Then what do you need from us?" Hotch wondered.

"I need it to be covert… Like you did with me… After Doyle." Suddenly, a somber cloud hung over them with the reminder. "There are people who will be watching him to get to Nate. They want him. They want to take him to… To God knows what… To raise him to be like them, and that's the optimistic outlook." She shook her head. "I owe it to him to let him see his father in case something happens, but I want to do it safely. By now, they know who I am and they're obviously following me and Nate." As evidenced by France.

"So, you want to put him under an alias at Bethesda?"

"It doesn't have to be Bethesda, just somewhere safe where Nate and I can go to see him. And then… Then when we know more, we can move him somewhere to bait Bardolino."

"What?" Both men asked, surprised with where she was going with this.

"Think about it. Eventually, they're going to get tired of hunting and just attack, but if we draw them out, we have the upper hand. We can control things."

Both men were thinking the same thing. Emily needed that. She needed the control and she needed them to help her get it. Neither could look at her pleading face and just say no.

"Perhaps I can help. I can file an alternative flight plan, a legitimate one using the plane and pilot information that would show James being moved somewhere else. We can create a cover ID for him," Clyde said.

"And I can call in favors on this end, but Emily, I don't have the same pull as last time. What happened with Doyle, I'd do again to keep you safe, and it was worth it, but I burned a lot of bridges."

"I understand," Emily dejectedly said.

"I will get this done, Emily. I'll work with Clyde," _more than I already am,_ "and get him somewhere safe nearby so that you can see him."

"Let's talk about your plan," Clyde said and asked how she thought the bait thing would work.

Emily explained a little more. They could adapt everything depending on what they learned and could use from the mole, but, basically, she was setting herself up as bait. They would assume that where she went, Nate would be, and that wasn't untrue. But she would put herself out in the open. Once they got word that James was moved, and, at that point, would be admitted under his real name, they would follow.

"And we'll be waiting."

"I don't like you being in the crossfire like that."

Clyde agreed. "You're not exactly fighting fit," he said, pointing to her leg.

"I'll be fine. I can handle myself."

"Yes. We have seen how well your lone wolf routine works out."

"Now's not the time to bring that up, Clyde."

"He did first," Clyde said, pointing at Hotch.

Rolling his eyes, Hotch moved them along.

"He's not wrong, Emily. We'll help you, but you need to fully trust us. We need to know that you're not keeping things from us and that you won't go off on your own again. We're all in this now, so we need to know you're going to stay with us."

"I'm with you."

"And now's the time to tell us anything else if you have to. Is there anything you want to tell us?"

She looked Hotch in the eyes and lied, "No. There's nothing." _Nothing relevant._

They both scrutinized her but took it at face value.

"Then we should hammer out this plan and call Garcia."

Emily agreed and Hotch called up Garcia who happened to be in the office.

"I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't sit home doing nothing while we waited."

"Ok. I'm with Emily."

"You're with who now?! Emily? Why are you with her and I'm not?"

Hotch held the phone away from his ear as she yelled. Garcia was not happy that she wasn't included in the super-secret spy meeting.

"I'm hanging up," Garcia ended her tirade.

"Wait. No."

But it was too late. She hung up on him.

"Apparently," Hotch said, "She's upset with us."

She was, but she hung up only to call right back with video chat screaming, "Let me see her," as soon as the call was accepted.

"I think it's for you, Darling," Clyde said, Hotch passing her the phone.

"Emily Prentiss!" Garcia sternly stated. "What were you thinking contacting everyone but me?" She went on a tangent until Emily was finally able to get through to her.

"I'm sorry, Pen. You know I trust you with my life, but you were probably the one they were expecting me to go to because you're the most able to help."

"Fine," the blonde huffed. "You're just lucky I'm not there with you. I'd so beat you with… with… with freaking rainbows."

"I love you Penelope Garcia. You always make me smile."

"At least one of us can smile. I am mad at you."

"So mad you won't help me?"

"Absolutely not. I'd always help you."

"Good. Now, I'm going to move the camera so you can see all of us and we can talk."

Getting the ok, Emily passed Hotch the phone to set up as Clyde helped her back to the couch. When they were all crowded onto it, squeezing into frame, Hotch asked Garcia if she found anything new. She did.

"I dug, like dug deep, into Francine's background."

"What did you find?"

"Oh, a horde of plenty my friends. Francine Lillard doesn't actually exist… Well, not anymore."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that she was a French language professor who died ten years ago."

"Died? But… Why didn't we catch that? We do thorough background checks."

"Well, I say died, but there's no real record of it."

"Emily, Love, I'm going to need you to translate Miss Garcia for me. What is she saying?"

"What I'm saying, my British hombre, is that Francine Lillard went on an extended vacation and came back… different. She decided to leave her job for a position in the DGSE. She was being recruited for years."

"So, what makes you think she's dead?"

"Oh my lovelies, look at this." She turned the screen to her computer so they could see what she was looking at. There were two pictures, similar, but marginally different. The same skill was used by Emily to forge the IDs for herself and her friends. "A body, a Jane Doe, was found with fingertips cut off and face badly damaged. DNA match wasn't run because the body was stolen, and the morgue set on fire. All traces of her were gone."

"What leads you to believe it was her?"

"Well, here's where things get a little… out there, but follow along and hear me out, alright?"

"Don't we always?"

Penelope explained that there was a woman who went missing around that time, another French local who, she discovered, had ties to the Scarlatti family.

"A love child of sorts."

"But how are they connected?" Clyde asked.

"That second picture, the Lillard that exists now, I ran the face against the old picture of Lorna Puzzulo, the love child. It's a match."

They all let that sink in. The woman that they knew as Francine was a mole from the beginning. She didn't get approached one day and get threatened or enticed, but rather infiltrated by taking the life of someone she looked a lot alike.

Emily told them, "There's going to be no reasoning with her."

"No. She's committed to her cause, whatever it is," Clyde agreed.

"But we can still use her," Hotch said.

"And Kurt. I know we can get him to see reason. Maybe we find out what he knew and his deal, then we get him back on our side."

The group planned. Emily told them all that she knew about Kurt and Francine, as she knew her, and they talked about how they could fit into the overall trap they wanted to build.

"Looks like I'm getting on a plane to London again."

"And I have some calls to make," Hotch added.

"I can help," Penelope told them. "I'll call the team in too. Fill them in."

"Please do," Hotch replied. "Garcia, I'm hanging up now. Call the team in and I'll try to get there later today."

Penelope agreed and said her goodbyes, making Emily promise that she would be able to see her soon and that she would get to meet and spoil Nate. Emily was only able to say that she hoped so.

With the call over, both Clyde and Hotch turned to focus on Emily, Hotch saying, "Seems we have more to discuss."

"Plans to finalize," Emily agreed.

"I will get to London once we are sure on what to do," Clyde said. "For now, I will have some of our trustworthy people report to me about Lillard and Wells."

"Thanks Clyde and you too Hotch. Just… Thanks."

Hotch put his hands on each of Emily's arms, and said, "We're here for you."

"So, we have a lot to talk about. My mom has some details about the transport that you should know. First, would you like to meet Nate? I can hear the piano. He and Jack must be in the music room. We could get some food and just… be normal for a moment."

"I'd love to," Hotch said.

"We're going to be a regular Brady Bunch," Clyde joked, leaning into Emily's ear and asking, "That's a show, correct?"

"Yes, Clyde," she whispered back.

"Good."

Emily gave directions to the room, trailing slightly behind them with the crutches Clyde fetched for her. As they were walking, Clyde leaned in again, whispering so quietly Hotch couldn't hear, "I have that package you asked for. I will deliver it later."

Emily looked at him, searching to see if he found a way into it. "Thank you."

She wanted that box in her possession. She wanted to know it was safe from prying eyes and in her reach. She'd feel just the slightest bit better once she had it.


	19. Hospital Visit

_Getting this one a little early. Enjoy. _

**Chapter 19: Hospital Visit**

Nate was in a very good mood after hanging out with Jack. That was all he could talk about as they headed "home."

"What did you talk about?" Emily asked, wanting to know if Jack was able to offer him any comfort.

It was wrong of her to put so much hope on Jack, but she couldn't help it. Nate was doing alright, but she wanted him to be more than that. She wanted him to be happy. While she didn't think that would be immediate, she hoped that Jack could at least help.

"Jack was talking about school. I've never been to a real school. My dads let me do school on the computer. Jack said real school is fun and he gets to see all his friends there. I don't really have any friends. Every time I met a friend, we moved."

Boy did Emily know that feeling well.

"Is real school something you want to try?"

He looked at her with hopeful eyes. "Can I?"

"I can look into it," she told him with a smile. She still couldn't make promises, but she did want to help him get stability.

"Emily? Are me and Daddy going to live here forever?"

"Honestly, Nate, I have no clue. I want answers just as bad as you do. I just… I just don't know, and I hate that answer. I really, really do, but that's all I have right now. But I do have some news for you."

"What?"

"I talked to your dad's doctor earlier. He said that your dad is doing better. They're going to be able to bring him to a hospital near us."

"He's coming?"

"Yes. Sometime this weekend or next week."

"I just gotta be patient?"

"I know it's hard, but yes. You just need to be patient."

"I'll try," he said, sighing.

"Good. We're going to get through this, Nate, and you'll get to see your dad."

Nate didn't have much to say after that. Thankfully, they were almost to the cabin and, since it was late, he was half asleep, exhausted by his day. Once they got there, Emily sent him to wash up and get ready for bed. He had a lot of fun with Jack, and Emily got a lot accomplished with her family, but they both were feeling the day's excitement.

He was out like a light in no time and Emily was right behind him. After everything was taken care of, Emily finally made her way into her room, ready for a hot shower and sleep, but she stopped when she saw something on her bed.

She moved closer. Two boxes and a note. Emily reached for the note first.

_Looks like I beat you here. We will have to talk about what's hidden in that box of yours some other time. I'm certain it will be very interesting. In the meantime, I brought you another little present. Lock it up. Use it if needed while I'm away. It's your favorite. Keep yourself safe, and call if you need me. _

_See you soon, Darling. _

_Clyde._

Emily opened the box curiously.

"A gun Clyde?" she asked. "Really?"

Though, she was silently saying thank you. She was resourceful, but if the need to defend herself arose, they were right, she wasn't exactly fighting fit. She didn't like the idea of a likely unregistered gun around the house, but she was a responsible gunowner. She knew how to handle one and how to keep them from children's snoopy little hands.

Emily pulled the new piece out of the box along with ammunition.

"This will work," she said and put it away somewhere safe.

Over the next week, the gun provided her a sense of security, but wasn't needed. She and Nate bid their time while they waited for James' arrival. Emily had limited contact with the team. Their efforts on her "case" weren't exactly official, so they had actual work that they needed to do and were called away on a case. Emily got updates from Hotch and Clyde.

A few days before James was set to be moved, Clyde travelled back to London. He told Emily and the team that he wanted to personally spend some time at the office and keep an eye on things before helping with the transport. Emily was happy he would be with James and could keep the mole situation monitored. If anyone could make sure their knowledge stayed under the radar and keep an eye on things at the same time, it was Clyde.

Emily also received updates about James daily to make sure things were still on track. He was doing well. There was normal brain activity and no sign of infection, which was great, but even with lowered medication, he didn't seem to be ready to wake up. They weren't saying it was permanent. Technically, it was a medically induced coma because there was still a lot of heavy medication flowing through his body and many injuries that still needed healing. Emily was still hopeful, especially since he was well enough to travel.

That had to mean something, right?

She and Nate were keeping busy around the house, doing whatever to keep their minds occupied. They went out of the house again, this time to a nearby market for some groceries and to see if there were any games or toys for Nate. They ended up buying some books and movies. That helped pass time, but the weekend couldn't come soon enough. Saturday was James' arrival time. Emily hadn't told Nate, just that he was coming soon. She didn't want to get him excited and then have something go wrong.

Thursday, Emily got a call from Hotch. Clyde and Garcia worked to create an identity for James that wouldn't raise any flags and a flight plan was put in that would lead Bardolino to New York, at least temporarily assuming they were following the cyber trail.

Friday, the true countdown began. Clyde called that morning and told Emily that he was going to be with James soon. He was staying there for the evening because they were leaving in the middle of the night. But before he could go to James and prepare for their takeoff, he had a few errands to run.

As he went to both his and Emily's apartment, collecting some clothes and such for their long stay in America, he sent a message from a burner phone to Kurt Wells. When he went to the office, he heard the whispers and concerns about Emily's whereabouts and safety. Clyde knew that this would work to his advantage. Kurt was a decent guy, he thought, and he believed the man just got wrapped up in womanly charms to see the mess he was falling into.

The message just said, "This is Emily. We need to talk," and asked him to meet at a local spot, one that was crowded, public, but easy to find privacy in.

Clyde kept himself hidden while he waited, keeping his eye out for Kurt. He knew the man well enough to know that he was always punctual, so he was even earlier. He spotted the blonde man walking through the gate. Clyde took the moment to observe him as Kurt looked around for Emily. He was about to approach a woman, dark hair with the same cut, when Clyde came up behind him.

"That's not her," he said.

Kurt turned around. "Clyde? What are you doing here?"

"Same as you, I imagine. Trying to help Emily."

"Do you know where she is?" Kurt asked, his concern genuine.

"I may, but I'll be the one asking questions. Come sit."

Clyde didn't give him any choice in the matter, grabbing his arm and pulling him over to the seats he abandoned.

"What have you been up to Kurt?" Clyde pointedly asked.

"Working?"

"On extracurricular activities?"

"What?"

"Some incidents have come to my attention, Kurt." Clyde glared. "You've been spending a lot of time in and out of the office with Francine."

"Yeah… We're friends," he reasoned.

"More than friends I'd wager," Clyde said. "What if I told you that you're not her only _friend_?"

"What do you mean?"

"We'll get to that, but first, I have some questions. As you answer, be certain to keep in mind that I am trained to know when you are lying and that I have the ability to, not only fire you, but make you disappear if the need arises."

He gulped and silently nodded. Clyde could be intimidating when he wanted to. He played the villain very well but was a good guy at heart.

Clyde asked him very specific questions all leading to the point where Kurt came to his own conclusion, but before he could accept it, he needed to know something for himself.

"She was using me, right? Cheated on me?"

"Yes," Clyde bluntly answered. "And her name isn't even Francine."

"What?"

He looked devastated, and Clyde wanted to feel bad for him, but then he remembered that Kurt, though unknowingly, was partly responsible for agent deaths and Emily's current situation… So, Clyde held his sympathy.

"She was using me," Kurt said. "But for what?"

"Look, we can talk about her all night long if you wish. I have a long plane ride anyway, but I need some answers, and I know Emily would like some too. So come with me. Come with me now, prove that you're not a willing participant in this mess, and I will help you keep your job in the end… possibly. At the very least, I won't kill you."

"O – Okay…"

"Good. I'm wearing my favorite jacket and I'd have hated to get blood on it."

Clyde didn't say anything else, instead, leading the petrified man out of the area and to the car.

"Where are we going?" Kurt built up the courage to ask.

"I'm taking you to see some of the wreckage you've helped create. We'll call it incentive to be a double agent."

"A double agent?"

"I know you're not as stupid as you're trying to appear. I may believe that you were charmed by the feminine wiles of a trained femme fatale, but you must've realized something along the way. Now, no matter what, you're in deep. I want you to understand exactly what you've helped cause, so I know you are going to remain on the right side of things."

"All she asked for were locations and names. It was all stuff she could have searched on her own… Mostly."

"Did she or did she not ask you to find Emily?"

"No… But she did ask me to write a program that would track people based on their history and any input data about the person. I made one specifically for Emily."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago, I guess. She said it was for safety purposes. That it was a prototype for her to bring to Emily and test out. Then maybe it could be a safety protocol if anyone ever ran or was in trouble."

"We'll talk about this later," Clyde said, anger at the man's naivety.

Kurt was hired because he was smart, tech savvy, and a decent field agent. But this sad sack was a lovesick puppy who lost all his training when a woman played him. Then he played Emily, a woman whom he worked with and she helped. He put her at risk. Clyde was not ok with that. He knew Emily would be forgiving, but he wasn't so easily swayed. The man caused a lot of problems in their lives.

"For now, you shut your mouth and follow me."

Clyde took him to the hospital. As they approached James' room, Clyde explained what he believed Kurt's role in this part was.

"I think your little Emily tracking project led a group of very bad men to Emily and her friends. One of whom is a child, one dead, and one lying in this room fighting for his life. You did that."

"I didn't."

"You did. You helped a manipulative monster feed Emily and our cases to an even worse monster. This is the result. People have died. Our friends and agents have died. Now, they're chasing a child. They are searching for a nine-year old boy and using any means to find him. Is this really what you want as your legacy? Death and destruction?"

"I didn't want this. I don't," Kurt said as he looked through the glass window at a very beaten looking man.

"Look in there. Really look," Clyde ordered, gripping the fabric on Kurt's back and pushing him close against the glass. "This is what you caused. You let your judgment get clouded by infatuation, and it cost this man his husband and, potentially, his life and that of his child. You put Emily in a position where her life has been threatened. Emily is supposed to be your friend."

"I didn't do this."

"Maybe not purposefully, but you did. You played a part in many deaths and messed with cases. Don't you feel bad about that?"

"I didn't know."

"Well, then what are you going to do as contrition?"

"I… I want to help. I want to see Emily. Is she well?"

"Is she well? No, she's on the run after being attacked. That's not well."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear that. Just come with me."

Clyde didn't allow him to respond, just pulled him into James' room and sat him down. Together, in a tension filled silence, they waited for Dr. Malkin to prep James and the transport ambulance to arrive. Clyde checked on the plane that morning. Everything was set and the accompanying medical staff would meet them there.

As they waited, Clyde had Kurt handcuffed to the chair, telling him it was for his own protection. "So you don't do anything bloody idiotic that forces me to kill you."

It took a few hours before they were ready to go. Dr. Malkin was going to ride in the ambulance with James and Clyde was going to follow behind the ambulance in his own car. Clyde uncuffed Kurt for the ride, but made it very clear that, if he tried anything, he would be secured the entire flight.

"I won't," Kurt promised.

"Good."

Kurt tried to get more information about Emily and what he had done on the ride, but Clyde told him he'd learn everything during the flight. It was long enough for them to really get into the details. When the time came, he wished it hadn't. Clyde showed him vivid crime scene pictures and laid out the entire criminal web that they uncovered. "And you were a part of it," he told Kurt.

"I didn't mean to be."

He truly wasn't aware of what he was doing. Yes, he knew he was wrong, but he was blinded by the lure. Francine made him think it was ok. It was stupid, but he did whatever she asked of him because he wanted her to be happy.

"Well, you are, and, now that you know, what do you plan to do about it?"

"What can I do?" He wanted to help. He wanted to atone.

"You can help us. You can help Emily."

"I want to." Now that he made the mess, he would do anything to help them out of it.

Clyde found it funny that he thought he had a choice.

"Tell me what you need from me."

"I need you to pretend that you know nothing. Anything else, we'll tell you when it comes up. There's a plan in play, and now you are a piece of it."

Clyde walked away to check in with the doctors and call Emily, leaving Kurt to sink in his seat and delve into the pictures. He couldn't believe what Francine did or who she was. How did he let himself get to this point, he asked himself.

Emily found herself asking the same thing about him. Kurt, as she knew him, was a levelheaded, smart man, and yet, he got pulled into a criminal enterprise because of a manipulative bitch. How? Clyde didn't have the answer for her, but she was happy to receive his call that evening.

"We're midflight now."

"How is James holding up?" Emily asked.

"He's fine. Medicated and still on life support, but stable," Clyde answered.

"Thank you for going with him."

"I'm bringing with me another surprise."

"What's that?"

"Kurt."

"He just decided to come?"

"I can be persuasive."

"Yes, you can," she agreed. "You didn't beat him into submission, did you?"

"No. I just spoke with him. Made me question why you hired him. He's a real –"

"Clyde, behave," Emily said, cutting him off. "We hired him because he was good at his job. Obviously we were right."

"And wrong about his sense of personal judgement."

"I don't know. He's there, right? That has to count for something."

"We'll see." Clyde sighed. "For now, I'll keep an eye on him and get some rest. It's late… or early. Either way, I need some sleep."

"If anything happens."

"I'll ring you right away. If not, I won't call again until he's settled in the hospital and ready for visitors."

"Thanks Clyde. Safe travels."

"Get some rest too, Darling."

"I will. Bye."

After hanging up, Emily found herself a bit wired. Despite what she knew about James' condition, thinking about being able to see him made her feel like it would be just like old times. There was this image in her head of their typical greeting, all smiles and hugs and reminiscing. It wasn't going to be like that, she knew. He was unconscious and on life-support. She'd be lucky if she got any response at all, but she couldn't lose the image of how they used to be. And the anxiousness kept her up most of the night, pacing the halls and checking on Nate every hour when she couldn't stay in bed trying to fall asleep any longer.

She gave up trying completely once six o'clock rolled around. Then, she just got up and fixed herself a vat of coffee while she waited for the call or Nate woke up, whichever came first. Nate woke before the call. It was a good distraction, though she was still tired. Thankfully, he didn't know his father was probably touching down in the states as they sat together, so he wasn't as anxious as her.

Emily was just serving him his blueberry pancakes when her phone rang.

"Eat up," Emily told Nate. "I'm going to be in the living room."

Emily took her phone and left to talk with Clyde.

"Are you at the hospital?"

"No hello, Darling?"

"Hello Clyde. How are you? How's James?"

"I'm well, thank you, and James is being set up in a room as we speak."

"How was the trip?"

"No turbulence," Clyde said. "Hotchner took care of everything here, so no problems. The doctors say James remained stable throughout. No surprises. They're taking him for some tests just as a precaution, but they say he should be ready for visitors by noon."

"Noon?" That felt like forever.

"Yes. They upped his sedatives for the flight, so they want to gradually reduce them this morning and watch for any side effects before allowing visitors. Though, if you'd like to come early, Kurt is here as well."

"Uh…" Emily peeked through the doorway to see Nate. "I don't know. Maybe. What are you going to do with him anyway?"

"Thought I might stash him at Dave's if it's alright with him."

"Is that wise?"

"It works according to your plan. Don't worry so much. He understands what he has done and wants to help however he can."

Emily sighed. "He didn't know what he was doing."

Emily was sure that had to be the case.

"I don't believe so. We've talked and infatuation clouded his judgment, but, at some point, he had to understand that what he was doing wasn't sanctioned. We'll see how this plays out before I decide what reprimands are needed."

"Fair enough. Keep me updated. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Em?" He called when the line went quiet.

"Yeah?"

"Prepare yourself."

"That bad?"

"It's been weeks since the incident, and he's still…"

"I get it. It's not good. I'll be ok, and I'll prepare Nate as best I can."

Clyde told her that he'd call if anything changed over the next few hours. She hoped not to get another call. Not thinking about that, Emily went to Nate and told him they could play outside for a little while if he wanted. It would keep them both occupied. He decided that he wanted to play with the baseball he found.

"With my leg, I don't know how much I can play with that, Nate," she told him. "And you only have one good arm, so you can't wear the glove and throw too."

"But I want to play. My dads liked baseball. I like it."

"I know they did." Emily fondly remembered a time when she and James went to a baseball game. It was a Mets game that they caught while in New York, her gift to him, and she sat there asking him question after question because she had no idea what was going on. James remained patient and tried to explain everything as the game went on, kindly reminding her that he tried to tell her all this stuff time and again when they watched a game on TV. Emily just told him that she didn't really watch or listen, just pretended to for his sake.

"Can we try? I won't use my hand and you can just sit."

"I don't know how much fun that will be, but we can try. Please be careful, though."

"I will."

He happily got the ball and raced outside, Emily trailing behind. She knew it wasn't going to work, but she was trying it. Every time Nate threw the ball, Emily had to reach out for it, stretching her leg, and sometimes it would be out of reach and she'd take forever to get it according to Nate. Then when Emily threw it back, Nate sometimes tried to catch with his left hand and Emily would yell because the last thing she wanted was for his hand to be worse.

"Nate, buddy, this isn't working. We can roll the ball back and forth or we can find something else to do."

He sighed but agreed. It wasn't working. "We can roll it."

They talked as they rolled the ball back and forth. When she could see he was getting bored of the activity, Emily told him that they had plans for the day.

"Is that why you keep looking at your watch?"

"Yes," she admitted. "And why you're going to need to get changed again."

"Why?"

"You're all dirty."

"No. Why are we going out again?"

"Well, Nate. I didn't want to tell you until it was time to go, but your father is here."

"Here? Where?"

"He's at a nearby hospital."

"When can we see him?"

"There are no visitors allowed just yet, but in a few hours we can go. My friend is at the hospital now. He traveled with your dad and told me that they're getting him into his room now."

"I need to dress nice," Nate exclaimed. "And I need to finish the last painting. It won't be dry in time."

"Hey. Nate. It's ok. Calm down. We'll take the finished paintings and the rest we can bring the next time we see him."

"We won't be staying with him?"

"No. We can't stay at the hospital, but we can visit as often as possible."

"But that's not enough."

"One step at a time, Nate. Let's go get ready. We can leave soon because it takes a little while to get there."

Emily helped him organize the art he wanted to take, limiting it to two until they found out what could stay in James' room and what restrictions there were. After he narrowed it down, he was as eager to go as Emily had been all morning. Of course, they had to take the long way there, just in case, but they still made it there before visitation started.

Immediately, when they got to the floor, Emily greeted Clyde and asked for the room number. Clyde told her that they were free to go in but urged her to go in alone first.

"That was the plan. Nate stay here with Clyde. I'll be back soon."

"But I want to see dad."

"You will. I just want to talk to the doctor first."

"Ok."

Emily ignored Kurt who was sitting silently nearby and made a beeline for the room. As prepared as she was, she still didn't feel very prepared for what she saw.

"Oh James," she said, her heart hurting.

He was laid up in the bed, face covered in healing bruises, colored in purples, yellows, and greens. They were fading, but still very prominent. Not to mention that his collarbone was broken, and he was adorned with new scars. The breathing tube and machines didn't make him look any better. If it terrified her, what would it do to Nate, she wondered.

"I'm taking care of him," she promised her friend, gently taking his hand in hers. "I'm so sorry about Vince. I wanted to protect you, but I kept you around for selfish reasons. I just… I wanted more time and it cost you so much. I'm so sorry."

She hoped beyond reason that she'd get some response, but one never came.

"I'm going to bring in Nate. If anyone can give you the will to keep going, it's him. But please, please keep the dramatics to a minimum and come back to us in one piece."

Emily wanted to keep her visit short knowing getting Nate in with his father was the priority. Taking a deep breath, she looked over James once more and walked out. It was harder than she wanted to admit being there. It was hard seeing him like that, so unlike himself and struggling, but she knew she had to, and she had to talk with Nate.

Rejoining the boys, Emily called Nate to her and told him they needed to have a quick chat.

"Can I go see my dad?"

"Yes, but I need to talk to you about what to expect first."

He looked at her questioningly.

"Your dad is not awake right now. He was hurt very badly and has the bruises to show it. I'm not going to lie, it's scary to see him like this, Nate. He has a machine breathing for him and there are tubes and wires and noises, so if you're afraid, we don't have to go in there."

She wanted to keep him from seeing the bad, but also knew that she couldn't. She needed to give him an out if he was afraid, but he needed to make the choice himself.

"I'm brave. I want to see him."

"Ok," Emily said. "If it gets too much, let me know."

He nodded and held out his good hand for hers. Emily opted out of using crutches and walked with him, slowly, to the door. She squeezed his hand before letting them into the room.

Tears pooled in his eyes almost immediately as he asked, "That's my dad?"

"Yes."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Absolutely."

He let go of her hand and walked to his father. "Hi daddy. I've missed you so much. Both of you. But dad died… He's gone," Nate cried. "I don't want you to be gone too. Please don't go."

Emily found herself tearing up as he spoke. Nate told his father how much he loved him and presented him with the drawings. Emily could see that, despite her warnings, he was expecting a response too.

"Emily? When is he going to wake up?"

"I don't know," she responded. "Right now, he just needs to rest and get better."

"But he can hear me, right?"

"I think so. I _hope _so."

"I really miss him, and now I can see him, but I still miss him."

"Me too, Nate," she said moving beside him. "The doctors are doing everything they can to bring him back to us. I know that he misses you too."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?"

"I just know." She knew because she always missed Nate. The kid was no real part of her life for years and still she found herself missing him every day. "Because he loves you and all he wants is to be with you."

"I wish he could tell me himself."

"I know."

"Can I sit next to him?"

"I don't think you can go on the bed. He's hooked up to a lot of important machines, but we can pull a chair extra close if you promise to be careful."

"I promise."

Emily and Nate took the soft chair from the wall and pushed it right against the bed.

"Hope on."

Nate sighed as he plopped into the seat. He asked her if she wanted to sit too, but she kindly declined. Nate looked at her sadly before talking with his dad again. He began to talk all about his adventure with Emily as she listened with interest. He spoke with such conviction and emotion that it was a little hard for her to stomach.

"And then there was a car crash and some crazy guy tried to hurt Emily. I was really scared because she takes care of me just like you do. She's doing a very good job, and if she was really hurt, I'd be very sad like I am now because you're hurt. But don't be sad that I like Emily so much and she's doing so good. I need you too. Emily told me dad's in heaven. Is that true?" No response…

And Emily couldn't take it.

"Nate, I'm going to step out for a while. Do you want to stay in here?"

"Can I talk to my dad by myself?"

"Yes. There's a man named Sam right outside to make sure everything is ok, and if I'm not back, I'll have him come sit in here after five minutes."

"Ok."

He paid her no mind and went back to talking with his dad, shoulders sagged and face low. He was sad and scared. Emily could tell, and that was partially why she needed out, but there was also something else she wanted to do while she had the chance.

Wiping at her eyes, she carefully exited the room, giving Nate one last look. Slowly, she maneuvered her way back to the waiting area and approached Clyde and Kurt. She leaned in and whispered into Clyde's ear, asking him to watch Nate and go into the room in a few minutes. Clyde nodded.

"So, Kurt, I think we need to have a little chat."

Emily locked her arm in his.

"How about some coffee?"

She led him to a quiet spot in the cafeteria, got them some coffee, and really got into it with him. She needed to know his true role in things, and she needed to hear it all from him.


	20. Ruse

**Chapter 20: Ruse**

Emily had a very enlightening talk with Kurt about what he was asked to do and why he, ultimately, chose to do it. She learned a lot of the same things Clyde did, but because she didn't let her anger get the best of her, she was able to learn a little more. She got him to go deeper, and, honestly, she wished he didn't. Now she felt sorry for him. Before, she was a little indifferent, angry, but understanding, and now she knew just how bad he was played, and she didn't like it. He was an idiot, and he chose to be in denial, but he was still being played.

The point was that he was in for whatever she wanted. That was what had to matter. He would end up being important to the plan, though his presence might have accelerated the timeline. In the meantime, she returned to Nate and spent the day with him and James at the hospital.

Hours passed by, nurses and doctors came in to check on James every hour like clockwork. Around lunch time, Emily asked Clyde and Kurt to take Nate to get some food.

"You don't want anything?" Clyde asked Emily.

"No thanks."

He was going to bring her something anyway, but she was happy that he just did what she asked, and Nate didn't fight her on it. Once they were gone, Emily sought out the doctor. She got reports over the phone, but she needed to be able to read his face while he told her. Then she would know the truth.

Dr. Malkin was staying for a few days to come up with a plan with the new medical staff and watch over James during the transition, but they never saw each other in person. Now, she wanted a meeting with the whole medical team to get a better read on the situation. She wanted to know if James had a true chance of recovery.

She requested that they all get together. They had time that day, so that was why she sent Nate off. With him gone, she went looking for Dr. Durant's office. He was the neurologist taking over the case. She knocked and was given a verbal ok to enter. The other doctors were present already and introduced themselves.

They took a moment to get acquainted so Emily could understand their roles, but then Emily got right to the point and asked, "So, what's the prognosis here? I've heard relayed messages, but circumstances prevented me from communicating with the doctors in London."

"We ran a new set of scans and looked over the ones we were sent from London," Dr. Durant explained. "The initial trauma, beyond the obvious injuries, resulted in brain swelling. A shunt was placed to reduce some of the pressure after it was clear time would not resolve the problem. I'm afraid it looks like the damage was done."

"Brain damage?" Emily asked.

"Yes," Durant answered, showing her an image on his tablet. "This was the most recent MRI. The spots here," he pointed out certain parts of the brain that were dark., "are signs of damage. Now, we won't know the extent of the damage until or unless he wakes up."

"Unless? Does that mean he might not?"

Another one of the doctors sighed, "We don't like to give a definitive answer on that. He's not brain dead, but there is damage. We are starting to remove all sedative drugs from his system and then take it from there."

Emily sadly nodded. "The damage, it's permanent?"

"That's likely. Depending on the physical effects, if any, it may just mean some physical and occupational therapy for a while to adjust."

"Or?"

"Or we may be looking at a complete change in lifestyle. We just can't know for sure."

"But you can make an educated guess," Emily said. "That's what I need you to do. I'm taking care of his son, his partner is dead, and we have lives that we need to navigate. I need to know what I may be looking at. So, I need you to tell me, to the best of your knowledge, how bad you think this is."

"It's certainly not good. I would say, at the very least, he'll be looking at a long rehabilitation, potentially the need for long term care. That's not to say we can't be wrong. Really, it's dependent on how soon he wakes up and what steps we take from here on out."

"There are experimental treatments and other options we can discuss in time, but right now, what we would like to focus on is getting him out of this medically induced coma and testing his more lucid reactions. /only then can we have a more concrete picture of the situation."

Emily was disheartened by all she was hearing but wasn't going to let it deter her grasp on hope. "When can we begin that? Reducing the medication?"

"The medications were upped for the travel and several other precautionary medications were given to prevent possible complications during flight, but now that he's here and settled, those have been removed. We'll start to wean him off and, hopefully, have it all out of his system over the next few days."

"And then he'll wake up?" Her voice betrayed her. It sounded like a naïve child.

"Then there will be nothing preventing him from waking up on his own," Malkin answered, purposely choosing his words.

"Emily, I know it's hard to process everything now, but we're going to do all we can to get him through this," the doctor assured her.

Emily nodded. The team of doctors explained how the next few days would play out and told her that they understood the circumstances of James' injuries and the fake name they would be using for him. They had her sign papers for James' care and told her they would continue to monitor him closely while they reduce the drugs and hoped to remove the breathing tube soon after that.

Emily thanked them for their candor and for talking with her before getting ready to go. She needed to get back to Nate and the promise that they'd keep her updated was enough for now. As she stepped out of the room, a voice called to her.

"It was nice meeting you in person, Emily," he said.

Emily looked to the man. "You too, Dr. Malkin. Will you be staying here for a while?"

"I'm afraid I will only be here until tomorrow. However, I will leave my contact information for you and the staff to get in touch and I will be checking on progress. The staff here is very capable, and I believe your friend is in excellent hands."

"Thank you." Emily shook his hand. "If I don't see you again, have a safe trip."

They, too, parted ways and Emily went back to James. Nate, Clyde, and Kurt returned shortly after.

"Did he wake up yet?" was Nate's first question.

"No. Sorry Nate. We have to give him time, ok?"

"Alright," he sighed and reclaimed the spot on the recliner.

Emily found a seat as well. Her leg was aching and her body felt sore. That and the stress, it was a lot. She rubbed her leg, an action that didn't go unnoticed by her friend.

"You ok?"

"Fine," she weakly said. He didn't buy it.

"Eat. I brought you something light."

"Thanks Clyde. I'm not hungry, though."

"Eat it anyway."

She picked at the food as she stared at Nate interacting with James. She knew that, should James die, Nate would be inconsolable. The pain from losing one father was hard enough, but both in such a short span of time would be a tremendous blow. That was precisely why she was going to do whatever she had to in order to end the mess they were in, get out of hiding, and put all her effort into helping James and Nate.

But, now, she had to take care of herself and Nate. They had a long day and, even if he didn't say it, Emily could see that he was tired. Though, he wasn't making it easy to go. Clyde already left with Kurt after telling Emily what he planned to set up with him. Emily told him he could handle it, that she trusted him. She had enough to handle, so she was delegating. After they left, Emily remained with Nate for another hour or so, but she felt like she was running on empty, but when it came time to leave, Nate was not a happy camper.

"Nate, visiting hours are over. We really have to go."

"I don't want to," he made clear. "I won't leave him."

"Please, Nate. I don't want to leave him either, but he won't be alone. The nurses and doctors are always checking in on him."

"I want to stay," he firmly demanded.

"We can't. They won't let us stay in the room, and we need to get home to take our medicine. We can't stay here, but we will be back."

"Tomorrow?"

"Possibly." Though, the constant trips to the hospital wouldn't be great for their cover. "We'll have to see."

"I don't know if I can go. He might miss me too much, like he misses Dad."

"It's ok to miss them both, Nate," Emily told him, a sad half-smile on her face as she brushed her hand on his cheek. "Even though your dad is right there, he can't respond like he normally would, so it's different. It's ok to miss that. I miss it."

"I want him to talk to me."

"Me too. The doctors are doing everything they can. Right now, he has a lot of medicine in him that makes him sleep. They're going to slowly take it out."

"And then he can talk with me and play?"

"That's what we're hoping."

"Can we stay for just a few more minutes?"

"Just a few," Emily said, unable to resist his sad, pleading face. "But then we really need to leave."

He lugubriously nodded and leaned into Emily as he held his father's hand for just a few more minutes. Then, as promised, he didn't fight her about leaving. He slipped his hat back on and walked beside her as she leaned heavily on her crutches. It felt like a long trip and Nate was even more depressed than he was before, if possible.

No matter what she said to him, it wasn't enough. And that night, when he was supposed to be in bed, Emily found him in the tent staring out of the window.

"Nate?" Emily groggily asked.

She was woken up from her sleep when she heard something downstairs, grabbed the gun and everything as she headed to check it out. When she saw it was Nate, her heartrate slowed, and she immediately hid the gun. There would be no accidents, she told herself.

"What are you doing down here?"

Nate pulled his gaze from the window and looked at her. "You said if I ever wanted to feel close to my dads, I could come in here. I miss them. I want to feel super close like we used to be."

Sad, Emily got in next to him.

"Tell me a story, Nate."

"About what?" he asked.

"Tell me more of your favorite stories about your dad Vince."

"He's afraid of rollercoasters. Did you know that?"

"I didn't," Emily told him.

"We went to the fun park once. I don't know the name. We played lots of games. Dad was good at the games. 'specially the shooting ones. He won me a big stuffed shark. Daddy wasn't so good at them. We went on the kid rides because I was too small for the big ones. Dad freaked out even on the rollercoaster for kids. He was screaming and holding my hand the whole time. It was funny."

"Do you like rollercoasters?"

"Mmhmm. They're scary but fun."

"They are," she agreed. "You know, the memories that you have will help your dad live forever because he lives through you. Maybe that doesn't make sense now, but what I'm saying is that we can talk about your dads any time you want, and I would be happy to listen. Maybe I'll even share a few more stories of my own."

Emily could hear Nate's hitching breath. He was trying not to cry. She pulled him into her side and wrapped her arm around him.

"It's ok," she assured him. "You can cry, you can be angry, you can feel whatever you need to."

They stayed like that, Emily telling Nate a story until he calmed, and she could see that he was past ready for sleep. She managed to escort him up to his room and tuck him in, watching him as he settled in. She could see that he was dreaming, tossing and turning, though in a deep sleep. She didn't know whether to wake him or just let him be. Whatever he was dreaming about was bothering him, but she wasn't sure if waking him up would make it worse or better.

Instead of waking him, she opted to sit beside him on the bed, holding his sleeping form. He released a sleepy sigh and cuddled into her as she sank into the bed with him. That seemed to do the trick. As he held on to her, he didn't wrestle with the blanket or flop about. There were no more murmurs, just quiet sleep.

"Everything's going to be ok," she told the sleeping boy, but it was an affirmation for herself as well. She had to believe things would work out.

The next few days were rough for everyone. As Emily spent time going back and forth to the hospital with Nate, trying to keep on top of James' medical care, Nate's wellbeing, and being hypervigilant while doing all of that, the team was working in between cases to make Emily's plan work.

"Have we gotten any updates on James?" JJ asked Hotch. Everyone wanted to talk with Emily, but it seemed that Clyde and Hotch were playing middleman. Any questions seemed to be directed to them.

"They took him off the breathing tube and he's no longer sedated, but he hasn't woken up yet."

"Maybe he just needs time."

"Maybe."

"How's Emily? And Nate?" Penelope asked.

"Nate's having a rough time. I think Emily is as well," Clyde answered. He didn't want to mention that he also believed there was something she was keeping from all of them, but had no clue what.

"I guess that's to be expected."

"She's not calling us," Spencer pointed out.

"No. She's been kept very busy." Clyde sighed. "I think that, should our plan work, it needs to happen now. Word around the office is that Kurt is missing. Francine is trying to spin it, so it appears he is the bad guy. My trusted men are working on controlling the issue, but we need her in play for the plan to work. She's looking for him."

"It's time."

"It is."

"Kurt is key," Hotch said.

"We can have him call Lillard, tell her that we took him to the states against his will."

"No," Clyde said. "She would rather us kill him than stick her neck out to save him. By now, they know that the hospital transfer to New York was a ruse and are regathering. They don't know, however, that Kurt is here. He should call Francine and tell her that he was spooked, so he ran and hid, but found something she might be interested in."

"I can reroute the call to like he's still in London," Penelope offered.

"Definitely do that," Hotch said.

"Where is Kurt now?" Spencer questioned.

"My place," Dave responded. "He hasn't left the house. We have him on lockdown."

"How do we know he doesn't leave when you're not around?" JJ asked.

"Oh, trust me, he's terrified of Clyde," Dave said, laughing. "He's not going anywhere."

"Alright, so we have him call Francine, tell her he found Emily and Nate. We'll set up a dummy in one of the hospital rooms. That will draw them in, they'll want Nate and Emily out of the way, so they'll come. When they do, we take whoever we can, alive if possible."

"Chances are that Bardolino himself won't show."

"No, probably not, but hopefully one of the goons that do show will talk."

They continued to go over the details. Assuming everything went to plan, they would get Francine to contact Bardolino, either directly or through the Scarlatti family. She was being watched very carefully by some of Clyde's finest undercovers and would continue to be surveilled. They were working on bugging her phone and getting tracking on it if possible. They already had her apartment tapped. The feed didn't give them too much, but it would help later when they wanted to disrupt the whole enterprise.

The goal for this leg of their "case" was simply to take down Bardolino, get Emily and Nate out of danger, and then deal with the rest. All that was left before things really happened was to inform Emily and get Kurt to make the call.

Penelope was setting up the phone and everyone was gathering what they needed. Because the case was both international and carrying over among multiple states, Hotch worked it out with his superiors and Interpol to make it an official case. They were talking with Boston police as well as the organized crime division of the FBI, and Clyde was heading up the Interpol portion, though they were keeping it all as low key as possible.

Maneuvering all of that was difficult, but it allowed them to focus their energy on getting the job done and helping their friend, no other cases as distraction. It was what they needed, now more than ever. There was no time for other things if they wanted to pull this off.

Hotch took command of the situation. He and Dave worked with the hospital to set up a decoy room. James was in the ICU under a fake name, and he would remain safe away from it all, but one of them would be acting as James, lying in the bed to trap the bad guys. The logistics were set, now it was time to act.

The group decided to congregate at Dave's house outside of working hours to continue their work. After contacting Emily and letting her know that things were green lighted, they pulled Kurt into things and told him the phone was set and gave him a script to follow.

They quietly sat around him as he called Francine.

"Frannie, it's Kurt."

"Kurt, where the bloody hell are you?"

"I was spooked. Someone tried to attack me. I think it was Clyde."

"Easter?"

"Yes. He said I was a mole and I'd pay for it if he could prove it. I… I didn't know what to do. He said I was responsible for a lot of horrible things. What do I do?"

She hesitated. "Why don't you tell me where you are? I can help you?"

"No… No, I don't want to drag you into this."

"Then why did you ring, Kurt?"

"Because I love you, doll. I wanted to speak with you."

"Is that it?"

"No," he dejectedly answered. He was still hoping that his new American handlers were wrong about her. Now he was disappointed and motivated to do what they wanted. "Clyde mentioned Emily… And I did more looking just like you wanted. I got a location for the people you asked."

"Emily, Nathaniel, and James?"

"Yes."

"Where?" she eagerly asked. Hook, line, sinker.

"Emily and the boy were caught on a security camera in Washington, DC. At a hospital there."

"Which one?"

He gave her the name. "I checked records as best I could. There were reports from the London hospital of a transfer that was received there about a week ago. I can give you all the information if you wish."

"Tell me."

So, he did. He told her everything she wanted, and she was feeding right into their plans. Kurt did exactly as they asked. He even played the innocent, asking what she planned to do, why she was really looking for Emily, and what she wanted with that family.

"Mind your business Kurt."

"When will I see you?" No answer. "Francie?" He looked to the team. "She hung up."

They wanted to comfort him because he looked like he could use it, but they also felt some anger toward him. He wasn't the enemy, but he was associated with it, so they couldn't embrace him fully.

"Ok, Garcia. Make sure you're tapped into all airport security, private airstrips too if you can," Hotch instructed.

"They'll be vigilant. I don't think they'll use public transportation, and, if they do, they will be under new aliases," Dave said.

"I can contact Boston officers again," JJ offered. "Tell them to keep an eye out for them, but don't approach. We want them to come to us, to be on our turf so that they don't know we're on to them until it's too late."

"Do it," Hotch ordered. "I'm going to call Jessica and let her know that she needs to keep Jack for the night, and then I'm going to call Emily. I suggest you all try to rest. The next few days we're going to be on watch. We are doing everything we can to prepare, but we don't know when they'll strike."

"Night would be my guess," Spencer said. "They'd probably look for some verification and then strike as soon as possible. A flight from Boston to DC is about one hour and thirty minutes. They could get here as soon as tonight."

"All the more reason to just relax now. We have at least a few hours. Let's eat and relax."

"Go make your call," Derek said. "We'll work out a look out schedule and coordinate with a tac-team."

Hotch nodded and walked into a different room. He made a quick call to Jessica and talked with Jack. Of course, his son was curious, asking if he had another case. Hotch told him that he did, he needed to help Nate and his father, Emily too.

"Then I won't be upset that you're gone. I'll be good for Aunt Jessica," Jack said. "Tell Nate and Emily I said hi and that we should play again."

"You're a great kid, Jack."

"I know. You're lucky," he sassed. "Love you Dad."

"Love you, Jack. Talk soon."

"Get the bad guy Dad and be safe."

"I will,"

Hotch hung up and then immediately switched phones to call Emily.

"Everything is set, Emily."

"The decoy?"

"One of us will be in the bed waiting and another will be hidden in the room's bathroom. We're going to take turns watching the entrance and one of us will be near the door."

"I should be there," Emily insisted.

"You shouldn't be anywhere near this, Emily."

"I need to help. I need to be a part of this."

"You need to stay right where you are and keep yourself and Nate safe."

"Hotch…"

"No, Emily. This isn't Doyle. You're not going off half-cocked and getting yourself killed again."

"I didn't die…"

"Technically, you did, and I'd like to prevent that from happening again. So, hunker down wherever you're staying, keep yourself and Nate occupied, and wait for my call saying that we got the bastards."

"Hotch…"

"Promise you'll stay put."

"I'm at the hospital now. Nate was crying and he wanted to see his dad. I had to take him."

"Then get out, Emily. Get out and go somewhere safe." He shook his head. "How far is your safehouse?"

"An hour, hour and a half depending on the route."

"You should have enough time to get there. Go, and if you think you can't make it, go somewhere else. I don't care. Just keep safe."

"I should help."

"We've been over this. Get out of the hospital and go. Now."

"Fine. We're leaving. I don't know if we can make it to the safe house. It's been a rough day. Nate's exhausted and so am I. I'll do what I can."

"Emily… Please just stay safe."

"I will. You guys too. I don't want this to… I don't want anyone hurt."

"We know what we're doing."

"That doesn't always mean things go smoothly. Just look out for everyone. Look out for yourself. I'd… miss you if you were gone… all of you."

"You too, Emily. Get to safety. We'll call once we have something, and if you need us, call."

"I will."

After the call, things seemed to speed up, like everything just occurred in a giant windfall. The team, Clyde included, set up shop at the hospital.

Everyone was tired. Everyone was overworked, but no one was willing to let the other officers handle it, not when one of their own was involved. It happened in the middle of the night.

The entire floor was cleared of patients because of renovations, and officers were stationed in all the empty rooms to make it look more normal.

Spencer and JJ were on watch outside at the entrance, looking for activity while Garcia worked surveillance with them and everyone else was stationed on the floor.

"Potential sighting," JJ spoke into the com as Spencer continued to monitor them. "Four men entering. They appear armed."

Spencer gave them a more detailed description.

"Copy that," Derek said. "I'll wait by the elevators and stairs and signal if they approach."

Derek knew he had to act normal. He was just a family member on the floor, visiting a patient, though, when they calmly walked by him, giving him a curt nod, he was ready to pounce.

"They're approaching," he told the team as he slid behind a wall to remain out of sight.

"We're ready," Hotch said.

He was the decoy. Clyde and Dave were in the room, hidden. Everyone was on guard and ready to pounce. The men stormed the room, and then everything after that was like a well-rehearsed ballet. Two approached the bed, one with a syringe, the other two with guns drawn. That was when Clyde and Dave appeared.

"FBI. Drop the weapons," Dave said, as Hotch, too, sat up, gun in hand.

The men put up no fight, which was surprising, but it was a win… an easy win. Maybe too easy? They had the guys, and they were alive to answer questions. But as they handcuffed them, they realized that the men didn't seem fazed by their take down at all. They seemed happy even.

"Where's Bardolino?" Hotch pressed once they had them under control.

One of them laughed.

"Probably with the boy," one of the men said, a grin on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"If I had to bet, I'd say he had Nathaniel and was on his way far, far away from here never to be seen again."

"If you're lucky, he took your girl with him. If not, maybe you'll be able to find her body."

Hotch and Clyde shared a look.

"I'll call her," Clyde said. "You guys alert the team."

Emily didn't answer.

"Try again," Dave said.

He did. Still nothing.

"You know where she is, right?" Hotch asked Clyde, worry evident.

"Yes."

"Then what are we waiting for. Let's go."

Hotch directed the local officers to escort the prisoners as they took off, all hoping that the men were bluffing.

But they weren't.

Emily and Nate had just made it home. Nate was grumpy and fought her the entire way making their trip take twice as long. Then, as soon as they got home, Emily heard a car approach. She peeked out of the blinds and felt her heart flutter.

"Nate," she said as calmly as she could. "Remember that secret door I showed you? The attic entrance in the closet?"

He nodded.

"I need you to go in there. Go in and lock the door, then hide in there until you hear me say it's safe."

"What's going on?"

"Go!" she yelled, hearing footsteps stomp outside. "Run."

He looked at her with wide eyes, but upon seeing her fear, took off. He ran as fast as he could and, as much as Emily wanted to go with him, if only to ensure he got to safety, she knew she would only slow him down. She would buy time however she had to.

Hearing his feet upstairs, Emily tried to grab her phone. No signal.

"Fuck," she hissed. Jammers.

She went to fetch the gun just as the door broke open, flying off the handle, a body forcing hers to the ground.

It seemed like everything went silent for a moment. The chaos of the entry all but gone as she was face down on the ground, a body holding her down. She could see a pair of expensive shoes approaching and then a hoarse, deep, and intimidating voice.

"Emily Prentiss, as I live and breathe," the man said. "Looks like we finally get to meet." He smiled a wicked smile as a goon pressed his knee into Emily's back.

This was not an ending any of them were anticipating. Emily gulped, but said nothing, her head moving and her eyes searching the menacing presence. This was her end, she could feel the dread in her bones, but Nate was hidden, and she wouldn't go down easily.

_Don't be mad. I know it's a cliffhanger, but you know there will be a new chapter this weekend. _


	21. Fight

_You get this a few days early. You're welcome. Hope this chapter addresses some of the comments from last chapter. _

_Keep in mind, though, that this is fanfic. Emily is a human character who makes mistakes. There are no Mary Sue tropes here. _

**Chapter 21: Fight**

Bardolino was never a patient man. The fact that it had been weeks and his newly found grandson was still not in his possession didn't sit well with him. He kept putting pressure on his men and his assets. He had people scattered around the world, searching in every crevice to find the bitch and his family's resurrection; a boy his own son kept from him after running away from his legacy.

With his eldest son Joey Jr. recently deceased and his other, his boy Dominic, a casualty for his cause, all he had left to carry his name was Nathaniel and whatever son his daughter, Ava, popped out. Nathaniel, or Vinny Jr. as he would rename him, was the family's hope. He was the prodigy born from sin to rise and carry on the family dynasty. He wouldn't let the other man raise his grandchild. No way. Once they found James, he'd be taken care of. Joe already made the orders. Make it look like an accident or whatever, just kill on sight. He didn't care what happened as long as he was out of the picture permanently.

Outside of that, he just wanted Emily's head on a platter and his grandson under his control. He still had no idea how Emily factored into things, or what garbage she and her friend were spewing into his grandson's head, but she made him incredibly unhappy. She had become a real pain in his ass. God, he wanted to just stomp on her until she bled. Once he got his hands on her… Why was she even involved?

"Chaz! Have you heard anything yet?" He yelled at one of his cousins. The impatience was making him more volatile and a volatile mob boss was no good for anyone.

"Joe," another voice called back. "You have a call."

"If it's not about the boy, I don't want to hear it," he yelled back to his associate.

"It's very important. Information you will want to hear."

"Fine. Give me the damn phone."

The man rushed over, and Joe snatched the phone away. It was a very aggressive chat, though Joe barely uttered more than a repetitive "uh huh" and then, at last, he heard what he had been waiting to hear. "Fantastic. This better pan out." With that, he hung up and dialed a different number.

"Tommy," he said once the phone was answered. "You still in Virginia watching the mother's place?"

"Yes, Sir. Of course. There hasn't been any sign of her, just those agents I told you about last time."

"Good. Now I have an assignment for you." Joe sent him to the hospital that his source gave him and told him to look out for James, Emily, and Nate, go through the whole hospital if he had to, then report back.

Joe got a call a half hour later confirming the sighting.

"Got you, you little bitch," he said to himself, a giddy tone.

He ordered his man to keep watch. If she left, the man was to follow without being spotted. He and some of his muscle were on their way.

Tommy kept watch of Emily and Nate, and thought it was to his advantage that she looked distracted. He watched the pair closely. The woman was flustered. She looked downright exhausted and harried. Her eyes looked everywhere, but it looked like she wasn't seeing. The child was temperamental and keeping her from spotting his tail. She was injured and looked on her last leg. Tommy laughed. He could have taken him right there and then if Joe allowed. It would have been easy.

"Absolutely not," the boss said. "She's mine. I'm going to be handling her personally."

And that was how he and his associates ended up outside of the mountainside cabin in Virginia, guns loaded and ready for blood. It took them a while to track her. The hospital was a set up, they smelled it from the get-go, but they wanted to use it to their benefit.

Everyone had their off days. For all they learned about Emily Prentiss, they knew she was still human. Humans were fallible. They'd have a moment to catch her. All it took was an overtired, over-extended, emotionally exhausted woman and a relentless, grieving child to lead the way.

Following her wasn't easy. In fact, they lost her right after she left hospital grounds. It was a good thing they had people to find her. Pieces of the puzzle were coming together, and it brought them right to her door.

"She just got in, Sir," Tommy told Joe as he and the goons slammed their car doors shut, pounding towards the place.

"Anybody hurts the kid, and they're dead," he clarified as they approached the house. "Break it down."

The goons handled the initial dirty work. Sal knocking Emily down to the ground before she even had a chance to react, and it made him thrilled to see her weak like that. He motioned to two of the men to search for Nathaniel as he moved a little closer to Emily.

"Emily Prentiss, as I live and breathe," he said. "Looks like we finally get to meet." He smiled a wicked smile as the goon held Emily down. "You've made a lot of work for me and my men. Cost me my son, but you won't keep me from my grandchild." He made a hand motion. "Get her off the ground. Search for weapons and secure her."

Roughly, Emily was pulled from the floor, her eyes narrowed and glued to Bardolino as she was patted down and zip tied.

"This should be fun. Let's have a chat," Bardolino said, ordering his men to put her in a chair. He followed a hobbling, dragged Emily.

She said nothing as she listened carefully to the men rummaging through her temporary home searching for Nate. She was praying he stayed hidden and safe no matter what came of her.

"Are you listening to me?" Bardolino's voice boomed as he gripped her shoulder, finally getting her attention.

"You're not going to find him," Emily stated.

"Just you wait. We have our ways. Just like we found you here."

"How did you find me?"

"Kids make everything a little harder, don't they? It may have taken me some time, but as soon as I heard James was in a hospital nearby, I put my guys on every hospital within 50 miles waiting to see if you'd show. My guys here tried to follow you, but even distracted, you're good. I'll give you that. My team is better, though. We dug and dug and found a connection between your mother and this place."

He leaned in closer, wanting her to feel a raw, emotional pain.

"Know whatever happens now is on you. You brought us here, and I'm not leaving without what I came for."

Emily felt the hit of the words. They followed her. She knew better. She gave in to Nate's needs above her gut and it led them here. They had a plan, and she was sure it could have worked… If things went accordingly. Naturally, they did not. They wanted to set up the ruse in a different hospital, but none fit the bill. Then the men came with no real warning. Nate begged and begged to see his father, and despite her worries, she couldn't say no to him.

Everything had gone wrong.

Bardolino was right. It was on her. She didn't want guards at the cabin. It drew too much attention and would have put Nate on edge. They took a chance going to see her mother a few times, but she was sure the house was being watched, as were all of her major connections. She couldn't risk bringing more of them to her or her to them.

Maybe she should have. Or maybe this was always going to be the ending… Bardolino versus Prentiss, the Nate prize fight… She would fight to the death.

Bardolino left Emily with the supervision and went to talk to his other men. Emily could just vaguely make out their murmuring. They couldn't find him. She smiled. _Good._ Whatever happened, happened as long as Nate was safe. She kept repeating that in her head. It gave her comfort and allowed her to accept what might come. Her fate was out of her hands, but if Nate was unscathed, she would accept whatever came her way.

The other men disappeared leaving Emily with just the one guard. She could hear Bardolino calling his grandson's name. Nate wouldn't answer. She believed that. If they were lucky, then Nate fell asleep hiding and would be unaware of the commotion. It was cozy up there. She convinced herself that was a possibility. Maybe he wouldn't be scarred for life.

"What are you smiling at bitch?" the Boston accented voice hissed in her ear. "You think it's funny? Maybe now it seems that way, but if they don't find him, you won't be laughing then." For dramatic effect, in what Emily considered a cliché move, the goon made a fist and cracked his knuckles.

She had to hold back from rolling her eyes. _Don't go asking for trouble_, she said to herself.

"Got nothing to say now, huh? That'll change," he said, pushing her like a child would.

Emily took a deep breath before attempting to play the guard. "You don't want to do this," she said.

"Do what?"

"Keep me tied up… Interrogate me… Hurt me."

"Like hell we don't."

"I'm a federal agent on loan to Interpol. Just being in this room is asking for it."

"Maybe I am, baby. You know, my boss says you're a real mouthpiece, but, I don't know. You got them lips on you. I bet they do a whole different kind of talking if ya know what I mean," he licked his lips, his meaning clear to her as he brushed his finger along her mouth.

She bit it.

"Fuck." He pulled his hand away, quickly inspecting it before going on the attack. "You asked for it."

He lunged at her, knocking the chair and her down as his hands wrapped around her neck.

"Yeah, that's better," he teased as Emily fought against her bindings.

Thankfully, he never got the chance to do any permanent damage. As he held her down, hands squeezing, the booming, commanding voice returning. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Nicky?"

The hands quickly released her, and Emily swore he was even more worried than she was about their safety.

"I'm sorry. She… She bit me."

"And how did she get close enough to bite you?" Bardolino asked.

He had enough mind to look away guiltily.

"Get out of here," Bardolino hissed, backhanding the younger man.

It was the first time Emily realized that he was just a boy, only in his twenties. _Stupid kid. _She felt a little sorry for him, but that wouldn't prevent her from killing him if it came to that.

"Amateurs," Bardolino muttered as he sauntered over to Emily, making a show out of it before lifting her and the chair she was attached to back up. "Never send a boy to do a man's job," he complained, pulling up a seat to sit in front of Emily. "What do you say we get this party started?"

Emily thought he looked way too excited for the "party."

"How about we don't."

"Don't think you have a choice, lady. You're only still alive because we can't find Nathaniel yet. But don't worry. I'll beat it out of you and once he's mine, I'll take care of you myself."

"You won't find him," Emily said.

"That's what you'd like to think. Bet you also thought we wouldn't find you. Here we are, in this nice little cabin in the woods. You got careless and now he'll be mine."

Bardolino rolled up his shirt sleeves and leaned forward in the chair, inches away from Emily's face.

"Either you tell me, and I go easy on you, or we continue to look, find him eventually, and you die, slowly, painfully, and with the kid watching."

Emily said nothing, just stared at him.

"I see how this is going to go. You're a fighter. Those make it the most fun. You're not going to make this easy on yourself at all, are you?"

"What do you think?" she asked.

He positioned himself awkwardly above her, one hand on her shoulder as the other swung low to punch her gut. Her whole body lurched forward in the chair. It took the wind right out of her. He was satisfied for the moment and took a step back, calling for one of his goons to come and bring the tools.

Emily ignored that and just listened to the men. She could still hear them going through the house. It must've been the second or third round by now and they hadn't found him. It was frustrating Bardolino, especially when he did a round, pleading with Nate to come out to no avail, but it made her proud. Unfortunately, it also set her up for a long time alone with sadistic animals. If what they did to James and Vince was any indication of what was to come, she had to truly brace herself.

And when they returned, that was exactly what she tried to do.

They started out with mental interrogation techniques, threats and such far beyond what would ever be legal to use. They told her in great detail what they could and would do to her if she didn't cooperate. Then they elevated the game.

The slap to the face was child's play. The second punch to her stomach, still didn't make her scream. Not even the rib hit was enough to make her answer a single question. She was silent, stoic, and they weren't used to that from a woman.

But when they unbound her legs, she was confused. Sure, the binding wasn't incredibly tight, especially since one was still in the brace and wouldn't bend, but she was secure. What was the point?

"This from the _accident_?" Bardolino asked as the brace was removed.

"It wasn't an accident," Emily barked.

"No, it wasn't." He smiled. "I'm going to ask you one more time before we take this to the next level. Where is my grandson?"

"Go to hell," she spat, literally.

"Do it," he yelled the order.

Before Emily had time to process, the other man stepped forward, rose his steel toed boot up, and slammed it down onto her already injured knee.

That was the first time she cried out, a long, howl-like whimper; the cry of a wounded dog. There was no stopping it.

"I can take it. I can take it. I can take it," she repeated to herself.

"Keep telling yourself that sweetie."

She hadn't even realized she said it out loud, but she didn't care. They wouldn't get her to tell them anything. James and Vince suffered, so would she if he remained untouched.

Eyes teary, teeth biting so hard into her lip that it bled, Emily taunted them. "What else you got?"

"Oh! A tough one. Get ready boys. She wants more," Bardolino jollily sang.

Rebound, Emily wearily watched them set up, wondering if they were going to do to her exactly what they did to her friends. Break her fingers? Pull off her nails? Knife play? She didn't put it passed them.

Her leg was on fire. Her bruised ribs were hurting all over again. Now, she was biding her time. She needed a way out of there for both her and Nate, but she knew she was no match for a bunch of mobsters with guns and other weapons. She didn't think she could fight them, or she could try, but was probably more likely to get killed than if she just rode out the torture they had planned, though she definitely didn't like the looks of that.

Now, all four men were gathered, talking quietly amongst themselves. Emily could just barely make out some of what was said and pieced it together.

"Still no sign of him?"

"No."

"We checked everywhere. Closets, basement, each room. There's nowhere left to look."

"He didn't disappear. Keep fucking looking."

Two left, and, this time, a bigger, more violent looking man stayed behind with Bardolino… He must be the one in charge of getting information, Emily thought. _Great._

"So," Bardolino said as they walked over. "Where did we leave off?"

"I think you were going to let me go."

"Nice try."

Emily watched in agony as they sharpened a set of knives. All she could think about, while trying to avoid thinking about what they were planning to do with those knives, was why or rather who just carries around knife sets like that.

"You won't kill me," she taunted, letting them know she wasn't afraid.

"No? I had my own son killed, but you think I won't kill you?"

"I have no doubt that you would kill me, but you won't."

"Why not?" he played along.

"Because you can't find him, and you won't without me."

As she talked, she came up with an idea. It was risky, and just thinking about Nate made her question it, but she thought it could have been their only hope. She could take the pain and she could allow them to beat her until there was nothing left but her corpse, but where would that leave Nate? He'd eventually be found, and anything could happen. So, she thought, the risk would have to be worth it.

"That's why we're going to work you over until you're feeling the right kind of talkative."

"That won't work," she told them.

"It's a tried and true method."

"Not with me. I'm not afraid to die. I won't tell you what you want." She swallowed, still tasting the blood from her lip. "Unless you answer something for me first."

"Ask. Maybe I'll answer," he said, feeling generous.

"What do you want with a nine-year-old boy that you don't even know."

"He's my grandson. I'm his grandfather."

"So?"

"So what?"

"So, what does that mean? You still don't know him. You don't know anything about him."

"He's my legacy. That's all I need to know."

"You would have a bigger legacy if you didn't kill all your sons."

Emily didn't get to continue her thought before Bardolino hit her again, the cut on her lip growing.

"My son betrayed me. He abandoned his family and his name. I only did what I had to."

"Are you going to do that to Nate? If he's gay, are you going to shun him?"

"I didn't shun my son."

"That's not what he said."

"Then he should have listened to me. If he had, he'd be alive and a very powerful man."

"Sure," she said. She'd let him believe his fantasy. "But none of that answers what you want with Nate."

"He's my blood and blood is everything. I want Nathaniel to be all his father wasn't. To grow into the man I know he will be and take over once I'm gone."

_Just like Doyle,_ she said to herself. _All men want are warriors to carry on the family business. Narcissistic assholes. _

"He's a child."

"And he will continue to be one, a well-cared for and educated child."

They continued to go around in circles. Emily knew they weren't going to get anywhere. He would only hear what he wanted to hear and there was no reasoning with him, but once he said something remotely human, she used that as her lead into the next step. With each word, Emily tried to play him, slowly ease into "acceptance."

Not only had she bought violence free time, but she was going to get them out of there… hopefully.

"You'd protect him? Always?" she asked, playing off his "love" for Nate and his family. It was a twisted love, but love nonetheless.

"From people like you and everyone else in the world that could hurt him. He'll have a good life."

"Then let me go. I'll take you to him."

"What?"

"You convinced me. You'll take care of him." It was all lies, but she was trying to sell it. "All I want is for him to be safe and happy. I know you can do that. You're going to find him eventually. He shouldn't live a life on the run. It's not the life I thought he'd have, but I don't want him to watch me die. So that's my condition. You can't kill me or anyone in front of him."

"You're not in a place to ask for special treatment."

"I think I am. Promise me that, untie me and help me up the stairs to my room to get something. Then I'll show you where to find him."

He wasn't stupid and he hesitated, but truly believed that torturing her wouldn't work. Whatever game she was playing, he felt compelled to just see what happened. He gave a signal for his goon to do what she said, and as he began untying, Emily didn't even think of trying anything. He was watching her carefully, knowing she was working some angle.

"Make sure she doesn't try anything. She's a wily one."

"I need help walking," she told them. Though she could probably handle the pain, she wanted to appear like a wounded bird, weak and vulnerable.

"Christ, help her, would ya?" Bardolino spoke to his guy.

He nodded and took one of her arms, allowing her to distribute more of her weight onto him as they awkwardly and slowly made it up the stairs.

Bardolino and his goon were glued to her. She could feel the others' guns trained on her… just in case. That would make her next move tricky, but she would time it right.

When they reached the landing, there was someone on each side of her, holding her arms both to help her and keep her from doing anything stupid. They asked which room was hers and she pointed them in the right direction. As they walked, she could see the disarray of the place. Everything was tossed and thrown about. It was a real mess.

"I need you to let me go," she told them. "I need to get a key and I can't do that with you manhandling me."

"Try anything and they shoot."

"Yeah, I got that." She rolled her eyes and looked around the room. "Think you could have left things in some kind of order? He's not hiding in my dresser," she snarked.

"Do what you need to do and shut up."

Emily hesitated. Her gun was in a lock box under her bed. It was in the same lock box with all of her Nate paraphernalia. She didn't really want them to see that. It was one thing for them to just think she was a friend of the family, helping to protect a little boy, or even just an agent helping out, but it was another thing altogether for them to know her direct relation to Nate. They would see biology and either immediately kill her to eliminate the threat or find some other practical use for her. She didn't really want to find out either way.

"We're watching," she was reminded. "Get a move on."

"Sorry," she sarcastically said. "Maybe if I could feel my knee, I could walk a little faster."

"This one really has a mouth on her. I can't tell if I like it or hate it," Bardolino joked with his cronies. "You could just tell us where it is, and we can find it for you."

"Not happening," she told them.

"I can shoot you to make you."

"Yeah, because that would make me faster."

"Seriously, stop talking. Find the key and bring me to my grandson, or I cut my loses and just take you out now."

"Threats don't make me want to comply."

"Help her out before I lose my temper," he told one of his guys.

Child goon Nicky came up beside her and held her arm for support. Emily pushed him away.

"Hands off. I can do it myself."

Quietly, he said to her, "Just let me help. He's not nice when he gets impatient."

"Who is?" she grumbled.

She needed more time to figure out the plan. Four guys and four weapons against her and maybe one gun didn't seem like a fair fight to her. On her best day, she could take them, but now she could barely stand and wasn't sure how she could take them if they caught on to what she was doing.

"He's not in the house," Emily confessed. "There's a fallout shelter on the property."

"I don't believe you. We would have seen him run."

"Would you?" she taunted. "It's buried in the woods behind the house. You have to know where to look. I have the key, but you also need a password to get in."

She was buying time and clearing the way. Willing to challenge her bluff slightly, Bardolino sent one guy to get searching outside. One down. More to go.

"Just do it," she told herself. What was she buying time for? Everyone was at the hospital waiting for the guys who were holding her hostage to show up. No one was coming. "Now or never."

Slowly, she walked over to the bed, hands leaning on it heavily as she lowered herself down to the floor. The only positions her body could get into with her damaged knee didn't allow for much cover, so she needed to be fast and stealthy if she wanted to minimize the chance of death, for her and even for them. She wasn't going out of her way to kill them, just to end this.

She silently took a deep breath and reached for the gun. Her hand hovered over it for a moment, eyes clamping shut as if debating herself. As inconspicuously as possible, Emily slipped the gun into the hem of her pants, thanking herself for choosing a loose-fitting shirt that morning.

"Got it," she said, forcing herself up with a key in her hand.

"Good, now show me to my grandson. No more stalling. What's the password to this bunker?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't need me. So, I think I'll keep that to myself."

Bardolino smiled. "I've decided I actually like you. I might even be a little sad when the time comes to kill you." He gave it another thought. "Or maybe I'll enjoy it. Yeah, I think I will." He pushed her. "Lead the way."

Her escorts were by her side again but before they could take her arms, she took a wobbly step away and turned to face them.

"I'm not taking you to Nate," she boldly said.

"It's funny that you think you have a choice."

"A person always has a choice."

"Well, not you and not this time."

He pulled out his gun and pointed it at her. "Show me or I shoot you."

"Do it," she taunted. "Shoot me."

"Tell me where he is."

One of the men came up behind her. He was slow in attempt to be sneaky, but she could feel him coming. "Now or never," she told herself again and threw herself backward toward him, knocking them both to the ground.

His gun scattered, and she pulled out her own.

"She has a gun," someone yelled. The voices all seemed to merge into one in the chaos. They were all yelling, screaming orders and threats, but all Emily knew was that she was going to fight. Nate was secure. She had spent time prepping that room for war. He was safe.

Another guy lunged at her, knocking the gun from her hand and landing her back on the floor.

"Damn it," she hissed, crawling for the gun.

The lunger was still on her, holding her legs as she reached for the gun. And then the first shot was fired. It was a warning shot.

"Enough," Bardolino yelled. "The next shot will hit someone."

But then a flurry of sound made all of them freeze. Emily panicked. Was it Nate? No, the sound was from downstairs. More men? Maybe. She didn't have time to waste.

Emily reached for the gun that was now beside her just as Bardolino took aim. He fired, but it missed her. She kicked out toward the man on the floor with her. They rumbled a bit, blocking any safe shot for the others. And they continued like that for as long as Emily could as she tried to prevent actual bloodshed, mostly hers.

"FBI! Drop the guns," the team unexpectedly yelled.

Their timing couldn't have been better. Emily sighed in relief as she saw Derek, Hotch, and Dave, her body going slightly limp and the guy she was fighting reacted more tensely. She wondered where the others were, but didn't have time to think about it.

It wasn't over. The mob didn't just give in, especially not when they outnumbered the good guys. Their targets changed, but they still had the same evil glint in their eyes. They were out for blood. It was hard to pinpoint who moved first, but the cabin quickly became a refuge for mayhem. A parade of gunfire sounded, several bodies falling to the ground.


	22. Gunfire

**Chapter 22: Gunfire**

Stressed and worried, the team rushed over to Emily's hideout per Clyde's instructions. Unlike Spencer, who just followed Emily's directions to a tee and didn't get the exact address, Clyde made sure he knew exactly where to find her without the spy tricks.

When they got there, they didn't know what to expect, but their hearts sped when they saw the broken front door. It got worse when they saw the lone set of chairs, cut up bindings, and slight blood on the ground. They didn't take time to analyze, though, because they all launched into action when they heard a shot.

Gunfire…

Hotch signaled for Clyde to lead JJ and Spencer to clear the first floor. It was obvious something was happening upstairs, but they needed everything checked. That left Dave, Derek, and himself to move up. Weapons at the ready, they headed into the fray, hearts pounding with each step. As they made it upstairs, the sounds of yelling and struggle could be heard. Hotch used his hands to communicate with the team to follow him toward the room. Approaching, they could just barely see in, so they didn't take the time to over assess the situation. It was a raw entry scenario.

But it was a shit storm even before they entered Emily's room. They appeared in the room, guns up to, what was essentially, a war zone. Things were everywhere. People were everywhere, and everyone seemed to have a weapon drawn. For a moment, the room was frozen. Their eyes spotted their friend. Emily was on the ground next to a man twice her size who looked ready to kill her. Across the room, were three men and Bardolino.

"FBI. Drop the guns," they called.

All eyes turned to them, now. They knew after announcing their presence that it wouldn't be an easy surrender, but the men were idiots if they thought none of them were going to get hurt in a gunfight, especially in such small quarters.

The action in the room remained stilled only for a second as their eyes, once again searched, quickly, for Emily and any sign of Nate. Spotting her, they moved back to the target. That was when the first shot was fired. Then another, and another. There was yelling and noise, and it seemed to happen in a split second that felt like the longest moment ever.

It was impossible to follow who was shooting at who and who had been hit until the chaos settled down. They were trying to be cognizant of Emily's position and remember that Nate could potentially be somewhere in that room, so they had to be careful and avoid aiming in that direction, but shots were being fired at the team in rapid succession and the only cover they had was the doorway they came in through.

There was no telling what the damage was until the dust began to settle. There were thuds… Body thuds, so as soon as things quieted, clips emptied, everyone looked around, the team fully reentering the room after seeking some cover with the door.

"Don't do it," Hotch commanded.

Bardolino was reaching for a new clip, thinking he was going to have the last word, but not on their watch he wasn't. Still, he didn't take orders well and kept moving. Hotch didn't hesitate, taking the shot. Hit him square in the shoulder of his shooting hand. The gun fell to the ground and Bardolino yelled out, "Son of a bitch."

The one goon left standing dropped his gun and held his hands up in surrender. Hotch looked over his shoulder to Derek and motioned for him to move in and secure the subjects. By now, JJ, Spencer, and Clyde had joined them. The Brit was down on the ground along with Dave.

"Everyone ok?" Hotch asked, eyes shifting between Bardolino, Emily, and the others.

"Rossi's hit," Clyde told him.

"How bad?"

"I'm ok," Dave said. "Just a little blood. Definitely not going to get the stain out of this jacket."

"I'm calling for a medic," JJ said. "The officers are pulling in now. They'll bring something up to help for now."

Hotch nodded and took stock of everyone. No one else seemed hurt, but Emily hadn't said anything yet.

"Emily? Are you alright?"

She took a deep breath and responded, "I've been better."

Hotch, seeing that Derek and Spencer had Bardolino and the other – Nicky – secured, the seven others who had been on the premises confirmed dead, holstered his weapon and took the opportunity to head over to Emily. As he passed Dave, he bent down to check on him.

"It's a through and through," Dave said. "I'll be fine as long as the medics close me up."

"Clyde, keep pressure on it."

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he jabbed. "Go to Emily."

He ignored Clyde's snark and made his way to Emily.

"Can you get up?" Hotch asked.

Emily was on the ground behind the bed, her eyes looking at the blood sprayed around her room until she locked her eyes on Dave.

"Is he going to be ok?"

"We think so. The medics are on the way."

"Bardolino's still alive."

"Unfortunately." Hotch questioned whether he should have aimed differently. He could have ended him and thus the threat he carried.

"I need to get to Nate," she told him.

"Where is he, Emily?"

"He'll only come out for me."

"You're bleeding," he noticed.

"What?"

"Have you been hit?" Now he was down on the ground beside her, looking her over. There was blood on her face, but it looked like it was all from her lip.

"I don't think it's mine," Emily said, her head pointing to the dead body beside her. "He was going to shoot me."

"It's ok. You did what you had to. Did they hurt you?"

She shrugged. He took that as a yes.

"Can you stand? Can you walk?"

"I don't know. My knee… It's not… It's worse. I don't know. I don't care. I need to go to Nate."

"I'm going to help you up."

Other officers had arrived on scene now. They were just entering the room and ready to escort out the prisoners.

"This isn't over, Bitch," Bardolino yelled at Emily as he was ushered out. Somehow, he got to her. It didn't feel over, not with him still breathing and not with his vast connections still alive.

In the background, they could hear Derek telling him to shut up as he pushed the man out of the room, officers behind him with Nicky.

"Don't listen to him," Hotch said, pulling her up from the ground.

Emily cringed.

"What do you think? Can you walk at all?"

As painful as it was to admit, she answered, "No. I don't think so." She just hoped she didn't completely blow out her knee.

"Tell me where Nate is. I can get him."

"It has to be me. I need you to take me to his room. It's not far."

"Do you trust me?" Hotch asked.

A confused Emily simply said, "Yes."

"Good," he replied and then, without warning, picked her up bridal style.

"What are you doing?" Emily was caught off guard.

"Your knee is hurt, you can't walk, and we need to get to Nate," he said. "He's probably scared right now, and if you won't let me go to him alone, then this is how it's going to happen. Or you can wait for the medics."

"Fine," Emily huffed, embarrassed.

The team watched curiously. Spencer more worriedly than the rest. "Is she ok?" he asked his boss.

"She's hurt."

"She can speak for herself, and she is fine," Emily said. "I just can't walk. No brace, no crutches, and a little knee stomp equals no walking."

They weren't going to let her live down the whole damsel in distress and knight in shining armor moment that seemed to be occurring, but Emily didn't care. Even as much as she wanted to check on Dave, she wanted to get to Nate. No stopping. She urged Hotch on. Dave had the rest of the team to look after him. He'd be ok. They all would.

"You can put me down here," Emily said once they got to Nate's room. "Thank you."

"Sure. No problem," he replied, gently placing her on her feet.

Emily straightened out her shirt and grabbed the nearest surface, Nate's bedpost, to help her move as close to the closet as possible.

"Where is he?" Hotch asked as he watched her.

"There's a door-like hatch in the closet that leads to the attic. This was a kid's room, so they sealed it off, but I fixed it up to be like a safe room that can be locked from the inside in case this happened."

"Good thing you did. Is there another entrance?"

"I haven't found one which is why I thought it was the perfect hiding spot."

Emily pulled open the closet door and pushed all the clothes and stuff out of the way. It was a hard door to see unless someone was looking for it. Spotting the lock, Emily pulled out her key. Before opening it, though, she knocked.

"Nate? It's Emily. I'm coming in."

He didn't say anything, but Emily still opened the door. No way was she making it up the stairs.

"Nate, can you come down please? Everything is ok now."

When he didn't answer again, Emily worried and looked to Hotch.

"You want me to go up?" He offered.

"Would you? I don't think I'd make it up the stairs."

He nodded.

"Nate, my friend Hotch, Jack's dad, is going to come get you. You can trust him. Alright?"

Emily motioned for Hotch to go and patiently waited for them to return.

Hotch announced himself as he walked, letting Nate know it was only him and that he had nothing to be afraid of. He saw the boy huddled in the corner behind an old, dusty table turned over on its side. He had a makeshift trench, ready for war.

"Nate. I'm coming closer. You remember me, right? I'm Hotch."

Nate peeked out to make sure it was him, his arms clutching Patch. "Where's Emily? Is she ok? Did bad people get her?"

"Emily's ok," Hotch answered. "She hurt her knee again and can't walk up the stairs, but she's worried about you."

"There was a lot of noise. I was good and stayed here just like she told me. No one found me."

"You did good, Nate. What do you say we get out of here now, though? Emily's waiting for you and I know she wants to see you."

"I want to see her too," he admitted.

"Then let's go." Hotch held out a hand for Nate, which he hesitantly took. "Everything's going to be ok," Hotch quietly told Nate as he led him to Emily.

Nate practically ran to Emily at the bottom of the steps, immediately wrapping his arms around her, squishing Patch between them.

"I know that was scary," Emily whispered, "But it's over. It's all over."

She hoped. She really did. They were going to have to talk about what happened and she would have to really see where his head was at, but for now, she just wanted to hug him. Sat there, crouched at the bottom of the steps, she just held him.

"You're hurt," he told her, staring sadly at her face. It was like his big, doe eyes were staring right through her, looking for transparency.

Emily just gave him another deep squeeze, inhaling his scent before pulling away, hand on each shoulder, and saying, "I'm ok. Really. I just bit my lip. That's all." Emily wiped a stray tear from under his eye. "You don't have to be afraid anymore. We're ok, and we're going to stay that way."

"Are you sure you're not hurt?"

"My knee got a little hurt again, but that just means I'll be hobbling a little longer," she said, making light of the situation. At this point, she was just happy that she had on a dark undershirt so that she could slip off the lighter shirt she had been wearing that now had blood splatter all over. That would have terrified Nate.

"Do you need to go to the hospital again?"

Emily looked to Hotch this time. He was watching the whole time, a little in awe of how fast their relationship had formed and how _maternal_ Emily seemed with Nate.

"I think she should, Nate," Hotch interjected. "Just to be safe. Her knee looks swollen again. We should make sure it's not too bad."

"But I can come, right?"

"We're all going to go."

Nate put his hand in Emily's as if he was gripping for his life. Emily's hold was just as tight. Hotch came up beside her and said, "Lean on me, alright?" No way was Nate going to let her go, so Hotch offered assistance.

They could see the coroner and medics arrived while they were getting Nate. Bardolino was tended to and taken to a hospital before being booked and processed. Another was tending to Dave.

"I don't want him to see in there," Emily told Hotch.

"We'll go downstairs."

Emily nodded and turned to Nate. "I need you to head downstairs. Hotch is going to help me down, so we'll be right behind you. Things are a mess down there, but you don't have to worry." He already noticed things were a mess everywhere.

"Who are those people in your room?" he asked, pointing.

She and Hotch looked at the commotion. The coroners were in there with the bodies. Emily hoped the medics were downstairs, probably out front, with Dave.

"I'll tell you once we're out of here. I promise. We'll talk a lot and I'll answer your questions, but right now, we should get downstairs. There are cops down there and they won't hurt you, so don't be nervous if you see them."

Nate looked around timidly.

"Hey Nate," Hotch said, kneeling down to his height. "What if I walk down with you?"

"What about Emily?"

"She can wait here for just a moment. I'll take you downstairs and bring you to our friends. Then I'll come back."

"Friends?"

"Remember," Emily started. "You met Spencer. And we have other friends, too. JJ, she has a son just a little younger than you. Maybe you can meet him soon."

"And see Jack again?"

"Yeah," Hotch answered. "He'd like that. First, we have to get out of here."

"Ok," he replied after looking to Emily and getting a nod.

"I'll be right back," Hotch told Emily. "Don't try anything stupid while I'm gone."

Emily promised she wouldn't. Honestly, her knee was in serious pain and she didn't want to make it worse by trying to hop down a flight of stairs. No, she was staying put, though she drew the line at him carrying her again.

Meanwhile, Hotch escorted Nate out of the house. The ambulances were outside along with their SVUs, a few uniformed police cruisers, and a more organized chaos.

"They're just here to keep everyone safe," Hotch told Nate when he saw the boy get nervous.

He looked around to see where everyone was. It looked like JJ was with Dave in the ambulance as he got treated. Clyde was on the phone nearby, and Spencer was talking with an officer. Hotch didn't want him to see Dave shot and get scared, so he brought Nate over to Spencer.

"Spencer," he called out, gently nudging Nate toward the younger agent.

"Hey Nate. How are you?" Spencer asked after excusing himself with the officer and heading to them.

Nate shrugged. "Ok, I guess."

Hatch gave him a shoulder pat. "Can you keep him company while I go help Emily?"

"Yeah. Sure. Maybe we can get the others to draw on your cast. What do you say, Nate?"

"Maybe. Can they draw like you and Emily?"

Spencer leaned down and whispered, "Don't tell them I told you, but no, they really can't."

"Alright, I'm going to get Emily. We'll be right back and get you out of here, Nate."

"You have to get her crutches," Nate told Hotch before he left. "They're in the living room somewhere."

"I'll get them," Hotch promised. He smiled a reassuring smile and then left.

Spencer told Nate that he wanted to introduce him to a few people. Derek was out, deciding to go get Penelope after he followed the officers going with Bardolino to the hospital. He wanted to make sure nothing went wrong while the idiot mobster got patched up. Plus, someone had to keep Penelope apprised and he was the best one for the job. Everyone else was still around though.

"I know him," Nate said, pointing to Clyde. "He's Emily's friend too. He was nice and let me have an extra cookie. Plus, he let me win a card game."

Spencer got a kick out of that, not used to the soft side of Clyde Easter. "Well, I'm going to introduce you to JJ. She's only of Emily's best girlfriends."

"Girlfriend? Is Emily gay like my dads?"

"Oh… uh? No? I mean, I don't think so," Spencer stumbled. "That's a question for her," he recovered. "JJ is one of Emily's best friends," _better. _"You'll meet Penelope and Derek later, but I think you'll like everyone."

"Cool."

The meeting went well, and JJ loved getting to meet Nate. They held off on letting him meet Dave and the meeting with JJ was cut short when the ambulance wanted to take him to the hospital, but JJ made clear two things. One, Nate and Henry would definitely need to have a playdate, and two, Penelope was going to be so upset that she wasn't there to meet him first.

JJ rode with Dave to the hospital while Spencer and Clyde hung back with Nate to wait for Emily to come out and be seen by the remaining medic. Emily and Hotch came out shortly after they left. Despite the crutches being available, Emily still leaned on Hotch until they reached the ambulance.

"I don't think I need an ambulance ride," Emily huffed. She was going to the hospital either way. Why did she need to go with an ambulance?

"Humor us," Clyde said.

They all asked Nate whether he was hurt at all. Each time he answered no. He was shaken, but physically unharmed, minus the broken arm. Emily and the medic were in the back of the bus as he looked her over. There was no major trauma he needed to attend to there, so they were ready to roll. Emily asked for a moment.

"Nate, you're going to ride in the ambulance with me unless you want to drive with one of the guys."

"You," he answered quickly. He wasn't ready to leave her side.

Hotch looked to the other men and said, "Alright guys. We'll meet at the hospital. Spencer, check in with JJ for an update on Dave's condition as soon as you get there."

"You don't need to ride with us," Emily told Hotch. "The three of you can drive together and we'll meet up after you check in with Dave."

"Actually," Clyde stepped in. "I would like a word with Emily that can't wait. I will accompany them."

"Fine," Hotch agreed. There was no point in arguing about it.

Clyde lifted Nate into the ambulance with Emily before hopping in himself. The medic closed the door behind them and got into the driver's seat. Clyde and Nate strapped in on the bench seat for the ride.

"What did you want to talk about?" Emily asked Clyde. "And is it appropriate for little ears?"

He gave her a look. "Our mole has been taken care of."

"And by that you mean?"

"My guys were watching her. They just took her in. She's being questioned."

"She's going to want to make a deal," Emily said.

"She's not getting one."

"She won't talk otherwise."

"We have our ways, and those, I shall not discuss in the presence of the child."

"Good." Emily smiled. "What happens to Kurt now?"

"That's something we'll need to discuss. You and I along with him, but that'll hold for a while. I have him so scared, he'll mess himself if I just look at him too long."

Emily rolled her eyes before giving him a serious look.

"We're taking them all down, aren't we, Clyde?"

"Absolutely. I will fly to every country to do it myself if I must."

"I don't think that will be necessary, but thanks," she said, taking his hand.

It was a quick talk, but one he wanted to have right away. Things were moving along in Europe and word about Bardolino's arrest was sure to spread like wildfire there, so Clyde wanted to act quickly and keep Emily abreast. A short, boring ride to the hospital felt like the right time for it.

When they did arrive at the hospital, the guys pulled up behind them. Emily insisted that they take Nate and keep him occupied. The doctor, undoubtedly, would want her to get a few scans on her leg done to see what she did to it now, and that would take a while.

"Don't worry. We'll take care of him."

"I'll see you soon, Nate," she told him as she was wheeled away. She wished she had more time to reassure him that she would be alright, and he didn't need to follow her around to know that, but she knew the guys would take care of that for her.

"What do you say? Want a little late-night snack?" Clyde asked Nate.

Nate shook his head. "I want to be with Emily. I don't want her to be alone."

"Hey, she's not alone. One of us will go find her and keep watch to make sure she listens to the doctors and then we'll take you to her," Hotch said.

"I'd like to go be with her," Spencer offered.

The others nodded. "We'll go meet with JJ and talk with Derek to let them know where to find us."

"Great, and I'll let you know what happens with Emily."

They separated.

It would be another few hours before they were all together again. A nervous Penelope ran into the hospital, Derek right behind her, as they chased down the team. She was anxious to not only see that everyone was actually ok, but to meet little Nate who had her friend country hopping and in hiding to keep him safe.

That had to be another special little boy.

"Oh! There! There, I see them," Penelope yelled, everyone in the waiting room staring at her.

JJ and Clyde were hanging out in the hall outside of Dave's room while the doctor was in with him.

"Is Dave ok? Is Emily?" She did a quick look around. "Where's Hotch? Spencer? And where's Nate?"

"One question at a time, Baby Girl," Derek said. "Slow your roll."

She took a deep breath and waited for a response. "Well?"

"Dave's doing fine. No major damage. He's just getting stitches put in and he'll be good as new."

"And Emily?"

"Reid's with her. He just called and said that she's being seen by the doctor now. It's nothing serious, just her knee," JJ answered. "They're going to take her for some scans and then we can go see her too."

"Hotch and Nate?"

"They are…"

"Right here," Hotch said as he and Nate returned from the bathroom.

"Oh! Look at that face in person," Penelope lit up in glee by another child in the bunch. Blood or not, he was part of their dysfunctional family now. "Hi Nate, I'm Penelope."

"Hi," he responded.

"Is it possible for him to look like Emily? Am I seeing things because I'm so excited?" She didn't wait for an answer. "You're a handsome little man. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"I guess, yeah."

"Cool. So, how about we spend a little time together before we go see Emily?"

Penelope didn't give the poor kid a choice. She dragged him off to the chairs and told everyone to let her know when they could go and see either of their friends. And while they waited, Penelope spent the time peppering Nate with questions and getting to know him. She was excited, and even though Nate was initially put off by her larger than life personality, she grew on him.

Meanwhile, Emily was doing ok too. The scans were going to take a while to get back, but the doctor was sure that she added a meniscal tear to her ACL injury. The nurse braced her leg up again and gave her some ice. The doctor told her to rest. The swelling was back, and everything was bruised. It hadn't had a chance to heal before it was hurt again.

"Really did a number on it," the doctor told her.

She held back the sarcastic remark that was sitting on the tip of her tongue.

"You're lucky nothing's broken, but you'll be in pain for a while."

"I know the drill," Emily told him, ignoring Spencer who, she could see, wanted to do more than just observe.

"I suggest meeting with an orthopedic surgeon and getting this fixed as soon as possible."

"I'll look into it. Thank you."

After a few hours, Emily was told she could go. There was nothing more they could do for her in the moment. Surgery was needed but down the road.

Before then, though, Spencer wanted to talk with her, too.

"What happens now?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you staying here? What about Nate? What happens to him?"

"I don't know. I really don't. It's something I'm going to need to think about. Right now, I just need to figure out where I'm going to stay tonight."

"You can stay with me," he offered.

"I appreciate that, Spence, but your place isn't exactly crutches friendly."

"I can make it so it is."

"Don't. Really. I'll figure something out."

"If you change your mind…"

"You'll be the first to know."

"May I ask one more question?"

"I think you just did."

"Well, another."

Emily nodded.

"Are you going to tell Nate, you know, that you're his biological mother?"

Emily stared at him, questioning the answer. "I… have no idea."

"What about the team? Are you going to tell them?"

"Another question?" she laughed and then sighed. "I can't say one way or another."

"Eventually, especially if you stay here and especially if you continue to take care of Nate, they're going to notice the similarities or Garcia's going to keep digging while we prep for Bardolino's trial, and they're going to suspect. They'll write it off at first, but if James doesn't wake up…"

"He will," Emily insisted.

"But if he doesn't, admitting you're his mother will make it easier for you to keep custody."

"I don't want to think about this right now." She ran her hand over her face. She was far too tired and in too much pain to be even thinking about this.

"You don't have to. Not now, but you're going to have to eventually."

"I will, but not tonight."

"Alright," he gave in.

"We're good to go, Spence," Emily said. "Let's just go check on Dave, so I can get Nate somewhere to sleep in an actual bed for the night."

"We should pick up your prescription."

"Later."

Spencer agreed and the two made their way to the group. Most of them were asleep or didn't see them coming, so Spencer went to go meet with them while Emily headed to see Dave alone. As she neared the room, she could hear Hotch and Dave talking.

"You know, I told them to patch me up there so I could wait to see that Emily and Nate were ok with my own eyes. They did give me a quick fix, but they said I still had to go to the hospital."

"Well," Emily said, using her crutches to painfully approach them. "We're ok, and I'm so sorry, Dave. I didn't mean for any of you to get hurt."

"It's part of the job, kid. They tell me I should be fine. Bullet missed any the arteries. Didn't even need a transfusion. So, all this means is I have an excuse to sit at home and relax for a few days. I've been meaning to start my next book anyway."

"Glad to hear a bullet wound is getting you motivated."

"I'm old. I need rest anyway. What about you? Are you ok?"

"Of course. Doyle couldn't bring me down, and neither can the mob."

"Funny," Hotch quipped, making it clear it wasn't.

"Nate and I are ok. I have to find a specialist for my knee once I figure out where Nate and I will be staying."

"I'd offer my place," Dave said, "But there are a hell of a lot of stairs and no comfortable couch on the first floor, plus two other houseguests."

"Thanks Dave. Don't worry about it. I'll probably just head to my mother's."

"You can stay with me tonight."

"What?"

"There's an elevator in my building, the apartment's only one floor, and Jack's staying at his aunt's for the night. Nate can take Jack's room, you can take mine, and I'll spend the night on the pull out in my office."

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose."

"I'm sure. Nate's tired. Already passed out on Garcia in the chairs out there. We can talk more about things tomorrow. Tonight, I think we all need some rest to celebrate the victory."

"I wouldn't call my getting shot a victory," Dave added, "But he's right. Take the man's offer and get out of here Emily. I get out tomorrow, or well this afternoon. We can all get together and spend some more time getting to know this kid that has you so enamored and catching up with you."

Emily nodded. "I've really missed you guys."

"We've missed you too. Now get out of here," Dave ordered.

Hotch escorted Emily out. Most of the team was still there. JJ and Penelope were both asleep with Nate and Derek was talking with Clyde. Everyone who was there and still awake looked worn and tired, like they had just been through battle, and they had. But even the greetings weren't as enthusiastic as they normally would be. They were beat.

"You should wake up Garcia. Say hello."

"I'll leave that to you. I'll personally go see her tomorrow, but right now, all I want is a place to crash and a shower."

"I'll cool her temper once she finds out you left without saying hello."

"Thanks Derek." Emily hugged him and everyone else that was still awake. "Hotch's place has an elevator and an extra bed for the night, so Nate and I will be there if you need me."

No one gave her sleeping arrangement a second thought, just told her to take care of herself and get some rest. Hotch had Emily wait while he went to pick up a sleeping Nate. He was sure to also grab the stuffed dog that fell from the boy's arms.

"Ready?"

"More than ready," Emily answered.

It wasn't until they were at Hotch's place, Nate was in bed, and Emily had a shower that she finally felt like this was over, or as over as it could be with Bardolino still alive. Still, something Spencer said resonated with her. It furthered something that had been on her mind and made her unable to sleep.

Nate was her son, biologically, but she had no legal right to him. Did she want to tell Nate that she was his mother? Yes and no. The same went for the team, but that was the least of her worries. There was a very real possibility, despite her attempts not to think about it, that James could die, and if something happened to James, Nate could be taken from her.

More than anything, she wanted to stay in Nate's life and help give him the life he deserved, the life she always hoped he had. She wanted him to go to a real school, make real friends, and have a real, extended family. Right now, she was the only one that could offer that.

"Hotch?" Emily called into the office where Hotch was sleeping. "Are you awake?"

_No._ "Huh?"

"Are you awake?"

"I am now."

"I know it's late, and I'm sorry, but I need to talk."

"Alright," he sat up. "Let's talk."


	23. Talk

_Early... Again. Enjoy. _

**Chapter 23: Talk**

"Hotch?" Emily called into the office where Hotch was sleeping. "Are you awake?"

_No._ "Huh?"

"Are you awake?"

"I am now."

"I know it's late, and I'm sorry, but I need to talk."

"Alright," he sat up. "Let's talk."

He sleepily patted the space on the bed next to him for Emily to come sit. He had no idea how she was still up and running. He was tired and he wasn't the one that was bruised all over and in pain. He checked with the doctors, said it was official business, and knew she had a few bruised ribs and deep bruising on her stomach. The doctors took pictures and wrote a detailed report for them to add to the case files and Emily would be giving a formal statement in the morning. Point was, no way was she not tired.

"What's going on Emily?"

Just loud enough for him to hear, she said, "It's about Nate."

"Did he wake up? He ok?"

"He's fine… Mostly. What I meant was…" she stumbled with her words. She was tired, a little emotional, and not sure what she was expecting to get done in the middle of the night. "Vince is dead, James is in the hospital, and we don't know when or if he'll fully recover."

He waited for her to continue.

"I've spent a lot of time with Nate. I've known him most of his life," even if mostly through letters. "And now, I need to take care of him. I want him to have a good life and I want to keep him here with me so that I can give him that while James remains in the hospital."

"What are you asking, Emily?"

"As a former lawyer, I need you to help me get legal custody of him or tell me what to do. I don't know what happens next, but I want Nate to be a normal, happy kid. I want him to go to school, a real school, and stay in that same school for as long as he can."

"You want to give him stability."

"As best I can. He just… he's important to me. I want him to know that, and I owe it to him… and James," she added, "to do right by him."

He saw how worried she was about it, so he put his hand on her good leg and squeezed. "I was never in family law, but I can look into it in the morning."

Emily just nodded.

"We'll figure it out. In the meantime, you need rest. There's nothing we can do right now."

"I know… I just wish there was."

"You don't need to worry. Tomorrow, we'll come up with a plan."

"Ok."

"Get to bed. Do you need help?"

"I think I can do it," Emily said, but her voice was a little shaky. She was a ball of emotion.

"Let me help you anyway. Did you take anything for the pain?"

"No. I never picked up my prescription."

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have stopped on the way here."

"I just wanted to get here. Thanks for the clothes, by the way."

"It was no problem. Now," he stood and helped her up. "Come on. To bed."

He helped her to the room and sat her on the bed before abruptly leaving. He came back quickly with a bottle of water and some pills.

"It won't do much, but it should take the edge off."

"You didn't have to, but thanks. For everything."

"You're welcome. There's an extra pillow to put under your leg to keep in elevated. Use it. Get some sleep. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

Emily smiled and nodded before taking the pills he gave her. Their fingers lingered a little longer than necessary before she withdrew to pop the pills in her mouth. Usually, she didn't like people fussing over her, but after weeks in hiding, always on guard, it was nice.

"Night, Hotch."

"Night Emily."

This time, when Emily's head hit the pillow, she fell asleep right away. There were still plenty of thoughts floating around her mind, but weariness outweighed the stress of it. It seemed the case for Nate, too. He hadn't woken that night.

No one even woke up before nine, and at that point, the place got loud when Jack came running into the apartment with his aunt. It was quiet when they went in and Hotch wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Dad! I'm home," Jack yelled. "I brought breakfast."

"Hey, no yelling. Go put the food in the fridge, Jack, and then put your things in your room," Jessica instructed her nephew.

"Ok," he agreed.

Jessica then went in search of Hotch, heading to his room. "Aaron?" she called out to the sleeping form in the bed. "Aaron, come on. Get up. I know you worked last night, but I have a busy day today and Jack –"

She paused when she saw the person in the bed move, the face becoming clear.

"You're not Aaron."

Emily scrunched up her eyes and tried to shake the sleepiness. "Jessica?" she asked.

"What are you doing in Aaron's bed?"

"Sleeping," she stupidly answered.

"Jessica?" Hotch asked from the doorway.

Jessica faced him. "What is she doing in your bed? Are you sleeping with her?"

"What?" They both asked.

"Dad? Why is Nate sleeping in my bed?" Jack asked, joining the party in Hotch's room. "Emily's here, too?"

Hotch gently took Jessica's arm and nudged her. "Why don't we go talk in the living room and give Emily a moment to wake up?"

"Fine," Jessica agreed, glaring back at Emily as they left.

As soon as they were out of the room, Jessica quietly, so that Jack couldn't hear, asked, "What is going on? You didn't do that to her, right?"

Hotch froze and looked at her like she was out of her mind.

"Excuse me?" He held up a hand to tell her to stop and then squeezed it into a fist. "Jack, can you go back to your room and wake Nate up. He and Emily will be staying here for the day. See if you can help him find some clothes that fit that he can borrow for the day."

"Alright. And then can we go to the park. You said we could play baseball before school starts."

"We'll see."

Jack went to help Nate and Hotch glared at Jessica.

"Please tell me that you didn't do that to her neck and that you didn't send Jack to me so you can go on a date or something."

Hotch sighed. He noticed it too. Her neck was very bruised. He didn't know how he missed it the night before, but there was no missing it now.

"Of course I didn't do that to her, and I told you there was a case. You know me better than that."

Jessica looked remorseful. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just… jumped to conclusions, but something is going on. What happened?"

"You remember Emily, don't you? We worked together in the past."

"And she is staying here because?"

"The place where she was staying is a crime scene," he said, summing up all the explanation Jessica needed.

"Oh. Is she ok?"

"She will be. She needed a place to sleep last night that didn't have stairs because of her leg. I offered my place."

"How long is she staying?"

"I don't know. That's something we're going to have to discuss, both her and me and Jack and me, too."

"So, she was the case?"

"She was part of it. We can't get into it, Jessica."

"Who's Nate and how does Jack know him?"

"He's a child that is a friend of Jack's."

"Emily's kid?"

"Jessica, why are you giving me the third degree? You never do this."

"I don't always walk in on your home being occupied by random people."

"They're not random, and I'm helping a friend."

"You've always been a helper, Aaron." Jessica smiled. "It's where Jack gets it from. Look, I have to go. The kids have a soccer game, but warn me next time someone's going to be here so there's no awkward moment."

"Will do," he said. "Thanks for watching Jack."

"You know I don't mind. We'll talk later."

"Bye Jessica."

"Bye. Bye Jack," she yelled.

Once she left, Hotch ran his hand through his hair and asked, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know she thinks we're an item and either very kinky or in an abusive relationship. Don't know that I could picture you in either category."

"Stop picturing anything," he said, rolling his eyes. "She sometimes forgets reality when she is met with a potentially uncomfortable situation. Not that she gets a say, but she gets a little territorial when it comes to girlfriends being around Jack."

"Sister loyalty. Nothing wrong with that."

"No. So," he turned to face her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good."

"Yeah? Your voice is a little hoarse."

"What can I say, rough night."

"One of them tried to strangle you?" he asked.

Self-consciously, her hands went to her neck. She hadn't looked in the mirror since after her shower. It looked bad then. She supposed it looked worse today.

"Yeah," she admitted. "It's nothing."

"It's something, but we don't need to talk about it now if you don't want to."

"I don't."

"I'll respect that."

"Thanks." Emily made her way over to the couch. Hotch ran to her side and escorted her the rest of the way.

"So, Jack is obviously home. He's helping Nate find some clothes for the day. I thought I'd get dressed, find some suitable clothes for you, we'll have breakfast, and then we could talk about last night. Also, I know Reid took a preliminary statement at the hospital, but someone outside of the team is going to want to take a more formal statement from you and Nate."

"Later," Emily agreed. She knew it would have to happen. There was just so much she had to do and think about.

"Stay here while I get you some clothes. Maybe we can have JJ or Garcia grab some stuff for you."

The rest of the morning was spent keeping the boys occupied and waiting for Garcia and JJ to come with some clothes and necessities for them. As expected, Penelope wasn't happy that Emily disappeared from the hospital before she got her big hello, but she got over it when they got to have a little girl time while Hotch took the boys out for some play at the park. First, he checked on Dave, who was home resting comfortably, and worked on making some calls for Emily to learn more about the custody situation.

Immediately upon arrival, Penelope roped Emily into a bone crushing hug, telling her how awesome it was to finally see her in person.

"You don't look great."

"Um, thanks PG. That's what every woman likes to hear from one of her best friends."

"I just mean, well," Penelope gesticulated and pointed out her neck making a choking gesture.

"Yeah, I know. It's not pretty."

"Ignore her, Em. Here," JJ said and passed her a bag. "I grabbed what I could. I have another bag for Nate."

"Thanks."

"Nate's a love, by the way," Penelope added.

Emily proudly replied, "He's pretty great."

"Cute as a button."

"And funny."

"He reminds me a lot of James," Emily told them, looking through her bag. "Give me a minute. I'm going to change."

"Go ahead."

The ladies chatted amongst themselves when Emily left, but were prepared to pepper her with questions once she returned.

"Thanks for grabbing my stuff," Emily said, feeling a little better after changing into clothes that fit her.

"No problem," JJ said.

"Yeah. We're just happy to see you. You just left last night, not bothering to even let us know."

"I'm sorry," Emily told them. "You were both asleep and I was dead on my feet, in desperate need of a shower and bed. Any talk would have been rushed. This is better, right? Now we have time to talk and… gossip." She knew that would make Penelope happy.

"Gossip?!"

Emily had just the thing to share. "Jessica walked in on me in Hotch's bed this morning."

"What?"

"Was he in there too?" Penelope asked, salivating at the thought of something scandalous.

"No, of course not." Emily grinned. "He slept in his office and gave me his bed. Nate took Jack's room."

"Ah, that's no fun," Penelope grumbled. "What did Jessica say?"

Emily gave them a rundown of the morning. They were amused even if it wasn't juicy, but it didn't detract from some of the questions they had. Penelope was still upset that Emily didn't come directly to the team, and more importantly, directly to her.

"I mean, Reid. Really? Reid! He may be a boy genius and all, but I'm the goddess of all knowledge cyberspace and beyond."

Emily explained to her that she didn't want to reach out digitally. Reid was her analogue friend. The way she reached out to Reid was covert enough that, she honestly believed, only he could possibly understand it. It wasn't anything personal. She didn't think, at first, that she would need any help aside from her forger friends, but then things went south. They went south so quickly, there was no time to even ask for help until things cooled down.

"I'm sorry that you feel offended or upset that I didn't come to you right away, but it wasn't personal, and I didn't want to risk Nate's safety or yours."

"But you went to your mother."

"Well, she had the money and ability to get me what I needed without needing government permission."

"Fine," Penelope huffed. "I can't argue with logic. I just wanted to help. I could have helped more."

"You did help. All of you did, and I didn't get to thank you, so I am now. Thank you so much. I'd do anything to keep Nate safe, but I was only able to do that because I knew all of you were there to help me do it, to help me keep him and myself safe."

"You make it really hard to be mad at you," Penelope said.

"She's right," JJ agreed. "And you're welcome. We love you and we just want you to be alright."

"I am… I will be."

"Want to tell us about what happened with them last night?"

"What's there to tell?"

"How that happened to your neck for starters."

"And the lip," Penelope added.

"Oh," Emily's hand went to her mouth. "I bit my lip." Of course, getting hit there made it worse, hence the slight bruise on her face. "And you're both smart enough to figure out how the bruise got on my neck."

"I think we are."

"I just made him angry. Shouldn't have bit him, you know, especially when I wasn't in a position to really fight back."

"You bit someone?"

"Well, he was being an ass."

"Talk to us," JJ encouraged, steering them away from the darker stuff. "Tell us about Nate and everything."

"What do you want to know?"

"Let's start from the beginning. You know James from high school, right?"

"Yeah. We were best friends at Garfield High."

"You stayed in touch?"

"For a while, then not so much. We've exchanged letters and the occasional email." Her eyes grew darker and her expression a little sullener. "We lost touch after I started undercover work. I suppose that's to be expected."

"And Nate?"

Just thinking about him made her glow. "He was born while I was away. When I came back, and met him, I fell in love. He was the sweetest baby."

"You sound like a proud mama," Penelope threw out there and immediately made Emily more conscious of what she was saying.

"James and I were always very close, so I spent a lot of time with him and Nate while Vince was working. Vince and I didn't get along, and he didn't like that I helped out with Nate when he wasn't around. We started drifting after that. They moved, I moved, and we talked a couple of times a year after that. It became less and less, but we still exchanged mail every so often until James called me."

They liked hearing her talk about Nate and learning more about the Emily from before they knew her. Still, they wanted to move on to what happened much more recently. They wanted to hear the side of things that they couldn't uncover with their research and detective skills.

"I don't want you guys to worry. I don't have any PTSD or trauma from Bardolino and his goons."

"Emily, we saw what they did to James and Dominic, or Vince, whatever name we're using."

"Vince," Emily stated.

JJ nodded and continued, "If they did any of that to you…"

"They didn't get the chance. And if they did, I've been trained to handle it and worse. I'm ok. Really. A little banged up and my leg will likely need surgery. I may be a little on edge until it sinks in that he's in jail, but I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she assured them. "If something comes up or I feel like maybe I need to talk, you two are the first people I will go to."

"Not Reid or Hotch?" Penelope asked, pouting.

"The two of you," she promised.

"Alright, then can we get back to gossip. Boy do I have a story for you."

Penelope began a long-winded story about some office watercooler talk. Emily was happy for the change of pace. Eventually, though, Emily had to ask them to go. Hotch called and let her know that an agent was coming to talk to her and Nate. He had just gotten off the phone with Agent Rodgers who was taking over as case liaison between Boston PD and Interpol.

"I also talked to a friend of mine while the boys were wearing each other out. We'll talk tonight," Hotch told her.

"Ok."

She wasn't looking forward to giving the formal statement, nor was she looking forward to hearing Nate's version of events, but she knew they had to do it. It was better to just get it over and done with. Which was what they did.

After Hotch returned to his apartment, Emily had Nate get cleaned up and made them all something to eat before they met with Agent Rodgers. Emily asked to listen in as Nate gave his statement. She didn't want to be in there, wanting him to feel free to openly talk without worrying about her, but as she listened, it was clear that he was terrified. He hadn't seen a lot, but it was the not knowing and what the imagination brewed up that really made it difficult. She was determined to have a talk with him and get that settled.

Hotch found both statements enlightening. It gave him a better sense of what they had been through in the past month or so between the traveling and hiding and the attacks. It also allowed him to get a better idea of where their heads were at and what help they might need. Hearing Emily fill in some of the blanks helped him better understand what she was feeling and confirmed that she had been through more than she was letting on.

When the statements were given, Hotch offered to take Emily and the boys out for dinner. "We'll call it a welcome back to DC dinner, on me."

"Sure. I think Nate and Jack are becoming fast friends, so they'd like that."

"Good. We'll let them pick the place."

"I imagine it will be some place with games."

"Probably."

It was. As the kids played the arcade games, Nate as best he could one handed, Hotch and Emily talked.

"I called my mother. She said Nate and I could stay there if we want. All I have to do is say the word and she'll have people set up rooms on the first floor for me and Nate."

"Is that what you want?"

"I love my mother," Emily prefaced. "But I'm not sure how we'll do in one house for so long. It didn't work well when I was younger."

"You don't have to, you know."

"Don't have to find somewhere to stay? I think I do."

"No. I mean that you guys are more than welcome to stay with Jack and me."

"We'd take over all your space."

"No you wouldn't. Jack's bed is actually a bunk bed. I can get the other half out of storage. Jack's been bugging me to do that anyway so he could have sleepovers at our place. He'd probably be thrilled to have someone to play with all the time."

"Yeah? And what about you? I can't stay in your room, Hotch. You work and need a good night's rest all the time."

"I don't mind staying in the office. The pullout's pretty comfortable."

"How about I agree on the condition that you take your room back and I take the pullout?"

He sighed. It wasn't really that comfortable. "I'll make you a deal. You stay in my room at least until you see a doctor about the knee, and then we'll talk about switching."

She didn't know if she planned on staying with him that long.

"I still don't know. I feel like we're aliens invading the previously male only space."

"Trust me, you're not. And I can use you for free babysitting."

Smiling, she nodded and said, "I'd be happy to help out."

They hammered out a few more details, Emily saying it would remain a temporary situation. Just until she figured out what happened next and things with Nate were solved. She didn't want to keep jumping places with him. That went against the stability she wanted to provide.

"Speaking of Nate," Emily looked at the boys to see them still playing nearby. "What did your friend say?"

"Well, since James and Vince entrusted his care to you and James isn't currently in a position to care for him, we could easily make a case for legal, temporary guardianship. There's no other family?"

"Just the Bardolino family. James doesn't have any family alive."

"That's good to know. Less of a challenge if there's no family to claim guardianship."

"I sense a but coming."

"Do you know if James has a will?"

"Maybe. I know he had one a long time ago. He probably updated it since then."

"So, whatever is in there might say exactly what they would have wanted to happen with Nate if a situation like this ever happened. That could be very important in moving forward. Do you know what law firm he used?"

"Actually, I do," Emily told him. "We used the same one. It's a local place."

"We should pay the house they bought a visit and see what we can find first. Then, if we can't find the documents, we can talk with the law firm."

Emily remembered what Spencer found in the house and knew they'd probably find what they were looking for there, but that there was no way she wanted anyone else but herself looking for it. Who knew what else was hiding in there?

"Are you working tomorrow? We can go then. Nate would probably like to get some of his things."

"It's Sunday tomorrow, Emily. No one's working."

"So we can go?"

"I'd be happy to take you."

"Great."

Emily wanted to find the will, but she also felt like she needed to see the place they wanted to raise Nate as well as find everything else that might be related to her and her relationship with Nate. He wasn't her secret, but he also wasn't really hers. She didn't know what she was to him beyond a biological link and maybe a friend.


	24. Papers

**Chapter 24: Papers**

Nate and Jack were spending the day with the team. It worried Emily a little, but since Clyde had to take off to return Kurt to England for disciplinary action and she had plans with Hotch, they made it work. She wished she had a little more time with Clyde. There was a deal in motion for Kurt to avoid jail time if he agreed to testify and continue to help unfold the rest of the conspiracy, as well as try to get Lorna Puzzulo to do the same. There were doubts about the latter, but they had to give it a whirl. She trusted the team, but she worried that they would focus too much on her potential relation to Nate.

She debated just telling them, but it wasn't just about her. Nate didn't know, James still had a say in things, and she had no right to make these decisions. Telling Nate wasn't up to her. She hoped to one day broach the subject with James but didn't feel right doing it without his knowledge unless the situation absolutely called for it.

Maybe it was more about protecting herself. By not telling them, she could bury the pain again if Nate was pulled from her life. If they knew, the good friends they were, they would make her face it. She wouldn't want to.

She was focusing on the present, though, and she was happy that she got to see Nate meet Henry before she and Hotch took off. It was different than it was with Jack, but just as sweet. Emily looked forward to – hoped – for more. She wanted Nate to fit in. She just prayed she wasn't getting her hopes up about their future together. She was attached now that she could openly love him and be with him. The thought of that potentially ending was one she tried to ignore.

"Are you ok?"

"Me? Yeah. Fine," Emily told Hotch.

"What are you thinking about?"

"This morning and explaining to Nate why my neck looks like it does and how my friend got shot. He had no idea who those men were, and I'm happy about that, but despite shielding him from seeing anything, he's still affected by what happened."

"Of course, but he'll be ok."

"I know."

"We're all here for both of you."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Before leaving with Hotch to drop off Nate, Emily sat him down and had a real conversation about all that had happened. She explained her side of that night in a more child-friendly manner and gave him a chance to ask questions. It went about as well as could be expected, but he was still scared for her and his dad.

"All you have to worry about now," she told him, "Is being a normal nine-year-old, making friends, and having fun. Leave the rest of the worrying to me."

He seemed to like that answer, thinking about what that meant, but there was still something he was worried about. "What about my dad?"

"I can't stop you from worrying about him, but I can tell you that the doctors are still hopeful." Kind of. "And I have a meeting with them during the week to see what we can do for him."

"Can I come?"

"You can come to visit your dad, but not to the meeting."

"Not fair."

"Neither is life," she said. "But we deal with it. It's just a boring meeting. You're not missing anything."

That seemed to be the end of it. They went on about their mornings as usual before they went to Dave's for the get together.

Now Emily and Hotch were reaching the Hadley house and Emily was nervous about what they would find. It wasn't even about the will or papers. It was about seeing the life they built without her. It was different when it was only in writing or what she saw in London. She was walking into a home they planned to raise Nate, her son, in for the rest of their lives, even when Nate was all grown up and living on his own.

"We went through the house when we were looking for any information on them and the people after you."

"I figured," Emily said after realizing that he was talking to her. "Find anything?"

She knew the answer to that. The most interesting find belonged to Spencer.

"It wasn't an official case at that point. We looked around, but so much of everything was in boxes that we didn't even get through a lot of it."

"Well, I know where they liked to keep things, so we'll just have to see if that has changed."

Though, this time, when they got to the house it was in worse shape than it was when Hotch and Spencer went the first time.

"They must have thought they'd find something here."

"Yeah," Emily agreed. Though, Emily didn't know what they were searching for. She didn't know what else there was to find there, but she was going to find out. "Let's get to work."

Hotch didn't wander too far from Emily as they went through the house. He wanted to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn't overextend herself. She had a habit of doing that and he wanted to be around to help if she needed it.

While they searched the house, Emily asked questions about Jack and what had been happening the past few months since she last visited. The house was in such disarray that she didn't think she even knew where to begin looking and talking as they worked made it easier.

"I don't know what we're going to find. This place is… In need of a cleaning," Hotch put it gently.

Things were messy, but the place wasn't demolished. Emily actually liked the choice, was happy with their home purchase for Nate and sad that they weren't ever going to get to be the complete Hadley family there.

"Hey Hotch?" Emily paused her search and looked to him, a thought coming to her.

"What's up?"

"What did they do with Vince's… _Dominic's,_" she corrected, "body?"

"In London?"

"Yes."

"They did the autopsy to get specifics on injury and cause of death. Since an ID on the body took some time and he turned out to be an American, they should still have his body in cold storage."

It sounded so clinical. Her friend's body was in cold storage.

"Do you think we can have his body sent here? I can handle it on my own. I just thought with that the red tape and bureaucracy, it would be better if I had someone with more clout than an Interpol boss thousands of miles away on what is now classified as a medical leave of absence. I'll get Clyde to handle the London side of things if you can help out with the red tape on this end."

"I think that can be arranged."

"I'd like Nate and James to have closure. A proper burial might help."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"I'll call Clyde once we're done here and see if he can get things rolling."

"Have him call me after. We'll talk," he said.

"Great. Now, want to help me up the stairs?"

So far, they hadn't found anything. Going into it, Emily told herself that she wouldn't censor anything they found. Though it was unlikely, especially after the place was tossed, Emily decided that if they found something with any hint that she was the donor, she would tell him everything. It would be her excuse to let the flood gates down. She had been holding on to a twisted sense of loyalty and self-preservation.

Hotch laughed. "Sure. Come on."

They scoured every inch of the house. Eventually, they found a small lockbox, the same one Spencer found, just in a completely different place, broken apart and tossed on the ground upstairs. Together, they went through the scattered papers until they came across some that might be useful.

"Birth certificate," Hotch said, holding it up. "We should take that."

Emily nodded. "There are some medical records and things like that which will be good to have." She flipped through some more papers. "Here we go." Emily handed Hotch a small pile of papers.

He started to read it over, Emily impatiently waiting for him to finish it. She kept herself busy by looking at all the photos. Emily had an inkling that Bardolino himself was in this house. Some of the pictures of the family together were ripped up, torn right through James' head. Definitely the work of an angry goon, or a teen girl going through a moment of angst. Emily was going to assume the former.

"This is a pretty standard document. Has the legal talk."

"Anything about Nate?"

"Here." Hotch passed it back to her, his finger pointing out the portion he wanted her to read.

"In the event that neither parent, Vincent or James Hadley, can care for the child, Nathaniel Matthew Hadley, custody should be awarded to the child's biological mother," Emily looked up from the paper and to Hotch.

"The name's redacted."

"I can see that," Emily said.

"The lawyer should have a copy with the name visible. We'll have to find out who the donor was and whether she would want custody before we can move forward with your own case. Do you think Nate knows who she is?"

"No, I don't think he does."

"It has to be someone they know well enough to trust Nate to her. A friend?"

Emily was surprised to learn that they named her in the will as Nate's guardian. They probably thought it would never come to that but had to know that it was a possibility given the life on the run they were leading and the threat of Vince's family.

"Emily? Are you alright?"

"What?"

"I was talking to you about going to the lawyer and you spaced out, so I asked if you were ok."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He didn't buy it. "What is it? Are you worried that whoever she is won't let you see Nate if we can't get you custody? Even if this woman is named, it doesn't mean she is going to want to take him. You should still be able to see him. He'll want to see you."

"No… I'm not worried about her. I don't think that's going to be a problem."

_Hmm,_ he thought. She knew something and he wanted to know what that was. "Do you know who she is? The donor?"

"Yeah… I do."

He looked at her expectantly. "Well? Who is she? How well do you know her?"

"Sometimes I think I know her very well. Other times, I'm not sure if I know her at all."

He was confused and Emily picked up on that. "What?"

She took a deep breath and stopped fidgeting with her fingers.

"What I'm trying to say is that… She's… She's me," she answered honestly. "I am his mother, biologically."

"What? Emily…"

He'd be lying if he said he didn't see any similarities between Emily and Nate, but he didn't think they were related. So many people have things in common that he didn't read into it. Now he was asking himself why he didn't and why Emily never mentioned Nate. He thought back through the years, to Emily's return to the team after Paris and her overcompensating, giving him parenting advice and little things like that through the years. Was there more than just a blood relation?

"I know it's… it's crazy, right?" Emily let out a sad kind of laugh. "I was younger and naive and didn't think about how hard it would be to know he was there and not be a more active part of his life. But my friend asked, and I jumped to do it for them. I wanted to. But it was insane. Who says yes to that?"

He reached out and put his hand on hers, offering her a calming comfort. "I don't think it's crazy. You did a wonderful thing for someone important to you."

"And look where we all ended up. I was lied to. Nate has lived an unstable life, the one thing I promised myself that if I ever had kids I would never let happen." And, while technically he wasn't her kid, it still bothered her like he was, because she loved him and would even if there wasn't blood between them. "And I've had to live with this… this weight on my heart knowing I wasn't allowed to be in his life."

"Did you know when you agreed that Vince was really Dominic?"

"I had no idea. None at all. He was just the man my friend fell in love with. James never told me anything and I don't think he knew for a while."

"Why say yes?"

"Because I was young and stupid," Emily sadly joked. "I was hesitant at first. But James made it sound magical. I knew how badly they wanted a family. James' family was all gone except for me and Vince didn't have any family to speak of, we thought. It seemed so simple. All I had to do was take some medicine for a few weeks, get a small procedure done, and that was that. They'd get my egg, and my part was done."

Hotch didn't think that sounded as simple as she tried to make it seem. Obviously, it weighed on her. That much was clear, but he would press that at some other point and use her free flow of information as a knowledge gathering moment.

"You didn't carry the baby?"

"No… they wanted a donor they knew, but I wouldn't do that. I was just starting out in my career and, even if that wasn't a factor, I wouldn't have said yes to that."

"It would have been too hard," he surmised.

Emily nodded. _Not that it wasn't still hard… _"It wasn't my baby. Not really. If I carried him, I wouldn't be able to give him up. So they had a surrogate, a sweet girl, and I was thrilled when she got pregnant the first time. I was there with them, so excited every step of the way, and they allowed me to be a part of it all."

"The first time?"

"Yes. She got pregnant quickly but there was an accident that caused her to lose the baby. It was heartbreaking for all of us."

Hotch saw the memory play in her mind, watching the emotion go on her face. She was surprised by how much the loss hit her. He could tell that she was much more invested than she originally planned to be back then.

"I'm sorry…"

"It was hard. It hit me harder than I thought it would, like it was my own loss. That was when I first realized I was in too deep. I was too attached. It wasn't my loss."

"It still was Emily. You shouldn't feel bad for feeling that pain."

"Right… they were torn up about it." _We all were. _"The surrogate, Heather, broke her leg and needed to recover, but offered to try again with them."

"They said yes?"

"Not right away. They needed time. It took a little while. I went off to JTF-12. Communication was minimal, but I kept in touch, so imagine my surprise when I come home and find they had a son."

"They didn't tell you?"

"It's complicated… I guess, but I didn't know until he was over a year old."

"I'm sorry… I can't imagine what you must've felt."

_Terrible. _"I don't think I could put into words exactly what I was feeling. I just came back from working the Doyle case."

"You were already messed up."

"I suppose," Emily agreed. "Vince was reluctant to let me meet him, but James and I hung out a lot. He always brought Nate with him."

Hotch listened to her story, hanging on to every detail, but he could see it was about to take a turn.

"Then we didn't see each other much at all. Just like that, I was practically cut off."

"What happened?"

Emily smiled because, despite what happened after, that moment still made her feel warm and fuzzy. "He called me Mama."

"Oh, Emily…"

"No. It's ok," She didn't want him to offer sympathy. It was a good moment. "Vince was threatened. He really didn't want me to be a part of Nate's life and then that happened. I was stunned when it did because I never even said the word. I wasn't meant to be his mama. But I loved it… More than I should have. Vince was angry. It was right around Christmas too. Let's just say, it wasn't the happiest holiday I've ever had."

"So, you haven't seen him over the past few years?"

"Not until James came to me for help. I got letters with updates and pictures, but I didn't get to see him."

"He seems taken with you, now, though," Hotch told her.

"Yeah, because I'm taking care of him and, right now, he has no one else."

"I don't think that's it, but, Emily, we do need to talk about this."

"Isn't that what we're doing?"

"I meant about the situation."

"What about it?"

"I have no doubt that you understand that taking guardianship of Nate will mean changing your life completely."

"I do know that, and I'm prepared for that. It might be hard, but how can I not do it?"

"I get it. I do, and all of us are going to be there to help you, but have you thought about what this means?"

Emily shook her head in confusion, not sure what he was asking.

"You're attached already."

"I'm not hiding that fact, Hotch. I love him. I always have. I've spent years pretending not to, keeping him locked up in one of my boxes to lessen the pain… Getting to know him just exceeded my wildest dreams. There's no denying that I'm attached."

"No, but you're not thinking about what that means either. What happens when James wakes up and gets better? He's going to want Nate back. Are you going to be able to do that?"

"I…" _No. _"I suppose I'll have to."

"Are you going to tell him? That you're his mother?"

"I don't know. I don't think James would want that, and I have to respect that, don't I? I just don't know."

He continued to throw questions at her that she couldn't always answer and left her terrified.

"Are you trying to dissuade me? You don't think I can do it."

"No…" He looked her in the eyes. "No, that's not it at all. I'm trying to prepare you. Life is going to change for you, and I think you'll be a great caretaker for Nate. You're already so maternal with him. A natural. But I worry about what this will do to you if you eventually have to say goodbye."

"I…"

"I don't want you to get hurt," Hotch said when she fumbled for words.

"I've already been hurt," Emily admitted. "I've spent years pretending not to be hurt by not being a part of his life." She shrugged. "Now, I just want to get to know him. I want to give him everything, and if there comes a point when I have to stop being a part of his life, then that's something I'll have to face when or if it happens. As long as he is happy and healthy, I'll accept whatever that means for me."

Hotch heard every word, and that was when he knew for sure that she would break if she was forced out of Nate's life again, but that she was the parent Nate needed. She was willing to sacrifice herself, her life, and her happiness for the child. There was nothing more motherly than that.

"Maybe you're more prepared than I thought."

Hotch told her that they could get the original documents from the lawyer and start the legal papers for Nate's guardianship if she was sure that was what she wanted.

"I'm positive."

"Ok. I'll try to get everything started during the week."

"Thank you," Emily said, "For listening too. I hope you're not too upset that I kept this to myself."

"A part of me wants to be upset. You like to keep things private, but who am I to judge? I like to keep things private, too. Mostly, though, it wasn't our business. You did something in your past that created an amazing gift for your friends, and it caused you pain to think about. Sharing that… That's something you have to choose to do when you feel ready."

"Thank you," she repeated, moving to hug him, embracing him in a tight squeeze. She was worried about so many things. Everyone's reaction to Nate being her biological child was one of them. In her heart, she knew they would understand, but it worried her anyway.

It was silently understood that what they talked about stayed between them. They would talk about it again, but she wasn't ready for everyone to know. It would remain between them until she was.

With the documents on hand and a few pictures collected, Hotch asked if Emily was ready to leave. They had spent hours there already.

"I just want to grab some of Nate's things. I saw boxes with his clothes. Do you think you can help me grab them?"

"Sure."

After packing those into his car, Hotch and Emily headed back to Dave's. The rest of the afternoon was tame. Though Nate was insistent they go see James, Emily managed to get him to focus on playing with the other boys after promising they would go the next day. By the time night rolled in, all three boys were worn from playing and so were all the parents.

"We should let Dave get some rest," Derek reasoned. He was staying with Dave while he recovered, even though Dave insisted he didn't need anyone there.

"He's right. We should get home. See everyone at work tomorrow, except you, Dave. Try to take it easy," Hotch said.

Everyone said their goodbyes, JJ promising Henry that he could see Nate and Jack again soon. The youngest of the bunch, he already looked up to the older boys. Emily was just happy that they all got along. Hotch gathered his troop. Nate and Jack fell asleep during the drive.

"Do you want me to watch him tomorrow?" Emily offered once they got the boys to bed. For now, there was a mattress set up on the floor next to Jack's bed for Nate to claim as his own. "I know he usually goes to Jessica, but since I'll be here and I'll have Nate, I can watch him, and they could play."

"Are you sure? That's a lot of work with an injury and a lot going on already."

"I'm sure. If you're worried, let's make it a half day. I can take the kids to the park in the morning and then get a cab to take Jack to Jessica's before Nate and I go to the hospital to visit James."

"We can talk about it in the morning. I also want you to see the orthopedic surgeon about your knee."

"And I will. They can't do anything until the swelling goes down, and, let me tell you, it has not."

"Still, make an appointment, alright? If you let me know when it is, I'll make sure I can be there with you."

"You don't need to do that."

"I know, but I want to."

"Fine, I'll let you know." She rolled her eyes. Between him and Clyde, now the rest of the team, she was going to be harped on until she did it. "In the meantime, you should really take your bed back. You have work in the morning."

"I'll be ok on the pull out. We talked about this. I have the pieces for the bunkbed here and I found another old mattress in storage from the house. Maybe I'll set up the office into a room if you think you're going to stay for a while."

"We can talk about it," Emily said, mimicking Hotch's earlier words.

"That we can. Night Emily."

"Night Hotch."

That night, Emily went to bed with another weight lifted from her shoulders. Not only did Hotch know about her relationship with Nate and was going to work out the custody stuff, but she had plans to set up a funeral for Vince that would allow Nate and James to grieve and find closure. She wanted something they could visit and remember him with.

She called Clyde the next morning to start setting that up too.

Jack and Nate were both under her care the next day. It was a rainy summer day, so there was no going to the park, but they made it a board game day. They played for hours. Emily included. Hotch, of course, called about every hour too, more worried about how Emily was fairing than the kids.

"We're fine," Emily insisted. "You don't need to keep calling."

"This time it's just me letting you know that I talked with Clyde."

"About… that thing?" Emily didn't want to say it in case the kids came around.

"The body, yes. It's going to take a little while, but he'll be returned to the states."

"Thanks Hotch."

"No problem."

That was one more thing Emily could cross off her to-do list. Now, she just had to plan a small ceremony so that Nate could say goodbye to his father. That would come once the body was in her possession, or rather, in a mortuary nearby.

Hotch gave her some more details about what Clyde was doing and what he would do once the plan was further along. He even offered to help her arrange some things. After all, he, sadly, had some experience planning a funeral or two.

"You don't need to."

"You say that a lot, Emily. I know I don't need to, but I'm offering anyway. Maybe one day you'll surprise me and just say yes right away."

"Never know."

"Did you call the doctor like you said you would?"

"Not yet. Don't worry, Dad. It'll get done. I did, however, start putting together the bunk bed."

"Emily, you shouldn't have done that. I said I would have…" The rest of his voice was drowned out as Emily pulled the phone from her ear. She was getting another call and when she saw who it was, she freaked out.

"Hotch, can I call you back? That's the hospital on the other line," Emily sounded panicked.

"Yes. Answer. We'll talk later."

Emily didn't even say goodbye, just switched to the other line. "Hello?"

"Emily Prentiss?"

"This is."

"This is Nurse Rollins from Mary Washington Hospital calling about James Hadley."

"What's going on? Has something happened?"

"Dr. Durant would like to speak with you right away. Could you get to the hospital?"

Emily looked at the clock. At the very fastest, it would take an hour to get there at least, but she told the nurse just that. She would get there as soon as she could.


	25. Updated Condition

**Chapter 25: Updated Condition**

After the hospital's call, Emily moved as quickly as she could to get to James. She wasn't meant to drop Jack off for another hour or so. Rather than bring him to Jessica's early, she decided to just take him with her. She didn't really want to bring the boys to the hospital, unsure what was happening, but found that was the only thing she could do, so she called a car and told the boys to get their shoes on. Plans for the day changed.

"Is everything ok?" Jack asked, concerned.

"Everything's fine. You're just going to come with Nate and me to the hospital to visit his dad."

"I am? Does my dad know?"

"I'm going to call him right now."

Jack didn't say anything. Of course, he didn't want to spend the day at the hospital, but he knew how much Nate wanted to see his dad, so he didn't mind coming along.

True to her word, Emily called Hotch back and told him that the hospital called her. "They want me to come right away."

"Do you know why?"

"I have no clue. I know this isn't ideal, but I'm going to take Jack with us. It wasn't part of the plan, but Jessica isn't expecting him for an hour, and you said she'd be out this morning. So, he either comes, or we come up with an alternative very quickly."

"It's fine, Emily. Take him. Call me when you know what's happening. If I need to, I can try to swing by during my lunch hour."

Emily promised to call and hung up. They needed to get going and the car was there. The whole ride was filled with tension. She tried, for the kids' sake, not to let it show, but she was worried. She didn't know what to expect. That didn't absolve once they got to the hospital either.

In fact, it only got worse. Emily took the boys to James' floor and then to his room. She asked them to please wait right outside in the chairs and not to move.

"Why can't we just come in?" Nate asked.

"Because I am the adult and I'm asking you to please do as I say."

"But I want to see my dad."

"And you will. Just give me a second."

"Ok," Nate grumbled.

Emily waited to see the boys seated and talking amongst themselves before heading into the room. James didn't look any different to her. He still had the respirator in. They were going to take it out this week. Maybe that was what the meeting was about? But they were supposed to meet Wednesday. It was only Monday. She was going to drive herself crazy wondering. It sounded urgent, though, so she figured she should go find the doctor. For that, she didn't want to bring the boys.

Thankfully, a nurse came in to check on James and Emily saw an opportunity.

"How's he doing?" Emily asked.

"Better. Stable."

"Hasn't he been stable?" Was she missing something?

"Well, the seizure took a lot out of him. Made his heart erratic and the swelling return."

"What? What seizure?" Now she really was panicked.

"Oh… You didn't know. Well, you should really discuss it with the doctor."

"That was why I'm here. I… Look I have a meeting with Dr. Durant about James, but I have two kids with me today and had no time to find someone to watch them. Now that I know about the seizure, I'm even more eager to meet with Dr. Durant. What's the likelihood that James has another seizure?"

"I can't answer that," the nurse said. "He's on medication and being monitored, but there's no guarantee that he won't have another one."

"Ok…" Not helpful… "Can I leave the kids in here without them being traumatized?"

"Kids aren't supposed to be in here."

"This is one of those kids' father, so they have a right to be in here." She wasn't going to waste time arguing. "If something happens, can you just get them out of here… Please."

It took some doing, but Emily appealed to the woman's maternal instinct and emotion to get her to agree. It was about her break time, she told Emily, so she could stay there for fifteen minutes or so before needing to get back to work.

"Thank you so much."

Emily owed the nurse one, she thought, as she told the boys to visit with James. She got them settled and introduced them to Nurse Taylor.

"We don't need a babysitter," Jack told her.

"No offense Jack. I know you're a smart, reliable kid, but you are still a kid."

"I'm twelve."

"When I was twelve…" _Nope_, she wasn't going to finish the thought. "Twelve doesn't mean you should stay on your own. The both of you behave and I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Nate asked.

"I'm going to meet with your dad's doctor. He wants to talk to me."

"Can't I come?"

"No. I'm sorry, but you need to stay here with Jack."

Eagerly, she reasoned with Nate and finally got him to just spend time with his father and Jack after telling him that she would talk with him about her meeting after. It was enough to pacify him, mostly, because he didn't realize she'd give him the toned down, child-friendly version of things.

Emily gave the boys one last look before heading for Dr. Durant's office. The crutches slowed everything down, but it hurt too much not to use them. Thankfully, Dr. Durant caught Emily midway to his office.

"Emily," he stopped her.

She didn't give him a chance to say much else as she jumped in with questions. "James had a seizure? Is he ok? What's going on?"

"Let's have a seat," he said, escorting her to the nearby lounge area.

Emily stared at him in anticipation. She needed answers. She needed to understand what was happening with her friend.

"This morning, James had a seizure."

"I got that, but why, and what are you doing about it?"

Dr. Durant explained that James had a brain bleed caused by the head injury. "It's a chronic subdural hematoma. This means that the blood pooled slowly and is causing pressure in the brain in the form of a clot."

"This caused the seizure?"

The doctor used as simple language as possible to explain the problem. "Yes. While we initially treated it with medication hoping the bleed would reabsorb, the seizure happened after that, pointing to the condition worsening. I just got the latest CT scan and results from the EEG. The bleed is rather large and, though anticonvulsants are, thus far, preventing more seizures, I don't believe that the bleed will stop unless we go in to fix it."

"Surgery?"

He told her they wanted to drill burr holes into the skull. "This will allow us to drain the blood and relieve the pressure."

"There are no other options?"

"A craniotomy," he told her, "But that's a more intensive surgery in which we physically remove the clot by taking off a piece of the skull and exposing the brain. Because of his condition, we wanted to avoid major surgery. Burr holes are the best option at this point."

Emily shook her head. "Just… Do it. I'll sign whatever. Just, please, help him."

She suddenly felt so tired. Every day, it seemed like she got more emotionally exhausted.

"We'll prep him right away."

"Is this… Is he going to survive?"

"I'm confident that this will be key to his recovery."

"That's not a yes."

"I can't give you guarantees, but I can say that this is in his best interest."

"Ok," she sadly responded. "When?"

"Like I said, we'll start getting him prepped shortly and then take him to the OR."

_Good_, Emily thought, that meant there was time for her to explain to Nate what was happening and allow him to say whatever he wanted to James… Just in case. She wasted no time making that happen. She thanked Dr. Durant and then returned to Nate and Jack. Nurse Taylor was just outside the room. Emily thanked her for her aid and then went in to see the boys.

"You're back," Nate excitedly said.

"I am, and now we should talk."

"Uh oh," Jack mumbled. Emily wished he hadn't said that.

"What's wrong?" Nate asked.

Emily joined the boys in the seats. "It's about your dad, Nate."

"Is he ok?"

"He will be." Emily didn't know if it was appropriate to have this conversation in front of Jack, but opted to include him for moral support, if nothing else. "Remember that I told you that your dad was hurt really badly, especially in his head."

"Yeah."

"Well, that caused his brain to bleed a little and, at first medicine helped. But there was another bleed that was slow and continued to grow, now it's making his head hurt more."

Nate looked worried.

"The doctors think they can help him feel better, but they want to do a surgery."

"On his head?"

"His brain," Jack corrected Nate.

"Yes, on his brain."

"But… but that's scary."

"I know it is, but this will make his body feel better. You know when you get a really bad headache," Emily started, trying to give Nate some idea of what the surgery would do for James, even if there was no relatable experience.

"Like when I play too hard in the heat and sweat so much without drinking enough water?"

"Sure, like that. And you get a bad headache. Your dad's head is like that, but worse. It hurts him so much that it could be part of why he's not waking up like we thought he would."

"The surgery will help him wake up?"

"That's very possible. We'd have to wait and see, but I'm hopeful."

"When does he need surgery?"

Emily sighed. "Now."

"Now?" His eyes bulged. "But why?"

"I've already explained, Nate. The doctor needs to do it now before it gets worse."

"Can… Can he die?"

Emily put her hand on Nate's shoulder and held his attention. Jack offered him a hand too. "I'm not going to lie to you, Nate. Any surgery is dangerous, especially when you're hurt like your father is, but not doing the surgery would be worse."

"I don't want him hurt. I don't want him to die."

"It'll be ok," Jack said. "My friend's mom needed surgery once, a big one that took hours, and she was ok, so your dad will be too."

Emily smiled and silently thanked Jack for the assist when it seemed like Nate was calming down.

"He'll be ok?" Nate questioned, tears evident in his eyes.

"The doctor believes so. Yes. He'll be ok." She decided to just voice that. She hoped it was true, and, though she wasn't sure, had to give him that same hope.

Emily hugged him and told him that a nurse would be in any moment to get him ready for surgery and they would be kicked out of the room for that, so she said he should talk with his father now and wish him luck.

"Do you want to be alone with him?"

Nate nodded.

"Ok. Jack and I will be right outside the door. You have a few minutes."

Jack helped Emily up and held the door open for her, a gentleman like his father.

"Are you ok?" he asked once they were out of the room.

"I am. Thank you Jack."

"I'm sorry about your friend."

"Thanks."

"Is he really going to be ok?"

"I really hope so. I'm going to call your dad to let him know what's going on. Would you like to talk to him too?"

"Yeah."

"Ok."

Emily called Hotch and filled him in. He asked if she wanted him to be there, and, while Emily would have liked that, she told him no.

"Just focus on work. I have Nate to focus on. I did want to talk to you about Jack, though. I was supposed to bring him to Jessica's on our way back the hospital, but plans changed. I don't know if I can pry Nate away while James is in surgery and, honestly, I don't really want to leave either. Do you think you can call her and see if she can pick him up?"

"Of course. I'll call right away."

On her side of the line, Jack was trying to get her attention.

"What is it, Jack?"

"Can I talk to him?"

"Sure… Ok. Here," she passed him the phone.

"Dad?"

"Jack? What's up?"

"I don't want to go to Aunt Jessica's."

"Why not?"

"I want to stay here with Emily and Nate. They need me."

It warmed both adults' hearts when he said that.

"Are you sure, Jack? There's not going to be much you can do there."

"I'm sure. They're my friends and you always say you need to be there for your friends."

"You're a smart kid, Bud. You know that?"

"You've told me a couple of times."

"If you're sure about this, I'll see if it's ok with Emily and then talk to your aunt."

"I am."

"Alright. I love you and will come by as soon as I can. Call me if you need me."

Jack promised he would and then passed the phone back to Emily like his father asked. Emily told him she had no problem with Jack staying. He was helping her and Nate, too, so he was welcomed as long as he wanted.

"You don't need to stay, Jack," Emily told him once she hung up with Hotch. "It's not going to be any fun here."

"I know, but Nate is my friend and I can help him. That means I should be here."

"I appreciate that. If you want to leave, at any time, just let me know."

"I won't want to," he assured her.

Emily ran her hand through his hair and thanked him. That was just as the prep team was coming for James. Nate came running over to her.

"They're taking him," he said.

"Did you say what you wanted to say?"

He nodded. Nate told his father that he loved him and really wanted him to hurry up and get better already. He missed him and knew Emily did too. He was much more emotional as he spoke to James, but that was the gist of it.

Emily took her friend's hand and wished him luck in surgery. "Come back to us," she whispered. "Please… For Nate."

And then, just like that, he was being whisked away.

The surgery itself wasn't long, just forty-five minutes or so, but the wait was tedious. It didn't help that she couldn't pace. Jack, the amazing boy he was, kept Nate occupied. He just talked with Nate and told him stories. Emily had never been more thankful to have that boy in her life. She was stressed, and she feared that was only the beginning of that feeling. She wasn't wrong.

Nate, out of the blue, walked away from Jack and sat closer to Emily, just staring at her for a minute.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

Shyly, almost scared, he looked at her and asked, "What happens to me if daddy dies too? Then I have no one."

"That's not true." Emily inhaled deeply. "I think your dad is going to be ok, but if anything ever happens, you will have me. I promise. I will always be here for you, and I know it's not the same thing as having your dads, but I will love and care for you just like they have."

"And you'll have me," Jack added. "My dad too. And all the BAU family. We take care of each other."

"He's right, Nate. I know you're scared, but no matter what, you'll never be alone."

"But I won't have my dads."

Emily felt the emotion tie into a knot in her stomach. "James is still with us. You can't give up on him, Nate."

"Yeah Nate," Jack added. "I know it's hard, but Emily says he'll be ok, so he will. Emily doesn't lie."

If only things were that black and white.

"Emily," Dr. Durant called, her heart pumping.

"Wait here boys," she directed as she hobbled over to the doctor. "How is he?"

"He did well. He's out of surgery." Relief. Her body was flooded with relief. "He'll be in post-op for a few hours and we'll continue to monitor him for future bleeding as well as post-op infection. We're going to continue with his doses of prophylactic anticonvulsants and reassess that later."

"What does this mean, though? Is he ok? What can we expect if… _when_ he wakes up?"

"Are you asking about the brain damage?" She nodded. "Again, we can't know until he wakes up. That is a potential complication, but it's not likely the surgery worsened or created any new damage. Right now, let's just focus on his recovery."

"Meaning?"

"We're going to let his body recover for the next twenty-four hours, and then I'd like to see where he is with the respirator. If all goes well, we should still have it out sometime this week."

"Ok…" Emily had questions. She still wanted to ask about him waking up and about the damage, but she didn't have it in her to hear a half-answer and the questions just didn't seem to pass her tongue. "Ok. Thank you."

"In a few hours, he should be returned to his room and you can see him, but let's try to give him as much rest as possible. Barring complications, he's on the right track now."

_Like that hadn't been said before…_

Once the doctor left, Emily returned to the kids with a big smile.

"Is Dad ok?" Nate asked.

"He's ok," Emily said, immediately receiving a huge hug from Nate. "The surgery is over, and we can see him in a couple of hours."

"That's great," Jack added.

The three had a mini celebration. Emily was, of course, thrilled that her friend was ok, but even more so, just ecstatic that she didn't have to let Nate down.

"I take it things went well," Hotch's voice startled them. He, JJ, and Penelope were all there.

"Dad," Jack said. "He made it out of surgery."

"That's great," Hotch said, mimicking his son's earlier sentiments.

"Very good news," JJ agreed.

"We're very happy," Emily said. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We thought you could use the support."

"We would have been here sooner, but the boss man," she made a-hem coughing noises and pointed to Hotch, "wouldn't let us use the sirens."

"With good reason PG. You guys didn't need to come."

"We wanted to," JJ insisted. "So, everything went ok?"

"Yes. James is out of surgery and in post-op. We can't see him for a while, but he is ok."

They could all see Nate and Emily were very happy about this, as they should have been.

"How are you doing Nate?" Hotch asked.

"I'm good. I think. I just want my dad to be awake."

"I know," Hotch said, ruffling Nate's thick hair. "Have you guys eaten?"

The boys shook their head.

"Well, it's going to be a little while before anyone can see James. What do you say? Want to have some food?"

Nate shrugged.

"You should go with Jack and Hotch, Nate. I'll stay here so that if he comes earlier than expected, he won't be alone," Emily said when she saw Nate's hesitancy.

"Yeah? Ok," Nate agreed.

Hotch really wanted Emily to go eat, too, but he'd bring her back something and force her if needed.

"Let's go boys."

Hotch led them away, and Emily fell back into the uncomfortable, hard chair and leaned back.

"Long day," JJ joked.

"Long few weeks," Emily responded. "Not that I'm not happy to see you guys, but you didn't have to come."

"We wanted too."

"Oh, phooey. Of course we needed to be here," Penelope said. "Derek, Spencer, and Dave wanted to come too, but you know, Dave really shouldn't be driving with the meds he's on."

"No, he shouldn't. I'm glad he didn't come. He's where he needs to be."

"And the other guys are doing a… consult they couldn't get out of. They said if we're still here when they're done, they'll come by."

"Great. Thanks for being here."

"Wanna tell us how you're really doing?" Penelope probed.

"I… I'm ok. I know I say that a lot, but I mean it. It wasn't an easy day, but I'm getting through it and so are Nate and James. That makes it better. Now I have you all here, and that helps too."

"Ah, she's a sweetie and she loves us," Penelope sung.

"I do love you both."

The girls tried to lighten the mood. JJ shared a story about something hilarious Henry did, and Emily welcomed the distraction as they waited.

"So," Penelope began, leaning forward like she wanted to keep the conversation hush, hush. "Did you and Hotch share a bed last night?"

"Pen," Emily moaned, facepalming. "We have never nor are we planning to share a bed."

Garcia and JJ rolled their eyes.

"The not planning part will make it hotter. Good, stick with that."

"JJ, control your friend."

"My friend," she said. "She's your friend."

"I'm everyone's friend," Penelope huffed.

The girls continued to tease each other falling into old patterns. All that was missing was some wine, and maybe some snacks. Hotch, however, would take care of that last part.

When the boys returned, they came bearing coffee and treats, for which all were grateful.

"Did my dad come back yet?" Nate asked.

"Not yet. They said a few hours and then we can't stay with him for very long."

"Alright." It wasn't really the answer he was looking for, but at least he would get to see his dad.

After their lunch, Emily sent the girls home. There was no reason for all of them to be there, she told them. "Go be with your family or go out. Have fun."

"We'd have more fun if you came with us."

"Soon," Emily promised. "Once things settle down."

"We're going to hold you to that," JJ said.

"Don't I know it."

Once they were gone, Hotch asked her the same thing they did, how she was really doing, and she gave the same response.

"I was scared, and I know Nate was too. Jack really helped us both. You have one great kid there."

"Thanks." He was inclined to agree with her. His son was one of a kind. "I'm here if you need anything," Hotch reminded her.

"You've already been here for me. I don't think I can forget it."

"Then I'm doing my job."

"More than," Emily said.

Emily leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder before Hotch gave her a hug, which she happily returned. He had gone above and beyond to help her, and the surprises weren't over yet.

After Emily and Nate got to see James, who looked worse than he had earlier – which was normal they were told – Hotch insisted on taking them home.

"Visiting hours will be over soon. You won't be able to see him. Let's go."

Emily was tired and easily agreed, even if a part of her wanted to stay. It worried her, however, how easily Nate was convinced. She told herself she would need to watch and see if something was going on with him. When they got home, Hotch asked the boys to go wash up while he started on dinner, which Emily insisted she help with saying it was the least she could do, until they heard a scream.

It was a surprised, happy kind of scream. A yell. Jack's room was different. The bunkbeds were set and all of Jack's stuff was moved to the top.

"It's so cool," Jack beamed. "Thanks Dad!"

"You're welcome, Bud, but you'll have to thank Spencer and Derek. They're the ones that did it all today."

"Wow. Look, Nate. This one is your bed," he pointed to the bottom. "It even has your stuffed animal waiting."

"That's Patch."

"Cool name. He has patches."

As the boys checked out their new digs, Hotch told Emily she should check out the office.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. Just go check it out. I'm right behind you."

Emily and Hotch walked to, what was the office, and opened the door.

"Woah… This looks…"

"Completely different," Hotch finished.

"Like an actual bedroom. For who?"

"You, of course. It's more your style, isn't it?"

"Why?"

"You might be here for a day, you might be here for months. Either way, you deserve to have your own space and you can't go back to the cabin. So this is it. Derek and Spencer put this together, style input by JJ and Garcia, and paid for by Dave. He thought you should be comfortable too."

"This was really amazing, but so unnecessary. I was fine with sleeping on the pullout if you would have let me."

"I know, but you shouldn't live with fine. Now, just say thank you and enjoy it."

"Thank you and enjoy it," she said teasingly. "Seriously though, thank you. This is great."

"I'm glad you like it. I think JJ got some more clothes for you in there too."

That was something she needed. Emily took it all in. It made her remember why the BAU and this team was so important to her. Aside from Clyde, they were the first chosen family she knew she could count on, always.

"You want to check it out more or come help me cook?"

"I think I'll help. I can check it out later."

"Ok."

It seemed like everything was getting better, and by the end of that week, a lot of things had changed. Though not yet alert and awake, James was off the respirator and had no sign of infection or rebleeds. He was healing and, in time, the doctor was sure he would wake. Any moment now. Nate was a little on edge where James was concerned, but Emily, Hotch, Jack, and the whole team were always around to comfort and bring hope.

Emily was happy that the legal paperwork for her to officially be Nate's guardian was in the works. They were able to keep Emily's kinship to Nate quiet from the team and Elizabeth as they filed the necessary paperwork, which was something she wanted. She hadn't yet decided whether it was her place or her time to tell Nate about their blood bond. It wasn't a pressing issue, and it was something she should discuss with James. She was overstepping so much already. Plus, with Bardolino in prison awaiting trial, Emily thought it was best to keep anything regarding Nate on the down low. She didn't believe anyone else in the family would be after Nate, but there was no reason to draw any attention to him.

Elizabeth, however, did find it surprising to learn her daughter was staying at her ex-boss' home indefinitely.

"It's not indefinitely, Mother," Emily tried to reason. "It's just until I can get official custody of Nate and find somewhere to stay that works with my leg."

"Speaking of, have you had your appointment? If you haven't, I have a list of superior orthopedic surgeons I can share."

"Thank you, but Pen already compiled the same list and the recommendation I was given was at the top, so I have an appointment next week and will be sticking with him unless he's a real asshole."

"Language," Elizabeth scolded.

Things with Elizabeth were working out well. Elizabeth was making every effort to be included in her daughter's life, and she appreciated it. The home front, it seemed, was going strong. Vince's body was going to be escorted back to the states with Clyde very soon and a funeral was in the works. Nate liked the idea of what a funeral meant. He would get a chance to say goodbye and he wanted that. He was also really excited about school and the prospect of being in the same one as Jack, who was quickly becoming like a big brother to him, always taking him under his wing.

Everything was looking up. Still, Emily had some less than restful nights. Late one evening, Emily was having trouble sleeping. She woke up with a headache, a sore leg and thoughts about James possibly not waking up, and she just couldn't fall back asleep, so she decided to make some tea and watch some TV until she was ready to pass out. Quietly as she could, she set herself up in the living room, but a visitor came to join her.

"What are you doing up?" Emily asked Jack.

"I woke up and couldn't sleep again."

"Me too. Want to join me?"

"Ok," Jack said, plopping beside her on the couch. Before getting cozy, he put a pillow under her knee. "Dad says you should keep it elevated."

"Thanks Dr. Jack."

He laughed and took the spot beside her. It was quiet and comfortable between them as the night wore on. Jack, though, had something on his mind.

"Emily?"

"Yes Jack?"

"Can I ask something? Dad said it wasn't my business, but I'm curious."

"Ok."

"I know Nate has – had – two dads. They were gay, so was he adopted?"

Such interesting thoughts, Emily said to herself. Why was he thinking about that? "No. He wasn't."

"So, that means he has a mom somewhere?"

"I suppose, yes."

"Does she love him?"

Emily was quick to answer, "I know she does."

"Is she going to take him away from us?"

Emily looked at him curiously. "Why are you worried about that?"

"I like Nate. I don't want him to leave. He needs us."

"I agree, Jack. He needs us. All of us, and I will do everything I can to keep him here with us no matter what happens with James."

"Good."

Emily agreed.

"But how did it work? How does Nate have two dads and a mom? Does he have two moms too?"

_Oh boy,_ Emily thought. This was going to be a fun conversation.


	26. New Things

**Chapter 26: New Things**

James woke up on the Wednesday after Nate had his first week of school, but a lot of life happened for everyone else while James remained unconscious.

Nate started fourth grade, and he was nervous and excited and everything in between. He spent most of his life moving from one place to another, so while he was smart, he was a little behind socially and a tad uncomfortable in such vast environments. He did well with one on ones and handled people he met a few times very well, but he had never been in a classroom, never been in a room with twenty other kids his age and a teacher telling him what to do and when to do it. It just wasn't something he was used to.

It was an adjustment, but the first day started out well.

The end of August approached, Emily was now legal guardian of Nate and, with Hotch's help, enrolled him at Jack's elementary school.

"I know you don't know where you're settling down next, but at least if he starts school here, he can take the bus with Jack and have someone he knows around."

Emily couldn't agree more. Although she wished she had a more permanent residence so he could go to a school he would stay in, potentially for a long while, Emily was happy with the situation. Plus, she hadn't yet decided if she was returning to London. In the interim, she, Hotch, and the boys liked the arrangement they had. Emily watched Jack during the day while Hotch was at work, sending him to Jessica's on occasion. Usually, Jack would go there when Emily and Nate spent the day at the hospital with James, which they did at least three times a week.

Nate wished they could go every day, but Emily was adamant that they couldn't. She wanted him to live a normal life, and that meant being a kid, not spending countless hours visiting his comatose father in the hospital. They saw him and got frequent updates. It pained her not to see him, too, but it had to be enough. And it seemed like it was. Nate was settling in with the Hotchners and her very well.

When it came time to sign Nate up for school, Emily first sat him down and asked if that was what he really wanted.

"Yeah," he readily said. "I think I'll like school. I can make more friends like Jack and Henry, and I can learn in a classroom like in the movies."

Emily loved his idealistic view of things but made sure to give him a small dose of reality to prepare him. She told him that there would be times he might feel overwhelmed or confused, or maybe even out of place, but not to forget that he was a strong, incredible boy and he had plenty of people who loved him. Nothing else mattered.

"I'm not worried," he confidently told her when the day came, but before that, there were so many things they needed to get done.

First came the funeral.

Clyde and Hotch arranged for the body to be brought back to the states in late August, just before the school year began. Emily was hoping that James would have come back to them by now, but he chose to stay in dreamland.

The doctor said that now it was up to him. He was breathing on his own, his injuries were healed, and vitals were stable. He was even classified as in a state of semi-consciousness rather than a coma. He wasn't "awake," but he was there. He just wasn't ready to be with them yet. It wasn't comforting, but, if Emily knew her friend, then he was off in some imaginary limbo having deep conversations with Vince about James and Nate's future. He would dream something crazy like that.

With each passing day, however, Emily and Nate lost a little hope. Nate just couldn't grasp why, if he was healthy enough and could wake up, his father chose not to.

"It's not really a choice," Emily tried to explain. "His body might be ready, but his mind isn't. We just have to keep holding on."

"We've been holding on forever," he exaggerated.

"It definitely feels that way, but it hasn't been forever. It's hard, but we must be patient. You heard what the doctor told us. He could wake up any moment."

"Whatever…" he responded nonchalantly. He was sad, but it was like it didn't matter. He couldn't do anything. "Can I go play with Jack?"

Before he could run off, without her ever saying yes, Emily grabbed his shirt. "Slow down. There's more we need to talk about."

"What?" he asked with attitude, something Emily was only just getting a taste of.

"The funeral for your dad is this weekend. Is there anything special you want to do to honor him or to sa goodbye?"

"Like what?"

"Anything."

He thought about it before answering, "No…" What was the point?

Emily wasn't satisfied with that answer, knowing he would regret it if he didn't participate or do something that day, so she offered a few suggestions and told him to think about it.

"I will. Can I play now?"

Sighing, Emily told him, "Go ahead. But remind Jack that we're going to dinner at JJ's tonight, so the two of you need to be ready in an hour."

"Alright."

Emily wasn't sure what she should have done about his change in attitude. She knew he was just frustrated and worried but seeing him so down hurt her. That was no way for a child to feel. All Emily could do was try to make it better and hope that it would lessen with time.

Taking a deep breath, Emily forced herself to get a move on things. Hotch had to run an errand before coming home and then he was just going to get changed before they went over to JJ's. She was looking forward to the dinner because, at least, when Nate was with Jack and Henry, he seemed more himself.

_Time_, she reminded herself. _He just needs time._

Hotch came home while Emily was trying to find something to wear. After checking in on the boys, he knocked on Emily's door.

"Come in," she said.

"Just wanted to let you know I was here. I'm going to change and then we can go."

"Sounds good."

Before leaving, he told her, "I talked to Clyde today. They arrived."

Emily knew that "they" meant him and Vince.

"Why didn't he tell me? I would have met them at the airstrip."

"I think that's exactly why he called me instead. Vince was taken to the mortuary and they assured him that everything is set for the service."

"Thanks, Hotch."

"Alright. Well, I'm going to let you finish in here. I'll change and get the boys moving."

Emily nodded and waited for him to shut the door before starting to change. Before she knew it, they were on their way to JJ's for a calm, relaxing get together with the whole team. Since the Bardolino encounter, Emily and Nate had spent a lot of time with the team members individually or in small groups, but this was the first time they were all together again aside from Halloween.

"Welcome," Spencer greeted them, opening the door while JJ was busy in the kitchen with Will.

"Hey," Emily hugged him and Nate mustered up his usual personality and greeted him happily.

Nate yelled, "Spencer!"

"Hi man. How's the arm?"

"My cast comes off soon. I might miss it because of all the cool pictures, but not the itching."

"You should take some pictures of the cast so you can keep the drawings that way."

"Good idea. Can we, Emily?"

"Yeah, once we're back home."

"Sweet," he cheered. "Where's Henry?"

"Playing."

"Why don't Jack and you go join him?" Hotch suggested and they didn't need to be told twice.

Emily smiled in encouragement and the kids were off.

"Everyone here already?"

"Just us and Garcia. Derek said he'll be a little late and Dave needed to stop home first. He made something that he needs to pick up. JJ and Will are in the kitchen."

"I brought dessert," Emily said pointing to the cake container in Hotch's hands. He was too much of a nice guy to let her carry it as she limped on.

"Want me to take it?" Spencer asked as he closed the door.

"I have it," Emily responded and took the container from Hotch. "I'm going to go see if they need help in the kitchen."

"Be careful," Hotch warned as she began to walk away.

"I'm fine," she huffed, not bothering to look back.

"Did she ever set a date for her surgery?" Spencer asked Hotch.

"No," he responded a little disdainfully. He was not happy that she hadn't.

"She should really do that."

"Try telling her that. I haven't seemed to have any luck getting through to her."

"We'll have to work on it."

"Good luck," Hotch said. He had tried time and again to get her to go to another appointment and schedule the surgery, but she was insistent that it could wait.

He just rolled his eyes and the two of them went to join the rest of the group in the kitchen. They could hear the kids playing in the backyard while Penelope kept saying that she wanted them to come in so she could give them gifts.

"You have to stop buying them stuff," Emily claimed. "You practically bought Nate a new wardrobe already. How are you not broke?"

"I'm a smart shopper," Penelope insisted. "I don't have any kiddies and they won't be little forever, so let me enjoy it while I can. Unless one of you want to breed a whole hoard for me to spoil, but then I might need to take some side jobs."

Penelope looked at Emily and JJ hopefully.

"Don't look at me," Emily said. "I'm single and old."

"Not too old," JJ added.

"Still single."

"We can find you a donor," Penelope cheered. "Oh Derek can do it. Or Spence. Will? Hotch?"

"Ok…" Emily stopped her before she could take it any further. "JJ, want to help out here."

"No baby cooking in here either, Pen. What will be, will be," JJ replied.

"Ugh," Penelope grumbled. "Well can someone adopt a baby then."

"If you have baby fever, why don't _you_ do something about it," Emily suggested.

"Oh no. I like to return kids all hopped up on sugar and carbs after fun with Auntie P. I don't want to keep them full time."

The others all looked at her incredulously and were thankful when distraction came in the form of the doorbell.

"I'll get it." Penelope jumped up and ran off to greet Derek and Dave.

Soon, the kids were called in for dinner and everyone was having a good time. Unfortunately, Emily's phone rang midway through, disrupting the friendly chatter.

"Sorry. I need to get this." Emily excused herself from the table, stepping just outside the kitchen/dining area.

They could still hear her.

"I thought this was all taken care of," she said to the caller, agitation clear in her voice. "I already cleared that…. We took care of that…. No… Yes."

Those at the table heard enough to learn it was something about Vince's service.

"I made sure that all calls were supposed to go to me or Clyde," Hotch said, making sure the kids weren't paying attention.

"Has she been getting a lot of calls?"

"Yes. She always has something to do. I don't know when she sleeps. I offered to help, but she doesn't ever say yes."

"And she still hasn't set up an appointment for her surgery," Spencer added.

"She told me that she was going to take care of that last week," Penelope said, unhappy.

"Maybe she told you that," Dave said, "But she didn't follow through."

"She's trying to take care of everything," Hotch said, "And I don't think she's taking the time to take care of herself."

What he wasn't saying was that he feared things would get worse when or if James woke up. She was throwing herself into being the best mother figure for Nate, taking care of the apartment despite how many times he told her not to, and making sure James got the best care. It was a lot, and something had to take a hit. He was afraid that something was her and her own health.

"We'll have to make sure she does," Derek told them. He was going to need a one on one with her soon.

When Emily returned to the table, she was frustrated and became a little frazzled when she realized everyone just stopped talking once she came back. She rolled her eyes. They were talking about her.

"Who was that?" Spencer asked.

"Just had to take care of a few last-minute things for the funeral." Stressed, she ran a hand through her hair. "Nothing to worry about. I talked with Clyde. He's going to take care of the rest for me."

"When does he go back to London?"

"Monday. He took some time off to help out here, but with me gone, Francie in custody, and Kurt… It's all hands on deck there."

"Speaking of London and Interpol…" Spencer started, the rest dying off.

Seeing his hesitation, JJ finished for him. "Have you thought about going back?"

"I'm on medical leave," Emily responded. "So, it's not even something to think about right now."

"Maybe it is," Hotch said, seeing his opening to bring up the surgery.

Brows furrowed, Emily asked, "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Hotch shook his head, cleared his throat, and continued, "What I mean is, even if you're not thinking about returning, you have to think about working again somewhere, right? And you want to have the option to go back to Interpol?"

"I do and I have it," Emily spoke like she couldn't understand what they were getting at. "The option is there." She just definitely didn't know what she wanted to do. There was so much to keep her there, and, if she was honest, she missed being around her friends and she loved them, but she also loved her life in England too. She loved her job and seeing Clyde more often. Ultimately, no decisions would be made until she learned James' fate because so much depended on that.

If she were truly honest with herself, which she wasn't being, London was her escape. She was never one to run from problems, but she feared that if James woke up perfectly fine, he would want Nate all to himself again. Then what would be left for her? She couldn't stay so close to Nate and not be a part of his life, especially after getting to know him. So, if that happened, she was gone. She was going to run back to London and hope that would help with her heartbreak.

"Are you listening to us?"

_No… _"Of course. You guys are wondering why I haven't had the surgery yet. Think I should have done it already."

"Well, scientifically, the statistics say…"

"I know what they say, Spence," Emily interrupted. "I've been a little busy and, while I'm not the fastest walker right now, I'm better off than I would be if I just had surgery. I told you I'm going to do it, and I am," Emily said defensively, the stress in her voice evident. "I'm just… waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Hotch asked. He tried talking about it before and didn't get far, so he wanted to keep this train moving.

"The right time," she answered.

"When is that?" Derek pushed.

"When the damage is irreversible or the chances of a full recovery diminish?" Spencer threw into the ring.

Emily looked over to Nate with a look of longing, like she was afraid to even miss a moment.

"I'm going to do it when I have time. I don't have time now."

"When will you?" JJ asked.

"I wish I knew. Look, my health is important, I know, and I get that you all care about me, but I just need to get through this weekend. After that, I will set up a pre-surgery appointment. That has to be enough for now."

"Fine," Penelope was the first to give in. "But I'm making the appointment and one of us is going with you."

Emily wanted to refuse, but maybe, she realized, she needed the kick in the butt to get on top of things. "Alright, we can discuss times later."

"That was easier than I thought. Ok." Penelope happily said, putting a forkful of pasta into her mouth.

From that point on, Emily steered the rest of the conversation away from her. They got in the occasional question and Emily did try to remain as present in the talk as possible, but her thoughts drifted. There was a lot on her mind. Nate. James. Vince. The funeral. Her surgery. Her mother. The team. Clyde. Jack. Henry. Interpol. It was an endless stream and, at times, crazy overwhelming.

Her head was spinning, and she was in no position to lose control.

"Pull it together," she told herself.

"What was that?" Dave asked.

"I said we should get going soon."

"What?" Penelope yelled.

"It's still early," JJ reasoned.

"I know, but I have so much I still need to do for this weekend and you guys have work tomorrow."

There seemed to be a collective sigh. Hotch and Spencer understood the extra layer of pressure she was putting on herself with Nate. She wanted things to be perfect for him, especially given the situation with his fathers. She was the one providing for him and she was the only person he had. How was that not pressure?

They could see she was struggling, and they wanted to offer help, but she wouldn't take it. Still, Pen offered to do anything she needed, and Derek offered to take Nate to visit with James if Emily needed a break. They all said they would do that.

Emily would take them up on some help down the line, but, right now, she needed to handle things predominantly on her own. There were a lot of things she couldn't control, but those she could, she felt she had to. That was the only way she knew to deal with what was going on, with the possibility that her friend, her once best friend, might never wake up and the difficult choice that presented. That was just the tip of the iceberg.

When they left, she could see that Spencer was itching to talk with her, each of the team seemed to want a moment alone to see where she was at.

"Stop looking at me like that," she told them. "I'm fine."

They weren't so sure. She hadn't really dealt with being attacked, the feelings being in hiding brought back up… none of it. That made the team edgy which in turn made them want to hover. Since she no longer worked with them, she was able to avoid most hovering, but that didn't stop them from calling often and texting little things. It was appreciated, but it was also not helpful.

It didn't matter. She would convince them she was fine because she believed she was, and she would make Nate ok again too.

Most of the next day was spent at the hospital with Nate visiting James. Nate's interactions with his father were fewer and more forced than they were even a week ago. Emily tried to talk to him about it, but he only said that he was sad. Emily was too. He was sad and he didn't see the point of acting like his dad was going to talk back.

"He's not going to," Nate had said. "Not yet."

"Soon," Emily hoped.

"Yeah."

Nate really believed that his dad could still come back to him but didn't want to wait any more. He wanted him now because everything else was torture. And now that he knew his father could wake up, the doctors saying it was up to him, it almost made it worse that he hadn't. It had Nate, despite Emily's intuitive attempts at telling him it wasn't, thinking it was his fault.

It was almost good that he had distractions. Emily had him help her pick out things for the service. They sat in the hospital around James, looking through the photos Emily took from the Virginia house. She wanted him to pick out his favorite of his father.

"We'll frame it," she told him. "And eventually, we can hang it in your room."

That was part of the many funeral arrangements she had to make over the next two days.

Come Saturday, and it was time for the burial. Emily buried Vince under the name he truly lived, not Dominic Bardolino, because that wasn't who he was anymore, in the same cemetery that James' parents were laid to rest. He, unlike Emily, had an amazing relationship with his parents, so, Emily knew that James would want his family together, even in death, and she knew that one day, Nate would want the same.

The ceremony was mostly for Nate, though she considered waiting for James because it would be closure for him too, and, really, should have been his decision. They just didn't have that kind of time. There was no one who really knew Vince outside of the two of them and James. Still, Elizabeth, Clyde, the team, and even Jack came too. Emily and Nate were thankful. It was simple, but beautiful. Emily asked a priest that she knew to speak at the internment, specifically requesting a bible passage that would help Nate understand closure and saying goodbye.

He found one that worked and made both Emily and Nate cry.

She held Nate close to her, pressed up against her good leg, head on her side as her arm wrapped around him. The body was lowered to the ground. Quietly, she whispered an Italian prayer she learned as a kid. Biting her lip, she held Nate tighter as he continued to cry.

"It'll be ok," Jack said, coming up and hugging them both.

It was the most cliché line, and if it came from anyone else, Emily would have been annoyed, but from him, she believed it. Vince would be missed by at least two people who loved him unconditionally and a friend who got to know him again in the end. But Nate would get through because he had her and a new extended family that welcomed him with opened arms like he was born to be one of them. Hearing Jack say that, though, only made her cry more.

Everyone surrounded them, wrapped them in love and comfort to let them know they weren't experiencing this alone. They would never be alone. There were so many hugs and words of comfort that Emily and Nate couldn't even tell who was saying what anymore. The only thing they were focused on was their goodbye.

"Do you want us to wait?" Clyde asked when the ceremony was over.

"No… Give us a moment alone, please," Emily said.

Everyone left but Hotch who stayed back by the car while they took some alone time to say their final goodbye. He could see Emily and Nate approach where the casket was and say something as they slowly released a handful of dirt over the site. They hugged and he knew they were crying again, holding onto each other like they were the only things getting them through this. When they walked back toward him, he didn't hesitate to hug them both before opening the car doors for them. Nothing needed to be said.

There was a small get together at Dave's afterward, one Emily and Nate opted not to go to, or rather leave almost as soon as they got there, instead choosing to go to the hospital.

"We just need to be with James," Emily said to her friends. "Nate needs that, and I need to tell my friend that I did right by his partner."

Everyone understood. Despite what Hotch knew about Vince and his role in Emily's absence from Nate's life, he knew she felt a sense of obligation and responsibility to her friend and her son. They needed to grieve and remember in their own way.

They came home from the hospital late and tired. Hotch waited up, but didn't bother them, simply disappearing into his room once he heard them come in. Emily slept poorly that night, with Nate in her bed restless too, but it felt like getting a true goodbye with Vince helped them.

The next day, Emily wanted to make things as light and carefree for Nate as possible; nothing depressing. It was about a week before classes began, and Emily took Nate and Jack school shopping. She was new to the whole experience, but JJ was there with her. Each student was given a list of back to school supplies both recommended and required.

She didn't realize how crazy the stores would be with the back-to-school shopping sales and last-minute rush. It didn't help that she was still moving slow and other shoppers were incredibly rude or that the kids were all giddy with the end of summer vibes making them run around like on a sugar high. They were looking forward to school and friends and all that entailed. She missed the days when school was exciting to her, but Emily felt like, regardless of the crazy shopping, she was getting the experience back with Nate.

"I'm suddenly understanding why my mother hired people to do these things."

"You love it," JJ teased, playfully slapping Emily's arm.

"I wouldn't say I love it, but… I don't exactly hate it," she admitted.

"You love it," JJ repeated, and yes, yes, she did.

She loved getting this first with Nate, a first that neither James or Vince were a part of or could take away from her. She didn't know how to feel about that feeling. Maybe there was some bitterness still hidden away. It didn't drive her, but it was there. She was just happy to be in that moment with Nate. It was all she ever wanted and wouldn't let herself admit. She even loved having Jack in her little gang too.

"Ok boys. Let's see if we have everything. Backpacks?"

"Check," all three responded.

"Pencils?" JJ asked.

"Yup."

"And colored pencils, too," Nate added.

"Markers?"

"Here." Jack held them up.

They went through the list.

"Looks like we have everything," Emily said, smiling bigger and truer than she had in weeks. "On to the next stop."

After buying everything, they had to go clothes shopping. Nate had plenty of clothes thanks to Jack's hand-me-downs and Penelope's spending habits, but Emily didn't want to be robbed of the chance to buy him some clothes for his first school day.

It was quite the experience and it seemed she and JJ were more into it than the boys were.

"It's because they're boys," JJ said. "They usually don't care about which colors go with what or which bring out their eyes. Makes them easy to dress, but less fun to buy for."

"I'll keep that in mind," Emily replied, silently thanking JJ for the mothering advice. Professor JJ teaching how to raise boys 101.

The boys were hungry after their shopping, so JJ suggested that they get some take out and then head to the park.

"That way they can wear themselves out and we can have some girl time."

"Sure," Emily agreed.

They got some food and settled on a picnic bench. JJ and Emily talked about "motherhood" and carpool, JJ trying to prep Emily for the craziness and fun of raising a school child.

"You're going to be in fourth grade, I hear, Nate. Are you excited?"

He nodded.

"And a little nervous too?"

"A little," he admitted.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"School's fun," Henry told him.

"It is," Jack promised. "And I'll be around if you need me. You'll have fun. I promise."

He would have fun and he was comforted that Jack would be around. The first day had its ups and downs, but it was an overall good day.

Emily and Hotch woke up early that morning. She packed their lunches and wrote a cute little note to go with it. _Have a fun first day. Learn hard, play hard. Love E. _

The boys woke up at seven to breakfast ready and waiting on the table. Consensus the night before was waffles, so Emily made sure to prepare that and a bowl of fruit for them. Ever the nervous parent, Emily laid out each boy's clothes the night before. After eating, she sent them to brush their teeth and get dressed.

"Here Hotch. I made some for you, too."

"This is much better than cereal," he said, accepting the waffles. "Did you make me lunch, too?"

"Actually," Emily said, pulling out a bag. "I went a little overboard, so there were some leftovers. Thought you would get hungry and could take it to work."

"You actually packed me lunch?"

"I did. Is that weird?" she asked, self-consciously.

"Doesn't have to be. Depends what it is," he joked, peeking inside the bag. "Carrot sticks, apple slices with caramel, popcorn, and a sandwich roll-up."

"Portions adjusted up for you."

He laughed. "That's better than anything my mom ever packed for me."

_Mine too,_ Emily thought. "There's a no nut product rule and a whole list of allergens we're not allowed to pack."

"I know. Maybe you have this mom thing down pat," Hotch teased, patting her shoulder, and though she knew he was being funny, she took the compliment with a giant smile. He looked to his watch. "Wow, I need to leave."

"Boys, time to go," Emily yelled.

Together, Emily and Hotch walked them to the bus stop at the end of the street and waited with a few other parents and kids. When they saw the bus coming, they said goodbye and wished them luck.

"Remember what we talked about," Emily told Nate. "You're going to do great."

"Bye Emily."

"Bye," she said as he and Jack boarded the bus.

Emily couldn't describe the emotion she was feeling. It was a mix of everything. It was like she missed him already, but so happy for him too.

"Are you going to cry?"

"What? Who? Me? No," Emily insisted.

He smiled and put an arm around her as they waved to the kids.

"They're all grown up," he said.

"Too grown up."

He didn't want to tell her that feeling only got worse the older and more independent they became.

Hotch had to get to work, so he thanked Emily for lunch and reminded her about the bus pick up time before taking off.

Nate and Jack had an interesting first day. Jack was in seventh grade and jumped right in, no problem. He had a group of friends he had been going to school with for years. It was a little different for Nate. Jack showed him to his class and helped him start the day, but then he was on his own.

He wasn't sure what to do. There were so many kids, and no one was really talking to him, the new kid. It took some attempts, but finally, it was his cast that got him an in. Someone commented on the drawings and asked how it happened. By the end of the day, he was the cool new kid who was beginning to make some friends. Trying anyway. And he was so excited to share that with Emily when the day was over, almost as excited as Emily was to hear it.

That was pretty much how every day after went. The first few days were still a learning process, but they all learned together. School helped Nate's attitude start to return to normal. Of course, he still missed his dad, both of them, but he was trying. He was distracted. And he was smart. Being social with so many kids was still new, and sometimes it wasn't easy for Nate, but he did manage to find a kid in his class that he really took to. It was good.

And things were going to get better.

The next Monday, they had off from school because of Labor Day. Everyone got together at Dave's and they had a barbeque. That was when Emily got a call from Dr. Durant. James showed some signs of alertness. He was reacting to pain.

They immediately went to visit, and waited, and waited, and waited, but nothing happened. Nor did anything happen the next day. But James woke up that Wednesday. Emily took Nate for a visit after school while Hotch took Jack to sign up for soccer, Emily asking him to sign up Nate too after he expressed some interest. Nate was getting his cast off, and once that was done, they sat by James' bedside again, hoping and waiting.

They were just talking about activities that Nate might want to take part in at school when Emily noticed some movement.

James' hand had moved. She stood immediately, standing as close to the bed as she could.

"James?" she asked, Nate now paying attention.

A quiet grumble sounded, and Emily animatedly told Nate to come closer.

James' hand moved again. Both Emily and Nate kept talking to him, hoping to ease him awake. When he opened his eyes and his hand seemed to squeeze theirs, everything else seemed to fade away. The pain, the worry, the stress… All of it gone and they were infinitely happy.

But like with most euphoric feelings, it wouldn't last forever. It was an amazing moment, an amazing time, and they would revel in it, but things almost always got worse before they truly got better.


	27. Wake

**Chapter 27: Wake**

"James. James, can you hear me?" Emily asked as he squeezed her hand and Nate's with his other.

He said nothing but was able to follow her voice. She thought that was a good sign.

"Dad? Daddy?" Nate tried.

Again, he didn't say anything, but his head turned so he could look at his son.

Another grunting noise sounded.

Emily could see the panic in James' eyes when he looked at her again. "You're ok," she told him. "You're in the hospital here in Virginia. Everything is ok."

He looked a little dazed and confused, which Emily thought wasn't unusual after a coma, but still worried her.

"Emily's been taking really good care of me Dad," Nate said, hoping it would help his father to hear.

"James? Can you look at me?" Emily asked.

He looked.

"How are you feeling?"

He gave a gurgled sentence. Emily couldn't tell if it was an actual sentence that sounded somewhat close to, what she thought might be, "what happened" or just a string of sounds.

"We have a lot to talk about," Emily quelled him, worried now. "But right now, your son wants to talk with you." Emily smiled at Nate and said, "Keep talking to him, ok, Nate?"

"Ok," he agreed, telling his father everything he could think of while Emily slipped out of the room to alert the medical staff.

They followed her into the room and immediately asked her and Nate to leave.

"We just need to keep him calm and check his vitals. Then Dr. Durant will come in. That's all. We're just checking on him," a nurse explained as she pushed them out.

"He's awake," Nate said once they were in the ICU lounge area. "He really woke up."

"He did." Emily smiled and hugged Nate. "He woke up."

"You don't seem as happy as me," Nate told her.

"I am so happy," she said. "So, so happy."

But she couldn't tell him that she was scared too. She was scared that the prolonged coma worsened the damage to James' brain and that his lack of coherent speech had less to do with the post coma fog and more to do with a complication from the injuries. Plus, she didn't know what other issues might arise. They knew there was definite damage, and now they were going to discover the ramifications.

It was like the finish line was in sight. Everyone was happy and carefree, but a giant boulder was about to come and knock them all over, maybe preventing them from ever reaching it. That was how it felt to Emily. Her chest felt tight, her anxiety rising.

She was happy, yes. Thrilled. But it wasn't over. It really had only just begun. She wasn't going to share those thoughts. Nate didn't need to hear it.

As Nate sat there excitedly, Emily watched the nurses come in and out of the room until Dr. Durant came. She wanted to stop him before he even went in, but ultimately didn't. She'd ask questions after he did his exam. In the meantime, they waited. Nate was anxious to get back in there and see his dad, unaware that the man in there could be completely different. Hell, Emily thought, he might not even remember them or anything. That would just kill Nate.

"Stop it," Emily told herself. "Stop thinking about the worst."

"Emily? When are we gonna get to go back in there? I want to see him."

"Soon. They have to check on him. Then, when they're done, they'll let us in. It's hard, but just keep patient."

"Then can you stop shaking your leg? You might hurt that one too," Nate said with a pout.

Emily hadn't even realized her leg was shaking, but when she looked down, she saw it was. And then it made her think about how she was supposed to have her surgery this week. She and Penelope met with Dr. Mezzo the previous week while the team was traveling. She was told that they could and should do the surgery soon and he had a few openings for this week. Emily was given pamphlets and instructions and decided to do it this Friday. That way most of the school stuff would be taken care of and Hotch would be around for the weekend in case she needed some help during her recovery.

But now? Could she do it now? Would James be getting out of the hospital? If he was then would he be ok? Where would he go? Would Nate be ok with him? What about Nate? So many questions passed through.

She needed to slow her mind. It felt like too much. It was all too much.

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Breathe," she silently coached herself, hand reaching down to her bouncing leg to hold it still.

They didn't talk as they waited, both simmering in anticipation. Emily and Nate held hands., both itching to learn more, but they remained relatively still and waited. And waited… It took a long time before Dr. Durant came out, or at least it felt like it had, and he walked close by, stopping before he approached.

"Can we talk?" he asked Emily.

Clearly there was something he wanted to say that he didn't want Nate to hear.

Emily nodded and stood. "Stay here, Nate. Don't go anywhere and I'll be right back."

"But I want to come."

"Not yet. Just stay put."

He wasn't happy, but he huffed an "ok," and allowed her to step just out of hearing range without any debate.

"What's going on?" Emily asked Dr. Durant.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions before I talk about his recovery. Is that ok?"

"Ask," she insisted.

"When he woke, did you speak to James?"

"Yes."

"Did he verbally respond?"

"With grunts and mumbles."

Dr. Durant nodded, like that was what he expected.

"He didn't say anything?"

"I don't know… Maybe. There was a point when it sounded like he was trying to say something, but it came out incoherent." Emily sighed. "That's not normal, is it?"

"It's not abnormal," he responded, but the tone of his voice and his overall posture told Emily that he wasn't being completely truthful. Something was wrong.

"You're prepared for this," she told herself before audibly asking, "What's going on? It's the brain damage, right? Something's wrong?"

"We still need to run some tests and give him a little time to adjust, but it appears as if he's suffering from a speech impairment."

"Like aphasia?"

"Exactly like that. The words are there, but the right ones don't come out. I tried to have a dialogue with him and he was able to speak in a more coherent way. Words were clearer and more understandable, but not the right ones."

"Is this… permanent?"

Dr. Durant gave her a kind, sympathetic smile. "One step at a time. He just woke up. Should this persist, with occupational therapy and a set rehabilitation plan, he can retrain his brain."

Emily would accept that for more, hoping it would just go away before Nate realized it was happening. It was unlikely, but she was still hoping.

"Is there… Is there anything else?"

"We're going to run tests now that he's alert. We should get a better picture of what's going on and come up with a plan from there."

"Can we see him?"

"Yes, though I must warn you that, while we were speaking, he became scared and confused when he realized his problem with language. He worked himself up and, in fear he would hurt himself in the panic, I gave him a sedative."

Emily didn't like that. "He just woke up."

"Yes, but right now, he's just sleeping. He needs it. It will wear off in a few hours, but he's likely to sleep through the night."

"So, we can see him, but it won't be any different than when he was in a coma for now."

"Just for the night. You are both more than welcome to see him. Visiting hours are over soon. Tomorrow morning, once he's alert, we'll start testing everything."

Upon her request, he explained what "everything" meant. They were testing for all kinds of deficits: neurological, motor function, speech, sensory… The list went on and just hearing it was enough to make her stomach hurt.

Her friend was alive but was he still the same person? Would he still have his smart-ass mouth that could match hers or his gentle, but outspoken personality? He was physically there, but would he be the same?

It seemed, somewhere along the way, Emily became so caught up in her own thoughts that she stopped hearing what he was telling her. She managed to come back for the end.

"This is a lot to take in, and as I said, we don't know anything yet. There was damage to the brain, which you know, and now we're going to learn what that means for James and his recovery."

"I'll…" Her hand went through her hair as if she was about to rip it out. "I'll be here in the morning for the tests. I want to be with him for as much as I can."

Dr. Durant nodded and told her what to expect.

"Thank you," she sadly said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Get some rest," he told her. "And don't worry about what might be until we know what is."

_Easier said than done…_

The doctor shook her hand and left. She went back to Nate and told him they could see James, but only briefly.

"Why?"

"Well, he's sleeping."

"Again?!"

"Not like before. Normal sleeping. The doctor said your dad needs lots of sleep so he can heal completely."

"He's been resting forever."

He huffed.

"He sleeps too much. It's not fair. I just wanna talk to my dad."

"I know," she said, understandingly. She wished it was easier. "Soon he won't be sleeping more than normal. But he will be weak for a while. The coma slowed his body, so he won't… He won't act completely like normal."

Nate said nothing, just got up and walked to the room leaving Emily behind. She trailed him, not rushing. If he needed a moment, she would allow him to have it. He was mad and upset. She couldn't say she felt any differently.

She stood outside the door that just closed behind Nate, hesitating. Her hand and forehead rested on the door as she took a deep breath. Finally, after a few calming breaths, Emily went in. She saw Nate standing next to his father, tapping his arm.

"He's not waking up!"

"Nate. Hey, stop," Emily said, rushing over to him. "Stop that. He needs to rest."

Verging on tears, he said, "But if he was just sleeping, he would wake up."

"He will. In the morning. The doctor gave him medicine for the night, so he doesn't move too much in his sleep."

"I want him awake. I finally can talk to him and now I can't again," Nate whined, the emotion catching up to him.

"Come here." Emily pulled him into her, his back smashing against her legs as she wrapped her arms around him. "He's going to be awake soon. This isn't a coma. He is just sleeping like everyone does. The medicine is just to help him rest peacefully and allow the doctors to do tests. But he won't be awake until tomorrow, so why don't you say goodnight and then we can go home. I can take you back here tomorrow."

"No school?"

"We can come after school."

His bottom lip stuck out. "Alright." Though never really yelled at by Emily, Nate was smart enough to recognize the look on her face, the one that pleaded for cooperation before tempers were lost.

Miserably, Nate went to the bed, kissed his father's cheek, and said, "Love you Dad. Night."

"He loves you too, Nate," Emily told them as they walked out. "Remember that."

They left the hospital and met with the driver Elizabeth set up for them since Emily was supposed to have surgery which would make driving hard. She asked him to take them straight home. Nate had homework and needed a shower before bed and Emily just needed a moment alone. Not to mention neither had eaten dinner yet. Neither was hungry either.

When they got to Hotch's, the place was lit up with happy sounds. Hotch and Jack were playing in the living room.

"Hey, welcome back," Hotch called when he heard them enter.

He looked around questioningly when he didn't get a response.

"Let's call this a draw, Jack. Now that they're home we should have dinner. Go wash your hands and get ready."

"Ok."

Jack and Hotch quickly swept up the game pieces and listened for the other occupants. They saw Nate walk past them with a simple wave before disappearing into the bedroom, but they had yet to see Emily. When they were done, he went to check on her.

Emily was in the kitchen, shoulders slumped as she propped herself up with the counter.

"Emily? You ok?" Hotch asked.

"You cooked," Emily said, ignoring the question.

"Yeah. Jack and I did a little while ago. We got in a little later, so we thought we'd wait for you."

"You didn't need to do that."

"We wanted to," he said. He took a moment to really observe her. She hadn't looked up and her whole body was stiff. "Are you ok?"

She finally stood up and looked at him. "Fine." But he could see she wasn't.

"James woke up."

"What? That's amazing."

"Yeah," she spoke dejectedly.

"Not amazing?"

She simply shrugged.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder to keep her attention.

She moved away from his touch. It wasn't a reaction to him so much as it was an emotional escape. His comfort, she believed, might make her lose it.

"Can we talk about this later?"

"Sure. Sure. Why don't we all sit down for dinner?"

"Fine."

Though, that was the last thing the duo wanted to do. Hotch and Jack were great, but they were going through something. It wasn't an awkward dinner, but it wasn't up to its lively standards either. Nate ate diligently as he answered Jack's questions about what he learned in school that day, but Hotch had his eyes on Emily.

Something wasn't right. She hadn't even taken one bite yet. She was just pushing the food around.

"Emily, don't you like it? Dad and I made it special."

"What?"

"The food. Dad and I made it."

"It's delicious," she said, taking a bite just to show him she did. "You did a great job, Jack."

"Thanks. I knew you'd like it."

"I do," Emily promised. And if her taste buds weren't clouded by the wreak of worry, she knew she would have.

Feeling Hotch watching, she lifted up her fork as if toasting with a glass of champagne, and took one last bite. Everyone else seemed to be done, so she thought that was her opportunity to get away from the table. She announced that she would do dishes and told Nate to go work on homework.

Hotch added, "Jack, go take your shower. We can play cards or watch a show before bed."

"Alright."

Both kids dutifully did as was asked of them leaving the adults alone. Emily was clearing the table when Hotch stopped her.

"Not hungry?" he asked.

"Not really. Ate a little at the hospital." It wasn't untrue. Nate needed food, so she got snacks to tide them over early into their visit. "You don't need to help," she said when he started to pick up some of the plates.

"I'm still going to," he replied. "No arguing."

"Suit yourself."

Once the table was cleared and Emily began rinsing off the dishes, Hotch leaned up against the counter next to her.

"What happened at the hospital? Is James ok?"

"Depends on your definition of ok."

"What does that mean, Emily? Talk to me."

"I don't really know anything. They're running tests."

"You're worried."

Emily stopped rinsing, the sounds of running water becoming loud as everything else was quiet, and then she looked at Hotch. "He has brain damage, Hotch. He couldn't put together a sentence when he woke up."

"Is it permanent?"

"We don't know. We don't know anything, but I just… I have this feeling that I don't know how to describe. This aching feeling."

"Hey," Hotch wrapped his arms around her. "We'll figure it out. Whatever happens, I'll help you and Nate. You know that."

"I know." Emily backed away. "Think you can put these in the dish washer while I go check on Nate?"

He examined her. He wasn't ready to end the conversation, but he could see she was. "Ok. Yeah. Thanks for rinsing."

She nodded and left without a word. Emily stopped in Nate and Jack's room to see Jack checking Nate's work, something she usually double checked after him. She didn't interrupt. They looked sweet together and Nate seemed relaxed. She wasn't going to ruin that with her nervous energy. Besides, she wanted a moment alone.

Emily beelined for her room, quietly closing and locking the door behind her. All the thoughts she pushed away were back again. Everything the doctor said, all the possibilities of the tests all ran rampant through her head. It had her questioning everything and worried about everything. More specifically, she was worried about Nate and what the complications would mean for him. She was an adult and, though all of it would sadden her, she could handle it. Nate couldn't. He was already sad and frustrated.

Tears fell. There was no holding back. They were quiet tears as not to alert anyone, but they were free flowing. It was the first time she let herself feel something without controlling it. Vince was dead and her James might never come back.

A harrowing breath, she told herself to get it together. The night wasn't over, and she didn't know anything for sure yet. She had to stop being a baby and focus on what was important. Right now, that was Nate. So, she showered, got into some pajamas, and went out to face everyone like nothing happened behind closed doors.

"Anyone want to watch some TV?" Emily asked the gang.

Both kids said yes. Before allowing them, she asked if their homework was done.

"Yes." They even showed her.

"And teeth are brushed?"

"Yup."

"Good then come on. You guys can pick what we watch," she told the kids.

"You sure about that?" Hotch whispered. "You know we're going to be stuck watching one of those stupid cartoons they both seem to like."

"I don't care," she said. "Whatever makes them happy."

"And what about you?"

"What about me, Hotch?"

"What would make you happy?"

A reversal of time… The ability to do things differently, to control the situation better, or prevent all the bad that happened… Maybe not…

"Honestly… I have no idea."

"Maybe we need to work on figuring that out."

Emily raised her brows. "Maybe."

All four cozied up on the couch to watch some tween show. Not a cartoon. Emily didn't pay attention at all, couldn't say one thing about what was happening on TV, but it was nice to hear Jack and Nate laugh and talk about the show. It was medicine for the weirdly categorized good-bad day.

"You ok?" Hotch quietly asked her.

"I'm ok," she assured him.

She wasn't. She just didn't know it.

Around nine, the boys were sent to bed with no fuss. They had school in the morning and knew the house rules. Emily claimed she was tired and was going to turn in too, but she just laid in bed awake. She stared at the ceiling for hours, willing herself not to think or to think about something good. Nothing allowed her mind to rest. She would know tomorrow what her friend's future held, and she was terrified.

Eventually, she got up and began pacing her room, and then turned on the desk lamp to try reading. Nothing helped.

A knock sounded on her door, scaring her.

"Emily? Are you awake?"

Her eyes wrinkled as she went to open the door. "Hotch? What are you –"

"I heard you walking around and didn't know if it was the boys. Thought I'd check. Are you ok?"

"Would you believe me if I said yes?"

"Not even a little." He nudged her toward the bed until they were both sitting down. "Want to talk now?"

"Not really."

"Will you, anyway?"

"I don't know what's going to happen," she admitted. "The list of all that could be wrong just keeps playing and playing in my mind. I can't sleep. I just keep thinking. How is Nate going to handle something being wrong? _Something else_ being wrong?"

Emily continued her rant until Hotch had enough. She was working herself into a tizzy.

"Relax. Relax," he said. "We don't know anything yet. That's what you said. Don't panic until you know more."

"Tell me how to stop."

He didn't have an answer. "You find a way, because you have a little boy counting on you to get him through. That means keeping calm. So, breathe, just breathe. You said they were doing tests in the morning. We'll know something then."

"What if I'm not ready to know?"

"I've never known you not to be ready for anything."

"Anything wasn't this. I'm not ready for this. This isn't an UnSub I can outsmart. It's my friend. It's… It's _my son's _father."

"I know… You and Nate and James will get through this."

"I hope so."

"I know so. Now please try to rest. I can stay here with you if you think it would help."

"No…" She shook her head. "You don't need to."

"You have to stop saying that. I know I don't need to, but if it will help or you want me to, I will."

"It's ok."

"Then promise me you'll get some sleep. You need it in order to help James and Nate tomorrow, and then you have your surgery coming up. You need to take it easy."

"Yeah… You should rest too."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" he asked as he started for the door.

She couldn't say she wasn't tempted.

"Yes. Thank you."

She laid down and was quiet as he walked away, but she stopped him before he could close the door. "I don't think I should have the surgery."


	28. Uncertainty

**Chapter 28: Uncertainty **

"I don't think I should have the surgery."

Emily's voice made him pause and turn back to her immediately. "Not have the surgery? Why? You need it."

"I do… But it can wait."

"No, it can't."

"Yes, it can. I can walk. My leg is fine."

"It's not. That's why you're getting the surgery in the first place."

"I can't do it. Not right now."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about needing to be on call 24/7 for both Nate and James. Who knows what's going to happen next? I certainly don't. But I do know that they're both going to need my help and I need to be available for them. I can't do that if I'm back on crutches again or doing physical therapy every day."

"Postponing your surgery won't make you better for them. Your knee will be weak. You could worsen it, and then what happens? How will you help when you can't do anything?"

"You don't know that will happen."

"And you don't know that it won't," he argued.

"Maybe not, but this is where I'm at. I don't know if I can do the surgery right now."

"Emily… think logically here. You know that not getting it won't change anything."

Maybe not, she thought, but maybe so. They didn't know. That was the problem. She didn't know anything. Everything was so uncertain. It wasn't that she was afraid to go under the knife. It was a simple surgery. And it wasn't that she was afraid of the work she would have to do for her recovery. No, it was the uncertainty of it all. It was the not knowing how slow her recovery might go and how it would interfere with her taking care of Nate, especially when he was in a vulnerable spot and his father was in a precarious place.

"Hotch," she stopped him. What he was saying made sense, but her point wasn't being heard. "We're just going to go back and forth. It's too late to be having this conversation. I know what I want and that has to be something you accept."

"Can't you see…"

"I see a pointless conversation being had in the middle of the night when I'm already on overload. I just… I just can't do this with you right now," she admitted. She didn't want to be argued with. There was enough going on inside her already.

"Fine. Just promise you'll think this through."

"I promise." Though, she was sure her mind was made up.

And come morning, she was still resolute on that fact. She woke up after minimal sleep and went about things as normal. She was the first one up and got right to work. Lunches were made. Breakfast was cooked. Boys were woken up. Homework was checked. Emily did it all. Hotch helped, but since he had been trying to talk with Emily, she pushed him out of the way so she could do what she needed. Eventually she ran out of things that needed doing and the kids were on the bus.

He wanted to talk as they walked back to the apartment, but feared she'd run. Potentially physically, so he waited until they got back.

"Did you give it anymore thought?" Hotch asked as he put papers in his briefcase preparing to leave.

"Yes."

"And where did that get you?"

"Exactly where I was last night. Nothing has changed."

"Emily –"

"You should go," she cut him off. "Or you'll be late."

"We should talk more."

"No," Emily firmly said. "You should get to work, and I should get to the hospital."

"Are you going to be there all day?"

"I don't know, maybe. Why does it matter?" She was frustrated and grumpy from lack of sleep.

"Because I care," he said sincerely.

"Well, you're not my keeper. Don't worry about me."

He didn't let her attitude get to him. He knew she didn't sleep, and he knew she was emotional. He was a safe target for her to let out her frustrations. Better him than her just holding it all in, he figured.

"Alright, Emily. I'm going to go to work, but I'm going to call you around lunch time. Please answer and please consider keeping your surgery on the books."

"Sure Hotch. Have a good day. Let me know if you catch a case."

"I will."

Things were off between them and it wasn't a "them" issue. It was Emily's anxieties and insecurities getting the best of her. It would pass. It had to, and all Hotch could do was support her or, better even, convince her that she shouldn't be risking her health. That was his plan.

As he started in on making the plan work, Emily was at the hospital with James.

When she arrived, he was awake and alert. He looked to her as soon as she walked through the door.

"Em… Em…" he said, having trouble saying the rest of her name.

"Hi James. It's good to see you awake again." Emily grinned and took a seat, her hand taking his. "You feeling ok?"

"Pillow," James replied.

Emily spoke with the doctor before coming in. James was examined by the speech-language pathologist early that morning before she arrived. He was definitively diagnosed with aphasia. It wasn't as severe as it could be, but it wasn't just going to go away either. Recovery would take work from everyone and could, potentially, never be cured.

The multitude of tests they did with him showed that his major issue was with producing language. He could read and write ok, though there was some occasional difficulty with that unrelated to the aphasia, and he could understand when communicated with, but he had a hard time responding appropriately. He understood and was able to gesture, so they considered him a somewhat functional communicator, but he was limited by other problems.

"Sometimes," Dr. Leanne Wimble told Emily, "He may produce nonsensical syllables or made up words, mix up sounds in a word, or use the wrong word. He may replace a word with something related or completely unrelated. He may have trouble stringing words together."

It was a lot to take in and when Emily asked how they handled it, Dr. Wimble told her that they would put him on a schedule for speech therapy and work to retrain the brain. In the meantime, they could use charts with pictures to help them communicate as well as a small portable whiteboard for James to use once he was strong enough to write more frequently. There was some muscle weakness from the weeks of inactivity. It would take a little time to rebuild strength.

So, based on what she knew, Emily tried to infer what he meant. Pillow could mean a few things, she guessed, but given the situation, she figured pillow was probably most related to bed. From there, she surmised he might be sleepy.

"You're tired?"

He nodded.

She smiled, keeping things normal. "I don't know how that's possible. You've been sleeping a long time now."

His face changed. The doctors might not have told him anything and she was afraid she was going to set him off. _Too late to backtrack now…_

Agitated, he let out a Dr. Seuss sounding made up word, and he said it over and over despite Emily's attempts to calm him. It was like he was begging her to answer and she didn't know how. It wasn't that she needed to know what the word meant to know what he was asking, just that she was afraid to give any answers.

"Calm down. Please James. Calm down. If you don't, they'll sedate you and… And I can't see that again. Please," she begged. "I'll tell you everything, but you have to stay calm."

He nodded slowly and Emily helped him lay back against the pillow. She could tell that just trying to sit up zapped his energy.

"Are you ok?"

He nodded again.

"Are you going to stay as calm as possible?"

Again.

"Ok…" Deep breath. "You were attacked."

He remembered that. She could tell.

Leaving out Vince's fate, she continued, "You had serious injuries including head injuries that left you in a coma. At first, it was a medically induced coma to help you heal, and to bring you here to the states, but then you decided that you liked to sleep."

He gestured to his wrist as if pointing to a watch.

"Time? How long?" Emily asked, getting an affirmative. "It's been…" She couldn't even give an answer without thinking about it. It had been forever. It was just after Nate's birthday when they approached her, so mid-June. And now it was September. "About two months."

His eyes widened and his breathing became rapid.

"Please. Relax."

"Cub? Cub?" he asked, voice strained.

"Cub?" Emily wondered. "Cub… Cub… as in bear? A bear cub? Nate? Are you asking about Nate?"

"Cub!" he yelled expressing that he was.

"Nate is doing great. He has missed you like crazy, but he's happy and healthy. Nothing to worry about with him," Emily assured.

Emily could tell that he was about to ask about Vince, so when a nurse came in and interrupted, she was grateful.

"Sorry guys. Mr. Hadley, we need to do some tests, alright?"

The nurse didn't wait for a response but did get a nod.

Talking to Emily, the nurse said, "It's going to take a few hours."

"Ok. Thank you. James, I'll be back once they're done. Ok? Don't stress over anything."

Emily practically rushed out of the room, finding a seat in the lounge to fall into. She watched as James was wheeled down the hall. Then, she just sat there. She didn't move for over an hour.

"This seat taken?" a voice asked.

Emily, recognizing the voice, immediately looked to the speaker. "Mom?" Was she seeing things? How did her mother know she'd be there? "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, Dear, and to visit with James. I hear he's awake," Elizabeth said as she moved closer, sitting across from Emily.

"He is. I told you that, didn't I?"

Elizabeth observed her daughter. She looked a mess. "You didn't."

"Oh…" Her brows furrowed, thinking back. "I could've sworn I did. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry. I know you have a lot on your mind."

"If I didn't tell you, how did you know?"

"Oh Emily, you have friends and sometimes I talk to those friends because you don't always talk to me."

"What you're saying is that you were checking up on me."

"I was," Elizabeth admitted. "And I'm glad I did." She leaned forward. "What's this I hear about you not getting your surgery tomorrow. You can't keep moving it."

"I'm just… I can't do it tomorrow."

"Why not?"

Emily's head whipped to meet Elizabeth's eyes. "Who called you? Hotch?"

"Hotch? No, though we did talk. He tells me you've taken on the role of mother-figure very well. I only wish I could see it more for myself."

"If it wasn't Hotch, who called?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I need to know who to yell at later."

Elizabeth laughed. "I don't think yelling is necessary. It seems to me that they're all worried about you. You have so many people on your side, but you refuse to let them help."

"I refuse to let them help?" she asked incredulously. "I'm living with one of them, allowing him to take care of me. How is that refusing help?"

"Don't take that tone. You know exactly what I'm saying." She shook her head. She knew her daughter could be as stubborn as they came. It was a family trait and, unfortunately, Emily got a double dose of it. "Emily, prolonging the surgery won't change what's happening around you. Things will likely be just as uncertain after tomorrow as they are right now. At this point, you don't know if they'll ever be stable. Putting off the surgery only puts you at risk. You have no stabilization in your knee. What happens if you fall?"

"Then I get back up."

"You always have, Emily, and I don't doubt you'd try. But I'm not speaking to an emotional fall," though now she was concerned about that too. "Physically, if you fall, you could be much worse off than you are now. You're jeopardizing your future on insecurities and fears."

"That's not –"

"Just let me talk, Emily," Elizabeth stopped her. "You're scared. I know you are, and I know you're trying to be strong, but you can't just think of others. You must think about yourself, too. James is going to need you, but he'll be in the hospital for a while. He's taken care of. And Nate, well, he has a whole group of adults itching to take care of him. He'll be scared for you, I'm sure, but he'll be ok as long as you take care of yourself."

"Mom…"

"You need this surgery. You need to be able to walk without pain and to not have to worry about your future so much. Do this. Do the physical therapy, and then worry about what comes next."

"That easy?" Emily asked.

"It could be."

"I'll think about it."

"You need to do more than think. If you keep putting this off and you hurt yourself further, you're going to regret this choice."

Her mother wasn't wrong. Emily knew that. But she had a war raging in her head and only she could make sense of it. She wanted the surgery. She wanted to fix her leg and get back to normal. Putting it off just made it a longer battle. At the best, she was in rehab for months, worst, more than a year and that was if she had the surgery. Without it, worst case was loss of function or more intensive surgery. If she stopped to think about herself and her needs for a moment, she would have realized that surgery now was the best option.

"Are you worried something will go wrong?"

"No," Emily responded honestly. "It's an outpatient procedure. I spend a few hours here and then I go home."

"Then what are you afraid of."

Emily looked at her mother like she was crazy. It wasn't often Emily willingly admitted to being afraid, but her mother still knew she was.

"Nothing."

"Emily. Tell me. It's ok."

"I'm afraid that I won't be able to help. If I have the surgery and I can't be there for James or Nate, then I've let them down."

"You won't be letting anyone down unless you neglect your own needs."

"My need is to help them."

"You do that by first taking care of yourself," Elizabeth reiterated.

"Yeah… Maybe."

Emily was done with that conversation for now. She had other more immediate things that required her attention.

"Why aren't you in with James? I'd love to see him."

"He's getting tests right now. To see the effects of his brain damage."

"Is it bad?"

"Can brain damage ever be good?"

Elizabeth, in a very un-Elizabeth way, shrugged. "What are they testing for? Has he displayed any outward signs?"

Emily told her about the aphasia and what that meant before explaining that they were testing other cognitive and motor functions now.

"Do you know what they're expecting to find?"

Emily mimicked her mother's earlier action and shrugged. "He took more than a few blows to the head. Most of the more prominent damage is in the frontal lobe. They don't think his memory has been affected and he seems to remember things from what we can tell, but they can't speculate the severity until all tests are done."

Some side effects, she learned, might not show up for a while and couldn't be solely predicted by tests. That part scared her too. All the unknown. There was too much of it and that was hard for a control freak like her to handle.

"Did they say how long the tests would take?"

"A few hours," Emily answered.

"Would you like to get some coffee then?"

"Sure. Lead the way."

Elizabeth and Emily enjoyed a cordial conversation over coffee while the team created a plan of attack. Hotch told them that Emily was going to cancel the surgery and they were quick to jump on his side to make sure she showed up at that appointment and went through with it.

Penelope had one idea. Sic her mother on her. Elizabeth, even though there was a somewhat dysfunctional relationship between the two, was still Emily's mother and would, hopefully, be able to get through to her. So, she called the ambassador and told her what Emily was up to, even surprising the older woman when she mentioned that James had come to. It seemed Emily was a little scatter brained and forgot to tell her.

On top of that, Pen made sure to put an alert on her computer to let her know if Emily called the doctor. Up to that point, it hadn't happened, but she wanted to put a stop to it and prevent it if it did. No way was Emily not going through with it, even if they had to straight jacket her into the operating room.

"So," Penelope told the team. "Elizabeth," she squirmed upon calling her something so informal, "Is going to head to the hospital and talk to Emily. We should all talk to her – Emily – at some point. You know, just let her know we're all here and want her to do this."

"I'm in," JJ said. "Actually, I was going to call her later. Maybe I'll stop by and see her instead."

Dave came up with an idea of his own, one that would help Emily see that she wouldn't be going through things on her own. "I have a better idea. Morgan, Reid, I'm going to need your help. Aaron, I'm going to need your keys."

"My keys?"

"To your apartment," he clarified.

"Dare I ask why?"

"Probably better to wait and see. Going to go to the hospital after work?"

"Emily is going to come back from the hospital to get the kids from the bus and then take Nate to see his father if James is up to it."

"Ok. Change of plans then. If you boys have plans for the evening, cancel them," he told Derek and Spencer.

"Oh, I want to help. Can I help?" Penelope asked.

"Sure. You can help. What about you JJ?"

"I think I'll stick to paying her a visit first. But keep me apprised of what you're up to," she said, winking at Hotch to let him know she would tell him if there was something to worry about.

The plan was in motion, but they were trying to keep themselves from constantly texting or calling Emily. They needed to give Elizabeth a chance to work before they stepped in.

At the hospital, it was nearing noon and James had yet to return to his room. Emily didn't know if she should have been worried that it was taking so long or happy that he was fit enough to do the prolonged testing. She assumed or leaned toward the former.

Elizabeth, who refused to leave, was made anxious by Emily's fidgeting.

"Could you please stop that, Dear?"

"No," Emily simply responded. "What's taking so long?"

"This is a hospital, Emily. A lot of patients need tests and sometimes there are lines."

Emily glared at her mother before returning to her version of pacing. Elizabeth, not wanting to make her daughter more irritable, turned to her phone to give Hotch an update.

He called Emily just as James was being returned to his room. She ignored his call, so he called Elizabeth who told him she was speaking to James' doctor.

"Are you with her?"

"No. The doctor asked to speak with her, and they walked off before I could offer support," she bitterly answered.

He told her he would call back soon.

"How's Emily?"

"Don't know," Hotch told JJ. "She's meeting with James' doctor to discuss test results."

"You want to go there? It's about a thirty-minute drive from here. We can take a very long lunch."

Hotch looked around and then to his watch. As much as he wanted to go, he knew he had paperwork he had to finish up by end of day and so did the rest of the team.

"No. I want to, but I know she has Elizabeth for now. I'm going to call again soon, but I'd rather get out of here early than just go for a few minutes now."

"Does that go for all of us?" Derek asked when he and the rest of the team came by.

"Yes. If all paperwork is done and no case comes up, we can go early."

"Great," Dave said. "Then we better get to work."

They all worked diligently, quickly, but not rushed. Emily didn't answer Hotch's next call and neither did Elizabeth, so he worried. If he wasn't nearly done with his paperwork about an hour later, he would have called the hospital to check in.

Instead, he told the team he was leaving, to finish up what they had and then go too. To JJ, he asked that she pick up the boys.

"I want to see what's going on. I haven't heard back from either of them, so I don't know if it's bad or she's just busy."

He said he would try to be back in time or maybe Emily would even make it there in time, but he wanted to cover his bases.

"Sure. I can pick them up from the bus stop. Will is getting Henry, so I can just take them home with me."

"Thank you."

"No problem. Let me know what's happening. And try to talk to her about the surgery more."

He nodded and took off.

When he arrived at the hospital, he went looking for Emily. Instead, he found Elizabeth half asleep in James' room.

"Elizabeth?" he asked, gently waking her. "Hi. Where are Emily and James?"

"They're in the therapy room. Working on his speech today. Trying to get him to communicate more clearly."

"Is it that bad?" It was a stupid question, he knew, but he needed answers too.

Elizabeth explained the aphasia and what she knew, which was bare minimum of detail, about the other issues.

"Dr. Wimble, the speech-language pathologist," she said, "wanted to hold off. James is pretty weak still and isn't completely… himself I suppose. Like he's in an aware, but not fully alert state. If that makes sense. I don't know. It's like first waking up in the morning. Some people just can't function well for a while. Dr. Wimble wanted to wait, but Emily was concerned about Nate and how he would react to seeing his father and not being able to understand him, so they're working on just getting him to the point where he can point or gesture to certain things to get his point across."

He sat next to her. That was just a small tidbit of information and he already felt sad and maybe bad for the man he never really met, a friend he considered family, and a young boy who had come into his life and captured his heart much like he had Emily's. He hurt for them and all that they were going through.

"Did she decide if she is going to cancel tomorrow or not?"

"I don't know. I've talked to her. I've made my thoughts clear, and I'd like to think I got through to her, but you never know with that girl. Thick skull."

She was stubborn. Hotch was inclined to agree. "She never called me back."

"Did you call?"

"Yes. I called both of you."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I dozed off earlier and had the phone on silent. I have yet to even look at it."

"It's ok," he assured her. "How is she doing?"

"She's… Emily."

Vague as it was, it said a lot. It wasn't often Emily wore her heart on her sleeve, but, just by the look on Elizabeth's face, he could tell that a little bit of her heart was bleeding through. He would see for himself, but if it true, that was concerning.

Emily, thankfully, returned not long after Hotch got there. She looked exhausted.

"Oh no," she said as soon as she saw him. "I forgot to call." She looked for the time. At least she didn't miss the kids' pickup. She still had time to get there. "I'm sorry. What are you doing here?"

"Got worried when you didn't call, so I let everyone out early and came to check on you."

"I have to go meet the boys."

"JJ is going to do that. She's taking them to her house for the afternoon. Don't worry. She'll make sure the homework gets done and that they're fed. I thought you might need the afternoon off."

Emily sighed in relief. If she could spend every minute with those boys, she would, but right then, all she needed was an adult moment so that she could figure out how to prepare Nate for his father's… situation.

Elizabeth, hoping that Emily would open up to Hotch more than she did with her, excused herself, telling Emily that she would see her in the morning to take her for her surgery.

Emily just rolled her eyes at that before hugging her mother and thanking her for coming.

Alone, Hotch asked, "How's James?"

"Not great," she told. "What did my mom tell you?"

"Not much."

"Well, his muscles have begun to atrophy, so he's weak now. Even though they did the passive range of motion exercises, there was still atrophy. He can, but only with a lot of work, sit up on his own. And even then, he gets so exhausted afterward. They tried a few exercises with him, and he couldn't really do any of them."

"He'll need physical therapy," Hotch surmised.

"Yeah…"

"What's that face mean?"

"The doctor said the rule of thumb is a month of physical therapy for each day in a coma. That's about three years, Hotch. Three years that will be dedicated to him getting his life back." What about Nate? What happened to him in that time?

"Hey. It'll be ok. He'll put in the work. It could take a lot less time or even more time, but it will be okay."

Emily wanted to believe him, but it didn't feel that way. She thought that her friend waking up would make things easier, but it was only complicating things and she knew it was only going to get worse. Nate would soon realize that his dad wasn't the same, that things were completely different, and he would react to that. Emily wasn't ready for that… for any of this.

"He was tested for nerve damage. It doesn't look like there is any, which is good, but… It just… It's still a lot," she said. "So far it doesn't look like he has neurological deficits either, but we won't know for sure until he's all here. You know, like out of the post coma fog. I'm just… worried."

"You care about him and it's ok to worry, but you can't control what happens. Remember that. Be there for him, help him, but don't think that anything that happens or doesn't happen is your fault."

It was a nice thought, but Emily wasn't feeling it.

She continued talking with him, telling him everything the doctors told her. He could see and feel how frazzled she was. But he just let her get it all out. She wasn't really venting, but it was like she just needed to get the entire diagnosis out there.

"I don't know if I should bring Nate here today. James still isn't himself. I think I need to talk with Nate more before I bring him."

"I think you're right. Let him decide what he wants once he has all the information. Talk with him. If he wants to see him, I can take him to see James tomorrow."

"He has school and you have work."

"We can both play hooky. I took the day off to be with you for your surgery."

"I didn't ask you to do that."

"No, you didn't. But the entire team fought about who got to be there. Since you live with me, it made the most sense that I go. Don't be surprised if they all show up a lot over the next few days while you recover."

"I never said I agreed to do it."

_You will,_ he thought. "Guess you didn't. We'll see what happens."

"I don't want to be here anymore," she painfully admitted. "Once James gets back, he'll be tired. I want to say goodbye and then go see Nate."

"Not a problem."

That was exactly what they did. Hotch witnessed first-hand some of James' difficulties. Emily was able to understand more of what he said because she knew James, but Hotch was having trouble with most of it. If it was hard for Emily and himself, who had no connection to James, how would a child deal with it?

They would see, he figured. For now, he just wanted to get Emily home. JJ was meeting them at the apartment. The whole team was there. They entered to find all of them in the living room having a conversation.

"What is this? An intervention?"

"No," Derek answered. "Can't we all just visit a friend having a hard time?"

"So this is… an informal gathering?"

"Yeah, let's call it that," Dave said.

"Is this about the surgery?"

"What surgery?" Penelope played coy.

"Come on."

"Honestly, we're here because we're friends and we wanted to see you," JJ said.

Spencer then asked, "How's James?"

"Yeah. Nate was asking about him," JJ told her.

Emily looked around. Hotch had disappeared to check on the boys, so she sat down and gave them an abridged version of things. Spencer gave her some scientific facts about coma and recovery, tailored specifically to her worries. He read up on a lot of it. It was helpful, though not exactly comforting. She thanked him anyway.

Slowly, their real purpose for being there was clear. It was about the surgery, of course.

The guys managed to slip into normal conversation that they made enough meals to cover dinner for a while. All of it was sitting in the freezer. And each of them offered to do something for her and the makeshift family that was living in the Hotchner house.

"I set up a few pieces of light exercise equipment in your room," Derek told her. "For PT. And when you're up for it, I can help you out. Train with you like old times. It will be good for both of us."

"Maybe," was all Emily could say.

Spencer even offered to help her optimize her training by reading up on the most effective ways to heal and coming up with a plan. JJ and Pen claimed babysitting duties, saying they would take both Nate and Jack whenever for however long as well as be there for her to just talk or vent. Whatever she needed. She wasn't sure what that was though.

"And if you need someone to be with James when you can't, I'm willing to do that," Dave and Hotch both said.

She didn't know whether that was a good idea, but she liked that they were willing to do it. Emily was appreciative and so damn happy to have these people in her life, but it wasn't enough to convince her. She knew they would be there for her. That was never in question. None of her choices were ever made thinking they wouldn't support her.

What was in question was what happened to Nate if she couldn't take care of him and then, also, what happened with James. She knew they would pitch in to take care of Nate, but she didn't want that. She wanted to do it herself.

She just worried… Maybe too much and too often these days.

However, the many not-so-subtle attempts made by the team and her mother to convince Emily to get her knee repaired worked. She didn't cancel the surgery, though, she very nearly did. It was Nate, however, that simultaneously made her want to never do it and do it right away.

After everyone said their peace and left, Emily finally grew the courage to really talk to Nate about his father. He had been asking questions since she got home, but her answers were just enough to hold him off. Now came the hard part.

It was late evening, he was getting ready for bed, and Emily knocked on the door.

"Come in," Jack said as he was heading out of the room.

"Nate, almost ready for bed?"

"Yup. Brushed my teeth and everything."

"Good job," Emily said and took a seat on the bed. "So, think we can talk?"

"Is it something bad?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"You haven't been answering my questions all day. Is it my dad? Is he ok?"

"He's… Well, there's something going on that you may not understand right now, but that I need to tell you. It might sound scary, and it's ok if you feel that way. It's scary to me too."

Emily told him about his father, about how the coma and the brain injury messed with how his brain worked. She explained the aphasia and how that would make talking with his father hard.

"I can't talk to him?"

"You can," she said, "But sometimes what he says back won't make any sense. Have you ever been around babies?"

He shook his head no.

_Of course not_, Emily thought. He had been so sheltered that it made sense he hadn't.

"Well, when babies learn to talk, sometimes they say the wrong word or just make sounds. That's what it's like with your dad."

Nate looked crushed. She still had to tell him that, now and probably for a while, he couldn't walk either.

"But he only hurt his head," Nate desperately tried to find a reason why Emily was wrong.

"He hurt all over, but you're right. His injuries were mostly in his head. He was asleep for so long, that his muscles didn't get any work and became weak."

The more she talked the more heartbroken he became. He didn't cry, but he wanted to. Nate was trying to be strong, but he was afraid. Emily was scaring him, and it hurt them both. By the time she was done explaining things, Nate was at a loss for words. She just held his hand and gave him a moment.

"Is he ever going to be the same?" Nate asked, quietly, almost shyly.

"I wish I could say yes, Nate, but the truth is that I don't know. He has a very long recovery ahead of him, but I'm going to help him and so are the doctors."

"Me too," Nate agreed, not yet looking at her.

"Emily… If he's… If he dies or never gets better, what happens to me? You'll take care of me, right?"

Her eyes watered. Her heart broke once more. That he even had to question that… That he had to think in what ifs… It killed her.

"Always Nate. Even if he's perfectly fine, I'm here."

"Even if your leg never gets better?"

"It will."

"Nothing's going to happen when you have surgery, right?"

That was the moment Emily knew that she was going to go through with it. He was afraid for her, but she had to prove that he had nothing to be afraid of and that she would be there for him. She would do things that a parent should do with their kid.

"No. I'll go in tomorrow morning and be here when you get back from school."

"Do you promise? Promise you'll be here, and you'll never leave?"

She put her hands on his face and looked him in the eyes. "I promise, Nate. I will be here forever if you'll let me. I love you, kid."

"I love you too," he responded, throwing his arms around her.

His reaction made her want to be in perfect health. It made her afraid of the surgery because it would make her temporarily less able to care for him, but very determined to get it done and go through PT with flying colors. For him…

He needed her more than ever because James, even awake, couldn't be much of a presence in his life. Emily wanted to be able to give him normalcy. That was something she had said from the beginning. A normal life, for Emily, meant being able to take him places or drive without a car service, or do all the menial things parents did. The only way for her to make that happen was to go under the knife.

So, the next morning, she didn't call to cancel and, instead, got up early, made sure everything was ready for the boys, and saw them off to school. Hotch offered to take Nate to see his father, but Emily and Nate decided that he would wait to see James until the weekend. It gave him time to process. He wasn't ready.

Hotch and Elizabeth escorted Emily to the hospital. It was an outpatient procedure, so she'd only be there for a few hours. Along the way, Emily received a lot of good luck texts and calls from her friends. Before being prepped, Emily asked Elizabeth to go see James.

"Sit with him. Let him know what's going on if he's awake."

"Of course," Elizabeth promised. "I love you, Emily." Elizabeth kissed her daughter's cheek.

When she left, Hotch approached Emily in the bed. "I think that's my cue to leave too. They want to take you soon."

"Thanks for being here… And for putting up with my craziness."

"We all have our moments."

"That's true," Emily agreed.

"Good luck in there. See you on the other side."

"See you soon," Emily said, grabbing his hand and giving it a quick squeeze.

After that, the nurses came in to prep her, Hotch went to relax in the waiting area, and Elizabeth sat with James. The surgery would go smoothly, but it was still just the beginning of a long road for her and everyone around her.


	29. A House of Unhappiness

**Chapter 29: A House of Unhappiness**

The surgery finished without a hitch. Once she was able to eat and walk a bit on crutches, she was free to go. As promised, Emily was back at the apartment by the time school let out. Elizabeth and Hotch were there to take care of her, even upon her insistence that they didn't.

She was given medication to take and strict instructions to take it easy. She was to use the crutches all the time and wasn't even allowed to shower for at least 48 hours. Still, it felt like there was so much she needed to do and being laid up wouldn't help.

"Stop," Hotch hissed after the third time Emily tried to get up off the couch where she said she wanted to be. He set it up so she could put her feet up on a pillow atop the coffee table and be comfortable, and still she kept trying to go somewhere. "You really don't know how to relax, do you?"

"Have you looked at your life, Hotch? Mr. Business all the time. I don't think relax is in your vocabulary."

"I've adjusted." He patted her good leg. "You need to, too. If you need something, let me know. You're supposed to take it easy for today."

"Fine. At least send my mother home."

"Yeah. I'm not doing that," he told her. "You're going to need to send her packing if you want her gone."

"Thanks a lot," she quipped, throwing her body back into the cushions. "I have things to do and your hovering isn't helping."

"Emily, it's one afternoon. You can stay here for one afternoon without a laundry list of things to do. What's so important?"

"I want to check in with the hospital about James."

"Your mother was with him for a few hours. He's fine. No change, but they're getting him on a regular therapy schedule. Elizabeth told him about your surgery and that you wouldn't be there to see him today. I called Dave when we left. He's going to spend some time getting to know James as soon as he's done at the office. You don't need to worry about him for now."

Groaning, she said, "Fine. I'll stay here like a good little girl."

"Narcotics make you irritable. Good to know," Hotch said. "Tell me what you want to do, and I'll bring it to you."

"My computer. I need my computer."

"Alright. I'll get that for you before I leave to get the boys. Your mother is in your room."

"Doing what?"

"Don't ask me," he said holding his hands up.

"Well go find out." He looked reluctant. "Come on. You won't let me do it, so you have to."

"No, I think I'll hold off on that. Stay here," he teased as he walked away.

Truthfully, Elizabeth was making sure Emily's room didn't have anything on the ground she could easily trip over, something he already assured her was taken care of, and getting out some more comfortable clothes for her daughter. It was nothing to worry about, but it was fun to tease Emily. Maybe a little mean.

Hotch got Emily her computer and a book she kept on her bedside table.

"I'm going to the bus stop to meet the boys. Be nice to your mother."

"Yes, please be nice to your mother," Elizabeth added, coming back into the room. "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on her, and then I'll be out of your hair."

"Mom… I…"

Hotch slipped out as they talked.

"It's ok, Emily. I understand. Even as a child I was never who you went to for comfort."

"I don't really need comfort, Mom. I'm just… I really am thankful you're here and for all your help with everything."

Elizabeth smiled almost longingly, like she was looking at Emily as her small child rather than the adult she was.

"I'm just glad you allowed me to be there this time."

"Can you do one more thing for me?"

"What?"

"Can you check in on James sometimes, during the week when I can't get there?"

"Of course."

"And then, when Hotch gets back, go home. I'm fine and I'm just going to rest like doctors ordered."

"Emily –"

"Really. I'll be fine here with Hotch and the boys. I have a feeling Nate is going to be a little overprotective anyway."

"I can help out."

"I know, Mom, and I promise to call if I need anything, but I really am just going to have a quiet evening with Nate. I don't plan to do anything."

"If you're sure," Elizabeth said.

Emily was. Having her mother around and getting along was great, but that didn't mean she wanted her around all the time either. What kid did?

When Hotch returned with the boys, Nate ran to greet Emily. He had been anxious all day and needed visual reassurance that she was ok. He asked her about the surgery, Jack at his side looking for the same answers.

"Everything is fine. I'm doing good. I'm just going to rest a little until I can start physical therapy. I'll be good as new in no time."

"Until then, though," Hotch told them, "You two need to help her with things around the house when I'm not around to do it."

"Ok, Dad," Jack agreed.

"I always help. I like to help," Nate said.

"You are both great helpers."

"I'm going to start dinner," Hotch said. "Be careful with Emily's leg."

Hotch began dinner, Jack following shortly after to help and giving Emily, Nate, and Elizabeth a moment. Elizabeth just wanted to see Nate before taking off. She thought, after hearing how he reacted to news of his father's condition, a little update would be nice. It didn't really do much, but it didn't hurt either.

"Call me, Dear. Anytime. Ok?"

"Ok, Mom. Thank you. Drive safely."

Elizabeth waved goodbye to Hotch and Jack on the way out.

Just the two of them, Nate asked, "Are you going to be ok now?"

"What, my leg? Yes. Definitely. The surgery went well. Now I just have to wait for the procedure site to heal and then start on making it like normal again."

"No more surgeries?"

"Not if I can help it," she assured.

"I'm really happy you're here with me."

"I'm happy to be here with you, Nate."

"Dinner," Hotch called from the other room.

"Help me up?" Emily asked. Nate was happy to oblige. He offered her his hands and she hoisted herself up, grabbing the crutches.

They had a nice dinner and the guys were extremely helpful with everything. Not just the ones she was staying with, but everyone in her life.

The first few days of Emily's recovery were the calm before the storm. Emily took it easy. The only walking she could do was with crutches and the only exercises she could perform were toe touches to stretch out. Everyone waited on her like she was a fragile doll. They wanted to take care of her, and she tried to let them. Nate and the Hotchner boys were very attentive. They made life easier, as did her friends who seemed to be over every day. She didn't know if they were there to babysit or just be with her. Either way, she imagined Garcia set up one of her visit charts assigning people days.

But as her rehab program progressed and James' started really going into effect, things got harder.

The surgery was over a month ago now, and life had changed for Emily and Nate in that time. She spent those four weeks running herself ragged doing everything for everyone, trying and failing not to neglect her own needs. She was intently focused on being everything everyone needed while working her own recovery and rehab plan.

Her daily routine generally consisted of a 6 am wake up call, lunch making, breakfast for everyone, and taking the boys to the bus before seeing Hotch off. It was all very domestic. It was only missing a peck on the cheek and a, "Goodbye, Honey. Have a great day at work." She didn't mind the mundane of it all.

Having the place to herself, she would start her home exercises, keeping up with her regime. When that was done, it was shower and off to the hospital where she would go with James to his multiple therapy sessions. Speech and occupational therapy followed by light strength and mobility exercises which Emily usually did with him to both help support him and work on herself. Once afternoon hit, she was back at the apartment to be there when the boys got home, make dinner, and just try to keep up with everyone. Then soccer practices, games, and school events started creeping in.

Between all of that, there was dealing with her life back in London, her job, apartment, and expenses, as well as meetings with James' doctors and follow ups with her own doctors. Her recovery was going well. James' could have been going better. With him, it just depended on the day. His moods fluctuated and so did his enthusiasm for getting better. When his mood was good, he fought hard, when it wasn't, he barely did much at all.

Emily was just trying her best. They all were. But things weren't easy. Nate was having a rough go of it. It started after the first time he really spent time with James.

_The Sunday after her surgery, Emily approached Nate about visiting his dad. Nate seemed hesitant to go, even when she asked if he wanted to go with her the day before. So, she talked with him. She told Nate that, whatever was happening with James, he was still his father. If he was nervous or even afraid, that was ok, but they couldn't avoid him forever._

"_Ok… We can go see him. I don't want him to be sad because he misses me," he replied. _

"_Good." _

_Emily had Nate get ready to go and told Hotch about her plans. _

"_Is this a good idea?" he asked. _

"_I have no idea, but I have a man who wants to see his son and needs something to fight for and a boy who is afraid, but still needs his father."_

"_He knows about Vince, right? James, I mean?"_

"_Yes."_

"_How did he take it?"_

"_I think he knew all along, just didn't want to face it. I brought it up with him and… It wasn't good. He was emotional, which was expected, but then nothing. I don't know. It was weird. Different. I think seeing Nate will help him, but I don't know whether seeing James is the right thing for Nate." _

_Though she knew he couldn't avoid his father, Emily also worried about his reaction. _

"_Everything will be fine," he told her. "I can come with you if you'd like."_

"_No… Absolutely not. You've done a lot for me, but now you and Jack need a day free of us. Do your father-son thing. Go out and have some fun before the next case comes or life gets too busy. I have this covered."_

"_I think I'll do that. Call if you need anything."_

_They all left at the same time, Jack and Hotch going to a nearby bowling alley, something he hadn't done in ages, while Emily and Nate went to the hospital. _

_Nate was antsy. He knew what Emily told him and tried to tell himself that it was still his father underneath the gruffness. That didn't stop him from being scared. When they went into the room, his father still looked the same, just like he had from the first time he saw him in the hospital. In other ways, he wasn't the same at all. _

_James was resting when they came in. He just finished with some of his therapies before they arrived. Nate was being shy, which was not at all usual, not with James. _

_Emily quietly told him, "It's ok. Say hi. You can talk to him. Remember what I told you. He can still understand you. It just might be hard for him to respond."_

"_I know," Nate answered, but he seemed uncertain. _

_Nate approached his father as Emily stayed back to observe. She silently prayed it went well, but she had a sinking feeling growing in her gut. When he went to James' left side, she was relieved. The damage that caused the aphasia also left him with extreme weakness in his right arm and leg. The doctors said the two things were commonly found together. James was weak all over from the coma, but that side was much worse. Thankfully, he was a lefty. _

"_Hi Dad," Nate started. _

_James used his hand to give a soft wave. _

"_Emily says you're going to be in the hospital longer trying to get better. You don't have to worry about me. Emily and I are living with our friends. Hotch and Jack."_

_Emily watched James' face contort in confusion and something she couldn't quite identify at first. _

"_Jack is my best friend. I've never had a real best friend. We even share a room. He took the top bunk because I had a broken arm and couldn't climb up."_

_James looked at Emily. She didn't tell him about the arm, and he didn't wake up until the cast was off. _

_Things seemed to snowball from there. _

_Nate, oblivious to the growing tension between the adults, kept talking and James became angrier. It didn't help that every time he tried to talk, the wrong thing came out. It was worse when he was stressed, and he was stressed then._

_He tried to yell at Emily, causing Nate to jump. _

"_What's wrong?" he asked with big, wide, scared eyes. "Are you ok, Dad?"_

_A sting of random words came flying out of his mouth, louder and louder. _

_It was a flurry of emotion directed at both Nate and Emily. He was upset at Emily for keeping things about Nate from him and upset at Nate for just… He wasn't sure. For being happy, maybe. Happy in his life without him or Vince. Happy with Emily and his new network of people. He felt like he was being replaced and that feeling wasn't going away. _

_Nate talked with him, trying to understand and reason with his father, but that fueled the anger and Nate became more afraid. _

_That man who was yelling at him and Emily, that wasn't his father. _

_James, though weak, had a grip on Nate's arm. The boy pulled away and ran out of the room before Emily could even react to his movement. _

"_Nice job," Emily hissed at James, scowling and rushing after Nate. _

_He was still yelling as she left, scuttling after Nate and finding him huddling in a corner, practically shaking. _

"_Nate, it's ok. I'm sorry that happened. You're ok now."_

_Sniffling, he shook his head and looked at her in a way he never had. "I don't want to go back. I don't ever want to come back," Nate cried. Tears were pouring out of his eyes. _

They didn't go back after that. Nate hadn't, not until the aphasia lessened. That was also when James was more determined than ever to get better, especially after Emily paid him a solo visit.

_Emily took a few days before returning to see James again. In the interim, she asked her mother to visit with him so that he wouldn't feel alone. She just needed a little time. When she went home with Nate, the boy was distraught and sullen. That hadn't exactly gotten much better. _

_Still upset, she met him at one of his therapy sessions, getting there before it began. _

"_James," Emily tried to get his attention. "Hi."_

_He waved. At least he had the wherewithal to look ashamed. He pointed to his communications card at the phrase, "How are you?"_

"_I've been better," she said, honestly. "And we need to talk. By we, I mean that I need to say something, and you need to listen."_

_He nodded._

"_What happened the other day can't happen again. Nate is terrified. All he wanted while you were in a coma was to have you back. He finally does and that's how you act?"_

_She was aware that it was possible he had a personality change. Things like that happened with comas and brain damage, but, whether he was now just a moodier person, that behavior was unacceptable._

"_I had to comfort a crying little boy who just wanted to see his dad. He is your son, James. __**Our**__son. I know you don't like that fact right now because I'm the one taking care of him day in and day out while you can't. But you chose me for a reason. In your will, you stipulated that he go to me if you and Vince couldn't take care of him. Well, guess what. Neither of you could! Vince is dead. He's not coming back. Nate had to deal with that without you. Now, you treat him like that. And why? Because you are upset about his living situation? This is life. My life."_

_She sighed. Now she was just venting, but she needed to get it out._

"_I gave up everything to help you and take care of Nate. And I don't regret it, but you can't be upset because Nate is happy with me."_

_He tried to say something, but Emily stopped him. _

"_No. Let me finish. Nate is happy and healthy, and he has been through a lot. Now, I have him settled. He has friends and goes to school. He's playing soccer. He's an amazing, normal kid. And now he needs his dad back. He needs you to stop pitying yourself and start focusing on your recovery. What happened sucks, but you can't lash out at him."_

_He pointed to the card that said, "I'm sorry."_

"_I know you are. I forgive you. This time. It's going to take time with Nate, though. He doesn't want to come back." _

_She could see tears start to form in James' eyes. _

"_But he will eventually, and when he does, you better show him that you're trying. I need you to try to get better. Do your rehab. Follow doctor's orders, and, hopefully, when Nate is ready to see you, you'll be ready to see him too."_

_He looked at her with sad eyes full of determination, and when the therapist came in asking if he was ready to get started, he nodded and answered, "Red… Red." They both knew he meant ready. He wanted to get better. He didn't want to be frustrated all the time._

After that, James made good progress in his speech as time went by, something the doctors said was promising. If he hadn't shown significant change within the first three months, it was unlikely he would ever recover from the aphasia. It was good, but it still wasn't enough to make Nate return, no matter how much Emily tried to convince him, until it was clear he was going to be discharged from the hospital soon.

_Emily didn't know what to do. It had been two weeks since Nate even asked about his father. She could see he was acting like he wasn't even around. Maybe it was a coping mechanism, but it wasn't healthy. He wanted his father. She knew he did, but he didn't even want to talk about him. _

_Hotch told her she needed to just let him go through what he was going through. She couldn't force it. Sitting around with JJ, catching up as the boys played, she told her the same thing._

"_I have to do something, don't I? That's his father. A week ago, he wanted nothing more than to have James back. Now, he's clingier than ever and doesn't even like when I bring up James."_

"_He's scared."_

"_Obviously," Emily hissed. She was frustrated. She could deal with anything, but a sad child, a sad child that was hers, was new terrain._

"_You just have to let him be. He'll come to you when he's ready. Right now, he's not ready to deal with it."_

"_But he's so… He's all over me. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but he's usually so independent."_

"_He's still a kid. Independent or not. And kids like to have a constant. You're his."_

_That made sense to her. Nate needed her to stick around, and she planned to, but she wanted him to have no regrets later in life where his father was concerned. _

"_I shouldn't do anything?"_

"_No. Let it play out. If there comes a time when something changes, then you bring it up."_

_Emily was thankful for the motherly advice. Parenting was hard… _

She followed their advice and let Nate come to terms on his own. Eventually, after a few weeks of pretending his father didn't exist, but going on as normal, he asked about his dad. When Emily told him he made progress, he was willing to at least talk. But then things accelerated much more quickly.

Now here she was, staying in the Hadley house with James and Nate, no Hotch or Jack around and a whole mess of responsibility sitting on her shoulders. Emily had no idea how she ended up there. Yes, she did. James asked her.

Just a few weeks ago, the hospital said he was just about ready for discharge once the next phase of his care was set up. The doctor approached her about continuing his care in a way they couldn't support for him there. They recommended a care facility that specialized in brain injuries and rehabilitation. Emily, though she didn't want to send her friend away, thought it was a great idea. It was just what James needed, specialized around the clock care that gave him the best shot at recovery.

He made it clear it wasn't what he wanted. James, who had been able to communicate almost completely normally with writing and who was starting to speak in a way that made much more sense, was not happy about the potential situation.

He begged and pleaded with her to help him, to not send him away.

_I need to be around for Nate. I need to get better and I can't that far away,_ he wrote. _I already missed so much. _That was what she wanted to hear from him, that he wanted to get better and be around for his son. He was playing on her emotions and guilt.

And it seemed he had an answer for everything. When she asked how that was possible when she didn't have their own place to stay, he offered his house. He owned it. They could stay there.

Exasperated, tired, and just worn down, Emily said yes. She should have thought on it. She should have said no, but she didn't. She couldn't. What happened wasn't her fault, but there would always be a part of her that wondered whether she could have done something to help them.

The three of them had been working so hard to make things better. Nate helped Emily with her rehab and Emily helped James with his. Nate finally started speaking with his father… Sending him away and separating them again didn't seem fair. It wouldn't feel right, but this didn't feel right either. Her friends seemed to be on that page too.

_Emily went straight home after James convinced her to move into his house with Nate and help him out._

_Hotch was there, having just returned from a case that morning. She entered the apartment in a fog, and he noticed as soon as she was in sight. _

"_What happened? Are you ok?"_

"_What?" Emily looked to him on the couch with his coffee and papers. "Yeah. I'm fine. Is there anymore coffee?"_

"_In the pot," he replied and when she walked to the kitchen, he followed. "What's going on?"_

_She stayed quiet as she poured herself some coffee. _

"_James is doing really well."_

"_That's great, Emily, but your face is telling me that there's something else."_

"_He's getting out of the hospital soon."_

"_Wow," he said, shocked. "He's ready for that?"_

"_Well, he has regained some strength, though he can't walk on his own yet. His speech is much better. It's not perfect, but he gets more words right and is able to write more so we can have conversations. Slower and simplified, but still a major improvement."_

"_Sounds like it." _

_He was waiting for whatever had her looking so frazzled. He kindly took her cup and put it on the table for her so that they could sit. She was off crutches, but still needed the brace for a few more weeks._

"_He needs to continue his rehab, but the hospital can't keep him there. He's at the point where he can sustain himself out of the hospital and meets their criteria for discharge. He still needs care."_

"_A rehab center?"_

"_They recommended a great one in Baltimore."_

"_So he's going to go there? I can help with the transfer or anything else you might need."_

"_No…"_

"_You don't need help?"_

"_No… He's not going."_

"_What? Why not?"_

_Emily told him everything that happened and what James had said. What they agreed to… _

"_Emily… That's a big decision. You have your own recovery to think about."_

"_I know…"_

"_I don't want you jumping into this."_

_Feeling like she was being chided for her choice and treated like a child, Emily said, "With all due respect, Hotch, it's not really your decision."_

"_No, maybe not," he calmly said, "But I care enough about you and Nate to say what I think and know you can take it. This is… It's a mistake."_

"_Why?"_

"_I will support you if this is really what you think is best, but I also don't think you thought this through. That house is not handicap friendly and James can't walk. He'll need to be driven to the hospital for his therapies for hours each day and he needs constant help. How are you going to do that while caring for yourself and Nate?"_

"_I don't know, Hotch. But I'll figure it out, and I hope you'll support me like you say."_

JJ, Penelope, her mother, hell, even Clyde tried to talk her out of it over the next week, but they all said the same thing as Hotch. They would support her, but she had to keep taking care of herself. Derek was the most helpful even if he was reluctant.

"_Em… are you sure about this?"_

"_Will you do it or not, Derek?"_

"_I'll do it, but are you sure?"_

"_I'm… Yes. This is what I need to do. I need to help him, and Nate needs this. He needs to be around his dad, especially now that they're on good terms again."_

"_Then tell me what you need."_

"_I need the house to be handicap friendly. Neither of us can do stairs, so James and I will need to be downstairs."_

_She asked Derek to help do whatever he could over the next week to make the house James and Emily proof. The small room on the bottom floor would be hers, and a bed would be put in the living room for James. That would give him easy access to everything. _

"_I can ask Hotch to help, maybe Reid, and get some of my guys that help with my properties to work on this. I'll set up a ramp for the wheelchair and everything."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You're really sure about this?"_

_I have to be, she thought. "Yes." No…_

Despite all their logic, which she shared, Emily's emotions won out. Maybe it was a crazy notion that Nate needed both her and James in the same house, getting better together and growing as a family. Like she was giving him the best shot at the American dream, however misguided that was. Or maybe it was the guilt she felt for Vince's death, for James' situation, and for not being a part of Nate's life all along… Whatever it was, she agreed.

It was disastrous.

Nate agreed to it, which was a stipulation that she made clear to James. If he wasn't ok with it, it was a no-go. But he was. Of course, he was. He saw that his dad was more the man he once knew. He wasn't scary when Nate saw him, and he was working hard. So, once he asked Emily if he could still go to his school and see his friends, and she promised he could, then Nate was on board. It was still hard. Keeping her promise put an extra thirty-minute commute on her schedule twice a day using the driver to bring him to and pick him up from school.

That was the least of her worries, though. For Nate, she would travel an extra hour each day, no problem, but things at the house were tense between her and James.

Within the first few days, it was clear that James had a personality shift. It wasn't completely unexpected, but his moods were sometimes unbearable and so unpredictable. When he got frustrated, everyone had to suffer with him. A little over a week with him, and it was like they experienced the full spectrum.

It took some getting used to, and, while James seemed to be content with his new living arrangements, Emily and Nate were less so. While James could sleep through anything, Emily woke up with every sound. She and Nate had to wake up about an hour earlier than they were used to just to get him to school on time. It took some adjusting. For the most part, Nate didn't mind any of the changes. Not at first… He was happy to have both Emily and his dad around, especially when things were calm. Emily tried to keep them calm around Nate all the time, but he caught on with time.

At night, a nurse came. He stayed overnight and helped James if he had to get up and go to the bathroom and looked for any signs that something was wrong. During the day, after two nurses quit on them, everything was on Emily. Not only was it a lot of responsibility, but it was a lot of work, especially for someone who didn't have her normal strength, or the ability to bear the extra weight without aid. Her mother offered to hire a day nurse again, and Emily was tempted, but it was hard to accept that they needed more help and allow more people into their dysfunction. There were enough changes as it was.

One thing was for sure, though. If they hadn't had a driver, Emily would have been dead in the water. In only a little more than a week, her life had become nothing but chores and doctor appointments. She stopped going to her own PT appointments, opting instead to just do it when she could at the house. The therapist was as ok with that as possible if it actually got done.

There was just so much to do and so little time to do it all. Emily's life was a balancing act. She and Nate missed living with Hotch and Jack. She missed having Hotch to talk to, to share thoughts with and be comforted by. Nate missed his best friend. She missed the long talks she had with her friends, even on the phone. Now, she didn't answer calls because she usually had her hands full and was down to just randomly replying to messages when the chance arose.

It was like everyday a different person would leave a message.

"_Hi Em, it's JJ. Call me. Henry wants to see Nate and we can have a girl's day. I know you're busy, but you need a break too. Anyway, I want to see how you're doing. How's the knee? Talk soon. Bye."_

Hotch and her mother stopped by a time or two, but the team got called away on a case. Still, the messages came. First from Derek, then Dave, Penelope just tried every day, and Spencer too. She didn't mean to ignore them, but something always came up when they called or when she was about to call them.

It frustrated her to hear from her friends and know she was neglecting them. It made her question what she was doing and feel bad. She was just sucked into a bubble that consumed all of her. She was teetering between being a good parent for Nate, helping James so he could get back to himself, and work on her knee. She barely had time to shower and sleep. She didn't have time to think about the developing Bardolino case. She didn't have time for anything.

Honestly, she didn't know how she would keep up the momentum if she already felt like she was falling apart. All she wanted was for Nate to be happy, and, though it was difficult, he seemed happy to have his father around. She thought knowing that would make it easier, but all it did was put pressure on her. It wasn't going well. She wasn't doing a good job, and, often, she just wanted to curl up in a ball and quit. She wanted to quit, but she pushed through.

She was doing her best. Right now, that was all she could offer. Thankfully, it was Friday, approaching the second week James had been home. She was going to get out of the house for a little while, just her and Nate. There was a Parent-Teacher conference now that the kids had been in school long enough to get into the swing of the school year, even approaching the midway point of the first marking period. Nate was looking forward to it. He loved his teachers. He loved learning, and he loved that he made a group of friends.

Emily was excited to meet with everyone and really, just happy to be out of the house for a few hours.

_Freedom to breathe,_ she thought.

They had just finished dinner. Nate was upstairs finishing up his weekend homework and getting ready while Emily was talking to James about the night.

It had been a rough day for them. James had a bad PT session and the occupational therapist said they had reached a plateau. They had to work harder and try something new.

Emily mentioned at dinner that it was Parent-Teacher night and that she was going. James immediately became agitated. When she noticed, Emily cut dinner a little short and told Nate to go get upstairs to do homework before they left, promising ice cream on the way back from school. That left Emily and James there to talk. She sensed the anger coming.

"You want to talk about it?"

James glowered at her. Yes, he did want to talk about it.

"Tonight is just a conference so parents can meet the teachers and see how the kids are doing. It's not a big deal," she explained.

It was to him, though. He thought he should be the one there and, her fault or not, he was upset that she was the one going.

"My son," he said.

"Yes he is. Nate is your son. You are his father. And I'm the one taking care of him. Don't make this a big deal."

But he was, and he did. There was an exchange between them that quickly became heated. Emily tried to keep her voice down, but James didn't have the same curtesy. To distract herself as they argued, Emily began limping around clearing the table as he yelled, sometimes random things, at her.

When she went over to his side of the table reaching to pick up a plate when his left hand grabbed her wrist with a surprisingly strong grip.

"My son," James repeated.

She felt for him. She really did. All he wanted was for things to be the way they were before. Back when he was happily with Vince and they were raising Nate together, no Emily around at all. On some level, Emily wanted that too. She wanted that for him, but she wouldn't trade her time with Nate.

"He is your son, but he's mine too. You may have spent years denying that, but you left him to me. I take care of him, I love him, and, legally, I am his guardian. So, you need to accept that right now you're not capable of taking care of him and let go of my hand."

He squeezed her tighter before releasing her with a nudge, one that sent her off balance and caused her to tumble into the wall, landing on her leg a little funny.

Emily was stunned as she tried to pull herself up. The next thing she knew, James was making a grunting noise and tossing a glass against the wall on the other side of the room. A quiet settled as the glass shattered. Emily halted her movements, leaning against the wall and staring at the shards of glass on the ground. She took a deep breath and stood.

"I guess you really are working on getting your strength back. Looks like you have some dexterity there. Maybe you can do it in a more constructive way, but hey, at least now we know you can," Emily said in an eerie calm. "Nate, get to the car," she yelled, storming out of the house the best she could.

The nurse would be there any minute and Emily just couldn't be there a minute longer.


	30. The Decline

You're getting this one early because, honestly, these next few chapters are some of my favorite. They're emotional, but that's what I like. Hope you enjoy them too.

**Chapter 30: The Decline **

Emily's thoughts were chaotic. James _grabbed _her, aggressively. She could feel the dull ache in her wrist. And she… fell. That was what she was calling it, but he kind of pushed her. Right? No… Maybe…

_How could he do that? _

His arm strength was well on the way to being back and better than ever. Walking was still hard, and his limbs sometimes flailed, but he was still strong. He could have done real damage. She knew he didn't mean to do it, but his temper flared and got the best of him.

_It's not ok… But he didn't mean it. _Emily reasoned. She couldn't blame him, right? He was just learning his way again. It was an accident…

She had a lot of feelings but was trying her best not to feel them. Nate wasn't making that easy for her since he was quiet the whole ride. Emily suspected he heard the argument or at least the outburst at the end. She should have kept that from happening. She should have kept him from everything. She found him staring at her. Nate would just stare and when she looked back, he would look away.

So, Emily tried to make conversation.

"Which teacher do you want to see first?" Emily asked.

"Miss Vera." His actual teacher. The rest were rotating classes like art, gym, and music.

"Ok. Then we'll go there first."

When she tried to hold his attention, he wouldn't even look at her. Emily, at times, was grateful about that. She wanted so badly to rub her leg. When she fell, it just jostled things and now it hurt. In combination with her rehab, helping with James, and housework, her leg was sore. And it wasn't the good, "I'm working it out," kind of sore, but hurting. She still had fluid buildup in her knee and now pain too.

"Not good," she thought, cringing as she tried to adjust in the seat.

Emily tried to distract herself with Nate, but when that didn't work, she was thrilled that they arrived at the school. The driver helped her out and she thanked him, making plans for where they should meet.

"Alright, Nate. Lead the way."

He took her hand, which made her smile, and brought her to the classroom. There was a line outside the door.

"We're number five," he told her after counting the people ahead of them.

Four families before them took nearly forty minutes, and by that time, Emily's body was feeling the stress of the day. Nate could feel it too. He often stood very close to her side so she could use him to lean on if needed. She didn't do it because she didn't want to let on that she needed it. It saddened her to realize he knew anyway.

"We're next."

"Good. I can't wait to hear what your teacher has to say."

"She's going to say I'm the best student ever because I'm awesome."

"And humble," Emily teased, happy by the change in tone.

Nate had a slight pout on his face all evening, but that was one of the few moments he lit up. Being out of the house was good for him too.

The family before them came out of the classroom and they were allowed in.

"Hello Nate, who is this?" she asked.

Nate looked to Emily and then back to his teacher before responding, "This is my mom."

Emily blinked a few times, surprised by his words and questioning whether she really heard them or not. Mom? Did he look at her like that? Or was he just confused? Did he know he said that? Did he find out? A million new thoughts added to the already massive pile. She wasn't going to lie, it felt freaking amazing to hear, but she had no idea if he meant it. For all she knew, he just didn't know how to explain the situation and was smart enough to say what the teacher was expecting. She wasn't going to correct him.

"Emily Prentiss," she introduced herself once she got her wits about her, holding out her hand. _Mom_… Where did that come from?

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Prentiss."

"Miss, and Emily is fine."

She nodded. "Let's get down to business," Miss Vera said, offering Emily and Nate a seat. "Nate is a very bright student and he has really come out of his shell. I love when new students warm up. Where did he go to school before?"

"He was homeschooled," Emily said.

"I like this better," Nate added, making both the women in the room smile.

"We're glad to have you with us, Nate."

Emily and the teacher talked. Emily was thrilled to hear all the wonderful things the teacher had to say about Nate. He was attentive and participated a lot in class. When he started, he was a little quiet, but quickly made friends. He talked about his best friend Jack, who happened to have been a student of hers at one point and was happy to know that Nate had him as a friend.

"They're great together," Emily agreed.

They went over the basics a bit more before Vera asked Nate to go grab some of his work from the cubby to show to Emily.

"While he's occupied, there is something I wanted to discuss with you."

Emily was all ears. "Is everything ok? Did Nate do something?"

"Oh, no. He's wonderful. I just noticed that, in the last week especially, he seemed a little more… withdrawn than usual."

"Really?" Emily asked. If this was coming up a few weeks ago when the blow up at the hospital happened, she wouldn't have given it a second thought. It would have been expected, but now, at home, he was ok. He was happy his father was around. She thought so anyway. Maybe she was wrong. "In what way?"

"He has been quiet, not participating unless called on. He hasn't been playing as much with everyone. It's nothing major, but since it was enough for me to notice, I thought I'd mention it."

"No, I'm glad you did. I will definitely get to the bottom of it. I know the school has my number, but I'd like to give it to you personally. Would that be ok? You can call if you notice anything else."

"Of course," the teacher responded, accepting Emily's number.

The meeting went well, and Emily couldn't be happier with Nate's school performance, but now she was worried about what he wasn't showing at home. A week ago at school, he changed. The only thing that happened then was James coming home and them moving. Also, she became miserable, but she never showed that in front of Nate. The first week of adjusting must have taken its toll on Nate, too. If he was unhappy or feeling something, why wouldn't he tell her? What was going on?

She made plans to talk with him, but first, they had to get through the night.

"Bye Miss Vera," Nate said as they left.

"See you Monday, Nate. Nice to meet you Emily."

"You too."

Again, Nate took her hand and they went to see his art and music teacher. Both told Emily he was a good, attentive student, and was a lot of fun to have in class. He was no prodigy, but he certainly tried his best. The music teacher mentioned that he picked up on rhythm and the notes very well.

"I like the guitar, but I'm not very good," Nate told Emily as they left the music teacher's room.

"If it's something you want to learn, we can talk about lessons," Emily responded as they headed toward the main lobby where other parents and staff were mingling around refreshments.

"Really?"

"Yes. I want you to do all the things you like – within reason – so you just have to talk to me. You know you can, right? You can talk to me about anything."

"I know," he replied, but his tone told her he was holding back.

"Want to go get some ice cream now?"

"Yes!"

They were turning down the last hall of classrooms before heading into the lobby, very nearly to the end when Nate pointed and said, "Look."

She followed his line of sight to see Jack and Hotch.

"Can I go say hi?"

Nodding, she said, "Go. I'm right behind you."

Emily watched as Nate ran and hugged Jack and Hotch. She slowly made her way there.

"Hey Bud," Emily greeted Jack. "Your teachers have great things to say about you?"

"Yup. They love me."

"I'm sure they do," Emily agreed.

"What about you, Nate?" Hotch asked. "What did your teachers have to say?"

"They like me too."

"Good." Hotch, wanting to catch up with Emily, told the kids, "I think they have some cookies and juice over there if you want some."

"Can I?" Nate asked.

"Only one," Emily replied. "Or no ice cream."

He happily nodded and pulled Jack toward the table.

"How are you?" Hotch asked.

"Good… You?"

"Good."

"I didn't think you'd be here. Last I heard, you guys were on a case."

"Got back this morning."

"I'm sure Jack was happy."

"He was and so was I. It was a short trip, thankfully." His eyes narrowed. "How are things with James and Nate going?"

"Nate's fantastic. James is getting better every day."

"Yeah? Good. And you're handling things ok?"

"No problem here."

"If you need any help or a break, you can call any one of us. We'd be happy to help out."

"I know. Thank you," she said.

"You could always just drop by… We miss you."

"We miss you too," she replied.

Hotch was about to say something, but Nate called her name and both adults looked to the kids.

"Sorry, Hotch. Duty calls," she said and started to walk away.

"Emily. Wait," Hotch stopped her. "You're limping more than usual." He noticed that and looked down, stopping when he saw something else. "What happened to your arm?"

He went to reach for it, but she pulled her hand away.

"It's nothing. I fell. Landed wrong."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I was just pushing myself too hard during PT. An accident," she lied.

"Let me take a look at your wrist."

"No, you really don't need to. It's nothing. Just a little bruise."

He sighed. "If it keeps hurting, you should get checked out."

"I will," she promised. "I have another follow up appointment next week."

Then, Hotch slipped his arm in hers and helped her to the table where the boys were.

"Let's see what they're up to," he told her.

"Nothing good, I'm sure," she joked.

They were up to something, but nothing worrisome.

"Jack asked if I could sleep over," Nate excitedly shared with Emily.

Jack looked guiltily to his dad, knowing he was supposed to wait.

"Is that right," Emily said. "Is that something you want?"

"Yes!"

"I was going to call you and see if we can set something up for this weekend," Hotch interrupted. "But if they want to do it tonight, I'm ok with that."

"Do you want to sleep over tonight?" Emily asked Nate.

He eagerly nodded.

She wanted to say no so that she could talk to him. They needed to discuss the home situation and even the mom thing, but she could see he really wanted this. Who was she to prevent that?

"I don't have any clothes for him."

"That's ok. He can use Jack's."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok. Then I'm fine with it. We can get ice cream tomorrow, ok Nate?"

"Can Hotch and Jack come too?"

"If they want to. We can talk about it later." She looked to Hotch. "I'll bring him some clothes in the morning."

"You really don't have to. No need to make a trip just for that when he fits into Jack's clothes."

"Alright," she agreed. "Then I'm going to head back to the house." She pulled Nate into a hug. "Be good and call if you need anything."

"I will. Love you."

Hearing that never got old. "Love you too." She turned to Jack and gave him a hug, too. "It was very good to see you Jack."

"I miss you."

"Aww, I miss you too. I'll stop by tomorrow. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Do you need help to the car?"

"No. I'm ok. Thanks. Call if anything comes up. Boys, have fun."

"We will."

"Get home safely," Hotch added.

She waved and smiled, heading away from them. A long quiet drive was just what she needed. If only she was doing the driving. She wasn't excited to get back, so she asked the driver to stop by at a park not too far from the house just so she could sit there and have a moment to herself while she knew James and Nate were being taken care of.

While she took a little time to just be, Hotch and the boys went home, after a few more cookies, of course.

Once they arrived, Jack took Nate into his room so they could play with his new video game. Hotch went into the kitchen to make some popcorn before joining the boys for some fun before bed. It felt more normal to have Nate back there with them than it did to not have him and Emily there.

Truth was, the Hotchners got used to having them around and missed them once they left. The house was quieter, and even messier. He couldn't really figure out that one since they were down to two people who picked up after themselves, but still, it was messier around the apartment. And it didn't smell as nice.

"I like that you kept my bed," Nate said.

"It's so you can use it any time, or friends if they want to come over."

"Is Emily's room the same?"

"Yup," Jack said. "Just without all her clothes and stuff. We did get some boxes from her place in England. So those are in there."

"Cool. I've been to England. I lived there. And saw Emily."

"You did?" Jack asked. "That's neat. What was it like?"

Nate really hadn't seen much of England, but he was happy to share what he had and all about his adventure with Emily. Eventually, as the stories wound down and after Hotch told them it was time for bed, things got quiet.

Nate sighed.

"I wish we still lived here," Nate said into the quiet night.

"You do?" Jack asked, peeking over the rail of the top bunk.

"Yeah… I liked it here."

"I liked having you guys here, too. It was fun. Don't tell my dad, but Emily cooks better than him."

"Mmhmm." Nate's voice lowered and he sounded sad to Jack.

"You don't like living with your dad and Emily?"

"I don't think my dad is better."

"Why not?"

"He still can't talk right all the way and…"

"And what?"

"My dad is mean," he quietly said. "He yells a lot."

"At you?"

"Mostly Emily. To me too, sometimes. But Emily doesn't know."

"Sometimes dads do that," Jack reasoned.

"I guess."

"You should tell Emily… Or my dad."

"Maybe," he told Jack.

"You can come here when you're sad. My dad won't care," Jack said.

"It's not bad, I just wish he didn't yell at Emily so much. She's super nice to him and all he does is yell at her. He wasn't like this before."

"I'm sorry," Jack told him.

"It's because he hurt his brain. Emily said that he might be different than we're used to."

"So he's always going to be like that?"

"I don't know."

"Oh…" Jack didn't really know what to say. It was clear his friend was sad because of, first, losing one dad and then dealing with all the changes in the other, but how could he help? What could he say? He didn't know all the details and he was sure Nate didn't either. Was there something he could do?

"I'm tired," Nate said, wanting to end the conversation. "Night Jack."

"Night Nate."

It was like old times being in that room. It felt like so long since Nate had slept there, even if it was only a couple of weeks. He slept better than he had in that time, too, even with everything on his mind. Sadly, he wasn't looking forward to going home. Home had always been where his fathers were, but things had changed. He missed his fathers, both of them.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on the point of view, he wouldn't be going home the next day.

Emily returned to the house long after James had gone to bed, hoping to avoid another confrontation with him. She checked in with the night nurse, but spent a few hours just sitting on a park bench looking at the stars. She went straight to bed when she got in, but, late that night, Emily was awakened by the sound of a scream. Scared the shit out of her.

Fast as she could, she ran toward James and the nurse. Caleb, the nurse, yelled for her to call 911 as he helped James.

"He's having a seizure," he told her, holding James on his side and trying to prevent him from getting hurt during the convulsions.

Emily called for an ambulance and frantically, helplessly watched Caleb try to help James. There was nothing she could do. They had his seizure medication and he had taken it, but it was still happening.

When the ambulance arrived, she let them in, and Caleb gave them stats and vitals. She was useless in the situation. If the nurse couldn't do anything, what was there for her to do? Though, when she came back into the moment, she told them more of his medical history. Not that they really needed it. It was clear what was happening. They needed to take him to the hospital.

"Can I ride with you?" Emily asked.

"You can sit in the front," one of them told her. "Let's go."

She didn't bother grabbing a jacket, just slipped on some shoes and followed them out.

At the hospital, they were able to stop the seizure. James was in a non-communicative ictal state. The whole thing, from the seizure to the aftereffects, was a terrible sight to see. She was so glad Nate wasn't around to witness it. She was terrified by it, by hearing him scream and writhe while she stood by with no way to stop it.

It was yet another image she would never get out of her mind.

But he was stable and would sleep it off. That just meant that there were more tests to be done and more waiting and no sleep for Emily. They hooked James up to an EEG much like he wore after the first seizure. Nodes were attached to his head, monitors reading for brain spikes. And all Emily could do was sit there. Even when they took him for tests, she couldn't sleep and barely did much but sit there. That made the long night become a long day.

She heard from the doctor in the morning. It appeared like some of the motor ticks that James was having that they thought were from the brain damage were partial seizures. What he experienced that night was a cluster of seizures, one after another.

Frontal lobe epilepsy was thrown out there as a potential diagnosis, the damage from the attack causing the brain to misfire and the seizures to occur. They were partial seizures, but last night's was a tonic-clonic which happened once the seizure moved from one part of the brain to all over. Emily's own brain felt like it was on overload with the information.

"It's treatable," Dr. Durant told Emily after taking over the case. She welcomed the familiar face. "We just have to find the right dose of the medicine he is on now. If he continues to have seizures after we reached max therapeutic levels, we can look into surgery."

"Another brain surgery?"

"We don't have to worry about that yet," Dr. Durant told her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Have you given anymore thought to the rehabilitation center?"

Yes, she thought about it. She thought about it almost every day of the past few weeks. Two nurses quit because of James' behavior, and the agency said no more, so the day work was all hers now. At night, the nurses got along with James because he slept most of the time, so she had help then, but it wasn't much consolation. It was still a lot of hard work and restlessness taking care of everything.

"Even with the change in medication, it could take weeks to level out. He will continue to have seizures. The center is equipped to handle that. They have medical staff there 24/7 along with the therapy specialists."

"I'll think about it."

"Please do," he said. "It really could help you both. There are family services there too."

"I don't need help."

"Ok," he backed off. "But you do need rest. He will be in and out all day. The medicine we gave him to stop the cluster last night will make him groggy and out of it. We're going to keep him over night just to monitor the seizure activity and come up with an appropriate dose. Go home. When you come back, we'll discuss what to do when he has seizures at home."

"Alright," she didn't fight. She just wanted to check on Nate and sleep for a little while. Maybe. "Thank you."

He gave a half smile and a nod before leaving her standing there. She didn't move. She just stood and took a deep breath. She must've stayed there for five minutes, at least, an orderly passing and asking if she was ok.

"Fine," she responded.

Eventually, she got moving, stopped to see James and called the driver. She just wanted to get out of there and sleep. Though, that wouldn't be what happened. Instead, when she got there, she had a ton of cleaning to do and arrangements to make.

_More work…_

While Emily's energy was aptly depleted, Hotch's was being replenished with coffee as he chatted up JJ. Hotch called her the next morning after overhearing Jack and Nate talking. When he walked by the room, he heard them and was about to go in to say lights out again but found himself eavesdropping instead.

His first instinct was to call Emily and talk to her, but he knew she wasn't going to open up if she was having a hard time. He needed to talk to someone that would be better equipped to get through to her. He called JJ, told her that Nate had spent the night and asked if she wanted to get the boys together. No plans for the day, JJ said sure, and they agreed to meet at his place.

When she arrived, the kids gathered and ran off to play leaving them to talk just as planned.

"I love that they get along so well," Hotch said.

"Me too. Jack's the calm, Henry's the energizer bunny, and Nate is somewhere in between, so they're good for each other."

Hotch laughed at the accuracy there. Henry never ran out of energy, but Jack, even energetic, calmed easily and helped bestow that to those around him. Nate, too, had boundless energy at times, but he also had a lot of focus for that energy. They were all very different but worked well together.

"Nate's actually part of why I wanted to get together."

"Nate… and Emily, I assume," JJ surmised.

"Yes. He seems… down. He was happy when he was with Emily, but the moment she was gone, he seemed sad and he asked about her often, like he wants to check in with her, but when I ask if he wants to call her, he says no."

"What do you think's going on?"

"I think James isn't his old self and Emily's taking the brunt of that, burning her candle at both ends." He relayed the conversation he overheard.

JJ told Hotch that she had been trying to get in touch with Emily and hasn't had much luck over the past few weeks or even this morning when she called again.

"Speaking of," Hotch said when his phone rang. "Emily," he picked it up. "What? Is he ok?" JJ watched curiously as he listened to Emily. "Are you still at the hospital with him? … Ok… Do you want me to come? … Alright… Yes… Yeah, ok. I'll call you later."

He hung up, sighed, and looked to JJ.

"What happened?" she asked.

"James was taken to the hospital. He had a seizure," he explained, telling her everything else Emily said.

"So, she's at the house now?"

He nodded.

"Maybe I should go check on her. I've been trying to get in touch with her and I wanted to see if we could do something for her birthday. It's next week."

He wanted to go, but he knew she was the right option. If he went, it would look like he was doing what she told him not to. JJ could do a casual drop in.

"Can you handle three boys?" JJ asked, teasingly.

"I'll do my best. I am bigger than them," he joked.

"I'll call you when I have all the details."

"Thanks."

JJ told Henry she was going and then drove to Emily's. When she arrived, she knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She could hear music playing, so tried again, rapping against the door a little harder, and then harder until finally Emily came to the door.

"JJ?" she asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"You've been avoiding my calls, so I thought I'd just stop by."

"I'm just cleaning. You can come in."

She stepped out of the way and let JJ in, closing the door behind her. Emily led her to the living room so they could sit on the couch. Emily was happy for the surprise visit. It gave her an opportunity to stop for a minute and just be.

"You look… tired," JJ said, treading lightly. Honestly, Emily looked like she hadn't slept in days.

"It's been a long day," Emily replied. "I am tired."

"Want to talk about it?"

Emily told her the same things she told Hotch, and JJ pretended not to know, asking questions and getting more information.

"I was just cleaning some of the mess when you came."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Oh. No, no that's ok. I have it covered," Emily said. "But thank you. Why don't you tell me why you stopped by?"

"It's your birthday next Sunday."

"Wow. I didn't even realize…" That was how crazy her life had been. She couldn't even remember her birthday.

"Well, it has been a few weeks since we've all been together and have seen you, so we were hoping we can have a small party for you."

"I don't know… I don't really need a party and I don't want to leave James."

"We can do it here. We won't go all out, just a little get-together, and we'll clean everything up. All you have to do is be there and enjoy yourself."

She did miss everyone. "Ok. Yeah. I can do that."

"Good. Pen's going to be so happy to hear that."

"Don't let her go overboard. I can't… I have enough going on," Emily said.

"Don't worry," JJ told her. "I will make sure she doesn't. We just want to spend some time with you and celebrate your birthday. There will be food, the kids will get to play, and we will all get to hang out. That's it. Stress free."

_Nothing was stress free…_

"Now. You really look like you need to rest. Why don't I finish cleaning up and you lay down for a while?"

"No. I can do it."

"The problem is you don't look like you should."

"There's not much left to do."

"Good, then you shouldn't have a problem letting me do it."

"Alright," she acquiesced. "I'm just gonna –" she pointed to her bedroom and then walked off, saying a quiet thanks to JJ before closing the door.

There wasn't much for JJ to do, but she finished whatever she could and then checked on Emily before she left. It looked like Emily was sleeping, though a tad restlessly. It was better than nothing. That was the lowdown she gave Hotch when she went to pick up Henry.

He told JJ that Emily sent him a text saying she was going to stop by later that afternoon and asking if Nate could spend the night again.

"She was supposed to be sleeping. I don't think she got any rest last night."

"Probably not," Hotch agreed. "I'll keep an eye on her."

"We better get going. I'm meeting Pen and Spencer, but she agreed to have a birthday party. That's good, right?"

"It is. Go. I'll see you Monday."

"Bye Hotch."

Hotch kept the boys occupied until he heard from Emily again. She promised Nate ice cream and asked if he and Jack wanted to go, too. When he agreed, they made plans to just meet at the ice cream place. Emily changed, grabbed some new clothes for Nate, and met them there late that afternoon. She was there when they arrived.

"Emily!" Nate was happy to see her.

"Hey Nate. Did you have fun last night?"

"Yeah. Lots. I like being there."

"I know." _Me too,_ she thought. "Jack, take Nate to go look at the menu. Pick whatever you want. On me."

"Awesome," Jack said. "Come on, Nate."

"How's James?" Hotch asked when it was just the two of them.

"He's doing ok? He gets out in the morning with a new set of meds and another roadblock."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah… I'm just tired. Last night was… We've witnessed a lot, but medical stuff… The blood and gore we see, it's terrible, but I can look at it and see clues and profile that, but there's a reason I've never wanted to be a doctor. I just… it was hard to see."

"I get it. Makes it even harder when it's happening to someone you care about."

She nodded.

"Are you going to tell Nate?"

"I'm going to have to. I need to talk to him about some things. Before I do, are you sure you're fine with him staying the night again?"

"Of course. Jack loves having him there. I think he's the little brother he always wanted."

Emily smiled. "He's the only kid I've ever met that was so eager to share his room. He didn't complain once."

"They're two kids who both experienced something similar and who get along well."

"Yeah," Emily said, staring off at the boys who were laughing and playing with each other not too far away. "I should talk to him… I just… I don't know how he's going to deal with this. So much has already happened and now his father is… It just sucks."

He put his hand on hers. "If you ever need a break, let me know. I can take Nate for a night or both of you can stay with us. Whatever you want."

"Thanks."

"Why don't you stay with us tonight?"

"What?"

"Come home with us. You can talk with Nate there and I can be around if you need help or just another adult to talk to."

"I…"

"Don't say no."

"Fine. Sounds good."

"Then it's settled. Let's get ice cream."

He was happy she said yes. It would give him a better opportunity to suss-out whether she was telling the truth about what happened to her arm and allow him to be there if Nate got emotional.

For the hour they were there, at least, it was like they went back in time a few weeks to when they all lived together. They talked, they laughed, and it was light. It was fun. Soon reality would return.

The boys were excited when Emily said they were all going back to the apartment together, but Nate was nervous when she said that they needed to talk. He knew by now that was not always a good thing. So, when they got to the apartment, he didn't want to put it off.

It was late, so everyone changed into pajamas. Hotch offered Emily clothes for bed. Hotch and Jack settled in on the couch for their nighttime ritual. Emily and Nate went to her old room to talk.

"Alright Nate. Let's talk."

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No. Of course not. I just have some things we need to discuss."

"Like what?"

"Well, first," _it wasn't the time, she heard the voice in her head say,_ "I wanted to ask about what you said the other day."

"What did I say?"

"You introduced me to your teacher as your mother."

"Oh," he said, looking away. His cheeks flushed pink. "Was that a bad thing?"

"No… I just…. I'm curious why you did that. Did you feel you had to?"

"No."

"Then can I ask why?"

"All my friends at school talk about their moms. One of them even has two moms. And you're… You're kind of like my mom, right? I don't have my dads anymore, but I have you. You said I have you always. So, that's like a mom, isn't it?"

He really had no experience with what a mother was. All his life it was just him and his two fathers. Very few other people were involved in his life. He met some along the way, but other than his dads, there was only Emily. She took care of him and loved him, and he loved her.

"I guess it is. I…" She didn't know what the protocol for this was. She was his mother, now in more ways than just biological, but she wasn't sure what telling him would do to their relationship or his relationship with James. "I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to make sure that you didn't say I was your mom because you didn't know how to explain who I was."

"Should I not have done that?"

"It's perfectly fine that you did," she said, though James would feel differently.

"I don't think I'm confused. I know you're not my mom, but you act like it, in a good way, and you said you loved me. I love you too."

"I do love you," she agreed. "And you can feel whatever you want. I just wanted to check in with you about it." Now, she was glad she did because this moment was one of the best she had in a while. He made her feel warm and happy.

"That's it?"

"There is something else we need to talk about."

"Oh no. It's bad." He already looked sad.

She didn't correct him, responding, "It's about your dad."

Without too many details about what exactly happened, she gave Nate the gist of what was happening. She told him about the epilepsy and what that meant as a diagnosis and, more specifically, for James.

"So, is he going to stay in the hospital?"

"No, he gets out tomorrow."

"Oh." He looked almost disappointed by the answer.

"Look, Nate. Your father is a friend of mine and has been since we were kids, so I'm going to try to do this because he asked me to help him, but if it's too hard for you to have him home, you have to say something. You have to tell me what you're feeling so that I know and can help."

"Ok…" It wasn't convincing.

Emily explained a little more about what to expect before Nate came up with an excuse to leave. He was getting emotional and didn't like it. He didn't want to be upset all the time. So, he left, walked right into Jack's room, and shut the door for a little privacy.

"I think I'm going to bed, Dad," Jack said when he saw Nate.

"Take care of him," Hotch encouraged.

"I will, if you take care of her," Jack countered, using his thumb to point in the direction of Emily's room.

"I'm on it."

Both were on top of it. Jack went to his room to check on Nate where Nate filled him in on everything, the conflicting emotions obvious. Hotch did the same with Emily. Knocking on the door, he got a quiet come in, and found her going through the boxes that came for her.

"These are mine, right?"

"They are. Clyde sent them. I guess you talked to him about a longer sabbatical and renting your apartment out."

"Yup. Not exactly living there right now. Got expensive paying for hospital bills, nurses, secret plane rides and everything."

"I bet," he said. "Want to talk about what happened with Nate?"

"His dad is sick. In the hospital… again, and he's sad. What's there to talk about?"

"How bad it makes you feel to see him like that…"

"It rips my heart out every time I see him sad, but I can't change what happened. Nothing I can do will make it better, and I just… I have to let him be sad."

"That's a fact of life sometimes. Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"How did you really hurt yourself?"

Emily looked at him, trying to think of a lie he'd believe, one that she could get away with, but she didn't want to lie. "James was upset. We were fighting, and he grabbed me."

"He did that to you," he angrily said.

"It wasn't a purposeful aggression, Hotch, but yes. He did."

"I think Nate may have seen that."

"I worried that he did. He didn't say anything, but we were yelling. James was. I think he was on the stairs, so he may have heard things, but probably didn't see everything."

"Is it ok to stay there? I don't want you getting hurt… Or Nate," he said.

"Hotch… He gets angry. That's a problem, but he hasn't touched Nate. And this was the first time he touched me. I know I sound like I'm rationalizing, but I don't think he realized he was doing it and he looked surprised that he did."

"Have you talked to him?"

"No. After the parent-teacher night, I went to the park to clear my mind before going back to the house. He was already asleep and then he had his seizure."

"Emily, you know that you can ask for help. You can call any one of us and we'd be there or… Whatever you need we'd do."

"I know. I'm ok. I'm going to figure this out."

"If he hurts you again…"

"Then I'll deal with it. I'm not going to let him hurt me, but I'm not going to abandon him either."

"I understand." He did. He didn't want to, but he did. "Want some tea before bed?"

"I think I could sleep for a week. I'll pass this time."

"Alright. Sleep well."

"Night Hotch. Thanks."

She slept better that night, but still found herself checking on Nate a couple of times and walking around the room, stressed. Come the next morning, she didn't even stay for breakfast before leaving for the hospital. She got up, cooked like old times, and then left, telling Nate she'd see him later.

James was ready to go a few hours later with a list of new medical instructions. Emily didn't know if she was prepared for it, but she would have to be.

Emily and James had been through so much together, and years had passed since they really knew each other, but that friendship never went away. Surely, they could get through all of this too. Emily could support him and take care of him and Nate until they got his seizures under control and he was able to work more on his rehab.

She was lying to herself. She wanted to believe she could, but she didn't.

And when she tried, it was even worse than before.

The seizures had gotten worse, which the doctors told her might happen before they got better. But it felt like every time she closed her eyes at night, she was either being woken up by him having a seizure or worrying about him having one and just unable to sleep at all.

Now Nate had to deal with it, too. He was cranky. Not one night went by that James' seizures didn't wake them up. By Thursday, Nate had enough. Little things set them off because they were all stressed and tired. Emily got a call from Vera saying Nate got into an argument with another student and even fell asleep in class. When she tried to talk to him about it, he just freaked out.

"I don't like this," he yelled. "I didn't do anything wrong. Prescot was being an asshole."

"Language," Emily yelled.

"He was. He was saying stupid things. I… Ugh," he screamed, a guttural cry that showed his frustration. "I don't want this anymore. I don't want my dad to be sick. I don't want my dad to be dead. I don't want to be here."

That wasn't the worst of it.

"You keep getting hurt."

He wasn't wrong. There were several times when James had a seizure and she got in the way. There were some bumps and bruises, but nothing major.

"I hate you for bringing us here. I want to go back, back to England or before we met you! Then this wouldn't be happening. You wouldn't be hurt, and neither would they."

He ran from her after that. He slammed the door to his room and didn't come out for the rest of the night. James witnessed this. He said nothing, simply retreated and left her to deal with the fallout.

Her only form of dealing was crying. She didn't know what to do anymore. It was bad before, but it was worse now. Now, the seizures weren't really being helped with the medicine. Sometimes they seemed more and stronger than before. After the seizures, when he was in that ictal state, Nate was sometimes too afraid to even come downstairs.

James' temper was worse than ever. They fought like a married couple on the brink of divorce, or, maybe more aptly, a divorced couple fighting about everything… Sometimes his food wasn't right, so he'd yell or when he was upset and couldn't quite articulate why, he liked to throw things and scream, usually leaving Emily to clean the mess.

She did her research. Between the damage and the seizures, the temperament and behavioral changes weren't unexpected, but they weren't always this bad. Emily suspected there were some repressed anger issues and depression that he was dealing with too, which made it that much more explosive, but it wasn't her fault. It wasn't.

Emily was exhausted and now she was even more hurt by Nate's outburst, his continued outbursts. It got to the point where he asked to leave. He didn't interact with his father at all. He barely spoke to her after that initial bout and then, when she tried to talk to him, he was just… sad. In the span of a week, they went from him considering her like a mom to him hating her.

And all of this led to the great birthday meltdown.

Hotch and Jack came over Sunday morning, just an hour before the girls were set to come. He and Jack walked in to find Nate nowhere to be seen, and Emily on the ground picking something up, shoulders shaking.

"Go upstairs, Jack. See if you can find Nate. Stay up there until I tell you."

"Ok." He looked around, gaging the situation much like his father was, just before heading upstairs.

Hotch approached Emily as he peered around for James. He wasn't in the room, and sensing what he was doing, Emily said, "The driver and the temp nurse took him to his therapies today," she said, voice shaky and not moving to face him.

"Emily, what happened?"

She openly cried now, trying and failing to hold in the sobs.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," she cried.

"Do what?"

She let her body fall and lean against the wall as she met his eyes with a look of pure defeat. Her eyes were red, her face was streaked with tears. This wasn't an Emily that Hotch had ever seen.

"This. Any of this. Nate hates me. James hates me. He blames me for Vince's death. I can't do anything right. Why can't I do anything right?"

Her head fell into her hands as she just lost it. There was no holding it in anymore. She just couldn't do it.


	31. Birthday Meltdown

Just wanted to thank the guest reviewers for their comments since I can't respond directly. I love to hear what people think.

**Chapter 31: Birthday Meltdown**

"Emily, what happened?"

She openly cried now, trying and failing to hold in the sobs.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," she cried.

"Do what?"

She let her body fall and lean against the wall as she met his eyes with a look of pure defeat. Her eyes were red, her face was streaked with tears. This wasn't an Emily that Hotch had ever seen.

"This. Any of this. Nate hates me. James hates me. He blames me for Vince's death. I can't do anything right. Why can't I do anything right?"

Her head fell into her hands as she just lost it. There was no holding it in anymore. She just couldn't do it.

Hotch, saddened by the sight, got on the ground beside her and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's ok," he said. "It's ok."

"It's not…" she choked out through the cries.

"Hey. Breathe. Let it out." He squeezed her tight in his arms, her head on his chest as he rocked with her. "Whatever happened, it will be ok."

"I can't do any of this. I can't." She shook her head into his chest. "How did I end up here?"

He didn't say anything, just let her say whatever was on her mind, and they stayed like that for a few minutes before her breathing became more hiccupped than full on sobs.

"What happened, Emily?"

"What didn't?" She sniffled, moving away from him and leaning back against the wall. "I made a mistake thinking I could do this… Any of this."

"What's this?"

"Take care of Nate… Take care of James… All of it," she claimed, her voice fueled with raw emotion. "Nate hates me." The tears were back.

"That's not true," Hotch assured you. "That kid loves you. He told Jack and me that."

"Not anymore."

"I'm sure he does."

"No… You weren't here. You didn't see what happened."

_The morning started so well. Despite not sleeping well, Emily woke up happy. It was her birthday, and, while not always her favorite day, she was looking forward to having everyone together and just being around adults who would hold a conversation without yelling at her. _

_She could hear Nate in the kitchen clacking the pots and pans. He was never up before her, so she quickly got up to see what he was doing. Emily found Nate in the kitchen with the weekend nurse, Janelle, making breakfast. _

_The sight made Emily smile, especially since he had been so withdrawn the last few days, so she stood there and watched for a moment before making her presence known._

"_Happy birthday," Nate yelled. "It was supposed to be a surprise."_

"_What was?" Emily asked. _

"_Breakfast. I was going to bring it to your room."_

"_I'd rather eat with you. That ok?"_

"_Yeah. We made plenty. Thanks for the help, Janelle."_

"_You're very welcome, kid," she said. "I'll leave you to it. Happy birthday."_

"_Thank you." Sitting, Emily asked, "What did you make?"_

"_Pancakes, but look," he said, placing a plate in front of her. _

_In chocolate sauce, Nate's messy scrawl, on the pancakes was written "Happy B-day." _

"_Wow. This is great, Nate. Thank you."_

_He smiled and waited for her to take the first bite to see if she liked them before eating, too. He really did do a good job cooking and Emily was happy to have him talking with her and willingly spending time with her. _

_But that was all before James woke up. The moment he came into the room with Janelle's help, the atmosphere changed. Before the seizures, he was able to walk with a walker and some assistance, but has since been relegated back to the wheelchair, mostly for safety, which made him miserable and the rest of them had to deal with it. _

_It was like the temperature of the room dropped. Nate immediately clammed up and the two stopped talking. Everyone was on eggshells waiting for the next outburst. _

"_Happy birthday," he managed to say, almost normally. _

_Then, James was calm, for the most part, while they ate. He got irritated when he had some trouble using the utensils, and when the realized, they seemed to hold their breaths, waiting. He didn't blow up, though, which put them in a false sense of security. _

_After breakfast, Nate told Emily that she couldn't clean up because it was her day. Emily tried to tell him she'd at least help, but he wasn't having it. It was cute, so she let him clean and went to change. _

_The next hour went by very uneventfully. Thankfully… _

_But then Emily made the mistake of talking with James and Nate at the same time. Nate, who had still been avoiding his father, had asked James if he was going to be nice at the party. James, volatile as he was, didn't like what his son was insinuating. _

_He growled, a feral sound to his son, and Emily, hearing it, tried to step in. That was when things started to go south. _

"_Nate, don't worry about him. Ok? We're all going to have fun and be friendly."_

_James yelled that he could speak for himself._

"_Then do it, Dad," Nate hissed, clearly touching on a soft spot. He was so tired of his dad's crappy attitude, especially toward Emily. _

_But James ignored his son and looked to Emily, claiming that she turned his son against him. "He's your little pet." That was the kindest thing that came out of James' mouth. _

_Emily was slack jawed as he went on his tirade. If she wasn't seeing and hearing it for herself, she would have never believed that this man was her once best friend, nor would she have believed he was even capable of saying these things. _

_He basically said that Emily trained him well, that she wanted Nate all for herself, "And that was why you let Vince die. You did it. You let him die and me be like… Like this. An invalid." He didn't need perfect speech to get his point across. It was all out there. _

_He blamed Emily, like she knew he did, and he kept going from there. _

"_I'm surprised you didn't let the kid die too," he yelled, tossing a cup towards her and Nate, just narrowly missing, but enough to splash Nate with water. At least it was plastic. Emily learned her lesson with that one._

"_Nate," Emily finally got her bearings. "Go upstairs."_

"_That's right. Send him away so he can't see what a monster his father is. No. Let him stay. Let him see what you made happen."_

_Nate didn't want to stay. He didn't want to see his father like that. He didn't want Emily blamed for anything. He just didn't want this anymore._

"_I wish you never brought us here. I hate you. I hate all of you," Nate yelled before stomping away. _

_Emily's whole body felt like it had taken a blow as she glared at James. _

"_You did that," James said. "If you wanted him, you should have just let me die like you let Vince. You're a virus. You come in and infect everyone."_

_Again. She stood there and just took the abuse._

"_He may not be my son biologically like he is yours, but you'll never be right for him. You'll never be his mother. But me? I'll always be his father…"_

_If Emily hadn't known better, she would have thought she was having this fight with Vince… It would have hurt less coming from him. _

"I can't remember the last time I slept more than two hours a night. I can't even keep food down because I'm so stressed all the time. I'm nauseous and tired and I feel weak. I am weak…"

He knew she wasn't talking physically.

"I thought I could do it. I could give Nate a normal, happy life with James, too, but instead, I made him hate me. He's depressed. I know he is, and it's all my fault. I got his father killed and then I brought him to a house where his only surviving parent yells at us and berates me every chance he gets. Why? Why did I do this? Why can't I get it right? I try… I tried to give everyone what they wanted and all I'm doing is making things worse."

"Emily… That's not true."

"You didn't hear Nate, Hotch."

Her voice was broken and laced with such sadness. She was heartbroken by all of it, feeling like she wasn't enough.

"He said he hated me… Hated me for doing this to him. And I don't blame him. He's not happy here. I thought he was. I thought he just needed time, but it has only gotten worse. He loves his father. I know he does, but all being here has taught him is that James, the one he knew, isn't here anymore. I did that to him… I forced him to live like this… To watch me be yelled at and called names like… Like a wife being emotionally abused. What am I doing to him? God… Maybe this is why Vince didn't want me in Nate's life? All I know how to do is mess him up. How did I ever think I could be a mother to him?"

"Emily, stop." He put his hand on her back. "Look at me, please."

She couldn't. She just wanted to cry. She wanted to be left alone and cry.

"I'm his mother Hotch, and though he probably won't ever know, I still want him to care and love me. Even if he never does, I just want him to live a healthy, happy life. I've been toxic for him. I just wanted to give him everything I could."

"And you have, Emily. You have. He has been happy. He's a great kid. Yes, everything with Vince and James has been hard, but he has you. He knows he has you and you've been able to get him through."

"I don't think he would agree," she hiccupped. "Do you think things would have been better if they hadn't come to me in London? If they didn't ask for my help?"

"I think the same things would have happened, only James would be dead, too, and Nate would be raised in the mob with no one looking out for his best interests like you have."

"I've obviously not been doing a great job with that." Speaking a little calmer, the sniffling turned to muted, occasional tears, Emily finally looked at him. "I've put him in an environment where all he sees are unhappy adults and struggle. How is that in his best interest?"

"You're doing the best you can with what you were dealt. James' actions are not your fault. How he's acting is a result of his trauma and it's not fair that he put the blame on you."

"He asked me to take care of him, and I've tried, Hotch. Really. I have. I put everything into helping him get better. He has, but now, with the outbursts and the seizures… I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can keep putting Nate through this. I want him to know what happiness looks like, again. This isn't it."

"It's ok to admit that you can't do this. He shouldn't have asked you…" _Guilted you, _he corrected to himself. "Even the doctors said the rehab facility would be the better choice. He needed and now needs more constant care than you can give. There's nothing wrong with knowing that you can't give him that. Nate has done nothing wrong, and he needs you to be you. You're not you right now because you can't be. You're giving so much of yourself to taking care of everyone that you're burning out."

"I miss the old James," Emily admitted. "He was optimistic and fun. He made me laugh. We were… We were great together. This… this version of him is so far from what he used to be." She looked at Hotch with something akin to desperation. "I think I did this to him," she told him. "I made him this way."

"No. Stop…"

"You don't get it… It's like everyone I let in gets hurt. Everyone I try to help or protect, somehow, gets messed up. It can't be a coincidence, can it? Why?"

He didn't even know what to say.

"I just want to give up…" she sadly admitted. "I just… I can't do this. I don't know if I ever should have. I'm not good at this. I don't know how to be a mom and I don't know how to be a caretaker to a grown man with anger issues… How do I do this?"

"You don't have to. It's not on you, but don't doubt that you would and do make a wonderful mother. Nate's upset, but he loves you and he knows how good you have been for him."

"I don't think you get it. I'm a mess… I think I've always been a mess… You know… I've wanted kids… Now I know I'd have been terrible at it."

"Give yourself some credit."

"I haven't been good, Hotch. Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying. Everything you've done, you did with Nate in mind, thinking about what was best for him."

"And this… This _hell_ is what's best for him? Then shame on me. Shame on me for thinking I could ever be enough for him. I'm not enough. I can't do this."

"Emily. Right now, I think you're emotional and have been through a lot. Once you have a minute to really think about things, you'll see what an amazing woman and mother you are."

"I'm just so tired, Hotch. I'm so tired…"

"I –"

He wouldn't get a chance to finished. They heard the front door open and the frantic sounds of Penelope singing, "It's your birthday. It's your birthday… Happy, happy birthday to you."

"Emily?" JJ called out.

"Emily, my birthday girl. Where are you?" Penelope tried making her way deeper into the house until they found Emily on the ground and their boss right next to her.

"Is everything ok?" JJ asked, eyeing the scene.

Deep, shaky breath, Emily answered, "No… I'm sitting in a puddle… literally." She cry-laughed. "I need to change. Excuse me guys. I'll be right back."

Hotch offered her a hand and helped her up, no words exchanged. He gave the other women a look that told them not to ask her anything. He would explain.

"Ok," Penelope said as soon as they heard Emily's door close. "What the heck was that?"

"It's been a hard day for her… A hard few weeks."

"But… It's her birthday," Pen said like an innocent child.

"What happened?" JJ asked.

"I'll tell you all about it," he began.

The more he explained, the more concerned they grew. It wasn't like everyone wasn't already worried, but now Emily was visibly breaking down. Everything about her was screaming worn and beaten down. She was constantly on the go, doing this or that for everyone, and that left no time to look out for herself.

"We have to do something," JJ said.

"I think we need to confront her like we originally planned."

"But it's her birthday… We can't do it today," Penelope reasoned.

"Today is perfect," JJ said. "Everyone will be here. Us, her mom… Hell, even Clyde is coming."

"When they get here, talk to them. We have a few hours, I think, before James returns. Let's give Emily some time. I need to check on the boys."

"They're here?" JJ asked, wide eyed.

"Upstairs. Nate was around when James was yelling. I sent Jack to be with him when I saw Emily."

"Go. We'll finish cleaning and set up some things."

"Yeah. I'll go get the cake from the car. Everything will be taken care of."

"Great," Hotch said, a sad smile on his face. Emily had all these people, but she always felt she needed to do things alone. He was no different, but it was sad to see her like this. It was made worse by the fact that Nate was affected.

Nate's door was closed when he got there. Emily had told Hotch that she made it upstairs on occasion, more so now that she had more use of her knee, but really, for a while it was like Nate had his own floor to himself.

"Jack? Nate? I'm coming in."

"Ok," Nate mumbled.

"Hey. How are you doing?"

Nate shrugged, so Jack answered, "He's sad… and scared."

"Can I ask why, Nate? What happened?"

"Didn't Emily tell you?"

"Yes, but I want to hear what you think. Do you believe what your dad said?"

Angry, Nate hissed, "He's not my dad. Not anymore."

"Hey. Take a minute. Relax, and then talk to me."

"Nate told me that his dad was yelling at him and Emily. He yells a lot, mostly at Emily. He's not happy with his dad."

"I don't think it's right, but Emily never yells back. Why doesn't she yell back?" Nate asked.

"Well," Hotch answered. "It's because she's a strong woman and knows that yelling back will only make the situation worse. She knows that your father is having a rough time, and he doesn't mean it."

"But it's terrible. He never used to yell. I don't like it. I don't like that he makes Emily feel bad, either. I don't like what he says."

"Want to tell me about what you heard today?"

"He said that Emily wanted him to get hurt so she could have me to herself," he quietly replied. "And that it was her fault my dad died, and he got hurt."

"Do you think that's true?"

"No," he firmly said. "Emily helped. I know she did. She got hurt too because she was trying to help. My dads didn't want to tell me everything that was happening, but I listen. I know that something bad was happening. Emily didn't do anything wrong. They got hurt because of me."

"That's not true. They got hurt because a bad man was after all of you. They tried to protect you from that, and, in turn, they got hurt."

"Emily told me the truth. She wanted me to know that there was danger, but that she would keep me safe, and she did. But I wish she didn't get hurt. I wish she was happy."

"I can tell you one thing, Nate. Emily is so happy to be in your life and to have you around."

"I'm happy she's around too," Nate said. "But I don't like the way my dad is with her…" _Or at all right now. _"Is it bad that I miss living with you?"

"No… I don't think it is. We miss you, too, Nate. Do you not like living here?"

"It's… I like the house, but it's not the same. My dad is different and being here is different. Emily has to work so hard to take care of me and my dad all the time, but when we were with you, she was happy. I was happy, too. Now it's hard. And I was mean to her."

"She was very hurt by what you said."

"I didn't mean it."

"I know. She knows it too, but I think she would like to hear that from you."

"I'll tell her."

The three talked a while longer. It was good for Hotch to hear all Nate was feeling. What was going on with him wasn't far off from what was going on with Emily. He was worried about her in the same way she was worried about him, only he couldn't shield Emily from the hurt like she was trying to do with him. Hotch smiled. Emily and Nate had that same protective nature. It was instinctual to always put others first. Listening to him talk so concerned for her was like hearing Emily talk about anyone important in her life.

"Is Emily's party going to be ruined?"

"No. We'll make the day special for her."

"I don't want my dad to yell at her anymore. She deserves a good day even if it started bad."

"I promise to keep your dad from doing anything that would upset anyone."

"I don't think you should promise that," Nate said. "Maybe just promise to try."

"Ok. I promise to try," Hotch assured. "How are you feeling? Any better?"

"Talking with Jack and you helped. Is Emily ok?"

"She will be Nate. I know she'd appreciate hearing everything you just told me, but she needs a moment to herself. If you're feeling up to it, let's go downstairs and see if we can help set up."

The boys nodded.

"My dad should be here soon. They only do an hour on Sundays."

"Don't worry about it, Nate. We'll make sure nothing happens. Emily will have a nice birthday."

She would. The party itself would be nice. When Emily finally came out of her room, everything was cleaned up and balloons were on the wall. There was a birthday banner hanging, and everyone had arrived.

Upon noticing her, there was a loud, collective, "happy birthday," with a lot of hooting and hollering.

It made her, temporarily, forget everything that happened. Kind of…

"Doing ok?" JJ asked when she caught Emily alone at the food table, picking at some of the snacks.

"Me? I'm fine. Just thinking that James should have been back by now."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, they called while you were in your room. The driver said they were running a little late. There was an accident on the road that caused a delay."

JJ lied. Hotch called the nurse and driver and asked if they could take their time getting back. He wanted to give Emily and Nate a little time to enjoy the party.

"Alright."

JJ waited to see if Emily would acknowledge what happened. She didn't. "Want to talk about what I walked in on earlier?"

"Not really."

"Later then," JJ said. "Never did get a chance to wish you happy birthday. Happy birthday." She hugged Emily.

"Another year older. Woohoo," Emily joked. "Where are the boys?"

"They'll be here soon with Will. Will's friend is in town and Will wanted Henry and Michael to meet him."

"Cool."

Emily went to go get a drink. Hotch handed her a mimosa, extra champagne. "It's five somewhere."

"Thanks. Keep them coming."

"You ok?"

She rolled her eyes. "I would be if I didn't hear that question again."

"We need to talk later. I chatted with Nate. There are some things you both should discuss."

"We will," she said. "Later. Because right now, I have an influx of people here and I need to try to enjoy this."

"Maybe actually enjoy it."

"I'll do my best." The front door opened. For a moment, Emily froze, thinking it was James. "I better greet everyone."

It was Will. Then came Clyde. Then her mother. Finally, James returned. He didn't apologize or say much at all. He quietly greeted Emily's friends, waving before asking to be brought into his room.

"Stay," Emily said. "Please, stay." She wanted them to have a good day without him hiding away. They needed to move on and show Nate that they were ok.

So, he stayed, but it was awkward for a while. Emily had yet to talk to Nate. She needed to. Nate was avoiding even looking at his father despite James' attempts to engage him. Eventually, James tried to slip away while cake was being served. Hotch followed him.

"Remember me?" Hotch asked.

He nodded.

"Good. We need to discuss how you've been treating Emily and your son."

"Not your business," James insisted.

"It is when I walk in on both of them crying." Hotch took a seat so he was level with James. "I know you are a good guy. The way Emily and Nate talked about you… They love you. But your loss and the attack, it changed you. You've been hurt, physically and emotionally. Now you have mood swings and personality changes because of your injury. But that doesn't excuse how you've been acting. Emily is worried sick about you and trying her best to keep things together for your family."

"I know."

"But you still treat her like that. She loves Nate. She loves him not just because she is his mother," James' micro-expressions and the way he squeezed his fist let Hotch know that he was unaware Emily told them that fact, "but because he is the boy you raised. Now, I know that you can't always help the way you act. It's not all your fault, but you guilted Emily into taking care of you here to spend time with Nate. How's that going for you?"

"Tough," he honestly responded. "Harder than I thought. Nothing is the same."

"I guess losing your husband hasn't helped either, which is why I'm not being harder on you."

"What's your point, here?"

"I know the doctors recommended a treatment facility. Emily declined because you wanted the chance to get better here, but all you're doing is getting worse."

James tried to interrupt.

"And it's not your fault. Like I said, I know that, but it doesn't change what's happening. You're not getting better here. Now you have seizures and outbursts. Emily is being pulled in every direction. Nate is acting out at school…"

James looked away, asking, "What do I do?"

"You need to answer a few questions for me."

He nodded again.

"Be honest. Are you happy?"

"No…"

"But you want to be?"

"Yes."

"And you want to do what's best for your son and Emily?"

"Of course."

"Well, to me that means doing the right thing, even if it's hard for you. I know you're a good guy. Even with the trauma, I choose to believe you can rise above your challenges and be the man they think you are, that you used to be, and who would never treat his family like you have."

James looked ashamed of himself.

"I don't want Nate to resent you and I don't want Emily to push herself to the point where she gets sick."

"Me either…"

"So, you have to stop blaming Emily. It's not her fault. None of this is. She put her life on hold, dropped everything, to fix a mess your husband created by lying. Yelling at her, blaming her in front of your son. That's not ok. Not at all. Now, you need to make a choice. Keep going the way you are, or do what you should have done before."

"What?"

"I know you'll figure it out," Hotch said. He couldn't tell him what to do beyond that, but he had to say what was on his chest. "Whatever happens next, I won't tolerate another episode the leads either Emily or Nate in tears. They don't deserve that."

Hotch walked away, allowing his words to sink in for James. James knew what Hotch was saying, but he wasn't ready to admit he was right. None of them were happy. He knew that, logically, but the pieces just weren't connecting in his head. What he did all the time, the outbursts and anger, that wasn't something he always realized he was doing. He just… He didn't know what to do. For now, all he could manage was staying away and giving Emily back her birthday.

Emily was starting to have fun. Everything was still weighing on her, but she was trying to be in the moment. Things really brightened up when Nate approached her.

"I'm really sorry, Emily."

"What for?"

"For what I said. I don't really hate you… I just – I was sad. I don't like when my dad yells at you and makes you feel bad. That makes me feel bad, too. You're so nice to him and he's always so mean. But I don't hate you. I want you to know that."

"I do know that but thank you for reassuring me."

"Remember when you said I can talk to you about stuff?"

"Yes. Of course. You can talk to me about anything."

"Well, I'm… I'm sad."

"Why?"

"I love my dad, and I love you, and I loved my other dad, too, but I don't like living here."

"You don't?"

"It was ok at first. I was scared around dad because I knew he was different than before. The brain thing, like you said, but then I was just happy to have him alive. I still am."

"Then what makes you sad? What changed?"

"He did," Nate said. "He yells all the time and treats you bad, but all you do is take care of us. My dad never yelled before and he always told me he loved me. Now he doesn't do that. We don't even talk or play. And now he has seizures and I'm scared that I might lose him. But… mostly, I'm scared I'll lose you, too, even if he gets better."

"I told you I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. But what if he hurts you? I saw him push you. That's not right. A boy's not supposed to hurt a girl."

"I'm sorry you saw that Nate."

"No…" Nate shook his head. "Dad should be sorry, but he never is. I just want him to get better, but he doesn't even try. We just pretend it didn't happen. That's not good."

"It's not. You're right."

"I miss being with Hotch and Jack. We had fun there and you weren't so stressed all the time."

"How do you know I'm stressed?"

"I'm nine, Emily, not stupid."

She laughed, brushing a stray lock off his face. "You are definitely not stupid."

"I want my dad to get better. He could, right?"

"Yes. If he tries really hard, he could."

"I want that. I want my dad back. The nice one."

"I know he'll do what he can to be there for you."

"Maybe…" He smiled as he remembered something. "I got you a present."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Hotch and Jack helped me pick it out." He reached for her hand and pulled her to the dining room where his present was waiting for her. "Here. Open it."

She carefully pulled at the wrapping paper, slipping a box out, and opened it. "Wow."

"Do you like it?"

"It's great, Nate. Thank you so much."

Inside was a simple gold necklace, but it was the charm that meant something.

"I picked the stars because you told me all about them. Remember?"

"I do, and I love it. I will put it on right now."

She couldn't have imagined a more perfect gift. It wasn't that it was jewelry or even that it was from Nate, but that it was something he put thought into. He picked it because the stars meant something to them. It could have been a piece of paper with a picture drawn on and it would have meant just as much because he did it, but she loved that she could wear it and feel close to Nate at all times.

She carefully slipped the necklace around her neck. "What do you think?"

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you, Nate. You didn't have to get me anything."

"You deserve something special. I wanted you to know that I love you."

"I love you too, Nate. So much."

They hugged and then someone called Emily's name.

"We should get back before they really miss us."

"Ok."

He still held her hand as they went. Both were unaware, but James overheard the whole conversation. He stayed away for the rest of the party, feeling sorry for himself.

Emily, however, was about to walk into a completely different party. She excused herself to go grab a drink, and when she returned, Will was gone with the kids, and everyone else was sitting around the living room with a lone chair across from them.

"This doesn't look like a party," Emily said as she walked in.

"We want to talk with you," Derek started for the group.

"Oh boy…" she said. "What's this about?"

"Have a seat," Clyde suggested.

"Mother, are you in on whatever this is, too?"

"I am…"

"Alright," she rolled her eyes and took the seat she assumed was hers, "Let's do this."

"You can't keep doing this, Emily."

"Doing what, Dave?"

"You have to learn when to ask for help and know when you can't do something alone."

"What kind of intervention is this?" she stubbornly asked.

It went on like this for a while. Each of them told her something along the lines of she needed to take better care of herself and stop letting James treat her so badly.

"I can't abandon him."

"No one's asking you too," Clyde said.

"Penelope and I," Elizabeth said, "held a place at the care facility the doctor recommended."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because we can't walk in on you upset or crying anymore," Spencer said.

"You gave up your life to help them," Hotch said.

"And I'd do it all again for Nate and James."

"I know. That's what makes you an amazing friend and amazing m –" He cut himself off. "Person, but you're not helping him by keeping him here."

"It was his idea, Em. You just went along with it. It's ok to admit you can't do it and help him get to where he needs to be."

"Guys… All of this is unnecessary," Emily told them. "I gave up a lot, and it's hard, but this is something only the three of us have a say in."

"We know, but we had to let you know we were worried about you and Nate and everything that has been happening."

"I don't want to ever have to see you like I did today, Emily," Hotch said. "So please consider it. It's not giving up by admitting it's too much."

"I'll think about it," she promised.

In the end, while the intervention could be considered a success, that wasn't what made Emily decide to do it. In the end, it wasn't up to her. James came to her while everyone was mingling. He looked contrite and sad, but he made himself do it.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "For everything."

"Thanks."

"You can't do it, can you?"

"Do what?"

"Tell me that I shouldn't have asked you to move in here and take care of us."

"I'm not going to say that."

"You should," he sadly said. "I need help, Emily. You're too good of a person to do it, but you need to. I can't keep doing this to you and Nate." Now it was his turn to cry. "You need to let me go."

"I'm not giving up, James. We can get through this."

"We can, but not with me here." He sniffled. "You need to do what you should have done. I need to go to the facility. Nate was right. I'm getting worse here. I'm dragging everyone down with me… The two most important people are suffering because of me."

"James…"

"Do it, Emily. Get me in there, and live a life that makes you and Nate happy while I fix myself."

"What are you saying, James?"

"I'm making the call for you. I need to go away. I need to give you your life back, and you need to learn to say no to people you want to help but can't."

"James… I'm not making you do this."

"You're not. I know what you gave up and… I'm sorry I didn't recognize that. Not just now, but back then too."

"James."

"No… Don't be sad. This is my gift to you. It's hard for us both, but it's what needs to be done."

He started twitching. The stress was getting to him.

"As soon as we can, I want to go," he said.

"Ok," she agreed. "Ok."

Emily stayed there, motionlessly as she absorbed what just happened. It all went so fast, from theory, to maybe, to happening. Elizabeth and Penelope had a spot reserved for James whenever he was ready, so he could go as soon as the next day, but they needed to talk to Nate first and explain.

So, he asked Emily to do that, saying he hurt Nate enough already.

"I'll pack," he said.

"Great, leave me with the hard job," she grumbled to herself before going to find Nate.

She pulled him aside and sat him down.

"Your dad has decided to go away for a little while so that he can get better." She cut right to the chase.

"What?"

"When your dad got out of the hospital, the doctors wanted him to go to a care facility that would give him his therapies and specialized care all the time. Your dad wanted to come here so he can be with you, but now, he thinks he should go there so he can get better."

"For how long?" Nate asked.

"I don't know. It depends on his recovery," she said. "His talking has gotten so much better, but sometimes it still doesn't make sense, and he still has trouble with some of his movements. The doctors there are going to help with that and try to help with his moods."

"So he won't be so mean?"

"I know he's going to try not to be."

"Will we still see him?"

"Yes," Emily promised. "The place is only about an hour away, so we can go visit during the weekend."

"It will help him?"

"I believe it will, Nate. But I also think it will help us. It's been hard, huh?"

"A little," he shyly stated.

"Yeah. For both of us, and for your dad too. He's sorry, you know. He understands that things haven't been easy, so now, he wants to give us space and just focus on getting better… On all of us getting better."

"I think… I think it will be good," Nate told her. "But I'll miss him."

"Me too, Nate. This will be good for him and us."

"Are we going to stay here after?"

"Umm… That's something we can talk about. One step at a time, though. I'm going to take your dad tomorrow."

"Am I coming?"

"You have school, Nate."

"Ok. But I get to say goodbye, right?"

"Yes. Of course. You'll see him before school, and I'll be back by the time you're done."

"Alright," he nodded. "He is going to get better?"

"Yeah… He is." And so were they. She could already feel some of the weight lifted and relief setting in. "Go spend some time with him. Don't be angry about what happened. Don't worry about what comes next. Just spend some time with him and help him pack some of his things."

Nate agreed and went in search of his father while Emily found herself plopped down on the couch with some of her friends.

"Some party, Darling," Clyde said.

"It sure wasn't like any I've been to before," Emily agreed.

"You needed help and you never called."

"Clyde, don't take it personally. You have done a lot for me, but now you're thousands of miles away. I can't just pull you away from your life whenever I have a hangnail."

"A hangnail, no, but when you're falling apart, the least I expect is a phone call or a returned message."

"Next time."

"Let there be no next time," Clyde said, holding up his beer.

Everyone seemed to join in. "Here, here."

For a short time before the party broke up, it was nice for Emily to just talk with them about things other than medical issues and bad guys… Though there was one particular bad guy Hotch had some news about… _It can hold,_ he thought. Emily was finally relaxing, so everything else could wait.

But, as promised, the party wouldn't last all day and it wasn't up to Emily to clean. So, the rest of them went around, picking up and putting food away while Emily, who tried to help, was relegated to the couch.

"Stay put," they told her.

Sometimes that was easier said than done, but she managed it. She was content in the moment, if not a little worried about James and how he would handle being at the rehab center tomorrow. Nate and Elizabeth were helping him pack.

Nate, though, disappeared with Henry and Jack for a little while too. The house was, maybe for the first time, a good quiet. No fighting, no yelling, no throwing… Just quiet. She felt like she could breathe.

Later, however, things would liven up again. Emily was minding her own business, trying to help a little while no one was watching, when her mother came into the room.

Elizabeth sat down next to Emily and the two talked a bit.

"Emily, may I ask you something?" Elizabeth asked once there was a natural lull in their talk.

"Go ahead."

"I know that a lot of what James says these days, especially after a seizure, doesn't make sense, but he mumbled something as I was helping him gather some of his things that made me curious."

"What did he say?"

"He said that, well what I believe he said was that you're Nate's mother… Now, I may be digging too deeply, but he didn't just mean that you are just acting as Nate's mother right now, did he?"

Emily was unprepared for that question.


	32. Truth

You get this one early because I'm trying to avoid rewriting an entire protocol for work by editing chapters. Enjoy

**Chapter 32: Truth**

"Emily, may I ask you something?" Elizabeth asked once there was a lull in their talk.

"Ok. Go ahead."

"I know that a lot of what James says these days, especially after a seizure, doesn't make sense, but he mumbled something as I was helping him gather some of his things that made me curious."

"What did he say?"

"He said that, well what I believe he said was that you are Nate's mother… Now, I may be digging too deeply, but he didn't just mean that you are just acting as Nate's mother right now, did he?"

Emily was unprepared for that question.

"Damn it, James…" Emily harshly whispered. "Mom…"

More firmly, almost desperately, Elizabeth prodded, "What did he mean, Emily?"

She had her inclinations. She had them for some time. There were hints and little things that pointed Elizabeth in this direction, but she needed Emily to say it. She needed Emily to confirm it.

Meanwhile, just out of sight in the room behind them, cleaning up the party, was the entire team, Clyde and all, there and able to hear the whole thing. When they heard Elizabeth's question, they looked to each other, gaging reactions. Most of them were wide-eyed or slack jawed. It wasn't that there weren't clues, but most of them missed it.

Hotch and Spencer looked surprised that it was coming out, but both noticed neither looked surprised by the possibility.

"I knew it," Penelope yelled.

"You did?" JJ asked.

"Well… I suspected. I found files…" Penelope shrugged.

"You guys knew," Derek huffed, looking at Spencer and Hotch.

They didn't respond, instead, looked to each other before they were interrupted.

In the living room, Emily and Elizabeth didn't get any further in their conversation. They could hear loud whispering and Penelope's jovial voice above all else.

Emily sighed. "I guess I have some explaining to do."

"I would think so," Elizabeth said.

Emily nodded and loudly spoke, "You guys can come in. No need to eavesdrop."

Guiltily, her friends came into the room. Emily motioned for them to sit, but asked Hotch, who already heard the story, to head upstairs with the boys and make sure that Nate was nowhere around.

Emily told them she would talk and then they could ask questions. She knew, inevitably, they would have some. Hell, to that day, she still had some, both for James and herself.

"Where do I start?" Emily asked herself more than the group. "As you know, James and I were once very, very close."

"Skip to the good parts," Penelope said, not intending it to be rude.

"I think, what Garcia is trying to say," Dave corrected, "that we know who James is and know about your relationship. What we would like to know more about is how Nate came to be."

"A lab," Emily plainly stated. "James and Vince wanted kids, but they wanted a donor they knew, someone who they could go to if they had questions about medical history or whatever… I think they just wanted someone they could trust… Someone that they knew and could picture the baby with. Vince wasn't sold on it being me, but James pushed for it. Vince and I didn't always get along. That's something to keep in mind here."

"Go on," Clyde encouraged.

"I was," she sought for the right words to describe it. "I was surprised when they asked me; honored, but surprised. I remember asking why me and James said that there was a lot of talking between him and Vince that led them to me. I was someone he loved and trusted and then he got to talking about what he saw when he thought about our child… One that was half me and half him or Vince and all the qualities it may have. Smart and funny, protective and stubborn… I got pulled in."

She smiled and laughed a little mockingly at herself and her naivety.

"So, you did it?" Dave asked to pull her back into the conversation rather than her own thoughts. "But you weren't the surrogate?"

"I did donate but wasn't the surrogate. They went with me to the doctor, I got checked out and was declared a great donor."

They asked questions about the logistics, about how she donated and all that. Emily kept it simple saying that she was given hormone injections that she had to give herself every day for a few weeks and then one last trigger shot before they harvested eggs.

"But you haven't been in his life? Have you?" Elizabeth asked.

"No," she answered.

Everyone could hear the sorrow in it. Elizabeth, though the answer didn't make her happy, was a little relieved by it. She was relieved to know that Emily wasn't helping to raise the child and just keeping her in the dark. Still, her heart broke for her daughter and what she must have been feeling.

"Em…" Derek started. "We've all known you a long time."

"Yeah," she said.

"And I think we know you pretty well."

Agreeing with Derek, she replied, "I think so too."

"But I don't understand that… I don't see you ever agreeing to do this without more involvement." He knew Emily enough to know that she wouldn't go into this arrangement blindly. She wouldn't go in knowing she would rarely, if ever see Nate again.

"Things were… Complicated."

"Aren't they always, Darling?" Clyde added. Emily shot him a look.

"What I mean is… Well, when I agreed to do it, James promised me I could be as involved as I wanted to be. I knew I wouldn't be his mom, but I could be his cool aunt or something."

"But you weren't…"

_Way to state the obvious, Mother,_ Emily thought. "No. I wasn't."

"So… What happened?" JJ asked. Something had to have happened.

Emily explained about Heather's first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. "After that, I went away. I got offered the position with JTF-12," she looked to Clyde, "And accepted it."

Curiously, Penelope asked, "Where does Nate fit in?"

Emily looked to Spencer, the only one in the room who knew most of the story already.

"Long story short, I was met with quite the surprise when I got home after Doyle."

Clyde gave her questioning eyes. That explained why she never mentioned him in the years they worked together.

"You didn't know about him?" Derek was irate. Classic Derek.

Eyes down, Emily sighed and shook her head. "Not at first."

"Those assholes," Derek forcefully said.

When she saw the disbelief and sadness on her mother's face, Elizabeth clearly wondering if she misjudged the man she considered part of the family, Emily knew she had to give more details.

"In their defense," Emily started, "I was pretty unreachable doing undercover work." She failed to mention that very few attempts were made to get in contact, despite what James had said.

"Don't defend them. That's messed up."

"I'm not saying that it's not, just that it's not black and white."

"Alright," Dave stepped in. "We can look past that for now. You did learn about him, obviously. How old was he?"

"A little over a year old."

Emily's smile just grew, and they could all see she was remembering it. They couldn't help but smile with her.

"He was an amazing little boy. Still is."

"What happened?" Clyde asked.

"You mean why haven't I been in his life?"

Clyde nodded.

"We're definitely wondering that," JJ added.

Emily took a deep breath. She didn't want to make James and Vince look like bad guys. She blamed them for a while, but perspective made her see that she, guilelessly, thought she knew what she was getting into, but didn't and got too involved.

"I was so nervous, but so excited to meet him for the first time, and it went so well. He took to me so easily."

_Just like now,_ Spencer thought.

"He was an easy baby, toddler, I guess. I asked a little about how he was as a baby, but I only know a little."

"You fell in love with him, didn't you?" JJ asked, knowing what it was like to have that bond with your child. Emily may not have given birth to him, but because she was so involved in the process and probably a little out of it after returning to the states, really just knowing the person Emily was, she knew Emily would instantly become connected.

"Of course. I loved him when he was just a concept. And then I nervously held him for the first time and I gave him that stuffed dog and he gave me a slobbery kiss… I never wanted to let him go."

She absolutely didn't want to and never would have if she had a choice.

"I spent every chance I could with him, getting to know him, taking him to the park. Whatever I could do, I wanted to. It was… It was new and exciting and scary, but so amazing. He was this tiny little boy that was part me." She wanted to say "mine," but Nate wasn't hers.

"Help me out here, Emily. I'm trying to understand, but I don't know how you went from that to nothing… no contact." Derek could see things were going well in the beginning. Something had to change.

"I'm getting to that."

"Please continue," Elizabeth encouraged, her hand gently, tentatively, reaching for Emily's.

"I was in his life for a few months. I don't think James minded, but it caused some tension between him and Vince."

"Vince didn't like it?"

"No. He wasn't thrilled about me being around. If I'm honest, I think that they chose to try for a baby when they did knowing that I wouldn't be there for a while. They knew I would be out of touch. Anyway, I was around for Christmas. By then, Vince had enough of me. Every time I was around, I could feel him staring at me, and not in a good way," _like he was plotting to kill me._ "He hated that Nate liked me. Vince believed that when I was around, all Nate wanted was me. I don't think that was true, but Vince had his insecurities, like Nate would love me more because, in their family, the one thing Nate didn't have was a mom."

"So, that's it? They just cut you off?"

"James allowed that?" Elizabeth asked.

"Not just yet. Like I said, I was there for Christmas Eve. It was a great day. I brought tons of presents, helped Nate prepare for Santa, and read to him. I honestly thought that was going to be one of the best Christmases I've ever had." _Boy was I wrong,_ she thought.

"Oh no," Garcia whined. "What happened?"

"Baby monitors…"

"What?"

"Vince was listening on the baby monitor when I put Nate down for a nap. Nate was, _is_, a loving kid and I think he loved me then, so sometimes he clung to me. He was half asleep and I was singing him a lullaby. He loved when I sang to him." Emily took a moment to breath and think. What happened was one of the happiest moments of her life that turned into one of the hardest times she had to face.

"Are you ok?" Elizabeth asked her daughter, worried when she saw the hint of tears.

"I'm fine." But she wanted to speed to the end, so that was what she tried to do. "Nate called me mama and Vince heard. That was the end of it. He freaked out and I was pretty much cut off from then on. They moved and I took the job at the BAU."

"I'm sorry," Dave said, speaking for all of them.

"That must have been so hard."

Not really wanting to talk about her years of ignoring the hurt she felt and how much she wished to be a part of Nate's life during that time, Emily stated, "I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't. It was terrible for me, but Nate had a happy life without me. That was all that mattered. I got updates and photos, but I didn't spend time with him again until this happened."

They tried to get her to talk more about what she was feeling, but she really didn't want to. It had already been a long and emotional day full of ups and downs. If she opened that door, she could very easily crumble under it all. She had more than enough for one day. But they weren't completely done with their questions. They had more they wanted to know, and Emily obliged as best she could.

"Does Nate know?" Dave asked.

"No… He doesn't and he won't find out from any of you," Emily warned, looking specifically at her mother. Of all of them, her mother would be the most emotionally invested. He was her grandson.

"Of course not," they all agreed.

"If and when the time is right, James and I will talk to him about it."

They had no reason to convince her otherwise, though they all wished Nate knew and Emily might get the chance to truly be his mother. It wasn't their place. They understood that. They could also see the toll the day was taking on Emily. She looked ready for it to be over.

"I hope you don't feel offended that I hadn't told you about him before."

"We don't," Rossi answered for them.

"No," JJ confirmed, "We get it. I can't imagine how hard it was for you."

They all shared the sentiment. Did they wish they had known? Yes. They wish they could have helped her deal with the emotional toll and pain, but they understood that keeping it locked away was how she survived. It was how she got through so much of her life.

"Now, I thank you all for coming, and I don't want to be rude, but it's getting late and I'm drained. I can't fathom having another conversation like this tonight, so I think this party is officially over."

It had been over for some time by then, but they understood what she meant. Now it was over, as in time to go.

"You want us to finish cleaning? I promised we would," Penelope said.

"No. Don't worry about it. Most of it is done. I can finish."

They tried to offer to help and then leave, but Emily was insistent. They had a lot to do to get James ready to go and she just needed the day to end. So, they got ready to go. Hotch came back down with the boys and one by one they all left. Clyde told her that they needed to talk soon as did Hotch. Emily nodded and promised she'd call them both after getting James settled tomorrow. That satisfied them.

Penelope and Elizabeth were the last to go.

"Mother, I'm sure you want to talk about things more, but let's save it, ok? Maybe we can get together later in the week."

"Absolutely Dear," Elizabeth told her, her hand reaching to cup Emily's cheek, "Just know I think it was an incredibly selfless and wonderful thing that you did."

Lip practically quivering as she held back the remnant emotions, Emily said, "Thanks, Mom."

Elizabeth kissed Emily's cheek and gave Nate a hug that was just a little tighter and a little longer than she ever had before. She had her suspicions, Emily left her some breadcrumbs, but now they were confirmed. She had a grandson. Once she was gone and Nate said bye to Penelope, Emily sent him to check on James.

Penelope was happy it was just the two of them for a minute. "This explains so much, you know."

"Does it?"

"Definitely. Now I look at him and can't see why no one saw it before."

Emily just smiled.

"There are still some eggs…" Penelope said.

"What?" Emily was confused. What did she mean?

"Your eggs at the clinic. There are still some there."

"How do you know this?"

"Oh, Emily… Don't you know not to ask those silly questions by now?"

"I guess not."

"I'm just saying… You could always use them… you know, if you wanted another chance. I think you're a great mother to Nate and maybe another one wouldn't be so bad."

"Thanks for saying that Pen, but, I think I'll hold off. I doubt they're still any good and they aren't really mine anymore."

"You'd be surprised," she told Emily, pulling out some Reid-like statistics on success rates and viability.

A little taken back by all the research her friend did, Emily responded, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Alright. We'll get together soon. Happy birthday."

"Thanks. Drive safely."

Closing the door behind her friend, Emily leaned her back against it, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She just wanted to clear her head. _One less secret to bare… One less pain to suffer alone… _

"Are you ok?" Nate asked, startling her.

"I'm fine," she calmly and quietly responded. "How's your dad?"

"He's ok. I think he's sad, but he told me this is for the best. He wants to get better for himself and for me so that he can be a better dad."

"He told you that?"

"Yeah…"

"It's going to work out, Nate. We'll visit and talk with him all the time."

"I know. I'm not worried." _Mostly… _

"Ok. Good. We can talk more about it in the morning."

"Want me to help clean?" Nate asked.

"Please," she said, grinning and thinking that he was such a good kid. "Just take the trash out. Garbage day tomorrow."

"Ok."

"Then go get ready for bed, please."

He nodded and went to collect the garbage while Emily went to see James. As soon as the man saw her come into his room, he knew she wasn't happy with him.

"I'm sorry," James said. "I didn't know you didn't tell her."

"Why in the world would you think I'd tell my mother about that? Nate hasn't been in my life. Why would I dangle the grandchild carrot in front of my mother knowing she'd likely never reach it?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Yeah…"

"No… I'm sorry…" _About keeping Nate from you. About inflicting pain and sorrow on your life when you've been a godsend. _

"Let's not talk about anything right now. The night nurse should be here in about an hour, Nate's getting ready for bed, and I'm tired. Do you need anything?"

He shook his head.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?"

"No… But I have what I need," he answered.

"Alright. Garcia set everything up and informed the center that we'll be there. I'll wake up early to make sure you have everything you need. I figured we could both take Nate to school and then go from there."

Getting his approval, Emily said goodnight, and went to finish cleaning. By the time she was done, the nurse had arrived, Nate was already in bed, and she was ready for it too. Beyond ready. It was earlier than their normal bedtimes, but it was an eventful day.

Emily showered and changed for bed. She laid there just thinking. So much had happened in under twenty-four hours. She was questioning how the hell it all happened. And even though it felt like she had been up for days and some of her stress was gone, she couldn't sleep.

"Ugh," she groaned into her pillow. "I just want to sleep."

Soon, the groaning into the pillow turned into bargaining with whatever higher power might be listening to just let her sleep… It didn't happen and, despite her many attempts, she was still awake when her alarm went off.

"What the hell," she moaned, forcing herself out of bed and to the kitchen.

She made an extra strong pot of coffee and waited for the brew, almost hypnotized by the drip, drip, drip going into the carafe. She sat down with her extra tall mug and sipped on it trying to wake up a little. It didn't work like she hoped, but the day had to get started.

The nurse was let off shift before Emily went to wake Nate.

"Come on, champ. Breakfast is on the table. Time to get up."

"Five more minutes," he grumbled.

"Not if you want a little extra time with your dad," she said.

"Fine. I'm up."

"Good." Emily waited for him to move. He didn't. "Now really get up."

A low growl, he threw his legs off the side of the bed and stood. "Up," he claimed.

"I can see that. I'm going to wake your dad and meet you at the table."

He nodded and sleepily brushed passed her. Seemed like it was a long night for all of them.

James, however, was already up when she went to see him. She told him that she made breakfast and they could all eat together before they left. When he agreed, she helped him out of bed and into his chair. Her upper arms had really gotten a workout lately.

"Thanks," James said, showing true gratitude for her help.

It was a simple word, a small gesture, but it was the first time he thanked her for that kind of help and the only time she believed it. She didn't acknowledge it past offering a smile, but she was happy to hear it.

The three sat down to breakfast with no arguments among them, no raised voices, and nothing being thrown. It was probably one of the only times that happened since James' language and motor skills had improved enough that he could do things on his own.

Instead, they had an enjoyable meal talking about what came next. Emily explained how the day would go.

"The rehab center is expecting you sometime this morning," she said.

She added some information about the facility, telling them that he would have every single type of therapy known to man available to him and that there were neurologists on staff that were equipped to find the best treatment for his seizures. In hopes of keeping things cordial, she didn't mention that there were also behavioral specialists that could help with his personality shifts and psychologists on staff to help with the trauma. That was something all of them had yet to deal with.

"You're really going to get better, Dad," Nate said. He was happy. Sure, he would miss his dad, but he was happy that he was going.

"I will," James agreed.

"We should get ready," Emily said, breaking up the moment. "The driver will be here in a half hour."

They silently nodded. Nate went to dress and get his stuff together for school while Emily cleared the table and then helped James dress.

"Looking forward to doing this on my own again," he said when she helped him with his pants.

"You'll get there."

She could see that he genuinely wanted to get better. He realized the toll he had put on Emily and Nate and didn't want that anymore.

"Your speech has come pretty far, even with the seizures."

"Stutter," he said.

"You do, but even when you don't say things perfectly, we understand you. That's a lot better than where it started. Now you're going somewhere with the best care and it will be better. I know you will."

He pursed his lips into a tight smile and nodded. He wanted to believe that too, and she was trying hard to sell it.

With James dressed and his clothes packed again, Emily went to get Nate. She asked him to keep his father company while she and the driver got things in the car.

Alone, Nate and James had a little heart to heart.

"Here," Nate said, passing his father a small bag. "It's for you to take with you."

"What is it?" James asked.

"Something to remember me and Emily."

"I couldn't forget you."

Nate shrugged.

"Open?"

"Later," Nate said. It was just some pictures of all three of them and a small stuffed animal that looked like Patch, plus a drawing or two. "In your new room."

"Ok."

James looked at his son, seeing how much older he seemed. All he had been through really made him much more mature than most nine-year-olds, he thought. Most of that was his fault. He wouldn't change a thing when it came to his son, but he wished that he fought as hard as Emily had to give him a normal, stable life in one place. It took him years to make the argument with Vince. Now he could see that he should have made it sooner. His son was happy, a different kind of happy than he had been in the past because he experienced things he never had before.

"Nate. I love you," James said, carefully putting a shaky hand on his son's shoulder.

"I love you too, Daddy."

"While I'm gone, take care of Emily, ok?"

"I will," he promised.

"And let her take care of you."

"I'll be good."

"I know you will."

Emily came in and asked if everyone was ready. The car was packed, and it was time to go. Everyone was as ready as they'd ever be. That was where they all were emotionally. Doing what needed to be done no matter how they felt, because they knew it was the best option. They were sad James was going and they were sad that he was different than he used to be, but they were happy he was getting help, though, sad again that he'd be away when they only just got him back.

It all made for a quiet car ride. Emily sat in the front while they took Nate to school so the Hadley boys could have a little time to talk or just be without her in their immediate space. Not much was said, but Emily noticed that Nate held his father's hand the whole ride, only breaking contact when they stopped in front of the school.

Nate looked to his dad then and practically jumped on him, squeezing him with love. "Please get better," he whispered in James' ear.

"I will," James promised. "And remember what I said. I love you Nate."

"Love you too, Dad."

Sadly, Nate got out of the car, Emily right behind him telling him to have a good day. "I'll make sure he's comfortable and safe there," she said.

"I know."

"I'll pick you up after school."

"Alright." He hugged her too and Emily reciprocated.

"See you later," Emily bid adieu with a wave and got back in the car, this time taking Nate's place next to James.

He smiled at her but didn't say anything yet. What was there to say? Honestly, the quiet felt like old times when it was perfectly fine to just be in each other's company without forced talk or interaction. They could just sit there and be comfortable.

There were a few times along the way when James sighed, worried a little about the future and if he could recover. He was going there to have the best shot and take some of the pressure off his family, but it wasn't a sure thing. Feeling his worry, Emily took his hand just as Nate had to assure him things would work out. He wanted to believe her.

"We're here," Emily said, squeezing his hand.

He sucked in a deep breath and waited for help out of the car.

The staff was there to greet them and help with his things before getting him set up in his room. Everyone was warm and welcoming. They took a tour of the facility and went over his schedule.

"Today, we'll take it easy," the man said. "You'll settle in and are free to explore. The doctors assigned to your case will come and greet you, but you're not obligated to take part in any activities today unless you want to. If you do, you're more than welcome. There's a call button in your room. If you hit it, a nurse will be right in."

They listened and took everything in, but they were happy to be left alone again. Emily helped James unpack and told him that if there was anything he needed he could always ask her. She told him that she left a cell phone in his bag so he could reach her or talk to Nate. Part of his therapy was using a cell phone like device to type and work on the fine motor functions and alternative communication.

"We'll be apart, but that doesn't mean we're abandoning you. If you're feeling lonely or just want to talk, use it," she told him.

"I will."

She went back to setting up the room before she came upon the bag Nate gave to him.

"Are you going to open it?"

He shrugged and stuck his hand in, pulling out a few frames. Emily, who was sitting next to him.

"I always loved this picture," Emily said, her finger brushing against the glass where Nate's face rested. It was the same photograph that Nate recognized Emily from, Nate and her when he was a toddler. "But this one… Look at how handsome you all look." She reached for a second photo, one of Nate, Vince, and James all dressed up. "Where were you going?"

"Party," James answered. "For Vince."

Emily saddened, thinking of Vince and what James must have been feeling. "We didn't get along often, but he was a handsome man and he sure makes handsome kids. Doesn't he?"

"Yeah," he said, wistfully.

"I'm sorry that he's gone James."

"Not your fault," he told her. "Sorry I said it was."

"Sometimes I wonder… If I could have helped you both and still gotten Nate out of there. I wish I tried."

"No," he firmly said. "You couldn't. You saved Nate."

"Maybe."

"You did." This time, he initiated it, taking her hand. "Thank you for saving him."

"I would… I would give up everything for him. I'd give my life for him."

He knew that was true. He could feel the love whenever she looked at Nate and any time she was around him. That made him feel guilty; guilty for keeping Nate from having that unconditional love in his life and guilty for keeping Emily from experiencing his life the way he promised.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Emily smiled, showing that she accepted his apology already. "You already said that."

"No, for leaving… For keeping you from Nate."

This surprised her. "I… I don't want to talk about this now."

"Ok. But sorry."

"Fine." As much as she wanted to tell him it was ok, hearing sorry didn't feel enough, even more so now that she knew what she was missing. Years, she was hurt by it. Sorry didn't make it right.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, James. I still do… But I hope you find some more of yourself soon."

"Me too." He squeezed again. "Go home. Take care of Nate."

"I can stay for a while longer."

"Go. Be happy, Emily. You're doing a good job with him."

She would take that compliment. "I love him."

"I know. Go. Be there when he gets home. I'll be ok."

"You will. We'll come visit next weekend."

"No… Wait. Give me time."

Surprised, she asked, "What?"

"Don't come… Not until I'm better."

"But what about Nate? Nate's going to want to see you and I know you want to see him."

"When I'm better. I need to be better for him."

"James."

"Go, Em. Go. Be happy with him."

"You sound like you're giving up, not trying to get better."

"I promise I'm trying."

All he wanted was for Nate to keep having the life that he deserved. Right now, that was with Emily. So, he made her promise that she would hold off coming with Nate.

"Ok…" she said. What was she supposed to say?

Then he, again, told her to go. This time she listened. She left and headed home where Clyde was, without her knowledge, waiting on her.


	33. The Next Step

**Chapter 33: The Next Step **

"Damn it, Clyde," Emily hissed, alarmed when she saw the lone figure in the living room. _At least it's day this time. _"Why do you keep doing this?"

"It's fun," he teased. "You didn't answer my calls."

"I've been busy today," she told him.

"Yes, well, Darling, I am on my way back to London shortly, so I'm afraid there is no other time to do this."

"You know I love seeing you, Clyde, but seriously, this better be important."

"I believe it is. Please sit. You look tired and I don't wish to catch you if you fall. I'd rather you not damage yourself further."

"Well, thanks so much Clyde," she said, throwing herself down on the couch next to him. "What's going on? What has you lurking?"

"I never lurk."

"No, you just break and enter."

"I had a key."

"What?" She jumped from her relaxed position. "How did you get a key?"

"We're spies, Darling. Must you ask?"

"Guess not. Well, then tell me why you're stealing keys and showing up here."

"We have to discuss London."

"I should have known this was coming." Emily sighed. "Tell me."

"You've been gone for months, Love. I know you're taking medical leave and I've extended it as long as I could, but the team needs a leader. I've stepped in as a temporary liaison, but a lot of questions have been asked amongst your team and I have a job of my own to attend to."

"You've been called away?"

He nodded. "I'm aiding a taskforce. That's all I can say."

"Ok… So what do you need from me?"

"An honest answer," he said, meeting her eyes and putting his hand on her good knee. "I know you've gone through so much and your life has drastically changed, but the question remains. Do you believe you'll be coming back?"

"I…" She didn't know. She honestly didn't know.

"I feared that would be the answer."

"Clyde, I didn't give an answer."

"And that is the answer. Is it not?"

"I don't know, Clyde."

"Well, here is what I have to offer. Should you decide to come back, they would like you there as soon as possible."

"I'm not field ready."

"No, but you can man a team and give orders. Which is why there is some pressure here…"

"I can't just say yes, Clyde. You know that."

"I do. Look, you have until you get official clearance for desk duty to decide, but after that, you have a choice to make, and I don't see you not getting clearance soon if not already."

He wasn't wrong. At her last appointment, she was told she would be able to take the brace off and start light jogging again. She would need a new, smaller, and more specialized brace for exercising, but she would be able to drive and walk normally. She had clearance, basically. Definitely had it for desk duty.

"Tell me you'll think about returning and we can end this discussion. I don't expect a yes now, or any answer at all, just a promise that you'll consider your options."

"I promise, Clyde. It's time I start figuring some things out."

"Good. Now that that's out of the way, may I treat you to a late lunch before the young Mr. Prentiss –"

"Hadley," Emily corrected.

"Ok, young Mr. Prentiss-Hadley returns from school."

"I'd like that."

Clyde stood and held out a hand for her to take, pulling her up from the couch. He took her to a nice restaurant they used to frequent back in the day when they were both in the DC area. Emily appreciated the sentiment, and he was good company. It was nice to have an adult conversation that wasn't about what happened either in the recent or far past.

Instead, he caught her up on the happenings in London, about the word around the office and the many well wishes that he was asked to pass along from her colleagues.

"Everyone misses you."

"I miss them too."

"I will be sure to pass that along as well as your thanks."

"Good doggy," Emily joked. "You're heading back tonight?"

"Yes, in a few hours."

"Back to London?"

"Shortly. For a day or two before I move along."

"You're a true wanderer, Clyde."

"We both used to be." _Though maybe not so much anymore. _"I've been spending more and more time in one place. It's a new, but enjoyable experience."

"I've learned that," she responded. "Setting roots."

"I wouldn't go that far, but I haven't hated it."

"That's a start. And London is a wonderful city."

"I'm inclined to agree. Now, we have eaten, and I believe we have a little more time before you need to pick up your son."

"Clyde," she said. She didn't want them to start calling him her son so openly for two main reasons: one, Nate had no idea and she didn't want him learning that because her friends wanted to play with her, and two, she didn't want it to stick. She didn't want to start referring to him as her son at every occasion and then lose him when James eventually recovered and took him back. While she was insistent, now, that she would never be removed from his life completely, she didn't want to call herself his mom just to be relegated to a lesser role.

"I apologize. To the point, you have a little time. Would you like to go for a stroll?"

"I'd like that."

He took her to a spot nearby that wouldn't give her knee too much trouble. They spent a half hour casually walking the garden path. It was like old times, Clyde telling Emily about his latest dating disaster. Usually, it was her who had the bad dates and he who charmed the pants off everyone, so it was nice to see the shoe on the other foot for once.

"Are you ever going to settle down?" Emily asked him.

"Are you?" He countered.

"Never know."

"Same for me, Darling."

"We should get going."

He put his arm out for her to take and escorted her to the car. The driver dropped Clyde off at his hotel, Emily giving him a big hug.

"We'll talk soon," he said.

"I'll call you, and I'll think about what we discussed."

"I'm looking forward to it already. Don't worry about anything. You're free to live your life." He kissed her cheek and opened the car door up for her again. "Goodbye."

His words not completely making sense, she said, "Bye. Travel safe."

The driver took off once Clyde was behind hotel doors, taking Emily to Nate's school. Thankfully, Nate had no afterschool activities on Mondays, so they were able to go straight home.

"How was school?" Emily asked once they drove off.

"Good."

"Got homework?"

"Not too much. A little. I need to do a book report."

"Do you have a book picked out?"

"Not yet. It's library day at school tomorrow, so we have to pick one then and Miss Vera has to approve."

"I'm sure you'll find a great book."

"Yeah."

"Your dad loved the gift you gave him. Did you take the pictures that were in your room?"

He nodded. "That's ok, right?"

"It's more than ok. We can get new frames and print new pictures for you if you want."

"Cool. I just wanted Dad to have something to remind him of us."

"I think that's very sweet of you, Nate. I helped him hang your drawings and he put the photos right by his bed."

"Does he like it there?"

"I think he's going to need some time getting used to it, but he's comfortable and being well-taken care of."

"We'll visit him soon?"

"He needs a little time to focus on his rehab. The doctors said we should wait a little while so he can adjust to being away before we visit."

Nate's head bowed. "He doesn't want us to come, does he?"

"Not right now," Emily admitted, her voice as pained as Nate looked. "But he will, Nate."

"You don't know that," he stated.

"I think I do, Nate, because I know how much he loves you and how sad he is to be away, but I also know that he feels bad for all he put us through, so he wants to get better before we see him again. We can still talk to him."

"It's not the same," he wanted to say, but held his tongue, opting, instead, to just shrug.

"Hey, in the meantime, you have me and a huge group of family that love you just as much as I do."

"Yeah," he said and smiled. He did like that Emily's friends were like family and treated him just the same.

Emily managed to swing the conversation in a different direction, mentioning plans for the evening and what the rest of the week had in store for them. Emily was going to be returning to her physical therapy and trying to push forward in her recovery but was going to try and plan the appointments during the day while he was at school or during his activities.

Nate was very chill about everything, including his father's leave. Emily didn't know if that was a good thing or not, but she was going with the flow and would react accordingly if she saw red flags. She wasn't too worried because she had come to know Nate's way of dealing with things, but she wanted to keep an eye on him anyways.

Over the next few days, he was a little quieter than she was used to, like he was giving her the cold shoulder but nicer. He wasn't mean, he didn't act out, and he was still clingy, but he was in a constant state of thought. There was nothing wrong with how he was acting, but there was something on his mind. She assumed it had to do with James, so she gave him the updates she got from the doctors and got Nate his own phone so he could text or call his father as well as have it in case of emergency.

That seemed to help a little, but he was still glued to her side and always thinking. She tried to ask about it, but he said there was nothing going on, just thinking about his schoolwork. She wanted to believe him, but it seemed like more. She put off making it a bigger deal because he needed time to deal, there were other things they needed to discuss, and she had things on her mind too.

Toward the end of the week, after spending days trying to think of their options, Emily knew it was time to approach Nate about their living situation. There were some things she needed to consider, and she wanted to hear his thoughts on them all.

"Nate, come and talk to me."

"Alright," he said, putting his book down.

"I thought about what you asked, you know, about staying in this house, and I have a few options. I'd like to hear your thoughts."

"What are the options?"

"We can stay in this house if you are more comfortable here, but then, during winter break, you'll have to switch to this school district."

He seemed weary with that option and asked for the others. "What else?"

"If you'd like to stay in your school, we can try to find an apartment in that district. I don't know what's available, so it might take some time."

"I like that better. Can't we just stay with Hotch and Jack again?"

"We can't just invite ourselves to move into someone else's home, Nate."

"They're not someone else, they're Hotch and Jack. They didn't want us to leave in the first place."

"I think we should let them have their own space."

"But they liked having us there and we liked it too."

"Maybe so, but we can't make a decision based on what might be. We must think about the options we have. Right now, there are two. We can stay here, and you can switch to a school that's closer, or we can try to find something closer to your school."

He scrunched up his nose and wiggled his lips as he pondered things. He didn't really want to switch schools, and he wasn't sure he wanted to stay in the house, though he did wonder how that would make his dad feel. He wished they could stay with Hotch and Jack. He loved his fathers, that had nothing to do with what he was feeling, but with Hotch, Jack, and Emily in that apartment, it was the first time he felt settled. Even though it was a temporary home, he felt secure there.

Over the years, he loved moving around with his fathers because it was fun and adventurous, or they made it seem that way, but once he realized it was because they were running, he had a new perspective on it. It wasn't until staying with Emily, more so when they were with Hotch and Jack, that he felt completely still, in the best way. Of course, he wanted both his fathers there too, but he couldn't help the way he felt.

"You can take some time to think about it, alright?" Emily squeezed his shoulder. "We'll talk about it more after I do some research."

"Research on what?"

"Houses and apartments." _London…_

Perceptive as he was, he had questions about London too. "Emily, you don't have an accent, but you lived in London, right?"

"Yes. I worked – work – there."

"With Interpol."

"Exactly."

"Do you," he cleared his throat, "Do you have to go back there?"

"I… I don't know yet, Nate. My job is there, but I have a little time to decide, and whatever I chose, I'll make sure I do it with you in mind."

He nodded. "Do you want to go back?"

"I don't know. Don't worry about it right now. We both have some thinking to do about what we want to happen."

"Can I ask one more question?"

"Go ahead."

"Do you miss London?"

"Sometimes. I used to live all over the world, Nate. I lived wherever my mother was posted. When the chance came to move to London, I was hesitant because I knew I would be leaving behind people that I loved, but I was also excited to start over there."

"Start over?"

She couldn't explain to him that she was a bad guy magnet and had been hunted down and nearly killed a time or two, so she chose to respond, "I wanted a clean slate and I got one in London. I loved it there, though I missed everyone here."

"So, you kind of want to go back," he said.

"Maybe. I don't know. Which is why I'm going to think about it in the same way you need to think about what you want. For now, go finish up that book. Dinner will be ready in an hour."

"Ok."

They managed a quiet evening. Emily took the time to work on a few of her home exercises which included using the stairs more when she could. Nate sometimes walked behind her cautiously, hoping that he was strong enough to catch her if she fell. He was a worrier, something he inherited from all three of his parents.

"You really don't have to follow me up and down, Nate."

Stubbornly and very protectively, arms crossed over his chest, he said, "Yes, I do."

"Would it make you feel better if I stopped?"

He nodded.

"Alright. Get back to whatever you were up to. I'm going to make a call."

Emily eyed him as he went down the stairs just as he eyed her as he waited for her to do the same. He couldn't help it. He may have had a whole slew of emotions, some conflicting, where Emily was concerned, but he didn't want anything to happen to her. So, he watched and made sure she was careful or that he could, at least, help if something did happen.

"I'm sitting," Emily made a point of announcing as she took a seat at the table.

"Good girl," Nate yelled back.

Emily just rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone to call Hotch. She had been meaning to since the party but hadn't found the time. Either she was busy, or he was. They sent messages here and there, but nothing directly related to whatever he wanted to talk about. She missed having him in the room next door to bother with her mindless thoughts.

"Hey Hotch."

"Emily. How are you?"

"Good. I'm sorry I haven't called sooner, but you said you wanted to talk. You free now?"

"Actually, I was just about to call. I was hoping you'd do me a favor."

"Oh… What?"

"Well, I just got called for a case. There have been a series of abductions in Utah. The jet is being fueled but we leave in a couple of hours. Jessica can't take Jack. Do you think you can watch him? I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but if you want, you and Nate can stay at the apartment so you're closer to school and don't have to drive them…" he rambled on.

Emily stopped him, "You don't have to convince me, Hotch. I'd love to watch Jack and I think Nate would like it too. I can pack us each a bag and call the driver. I think we can be there in a half hour maybe."

"Great. Thank you."

"This isn't what you wanted to talk about, though."

"No. I'd rather tell you in person. It's nothing to worry about. I just rather be face to face."

"Oh… Uh, ok? I guess we'll talk before you go. I should get Nate ready."

"Ok. And thanks."

"No problem," she said, hanging up and immediately calling for Nate.

"Are you hurt?" The boy ran in wild eyed and frantically looking for a problem.

"I'm fine," she told him. "You need to stop worrying. You're too young for gray hair."

He touched the top of his head with wrinkled eyes. "I'm not worrying," he insisted. "I was just checking."

"Sure," she said. "Hotch has to go away on a case and wants me to watch Jack, so we're going to go stay at the apartment with Jack until he comes back. Are you ok with that?"

He enthusiastically nodded.

"Good. Pack everything you need for school and enough clothes for a few days."

"Right now?"

"Right now," she said. "Hotch has to leave in a few hours."

"I'm on it."

Emily and Nate waited for the driver outside after she checked to make sure they had everything and locked up the house. When the driver showed, they put their things in the trunk and made their way to Hotch's. On the way, Emily informed the driver of their temporary change of address.

"We're here," the man told them as he pulled up to the apartment building. "Would you like help carrying things up?"

"I got it," Nate said.

Emily held a laugh. "We can handle it. Thank you."

He reminded Emily to call if she needed anything and made sure they were in the building before leaving. Hotch was at the door waiting for them and helped with the bags.

"Hey. Thanks for coming. Nate, Jack is in his room waiting for you and I think he has some snacks if you want to go see him."

"Alright." He didn't even give it a second thought, just scampered off.

"Trying to get rid of him?" Emily asked as she was ushered into the living room.

"No. But I did want to talk to you alone and we don't have a lot of time before I leave."

"What's this about?" She had been anxious wondering. "Did something happen?"

"We've been trying to control when it hit the news and it hasn't yet, but I wanted you to hear it from me first."

"I thought you said this wasn't bad news. It sounds like bad news."

"Bardolino is dead," he quickly spat out.

"What? When?"

"Last Saturday. I heard that evening, and I was going to tell you before the party, but…"

"But you walked in on me… like that," she said, cheeks flushed pink.

"Don't be embarrassed. I just thought you had enough on your plate that day and still, I thought it would be best in person."

"Yeah… I'm surprised Clyde didn't tell me."

"I asked him to let me do it."

Emily nodded.

"What happened?"

"Exsanguination."

"He was stabbed?"

"Something like that. I'll leave the files and you can look at them if you want to. It's being investigated as a homicide. Clearly, someone was afraid he'd talk, and they saw him as a liability. I guess it doesn't matter. I just thought knowing would relieve some of your stress. No testifying. No worrying that he could still come after Nate."

"It's… It's a load off. Thank you for telling me."

"I wish I had more time to talk about, and I'm sorry I don't, but if you look at the files and want to talk when I get back, I can go over everything I know with you."

"Sounds good."

She was a little stunned. It wasn't that she was unhappy he died. Bardolino was an unforgivable man who did a lot of bad things and she would never want him around, but she wanted him to pay. She wanted him to be convicted and spend his life rotting behind bars. It felt like he got off easy. He didn't have to face any of his substantial, and still growing, list of crimes.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah… Just surprised, I guess."

"You wanted him to pay for what he did."

"Not just to us but pay for everything. No one gets justice."

"I know. But we're hoping his death will give more clues to who else is involved."

"I'll see if I find anything when I look through the file. Maybe something from Interpol will pop out at me."

"I can only hope. Anyway, the team is waiting for me. Call me if you need anything or for whatever."

"Go. Jack's in good hands."

"I know. Thanks."

He quickly said goodbye to the boys and left. He needed to be at the jet quickly. That left Emily with the boys, and she kind of liked it. She felt more comfortable there than she ever had in the house, and she missed being around Jack so much. She didn't bother to look at the file that night. She just wanted to take it all in and enjoy being with the boys. It wasn't unexpected to end up in her old room watching movies with them huddled with her until they all fell asleep. Thankfully, she set an alarm on her phone or they would have slept the day away.

Hotch called after school to talk with Jack. It looked like they'd be there at least one more day, he said, and made his son promise to be good.

"It's Jack, Hotch," Emily said. "His bad is most people's good."

"That's what I like to hear."

"Honestly, I don't know how we got so lucky. I swear," she lowered her voice, "If I raised Nate, he'd probably be a little fire-starter."

"I highly doubt that."

"Isn't that what they say? Your kids are worse than you as payback for your parents."

"Maybe we're the exception because no way was I more well behaved than Jack."

"I guess we got some good ones."

"No arguments here."

"Focus on the case. If you can, call tomorrow if you're not going to be back, just to let us know."

"I will."

Hotch was gone until Sunday morning. In that time, Emily enjoyed herself. Being around Jack kept Nate from being all over her. She almost missed the clinginess, though it was nice to walk around without him watching where and what she was doing. It was great to see him so carefree again, something, she noticed, he hadn't really been while they lived with James. Such a difference.

She tried calling James, but he wasn't ready to talk. Nate hadn't asked about him, which she supposed was ok. She still talked to him about updates she got. There wasn't much to report yet other than he was getting the help he needed.

While the kids played or did their schoolwork, Emily poured over the file. The gruesome way Bardolino died, a clean cut through the carotid, made her feel like he paid a little. Not like she wanted, but he still paid a price. Perhaps the manner of death could prove helpful. She was looking into it and was still doing that when Hotch returned.

The boys were asleep as she cooked breakfast. Hotch arrived just in time to wake them so they could all eat together. It was like old times, all of them around the table talking while they munched on whatever meal was in front of them. It was comfortable and light, and as much as Emily and Nate wanted to stay, they were out of clothes and wanted to give the Hotchners some time to themselves.

"You know, you can stay if you want. With James gone, you're welcome to stay here. I know I said it before, but it would be easier for you with his school and everything."

"I'll think about it. For now, we should go. Can I take the files with me?"

"Sure. Just let me know if you find something."

"I will."

After saying goodbye to Jack, she and Nate went to the house. Emily, after some debate, told Nate that the man who had hurt them and caused so much hurt for them, was dead. He seemed relieved, like the nightmare was finally ending. Emily wasn't sure it was completely over, but they were on the mend, and Nate told her that he made his choice about their living arrangement. He wanted to live there again. There being with Hotch and Jack. While she wasn't opposed to that, she didn't want that as a long-term solution, so they were still deciding.

"I'll think on it," she told Nate.

Until then, there was one other big decision Emily needed to make, but the answer wasn't coming to her. All she ended up doing was purchasing some tickets that would force her to choose one way or the other, but there was time before that happened. First, they had to figure out their new normal again. And even before that, they just wanted a quiet Sunday afternoon.

Back at the Hotchner household, that was what they wanted too. They spent the rest of the day making sure Jack had everything ready for school and talking about his upcoming field trip. He was very excited about it. But something Nate said to him had him thinking back to a conversation he had with Emily and wondering what was going on.

"Dad," Jack stopped his father. "Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can always ask me anything. What's on your mind?"

"Nate said that Emily was his mom, and a while ago, I asked Emily about Nate's mom… Is she? Like really his mom or does he just think she is because he loves her?"

Curious, and maybe a little worried, Hotch took a seat next to him. "What exactly did he say, Jack?"

He needed Jack to give all the details because he was sure that he'd be reporting back to Emily about this.


	34. Never a Dull Moment

**Chapter 34: Never a Dull Moment**

Hotch called Emily immediately after his talk with Jack not sure how she was going to react. It took a minute for him to wrap his head around it. Nate knew… He knew Emily was his mother and he said nothing. Why? There were so many questions surrounding that including what comes next.

"Mmm, hello?" Emily answered her phone, a sleep filled voice.

"Did I wake you?"

She hopped up in bed. "What? No. I wasn't sleeping." _Liar. _"Ok, I was. I haven't been sleeping well, so I dozed off early. Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? No, but Jack came to me today and told me something I think you should be aware of."

"Oh jeez. What happened now?"

"Jack asked me if you were Nate's mom."

"What? Why would he ask that? I mean, I know he's a smart kid, but it's not that obvious, is it?"

"Well, no, I suppose it's not, but it wasn't a question he came by randomly."

"Then how?"

"Nate," Hotch said.

"Nate? What did Nate do?"

"He told Jack that you were his mother."

"What?"

"Yeah. Look, this is what I know. Jack and Nate were talking and that came up. Jack came to me and asked if you were Nate's mother. When I asked why he thought that he said Nate told him and he wanted to know if he meant it literally or Nate just considered you his mother. Jack told me about the conversation you had about surrogacy."

"Sorry," she said.

"No, it's fine. He's not a baby. He understands that not all kids come about the conventional way. Point is, Jack came to me about it because of something Nate said. Nate knows or at least suspects something, and I wanted to tell you so that you could decide whether you should address it or wait for him to come to you."

"What… What should I do? How do I even approach this?"

"Honestly, I don't know, but I do think you should go to him about it."

"And what do I say? 'Hey Nate, sorry I didn't tell you before, but you know that woman who you got half your DNA from? Yeah, that's me.'"

"I'm sure you can find something a little more sensible to say than that."

If she wasn't awake before, she certainly was now. _Damn it,_ she thought, _the drama never stopped. _

"Is this what it's like to be a parent? Never knowing what to do? Never knowing whether what you're doing is right? Constantly wondering what you could do to make things better and worrying that you can't when they need you to?"

Hotch laughed. "That about sums it up. All you can do it be there and hope for the best. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes completely wrong, but that's ok. And if they're not telling you they hate you every once in a while, you're not doing it right."

"Wonderful."

"You say it like you don't mean it, but I think you do."

"It's… It's different."

"Emily," Hotch calmly said. "I know that however it came about probably isn't the way you wanted it to, but this is what you wanted? Right? Even if you hadn't quite admitted it."

"What do you mean?"

"You've wanted to be his mother since you met him. You wanted to be there for him, and you have, when you were allowed, but now you have the opportunity to tell him the truth, to give him what he has been asking for and, in turn, give yourself the opportunity to truly be his parent in every sense."

"What if I get it wrong? What if it's not what he wants?"

"It's what he wants."

"How do you know?"

"Emily," Hotch started, sternly and fatherly, "That kid follows you around like a puppy. He feels comfortable with you and loves you. Right now, you're all he has."

"I'm the default."

"No, you're his mom, and I think he, maybe instinctually, knew that or that there was some connection. Whether or not that's true, he trusts you and wants you in his life. That matters more than biology."

"Yeah… I'm just… I don't know. I think I've always wanted to tell him. I always wanted to be there but…"

"But you're afraid to," he finished. "And that's ok, but I don't think you need to be. Even if James is better tomorrow and wants to take Nate away, not only will I fight with you so you can keep your place in that boy's life, but I think Nate would fight for you too."

"Thanks."

"I probably should have waited until the morning to call," he said.

"Maybe, but I'm glad you didn't. I knew there was something up with Nate. Since James left, he's been…"

"All over you all the time?"

"Yes. Exactly."

"It wasn't like he wasn't like that before."

"I know. He had his moments before, usually when something big happened or at night when he was a little more emotional and tired, but this has been constant. He's like a spotter at the gym, but all the time."

"Maybe this is why."

"Maybe. I'm going to have to talk to him."

"I think so."

"Thanks for telling me."

"I should let you try to get back to sleep but call me if you need help talking with Nate or… after. Before even, if you need a pep talk."

"I might take you up on that."

"Good. Night, Emily."

"Night, Hotch. Thanks for telling me."

When she hung up, it took her a while to relax again. Her head was swirling with more thoughts than she knew what to do with. How long had Nate known? From the beginning? Before London? After? Recently? Was he ok with it? Why didn't he tell her? Did he not want her to know that he knew? Did he wish he didn't know? What did any of it even mean?

She didn't have the answers, but, since he was finally back to being the good student he was at school, no more withdrawn and sullen attitude according to Vera, she didn't want to talk to him about it that morning. It didn't help that now she was wondering if he was acting out because that was when he found out. Then it wasn't about James at all. She wanted to talk to him, so much so that she was vaguely tempted to keep him home from school just so they had time, but she couldn't, and they needed more time than a quick talk over breakfast. It had to wait until that afternoon.

That afternoon couldn't come soon enough. In anticipation, rather than sleeping, Emily spent the night thinking about how she was going to approach Nate about this. Sure, she got the paraphrased version from Hotch that came from Jack, but she was sure that wasn't the whole picture. She didn't know exactly how he found out.

The lack of sleep over the past few weeks was really starting to get to her. She "woke up" that morning with the sniffles, feeling like crap: headache, achy body, cough, and congestion. She couldn't say she didn't expect it. There were telltale signs over the last few days that her body was revolting. Still, she got out of bed and went on as if she knew nothing and wasn't feeling sick. She figured she could try sleeping it off once Nate was at school.

"Are you ok?" Nate asked. "You're yawning a lot and coughing."

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Eat up."

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"No. Don't think so."

"Why not?"

"I'm not hungry, Nate. Just finish yours, please."

"Did you already eat?"

"Sure," she answered.

He was put off by her attitude but didn't take it personally.

"I'm sorry, Nate. I'm tired. I didn't sleep well, and I don't mean to take it out on you." She stood. "I'm going to get dressed. Finish eating, clear your plate, then go get ready."

Emily really wasn't trying to ignore Nate or keep her distance. Of course, she didn't want to approach the topic that morning, but that was not the problem. She just didn't have the brain power to function. If Nate wasn't around, she wouldn't have gotten out of bed, nor would she have done much of anything that morning.

After changing, Emily sat on her bed, somehow finding herself laying down. She had no idea how long she laid there, but it must've been a decent chunk of time because Nate came knocking and telling her that he was ready, and they could go now.

"I'll be right there."

Groaning, she got herself up off the bed and met Nate in the hall. Peeking out the window, she saw the car was there.

"Let's go."

"Are you sick?"

"I'm ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Nate, you really need to stop worrying about me. I'm the m – adult here."

She almost slipped again…

He sighed. "I know. But I can care too."

"You can, but right now, all you have to do is get in that car and go learn."

"Whatever," he huffed and marched out to the car. Emily rolled her eyes and following behind him.

The school day really couldn't go fast enough for either of them. After the quiet ride, Nate went in and Emily returned to the house. She spent most of the day doing nothing. She picked up a little and made sure they had enough groceries for the next day or so, but that was it. No exercise or anything.

Mostly, she stayed in her bed until it was time to go get Nate. It just felt like, now that her body had time to relax, it was realizing just how hard it had been working to keep up and this was the consequence. A cold… Cold or not, she was having the much-needed talk with Nate.

So, when they returned from his school, Emily asked him if he had a lot of homework. When he said no, Emily asked him to please do what he had and then come find her.

"So you can check it?"

"Nate, I trust you to do your homework. I check it once in a while to make sure you understand what you're doing and maybe to make sure you remember to put it in your backpack, but I don't need to monitor you. You're a big kid. You know you need to do your work, right?"

"I do."

"Good. So, when you're done, come find me. Ok?"

"Yup. What about dinner? You want me to cook for us?"

Emily laughed at how adorable that was, her laugh turning into a cough. Nate's worried eyes on her, she tried to hold it in.

"You're sick."

"I'm fine, Nate, and I will cook dinner for us later, or we can order out. It's been a while since we've had pizza… or Chinese."

"But I can cook. I can make you something to help you feel better."

"I appreciate that, Nate, but it's unnecessary. I feel fine and I don't want you to worry about cooking. Just do your work, then come find me. I'll probably be in my room."

"Fine. But I want pizza with pepperoni… and olives."

"Whatever you want," Emily replied.

He went to the dining table to work on his homework and Emily went to pace her room in anticipation. She swore she was building a nervous sweat. How the hell was she supposed to start the conversation? Be direct? Work up to it? Completely bail?

"Emily?"

"Oh, Nate. Sorry." She didn't even hear the door open.

"I knocked."

She smiled, and asked, "All done with your homework?"

"Yes. I left it out so you can check it anyway."

"Great. How about we go to the living room and talk before dinner?"

"Talk about what?"

"Come on," Emily said, ignoring the question and guiding him to the living room.

Comfortably sitting down, Emily moved her body so they were facing each other on the couch.

"Alright Nate. I want to assure you that nothing is wrong, but I have something that we need to talk about."

"Is this about moving again? Because I still think we should stay with Hotch. He said we could."

"I know he did, and we will talk about it, Hotch and I, but this isn't about that."

"Then what?"

She took the deepest breath she could manage and said, "I wanted to ask you about what you said to Jack."

He narrowed his eyes. "What did I say to Jack?"

"I'm not sure exactly, and that's part of what I wanted to talk about." Another deep breath. "Why does Jack think that you think I'm your mom?"

"Well… because you are. Aren't you?"

He said it so nonchalantly that Emily didn't know how to react. Did he grasp what that meant or was he thinking like he had before? It was one thing to tell his teacher that she was his mother in a moment when it would be presumed that she was. It was something else to tell a close friend, a best friend, that she was his mom when he knew the situation.

"Why don't you tell me what you mean by that? Better yet, let's start with your talk with Jack. What did you tell him while we were staying there?"

She needed more information. While it seemed like he knew something, she wanted to know what exactly and how he learned it. It could be a situation like at the parent-teacher conference. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but this seemed like a change. Before he said that he knew she wasn't really her mom. Now he was saying she was.

He knew which conversation she was talking about without her getting specific. "I don't know… We were just talking."

"About what?"

"Does it matter?"

"It might."

He looked away from her before quietly telling her, "Some boy was making fun of me at school because I had two dads."

"That wasn't very nice of him. Having gay parents shouldn't be something to be teased about."

"And I told Jack about it. I didn't fight back or say anything mean, but when I talked to Jack I told him that I didn't feel different for having two dads, especially because I also have a mom. But even if I didn't, having two dads didn't make me weird. Some people have two moms and that's not weird either. At least, maybe different to some people, but not a bad kind."

_Oh…_ Emily didn't know whether she should have felt disappointed, but she did. That way she took it was that he saw her as a mother figure, like he explained after the conference, so she was like his mom.

"And what did Jack say?"

"Jack asked who my mom was, and I told him you were."

"Did he ask any other questions?"

He nodded. "He asked how you were my mom, and I told him the truth."

"Which is?" Curiosity was piqued and she definitely needed to hear this.

"That you're my biological mother and that my dad, Vince, was my biological dad."

_Well, had that wrong._ Emily was befuddled. How did he figure that one out?

"Do you know what that means, Nate?"

"I'm not stupid."

"No, you're definitely not. I just want to make sure you understand."

She needed to understand too. Mostly, she wanted to figure out, not the logistics and his understanding of technical stuff, but how he felt about it.

"Well, it means that your stuff and my dad's stuff was used to make me."

_That was one way to put it…_

He continued, "I didn't come from your belly, but I'm still part you and part my dads, and even if he's not blood related, my dad loved me all the same and is still just as much my dad as my other dad."

She hoped he followed that better than she did.

"Nate, honey, who told you this?"

"My dad. It's not right? Are you not really my mom?"

_Fucking James… _For someone who seemed intent on not letting her take over his place in Nate's life, James sure seemed to be paving a contradictory path.

"I… I am, Nate," she confessed.

For a second, it was like the confirmation was too much for him. His eyes glazed with emotion that the profiler herself couldn't quite grasp. It was a mixture of scared and happy and sad and more.

"You are my mom, like for real, like he said?"

"Yes."

"I… I believed him, my dad, when he told me, but I thought, maybe he just wanted me to feel better because he was leaving, and my other dad was dead. He wanted me to have you, and… and I'm happy to have you. But I didn't know if it was for real true."

"It is."

He had so many questions, too. He had them with his dad but couldn't ask them because he didn't want to ask him, and he didn't want to hear his dad mix up or stumble on words when discussing something so important.

"But then… where have you been?"

"What do you mean?"

"My dads have been around forever, but you weren't. Why not?"

"That's a complicated story that I want to share with you, but can you tell me a little more about what your dad explained first? That way I know what you already know?"

_Nate was in his father's room, a place he often avoided. Knowing James was leaving after he went to school and with Emily asking him to keep his father company, Nate thought he should spend some time with his father. Plus, he got to give his dad the present he put together for him. _

_It was awkward, even he could tell that, but he did love his father and he wanted to be with him. Nate knew he was going to miss James. _

"_I know we haven't talked about it too much, but have you ever wondered about your mother?"_

"_I guess," Nate answered his father. "But not really. I always had you and Dad. I didn't need anyone else."_

"_But you do now?"_

_Nate shrugged. It wasn't that he needed someone new, but he saw what having more people around brought to his life. _

"_Would you ever want to meet her?"_

_He shrugged again, not knowing how to answer. A part of him wanted to meet her now that he knew there was a mother to know and after losing his father, but he didn't want to hurt James. Truth was he didn't know any different. It had always been just him and his dads. There were never kids to point out how they had only one dad and a mom, so he didn't give it any thought. _

_Of course, his fathers told him a simple story. James said they wanted a baby so badly that they asked a very special woman to help make that happen. They picked the best woman they knew and asked for a very special gift, Nate. It was simple, but not something he could fully comprehend on a deeper level. He knew his fathers wanted and loved him and somewhere out there, was a woman who made that happen._

_Still, he thought he already knew who his mother was. When his dad and Emily were arguing, or when his dad was yelling at Emily, his dad said that Emily was his mother. He didn't think too much of it at first, being upset that he was treating their friend, someone who loved and took care of them, so poorly. Eventually, though, the thoughts festered. He wanted to question it, but never did, a little afraid of what it could mean, or, maybe, afraid of being wrong. _

"_I thought I did," Nate said._

"_What?"_

"_I heard you yell at her. You said she was my mom."_

"_Who?"_

"_Emily."_

"_Oh… You heard that."_

"_Emily's my mother?"_

"_Well… Yes. Your father and I, we wanted a baby. We couldn't do it ourselves and, adopting wasn't an option for us, so we needed help from a woman," he explained the best he could, his speech mostly clear. "I told you that you came from a mommy's belly."_

"_Emily's?"_

"_No… No, Emily didn't carry you. We had a surrogate," he said to Nate, who didn't quite grasp that. Still, he continued without going into more detail. "Emily let us use some of her… DNA and it mixed with your dad's DNA to make you."_

_He didn't get it. All he was hearing was that Emily was his mother. She was his mother and he never really knew. _

"_I know you have questions, but they'll come in time," James said. "Just know that Emily cares about you. She wants to be here for you."_

_There were some questions asked anyway, but they both knew they were running out of time. James just told him that everything was complicated. The only thing he needed to know was that Emily was his mother. His fathers picked her because they knew she could give them their amazing gift, and she did. She gave them him, and that was all they ever wanted. _

"_Nate. I love you," James said, carefully putting a shaky hand on his son's shoulder. _

"_I love you too, Dad."_

"_While I'm gone, take care of Emily, ok?"_

"_I will," he promised. _

"_And let her take care of you. She'll answer your questions. She'll give you everything you need. Let her love you because that's all she wants too."_

Emily listened to everything Nate was telling her and quickly realized how little James told him. James dropped a bomb and didn't even try to clean it up. He didn't even warn her. She could have prepared. She could've reached out sooner. Instead, she was blindsided, and Nate had this swirling around for a week when that didn't need to happen.

"What your father said is all true," Emily began. "I'm going to tell you the whole story, and you can ask questions. If I can answer, I will. Ok?"

"Ok."

"I told you that I knew your father for a very long time, since we were just a few years older than you are now. James and I were best friends for many years, and then he fell in love with your other dad, Vince."

Emily debated with herself how honest to be. She didn't want to taint his memory of Vince or tarnish how he looked at James, but she didn't want to be painted as the villain when she wasn't.

"They were happy together, and very in love. The one thing they wanted and were missing in their lives, was a child."

"Me," Nate said.

"Yes, you. You were all they wanted." She smiled, placing her palm on Nate's cheek. "But they needed help. James came to me, he said that they wanted a baby and asked if I could help."

"How?"

Emily sighed and got into some of the scientific and biological musts for creating a child. She explained that women had eggs and men sperm. When put together, they could create a baby.

"Through sex?"

Emily blushed.

"That's how babies are made, right? A mom and a dad have sex? That's what a kid at school said. He's having a baby brother and his parents told him all about it. You and my dad had sex."

_Oh boy… What the hell are these kids learning? _Trying not to feel like an embarrassed child and act like the adult she was, Emily took a second before answering, "Typically that's how babies are made, but you and many kids like you, weren't created like that."

"Then how?"

"A lot of doctor appointments," she joked.

In simple language, Emily explained the donor egg process. She told him that she took medicine and a doctor did a procedure to take the eggs from her body. The doctor also took a sample from both of his dads and mixed them with the eggs, but then, rather than putting them back into Emily, the doctor put the egg into someone else, someone whose job it was to just grow the baby.

"Why didn't you do it?"

Not wanting to say the true reason, that she knew if she did, there was no way she could hand him over, she just told him it wasn't an option. His fathers didn't ask her to do that.

"After you were grown in her, and born, you went to your fathers."

"But not you?"

"To be honest, Nate," deep sigh, "I wasn't around when you were born."

"Where were you?"

"I was away, working, and your fathers couldn't reach me where I was. Communication wasn't like it is today."

The words put a bad taste in her mouth. She knew it was right, but it did feel good to cover for them. She wasn't there because they didn't want her there, but she couldn't, or wouldn't, tell him that. For Nate, there would always be this twisted sense of responsibility to cover for James and Vince.

Nate looked confused, so Emily continued.

"I came back to Virginia, back here, where you were born."

"Dad told me that," Nate added.

"When I came back, I met you."

"How old was I?"

"Just about a year old. And you were the cutest kid ever." She pinched his cheek. "Still are."

He looked deep in thought.

"Hey, what are you thinking?"

"How come you weren't around if you knew me as a baby? You didn't stay? Why? Didn't you want me?"

Emily's heart broke for them. All the hurt she once felt from being kept from Nate was fresh again and now Nate was feeling it too.

"Oh Nate," she said, moving closer only for him to move away. "Please don't ever think that. I wanted you more than I ever knew I could. The moment I met you, I fell in love with you. You were the best little kid and, I think, even if you weren't related to me, I would have loved you. My heart grew a thousand times just getting to know you. The moment I held you in my arms, I never wanted to let you go."

"Then why did you?"

"I didn't have a choice. It may be hard to understand, and I may not explain it well, but a lot of adult stuff happened back then. Your dads were… They…" What was she supposed to say? "A few months after I returned home, your dad got a job somewhere else. I wanted to stay in your life, but they were worried it would be too confusing for you. They didn't want you to feel… different."

"Because of you?"

"Your dads wanted what was best for you. They wanted to give you everything, and they felt that I was in the way. They moved around so much and I couldn't follow them. I would have followed you anywhere, but I just wanted you to have a happy family. I don't think that would have happened with me there."

It would have been so easy for her to tell the truth and throw them under the bus. She could have told Nate the truth and let James deal with that. She really couldn't, though. That would hurt Nate and that wouldn't be fair. She didn't want that.

"If I could have been there, Nate, I promise I would have. I wanted to, so badly. I loved you so much it hurt and it took me a long time to make it stop hurting when I wasn't around you. Then I found you again. Your dads brought you to me, and I got to know you all over again. That made me so happy. Knowing you, being able to love you… That makes me happy."

Nate said nothing, just sat there taking it in. Emily watched the emotion play on his face trying to find some clue as to what he was thinking. She tried to be patient for him to respond, but it was hard. There was a desperate part of her that wanted him to just jump into her arms and call her mommy. That was unrealistic. She would've settled for some indication of what was going on in his head.

"I know this is a lot of information, but I need to know, Nate. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," he honestly answered. "I just… I didn't know what it was like to have a mom until you. And… And maybe I thought it would be cool if you were my mom, but…"

"But now you're not sure?" she dejectedly asked.

"No…" He saw the hurt on her face. "I mean, not no. I don't know. I didn't think you could really be my mom because you can't just make up parents, right?"

"I guess."

"But you are my mom, and that's cool, I think."

"Yeah?" Her whole demeaner changed, a little more relaxed.

"I wish… I wish I had you and my dads all along."

"I wish you did, too Nate."

"And I wish we didn't have to be in danger for me to meet you."

"We're on the same page, there. If you want to stay out of any kind of risky situation the rest of your life, I'd be ok with that," she said, trying to lighten the heavy mood.

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"Yes. Ask me anything."

"Why didn't you try harder?"

"What?"

"To be with me and my dads. Why didn't you try harder?"

Guilt hit her like a knife to the heart. She didn't fight it. She didn't fight for him. Not then. It was an if/then situation she'd have to live with, but now Nate was feeling it too. It wasn't her place to fight, she knew that. But they opened the door, let her get her foot in, then slammed it shut and bolted it for years.

"I'm sorry Nate. I'm sorry that I didn't."

"Me too," he sadly said. "I'm… ok with you being my mom. I don't know what it means though. I don't get why you couldn't always be my mom and I don't know why my dads never said anything."

"It's ok to be confused or feel a little… unsettled."

"I don't know what having a mom means."

"It can mean whatever you want it to mean, Nate. Nothing has to change unless you want it too. We can figure it out together."

"Can I go to my room?"

The way he asked made her want to cry. She hoped that, though surprised, he might be a little happier. He seemed confused. She understood that. Honestly, she was confused about this too. He was never supposed to know. She wanted him too, sure, but it was all a dream for him to know and want to have a mother-son relationship. Now it was happening in an unexpected and perplexing way.

"Uh, yeah. Go ahead. I'll order dinner."

He sluggishly nodded before walking away. Emily stood and watch him go, a sense of longing filling her. This was not how she wanted this to go. Her hand ran through her hair, the other on her hip as she stared off to where he disappeared and blew out a deep breath.

"What just happened?" she asked herself.

Her inner voice didn't get a chance to answer before there was a knock on the door.


	35. Mama's Little Worrier

**Chapter 35: Mama's Little Worrier**

Surprised to see who was on the other side of the door, Emily leaned against the wall beside it and asked, "Hotch? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on you," he said.

"Check on me? Why?"

"Nate was right. You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks." She gave him a look before realizing what he said. "Wait. Nate? When did you talk to Nate?"

"He called me a few hours ago."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" she asked as she waved him in. There was no need to talk in the doorway.

"He was worried about you. I guess I can see why," he said.

"What does that mean?"

"You don't look so hot, Emily. You feeling ok?"

"I have a little cold. That's all. Let's go back to the Nate thing. When exactly did he call you and what did he say?"

"_Hi Hotch," Nate responded when Hotch answered._

"_Nate? Is that you?"_

"_Yeah. Can you come over?"_

"_What's going on Nate? Is everything ok?"_

"_Emily's sick and she won't let me take care of her."_

"_Does she know you're calling me?"_

"_No. But she's coughing and tired and she won't let me help. I can cook dinner for us," he insisted._

"_I'm sure you can. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"_

_Nate told him he was worried that Emily was sick and not letting him look after her. He was a big kid and could help more, he insisted. _

"_And now I think I'm in trouble. She wants to talk to me."_

"_That doesn't mean you're in trouble."_

"_Maybe. But still. She's not feeling good, and she won't let me help. I'm worried."_

_Hotch had an inkling about what Emily planned to talk to Nate about. He knew that she was starting to get a cold when he saw her the day before, but he had to wonder if it was as bad as Nate thought or if he was overreacting. Emily was right, he was clingy. He saw it himself. _

"_I'm still at work, Nate, but if you think I should still come after you two talk, call me again. Ok?"_

"_Ok. That's it?"_

"_I can call her to check on her if you want."_

"_No!" Then she'd know he called, and Nate didn't want that._

"_Ok. I'll try to stop by tonight. In the meantime, just listen to what Emily has to say. I don't think you're in trouble."_

_Nate agreed and the call ended. _

"Can we sit down," Hotch said, escorting her to the couch. Once seated, he asked, "Where's Nate?"

"We just finished talking. He's taking a moment to himself in his room."

"How did it go?"

"I don't know. It could have gone better. It could have gone worse. James told him. He told him without even running it by me. He and Vince were so adamant that Nate never find out, and then he goes and tells him. I don't understand. And now Nate's so confused." She took a tissue from the nearest table and coughed into it, then blew her nose.

"You started looking green yesterday. I see it has gotten worse. Are you really feeling ok?"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "I just need some rest."

"Ok." He'd let it go for a moment, escorting them to sit on the couch. "Then let's hear it. How did it really go?"

"James told him… James told him and didn't even bother to warn me. He just dropped this colossal piece of news on a nine-year-old's lap and said deal with it."

"You're angry with him, I get that, but you didn't say any of that in front of Nate, did you?"

"No!" she defended. "Of course not. I even covered for them. I made myself look like the bad guy for not being around, like I actually had a choice in the matter."

"He asked about that?"

"Yes," Emily said. "He wanted to know why I wasn't always around, and I gave him the best neutral explanation I could. I don't want him to be upset with James or Vince, but I don't want him upset with me either. There was so much out of my control about the situation. I had no power and there was nothing, barring kidnapping or stalking, that I could do to stay a permanent part of his life over the years."

"I know that. You don't have to defend yourself, Emily."

"To him, I do. Right now, I'm what he has. If he hates me, then it's just an uphill battle for us, and that's not fair to him."

"I don't think he hates you. The way Jack told it, Nate loves you and likes the idea of having you for a mom. He basically said you were the person he had, the one that was always helping him. Over the last few months, you've become his constant. He knows that. More importantly, he feels that."

Emily's eyes narrowed as she sat up straight, a thought crossing her mind.

"Do you think that's why he has been all over me lately? Watching me to make sure I don't fall down the stairs? Always trying to take care of me? Because he's afraid?"

Hotch shrugged and told her yes. "That's a real possibility. He's attached to you now. Even if he never found out you're his mother, he still knows you're the person who is there to take care of him when everything and everyone else is so unpredictable. One of his fathers died. The other nearly did and still isn't recovered. To top it off, he went through a traumatic experience where he watched you get hurt."

"He has been through so much," Emily said. "I need to talk to him about that too, don't I?"

"Eventually," Hotch said. "But I think it can wait. Show him that you're going to stay here with him and be safe. Let your actions speak first."

"I… I can do that."

"One way you can do that is by letting him take care of you. He wants to be useful and he wants you to know that, even if he has some… confusing feelings about the situation, he cares."

"He's nine. He shouldn't be taking care of me."

"No, maybe not, but it's what he wants and needs. I'm going to make you an offer."

"What kind of offer?" she asked skeptically.

"You're not feeling well, and you need some rest. Why don't you and Nate come stay with Jack and me? I've offered before, but now I'm pushing for it. I can help you figure things out with Nate, and he can have Jack to talk to. You can have me. It will be easier on you because you won't have to take Nate to and from school. Jack is old enough that he and Nate can walk to the bus stop without you. Nate's old enough too, and he's not new to the situations anymore," he added when he saw Emily about to interject. "You can take it easy during the day, and if you're feeling up to it, the physical therapist is closer to my apartment than this house."

"I don't know, Hotch. I know it's what Nate wants, but he also doesn't understand that it's not ok to just invite ourselves to live there, which, I might add, he has been doing."

"I know it's what he wants, and I think it's what Jack wants too. He likes having Nate around to take under his wing. Think of it this way, you'd be doing us boys a favor. The apartment has never been as clean or the food as good since you left."

"I'd be your housekeeper."

"You can call yourself that if it makes you feel better, but no. You don't need to cook or clean a single thing if you don't want to."

"It's a nice offer," she started.

"No buts," Hotch finished. "It's a good offer. We'd be helping each other out. And I can help Nate, 'take care' of you."

She gave him a pointed look.

"Within reason," he added.

"Fine. But it's still temporary. I still have a lot to figure out. Only until I'm feeling better."

"Whatever you want."

She rolled her eyes. "Want to go tell Nate? I think he could use a break from me."

"Absolutely. I'll tell him to pack a bag and then I'll come help you."

Again, she tried to protest, but he stopped her and left her to ruminate while he went to see Nate.

"Hi Nate," Hotch greeted the boy who was sitting on his bed looking at a photo.

"You came!"

"I did. I wanted to see how you and Emily were doing. I heard you had a big talk."

"You already knew," he said, not a question.

"I did. I only recently found out myself," he answered. There was no reason to lie. "What do you have there?"

Nate passed him the picture. "I found it in one of Dad's boxes. This is from when I was a baby."

Hotch looked at the photo. In it was Emily, Vince, and Nate. Given the tenuous relationship between Emily and Vince, it was probably the only one with that combination, Hotch thought. But just looking at it explained a lot. Emily was cuddling with Nate. Both had Santa hats on and Nate was resting on her chest, Patch in his lap and the head of a gingerbread man resting in his mouth like a lollipop.

Emily was smiling with such joy as she held Nate. Her eyes were so glued on him, she probably didn't notice James taking the picture. Just behind Emily stood Vince. He, too, was looking toward Nate. To any normal observer, especially to a child like Nate, Vince would just look in awe of his son, but his gaze was more focused on Emily, hints of jealousy brewing in his eyes.

"It's a nice picture."

"I never saw it before I found it in the box, but I like it."

"I like it, too."

"Do you think I look like her?" Nate asked.

"Like Emily?"

Nate nodded.

"I think that you have some physical similarities."

"Like what?"

"Your eyes are just like hers, lighter, but more the look you get when you're thinking a lot." Hotch reached out and put his hand on the boy's cheek, moving his head so that he was looking at him. "You're doing it right now." He removed his hand. "You have her smile too, something I wish you both had on your face right now."

"She's sick."

"I know. We talked, Nate, and she agreed that if you want to, both of you can come back and stay with Jack and me."

His eyes lit up. "I want to."

"Good. Then we need to get you ready, and once that's done, we can talk some more if you want."

"Do we have to?"

"No, not tonight."

"Cool."

Part of Nate that wanted to talk about it more, but a bigger part that wanted to think first. He may have known, in theory, for over a week, but it was only just confirmed. Before, whatever their relationship was, was whatever he imagined it to be or imagined it could be. Now things were real.

"Make sure you grab everything you need for school," Hotch reminded Nate as they packed.

"I will. I have the rest of my stuff downstairs."

"Ok, we can get it once we're done here."

"And then we can eat? I'm hungry."

"Let's finish packing and go get Jack from his friend's place. We can all eat together."

"Ok."

They stuffed a duffle bag full of clothes and Nate tucked Patch into the top flap. Hotch told him to grab any of his toys he might want to take with him and make sure none of his school stuff was left behind.

"I'm going to go help Emily."

"I can do it," Nate offered.

"No," he firmly stated, "you have your own packing to do."

Hotch grabbed the full bag and went downstairs. Leaving the bag by the door, he went to find Emily. He could only laugh when he did. She was on her bed, legs hanging off, arms spread out, laying in a pile of underwear and socks, fast asleep.

"This would make an excellent blackmail picture," Hotch joked to himself. "Emily in a sea of panties."

Deciding to let her rest, he, tentatively finished packing where she left off. Having been married, it wasn't like he wasn't used to being around women's underwear, but this was Emily, so it was a little uncomfortable. Still, he did it, neatly packing the garments and whatever else she had laid out beside her.

He knew he needed to wake her up but wanted to get as much done as he could before that. The least he could do was get everything that was ready into the car before he woke her. That was exactly what he did with Nate's help. When Nate asked where Emily was, Hotch told him she was resting, so they were going to do everything they could before waking her up.

"I know where she keeps everything," Nate told him. "I can help a lot."

"Great."

The two quietly went through Emily's room, gathering everything she might need other than clothes.

"Wait." Nate stopped them, got on his knees, and moved under her bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting something."

He pulled out her safe box.

"I think it's important. I never asked what's inside, but I've seen her look in it a bunch of times. Sometimes she even wears a key on her neck that I think goes to it," Nate explained, moving to the desk and opening the drawer where he pulled out the key. "See."

Hotch nodded and thought that Nate was more observant than they gave him credit for.

"Let me take that. I'll ask Emily if she would like to take this with her. Go get shoes and a coat. We'll leave as soon as Emily's ready."

"Ok."

Nate looked back at Emily when he reached the door before leaving. Hotch saw a look in Nate's eyes that he shouldn't see in a kid. It was like there was some desperation there, but for what, he wondered. Not wanting to overthink it yet, Hotch just moved to wake Emily.

He gently shook her arm, receiving a mumbling groan. "Five more minutes, mommy."

"Well, I'm certainly not a woman," Hotch teased. "Come on, Emily. Time to get up."

"Hmmm, Hotch?"

"Yeah. Come on, sleepy. Quicker you get up, quicker we get there."

"Don't want to move."

"Are you sure about that? You can't possibly be comfortable."

"Don't care."

"You will. Come on. Up, up, up," he coached.

"Ugh," she moaned as Hotch helped her up.

She sat on the edge of the bed waking herself up, eyes still closed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Less than an hour."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed the rest and Nate and I took care of everything."

"I have to put some clothes together."

"Done," Hotch said. "And Nate thought you might want to take this." He pushed the safe toward her, getting her to finally open her eyes.

"Nate said that?" How did he even know about it?

"Yes."

Emily ran her fingers gracefully across the top. "Does he know what's in it?"

"No. He just said he saw you looking in it a few times, even at the cabin. Showed me where the key was, too." He watched her reaction and was more curious than ever. "What's in it?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "It's my Nate box. It has other things, important documents and such, but all of my letters and pictures of Nate over the years are all in here."

"How did it get here? It was in London, right?"

"Clyde," she answered. "I asked him to bring it to me and then he snuck into the cabin after everything and got it again."

"He could get in trouble for that."

"Yeah, but he won't."

Emily squeezed the handle of the safe possessively, like she was shielding it.

"Maybe one day you'll show me what's in there."

"Maybe," Emily distantly said.

"Until then, let's get you settled back at the apartment. We can take this with us for safe keeping."

"Ok," she agreed, allowing him to pull her up off that bed.

He began walking away, and Emily called out, "Hotch?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you pack my underwear?" She didn't see any of the things she left on her bed.

He blushed. "Everything is packed."

"Is that a yes then?" Emily playfully asked. "Did you at least throw in some of the comfy ugly ones?"

"Shouldn't all of your underwear be comfortable?"

"Such a man. Should, but no."

"Everything is packed," he repeated, yearning to end the conversation.

"Thank you," Emily called out, laughing as he walked away.

She grabbed her purse and phone along with the safe, and then the three of them were on their way.

After stopping just down the street from the apartment to get Jack, they settled in for the evening. Emily snuggled with a blanket on the couch and the boys nearby while Hotch got the takeout ready for everyone to eat.

"Soup for you," he said, placing a bowl in front of her. "Just this once we can eat in here."

"Emily should be sick more often. Then we can watch TV while we eat all the time."

"Nice, Jack," Emily coughed.

"Not like really sick," he tried.

The adults just shook their heads.

About midway through dinner, Emily was out again, the half-filled bowl starting to teeter on the pillow's edge. Hotch took the bowl away and nudged Emily awake. He knew she needed to sleep, but if she wanted a full night's rest, it was too late to be napping.

"I'm up," she said. "Just resting my eyes."

"You need to eat," Nate encouraged.

"I am… Slowly."

Most of the evening Emily tried to participate in everything, interacting with Jack and Nate as much as she could, but wasn't really involved. She couldn't help it. As the day went on, she just felt worse. Her throat was scratchy, she was tired, and she couldn't breathe out of her nose.

Thankfully, it was late enough that she could get to bed early.

"I'm going to turn in," Emily said. "I'd hug you guys goodnight, but I don't want to get you sick. Nate, if you need me for anything, don't be afraid to wake me up. You either Jack."

"Night Emily," Hotch said, also sending the boys to their room to change.

She did sleep well that night. She didn't wake up once, she didn't dream, she just slept. The cold medicine Hotch left her probably had something to do with that. In fact, she didn't' even wake up to her alarm. It wasn't until Nate came into the room with a cup of tea and a pill bottle that she woke.

"Morning," Nate woke her. "I brought you tea and Hotch said to take these so you feel better."

Emily sat up. "You're already dressed for school."

"Yup. I wanted to wait for you, but Hotch said to let you sleep. We ate and got ready. Now it's time to go."

She looked at the clock. If she got up, there'd be time for her to dress and walk with them to the bus stop.

"I just wanted to say bye." He hugged her. "See you later. Feel better, ok?"

She didn't even get to respond before he was gone and Hotch came in. "They'll be fine walking alone. I let Jack do it all the time."

"I should go."

"You should rest. Do nothing today. I left breakfast out. If you want something else, help yourself. Just take it easy. The boys are set for the day. Jack's going to come home right after school with Nate and he has a key. I'll call to check on you."

"That's unnecessary. I just have a cold. I can still do stuff."

"Of course you can. You're Emily, but that doesn't mean you should."

"Alright, but you don't have to check on me. Really."

"It's me or I send Garcia over."

"You, please."

"Good. Take the medicine and relax. I'll call later."

As he left, the sounds of the apartment door closing, Emily sat up against the pillows on the headboard and grabbed her tea. She couldn't remember what it was like to relax. Every day since James came back into her life, her routine shifted to the point where she was constantly working. When not at Interpol, she was with them, helping and searching, and then she was on the run, continuously on guard. It just continued from there.

Then she gets a moment to breath, and her body craps out on her. Yeah, she didn't feel like getting out of bed that day. She stayed under the covers with her tea and computer, browsing listings in the area, just in case. She napped, she browsed, and that was all. Hotch called, as did various members of the team. She assured them all that she was fine, and they didn't need to worry.

They continued to check on her, even dropping in to see her throughout the week as she convalesced. Nate and Jack were particularly on top of things. Without asking, they would bring her water or juice, tea if it seemed like she was coughing a lot. Nate barely left her room. He waited on her hand and foot, brought her whatever she might need, anticipating what that might be, and Hotch even caught him sticking his hand under her nose while she was sleeping just to make sure she was still breathing.

At night, he would wake with nightmares and crawl into her bed. While she didn't want to spread her germs, she never turned him away.

"Can I stay in here?"

"Another bad dream?"

"Uh huh."

"You can stay," she agreed, lifting the covers for him to get in. "Ready to tell me what they're about?"

He sniffled, making Emily believe they were painful to even think about. "Nate, talk to me."

While the middle of the night wasn't the best time for deep conversation, Emily was feeling a little better and it was high time she addressed this. He had been in her bed every night and during the day, he barely left her side. Clearly, something was going on. Clingy was one thing, but this was a whole new level.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Why not? What's going on?"

"I don't want you to be sick," he said.

Offering assurances, she was quick to respond, "I only have a cold. It happens sometimes. It'll go away soon. I'm already feeling better."

Nate wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed.

"Nate? What's wrong?"

Face buried in her side, he let out a mumbled cry, "You can't leave me. You can't be sick or die or leave me like my dads. You can't."

"I'm not going anywhere, Nate."

Nose running, tears falling, Nate said, "You have to promise. You can't leave me alone. My dad is dead, and Dad doesn't want to see me anymore. I don't want to be alone."

"Nate, look at me," Emily urged, trying to pry him from her side to meet her gaze. "Please look at me."

Slowly, his downtrodden eyes met hers, both pairs glassy. His little lips trembled.

"I am not leaving you. I promise, Nate, that I am fine. Everyone gets a cold sometimes, but in a few days, I'll be back to normal."

"I want you normal now," he insisted.

"I know… I know you do. I want that too. You think I want to sound like a squeaky chipmunk? I can't wait to be all better, but it takes time."

"Everything takes time," he angrily grumbled. "It takes time for Dad to get better, but he never did. He got worse and left," his voice rose. "How do I know you're not going to get worse and leave too?!"

She wanted to scream with him, to get through to him that she would be there forever, god willing. She would never choose to leave him, and, if life permitted, she would take him with her wherever she went.

"Oh Nate," she said, her heart in tatters. "I'm not your dad. He left to get better because he was hurting us by being there. He didn't make you happy and he knew that. So, he went to get help so that he could, one day, be the father you deserve. I know it's not fair. You've lost so much, but I'm not going anywhere. I will get better and I will always be here for you."

Again, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her side. "I love you," he said. "I think I might like having a mom."

"I think I might like having a son," she whispered back, laying down with him in her arms, trying to stop the overwhelming emotions they were both feeling. "Everything will be alright."

Soon, they both fell asleep in that position, and that was exactly how Hotch found them in the morning. When Jack came out of the room without Nate, Hotch asked his son where he was. Jack shrugged, still in his just woken up fog. He knew Nate wouldn't go anywhere outside of the apartment, so he headed straight for Emily's room.

He peeked inside and saw them both huddled together on the bed. Quietly, he walked into the room, laying a gentle hand on Emily's shoulder.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Morning. What's he doing in here?"

"Another bad dream," she answered.

"Are you ok? Your eyes look a little red."

"Long night," she sighed before looking at Nate. "Maybe I should keep him home. I don't think he's been sleeping well."

"That's your choice. I can have Jack pick up any homework for him."

"Please," she nodded.

"We'll talk when I get home?"

"Yes." She needed someone to talk to about things and she knew he was worried, too. "We have a lot to talk about, I think. There's something I want to run by you."

"Ok. I'll call if I'm going to be late. Take care of each other."

"Always."

Emily stayed in bed, listening to Hotch and Jack move about their morning routine, all the while running her hand through Nate's long hair. They would have to do something about that soon. She couldn't help but stare as he slept. He was growing before her eyes, probably an inch taller than when she first laid eyes on him again.

It fascinated her how much he was growing and maturing in such a short span of time. He was coming into his own, learning to live a life like any other kid his age would, but it was also being hindered. She worried that she was part of the problem. There was so much change, and maybe she didn't address it properly, so now it was messing with his head.

Hotch mentioned that he was clinging to her in fear, and last night confirmed that tenfold. She didn't, at first, know what the fear was and hoped Nate would come to her and express what was bothering him, but he hadn't. She knew now. He was afraid of losing her and telling her that, he thought, would upset her, too. He was a child. Never should he have to fear that he'd end up alone with no one, no adult to love and care for him.

Though she had little idea what Nate had truly experienced in the years between the first and second time she was in his life, she knew he had been mostly sheltered. He went from that to experiencing everything, including some of the hardest things life had to offer: death, disease, injury…

Emily was honestly surprised that Nate didn't associate those bad things with her. She was happy he didn't, but hoped it wasn't because he felt she was all he had. She hoped she provided him with the same support system she had with all her friends and family. Hell, even Elizabeth was taken with him and that was before she knew of their blood relations.

Thinking about Elizabeth made Emily's thoughts wander a bit. They talked over the phone a little more about the situation. Elizabeth sounded sad as Emily talked with her, but surprisingly understanding. It was like she knew it was hardest on Emily and there was a sense of sad pride in her daughter. Emily just promised her mother that they would try to see each other more, all three of them, and work on being a family. She just needed to work on being a mother before she could work on being a better daughter. Elizabeth understood. They were already much better off.

Nate woke sometime during her internal drifting, almost frantic when he saw the time. Emily explained that she thought he needed more sleep and decided to keep him home.

"But I'm supposed to learn."

"You will, but you can't learn when you're sleep deprived, and I thought we could use a day for just the two of us."

That perked him up. "To do what?"

"Is there something you want to do?"

He thought about it. "I don't know. You're sick. Shouldn't we stay home?"

"I'm feeling much better Nate. We'll take it easy, so no extreme sports, but we can go out."

He decided that he wanted to go to the movies, which Emily figured he picked just because he didn't want her to do too much, despite her assurances. Still, it was a fun day. After the movie, they went to lunch. Emily took Nate to the museum for a short visit. It was just what they needed. It made Nate forget his worries temporarily, and it made Emily feel better.

They returned home just in time for Jack to get back from school. Nate was feeling better about things. Emily talked to him a little without bringing it up. She was showing him she'd be there rather than telling him. That was what she needed to do. Words were great, but it would take work and continued action to prove it to him.

Hotch arrived shortly after Jack. The boys were off doing their homework and Emily was starting dinner.

"You're home early," Emily said when she heard him come in.

"Yeah. And you're looking better."

"Thank you. I feel better, too."

"Need any help with dinner?"

"I don't think so. Everything's done. It just needs to bake now. The boys are going to set the table once we're ready to eat."

He nodded and took a seat at the table. Emily joined him.

"Want to talk about Nate?"

"He's… worried."

"About?"

"About me," she answered, "About being alone. He's been through so much in just a short amount of time and I think that has messed with his head. He's terrified that something will happen to me and he'll be left with no one."

"Even if something did happen, and I hope nothing else does, he wouldn't be alone. Not anymore," Hotch said.

"I know that. I just wish that he did."

"We'll help him see that. Maybe I can take him and Jack on a guy's day. Let him know that he'll always have us. He's part of my family too."

"That would be nice. He loves living with you guys. He likes having the male energy, I guess, and he likes having someone his own age around all the time. Jack's more fun than us old people."

"And he talks to Jack. I think he likes having someone in his age bracket who also experienced some of the things he has."

"You and Jack have been amazing to us, so thank you."

"Trust me. Having the two of you here is partly selfish. Jack and I ran out of things to talk about," he winked.

"I'm wondering if Nate should see a psychologist. There's one at the rehab center that works with families. It might help him see that, while James is struggling and not physically with us right now, he didn't abandon him."

"That's something to consider. Have you talked to James?"

"No," she snapped. She was angry with James still. He had been avoiding her and now she was also avoiding him, but it was counterproductive. Sighing, she continued, "I was going to go there and see him before I got sick. I still need to do that. There are some things we need to… discuss." More like things she needed to get off her chest and that he needed to hear.

"You should do that. I'd be happy to drive you if you needed."

"Actually, the doctor said that now that my brace is off, I can start driving again. Even with a few setbacks, my knee's healing. I'm not ready for a marathon, but I'm allowed to do some light jogging starting next week and can drive once I'm feeling better."

"That's great."

"But that brings me to my next thing. I need a favor."

"Name it."

"I need you to watch Nate for a few days after Halloween. I have some things I need to take care of, and I don't want to have him miss school."

"Where are you going?"

"I need to go to London. I know the timing is terrible. It's going to mess with Nate's head, but I need to go there to figure some things out. I can't keep putting it off."

"I'd be happy to watch him," Hotch answered, putting his hand on hers across the table letting her know he supported her. "Do what you need to."

"I'll give you more details once I have them… I just… I need to go there."

She needed to go there to either put her career with Interpol and her life in London to rest or plan a long-distance move with Nate. At that moment, she wasn't sure where she was leaning or what was best not just for her, but Nate too. For Nate, going there could be a fresh start or a nightmare. For her, leaving there would put an end to something she worked so hard to reach, but maybe continue to lead her in a direction she only dreamed a possibility.


	36. Nana

**Chapter 36: Nana**

The next few weeks passed quickly and with some drama among the days.

After Emily recovered from her cold, she thought it best to get back into a routine. Hotch insisted she stay at his place, telling her it would be good for both her and Nate. She didn't really want to go back to the house. Nate was happy there, happier than he was at the house, so she said she would impose a little longer. It bought her more time to work some other stuff out.

Emily was thrilled to help Nate prepare for their first Halloween together. During the weekend, Emily agreed to meet with her mother. Elizabeth had been itching for some face to face time with her and Nate. Before going, Emily sat Nate down and had a brief chat about Elizabeth.

"I know you don't know what to make of me being your mom yet, and I understand that, but my mother, Elizabeth, is your grandmother."

He squinted, that information only just connecting in his mind. "Really?"

"Yes. She is my mother and since I am yours, that makes her your biological grandmother."

"Do I have to call her grandmother? That seems… old."

Emily laughed. "Nothing has to change, Nate. Just like I don't expect you to call me mom, you don't have to call her anything other than Elizabeth, just like you have been. If you feel open to it, you can try calling her grandma or nana or whatever other name you might think of. I believe she'd like that."

He nodded, giving it some thought. _A grandma…_ Hmm. He never had any family besides his fathers and now it seemed he had more than he knew how to comprehend. He still had his dad, and he was grateful that he had the one still with him, but he was just as grateful that he had Emily and Hotch and JJ and Jack… Everyone. They treated him like family. Just like they treated Emily.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Nate asked.

"I don't. It was always just me."

"Like me," he said.

"Exactly."

He took a moment, his nose wiggling in thought. "Does everyone know that you're my mom?"

"That depends what you mean by everyone," Emily said. "You told Jack, so he knows, and your father told you as well as let my friends know." That was the simplest way to explain the game of telephone that held that revelation. "If that's everyone, then yes. They know, but, like you, they only recently found out."

"You never told anyone? Not even your mom?"

"No. I kept you all to myself," she said. Seeing the hurt look, she continued. "Like I said when we talked before, I loved you and still love you, but I couldn't talk about you to my friends and family because it was too hard. Thinking about you and wondering about you without really being around you hurt me because I wanted it so badly."

"I think…" Nate started. "I think if I knew about you, I would want it too. Want you around."

"You have no idea what that means to hear. I know that everything that has been happening can be overwhelming and, if you feel like it's too much, tell me. I don't want you to feel that way. You have a lot of new relationships these days. I just want you to know that we all love you. Ok?"

"Ok… I know."

"Now, my mother has been trying to get me to come for lunch since my birthday, and I think it's about time I go see her. I would like you to come if you're up for it. She would like to see you too."

"I want to come," he said. He liked Elizabeth, and now that they were officially family, he wanted to try to get to know her more too, just like he wanted with Emily.

"Good. She asked for a picture of you. I made some copies of a few pictures. Would you like to pick your favorite to put in the frame I got and give it to her?"

"Yeah."

"We can use your school picture, but I thought some of the others we took might be better."

Emily excused herself, bringing back an envelope full of pictures including copies of the ones in her Nate box. Curious, he asked her where some of these came from.

"They weren't at the house." Most of them weren't.

"These are the photos I was sent over the years. James knew how sad I was not being around you, so every year, he would send me two letters with a picture. These are the pictures."

"What was in the letters?"

"Well, they were all about you. He would say whatever was happening in your life at that time. It didn't matter so much what was in there. I wanted to know anything I could. I've memorized every detail. Whenever I was sad, I'd go into my box, the one you've seen me look at before, and I'd read the letters."

"Can I read them?"

"Maybe someday. When you're older," she told him.

"Ok." He had to accept that, he supposed. "This one," he said, handing Emily a picture. "That's the newest and I look good."

Emily smiled. "I agree. You're very handsome."

"Thank you," he bashfully replied. "Can I pick one that's not in the envelope to give her, too?"

"Absolutely. We're going to give her a bunch, but if you find another one you want to frame, we can probably find something to put it in."

"Cool," he said, and went into Emily's room to fetch the photo album she made with all the pictures James and Vince stored.

Sitting beside her, he started flipping through the pages until he found the Christmas one.

"I like this one. It makes me feel special because it kind of has all my parents in it," Nate explained pointing out that it was Emily holding him, Vince in the background, and James taking the picture. "You think she'll like this one, too?"

"I know she will. We can stop and make a copy of it on the way. Maybe you can pick out a nice frame for it too."

He liked the idea. He liked the idea of having more family and friends. It was new, and a little daunting, but he liked it. He missed his old life, but, more so, he just missed his dads. He liked the little things that Emily did and going to school every day. The new things.

"You ok, Nate? If this is weird, you don't have to come. Hotch said you could go with him and Jack and we can meet up later at the costume shop."

"No. I want to come," he said. "I was just thinking."

"About?"

"I miss my dad… Both dads, but I'm happy to have new family too. Is that ok?"

"Yes," she said with a smile, hand on his back. "It's more than ok. James and Vince love you very much. They will always be your fathers. Having me and all these new people in your life doesn't change that. It just gives you more people to love and who love you."

He smiled back, happy with that answer.

"Now, we should go. Shoes and coat, please."

They slipped on a pair of dress shoes and a nice coat to match their "Sunday best," before hopping into Emily's new car that she just leased and driving to the store. While Emily got the picture printed, Nate picked out a frame. He went with something classy, but still whimsical enough to see it was from a child. It suited the situation perfectly.

Once that was taken care of, they drove to Elizabeth's. Emily could see Nate was a little nervous, but she assured him he didn't need to be. Elizabeth liked him before, and she would like him now.

"She just wants to spend some time with us," she said. "Get to know you a little more."

She was right. That was all Elizabeth wanted: a chance to get to know her grandson and get reacquainted with her daughter. That was why she was so excited that Emily finally accepted her invitation. She hadn't seen them since Emily's birthday, and, though they talked on the phone, she wanted to spend time with them.

She went all out. It was a very Elizabeth thing to do. She had an assortment of kid friendly foods that Emily was sure her mother had never in her life eaten, all set up on fancy plates, plus toys and games galore.

"Why are you both so dressed up?" Elizabeth questioned.

Emily bit her tongue, preventing the sarcastic remark that was sitting there.

"We thought you would like that, Mother," Emily chose to say, knowing that any other occasion, she would expect Emily to be dressed in a nice blouse and pants at least. _Appearance is important, Emily,_ she could hear her mother say.

"Certainly, that's not appropriate play attire," Elizabeth said, pointing to Nate's button down and slacks. "I mean, Emily, give him a tie and a briefcase and ship him off to work already."

"I'm sorry?" Emily was confused. Her mother seemed to have gotten a mild lobotomy.

"No worries. Nate, I'm so happy you're here."

"Me too," he politely said.

"Why don't you quickly go check outside?" Elizabeth asked Nate. "I had a playset put up. I know you're a little older, so I tried to find the most appropriate one. Let me know if you like it."

He looked to Emily who nodded permission. "Ok," he said, and took off.

When he was gone, Emily eyed her mother. "You didn't have to do all of this."

"I wanted to."

"He'll like you either way."

"It's not that, not entirely," Elizabeth said, leading Emily to the table. "I just… He has been through a lot. You both have, you, more so than I ever realized. So, I just want him to have fun and enjoy coming to visit, which I hope you both will do from time to time."

"Of course, we will. But don't treat him too differently, ok? I saw how good you were with him before you knew. Don't try harder just because you know now. That could make him feel bad."

"Alright," Elizabeth said. She would try to oblige to a point. No way was Emily going to stop her from spoiling the boy from time to time. "Well then, while he's playing, should we talk a little more about what your plan is?"

"My plan?"

"With Nate," Elizabeth clarified.

"Mom, let's not talk about this now. Nate will be back any second and we have something we want to give you. So, let's enjoy our time together. Get to know your grandson."

"I will. But we will also talk about this," she said with finality.

Emily knew they would. Her mother didn't easily let things go.

"I think we might have lost Nate to the playset. I'm going to see what he's up to. We're going out after this and I don't want him to be too dirty."

"I'll tag along."

When they got outside, Emily saw the play scape. It was… massive. There was a wooden spaceship set up like a fort near the giant tree, a swing set and slide just off to the side.

"Emily, this is awesome," Nate called once he saw her.

"Now he's never going to want to leave," Emily joked with her mom.

"I'm ok with that," Elizabeth said. "But the food is ready and I'm hungry."

"I'll get him and get cleaned up. We'll meet you at the table."

Elizabeth nodded and went inside as Emily got Nate. He seemed to be having so much fun which made Emily happy, but they were there to spend time with Elizabeth. He was disappointed that he couldn't play longer, but Emily told him that he could play a little after lunch and before they had to go. He was still so excited about the prospect of Halloween shopping that he was happy to listen.

For the most part, it was an uneventful lunch. Emily tried to stay passive in the conversation, allowing Elizabeth and Nate the opportunity to talk with each other and ask questions. Of course, she participated. They wanted to include her which, naturally, thrilled her, but she still wanted it to be about them.

"Are you excited about Halloween, Nate?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah. I don't know what I'm going to be yet, but we're going to pick it out today. We were supposed to go last week, but Emily wasn't feeling well, so we waited. Jack and Henry are coming with us too."

"I'm sure whatever you pick will be perfect."

Elizabeth smiled. As Nate talked, she noticed things about him that she hadn't before. His smile looked so much like Emily's and the way he laughed sounded just like her as a child. It was all enough to bring a tear of joy to her eye, but what made it fall was when she noticed that he shared the same curious gaze that Emily had, the one she got from her father. It felt like a piece of her late husband was back with them, and it warmed her heart.

"Are you ok, Mom?" Emily asked.

"Absolutely splendid," she answered. "Now, Nate. This isn't your first Halloween, is it?"

"Nope. My dads would take me trick-or-treating. It was just them and me. This time I have friends."

"And Emily."

"Emily's my friend, too. My friend," he said, adding, "and my mom."

"So she is," Elizabeth said, and, sensing the slight change in the atmosphere's tone, continued, "Emily rarely went trick-or-treating as a child."

Nate gasped, aghast. "What? Why not?"

"We moved around often when Emily was young," Elizabeth said.

"Like me," Nate responded.

"Yes, like you," Emily added, "But in other countries, Halloween isn't, or at least hadn't been, celebrated like it is here. They have their own customs and usually that meant no trick-or-treating."

"Did you never go?" he asked.

"Once or twice."

"Did you go with her?" Nate asked Elizabeth.

"I'm afraid not."

"Then you have to come!" Nate was thrilled. "You can come with me and Emily and she can dress up too."

"Nate," Emily was about to admonish. It was a nice idea in theory… "I'm too old to go trick-or-treating."

"So? You can still dress up, and Nana too."

Elizabeth smiled so brightly. _Nana_… She was Nana. Emily saw the look and knew she could ask her mother for anything and she would have said yes at that moment.

"I think that's a great idea, Nate," Elizabeth said, the gleefulness permeating.

"Mom," Emily tried to break in, but it was pointless.

"Oh, Emily. It will be fun. You can dress up with Nate and I can chaperone."

"I'm old enough to not need a chaperone… And if I did, there will be three other adults with us."

"You have to," Nate pleaded.

"We can have a Halloween as adults that I never had with you as a child."

"We can talk about it later," Emily huffed.

Emily didn't like that Elizabeth found a little friend to gang up on her with, but she did like seeing the two get on so well. She had hope that they would all have a happy, functional relationship at some point, James included, though just thinking about him made her angry sometimes.

"Are you listening, Dear?" Elizabeth got Emily's attention.

"Yes. Yes, I heard you, but I'm going to let Nate pick whichever costume he wants when we get to the shop. It's not my choice or yours."

"We were talking about your costume, Emily, but that is good to know. Nate," Elizabeth addressed him, "You can be whatever you would like to be."

He just giggled.

Ultimately, lunch was a success. Nate and Elizabeth bonded, the latter sharing a few stories about Emily that Emily wished she hadn't, but that helped Nate get to know Emily a little better too. More stories came about when Nate gave Elizabeth the photos they brought, and she was nearly brought to tears looking at them. As she put the two framed ones up on the mantle, she grabbed her own album full of family pictures to show Nate. He liked it.

"Nate, we have a half hour before we need to get going. If you want to play outside, you can, but remember your jacket."

"Alright. Sweet. See you later Nana," he said and wasted no time running off.

"He's much more sociable than he was when I first met him," Elizabeth told Emily.

"Well, there was a lot happening and you were a total stranger to him."

"I'm trying to pay you a compliment, Emily. Allow me to do that. Don't sell yourself short. You may not have raised that boy, but you are raising him now, and you're doing a fine job of it," she said.

"Mom…" Emily blushed. "You're just saying that…"

"I'm serious. I noticed it before I found out he is my grandson. You've been good for him. Despite my anger about James and this Vince character cutting you out of his life, I believe they did the best they could for him. They raised a beautiful, happy, healthy young boy. But they also raised a sheltered, socially withdrawn boy. You helped him see that he had a support system and family bigger than just his fathers and that it was ok to trust and rely on others. You did that, and you did it in a few months. Be proud of that."

"I… I am," she admitted. "They were… are good fathers. James is a good man and a good father, but because of what was happening, they had to keep him in a bubble. I'm trying to break him out of that."

"You have. Now, since the topic is broached, let's finish our chat from earlier."

"About?"

"About what your plans are. For you. For Nate. And your future together."

"What are you getting at?"

Elizabeth sighed and looked around before saying, "Let's start with this. You're up on your feet again. You're mobile and able to work. Do you have plans to go back to London?"

"Permanently?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"It's something I'm considering…" One of many, many possibilities floating around her head.

"If you don't, what will you do?"

"I don't know. I'm going back to London for a short trip soon. I'll know more after that."

"I think you need to come to some kind of decision with that, because that will affect a lot of what comes next."

"Like?"

"Eventually, James is going to get out of the rehab center, and he's going to want Nate back. What are your plans to ensure your rights to Nate?"

Emily had been trying to avoid thinking about that. Mostly, she just hadn't wanted to think about James so she didn't get any angrier.

"I don't know yet. I don't know what my options are."

"What are you thinking?"

"I said I don't know. I know I don't want to lose him in my life, but that's it."

"I can call in some favors, get you a good lawyer… You can fight for him."

"Please don't get involved. I don't want to force Nate into a custody battle. I don't know what, if any rights I have, and I will look into it, but I don't want to take Nate from his dad."

"But he can take Nate from you?"

"I don't know… I don't know," Emily kept repeating. The thought of losing him again terrified her. That, to her, was worse than many of the other things that she ever feared.

"Have you thought about it at all?" Elizabeth asked.

"Of course I have," she defensively replied.

"I know you love James, and I loved the kid he was and the friend he was to you. I believe he was an amazing father, but I don't know what he'll be like now. The death and his injury changed him. I hope that he can be the man you remember him being, even a different version of that man, and I hope that he realizes cutting you out of Nate's life again would be wrong, but I'm a realist, and I know that things don't work as we hope, so you have to take steps to ensure they do."

Emily took what her mother said and banked it for later, but right now, she just didn't want to start a battle she wasn't sure she had a chance of winning.

"I have a lawyer. He's a friend of Hotch's who helped me get temporary custody of Nate. Right now, I'm granted custody until James is proven fit enough to care for Nate again. I will speak to him about my options if that happens and come up with a tentative plan should we need it."

"Good," Elizabeth said. "I can see how much you love him. I didn't realize how much pain you must've carried over the years about this and everything else in your life."

"What are you talking about?"

"Emily, even with everything happening, all the bad, when I saw you at the cabin caring for Nate, there was something different about you."

"Other than my hair and the messed-up knee?" Emily remarked.

"Yes," Elizabeth said, placing her hand on Emily's. "I didn't know what it was, but there was a sense of…" she tried to come up with the right word, "Lightness, maybe. Like there was something missing and you found it. When you left DC all those years ago, you did so with barely a few words. You were hurting, I get that now, and throughout the years, you were able to push past the feelings you buried, but with Nate around, those feelings were gone."

"Maybe… I love Nate. I love having him in my life. It's hard and sometimes I think I'm doing everything wrong, but I know I would do anything for him and all I want is to be there for him."

"Make sure it happens, Emily. Both of you need each other."

She could tell Elizabeth had more to say. She was sure her mother wanted her to go at it hard, hire the best and use that shark to make James wish he never turned his back on her, but Emily couldn't do that. As mad as she was at him, she still held some hope that he would try to correct the past actions by making different choices now. Time would tell, but she didn't want to go forth with any legal action unless she had to.

"I appreciate that you care and want me to fight, but I want to see how things play out before I make a drastic move. I hope you can respect that."

"As long as you keep me apprised and know that I'm on your side. Don't let him go this time."

"I didn't want to let him go last time," Emily quietly said, defending what happened.

"Exactly. You didn't want to, but you had to. They cut you out of his life, and, I don't know, maybe that worked out in the end because it brought you to your family and helped you find yourself, but now he's older, he knows you, and he won't want to give you up any more than you want to give him up."

"I'll do my best to make sure no one goes anywhere," Emily assured.

"Do, because I don't want to know what happens to either of you should you be separated."

"I'll call the lawyer once I get a chance. It's not an immediate threat."

"That's all I ask." Elizabeth put her hands together, grasping them on the table in front of her, and leaned forward just a tad. "I want you to do whatever you think is best for you," she said, "But I just wanted to give you another alternative to think about in case you decide not to return to London."

"A job alternative?"

"Yes. Remember Ambassador Greenwald?"

"I do. She was with us in Paris and you'd have her for tea every Sunday when we were in DC."

"Well, she was asking about you and what you were up to. Asked if you were still good at languages."

"Your point?" Emily asked.

"Her husband works at a medical research company that works with labs around the world. They require someone with skills like yours to be a translator. If you're interested, I can pass along his number."

"I'll let you know. Ok?"

"Alright. I just wanted to give you something to consider. Now that I have, we can move on."

"Next time," Emily said. "Nate and I should head out if we want to meet the others on time."

Elizabeth nodded and stood with Emily. "Thank you for coming. I hope you had a nice time."

"I did, Mom. Thanks for having us."

"Thank you for letting me get to know him and allowing me to get to know you again." She smiled. "I'm sad about the situation that led us here, but I am happy we ended up here."

"I get it. Me too."

Emily had a lot of confusing feelings, but the one that was clearest was her happiness for being in Nate's life and for having the opportunity she had however it came about.

Smiling, she hugged her mother and went to get Nate.

"Bye Nana," Nate said as they left, Emily promising they would see each other again soon. Elizabeth planned to hold her to that.

Emily and Nate made it to the costume shop just as everyone else was arriving. The group searched high and low for costumes, though the shop was somewhat depleted. In all honesty, Emily thought it was more fun for the adults than it was the children. They, too, had a blast, of course, but, for the adults, it was a chance to be more playful than they normally were.

Emily and Hotch threw on some roaring 20s gear that made the kids laugh, asking if people really dressed like that. It became as educational as it was fun. In the end, the adults found costumes. Each of them was dressing for a Halloween party at Dave's after trick-or-treating. With the new addition and the change in dynamic between them all, Dave thought it would be a good time for the kids and adults to just spend some fun quality time together, especially since Emily was going away shortly after.

With Nate and Jack's input, Emily and Hotch both bought the 20's garb, Hotch more of a time period mobster than anything else. JJ and Will went all cutesy with matching costumes. Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Penelope went all out. From the face paint down to the shoes, she was determined to be the embodiment of some other-worldly creature that no one knew about but her and maybe Spencer. Spencer was undecided, said he had too many options to choose from and couldn't pick yet. Dave told them they'd see his costume once they showed up, and Derek left his fate in Penelope's hands, something the others advised him was risky. He didn't care, though, and now everyone would be festive for the party. They were set, and everyone went home.

After shopping, Emily knew she needed to sit down with Nate and warn him about her trip. Another talk, she thought exhaustedly. She was sure he felt the same way. She dropped hints to ease the blow but was worried about his reaction. She truly hated to have another talk with Nate, and it was possible she was making a bigger deal out of things than she needed to, but, given his recent behaviors and how the whole finding out she was his mom thing wasn't yet resolved completely; she still had issues with that as well, so she thought it necessary. Nate would want to come with her, but he had school and she had things she needed to do on her own. He would have to understand.

"Got everything in your bag ready for school tomorrow?" Emily asked Nate, finding him sitting on the floor cleaning up some of his art supplies.

"Yup. Homework and permission slip are in my folder in my bag."

"Good," she said and smiled, sitting on the bed. "Did you put your costume away like I asked?"

"Hanging on my half of our closet, right next to Jack's costume.

Emily didn't miss the "our closet" part. He was getting too used to being there. Although that made her happy, it also made her realize that she needed to find them something of their own, something permanent that wasn't the house or one of her friend's places. That was the next major thing she needed to work on. After her trip.

She eased her way into the conversation, brought up their Halloween plans and talked about how excited she was to take him out. Emily even shared one of the few Halloween memories she had that was sharable with an impressionable child. He talked about how he was looking forward to making new memories just like she was.

"And I get to wear my costume to school. That's gonna be cool. I've never done that."

"It'll be fun. Jack told me that there's a costume parade and trunk-or-treating."

"I know. Are you going to come?"

"Yes. Hotch has to work, but I will be there with candy and set up our car for you and Jack."

"Awesome."

He seemed genuinely so excited so Emily really couldn't wait for Halloween either, but the sooner it came, the sooner she would be going to London.

"Do you remember me telling you that I had stuff in London still?"

"Like your apartment and job?"

"Yes, like that?"

He nodded.

"Well, Clyde still lives there, and he has been taking care of things for me, but he said he needed to see me. In person."

"Is he coming for a visit?"

"No. I'm going to visit him."

"We are?"

"Not we," she carefully corrected. "After Halloween, I'm going to fly to London for a few days."

"But not me?"

"No. You have school and you'd miss your field trip."

"But I want to go with you. What if something happens?"

"No one is after us anymore, Nate. I'm not going there to hide or run away. I'm just going to take care of some things, and then I'll come back."

"I still want to go."

"I know. And I would love for you to come with me, but you have things to do here."

"Will I stay here with Hotch and Jack?"

"Yes. Unless you'd like to go stay with someone else."

He vehemently shook his head. "If I can't go, I want to stay here."

"Ok. Hotch said that he wanted you to stay here too. But that means if he gets a case and has to go away, you and Jack can't go with him."

"Then what happens?"

"Well, Nana said you and Jack could stay with her or she could come stay in the apartment with the two of you."

His eyes lit up. "We should stay with her. She has a whole park in her backyard."

"Ok. I'll let her know and see how Jack feels about that, too."

"He'll want to stay there. I know."

"I'll still double check."

"If you have to," he said, rolling his eyes. "But I'm right."

"I'm sure you are." Emily smiled before asking him to look at her. "Are you ok with me leaving?"

"I don't have a choice. Do I?"

"I'd like to think that, for most things, you always have a choice. If you really don't want me to go, I will postpone until Thanksgiving when you're off from school and we can go together."

"Is what you have to do important?"

"Yes. It is."

Sadly, he shrugged. "Then I guess you shouldn't wait. I'm sad you're going, but if you promise not to get hurt again and call lots, then I'll be ok."

"I'll call so much you'll be sick of me."

He shook his head again. "You're not going to miss Halloween, are you?" he asked, hopefully.

"No. I'm going to leave Saturday afternoon, so you have me all week."

"Ok."

He was happy with that, but Emily could tell he was sad. There were a lot of unresolved feelings in Nate's life, both with his fathers and Emily. With the trauma of losing Vince and then nearly losing James, plus the crash when Emily was hurt and the Bardolino family hunting them down, he had been through so much. No one would expect him to be perfect or even as ok as he was. But he was doing well.

"I also wanted to ask you something else, Nate, and you can be honest. However you answer, it's your choice."

He silently waited for her to continue.

"Before I leave, I will be seeing your father. Would you like to come with me?"

"No," he quickly answered.

"No? Are you sure? Do you want to think about it?"

"No. I don't want to see him. He doesn't want to see me, so I don't want to see him either."

"That's not –"

"I don't want to see him," Nate insisted before coming up with an excuse to get her out of the room and, thus, off the topic.

"What the hell just happened?" Emily asked herself before finding Hotch to fill him in on her plans.

From that point on, the rest of the week was calm. The kids were excited for Halloween. The team had to go on a case that kept them away for a few days, but they made it home by Thursday evening.

That morning, just after getting the call from Hotch that they were on their way home, Emily decided there was no more putting it off. It was time to confront James and get her feelings off her chest. She needed to just get it over with and spend the next two days before she left worried only about Nate.

So, she dressed, sent the boys off to school, and then checked in with Penelope after her daily jog.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Penelope offered.

"Thanks Pen, but this is something I need to do on my own."

"I get that, but I could drive with you. You know, keep you company. The team's gone, case over, and all my work can wait."

"I appreciate it, but I'll be ok. I don't need a babysitter."

"And I don't want to babysit a competent adult. I just want to be supportive."

"You're always supportive, PG. Relax for the rest of the day. I can handle this. I'll be fine. Just… If it gets too late, I might call you to watch the boys until I get back. That ok?"

"Oh, I would love that. Please take your time."

"I see how it is. Talk later Pen."

"I hope you get what you need from the visit."

"Me too."

Hanging up, Emily got into her car and drove to the rehab facility. The entire drive, she was nervous. All the feelings she had been ignoring were beginning to bubble up to the surface. She was angry at him, but simultaneously grateful. Everything seemed so conflicting and made it more difficult. Really, all she wanted was to understand. She wanted to understand why he told Nate she was his mom without even warning her, especially since he didn't really want Nate to know. She wanted to understand how he could hurt Nate by not wanting to see him.

She just needed answers… Just something to help her understand some of it.

Before heading to his room, Emily caught up with some of the doctors. She got news about his progress beyond what the phone calls gave. They seemed happy with his recovery and hoped he would keep on the same path.

"I hope so too," she told them. "Thanks for meeting with me."

They shook hands before Emily wandered off toward James' room. When she got there, he was inside, sitting by the window working on a puzzle at the desk. She stood just outside the door and watched for a moment before taking a deep breath and knocking.

"Hello James," she greeted.

He moved as quickly as he could to face her. Surprised, he said, "Emily?"

"You look well."

"What are you doing here?"

"I think we need to talk. Don't you?"

He blinked and nodded. "I guess we do."


	37. Confrontation

**Chapter 37: Confrontation **

"Hello James," she greeted.

He moved as quickly as he could to face her. Surprised, he said, "Emily?"

"You look well."

"What are you doing here?"

"I think we need to talk. Don't you?"

He blinked and nodded. "I guess we do." He pursed his lips before pulling the walker closer to him and getting up. "Come in."

She slowly walked into the room taking a seat on the small sofa adjacent to the window. He moved the desk chair across from her and sat too, all while Emily watched. She knew what the doctors said. The seizures, which he was still having, were working against the therapy he was doing. He was getting better, but the seizures caused weakness after, so sometimes it didn't seem like he was.

"How are you?" he asked, the first to break the silence.

"How do you think I am?" she practically growled. "Why did you do it, James?"

"Do what?"

"You know what! Why did you tell him like that? We talked about it. You said you didn't want him to know yet and we agreed we would tell him together down the road, but then you decided to drop the bombshell and saunter off to leave me with the fallout. What the hell?"

"I didn't do that."

"Oh, so it was your imaginary twin who told Nate I am his mother?"

"No… I told him, but it wasn't a bomb, Emily. I did you a favor."

"How is that?"

"You wanted him to know. I know you did, and, on some level, he needed to know, wanted to even."

"That doesn't make the execution ok. He didn't need more on his plate, James. He's a nine-year-old boy who lost his dad and went through a traumatic experience. He didn't need any more surprises. I just don't understand what compelled you to tell him like that."

James looked away from Emily, his eyes focused on something out in the distance through the window. Quietly, still looking, he said, "I realized that my son didn't need me. He lost Vince and he lost me, but he could still have you. He needed you."

"So," she started, a humorless laugh sitting in the back of her throat. "You _gave_ me to him?"

"I did," he defended.

"No, you took the easy way out for your mistakes," she countered.

"My mistakes?" he incredulously asked.

"Yes, _your_ mistakes."

"Which mistakes are those?"

"Where do I start, James? There have been so many."

"Emily…"

She could hear it. He was going to give her some platitude or something she just didn't want to hear.

"No James. I look back on our friendship now and I have to ask myself if it ever meant anything to you."

"How can you even question that?"

"Easily, looking back," she mockingly answered, the anger she had repressed starting to boil over.

"I didn't do anything that would make you question our friendship. Of course, it meant something. It still means something to me, Emily."

"I'm not so sure," she countered and continued before he could add his own input. "I know what Vince has meant to you, and I understand what falling in love feels like, even how deep into things you can fall… But it's like the moment you met Vince, our friendship changed."

"That's not true."

"It is true. It wasn't that we spent less time together. That happened, but that was expected." She unconsciously leaned forward toward him. "When we were young, we made a pact to always be truthful with each other, to hold nothing back and be honest with one another. For the most part, we were true to that. We kept our words. Now, though, I can look back and see exactly when that stopped. When you met Vince… Everything changed after that. Everything you told me, especially about him, was lies."

"Not everything was a lie. Our friendship and how much you mean to me wasn't a lie."

"Well," she exasperatedly stated, "At least you can admit it wasn't all the truth either."

"I did lie to you about some things. There's no point in denying what you already know. I kept things from you and got creative with some of the facts that I shared, but that had nothing to do with you or our friendship."

"Oh no?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"Because he trusted me, too. He asked me to keep his secrets, and I did for as long as I possibly could."

"At the cost of our friendship and Nate's safety…"

"No! For the sake of my relationship."

"Which came with a cost," Emily added. "I understand that you did it for Vince, but that doesn't mean that you didn't give up on us, because you did. You gave up on us and gambled with Nate's future… All to be with a liar."

"Don't talk about him that way," James demanded, the emotion bringing out his stuttering speech.

Emily nodded. "I won't speak ill of the dead. There was a time when Vince and I got along, if for no other reason than he made you happy. The three of us had some good times together." Naturally, though, they were surrounded by more bad times. "I don't want to write off the good memories, but you can't deny that there came a point when you could have either trusted me with the truth, with secrets you knew I'd keep and even help with, or lie to get what you wanted. At every opportunity, you chose to lie."

"It wasn't a choice."

"You always had a choice."

"No. I didn't."

"Yes," she firmly stated, "You did."

"Tell me what I was supposed to do."

"I don't know, James. Found a balance, I guess. You told me that his dad was trouble, but you led me to believe he was unsupportive, maybe a little abusive and he wanted to escape that life. I felt for him and I helped you, but that affected many of my decisions and I don't think that's fair. You chose to lie."

"I chose to protect him. You would have done the same."

"Exactly James. I would have done the same. I would have helped you both be safe and get away from Bardolino. But you didn't tell me, and you led me to believe I was helping bring Nate into a safe and happy environment. That wasn't the case."

"Are you saying that you wouldn't have given us your eggs if you had known?"

"I don't know, James. I don't know what I would have done then, especially not from this perspective when I've met Nate and love him. Things, though, would have been very different."

"I don't think it's fair to put your choices onto me."

"I'm not putting my decisions on you. I'm fine with my decisions based on the information I had. My problem is with you always making choices for me. You decided I couldn't know the truth about Vince, you decided I was going to have a part in Nate's life, then you decided I wasn't. You, whether intentionally or not, made decisions for me that affected my life. You made choices and gave me promises or assurances and it all amounted to nothing. It was all nothing," she said, voice filled with conviction and emotion.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't see it at all, do you?"

"Look, I know I upset you by telling Nate when we said we'd wait, but you're overreacting."

"This isn't about that," she insisted. "Well, not all about that."

"Then tell me what is bothering you. Clearly it has been on your mind for years."

"A lot has been on my mind for many years, James." She shook her head, trying to work past the anger and sadness built up inside of her. "But, most of all, I just want to know one thing."

"What?" he asked, genuinely. He loved Emily. Even with the distance between them over the years, he still considered her one of his closest friends. One of his only friends.

"I've been through so much in my life, a lot of hurt, but nothing… _Nothing_ hurt as bad as you hurt me by allowing me to get close to Nate and then taking him away from me." She waited for him to meet her gaze. "That nearly killed me."

"Emily…"

"No. Let me finish," she said, her voice stern. "I wasn't sure I wanted to help you, not because I didn't want you to have children, but because I didn't know if I could have a piece of me out there and not be a real part of his or her life. You promised me…" She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "You told me that, if I did this, you'd be there for me, too, and that I would have some role in his life. _You_, my once best friend, told me that I didn't need to worry. That I would always have a place in your life and the life of any child you might have. I trusted in that. I trusted you. Then Vince felt threatened and it was to hell with Emily. I forgave you for not telling me about Nate right away, but I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that."

"I already said I was sorry. I _am_ sorry."

"Maybe sorry isn't enough. Not after everything. I love you. I always will. For a while, it felt like we were all each other had, but you found someone better and I was expendable to you. I don't want someone in my life when I'm expendable to them."

"You're not."

She held up her hand to stop him from saying more.

"Clearly I am. I made some poor choices over the years, many of which, I'm sure were related to my own grief and sadness over Nate and our friendship that I wasn't dealing with."

"He isn't dead."

"No, not physically, but to me, he might as well have been. I was taunted with his memory but not allowed to touch him or talk with him. He was a ghost. He was a ghost that followed me every moment of everyday no matter how much I denied it. And it didn't have to be that way. You made it that way."

"I didn't."

"You did," she said more forcefully. "You did that. Vince made me no real promises. I didn't have a long-standing, trusting, familial relationship with him, but I did with you. I gave you everything, and you took it all away from me. I don't know how we come back from that."

"I don't understand, Emily. If you didn't want the letters, you should have said something."

"You're not hearing me," she indignantly said. He truly didn't understand. "I loved the letters. I loved hearing about him and seeing him grow however I could. I cherish those letters. They were my only connection to him, but that didn't make it any easier to move on. Every letter reopened the wounds. Every time I met someone who shared his name, I hurt."

"He's in your life now, isn't that enough?"

Emily humorlessly laughed. Was that enough? No, it wasn't enough. It didn't make up for all the time she missed and all the milestones she would never experience all because he fell through on his promises. It didn't change anything at all. It was no real comfort. Anyone could be sorry. It didn't change the continuous responsibility and stress that he put on her or the constant fear that what she now had could all be taken away at any moment.

She took a deep breath, hoping to release some of the emotion, and continued, "Let's talk about that. Again, you made the choice to run away. Only this time, you left him behind. You shut me out and shut your son out too. You can do whatever you want to me, I guess, but that was unfair to him. So many of the things you have done lately have been unfair to him."

He had the intelligence to appear contrite. "How is he?"

"Oh, you finally care?"

"I've always cared," he insisted.

"Then you should show it." Again, Emily took a calming breath. "I'm leaving Saturday. I'm going to London where I am going to decide if I am going back there or leaving my job to move back here."

"You can't move there!"

"Why not?" she asked incredulously.

"Because you can't. Think about Nate," he pleaded. He knew he was still in no position to care for his son and that Emily had custody of him, a written legal note that he, himself, had made. But that didn't mean she had his permission to whisk Nate a whole ocean away.

"All I do is think about Nate. London could be a fresh start for him, just as it was for me."

"London is nothing but bad memories for everyone."

"No. Nate knows bad things happened there, just as they have here, but he didn't witness what happened to you and Vince. He remembers the weeks we all spent together, the laughs we shared, and the fun adventure we went on together. He has more good memories than bad."

"No! You can't take him. I won't let you."

"You won't _let_ me?" she laughed. "Right now, you have no say. He's in my custody and I can do what I want."

"You can't. You can't do this."

"Why does it matter? You don't want to see him, said as much yourself. You haven't talked to him or anything since we brought you here. Why do you suddenly care?"

"I've always cared." He was panicking. She could see the look on his face, the same grief stricken worry she tried to conceal most of the last decade. "I'll fight you on this. You can't take him."

"I can do what I want."

She was taunting him intentionally. She got a twisted sense of satisfaction watching him squirm, but she wasn't heartless.

"Please, Emily… I'm sorry."

"Relax, James. That feeling, that desperate, empty feeling you have right now… I've carried that with me for years now. I'd never take Nate away from you. You are his father, just as Vince was, and he needs you in his life, which is why I'm here. I'm angry with you and I don't think we can ever repair the damage here, but Nate needs you in his life. I'm angry you told him I was his mother and you didn't even stick around to work that out with him, but I don't care. I don't quite know how to feel, but I know I love him, and he loves me. We're going to work on that together, him and I. I'm here for him. When I come back from London, I will bring him here, and you will spend time with him. You will stop ignoring him and stop pushing him away because he needs you. He needs his only remaining father in his life."

James was a little confused. What was happening? "So… So you're not going to take him and move to London?"

"I haven't decided yet," she truthfully admitted. "But, whatever I choose, I wouldn't do to you what you did to me. Where we go, you go," she said, before standing and walking to get his wheelchair. Rolling it over to him, she said, "Get in."

"I can walk."

"I'm sure, but we're going for a ride and, trust me, this will be easier for both of us. I need to get back to Nate, so get in."

"Where are we going?"

"To confront some demons," she cryptically answered.

He asked more questions along the way, but Emily wasn't exactly in a talkative mood and didn't really care to respond. Maybe she was being petty or maybe she was just finally dealing with her feelings for him, but she realized, this was a man who, though she would always share some kind of love with, she didn't like very much anymore.

"We're here," Emily said about forty-five minutes later.

"A cemetery?" he asked. "Where my parents are buried? Why are we here?"

"I told you, we're facing demons. For you, that means Vince's death. He's buried here."

James was silent as Emily helped him into the wheelchair and escorted him toward the grave. He wasn't happy with the situation. He liked to lament in his grief. Well, he didn't like it, but he felt his anger and sadness were deserved, and that was where he needed to be. So, as she pushed him to the grave, he moped.

"Why are we here? I don't want to be here."

"We're here because you're an asshole," she said, no longer holding her tongue. "Vince is dead. It was tragic for you and Nate, but that's the reality, and you must face it. You need to face his death, deal with your own trauma, and then learn how to be a father to Nate again. I'm not playing your games anymore. This is what's happening, and I'll try to help when and if I can, but I won't be your crutch. I am there for Nate, one hundred percent, but that doesn't mean I'm at your beck and call any longer."

"You weren't."

"I was. You know I was. That was why you came to me in London. You could have went to any authority, had Vince turn in what he knew in exchange for protection… I don't know. You had other options, but you came to me because you knew I'd drop everything for you and Nate. You weren't wrong, and I won't ever stop that for Nate, but we're done," she wanted that point to get across. She wasn't cutting him out of her life, but she was putting a limit on their relationship moving forward.

He didn't respond, just hung his head low and looked around as they moved through the dirt path.

"Stop," he eventually said.

"What? Are you ok?" Emily worriedly asked.

"This is where my parents are buried."

"I know."

He hadn't recognized it immediately.

"We're heading to where their graves are."

"We are," she agreed.

"Is he… Is he near them?"

"As close as I could get without asking the dead to move."

He wanted to say thank you, but the words didn't come.

"Can we see them first?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

Emily helped him to the pair of gravestones and asked if he wanted her to go.

"Stay. I just… It's been a while since I've been here."

"Ok."

He talked to his parents. He told them about Nate and all that happened. It was good for him to get it out. Therapy helped, but this was pure release. There was no judgment or talking back when talking with the dead. Emily tried not to overhear much, but he didn't ask her to leave, so she knew he wasn't going to say anything too personal. She was right.

Quietly, James put a hand on each of the gravestones and bowed his head, saying a silent prayer for them. Emily bowed her head with him out of respect.

"Where is he?" James asked, not looking at her.

"We can walk from here. I'll help you," she said, holding out her arm for him to take.

She escorted him only a few plots away and stood him in front of the relatively new stone.

"I didn't know what you'd like, but I allowed Nate to help me pick out a few things. We were hoping you would have been awake for the service, but we couldn't wait any longer. Nate needed closure and this was the only way I knew how to try and give it to him."

"It's… It's exactly what I would have picked."

"I'm glad," Emily said, squeezing his shoulder. "I'm going to give you some space, but I'll leave your chair here."

"Thanks."

Emily walked away, far enough that he had some privacy, but not so far that she wouldn't reach him in time if something happened. She watched as James carefully and slowly lowered himself to the ground, his hand never leaving the headstone. She couldn't hear what he was saying, and she was glad she couldn't. She knew he needed this moment to truly face facts. Before, he was only told Vince was dead. He was there and saw what happened, but he didn't want to believe it. Now, he saw the grave and, unlike the one that used to be marked Emily Prentiss, it was very, very real.

She could see he was inspecting the inscription, his hand tracing over the epitaph. Emily chose to keep it simple, but true to who she knew Vince was – who she believed he was to Nate and James. A loving husband and a loving father. He was a shit friend to her, potentially even her nemesis, but he was good to them, and when she was setting him to rest, she kept that in mind.

James was happy with it. He sat before the grave, shoulders slumped and tears pooling at his eyes. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. For weeks, he was able to focus on his own deficits and injuries so he didn't have to think about the absence. Vince was just off on a vacation or something… But seeing the stone and knowing that his body was buried in there… It hurt. There was no denying it, and it made him experience the death all over again.

"I miss you so much," he said. "I wish I was here to say goodbye with Nate. You deserved that, but I'm here now. I'm here and I'm working on getting better for our son. Emily has been taking good care of him… and me. I hope you can see that wherever you are. Just… Know that I love you."

James remained quiet, once again indulging in a silent prayer for his lost love.

"I'll never find anyone like you again," James said. "Wouldn't want to even if I could."

He kissed his fingers and brought them to the V in Vince's name, allowing his fingers to linger a little longer. He didn't really want to go, but he didn't really want to stay either. Being there wasn't being with Vince, it was just a reality check and a chance to say goodbye.

"I'll keep you with me, always," he told Vince. "Always."

James struggled to get back to his feet and, Emily rushed to his side.

"I got you," she said, helping.

"Thanks."

"Are you ready to go?" she asked once he was stable.

"I'm ready."

He didn't look back as they walked away, Emily pushing the wheelchair as he leaned on it and her for support. Emily said nothing, and neither did he. Being at cemeteries wasn't easy for Emily and having to say goodbye wasn't easy for James.

When they got to the car, Emily helped James in before getting in and taking off. She waited for him to start any conversation if there was to be one. He was clearly emotional. He sniffled every so often, wiping a tear from his cheek each time.

Emily didn't say anything until James was back in his room, his mood somber and his spirits low.

"Hey," Emily called for his attention. "I know it's hard, but you needed to deal with it. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for your loss. Whatever he was to me, I know you loved him, and he loved you. You and Nate were his everything."

"We were."

"I like to think that, somewhere out there, he's still watching out for you both, trying to take care of you in some ethereal way. I don't know. That's what I want to believe, for you and for Nate."

"I hope so."

Emily gave him a small gentle smile before grabbing her purse. "Here," she said, pulling out a few pieces of paper. "Nate drew these for you a while back. I told him I'd get them to you."

"Did… Does he know you're here?"

"Yes. He does. I told him I was coming and asked him if he wanted to come along too."

"He said no," James gathered.

"He's reacting to your choices, James. Every choice you make impacts the people closest to you, especially him. You can't expect him to want to come here when you made it abundantly clear that wasn't what you wanted."

He didn't respond, just looked away.

"I should go," Emily said. "Nate should be home soon. Tomorrow's Halloween. I'll send pictures. Then I'm leaving Saturday. I'll be back in about a week. Don't contact Nate while I'm gone unless he contacts you first. He has been through enough, and when you see or talk to each other again, I want to be around."

He sighed, but he agreed with her. "Where's he staying?"

"He's staying with Hotch and Jack. My mother and Pen both offered to watch him if Hotch gets called away."

"You have it covered," James said, almost sad that she could handle parenting so well.

"If you find it in yourself to actually want to know how he's doing, you can call them."

It came off meaner than intended, but she wasn't apologetic.

"Thanks."

"I'll come by with Nate once I get back, but I'll check in with you first."

"Ok. Sounds good," he replied.

"Bye, James."

"Emily," he stopped her. "It won't ever be like it once was, will it?"

"Not even close," she sadly replied, sighing. "What we were ended a long time ago. It's time we accept that."

She walked away before he could respond and headed for her car. Buckled in, she took a moment to just breath. It felt like a long day but had only been a few hours. She had an hour or more left of driving before getting back home… _Home…_ Wherever that was.

Shaking her head, she left the rehab center, drove through the slight traffic, and made it home just in time for Nate and Jack to be getting off the bus.

"Hey boys. How was school?"

"It was good," Jack replied. "I have a lot of homework though."

"What about you Nate?"

"I have homework, too, but not a whole lot, and today, we got a class pet."

"Really? What is it?"

"It's a Guinea pig named Chestnut. She's all brown but has a white spot on her butt. Everyone takes turns caring for her over the weekends. I get her, too."

"Oh boy," she said unenthusiastically. "And when is that?"

"I have a schedule in my backpack. You gotta sign it."

"Alright, well, you'll have to show me later. Right now, why don't the two of you get started on that homework?"

"Are you going to cook? I'm hungry."

"Yes. Hotch should be home soon, so I'll get started, but we'll wait for him. If you don't think you can wait, then you can have an apple or something small."

Nate shrugged, said he could wait, and moved to get his homework out of his bag. As the boys worked on that, Emily got started on dinner prep. She received a text from Hotch letting her know they were just about to land, and he'd be home in about an hour or two at the latest.

By the time he did get home, homework was done, food was on the table, and they were all waiting on him.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he said.

Dinner was a simple, but full affair. The four of them learned that they much preferred being all together than eating separately. It was a makeshift family; one she was grateful for. They spent the entirety of the meal engaged in lively conversation. Emily asked Hotch about the case and how it went. He responded without giving too many details in front of little ears. Jack and Nate shared all about their day, too.

"How did things go with James?"

"As well as can be expected. We talked. I'm not sure things are resolved, but I said what I needed to say and set some boundaries," she explained.

"Good."

"Did Dad ask about me?" Nate asked.

"He did. We can talk about that more once I get back from London."

"Ok," he agreed.

Nate loved his dad, but he felt abandoned to some degree. Sure, his dad left him with Emily, who was his mom and who was great, but it hurt all the same that he left and didn't want to see him.

"We can send him some pictures of you all dressed up tomorrow," Emily suggested.

"Do you think he'd like that?"

"I know he would."

"Then we can."

They did.

Early the next morning, the apartment was awake with the excited energy of kids on Halloween. Emily and Hotch could barely keep up. Before breakfast, Nate was dressed in his costume and ready to go, pulling Jack into his frenzy along the way. Emily had to practically tie him down to get through the morning, but she didn't want to stifle him too much. He was having fun and she loved seeing it.

Before long, they were off to school, Hotch to work, and Emily was getting the treats ready for the trunk-or-treat, which, surprisingly according to Emily, went well. Hotch showed up even though he didn't think he would be able to. He helped Emily man their trunk as the kids did the parade, stopping at each vehicle for their treat… or trick. The kids ate and played and laughed, which made the parents happy. It was quite the turnout. Emily even got to meet a few more of Nate's classmates and new friends. Everyone seemed to love him.

It was a hit. Emily and Hotch left with smiles on their faces and only a little exhausted, but they had plenty of time to head back home before the boys were done with school and the rest of the festivities began. Though time did seem to speed by.

Thankfully, a lot of the work for the party was taken care of by Dave. He and Pen were the chefs, but everyone wanted to bring something. Emily and Hotch brought wine and bakery bought treats. Not that any other food was needed. It was a full out buffet.

When they got to the house after a few hours trick-or-treating around the neighborhood, everything was decorated in festive fall colors, spider webs and creepy crawly adornments everywhere. No doubt, Penelope had a hand in decorating. The place was alive with music and voices. While it was a small party, Dave invited a few friends including Elizabeth. She too dressed up. Everyone did.

There was bobbing for apples and dry ice smoke, candy worms and edible blood. It was every kid's Halloween dream, and Penelope seemed to be the biggest kid of them all. It was perfect, and what made it even more so was seeing Nate and the team all together, everyone happy and having fun.

Emily made sure to capture every moment she could on film. Starting with that morning, Nate and Jack dressed up like old-timey detectives, Emily recently getting them hooked on Sherlock Holmes books and films. They were so cute. She could barely stand it, in the best of ways.

They all enjoyed themselves until the late hours of the night. The alcohol flowed freely, as did the candy and food. By the end, everyone was either three sheets to the wind or nearing a food coma. That was when they knew to call it a night.

Nate and Henry were passed out in a bowl of candy, literally. Their hands were in the bowl, head practically using it as a hard pillow. She snapped a photo of that too, sending many of them to James. It was a good night and a good way to spend time with the people she loved before her trip.

"I'll grab him," Hotch offered. "Jack's already in the car, half asleep himself."

"Thanks. I'm going to grab our stuff and say goodbye, then I'll meet you at the car."

He nodded and picked up Nate. Emily parted with everyone. They reminded her to keep in touch while she was away. Even if it was only a week, they wanted check ins.

Hotch made her promise the same thing when they talked at the airport as he saw her off. She said goodbye to Nate early that afternoon, promising they would talk daily, and he could call her whenever he wanted.

Before she left, Nate gave her a huge hug, squeezing as hard as he could, and made her promise to come back safe.

"I will," she told him. "Be good."

"Uh huh."

"And do your homework."

"I know."

"Remember to clean up after yourself. Don't leave your towels on the floor or the seat up in the bathroom," though, she realized, that was more a courtesy for her and neither Hotch nor Jack would care about that.

"I know, Mom," he said, rolling his eyes and not really realizing he called her that. "I know what to do."

At that moment, it didn't matter if he said that he was going to burn the place down and be an incredible pain in the ass, all she heard was Mom. He referred to her as his mom before, but never casually called her mom. Now he had…

Trying to keep the emotion at bay, she kissed his cheek and told him, "I love you Nate."

"I love you too."

"I'll see you soon."

Sad as she was to leave, she was deliriously happy the entire way to the airport, even on the flight.


	38. London Blues

**Chapter 38: London Blues**

While Emily was in London, Hotch had his hands full. He hadn't realized how much co-parenting or, at least, responsibility sharing he was doing with Emily. She really took a load off him and, he hoped, he did the same for her. So, it was different without her around, even for only a few days.

The weekend was easy. Hotch didn't have work or plans outside of taking them to their last fall soccer game. Neither team winning, but they were still in a good mood and still energetic, so he took them home to change before going out to lunch and hitting the batting cages. Nate had an interest in baseball that Jack never really had. He, too, liked to play, but Nate was really interested in all of it, and, come to find out, wasn't half bad.

"With a little practice, you could be a great player, Nate," Hotch told him later that day.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Can we… can you and I go back there together to play? You know, if I'm not in London?"

"We can definitely go again Nate," he said. "Are you worried Emily is going to stay in London?"

He shrugged. "I know she'd come back for me and I'd go with her. It's just… That was where she worked and lived, right? She only came back here because of me."

"She would do anything for you."

"I know, but… But if she wants to go to London, I think we should."

"You want to go?"

He shook his head. "No. I like it here more than I've liked it anywhere else, but… But Emily's my mom and she needs to be happy too."

"You don't think she's happy now?"

"I don't know. Sometimes. Not all the time. And now she's better, that means she has to work again, right?"

"Typically, but not necessarily."

"What do you mean?"

"Emily loves you. You know that, right?"

"I know. I love her too."

"Good, but you know what loving someone means?"

"That you care about them no matter what?"

"Yes. That's definitely true, but it also means being willing to make sacrifices, and any parent who loves their kid like Emily loves you is willing to make sacrifices for their child. So, if you really don't want to go to England, then you should talk to her. I know she wants to make sure you're happy and, she would want to know."

"But… I don't want Emily not to go when she wants to just because she wants to do what I want. I love her, so I can make sacrifices for her like she does for me," he said, sounding much older than nine.

Hotch put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You're a smart kid, Nate, and very kind."

"Thanks."

"But I think this is a decision Emily is going to make with you in mind, and you should talk to her about it."

Again, he shrugged. "Ok."

"Emily should be calling any minute. Go find Jack and wash up for dinner."

He nodded and walked away.

Hotch was right. It was not ten minutes later that the call came through. The kids still washing up, he answered, "Hi Emily. How are things going there?"

"It's been a long day."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Yes, I do, but not now. When I'm not dead on my feet."

"Ok," he agreed. "Nate's just washing his hands before dinner. You're calling a little late today. Things alright there?"

She sighed, but answered, "Yes. Things are fine. I'm fine, anyway. Clyde has me all set up and comfortable. I'm going to bed right after this call. I have a feeling tomorrow's going to be longer than today."

"Then I won't keep you."

He called for Nate, letting him know Emily was on the phone, and the boy ran into the room, excited to talk to her. He immediately asked her a bunch of questions and wanted to see where she was staying.

"Is that your apartment?"

"No. My apartment is being used by other people. I'm staying with Clyde in his apartment."

"Oh… tell Clyde I said hi," Nate told her.

"I will. Tell me all about your day. What fun have you boys been up to without me?"

Nate reiterated their whole day. He told her about their games and the batting cages, even details about the food they ate. Then he asked her about her day, and her answer was nowhere near as detailed. By the end of their conversation, Nate ready to eat and Emily beyond tired, Nate became quiet.

"Is there something you want to talk about, Nate?"

He wrinkled his nose before speaking. "If you want to go to London forever, I… I'm ok with that," he said. "Dad and I can come with you, and that would be ok."

"Alright…" Emily said, not knowing where that was coming from. "Do you want to come back to London?"

"I… I want to do whatever you want."

"So, you'd want to come with me if that's what I wanted?"

"Uh huh. I'd be happy because I'd be with you and Dad, too, right? He would come?"

"He would come with us, yes."

"And you have your job there, right?"

"I do."

"You liked your job."

"Very much."

"So, you should go back… If you want to."

"Well, Nate, I won't make any decisions tonight."

"Ok. But think about it."

"I will." Emily shook her head. "Alright Nate, I think it's time for me to get to bed here and you to go eat dinner. Can you tell Jack that I said hi and that I miss him?"

"He misses you too. And me. I miss you."

"I miss you, Nate. Love you."

"Love you too."

Emily then asked to talk to Hotch again. "What was that about?"

He moved somewhere a little more private and told the kids to take a seat at the table.

"I think he knows you have some decisions to make and wants you to make them based on what you want, not just what you think he wants."

"He's nine."

"He's your kid. What do you expect?"

"I expect him to be nine and let me worry about the grown-up things."

"Doesn't always work out that way."

"No, it doesn't." She paused. "What do you think I should do?"

"Like Nate said, whatever you think is best for you and him."

"He called me mom, you know? Not just referred to me as his mom but called me mom."

"That's great Emily."

"It made me feel… Amazing doesn't even begin to cover it. It was just like it was when he was a baby."

"I'm happy for you. For both of you."

"Thanks," Emily said. "So, more on Nate. How's he doing?"

"I've been keeping him busy, but he misses you already."

"I miss him. I miss all of you. It feels different being here now."

"Different how?"

"I don't know yet. Just different."

"I hope you can figure that out then," he sincerely said. "Have you made any decisions?"

"Not yet, but I did get to see Lorna."

"How'd that go?"

"She's what made it a long day. I get one more crack at her tomorrow, and I think I found something, so more on that later."

She yawned.

"Get some rest, Emily."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks _Dad,_" she joked.

"Goodnight Emily."

"Talk tomorrow."

Emily hung up and got ready for bed. She wasn't lying. It had been a very long day. By the time she flew in, it was nearly 10 am, London time. She didn't sleep at all on the plane, and rather than take a moment to rest, she went straight into the office.

All her coworkers were happy to see her. She talked to most of them sporadically over the months, and they reached out to her to offer support and check in when they could. Upon seeing her, many asked about her health, how she was doing and when she was returning.

She had no answers for the latter.

Nothing felt like it once did or how she anticipated it to be. She was back, but not really… These people were her friends and colleagues, but all she could think about was back home… _Home_. There was that word again. Being there felt new all over again.

"Emily, Darling," Clyde greeted her in her office, giving her a welcomed hug as the two exchanged their usual hellos. "Why hadn't you come to the apartment first? Settle in a bit."

"I just want to get started. When can I see her?"

"She's being moved to a secure location. Likely within the hour."

"Good."

"She hasn't said much so far."

"Didn't think she would."

"She won't talk with you either."

"Good thing she doesn't have a choice. In the meantime, I have something I want to show you."

Clyde nodded and sat down, while Emily pulled out some note ridden files, passing them to him. He tried to follow the notes, but many of them were written in haste, quickly and messily.

"What is this?"

"I think I found more related cases. I'm hoping now that I'm here I can really get back into the system and find more proof to my theory."

"Have at it. I'll come get you once she's ready for you. And Emily," he said. "It's good to see you here again."

"Thanks Clyde."

He walked out of the room slowly, observing Emily at her desk as he did. Emily paid it no mind and just got to work. She wanted to get Lorna to talk, to break the walls that no one else had been able to. The woman spoke but said nothing of value. She wasn't willing to rat out anyone. Emily understood loyalty, but everyone had their breaking point. Emily had to find hers.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't happen the first day. Emily spent hours in the room with her. They talked, Emily even getting her to talk more about how she came to be part of Interpol. Though, that was something they already knew, and Emily suspected that Lorna knew that they did.

So, for hours, it appeared to be a fruitless back and forth, but Emily didn't see it that way. There were no confessions or ground-breaking revelations, but Emily learned what she needed to learn from Lorna. She knew what she needed to get deeper. Lorna let something slip that Emily could use.

It took some digging. Once her time with Lorna was up and the prisoner was moved to a temporary, secure location, Emily returned to her office. She sat there, back to the picturesque London skyline as she searched high and low for what she was looking for.

Eventually, as the sun was way past set, she thought she found just what she needed. She printed out a few images, pulled a few old files together, and came up with a plan of attack. One way or another, she was determined to get Lorna to talk about what mattered. She would get her to turn.

As soon as she got to Clyde's place, she called home to talk with Nate. She knew she should have called earlier, but it was what it was. She lost track of time and it was still earlier in the evening there. It wasn't like she was waking them up.

Despite her tiredness, hearing from them made her happy and livened her up again. Talking to them always did. It left her a little unsettled too. Nate was willing to move to make her happy. He was selfless and amazing, but Emily still wasn't sure what she wanted. Even without Nate in the picture, she wasn't sure.

The next day, the interrogation started just like the day before and continued that way for some time. It wasn't until their third meeting and after Emily's hunch was confirmed that real progress was made. Emily didn't want to play her hand. She wanted Lorna to think she was in control while Emily waited for the moment. It came.

"Why are you here?" Lorna asked. "Why do you care so much about everything? Do you even work here anymore? Tell me this is about more than a job because if it's not, this is excessive."

"Do you actually want me to answer?"

Lorna rolled her eyes.

"You're an idiot, you know," Emily said.

"Excuse me."

"You're an idiot."

"I heard what you said, Emily, but I have yet to hear why."

"Why? Because you may see the big picture, but you fail to see what's right in front of you."

"Please enlighten me."

Emily pushed her chair forward, leaning onto the table and trying to truly engage Lorna. She could tell the other woman was listening, but she wasn't quite hooked yet. She would be, Emily thought.

"How old was your brother when he was killed?" Emily changed the line of thought, throwing the other woman off.

Lorna looked confused, wondering why he was being brought up and how Emily knew about him. She made sure to erase all records of everything. _Maybe the bitch is better than I gave her credit for. _

"Five, right? You were about 18. Your mom died about then too."

Lorna squinted at Emily, glaring, but didn't really respond. She didn't want to think about their deaths.

"He killed them. You realize that don't you?" Emily cryptically said.

"What?" Lorna finally gave Emily her full attention.

"Your mother… Your little brother too, I believe."

"Who?"

"You know who. The same man you're so intent on protecting. The guy you have done terrible things for. Your father Gabriel Scarlatti…"

"He did not. He wouldn't," she insisted.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"He wouldn't do that."

Emily leaned back in her chair, knowing she had the upper hand. "I have proof."

Looking Emily dead in the eyes, Lorna sternly, between clenched teeth, said, "Show me."

So, she did. She pulled out the folder and, piece by piece, put the puzzle together for Lorna. Emily could see how each thing brought the woman closer to the edge, sinking into her own despair and questioning how she didn't know.

"You really didn't suspect, did you?" Emily asked, not expecting an answer.

The truth was that Lorna didn't suspect her father at all. In fact, her father promised her that he would take care of the people who did that to them, who stole the two other most important people in their lives from them. Now, all along, it was him, and he never paid. She even protected him.

"How? How do you know this? How do I know you're not just making this up?"

"Look at the evidence, Lorna. I didn't make that up. We're trained to do a lot to get a suspect to talk, and I'm not above deception when necessary, but we had some kind of work friendship at some point," she exaggerated. "And I wouldn't use that little boy's death to get you to talk. You should know that by now."

That was the problem. She did know, which was why she was so inclined to believe the evidence that went against everything she ever knew. She gave up her life for her father's cause. She did all she did, including joining Interpol, because of his nonsense. Only now was that beginning to click for her.

"Why are you telling me this? What do you want?"

"You know what I want," Emily said. "I want to give your family justice and I want to do the same to the thousands of other families who suffered because of your father and his games. And I want you to help me do that. No, I need you to help me do that."

"Everything can't be for nothing," Lorna said, speaking mostly to herself.

"It won't be for nothing. You made choices based on false information. What did he tell you? Law enforcement killed them somehow?" Lorna's movements confirmed that for Emily. "I get it. Emotions and bad information drove you to do all you did, and you're paying for it, but it doesn't have to take everything from you. We can work out a deal that makes everyone happy. There's still a light at the end of the tunnel for you. You just have to help me."

"I don't know if I can."

It was the first time Emily had seen Lorna vulnerable and even open to talking options. She was hurting and, while Emily never had a great relationship with her, she still knew her, and, because of that didn't want to see her suffer. Then again, the women went after Nate, indirectly or not, so Emily didn't mind seeing her hurt after that.

"You can if you want any kind of lenience."

It took some back and forth, but eventually they came to an agreement. Ahead of time, Emily was given permission to deal with her, being told specifically what they were prepared to offer for Lorna's help. Emily was prepared on that front and came to play.

The woman would do time, that was a given, but she was able to do it in a prison of her choosing and under a different name so that she couldn't be tracked. With her cooperation, if they got a conviction or if her intel proved as invaluable as they hoped, then they could revisit her sentence and talk about what comes next.

The woman had to spill everything first.

"Leave no detail out," Emily said. "Start at the beginning. Have you always known Scarlatti was your father?"

"Yes," she answered.

They moved gradually from there, Emily recording their entire interaction. Lorna was surprisingly forth coming. When they reached topics that Emily wanted to examine further, Lorna answered her questions without hesitation. Emily supposed the cooperation had a lot to do with revenge. After showing Lorna her mother and brother's dead bodies and the irrefutable proof that her father was involved in their murders, she expected some candor, but not this outpouring.

"There is one more thing," Lorna said, just as Emily was about to leave.

"What?"

Lorna stared at Emily and said, "I can tell you where he'll be next and what he plans to do, but it will cost you."

"Cost me what?"

"Time, maybe a few men, money, and, if you're there, hopefully your life," she spitefully answered.

Emily sat back down, ignoring that last bit. "Get talking."

Lorna told Emily about an upcoming meeting that, assuming nothing had changed since her incarceration and Bardolino's death, would take place in only a few short days, and would involve many of the different heads of organizations.

"Call it an international crime summit," Lorna teased. "I'm sure you'd like to see the keynote speaker. I think he'd like to see you too. Though, he'd either want you naked in his bed or with your throat slit. Potentially both, not simultaneously."

Emily tried not to let anything Lorna said get to her. Instead of biting, she got the names down and tried to mentally plug them in to the information she already knew. Then she was done. She got all she possibly could and now had to share the information with her team…

Thinking they were her team didn't feel right. She was their leader, but she hadn't really felt like she was part of their family… They were a unit, but they weren't the kind of team she was once used to.

"Are you going to go?"

"I don't know," Emily honestly answered.

"I know that the minute you leave here, my life is all but over if you don't get these people, so, because of that, I hope you take them all down, but I wouldn't be sad if you burned along with them."

"Wonderful," Emily snarked, standing to leave.

But before leaving, never planning to see Lorna again, Emily asked, "Was it all a lie? I never liked you, but I always believed you were good at your job on some level. Did you believe in any of the work you did here or was it all just part of the cover?"

"You know how it goes," Lorna answered. "It starts out as an act, but eventually, some of it has to become real… If it doesn't, then you're not real either."

Sadly, Emily did understand that. There was no drawing a line and keeping the real you and the act separate.

"We're going to take everyone down. Your mother and brother will get their justice, but you'll never find peace knowing what you did for a man that did nothing but hurt you."

Emily parted with those words, never looking back. After that, she set the rest of the plan in motion. By the end of the week, at least three major crime organizations would be cut off at the head and several others, at the very least, weakened. It would be a big win for Interpol and her as well. She was happy about that, thrilled really. It reflected well on her and the agency. A part of her even wished she would be at the raid, but she wasn't quite cleared or ready for that kind of duty yet. Clyde and the interagency taskforce could handle it without her.

Until then, she had a lot to take care of in London.

Emily realized something as she spent the rest of the week working in the office and hanging around with Clyde. She concluded that her new beginning in London, her career and life in a city she loved, wasn't the same anymore. She loved Clyde and spending time was him was like spending time with family, but the city itself was lonelier than it had ever been without Nate. While she thought it would be a wonderful place to raise him and he would grow up well educated and happy, home for him was in the US, and if she was honest with herself, she knew that was her home too. It always had been.

She returned to the states knowing that was where they belonged and would remain, but unsure about so much else. She had no idea what came next, but she would worry about that once she was home with her family, and after she saw Nate again.

She missed him so much. Talking to him every day wasn't enough. So, she left London earlier than she originally planned after taking care of loose ends. She made plans to see Clyde again soon, and then hopped on the soonest plane she could.

Sadly, Nate wasn't there to greet her. He was over at a sleep over party. It was his very first friend sleep over that wasn't with Henry or Jack. It bummed her out that she wasn't there to drop him off or pick out the birthday gift with him.

"There'll be many more times," she reminded herself as she waited for her luggage to come around the carousel.

Emily grabbed her bag, securing the carryon around her shoulder, and made her way through customs. After that, she was home free. She was just about to head out to catch a cab when a voice caught her attention.

"Going somewhere?"

A smile took over her face.

"Hotch? What are you doing here?"

"You didn't really think I was going to make you take a cab, did you?"

"Yes…"

"You know me better than that."

He held out his hand and signaled for her to let him take her bag. Chivalry was not dead, and she had no fuel to argue that she could handle it on her own. He drove her home where he had dinner waiting for her.

"I picked up your favorites from that Moroccan place you like, so I hope you have an appetite."

"I can eat," she said, taking a seat at the table after washing up.

"Good. Sit down. We should have just enough time for us to eat before one of the kids call and we surprise them with your early arrival."

He sat the plates on the table and told her to help herself while he filled up their drinks.

"How did things go in London? Get everything done that you wanted?"

"Well, you know what I found. They're going to Italy tomorrow."

"You didn't want to go?"

"What for?"

"To be there. To see it through."

"I have seen it through. Months of my life were spent seeing it through. Now it's time to focus on something else… Like finding a job maybe."

"What?"

"I turned in my resignation."

"That's… Wow. How did Clyde take it?"

"He knew it was coming. Said he was lucky to have me for the time he did."

"He wasn't wrong," Hotch agreed. "You're going to move here permanently?"

"Yes. I think it's what's best. This is where we need to be."

He nodded.

"And I think I found a place for Nate and myself," Emily said before taking a bite.

"Really? Where?"

"Here."

"With me?"

"No. Nice as you've been and as great as this arrangement has worked out, I don't think it's fair. Not to you and Jack, and not to Nate either. I have to figure out how to do this on my own."

"You don't ever have to be on your own, Emily. We're always here for you."

"I know that. What I mean is that I need to figure out this new situation and how to be in a place that is my own, my choosing, just the two of us."

"I don't think you have to worry about that too much. You've been doing a wonderful job so far. Nate is better for having you in his life, and so are we. If you want to go because it's something you need to do, I support that, but if you want to wait, then don't leave because you think it's what we want or need. Don't know if you noticed, but we kind of like having you here."

"I think it's best we go, but, if things work out, we won't be going far."

"No? Did you find a place nearby? Is that what you meant?"

"Yes."

"A house?"

"No, an apartment. Here, in this building actually."

"Really?"

"Yes. I talked with the landlord before I left and then got a call while I was away. There are some people moving out shortly. There's a one bedroom, but that doesn't work, a two bedroom on this level, and a three bedroom a floor below."

"Do you want an apartment? Not a house?"

"Honestly, Hotch, I don't know what I want. I don't know what happens next. I'm jobless, squatting, and still healing, but I think I can figure things out in time. I hope so."

"You will. I think this will be good. Plus, Jack and I will be right here. I can still use you as a babysitter."

"Me too."

"And we can still have dinner together from time to time."

"Count me in," she said, smiling and lifting her wine glass.

"Welcome home," he said, raising his glass to clink with hers.

Neither of them was thinking too much about how natural this all felt… The two of them acting like a married couple raising their kids together, or how different it would be with the separation again.


	39. Home

**Chapter 39: Home**

When Emily picked up Nate the next day from his friend's house, the reaction she got was priceless.

Emily arrived at the house and knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. A woman came to the door, introducing herself as Elyse Duncan.

"Hello Ms. Duncan. I'm Emily Prentiss. Nate's mom."

Her breath hitched as she said that. This was the first time, outside of her normal group, that she introduced herself as Nate's mom.

"Hi Emily. Call me Elyse. The boys are just playing. Come on in."

Elyse waited for Emily to move into the house before shutting the door behind them.

"Would you like some coffee or anything?"

"Oh, no thank you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thanks. Nate and I have some plans today. I wanted to surprise him."

"Then I better not hold you up. Follow me. They're just out back."

Emily followed Elyse out into the backyard. It didn't take long for Nate to realize she was there. As soon as the sliding glass door opened, Nate was running over to them.

"You're here! But you're not supposed to be back until tomorrow," Nate gleefully said, practically jumping into her waiting arms.

"I know. I wanted to surprise you. Did I?"

When Nate called the night before, she feigned that she was still in London in order to experience the sheer joy in his face play out live.

"Uh huh. I'm so happy you're back."

"Me too."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Nate."

"You have to meet my friends. This is Eric and Noah. It's Noah's birthday."

"Happy birthday, Noah," Emily said, happily greeting Nate's friends.

"Noah, this is my mom."

"The kick ass FBI agent?"

"Noah, watch your mouth," Elyse ordered.

The boy rolled his eyes and focused his attention on Emily. "Are you really in the FBI?"

Emily smiled and answered, "I used to be. Used to be in the FBI and Interpol."

"Did you save people?"

"I have."

"She saved me," Nate added. "Just like I told you."

The kids all swarmed her with questions like she was a goddess and they just wanted to touch her for luck. In an unexpected turn of events, she was the cool mom. The kids wanted more and more. If it wasn't for Elyse saving the day, she wasn't sure how she ever would have gotten away in one piece.

"Thank you," she said to the woman, grateful for the save. "Come on Nate. Get your things."

As he and the boys went off, Elyse telling them no more questions, the woman said, "You're a real hit with the boys."

"I just have an interesting job history. They think it's all glamorous."

Elyse nodded. "I've seen you before at the open house. You were hurt, weren't you? Your leg?"

"My knee, yes."

"From the job?"

"Car accident," she answered.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I'm doing better. Finally running again."

"That's great. Nate loved sharing stories about you and your team. He tells me you live in London."

"I did."

"But he didn't?" she pried.

"We have an interesting history, too, his fathers and me." One that wasn't anyone's business, she thought.

"I'm sorry. I'm prying. I didn't mean to. Nate is just such a great kid. He was so well mannered and very sweet with my younger boy, Kai. Does he have any siblings?"

"Only child."

"Well, he sure doesn't act like it. I just wanted to say that he's welcome over anytime."

"Thank you. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear. Noah is welcome over too once we get settled."

"Are you moving?"

"Soon. But I'll leave my number, so we can set something up for the boys."

Elyse nodded, and they exchanged numbers just as Nate returned.

"Ready?" Emily asked.

"Yup. Thanks Mrs. Elyse."

"Hope you had a good time, Nate."

"I did. Bye."

Emily took Nate's backpack and threw it over one shoulder as Nate leaned into her side and they walked out of the house.

"I'm so happy you're home."

"Me too Nate, and I thought we could spend the day together, just the two of us."

"Yeah! What are we going to do?"

"What would you like to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"Hmm," Emily said, "Well, what if we go see the DC monuments? Would you like that?"

"Yes, please."

"It will be fun. On the way home, we'll pick up dinner and then I brought you something back from London."

"You did? What is it?"

"You'll see."

Emily put his bag in the trunk and then drove them to DC. They began their afternoon with the Lincoln Memorial and tried to cover as much ground as they could. They made it through all the Jefferson Memorial and Washington Monument before Emily's knee started to get sore and stiff after travel and walking.

Nate, seeing that and not wanting her to get hurt further, asked if they could stop by the shops so he could get something for Jack and Hotch.

"Sure, Nate. Why don't you see if you can find something for your dad, too? I was thinking we could go see him tomorrow."

He looked hesitant, like he did with most things involving James, but agreed. Emily laughed at some of his choices. Nate ended up picking out a book for himself and Jack, a funny tie with presidents' faces on it for Hotch, and a key ring for James. Emily couldn't help but feel how impersonal that gift was. She knew thought went into the others. Hotch always wore ties to work, Nate told her, and this one was funny, so it would make the sad times fighting the bad guys a little easier. Jack would appreciate the book. James' gift was one you buy when you can't figure out something of meaning or you just needed something small to bring back. On its own, it would have been fine, but when compared to the other gifts, it sent a clear message: a rift between father and son.

"Come sit with me a moment," Emily said, patting the bench seat beside her once they were out of the souvenir shop.

Nate came and plopped down next to her. They both took a second to look around. It was a beautiful November afternoon. Now seemed like as good a time as any to have a conversation with Nate about a few things.

"I know we talked about it a little, Nate, but I want to talk to you again about me being your mom."

"Why?"

"Well, you called me mom before I left."

"Was I not supposed to?" he sadly asked.

"No," she said quickly. "No, you did nothing wrong. You can call me mom. I love it, actually, but you've never done that, so I wanted to check in with you."

"Like about why I did it?"

"Yes."

"Because you're my mom… So I call you mom," he said, like he was stating the obvious.

"That simple, huh?" _Oh to think like a child…_

He shrugged.

"I just know you seemed a little unsure before. Did something change?"

Again, he shrugged his shoulders, thinking back to a talk he had with Jack.

"_Why are you sad?" Jack directly asked. _

"_I'm not sad," he answered. "I'm… confused."_

"_Why?"_

_Nate explained that he and Emily talked. He told Jack what she told him, reiterating the surrogacy and the reasons why Emily wasn't in his life for so long as best he could. He said that Emily was his mom, but she wasn't like other moms because she couldn't be there… He said it in a way that showed how confusing the situation really was to him. _

"_I just don't know why she wasn't there. I think my dads had something to do with it, but she didn't say it was their fault. Does that make it her fault?" Then he found himself thinking, why does everyone leave me, thinking about how, now, his father wanted nothing to do with him._

"_I don't think so," Jack answered. "Emily wouldn't leave you alone if she could help it."_

"_But she wasn't there for so, so long and she was once. I have pictures."_

"_I know…" Jack looked to the pictures on Nate's desk. He caught Nate looking at them all the time. "It's a little scary, huh?"_

"_I guess."_

"_I think you just need time to get used to it, because this is a good thing. Maybe she wasn't always there and you didn't know you had a mom somewhere, but you know now, and you have her now. That should make you happy."_

"_I don't want having a mom to replace having my dads."_

"_That's not how it works," Jack explained. "You got a gift."_

"_A present?"_

"_Kind of," Jack said. "You had two dads who loved you all your life. That's more than some kids get. One of your dads died, and that's sad. It hurts, I know, because I'm still sad that my mom died, but you're lucky. You get another person, another parent, to love you. You get a mom, too, now. And that mom is Emily. Emily's kind of cool."_

"_I know."_

"_It's weird and new, but don't feel bad for loving Emily. She's awesome. She's your mom. Maybe she couldn't always be there, but I know Emily, and she had to have her reasons for that. I don't think she would ever choose not to be there."_

"_Then why didn't she tell me?"_

"_Would you have believed her?"_

_Nate shrugged. "I don't know."_

"_You love her, though, right?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And she takes care of you? She's good to you?"_

"_She's awesome."_

"_Then be happy that you have someone like her in your life, and that one of your dads is still around too. Emily won't take the place of your other dad, ever. You can love her without feeling bad. Just think, you get three parents. Some people don't get any, and I'd do anything to see my mom again."_

Nate knew that Jack was right. At that moment, he still wasn't sure what it meant, but he knew that he felt love for Emily. He knew that Emily would do anything for him and saved his life once already. She took care of him and loved him and played with him and did things she didn't really want to just because he asked. From what he knew, that was what parents did. Having blood between them was only just a bonus. Either way, she had become his mother.

"Before I was scared because both my dads were gone and what if you left me again too?"

"I never willingly left you, Nate. I'm so sorry you feel that way."

"I know you didn't, I think. It's just. I'm sad that dad doesn't want to see me."

"I get it, but he wants to see you now. We're going to work on that, ok?

He nodded. "Jack told me I was lucky. Because of you, I got two great dads and now a mom and a bunch of new people who love me too. Like Jack."

"You do have a lot of people who love you."

He sighed. "But what happens when we move to London?"

"Who said we're moving there?"

"We're not?"

"No, Nate. I was going to tell you once we got back home, but we're not going."

"What about work?"

"I left my old job so that we could stay here. I'm going to find something, hopefully close by."

"With the FBI?"

She could see he was hoping she said no. He didn't want her to work in law enforcement at all. It was dangerous, he knew, and didn't want to risk her being taken away from him again.

"I don't know, Nate. I'm going to have to look for something and see what's available."

"But we get to stay here?"

"Yes. In fact, I think I found a place. Would you like to go check it out?"

"A place for us to live?"

Emily nodded.

"Just us?"

"Yes."

"But what about Jack and Hotch?"

"They'll still live where they live. If we move to this place, we'll be very close by."

"What if I don't like it?"

"I think you will, but if you really don't, then we'll keep looking."

"Ok," he agreed.

Emily called Hotch on the way to the apartment and told him that they could make tonight a pizza night and order once they got back. He was all for it. Jack was home now, and he knew they could use an evening just hanging around. He was sure Emily was still a little jetlagged and he didn't want either of them to have to worry about making dinner when they could be focusing on the kids.

Hotch didn't know that the apartment below him was almost move in ready, but Emily talked with the landlord while she was in London. He told her that the place was vacated already, and they were just doing minor repairs and repainting, but the place should be on the market within days, move in ready in weeks. So, she arranged for the apartment to be left open for her to look through once she got home.

When they got to the building, Nate was confused and curious, but Emily explained that there was a potential apartment. That got him excited. Sure, he didn't want to leave Hotch's, but being so close would be like being roommates with a lot more room. That was how Emily sold it.

"Is it on the same floor?" Nate asked when they reached the elevator.

"No. One below. Press the button."

He did, and they waited for the elevator to drop them off on the third floor. Emily told him it was 3B, the first apartment on the right.

"Door's open," Emily told him. "Just go in."

He waited for her to be right behind him before pushing the door open. It wasn't like they were walking into some grand furnished apartment or anything, but it was still exciting that it could be theirs. They were greeted by the smell of fresh paint and a few scattered boxes on the hardwood floor.

"Let's look around."

It was a three bedroom, which was spacious for them, but Emily thought could work better. The master bedroom, which Nate tried to claim, would be hers. The bigger of the other two would go to Nate, and the third could be used as an office for her to get work done in for whatever job she ended up at.

"This one would be yours," Emily told him as they entered the bedroom.

"Could I paint it?"

"Yes," she answered. The landlord said that painting was allowed as long as she paid for the repainting if she moved. The bedrooms weren't painted over yet, so they could make those choices. "What color would you want?"

"I don't know. Maybe blue or green. No, red. Blue… I haven't decided."

"That's ok. We could go to the hardware store and look at paint chips."

"Could I get bunkbeds?"

"I don't see why not."

"Cool, then Jack could stay in my room sometimes."

"He'd like that."

"Is the other room for Dad?" he tentatively asked.

"No," she stated. "Once your dad gets out of treatment, he won't be living with us."

"But… why?"

"I don't want to just say that it's complicated, so I'm going to try to say it as simply as possible. Ok?"

He nodded.

"Your father and I both love you, but when we all lived together, it didn't work. I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy, and, most importantly, you weren't happy."

He was going to deny it, but Emily stopped him.

"I know you weren't happy, Nate. You weren't yourself, and I'm just sorry I didn't realize it sooner. When he finishes his rehab, he's going to be able to take care of himself, and, hopefully you as well. That means he can have his own place." She felt like she was explaining divorce. "We don't work living all together."

"But… what about me? Where will I go?"

"Don't worry about any of that right now. We have time to figure it out, and I promise, if I have any say in things, your father and I will always be in your life. Let us worry about that, though. The only thing you need to worry about is what you want your room to look like. What do you think? Is this the place for us?"

"I think so."

"Me too," Emily said. "I think we'll take it. I'll talk to Hotch and the landlord about it. If all goes well, maybe we can go shopping for this place one day after school."

"Cool. Will I get to pick out everything myself?"

"You'll get some say. I make the final decisions."

"Alright."

"Now, Hotch and Jack are waiting on us. Let's head up and order dinner. You can give them their gifts while I make a call."

The two went to the apartment with renewed excitement. Emily, though she loved living with Hotch and helping with Jack, was ready to do this on her own. She was nervous, but so ready for it to be her and Nate making a go of it. Working toward making that happen was the first thing she did when they got in. Well, the first thing after giving Jack a big hug and offering the kids their London souvenirs. Henry and Michael got one too.

From there, they split up responsibilities. While Hotch ordered dinner, Emily went to the basement of the building to talk to the super. There and then, they made the deal. Before Thanksgiving, she and Nate would be in their own apartment.

"I'm happy for you," Hotch said once the boys were asleep and they sat on the couch with a glass of wine for Emily and a beer for Hotch.

"I think this is just what we need."

"I know you have savings, and I hope you don't mind me asking, but can you afford this? You quit your job."

"I can afford it," she told him. "I still own the London flat. It's like a condo. I own it and now I'm subletting. I make money off that. It's not enough to sustain me and Nate indefinitely, but it will buy time for me to find a job. Clyde agreed to help out with the tenants if they need help that I can't take care of remotely, so that will be taken care of and I get some money."

"That's good."

"Yeah. Clyde's been a great help. He offered to write me a recommendation to any job I apply for and told me that he could call in favors if I want him to."

"What did you say to that?"

"That I'd take the recommendations, but I'm not ready for favors yet."

"I would love to offer you a spot on the team, but we don't have any open positions."

"I appreciate that you've thought about it, but I don't want to be an agent anymore."

"Really?" He found that surprising.

"I know. It's hard to believe for me too. I loved it. I still love it, but if I'm making the commitment to be here, to move here and be a mom to Nate, that means really being here. He nearly lost both his fathers and me. I can't go out in the field all the time and not worry that I won't come back to him. I don't know if I can risk putting him through that or not let that worry effect my actions in the field. Time to look for something else."

"Thoughts?"

"On jobs? A friend of my mother's has something for me. I'm thinking I'll investigate that and see what happens. I'm looking around, though. I know I'll find something."

"That's great."

"Yeah."

"And you can count on me to help you move in when the time comes."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Emily told him that she was taking Nate to see James the next day. She was worried about how that would go, but she was hopeful, especially because Hotch told her that James had been in contact with him for updates on Nate.

"Jack and I can take the drive with you," he offered. "We won't stick around during the visit, but we'd be around for moral support if needed."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"That's not why I'm offering."

"I won't say no if you'd like to come, but I don't know how much there is to do around there."

"We'll find something."

"Ok."

Hotch asked her if she was nervous about seeing him again to which Emily replied a little. But it wasn't about her. It was about Nate and repairing his relationship with James. That was what was important.

"I understand. If things get too tough for you, I can hang out with them and you can spend time with Jack for a bit."

"Appreciated, but not going to happen. I need to be there with Nate. I need to mediate if it comes to that."

"Just offering."

"Thanks." Her hand reached through the slight space between them, resting on his arm and gently squeezing. "You really have no idea how much everything you've done for me has meant."

"I think I do."

"Thank you… For everything."

"Anytime."

She smiled and pulled her hand away. "On that note, I'm turning in. I was thinking we could leave around eleven?"

"Sounds good. Night, Emily."

"Night Aaron," she said, testing the waters. "That feels weird."

"It's my name."

"I know. I just always called you Hotch. It was what you wanted to be called, but also the more professional thing, but I'm not an agent anymore."

"I can still be Hotch."

"Or you can be Aaron. We'll just have to see."

Emily retreated to her room, slipping into her jammies and fulfilling her nightly rituals. Before getting into bed, she peeked into the boys' room, their door always kept slightly ajar. Both were sound asleep, Jack's arm hanging off the side of the bed and Nate sprawled out, his covers falling off. Emily pulled his blanket back over him before heading to bed.

She was nervous about the next day, but was so tired, she slept easily. In fact, the alarm came way too soon. She could have slept the day away. She couldn't, and the group was out the door at eleven sharp and at the rehab facility before one.

Hotch and Jack dropped them off before exploring the town, Hotch sure to tell Emily his phone was on and to call for anything. Emily assured him she would but hoped not to need to.

"Ready?"

"I guess," Nate huffed.

He wasn't thrilled about the visit. Emily knew that, and he made no effort to hide it, but he was going to try. As they walked through the halls toward James' room, Nate gripped Emily's hand and squeezed it. He was nervous too, wondering if his father would send him away or not want him around again.

Surely enough, it didn't go that well.

The initial greeting was forced, but friendly. James was thrilled to see Nate and went to hug him with vigor, but Nate wasn't nearly as enthusiastic. James let go, knowing the sour reception was his doing. Emily tried to let the conversation flow naturally and only mediate when necessary, but a few silent minutes with no interaction at all led her to step in.

She had Nate catch James up on school and what he was learning. He could talk about that no problem. Every so often when there was a lag, she would offer something to reignite it. Eventually, she remembered to tell Nate to give his father the gift they got him.

James pretended to love it. "This is awesome, Nate. Thank you."

"Thank Mom. She made me pick something out," he harshly said, but it wasn't the tone that got James, it was the reference.

He heard "mom" and immediately looked confusedly toward Emily.

Thankfully, before James could say anything, Nate continued talking about their trip to the monuments. He was excited to share the history he learned from Emily and all the cool things he saw with anyone who would listen. It was a safe topic for him to talk with his dad about. An icebreaker of sorts.

"We saw everything I've wanted to. Now we just have to go to the rest of the museums," Nate said. "I want to go to the spy museum. Jack said that one was cool. Hotch said he could take us during our Thanksgiving break. He won't have to work and then we'll be in our apartment."

"Apartment?" James asked.

"Yes," Emily answered. "Nate and I have been staying at Hotch's, like I've told you."

"No, I don't think you did," he angrily responded.

"I did," she affirmed, "But now we're going to move into our own apartment." She was treading carefully, reading his reactions. He wasn't happy. "It's a nice building, very safe, and in his school district."

"What about the house?" he asked.

Nate was already getting uncomfortable, and only just minutes after he started to warm up again.

"We can talk about that later," Emily hissed, nodding her head toward Nate, subtly trying to allude that they would discuss it without him.

"No, we'll talk about it now."

"Later," she said through gritted teeth.

Nate, sensing the tension, tried to interrupt and talk, unfortunately, he brought up Hotch again, which just rubbed salt in an already raw wound.

"Why does he keep bringing Hotch up?"

Things escalated from there.

"Are you fucking him?"

"James!" Emily yelled, both she and Nate flinched at the harsh tone.

"Are you?"

"Jesus, James. What is wrong with you?"

"I have the right to know if you're bringing your fuck buddy around _my _son. God, you're supposed to be taking care of him, not using him as date bait."

"Don't talk to my mom like that," Nate defensively yelled.

"She's not your mom," James countered.

"Yes, she is. You told me she is and so did she. I love her and she loves me like you don't anymore."

"Nate," James tried, remorse hitting him hard and fast.

"I hate when you're like this," Nate huffed and stormed out.

Emily was tempted to follow and leave the angry James she barely recognized behind, but she knew better. There were things they needed to discuss, and Nate needed a moment to cool down. He was a lot like her in that respect. He wouldn't go far.

With a deep breath, Emily said, "I guess it's later, and we need to talk."

"Shouldn't you go after him?"

Emily sighed. "He needs a moment, and Hotch is in the lobby with Jack waiting after I sent him a message."

"Great. Send your boy toy to play daddy."

"Stop," Emily immediately put an end to that. "Hotch is my friend and he has been good to both _our _son and me. For the record, we are just friends and I would never use Nate to get a date. That's the end of that topic, and if you know what's good for you, you won't bring it up again."

Emily kept reminding herself that, while the doctors said he had better control over his temper than he did when he arrived, the outbursts were still there. He couldn't help it and probably never could completely stop them, but they were working on tools to control them.

"He's calling you _Mom_ now?" James growled.

"It's not his fault," she repeated to herself.

"I am his mom. You made sure he knew that. If you didn't want this to happen, you shouldn't have told him." Squeezing her hands in fists, she calmly said, "You can't treat him like that. He was nervous, but excited to see you."

"Yeah, sure looked that way. You had to force him to talk to me and all he could talk about was this man playing dad to my son. This man, who you say is just your friend, gave me a talking to, and then I find out you're all playing house again. He's my son. I don't want him relying on Hotch."

"Then maybe you should man up and take responsibility for your actions. He's attached to Hotch because he has been there after you shut him out. He wanted nothing more than to come see you as often as he could, but you didn't want that. That's on you. Damn it, James! We've had this conversation already. You're supposed to be fixing things with him, not making them worse."

"I didn't mean to," he said. "I just… I got upset."

"But you don't get to berate me and blow up in front of him anymore. I know you care, and so does he, but he doesn't feel it right now."

She ran a frustrated hand through her hair.

"I know you love him, and I know you're not happy with the situation, but, despite the lack of friendship between us now, you have to know that I wouldn't use him or make him call me mom, or do anything that could end up hurting him. Tell me you know that."

"I do. I know that."

"Good. Now, next time you want to yell at me, don't do it in front of him, and don't take out your frustrations on him."

He nodded and was about to speak, but Emily could read him. He wanted to give her a mushy apology and she just wasn't there. She didn't want that.

"As for the house situation… I would like your permission to put it on the market."

"What?" He asked confused. "That's my house, Emily."

"I can't afford to take care of it, James. You don't have any money left. Nate and I have to survive off what I have."

"What do you mean there's no money left?"

"Do you have any idea how much this place costs? Places like this aren't cheap. We're talking six figures by the time you're out of here. Medications, hospital bills, surgery… That's expensive. And then I was in the hospital, I had surgery, Nate had medical needs… I don't have a job right now, James."

"You're staying?"

"Yes. Which you would have known if you let Nate talk before blowing up." She rolled her eyes and huffed. "I'm staying in Nate's school district, at least for the rest of the school year while I look for a job. I'm hoping I can find something still in the area, so he doesn't need to be moved again. The apartment is in Hotch's building."

He went to talk, but she raised her hand to still him.

"No. You don't get a say in that. He loves Hotch and he loves Jack. They are my family and now they are his. You opened that door. I've done everything I can for you and now my focus is solely on keeping him happy and healthy. This is what he needs. He is excited to decorate his bedroom and to have sleepovers with Jack and his friends. I'm going to give that to him, and you're going to continue to work on yourself and your relationship with him. I don't want to keep having that part of this conversation."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Yeah. Sorry isn't always enough. The point is that I'd like your permission to sell the house. You can't afford it and I can't spend money on it."

"That was my house with Vince. We were supposed to build a life there, make it a home."

"You will still be able to make a home, just under a different roof. You can say no, James. I'm not going to force you, but then things are going to have to change. I am tapped out. All the money in the cover ID accounts is gone. I used it to take care of your bills and to charter private planes for your trip here and for Nate and me to get out of France. I did what I had to do, but none of that was cheap."

"Are you saying you're poor? Your mother won't help?"

"My mother would help. She has, but it's not her responsibility to take care of your bills. For Nate, I'm sure she would do it, but we're not asking her to. I've paid for as much as I can. Now, if you sell the house, you can live comfortably after you get out of here. You can find an apartment or a smaller house near Nate's school. I don't know, but we'll find something. You need to understand that Nate doesn't want to be there. He doesn't want to be that far from his friends or his school. Forcing him to will not help."

James shook his head, reluctant to agree. Emily told him her game plan, how she would put it on the market and set up an account for James with money from the sale. Once he was done with rehab, she would help him find a place that was suitable for him and Nate and whatever condition he was in at the time.

Eventually, he agreed.

"Just sell it," he said. "I don't care. It wasn't the same without Vince and, like you said, Nate wasn't happy there."

"Ok. I'll get on that and will keep you abreast."

They talked a little more about what was to come and about Emily's job situation. They were civil, but no real personal talk was shared. Emily spent a little time with him to help him remember what he was getting better for, but she knew it was time to go and check on Nate.

"Emily? How do I fix this? With Nate? With us?"

She wanted to laugh, wanted to point out the irony of his attitude shift, but instead, just said, "You can start by calling… consistently. Every day before bed. You call him. We will not call you. Got it."

He nodded.

"Then we'll try an in person visit in a few weeks. Nate will cool down and he will see the effort you're making. Once we're settled in the apartment, maybe we can have you over."

He sighed. That was more than he deserved.

"And with us?"

"I've already told you. There's no fixing this."

"There has to be a way," he said. "What happens when I get out of here? Will you fight me to keep Nate with you?"

"I'm hoping it won't come to that. We'll be civil. We'll compromise."

"I'm going to want him to live with me. Full time."

"And I'm going to want to be a part of his life for the rest of time," she made clear. "Let's just hope this will resolve itself."

That was how she left it. She didn't want to say anything or leave on a sour note, but she made sure she was taken care of on that front.

_Emily sat in the botanical garden a block or two from Clyde's place, enjoying the London scene she loved so much. A mother and son were playing near the small pond, making Emily think of Nate. He would have loved it there. _

_The more she thought about Nate, the more she thought about the strain between her and James. Things would never be the same. He would never be her best friend again. She was ok with that. She had a whole flock of best friends now, but that didn't change the fact that it hurt. It hurt to know where their friendship was and the potential hardships to come. Most of all, it hurt to know that he could and might try to take Nate from her once he was better. Right now, she had custody and if he fought her on it, he would lose. _

_Eventually, he would be healthy again. He was already well on his way there. When that time came, he would fight to keep Nate with him all the time, and she couldn't let that happen. She didn't want to keep Nate from him, but she didn't want to lose Nate either. _

_James and Nate deserved to be together, but she and Nate deserved it too. No way could they ever, for any long period of time, stay under the same roof, but there had to be something. _

_Elizabeth's words about protecting herself and her rights kept playing in her mind. After her last encounter with James, it struck her even harder. She didn't expect him to just give up his son, but now she worried he would fight her completely. _

_Not being able to let that go, Emily pulled out her phone, searched through her contacts, and placed a call. _

"_Hi Malcom. This is Emily Prentiss. Remember a few months ago when you said we could talk other options if or when the time came? Well, I think that time has come. I'm in London for a few more days, but I'd like to set up a meeting as soon as possible. Can you get back to me with your availability? And if you can draw up some of those preliminary documents for me to look at, that would be great. Thanks so much. Talk soon," she left a message on his voicemail. _

Emily had a meeting on the books with Malcom the following week. She hoped that whatever plan of attack or defensive plays they came up with never had to be used, but it didn't hurt to have them in her pocket. It was something that had been on her mind since Nate came back into her life, and she hoped it never came to a fight, but she wasn't going to let him go.

She also wasn't going to let the what if weigh her down while Nate needed her. Her focus was on him and, right now, making sure he was ok. Custody and future worries would wait.

"Let's go home, Nate," she said, taking him in her arms for a hug. "Everything will be ok."


	40. Served

**Chapter 40: Served **

When they arrived at the Hotchner household, Emily took Nate to talk privately. She just wanted to gage where his head was at. He was angry. That much was clear.

"He shouldn't have said that," he seethed.

"No, he shouldn't have. But it's ok, Nate. I'm ok."

"It's not ok. He was mean again. I thought that was done."

"Nate, I know that it's hard to see your father like that. It's hard for me, too, but he doesn't mean it. Part of his injury causes outbursts like that. The doctors say that they're getting better, but they're still going to happen."

"I don't want to talk to him then."

"I know you don't mean that."

"I do," he huffed, obstinately crossing his arms across his chest.

"For what it's worth, he apologized to me, and he promised he'd apologize to you if you'd allow him."

"Yeah right."

"He's going to call you, Nate. When he does, please consider talking to him."

"Why?"

"Because he's your dad and you love each other. What he did was wrong and, yes, it made me feel bad, but he loves you and he's also going through stuff."

A part of Nate deflated, the anger starting to cool.

"Is he really going to call?"

"He said he would."

She was really hoping he didn't prove her a liar.

"Fine. I'll talk to him, but I won't be happy about it."

"That's ok."

It took a while for Nate to not be angry with his father after that visit, but he cooled down in time. James did as she told him. He called every night at the same time, just after his last therapy session of the day. The first few calls were rough, but Nate started to engage with him more and more as time passed. The calls did exactly what she thought they would. Unfortunately, they wouldn't see James in person until near Thanksgiving and a lot was done in the time between.

The night they came back from the visit, long after Emily's talk with Nate as the boys readied for bed, Emily, pouring hot tea into mugs for herself and Hotch, asked him what exactly James meant by their little chat.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Come on Hotch. James accused me of being in a relationship with you and said you were being protective. What did you say?"

"I just told him he had to treat you and Nate better. He hasn't done what I asked."

"It's not his fault."

"Maybe not completely, no, but you said yourself that now he has more control over it. He may have outbursts, but he has the tools and wherewithal to stop them before they escalate. He wasn't a hothead before, was he?"

"No," she admitted. "He was passionate, but never confrontational."

"Anyway, I talked to him man to man and told him that he needed to work on himself and be there for his son because the way things were going wasn't working for anyone."

"When was this?"

"Your birthday."

"I appreciate that you talked with him, but I don't need you fighting my battles."

"No, you don't, but I didn't like the way he was treating you or how his behavior affected you and Nate, so I said something. I wasn't going to let that continue. You didn't deserve that and neither did Nate. I stand by that."

"Ok… No arguments. Thanks, but please leave any future talks to me."

"I will but know I won't hold my tongue if I see you going down the rabbit hole again."

"I'd expect nothing less." She smiled. "Nate wants some Mom time." She smiled bigger. "I'm reading a chapter to him and Jack's forced to listen in."

"He likes it."

"He'd like it more if you read with me."

"How can I refuse? I'll change and meet you in there."

"Great," Emily said.

The boys thought so too. They took turns reading the chapter until both were out like a light. Then Emily bid Hotch goodnight and went into her room, slowly working on packing a box or two while she tired. It didn't take long, and just as she was about to fall asleep, the ding of her phone alerted her to a message from James.

"Sorry about today. I will call tomorrow. Please help me with Nate."

Emily rolled her eyes. She didn't doubt that he was sorry in his own way, but the change in him frustrated her. It wasn't just the change from the accident either, but what she was only beginning to realize was a total shift in his personality back when he first met Vince. She didn't like it. So, she decided not to answer. She would help, but she wasn't going to spend her life fixing things for him.

Her sleep was turbulent. Every time she fell asleep, she ended up waking and tossing around, trying to get comfortable. Eventually, sleep won out and she got a solid few hours before the morning began, and the boys were off to school.

Then her day really began. She called Derek first thing, hoping to catch him before the morning briefing or a case came up.

"Hey Em. What's up?"

"Hi Derek. You know, the usual. Freeloading off Hotch."

"Hey now. I hear you're moving out."

"I am. Nate and I got an apartment in the building. I expect your big strong muscles there to help with the move."

"You got it."

"That's actually part of why I'm calling."

"Yeah?"

"I need a realtor. Know any good ones?"

"Sure. If you have the apartment, what do you need the realtor for?"

"To sell James' house. It's… I need to take care of that."

"I've got some people. Give me the info and I'll make a few calls later."

"That would be great, Derek. Thank you."

"We gonna get together sometime? I miss my partner."

"I miss you too, Derek. Let's get a drink this weekend. On me. The first one anyway."

"Yeah. Count me in. Pen will probably be in on that too."

"Alright. The three of us. I'll talk to her too."

"Send me the info and I'll make the calls after the briefing."

"Thanks Derek. I'll email you everything."

She did that as soon as they hung up and then she waited, but there were plenty of things to tide herself over. Mostly, she went over to the house and packed some things up. Once she had the realtor lined up, she would decide what to do with the furniture. She could keep it there for the open houses, sell it, store it, or take some to the apartment. No decision was made yet. She was there to pack up more of Nate's stuff. She didn't have much there that wasn't still packed up. All her stuff from London remained mostly untouched and still in the boxes they were sent after she decided to live like a minimalist. Or maybe she just wasn't comfortable there, she thought. Made her job easier now, though.

She wanted to get more of Nate's stuff ready and maybe bring a few things to Hotch's for him to have already. Most of his colder weather clothes were at the house, so she needed to bring those, but it felt as good a time as any for some "spring" cleaning.

"To start over once and for all," she said to no one. "I'll make it work with James, and everything will be ok."

It was her own little pep talk and it motivated her to really make a dent in things. She managed to get all the stuff from her room into a few boxes and took Nate's stuff in a suitcase she found in the coat closet. Packing it into her car, she headed back to the apartment and unloaded it just in time for Derek's phone call.

One of the realtors he used for residential properties worked in the area and was willing to work with her on this.

"He wants to meet you at the house sometime. This week if possible. Can you do that?"

"Yeah. I can manage."

"Here's his number," Derek said, sharing the digits. "Call him when you get a chance. His name is Wayne McGregor."

"Thanks for doing this Derek."

"No problem, and if you want me to stop by the new apartment before we go out this weekend to check for any issues, let me know."

"I will. Thanks again."

"Got to go. Hotch is calling, but we'll talk soon."

"Bye."

Hanging up, Emily dialed the number she jotted down and set up an appointment for Friday morning. The rest of her week was full, but that would have to work. Busy was better, she thought. Less time to overthink herself into anxiety that way.

Lucky for her, time moved quickly and was filled with things to get done. Little by little, she packed up their stuff from the house. James called like clockwork, every night at 7:30, and Emily could see the change in Nate. Emily kept the meeting on the books with the lawyer anyway.

Wednesday morning, she drove into DC to meet with Malcolm.

"Hi Emily," he greeted.

"Hi. Thanks for meeting with me."

"No problem," he said. "I have a few preliminary documents. These are standard and not yet tailored specifically to your situation, but I wanted to speak with you more about what you wanted before doing that."

He walked her through the documents, explaining the options they had and what they would mean before asking her what exactly she wanted to do.

"I want to present James with some options. I don't want to threaten him… But I will if I must. I just… There has been some tension between us, and that's fine. I don't care, but he's only just starting to treat Nate better, like he is his son again. As he gets better and the more we talk, I worry that he'll take Nate and run the first chance he gets."

Emily sighed. She was more worried about that than she chose to admit to herself.

"I think he's afraid I'd keep Nate from him, which I don't intend to do. So, I'd like to have a document for a shared custody arrangement that I can present to him."

"And if he says no?"

"Then I present option B. Filing for sole permanent custody."

"Is he abusive in anyway?" Malcom leaned forward. "I'm sorry to be so blunt about it, and understand it might be sensitive to talk about, but you said that he hasn't treated his son right. I need to know. Has he hurt either Nate or you?"

"What?" Emily asked, surprised. "No… I mean, after his injury, he had a bit of a temper which could be a little explosive at times, but he never hit anybody. He wouldn't hurt Nate. Not physically anyway."

"What do you mean by explosive temper?"

Emily got into the details, even revealing the time he got a little physical with her and what the doctors have said.

"He's learning to control it," she told him. "By the time he's done with the rehab, they think he'll be less easy to set off and when that does happen, reign it in before it gets out of hand."

"But he has the potential to be physical," Malcom stated.

"I guess, but I don't want to have to use his injury against him."

"It's a last resort," Malcom agreed. "But it's something we might need to consider."

"I… Yes, I suppose so."

"For now, let's talk custody arrangement. What were you thinking for that? I know the situation is complicated. We've talked about the difficulties of you being the donor mother rather than natural mother, but because you currently have temporary custody and Nate has flourished under your care, I think you have a much better case," he said. "The document there is the generic 50/50 split."

"I think, with conditions, that might be the best option. What other arrangements are there?"

Emily and Malcom spent over two hours coming up with the document they wanted. It wasn't orthodox, but neither was their situation, and Emily just wanted Nate to have the best of everything. She wanted him to have both his father and mother and all the other people who cared about him in his life. She hoped that presenting this document to James, when the time was right, would help give Nate that.

"I'll draw this up and send it as soon as possible."

"Thank you so much."

"You understand that just giving this to him won't be like serving him, right?"

"I know. I just want to present this to him and let him know that I don't want to take Nate away, but I also don't want Nate taken away from me. So far, he hasn't really grasped that I just want what's best for all of us. This seems to be extreme enough to make him pay attention, but also be as amicable as possible by doing it more casually."

"Ok." He held out his hand. "Then I suppose that's all for today. You'll get the file in the mail shortly."

"Thanks again," she said, shaking his hand.

She went about the day after that. James called that night, and it was the first time Nate wanted to be the one to answer the phone. Usually he wanted Emily to talk to him and then pass the call on to him as if to keep it shorter.

Emily took that as progress. The calls got a little better each time.

Friday, she met with the realtor. He said they would have no problem selling it. Because it was only lived in for a short time and there was some work done on it not long before, they could put it on the market right away. She would have to put the stuff in storage, deciding not to take any of it and not wanting to sell it so that James would still have stuff once he found a different place.

There was a lot on her to-do list. Thankfully, the weekend was upon them. Hotch planned to take the boys to the museum. Henry wanted to go, too, so JJ tagged along. After that, they went furniture shopping. Nate picked out his bunk beds and helped Emily decide on everything else. That was set to be delivered in two weeks when Emily would be allowed to move in. She was happy to have that out of the way. Painters were finishing up that week and then she would be allowed to start putting in the small things.

Later that evening, Nate had a sleepover with Henry, and Emily spent time with Derek and Penelope. It was good for them to catch up. After they looked through the apartment, Derek saying everything looked good and he could build her some nice shelves for the living room, they went to a local bar.

"What can I get you ladies?" Derek asked.

"Oh, something girly," Penelope squealed. "With an umbrella."

"Just make that two, Derek."

"Coming right up," he said, leaving the girls at the table alone.

"So," Penelope started. "How are things with Boss man going?"

"You know he's not my boss anymore, right PG?"

"He could be your boss man in other ways," she said, raising her eyebrows up and down implying something less than regulation.

"We're just friends who happen to be cohabitating."

"Sounds like a missed opportunity to me. Please tell me you've at least caught him with his tie off if you know what I mean."

"You're as subtle as a freight train, Pen. I know what you mean… and I haven't… well, not intentionally."

"You've seen him naked," the blonde screamed.

Emily blushed, and it got worse when Derek came up from behind them and asked who saw who naked.

"Emily and Hotch," Penelope was all too happy to share.

"Hey now. When did that become a thing?" he asked, wide eyed, as he put down their drinks.

"It's not," Emily insisted.

"Then how did the two of you end up naked together?" Derek asked.

"We weren't both naked," Emily confessed before she heard her own words. "It's not like that. Look, Hotch was in the shower and I had to use the bathroom. The place only has one you know. I knocked first and everything, but I couldn't hold it anymore and went in… Just as he was coming out."

"No towel?"

"No towel."

"How big was he?" Penelope gleamed.

"Do not answer that," Derek said.

"I won't." She put up her hand. "Ah, ah, ah. No, Garcia. I'm not going into detail. Hotch and I, like the three of us, are just friends. Though, unlike you and Derek here, we don't flirt."

"But you could."

_You do, _the others both thought.

"No. We really couldn't."

"You so could, but I'll sit back and wait to say I told you so," she huffed, crossing her arms.

Emily insisted that day would never come, but it was nice to have that playful banter in her life again. They asked her about her job prospects and why she didn't just come back to the BAU. She honestly told them that, while she missed working with them and seeing them so much, she wanted a stable 9 to 5 job. She wanted something that didn't require a lot of travel and allowed her to set roots down.

"Last time you tried that, you ran to England," Derek reminded her.

"Last time, I didn't have Nate to consider. Not in the same way."

Derek understood what she was saying. When she took the Interpol job, not only was she dealing with her own traumas after coming back from Doyle and hiding, but she had this suppressed loss in her heart that always weighed on her.

"I'm proud of you," Derek told her. "You're a great mom, Emily. Don't forget that."

"Thanks Derek. I try. That's all I can do, I've realized."

They spent some time talking decorating and job prospects. Emily told them she put some feelers out, which she had, and already got a few bites. It was all wait and see for now.

Overall, Emily called the evening a fun, relaxing end to the week before the hectic move and transition began. And it came much quicker than she was prepared for.

While the boys were at school, Emily had a routine to her day. Once they were out and Hotch at work, she would go for her daily run, shower, then head to the house to pack. Movers came to bring the furniture to storage as well as all of James' and Vince's stuff. Emily didn't know what she should've done with Vince's stuff, but, honestly, she didn't want to deal with it, so she didn't.

The house was cleared out rather quickly and all of her and Nate's boxes were packed and ready over the next two weeks. Showings of the house didn't take long to begin either. Things were moving along.

On moving day, everyone was there to help Emily out, even, to Emily's surprise, Elizabeth. She took on the role of babysitter, taking Jack and Nate off to keep them busy, deciding to bring them to a nearby fair. That, perhaps, shocked Emily most of all. No way would Elizabeth have ever been caught dead at a fair while Emily was growing up. She was happy that she would do that for her grandchild. Warmed Emily a bit.

"I like the colors you picked for this place," JJ said.

"Thanks."

"I absolutely love Nate's room."

"It's pretty cool."

"Henry's going to want that too," JJ said, referencing the ceiling.

Nate wanted to paint the room a dark blue, so he could put glowing stars all over the walls. Emily vetoed that but promised something better. She delivered. The walls were painted his second choice, green. The ceiling was a shade of blue and the stars were put on, but she took it a step further. With Derek's help, she put up a thin cloth a few inches below the ceiling, stretching from wall to wall. In between the cloth and ceiling were the white Christmas lights. Whenever the room lights were out and those were on, it appeared as if he was looking right into the sky, stargazing.

Nate went crazy for it. In fact, the first night there, the two of them spent a quiet hour cuddled up in a blanket on his floor just staring at it.

Their place was very them, and ready to be lived in. It was perfect timing too, because they were a week out from Thanksgiving, and she was hosting. Plus, she had a lot on her mind still. Not only had the custody papers arrived and currently burned a hole in her bag waiting to be presented, but she had a few job offers on the table.

She had decisions to make, but they all said she could have until after the holiday to make it. She just had to make it through it, first.

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Nate and Jack had off. They were staying with Emily as Hotch was off on a case, coming back that night or the next morning. Before knowing Jack would be with her, Emily made plans to take Nate to see his father again. Now, Jack had to go with them, but she hoped that would work in their favor. Maybe James would comport himself better.

Before they left, Emily asked Nate how he felt about James spending a few days with them.

"Like living with us?"

"Only for a few days. He still has therapy to do and needs to go back to the rehab to see it through."

Nate nodded and made it clear that he was ok with it, happy even. And so, Emily talked with James' doctor about how to continue his care at home for a few days and if there was anything she needed to do. They gave her pamphlets of instructions, and, only after deeming herself capable of helping him do it, did she present the idea to Nate. She hadn't yet told James, but she didn't foresee him saying no.

They drove to the rehab later in the afternoon, getting there when they knew he would have completed his therapies for the day. They were a welcomed surprise. James was in better spirits. He was smiling more and welcoming to them. He even talked with Jack, which he hadn't often done in the past. It gave her some hope that things between the three of them could be amicable and, dare she think it, pleasant.

"So, how do you feel about coming home with us for Thanksgiving?" Emily asked him once she sent the boys to the lobby to get some snacks from the vending machine.

"I'm allowed to leave for that long?"

"This is a rehabilitation facility, mostly for injuries. It's not a prison. Yes, you can leave."

He didn't really respond past a roll of the eyes.

"I got it okayed with your doctors. They say your seizures are relatively under control. Gave me some emergency meds, just in case, and you'll need to do physical therapy at the apartment, but I have some equipment and a list of exercises to do with you. You can come home with us tonight and stay until Friday. Is that something you'd want?"

"Does Nate want that?"

"Yes," she said with a smile. That he asked about Nate before thinking of his own wants was promising. "I wouldn't have even brought it up if he didn't want it. But, before you answer, know that there are some conditions."

"Which are?"

"You have to follow the rules the doctors gave you. You're not allowed to drink because of your meds and you have to continue your occupational therapy as well."

"And? I know there's more."

"And you have to be civil with my friends. Hotch, Jack, and Penelope will be over for dinner and most of the day. So will my mother. You're not allowed to start anything with them."

He sighed but nodded. "I won't."

"Good. Then, if you'd like to come, we can pack you a bag and get going."

He nodded again and slowly moved toward his dresser. Emily helped him out with the packing, kindly telling him he looked better.

"Healthier. You got some of your weight back," she said.

"Thanks," was all he said.

It didn't take long for him to get what he needed together. Emily told him she pulled some of his clothes from storage too. Because of that, they were done before the boys returned and ready to leave.

He was walking much better. She still took the wheelchair for him because he tended to need it right after PT, but he walked out on his own with the aid of a cane. One side of his body was still weaker than the other. He was getting better, stronger.

It was an easy ride. Nate and Jack talked in the back, both trying to get Emily and James to talk with them too. They did well at it and made the ride go by faster. Then they settled in for a quiet evening. Dinner was takeout, something they were relying on a bit too much lately, but it was ok. Then Nate showed his dad around. While he did that, spending a lot of time in his room, Jack spent some time with Emily.

"You ok Jack?"

"Yeah. I was wondering…"

"About what?"

"Could I sleep in my apartment tonight?"

"Are you uncomfortable here, Jack? Is it because of James?"

"Yes… No. I mean no. I'm not uncomfortable, but I can tell Nate wants time with just his dad. If I slept upstairs in my room, then James could sleep on the bottom bunk."

"That's very sweet of you Jack, but I'm afraid that you can't stay there by yourself. I think I have a solution, though. I have a couch in my office that turns into a bed. I was going to give James my room and stay in there, but what if you take it? Then you'd have your own space and don't have to be alone upstairs. If you get lonely, you can always come into my room."

He nodded. "Yeah. Ok. Thanks."

Emily patted him on the shoulder and asked if he wanted to join her for some ice cream. Naturally, he didn't say no to that. They asked Nate and James to join them too. It all made for an uneventful, serene, almost surreal, evening. Emily liked it that way.

Hotch and the team returned the next morning, just in time for the pre-Thanksgiving craziness to start. Emily had a bunch of food prep to get on top of as well as helping James. However, Nate had that part covered. Hotch joined them for breakfast, and James was quiet, trying to keep his mouth shut, but Hotch tried to be friendly and breach the peace between them. The kids helped keep everyone in check.

Nate was happy having his dad around. A lot like he did with Emily, he took on the role of champion and healer, pushing James in his recovery, especially during PT. Once they ate, Emily recruited Hotch and Jack to help her in the kitchen with the pies she was making and left Nate to have more time with his dad.

While James was staying with them, she took a more passive position in Nate's life. It was something she consciously did, wanting Nate to enjoy his time with James without them getting into any arguments over one thing or another.

Nate told his dad that he was going to help him.

"Just like I helped Mom when she had to do PT. We did exercises every night together."

"You did?"

"Yup. She said that I was an excellent helper and really good motivation."

"She's probably right."

"She got better. Now I can help you too."

"I'd like that."

Nate was medicine. Nate pushed James and James wanted to be pushed by him. Every morning, they would get up and get right to work after breakfast. Every night, they would work on his occupational therapy to improve his writing and speech.

Thanksgiving was interesting. For the most part, even with Hotch and Jack around the day before, Hotch and James didn't interact much. When they were all spending time together, especially with nosey Penelope around, things certainly got more exciting.

It was the first chance Penelope really had some one on one time with James while he had the ability to communicate easily.

They were all waiting for dinner. Elizabeth was helping Emily in the kitchen. Nate and Jack went with Hotch up to his apartment to get some extra serving trays. That left the two of them to occupy each other.

"So," she started. "How's rehab?"

"It's good," James answered.

"You're talking much better."

"Yeah."

"But not very talkative."

He shrugged.

"Alright, well, I am, so you're going to have to keep up."

Penelope grilled him. She asked about his and Emily's past and why he chose her to be the donor. His answer made her like him a little more.

"She was the best woman I knew. Still is."

"Well, that's Emily. Selfless and absolutely amaze-balls." She looked around, knowing she was going into more sensitive territory. "And she's an amazing mom to Nate."

"She is."

"I'm just sad she didn't get to be his mom the whole time." Her tone and the narrowed glace let him know it was a bit of a scolding.

"I've made mistakes. She's not perfect either," James defended.

"Nobody's perfect James, but you chose her and then denied her. I've known her many years now, post you and Nate years. She has been through so much and Nate has brought her such joy… I guess, what's past is past, but I don't want to see her hurt again. Just know if she is, and I find you're the reason, I can do things. Not physical things, but I can do things that will make you regret it," she said, in complete seriousness.

He swallowed thickly.

"But we're going to make sure that doesn't happen, right?"

"Right," James agreed.

"Don't mess with a good thing, James. That's my advice. Emily is great with Nate and Nate relies on her. He loves her. She's not pushing you out of his life, she's just giving him more of what you give him. More love, more comfort, more family. That's not a bad thing."

He said nothing.

"Now that that conversation is out of the way, let's talk eggs. Did you have plans with the rest of them? I told Emily about them, too, you know."

"Vince and I," he said, clearing his throat, "We always wanted Nate to have siblings, especially with the life we were living where it was often just the three of us. We wanted him to have friends. There's no better friend than a sibling."

Penelope agreed, though, sometimes it was the siblings a person chose rather than blood.

"We planned to try one more time for a kid once we go resettled in the house."

"And now? What are you going to do with them now?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. That's something I should talk about with Emily, I guess." Though he wasn't much thinking about it at all.

"Good answer," Penelope approved.

Their conversation become much lighter after that, but it wasn't the last heavy conversation James had that night. After dinner and dessert were served, Emily and Penelope were in the kitchen cleaning. Hotch, having avoided James for most of the day, decided to sit down next to him and clear the air.

"It's nice to see you doing so well, James," Hotch said.

"Are you sure about that?" James hissed.

"I am. I don't understand what your problem is with me, but let's put it behind us."

"I told Emily I wouldn't start anything with you and that I'd be civil, so can you just walk away."

"I'm not looking to start anything."

"No, you're just looking to play father to _my_ son."

"I'm not looking to do that either," Hotch told him. "Nate is a great kid, and I love being around him. I even like helping him, but I don't want to be his father. He has you."

"Then stay out of his life."

"I can't do that either. I'll never be his father, but I will be someone he can count on and someone he can go to when he needs it. I'm not taking your place, but I have my own role in his life. Whether you like it or not, that is what happened. It's where we're at."

"You're right, I don't have to like it. And I don't."

"That's fine, but I know you'll eventually accept it and see that it's good for him to have as many people as he can around to support him."

"He has me."

"He does. But you're not a one-man army. He needs more than just you."

James didn't say anything, just shook his head.

"For the record, Emily and I are not a couple. Nor has she ever used Nate to get to me. She wouldn't do that."

"I know," he admitted. "I just don't like that you're the one there for my son. He talks about all the things you and Emily do with him. He considers your son his brother. This isn't what it's supposed to be like," he gritted.

"Maybe not, but life rarely is how we expect it. What's important is that he's happy and healthy. That says a lot after all he has been through. I hope that, whatever comes up and whatever happens next, you'll remember that. Emily has done well for him. Don't ruin that for them or for yourself. You owe her more than you realize, and, the sad thing is, she'll never collect."

"You care about her," James said.

"Of course. We've been through a lot together and I've watched her go through even more. We're all protective of each other."

"I picked up on that," he said.

"With her, I think it's worse. We've come close to losing her a time or two. So, fighting against her puts an army against you, and the one that will get hurt the most is Nate. No one wants that."

"No…"

"Let's put whatever is between us, behind us, and move on. We both care about Emily and Nate. Let that be common ground and allow us to move forward. Can you do that?"

Sighing, still not completely happy, James replied, "I can try. And I guess I should thank you for helping my son."

"No thanks necessary. Just keep working hard. Things are already getting better."

He nodded and then Hotch excused himself, off to sneak another piece of pie.

All in all, James' stay with them went much better than expected, but Emily was sure the drop off wasn't going to be as smooth. She opted to have Nate stay with Hotch while they drove back, lying and telling James that they had plans. Nate and James said their goodbyes that morning, and Emily drove him back, the custody stuff in her purse for the ride.

Settled again in his room, James said, "Thanks for letting me come for Thanksgiving."

"I hope you had a good time."

"I did. It was… So full of life with your friends. Nate was happier than I've seen him in a while."

"He's doing so well."

"He is… I'm sad that I'm only just being a part of his life again. I… I was wrong to push him away, but I thought it was what was best."

"I know." Emily sat down, clutching her purse. "Maybe we can do it for a weekend here and there. And Christmas, maybe."

"That would be great. Yes."

"Good."

Emily gave a tight-lipped smile before looking away.

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look like you have something you want to talk about but don't know if you really want to."

She nodded. "I do… On both counts. There's something we need to discuss."

"Ok. Talk to me."

Emily began by restating what she already told him about the house and stuff. He told her she didn't need to tell him that again.

"I talked with my lawyer."

"What?"

"… About Nate."

"What about Nate?"

"About what happens next, with him…"

"What happens next?"

"Eventually, you're going to get out of here and live somewhere that's not with me. I'm not prepared to lose Nate in my life."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously, waiting for the ball to drop.

"I asked him – my lawyer – to come up with a custody arrangement I think we can both live with."

"You did what?!"

He was already livid. All he heard was custody and he assumed he knew the rest. Emily tried to explain that it was a fifty-fifty split. She tried to tell him that there were stipulations for him, conditions that she knew he would be questionable about… None of what she said registered. All he saw were custody papers in his hand and his once friend looking pitiful in front of him.

"Get out. Get out of my room. What the hell was this? Were you letting me spend time with Nate just to soften the blow? Now you want to take him from me?"

"I don't want to take him from you. That's what that says."

"Just get out."

"Look at the papers, James. There's a lawyer on staff. Talk to her."

"I said get out," he yelled.

"Please read it over. You'll see it's fair." Head down, long sigh passing her lips, Emily walked out. She wished it went better.


	41. Growth

**Chapter 41: Growth**

As Emily left the rehab facility, she told herself she did what she needed to do to protect herself and Nate and at least Nate wasn't there to witness that. Another time seeing James blow up at her would have had Nate's relationship with him taking two steps back. It was one thing she managed to avoid. She knew he would react first before hearing her out, and that was exactly what he did.

The car ride gave her some time to figure it out. She was just happy to be home. It was done.

Nate, of course, asked about how his father was when she dropped him off. She just said that he was fine, sad that he wasn't there, but fine. Nate didn't ask any further questions but was a little curious why over the next few days, when James called every night, he didn't want to talk to Emily at all.

"Why aren't you and Dad speaking?" Nate asked, his eyes squinting. "Was he mean to you again?"

"Nate, I love you, but it's none of your business. Your father doesn't want to talk to me when he calls because he wants to talk to you as much as he can."

"You're lying," he said.

Emily offered a sad smile and ruffled his hair. "You're a smart kid, but don't try to figure out adult things. Your father and I have our own set of issues, but we're both going to be fine."

"Going to? You're not now?"

"We are, but we can always be better. People and relationships can always be better."

He shrugged, "I guess."

"Well, I guess you also know it's time to get into your jammies and ready for bed."

"If I have to." He rolled his eyes. "Can we watch my show again? It's only a half hour."

"Yes. After you get ready for bed."

He got right on that, and they had an easy evening. For about a week, that was their nightly routine. James would call, they would get ready for bed, and then they would watch an episode of one of his shows from the queue before he fell asleep and Emily turned on some of her shows or looked through the job offers trying to make a decision, which was proving harder than she thought.

Decision time was coming, and she couldn't seem to make one. She had to talk it out with someone. She needed a sounding board and turned to JJ.

Sunday afternoon, JJ came over to the apartment with Henry and Michael. The boys were building one of Nate's new Lego sets, one he got for doing so well on his first report card, while the ladies spoke.

"You look deep in thought," JJ said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I am," Emily admitted. "I have a few jobs offers on the table and I'm not sure which I want to take.

"What are they?"

"Well, there's one at a Government contracted firm that does security intel. I'd be helping with translating and transcribing audio recordings for intel. That same job is available with the CIA. Both require top clearance, which I have…"

"Wait? The CIA? You're thinking about going to the CIA? Are you out of your mind?"

"It's not the same," she reasoned.

"Like hell it's not."

"JJ, I wouldn't be part of a taskforce or in the field at all. I'm done with that. I've had my fun, now I'm… I'm…"

"Nesting?" JJ added.

"I guess. I wouldn't pick a job that would constantly take me from Nate. He needs the stability in his life to continue. Both of those jobs would be a lot of working from home when I wanted and just coming into the office for briefings and top-secret stuff."

"Is that where you're leaning, then? To the CIA?"

"I don't know. That's what I've been saying… There is another offer."

"Do tell."

"Hotch actually told me about it. There's a professor at Georgetown that's about to go on maternity leave. They're looking for someone to take over her course load for the rest of the semester, which is only a few more weeks, but then for all of next semester. If it goes well, they'll give me my own courses next school year."

JJ watched the way Emily explained the job and discussed what classes she would be teaching. It would include a mix of psychology courses, introductory stuff to linguistics and a course in criminal psychopathy. It was only three classes this semester, but Emily said it was four the next.

"I know you love languages and I'm sure still being in the crime fighting business is appealing, but you sound genuinely excited when you talk about teaching."

"I… I am. You remember college, right? It's like going into a whole new world, just trying to figure things out."

"For what it's worth, I think you'd be great at it. You were always great at the FBI seminars."

"Thanks."

"Are you thinking that's what you want to do?"

"I don't know… Usually they hire PhDs only. I have a Masters and the experience which makes up for not having that, I was told. I met with Dean Mansfield and did a practice lecture right before Thanksgiving. That was the last stage of the interview process."

"How did it go?"

"I was terrified, but it was exhilarating and fun. There were students there who wanted to be there, and they filled out a survey about me after."

"What did they say?"

"I couldn't see the surveys, but the dean said it was all good feedback. That was why I'm their first choice, but I have to let them know tomorrow because I'd be taking over next week, and they would like me to talk with the current professor before she leaves."

"What are you going to do?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm going to give it a shot," she said. "If I don't end up enjoying it the way I think I might, I don't have to stay past May."

"I think this will be a good change for you. Your own stability, for you and Nate."

"I hope so," Emily said.

"You'll be great. You're going to have young men hot for teacher."

"Let's hope not." Emily shook her head. "That was such a Garcia thing to say."

"We all spend enough time together."

"We do."

"Well, soon to be Professor Prentiss, what do you say to taking the boys to Sweetie's Bakeshop for a celebratory cupcake or pastry of your choosing? On me."

"I say yes please."

Henry and Nate didn't object either. Michael wasn't given much of a choice.

The next day, Emily committed to the job. By Wednesday, she had a meeting with Dr. Kemper, the woman she was taking over for. She thought it went well. The woman looked ready to pop, even if she did say she was only about seven months along.

They discussed the rest of the semester and the lesson plan already in place.

"You can deviate, of course," Dr. Kemper said. "They're your classes now."

Dr. Kemper, who she was told to just call Hanna, talked a little about the students Emily would have. She shared who the potential problem students were and who the ones who really cared were. It all just got Emily even more excited.

"If you need anything clarified about my class notes or about the classes, you can call me. My number is on the desk in my – your – office."

"Thank you, Hanna."

"Thank you," Hanna said.

Things were changing for Emily, again, but she felt good about it. She had nearly another week to really prepare, and, in the meantime, she shared the news with everyone.

"So, you're going to be a teacher?" Nate asked.

"Yes."

"Teaching kids like me?" His eyes bugged out. "You can be my teacher!"

"Aw, I'd love to be your teacher, but this is a little different. I'm teaching older students."

"Like your age?"

"Some of them might be, but mostly young adults."

"Cool. Can I see you teach sometime?"

"We'll see. Most of the time, I'll be there while you're at school and I'll be home when you get home."

"Really? And you won't have to go away like Hotch does?"

"No. My job will be in one place. I'll go there, I'll do the work, and then I'll come home. Sometimes I will have work to do here like grading papers or tests and I'll go into my office, but I won't have to go away."

"Do you like this job?"

"I think I will."

"More than your old job?"

"I think I'm going to like it just as much, for different reasons."

"So, you won't be sad that I made you stay here?"

"Oh Nate. You didn't make me do anything. I'm here because I want to be here, for both you and me. My family is here with you, my mom, and the team. That's all I needed to be happy, job or no job."

"I love you," Nate said, giving her a big hug.

"I love you too… So much." She squeezed him harder. "But that doesn't get you out of homework. Once you finish, I thought we could go to the store to pick out some stuff for my office and I'm going to need a new computer bag. My old one is on its last leg."

"Ok. Can I get a new toy or game?"

"We'll see. You can definitely get a new book and you need some new sneakers. You're growing like a weed."

"They're a little tight, but I don't need new ones. I like the ones I have."

"Then you can get the same ones, just in a size that fits." Emily patted his knee and told him not to argue. "Go do your homework so we can go, please."

Nate wasn't fond of the waiting while Emily needed to shop for a few new things. She needed some work attire, she told herself, an excuse to buy some new outfits. She didn't go overboard, though. Nate got his new shoes and a small Lego set to add to his collection, while Emily settled on a new set of pants, one dress, a shirt, and a few cardigans… She wanted shoes but decided not to put Nate through that. Her little trooper was over shopping.

She was glad she got what she did, though, because she was more comfortable on her first day. Naturally, the first day did not go without a hitch. Her Introduction to Psychology class was a disaster. The students were young, and some were eager to learn. Most, however, were little monsters who seemed like they didn't want to be there at all. It didn't help that James decided to finally call to talk with her directly… while she was in the middle of class.

She hit ignore on her phone, apologizing to the class, and continued with her lecture, but he called again and again. Eventually, as they neared the end of the class anyway, Emily let her students go early and went to her office.

"Finally decided I was worth talking to?" James answered the phone.

"I could be asking you the same thing, James, but I'm an adult and that would be a stupid way to greet someone."

"I wanted to talk."

"I got that."

"I'm sorry."

"For?" she asked, needing him to say it so she knew how to proceed.

"For how I reacted. It wasn't fair to you. All I saw was you trying to make a move to take my son from me. I didn't give you a chance to speak, and, if I did, I would have seen what was really happening."

"Which was?"

"You were trying to protect Nate from us fighting, and that's being more of a parent than I have been."

"Uh huh," Emily said, wanting to encourage him to continue without saying anything to disrupt it.

"I talked with the lawyer… and my therapist."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. And… they think it's fair."

"Uh huh…"

"Can you say something else?"

"What do you want me to say James? I told you from the start that I would fight to keep him in my life, but that didn't mean I would take him from yours. You were the only one that doubted that."

"I know…"

He paused and, Emily, tired of waiting for him to put in the effort, chose to cut this short.

"James, if you have nothing to say or need to think about it, let's do this some other time. I'm at work."

"You're working?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Georgetown."

"University?"

"Yes."

"Doing what?"

"Teaching," she replied.

"That's… different."

"Yup," she said, annoyed. She didn't want his opinion.

"Good for you. Congratulations."

"Thanks. I have another class soon."

"I'll talk with you when I call later?" he asked. "There are some things I need to say."

"Ok. We can talk then. After you talk with Nate."

"Thank you."

"Uh huh. Bye."

Hanging up, Emily took a long breath, holding it for a moment before slowly exhaling. The day was almost over. "Almost there," she said to herself.

Thankfully, the last class of the day was an upper level course and mostly consisted of juniors and seniors who knew what they were doing and why they were there. So, everyone paid attention and asked questions. They engaged and wanted to be engaged with. That was what made Emily know it was all worth it. That class had already become her favorite. It was a topic she enjoyed and with students who wanted to learn from her. It was good.

They enjoyed it and so did she. Overall, she called her first day a success. And there were many more to come.

Working gave her a greater appreciation of the time she had with Nate. She already savored every second, but now that it was a little more limited, in theory, she savored it that much more. Nothing really changed. She was home before he came home from school, so they weren't losing any time together, but she hung on each moment.

Nate had a surprise for her on her first day. He, by way of Hotch, got her favorite foods for dinner and a chocolate cake for dessert. It made her feel special.

"Are you happy, Mom?"

"I'm very happy, Nate. Are you?"

"I am."

It wasn't a lie, either, not for him or her. Nate still got sad sometimes about Vince and James, but he was happy. He liked his life. Emily liked hers too.

"Thank you for doing this for me, Nate."

"You're my mom. I wanted you to be happy on your first day."

"My special boy. You have such a kind heart."

"I'm a big softie," he said. "But don't tell anyone."

"I won't," she promised.

Nate had her talking about her day more than he talked about his, but just this once, Emily didn't mind. And when James called that night, Nate recapped all that she told him to his father.

"Dad wants to talk to you," Nate said, handing her the phone curiously.

She took the phone and told him to go get ready for bed so they could watch some TV when she was off the phone.

"I'll be in my room," she said.

Again, he looked at her curiously, but said ok. He looked back with suspicious eyes as he walked away.

"Hi James," Emily greeted, heading into her room and closing the door behind her.

"Hi Emily. Are you free to talk?"

"Yeah."

"Ok… I don't know where to start."

"Start somewhere, James. I'm not doing this for you."

"I'm sorry. I know I've said it a lot already, and it probably doesn't mean much, but I am sorry for everything. I should have at least let you tell me what the papers said before I flipped."

"You should have," she agreed.

"I talked to my therapist about it and about my reaction. When she asked me what the papers said, I couldn't even tell her. I assumed the worst. I assumed you were trying to just keep custody of him. That wasn't right of me."

"No, it wasn't."

"She asked me if it would be ok to bring in the lawyer to talk about what the documents said with me. I said yes and allowed her to stay too."

"And?"

"They came to the same conclusion that I eventually did."

"Which was?"

"That Nate's mother was a woman who clearly cared about both me and my son because she wants to keep things civil and make sure I continue with my own recovery."

"What are you saying, James?"

"I'm not happy about the situation," he started. "But I think what you're asking for is fair. The conditions for me are… I think having that be legally binding might be good for me."

The conditions were that he had to live in the same district as Nate so that he didn't have to change schools and in a suitable home for both of them, James had to continue seeing a psychologist at least once a month for a year after he was done at the rehab center, and a few other stipulations that were there to help him and protect Nate.

"I thought so too."

"I… I think that part of me is just angry because it feels like you're taking Vince's place."

"I'm not. I wouldn't want to."

"I know, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel like it. Vince is… He's gone, and I miss him every day. I just don't want Nate to forget about him. I wasn't even there to help him grieve."

"I was," Emily said. "And it was hard. He was hurting and there wasn't much I could do. I tried to find little ways to help him, just like you would have."

"You know, he asks me about my therapies every day. He wants to make sure I'm working hard, but not overdoing it. He does your mother hen thing."

"I'm not a mother hen."

"Emily," he said.

"Ok, I can be… But it's because I care."

"I know. He got a lot of qualities from Vince and me, but there's no denying that you're in there too. I tried to forget that for a while. I felt bad for leaving with him and Vince, cutting you out of my life and his. It was easier to pretend you weren't part of the equation, but that was hard, and I don't want to do that again. So, let's do this right. Let's make the custody arrangement official, but with one change."

"What's the change?"

"It doesn't have to be a part of the official document, but I want you to agree to bring him by more often. I know it's hard to get here. It's a bit of a drive, but I can't come to you and I can't make the effort to be the dad he needs if I only talk to him on the phone."

"I always planned to bring him more, James. You just had to be open to it."

"Every other week? Schedule permitting?" James asked.

"We can try that. Nate's in his school's Winter Wonderland Pageant… He's playing a snowflake."

"He told me."

"Why don't you come with us? You can meet some of his teachers and see how well he is doing there. He loves school."

"Really?"

"Yes. Come."

"I… Yes. Let's surprise him, though."

"Ok. We can do that. He has to get there early anyway, so I'll have Hotch bring him when he takes Jack."

"Ok," he said, not making any comment about Hotch.

"And we can talk about Christmas then. Ok?"

"Sounds good, Emily."

Emily could hear him take a deep breath through the phone.

"Thank you for always being the bigger person. Despite how I act sometimes, I am happy Nate has you in his life now."

"Me too, James."

"Can we talk again tomorrow?"

"We'll see."

He had to accept that. It was a small moment between them, but Emily was pretty set in just keeping things amicable and at acquaintance level between them. Times had changed and so had they. Things were slowly getting repaired between them, though, which made Nate extremely happy. He didn't have to worry about a fight every time they saw each other.

Turned out that surprising Nate was the right thing to do. He was curious when Emily said Hotch would be taking him to the pre-pageant rehearsal with Jack.

"But you're gonna come, right?"

"Of course, Nate. Nothing could keep me away."

"Then why aren't you taking me?"

"I told you. I have to finish some things here, but I will be there. I promise."

"And we can still go for ice cream after? Hotch said he's taking Jack."

"Yes."

"Alright," he conceded, giving her a hug and kiss before getting his stuff together and going to Hotch's.

When he left, Emily had just enough time to rush to the rehab center and get to the school with James before the show started. They arrived, both dressed well, and ready to surprise Nate. Emily had James wait outside the room that she knew the kids were using for make-up and dressing before knocking and going in to find Nate.

"Don't you look handsome," she said, walking up behind him, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "My little snowflake."

"You're here," he excitedly said.

"I said I would be, and I came with a surprise."

"For me?"

"Of course. Tell your teacher you're going out in the hall with me and you'll be right back."

He ran off and talked to his teacher who looked up and waved to Emily before giving Nate permission. Emily told him to close his eyes and she guided him out into the hall.

"Now, open them."

"Dad," he yelled, running to hug James. "What are you doing here?"

"Em –" he stopped and corrected himself. "Your mom thought it would be nice for me to see you in the show."

He turned to Emily, this time hugging her. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Nate."

"Are you staying the weekend?" Nate asked, the beginning of a bunch of questions he asked. James did his best to answer them all and have a little moment with his son.

"Nate, I know you're excited, but it's almost time for the show. You need to finish getting ready and practice with your friends. Your dad and I will be in the audience cheering you on."

He looked between the two adults with a small pout on his face before shrugging. "Ok."

"Hey Nate. You're going to be great out there," Emily said, ruffling his hair.

"Break a leg," James added.

"Thanks," Nate said, waving before he told them he'd see him after the show.

"He has already grown so much in the last few months," James said almost wistfully.

"He had a little cold not too long ago, so I took him to the doctor. She said he grew about an inch from his physical in August."

"He's going to be tall."

"He is."

"What else did the doctor say?"

"He's very healthy. Up to date on shots and everything is looking good."

James nodded, happy and proud.

"We have a little time before the show. Come with me. Let me show you something."

James nodded and allowed Emily to escort him to Nate's classroom. She showed him Nate's desk and his decorated cubby as well as some of the art he had hanging in the collage on the wall.

"And this is Chestnut, the class Guinea pig," Emily showed James the pet. "We had a very interesting time when you came to visit, didn't we Chestnut?" She turned to James. "She says yes, in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't," he teased.

"He's doing well here," Emily told him, becoming more serious.

She patted her hand against one of the desks, telling him to take a seat. Just like her knee still got stiff, especially after being in the car for long periods of time, she knew his body did too.

"His first quarter report card was all A's."

"He has always been smart."

"He works hard," Emily said. "He had a history test last week and he couldn't remember the dates for it. He made me quiz him every night until he had it down."

"Persistent."

"Stubborn," Emily corrected.

"How did he do?"

"A 90."

James smiled. "I haven't gotten him anything for Christmas…"

"There's still time."

"I wouldn't even know what to get him these days."

"Books are always a safe bet. That kid loves to read."

"You have no one to blame but yourself for that."

"Suppose not." She wouldn't want to. "Legos, too. He wants the Star Wars set."

"Santa might have to pick it up, then."

Emily's eyes crinkled and she looked at James. "Does he believe in Santa?"

"Well, he did last year."

Emily gave a surprised nod. By nine, most kids started to realize Santa didn't really come down the chimney on Christmas Eve to deliver all the presents. She realized that Nate was a little naive. He lived a sheltered life and didn't interact much with other children until recently. He may have seemed like a normal kid, but with some things, he was behind the curve. Hell, he didn't even have friends until recently nor did he experience many of the average kid's life events until the last few months.

"What have you and Vince done on Christmas? Special things?"

"Sometimes, if we were in a city that had a gay friendly church, we went to mass. You know I wasn't big on religion, but Vince grew up in the hypocrisy of a crime boss raising a gay child in the Roman Catholic church. He liked to go. It was something he always did."

"Ok. We can do that, you know. I have taken Nate to a church here where Dave's friend is a priest."

"You've taken him to church?"

"Not often, but yes. We've gone a few times. There's a park nearby and there were kids around his age that participating in activities before mass, so I thought it would be good to socialize him a little more before school."

"How did he do?" James asked, interested and a little sad that it was something that needed to happen.

"It wasn't great at first, but he had some experience with Henry and Jack, so he was ok. Spent a little time alone first. I didn't want to step in and make introductions or anything, just wanted him to feel out the situation and help him prepare for school."

"I really messed him up, didn't I?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You can admit it, Emily. I have. I can see it every time I'm with him."

"See what exactly?"

"He's a different kid now. Not in a bad way, and not fundamentally, but he is… Better."

"He was always great."

"Absolutely," James agreed. "But he was… quiet and withdrawn, and I didn't even know it. Vince and I turned him into an obedient little automaton."

"You're being dramatic. He may have been a little behind socially and he has become more outgoing. I think he loves the limelight, but he was never a robot. He has just started to come into his own."

"Why do you do that?"

"What?"

"You always try to paint the best picture of me. Even when we were kids."

"I didn't do that," she lied.

"You do. I never understood why. I would do something to get us in trouble, and you took the blame. Every single time."

"I was a masochist," she quipped.

"Sometimes I think you are. You take abuse for the good of others. That's just the person you are. I don't get it. I'm not sure it's worth it, but it's who you are."

She didn't say anything. What was there to say? She did do that. Sometimes she stepped in to take a hit for someone else, usually someone she cared about, because she knew she could take it. She could take it and she could get through it, whereas she couldn't ever say the same for someone else.

"My doctor says that I've made great strides in my inpatient therapy. Since I've agreed to sign the custody arrangement and the stipulations meant continuing all my therapies, and because my seizures are under control now, they think I can be ready to live on my own in a few months. They want me to get a little stronger so that I can walk up and down stairs without help or getting winded, but I'm walking pretty well and doing most things on my own."

"That's great James."

"I know you said you're done helping me, but I was hoping you and Nate could help me find a place that he's comfortable with and is close enough to any doctors I might need."

"I can do that," Emily agreed.

"Thanks." He took a breath. "I guess we should get in there before the show starts."

"We should." Emily stood. "Let's go watch our kid be amazing."

James smiled. "That's the first time in a long time that you called him our kid without being angry or upset."

"He's our kid, James. We're going to raise him together from this point on. That is what we agreed to. There's no anger in that. There's no sadness. I just want us to be able to be in the same room with each other and to give him the best life possible. He has been through too much and lost enough already. It's our job to make sure nothing else happens."

His smile grew, and he put a hand around Emily's waist as they prepared to walk together.

"Nate is lucky to have you as his mother."

Emily leaned into the hug a bit. "Thank you."

It felt good for her to hear that coming from him. He had been jealous and upset with her for things that weren't her fault, but he still saw her as a good mother. That may have been part of the problem, but the fact that he could verbalize it without cringing was a step in the right direction.

So, as if they were the average heterosexual couple that they weren't, they proudly watched their son preform his five lines and blow everyone else out of the water. He was a natural according to them, born for the stage.

Then they celebrated, with Hotch, Jack and Elizabeth who also came to the play.

The whole night just felt so surreal and so different… It felt a lot like progress. They were moving forward, and they were on their way to making a go out of being a weird, semi-functional family. There was a long way to go.


	42. Season of Happiness

**Chapter 42: Season of Happiness**

The last few weeks leading up to Christmas were a little chaotic to say the least. Between shopping, paper grading and finals, plus decorating and setting up the apartment for James, there was a lot going on. Still, they wanted to enjoy it. Emily wanted to give Nate the Christmas she always wanted him to have with her, and, sometimes, that made her go a little overboard.

Penelope only exacerbated the problem.

Emily, trying to fulfill the blonde's request for more Nate time, asked Penelope to come along with her and Nate as they went tree and decoration shopping. Aside from a few specialty ornaments, when she was in London, she didn't really decorate for the holidays. It was just her, so what was the point? Now, she had to buy everything, and Penelope took that as a challenge to find the best of everything and as much as possible.

"What kind of tree do you want? Big? Small? Medium? Fat? Skinny?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Whatever Nate picks as long as I think we can get it into the elevator and up to the apartment," she said.

"I can pick it?" Nate asked.

"Of course. I want to make this a good Christmas and I want to get us all in the spirit. So, we'll look around and see what calls to us."

"Awesome," Nate said, running slightly ahead of them, bundled in his bright blue knitted hat and matching scarf.

There was no missing him in the crowd.

"You're adorable," Penelope squealed, playfully pushing her friend.

"What? Why?"

"The look on your face is just so precious. Bouncing between a lost puppy that has just been found and a mama lioness on the prowl to protect her little lion cub. Your face is never as expressive as it is when Nate's involved."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Emily said.

"Yes, you do. You can't take your eyes off him."

Emily's smile grew.

"See, you can't even help yourself. Adorable."

Penelope slipped her arm into Emily's, tangling them together.

"Come on mama. Let's go find your cub."

With a ridiculous, prideful smirk, Emily nodded and followed her friend's lead. The three of them walked around for over two hours before Nate finally settled on a tree that he liked, and Emily agreed on. They also picked up a door wreath and a few decorations there, but it became an all-day affair. The tree would be delivered later that afternoon, Emily offering to pay extra to avoid the hassle of trying to get that strapped down and secured onto her car. In the meantime, there was more shopping to do.

Ornaments, train sets, new stockings… They bought it all and went straight to the apartment to start decorating.

In the end, it looked like a winter wonderland. Gone was the tasteful interior decorating that Emily came up with and in its stead, a real-life holiday landscape took over.

Her life had never been as festive as it was then. Penelope even had fake snow in her windows and stick on snowflakes on the glass. It was ridiculous, yet it warmed her heart. It felt like a huge family was celebrating together and crafted this dreamscape to do it in.

When the tree came, she invited Jack, Hotch, and even Spencer to come help decorate knowing they didn't often do much themselves. Everything was complete. Taking it all in, the setting and the people surrounding her, Emily could honestly say that she was happy. For many years, the holiday season was one she dreaded. It was painted with haunted lonely memories, but this year changed that. She was overcompensating, sure, but it was as much for her as it was for Nate. There was nearly ten years of Christmases being packed into one season and, exorbitant as it was, neither could say they didn't like it.

Everyone around them was happy, sipping on hot chocolate, eating some of the holiday themed treats, and laughing. This was what Emily had wanted all her life. She wanted family, and now she had more than she could have imagined.

"You look happy," Spencer said.

"I am happy, Spence."

"Am I still invited to Christmas dinner?"

"Absolutely. Of course, you are. I thought you were going to go visit your mother, though."

"I was. I talked to her and she said not to come. She said it's too depressing, and she didn't want me to spend Christmas in a hospital with her. She was more cognizant when we talked, and she said that she loved me, but because of that, rather than in spite of that, she wanted me to be with my other family and I could come visit on a normal day."

"I'm sorry, Spence."

"It's ok. I plan to fly out the weekend before Christmas and come back on Christmas Eve so that I can still spend some of the holiday with her."

"A loophole. I get it. Let me know if you need someone to pick you up from the airport."

"Really? Thanks."

"You're my family, too, Spence. You're always welcome in my home, and I'll always be there for you. Actually, since we have a moment to ourselves while everyone is occupied, I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"In the beginning of all of this, you were the first person to know about Nate. You were there for me without really asking the questions I knew you wanted to, not prying, and not telling. For that, I'll always be grateful. I'm happy everyone knows about Nate and that I'm his mother. I'm happiest that Nate knows and accepts it, but I also know that you wouldn't have said a word."

"I wouldn't have," he agreed. "So, you're just thanking me for being your friend?"

"Essentially, yes. Thanks for being my friend."

"Thanks for being mine," he said.

"I hope you don't mind that we'll be joining my mother on Christmas day."

"I… I don't mind."

"Don't worry. We'll be there with you. Surprisingly, Nate makes her a much less scary person."

"Can I bring something at least?"

"I'll pick up her favorite wine and send you a list of chocolates and little things that she might like. No gifts. Just that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. My mom generally cooks for herself, but when she knows she'll have guests, especially on Christmas, she has a cooking staff come in the day before and prep everything so all she has to do is turn on the stove or mix a few things. It will be good, I promise, and we don't need much more than that."

"Alright."

They talked a little more about the plans before joining the group. All that was left was the angel to go on top of the tree. Emily got the honors. Hotch stood behind her, hand on her waist to steady her as she made her way up the small step stool. Everyone watched with smiles as the angel was placed.

Emily wouldn't compare it to a religious experience, but it all felt so perfect that she just might say it was. For her, this moment, and Christmas day itself, would help her ease some of the painful memories she associated with the holiday. No longer would she focus on how Nate was taken from her life or the many years after that when she spent Christmas alone.

"You're crying," Hotch said to her, sneaking up behind her.

"Happy tears," she responded, quickly wiping her eyes. "I'm happy."

"I can tell."

Hotch put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a friendly squeeze as they took in the scene. They too talked a little about the upcoming plans and Emily's little surprise for James and Nate. After that, things started to slow down. The long day of decorating and fun had them all tired. Spencer, having had one too many egg nogs, was crashed on the couch, but everyone else left shortly thereafter.

Their little holiday world stayed up way past New Years. They enjoyed it until then, and Christmas came before they knew it.

Nate was done with school for winter break the Monday before the holiday. They drove to the rehab facility and picked up James that Tuesday. Wednesday, the entire team and others in the bureau, were invited to Dave's for a holiday party.

Emily tried to give Nate and James some time alone at the party, even allowing them a little, semi-supervised time while she went and got Spencer from the airport. With everyone around, she didn't worry about what might happen, especially not when Dave and Derek promised to "babysit."

She returned with Spencer, and her family was still in one piece. Then the wine flowed freely, and the food came in rounds. By the end of the night, everyone was about five pounds heavier and fully satiated. Still, Emily took Nate home to bake the Christmas cookies. _For Santa,_ she told Nate. She could tell that he was weary about the Santa concept but went with it anyway. _Let him be an innocent child as long as possible, _she thought.

They stayed up a while, putting together a few different cookie flavors and setting them on a plate when they were finished.

"I think we're all set," Nate said. "We have cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer."

"We finished just in time for bed."

"But I'm not tired," Nate complained.

"I know you are."

"I'm not," he insisted. "I want to stay up with you and dad."

"Nate, listen to your mother," James added. "Or no presents in the morning."

Nate huffed, pouted, and reluctantly nodded. "Fine."

Emily instructed Nate to get into his pajamas and they would come say goodnight in a little while.

"No movie tonight?"

"Aren't you tired? Don't you want it to be tomorrow, so you can open all your presents?"

He did want that, so badly, but he also wanted more time with them.

"I want to watch a movie."

"Here's the deal Nate, tomorrow morning, we're going to be up early. You know it as much as I do," she pointedly added. "Your father and I are excited too, but in order to enjoy the day, we have to get some sleep, so no movie tonight, but if you're up for it, maybe we can do a double feature tomorrow."

"Alright," he gave in.

He went to bed easily and James and Emily even had a nice little moment saying goodnight to him together. The adults stayed up a little later, finishing the last of the wrapping and eating Santa's cookies together. Emily didn't mention it, but she was still tingling because James supported her role as Nate's mother, commanding him to listen to her.

"Thank you for picking the things up for me," James interrupted her internal thoughts.

"You're welcome."

"I always knew you'd be a good mother, but I didn't expect you to be such a natural with him."

"I love him. I try not to overthink and just react. That seems to be working for me."

"I wish… I wish that I could make up for what I took from you, but I know I can't. I promised you a part in his life, and it has taken years and a dire situation for that to happen. You and I are all he has now."

"He has us, but he also has a whole handful of extended family."

James nodded. "I do see that now…" He stood. "I have something for you. It's not really your gift, but, I suppose, it could seem like one."

"Ok…" Emily curiously nudged. "What is it?"

"Give me a second," he said, leaving the room. He came back with a large manila envelope and passed it to her. "Now it's official," he told her.

Emily carefully, but eagerly opened the envelope. Legal documents…

"You filed the custody agreement," she said.

"Yes. It's being processed now but will be official by the time I'm able to live on my own without any full-time medical needs. There's more in there. Something I think will make you happy…"

Emily flipped through the pages coming to a dead stop when she reached the last few. Her eyes watered as emotions ran high.

"This is an affidavit to amend Nate's birth certificate," she choked out. "But… How? Why?"

"Vince will always be Nate's father, just as I am, but he was never on the birth certificate. Vince wasn't his real name and, though it was who he was to us, he didn't want to risk our son by staking claim like that. I was the only father on record."

"But… Why? Why now? Why do it at all?"

"You and Nate… You deserve it to be official in name and blood."

"It didn't matter to me… I wouldn't have asked."

"I know, but you should have." He moved closer to Emily, putting his hand on her still frozen body. "You are his mother. He knows that, I know that, and you've always known that. We are as unconventional as it comes, but we are family. He is our son. Mine, Vince's, and yours. You haven't received the recognition you deserved, but I want you to have it now. I want your name there. I want him to know that, though Vince may biologically be his father, and he will never be forgotten, Nathaniel Hadley is the son of James Hadley and Emily Prentiss. No doubts about that."

"I… Thank you," she said. It was all she could manage. "Thank you," she repeated.

"Sometimes I feel you have done more for him in the last few months than we have his whole life. I should be thanking you."

"You raised him, I just helped when you needed it."

"It's more than that. He was always a good kid. He is smart and curious and so friendly, but he never really had a chance to be a kid. We isolated him."

"To protect him," Emily tried to justify.

"Yes, to protect him, but it took its toll. He hadn't socialized or had any friends, and now he does. Thanks to you. He's a better kid than the one I left in your care. He was always great, but now he's even better, and he owes that to you. I owe that to you. He's finally experiencing a normal life."

"Whatever that means," Emily joked. "Thank you so much."

"Thank you, Emily. Merry Christmas."

Emily looked at the clock. It was after midnight. Officially Christmas. "Merry Christmas to you too, James." She smiled and took his hand in hers. "I think this is the perfect point to end the night. I am… So thankful to have Nate in my life. I know the reason why he is, is unfortunate, but I can't be sad that I'm finally building a relationship with him. So, I appreciate this," she said, holding up the envelope. "It means so much."

"I know you may not feel the same about me, but I do truly love you, Emily. I will always see you as family."

"I… love you too, James."

That much was true. She could never hate him, though sometimes she wished she could. She disliked him… a lot, but she still loved him.

"Get some rest."

"Goodnight Emily."

She said goodnight, waited for him to head into his room before she retreated to hers. She slept like a baby, only to be woken up by an exuberant Nate jumping on her bed.

"Mom," he whispered at first.

She groaned and, not ready to get up, turned around to face away from him.

"Mom," he yelled, louder and louder and adding bounces on the bed until she finally responded.

"I'm up, Nate. Please stop."

"Merry Christmas," he sang, the biggest smile on his face, all toothy and adorable. "There are lots of presents waiting. Can we open them now?"

"Is your father up?"

"Not yet. I woke you first. You have to get up, then he gets up. I got you something special. Hotch took me shopping, but I don't want Dad to feel bad because his isn't so special."

"You got me something?" Emily asked, her voice sounding almost sad, but really, she was just touched. Between James' gift that night and whatever he was offering her now, she felt like a pampered, loved woman.

"Uh huh. Here," he said, passing her a wrapped box that was sitting on the floor.

"You want me to open it now?"

"Yes. It's your gift for Christmas. It's Christmas," he said, matter-of-factly.

Emily sat up and carefully ripped at the paper, wanting to savor the moment. It didn't matter to her what was inside, just that it came from him.

"It's beautiful, Nate," Emily said, eying the hand carved wooden box. Etched in the sides were little flowers and it was adorned with painted words, all related to being his mother. Inside, the box opened to pictures of the two of them and the family they created. Memories.

"Now you can have a new Nate box, one that won't make you miss me so much, but can be happy."

Her heart felt so full. She thumbed through a few of the photos. On the backs, in Nate's child script, were written a few words. He wrote about their experiences. _Aww…_

"I love it, Nate. Thank you so much," she hugged him, holding back the tears.

"We can take new pictures today and put them in, too. Ones with you, me, Dad, and Nana."

"I'd love that."

She hugged him again before telling him to go wake James so he could open his gifts before they went to mass with her mother. Spencer would be joining them as well. The present opening was a spectacle that Emily was happy to witness. Despite the mess, she loved every minute of it. The way Nate's face reacted to every present, the way he smiled when he watched his father and mother open their gifts… She loved it. Though, she could see that James and Nate missed Vince. At times, she found herself missing him too. Not that day, but sometimes. She missed him for them, mostly.

"Stay in the moment," she told herself.

"Mom, look," Nate called to her, showing her his present.

Emily acknowledge it and passed him the next. There was no shortage of presents. Nate and Emily agreed some of his old toys would be donated to shelters and such after the holidays. They would figure that out later.

In the meantime, presents were running low and James had one more for Nate.

"Now, this isn't a present that you can open, but I hope you'll be happy with it just the same," James said. "My doctors said that I'm doing very well. They think I should be released by the end of next month."

"Really?" Nate's eyes widened.

"Yes. So, Emily, if that offer you got on the house is still available, I'd like to take it."

"I'll call the realtor tomorrow to tell him."

"I'm going to start looking for a place nearby," he told Nate. "So that we can be close to each other, always."

"I can't wait," Nate cheered.

"We can celebrate that later," Emily said, "Right now, we need to get ready. Spencer is on his way and we're going to have breakfast with him before mass this morning."

"Nana too?"

"Nana is going to meet us at the church."

Nate was excited to play with his new toys but was equally excited to go to Elizabeth's. There was a layer of thick snow outside, and he knew she had the perfect yard to play in. He jumped to get going. He helped his dad do some of his exercises as they readied. Emily already had Nate's outfit laid out, telling him to leave off the dress shirt until after breakfast.

Spencer got there just as they finished. They ate and went to church. The service was lovely, and Emily loved seeing her mother introduce her grandson to all her friends that were there, but Emily was happy when it was over. It was starting to snow again, and Emily just wanted a nice day by the fireplace with her family.

That was, in essence, exactly what she got.

They opened more presents, feasted at dinner, played in the snow, and, generally, enjoyed themselves. They all seemed so carefree and content, and by the time the night was over, they were all happily exhausted. Nate was falling asleep on the way home, and Hotch, who was just coming in as they parked, helped carry him to the apartment, sleepy Jack trailing right behind.

Spencer said his goodbyes and thanked them before they got in the elevator. He was ready to get into the comfort of his warm bed just as they were.

"I had a great time. Thank you for letting me come."

"I already told you. You're family, and you're always welcome."

"Have a good night," he said, hugging Emily goodbye.

That night, Emily and James, once again, put Nate to bed together. He was getting too old for it, but they didn't care. Nate didn't seem to mind either.

When they woke up the next morning, Emily called the realtor. The house sale was getting started, and James would have a nice little savings to use for his new home and to help take care of Nate. It would be enough, after taxes, for them to live comfortably for some time, at least until James figured out his life again. Emily felt comfort knowing they would have some security.

She even agreed to start apartment hunting with Nate for him. She had the next few weeks off from work before her semester started, so she would at least find him some options. Emily was sure Penelope would want to help too.

Emily and James decided that he would stay the rest of the weekend, and Emily thought it would be a good opportunity for them to try "living on their own." By that, she just meant that she would leave them alone in the apartment and see if Hotch would let her crash for the night.

He had no problem with that, and when she proposed the idea to Nate, he seemed eager to try.

"Just me and Dad? No way. But what about you?"

"I'll be upstairs with Hotch and Jack. I'm going to spend the night, but I'll have my phone on, and you can always get a hold of me for anything."

He hugged her and whispered a thank you, and, though she was nervous, she knew it was the right call. The boys needed that experience, especially if James was going to be doing this on his own sooner rather than later. It wasn't easy for her.

When she left the next morning, she made sure to go over things with Nate several times. She made him repeat all the rules and promise to call if he so much as stubbed his toes.

"He'll be fine, Emily," James finally stepped in, sending Nate to his room to get a game for them. "He's my son. I know how to take care of him."

"I know you do."

That wasn't what she was worried about. If he were just under the weather or had a broken bone that slowed him down, she wouldn't have given it a second thought. But he had major brain damage. Things were better, yes. His speech was almost completely normal, only stuttering or unable to come up with words on occasion, but he still wasn't at full strength. Or maybe he was… She just worried that he didn't remember how much work an energetic nine-year-old was.

So much could go wrong.

"Are you listening?" James shook her from her anxiety.

"I am. I get it. You can handle it, but it has been a while since you've been alone with him for so long. Still, he doesn't need you to do amazing things to see you as the father he always loved, so don't do anything crazy. Stay in the apartment or go down to the courtyard if you want, but don't leave the area. Please," she pleaded. "He doesn't need theatrics. He just wants you."

"I know I'm not ready to go chasing him in a park, but I can handle time alone with him."

"I know that, or I wouldn't have suggested this. Just don't be afraid to call me or ask for help. Ok?"

"Alright. I won't. Bye now."

She huffed, went to go kiss Nate goodbye and grab her stuff before she was off.

She spent so much of the day worriedly pacing. While Nate and James were having a quiet day of board games and TV, she was pacing, wearing a hole in Hotch's floor.

"They're fine, Emily. Come join us for dinner."

"Do you think he's feeding him?"

Hotch laughed. "Yes, I think he is."

"Feeding him real food, not crap?"

"I'd hope so," he said.

"I should go check."

Hotch grasped her arm to stop her. "No, you should come sit down. I've cooked. Jack's waiting. They'll call if they need anything."

"They better call anyway. I told Nate to call before bed."

"There you go, then. You'll hear from them."

"I know. I just… Worry."

"You don't say," he joked. "Come on. And god help us when Nate has to go with James for a whole week. You're going to lose your mind."

"I just might," she mumbled, joining them for dinner.

It did little to calm her nerves, but she eventually relaxed. It helped when Nate called, as promised, and assured her they were having fun. They ate, they played, and now he was off to bed.

"I love you, Mom."

"Love you too, Nate. See you tomorrow."

He gave James the phone and ran off to his room. James, Emily could tell, was stressed.

"Long day?"

"I just don't have the stamina I once did."

"It'll come back."

"Yeah, when he is old enough to drive and won't need me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault. Was today ok?"

"We had fun. It was… different at first. But I think he had a good time."

"I'm sure he did. Look, it will be fine." She wanted to cheer him up. She could tell he was struggling a bit. "You're a good dad and all he wants is some attention and to know you're there. That's all."

"I know… Thanks."

"It doesn't happen often, but sometimes he has trouble sleeping. I've learned that if you turn the TV on in the living room, not too loud, and keep his door open all the way, he settles right back to sleep without really getting up."

He deeply sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just realizing how much better you know my son than I do," James defeatedly said.

"We just know different versions of him. That's all. I need to learn what you know and you need to learn what I know. It'll take time."

"I guess so. Well, I'm going to say goodnight to Nate. See you tomorrow, Emily."

"Bye."

Meeting up for lunch the next day, Emily was excited to share Nate again. She missed him even if she was only a floor away. She wasn't used to sharing him in a way she knew would soon be permanent. It sucked. She knew Nate wanted more time with his father, so, again, she gave them the night to themselves.

She went out to hang with Penelope and JJ during the day, and spent the night with Hotch, again. Now, when she came home, she could tell things went even better. Nate was going to be sad when they had to bring him home. Selfishly, she kind of couldn't wait.

Emily was happy for them, but she couldn't say she didn't also feel a little hurt that Nate seemed so happy without her. She tried not to stay with that line of thinking. Happy was good. She wasn't going to ruin it. She was just excited to have Nate to herself again for a while.

She hugged James when she drove him back to the rehab and watched as Nate held on for as long as he could. It was always sad to watch Nate walk away from James almost longingly, but she knew it wasn't forever and so did he. Only a few more weeks, she told him, then James would be around a whole lot more.

The rest of the week was spent playing in the snow and warming up by the fire at Elizabeth's. When New Year's rolled around, Emily and Nate were at a party at JJ's with the rest of their friends. They stayed up until the wee hours of the night waiting for the ball to drop, everyone cheering when the clock struck midnight.

Nate couldn't force himself to stay up much later. He tiredly clung to her, trying to get her to sit with him in Henry's room where he'd be staying the night. She didn't mind but wondered where it came from. They ended up cuddling on the bed, Nate laying on her, as if looking for motherly comfort.

It made Emily feel like she was back to that first Christmas with him, watching as he slept in her arms. Just like she did then, she sang to him, his tired hands clinging to her shirt.

"I love you, Nate," she whispered, kissing the top of his head. "Thanks for being such an awesome son."

Inhaling, with a deep smile, she said, "Happy New Year."

It was one of the best holiday seasons she had in a very, very long time… It was also a sign of change to come. She was ready for it, she hoped.


	43. The No Good Day

**Chapter 43: The No Good Day**

Christmas and New Year behind them, Emily wanted some alone time with Nate before he went back to school the upcoming Monday. So, the day after New Year, she and Nate drove the two hours to Shenandoah National Park to stay at a mountain resort. Their time was limited, but they made the most of it.

The first thing they did was rent a set of skis each and dress in their snow gear. They went to the bunny slope first, so that Emily could give Nate the basics before they hit the actual mountain.

Nate was tentative at first. It was new, and he was a little nervous about the potentially dangerous, situation, but Emily cheered him on. She gave him the fundamentals and showed him the ropes, even going down the slope a few times to demonstrate. Really, she just wanted to show him it didn't have to be a death trap. He was prepared, and that was all he needed to succeed.

"What do you think, Nate? Ready to give it a try?"

He didn't look sure, at all, but he didn't want to seem like a baby. Emily could tell he was struggling with that.

"You can say no. You don't have to do this if you don't want. We can go inside. I thought this was what you wanted, though. Was I wrong?"

He shook his head. "I want to learn. I want to do it."

"Ok, then when you're ready. I'll go down right beside you. Ok?"

"Alright," he agreed.

"On the count of three?"

He nodded.

"1… 2… 3… Go," Emily counted off before watching him take the plunge and heading down the slope right behind him.

She witnessed the look of triumph on his face, his smile growing as they met at the bottom.

"You did so good," Emily cheered.

"It was awesome," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let's do it again."

"Alright. You first."

Emily and Nate spent a little more time on the practice slopes before graduating to something bigger, eventually hitting the major slopes before it was time to go. They only managed a few runs, but it was worth it.

"You did so great today," Emily told Nate as they warmed up with some cocoa and a roaring fire in their room.

"I had a lot of fun. Can we do this again someday?"

"I hope so, Nate. Maybe we can go up to Vermont next."

"Cool."

They spent the rest of the weekend moving from skiing to snowboarding. Emily wanted him to choose which he liked best. Of course, it was snowboarding. He was no natural, but he picked up things quickly and didn't mind falling as he learned. That made him a good student in this case. Thankfully, no one sustained any major injuries. There were a few bumps and bruises, but that was to be expected. Most importantly, they had an amazing time, and Emily learned that her knee was back to her standards. It could take a beating and be fine. It made her feel better. Chasing bad guys may not have been in her future anymore, but that didn't mean she didn't want to be at the same abilities she was when that was a possibility.

Sadly, that short trip to the mountains ended much too quickly, and it was time for them to get back in the swing of things. The semester was starting up, and Nate was already back to school that week. Time was moving too fast for them.

Not long after they returned from the slopes, Emily was taking James to look at places to live. He was… difficult to say the least. He had unrealistic expectations that he was foisting onto an apartment. He wanted perfection in ways that just didn't exist.

"It's an apartment, not plastic surgery. It doesn't need to be completely perfect," Emily hissed, tired and worn from the long day apartment hunting. She was so over it.

"It needs to be right, Emily. This is going to be the first time ever that it will be me and Nate living alone."

"Part of the time," Emily wanted to say. She didn't.

"It needs to be homey and comfortable."

"Every single place that we saw except for that one that looked like it could be an old asylum, fits that bill. Try again. What's the problem?"

"I'm nervous."

"Why?"

"I've never done this without Vince. We spent years building a home together, and now I have to do it on my own."

"You're not on your own, James. It's going to be different, and it's going to get hard, but Nate will always be there and, despite what I've said, I am here too."

"Thanks…"

"But can we please stop apartment hunting? We've been to ten places today. I have work to get done and I want to be home before Nate and Jack."

"I've seen enough… I actually really liked the second place."

Emily rolled her eyes. _Of course, he did_…

"We can come back and look at it with Nate this weekend if you want."

"Sounds good," James agreed. "I think he'll like it."

"Me too. It's right between our place and his school, so it would work out well, I think."

"Yeah."

He still seemed complacent, but they didn't look at very many other places after that.

Emily dropped him back off at the rehab and checked in with the doctor before leaving. She was working with the staff to help find physical therapists and occupational therapists to help with James' continued care once he was in his own place.

Honestly, it felt like a whole lot more work for Emily, but she was willing to do it. For Nate, she would, and Nate was excited that his father would be closer and more in his life than he had been. That didn't mean Emily was looking forward to anything about it expect for Nate being happy.

Because of that, she took care of everything. She set up meetings with realtors and brokers, took him on apartment tours, negotiated deals when they came about… Everything.

It was exhausting at times. That didn't stop her.

"Nate," Emily said to him that Friday after a long day of grading the first assignments. "I know this is supposed to be the weekend we drive up to visit your dad…"

"We're not?" he assumed.

"Not exactly. Tomorrow morning, we're going to pick him up and then we're going to go apartment hunting."

He made a face.

"I know it's not exactly the fun day you wanted, but it does mean that your dad is one step closer to being around more."

That cheered him up.

"Your dad and I already saw a couple and narrowed it down, plus we have a few more we wanted to see. Your dad says you get the final say. We want you to be comfortable there, so if you don't like it, say that. Ok?"

"I can do that."

"Good."

"Can we at least get ice cream after?"

"It's January. Isn't it too cold for ice cream?"

"It's never too cold for ice cream."

"We'll see. How about that?"

"It'll do," he pouted.

"Go do your homework. I'm ordering pizza."

"Pizza?"

"And we can make cookies after dinner."

"Score," he said as he ran off.

Emily placed the order and the two had a nice evening. Simple, which was what she liked these days. After dinner, Emily checked over his homework and went through the school notices. It seemed like he always came home with half a tree's worth of paper.

"Looks like you have a show going on at school," Emily said to Nate.

"Yup. It's an assembly."

"What's it about?"

Nate explained what he knew, but it wasn't a whole lot. Still, Emily signed the slip that allowed him to attend and told him he could tell her all about it after.

"Can we make cookies now?"

"Sure. What kind do you want to make?"

"Peanut butter."

"Ok. Go grab the ingredients. I'm going to get the bowls."

Mother and son made a few dozen cookies, packaging some up for James to take back with him after their day together. After cleaning up their mess, they settled in for a movie, popcorn, and quality time. Emily gently coaxed him to bed once he started dozing off.

"Come on, kiddo. We're going to have a busy day tomorrow."

"But the movie isn't over."

"We'll pick up right where we left off."

"Ok," he reluctantly agreed.

Once he was in bed, Emily called it a night too. She hoped it wouldn't be but was planning on the next day being long and tedious. Apartment hunting once again was not high on her list of things she liked doing… Didn't even make the list.

She woke Nate up bright and early, so they could drive over to the rehab and all go out and get breakfast together. They ended up at a pancake house not too far from the rehab and spent about an hour there.

"We should get going," Emily said. "Our walk through is in about 45 minutes."

James nodded. "Ready, Nate?"

"Yup. Ready."

"Great. Get your coat on."

They were back on the road just a few moments later and made it there in plenty of time. The first place was not good for them. While it was nice, it was way too big and way too expensive. So, they moved on.

The third place they went to was the same apartment that Emily and James had already been through. It was two bedrooms, small, but big enough, and was on the ground floor, which was what James needed. It made things easier for him.

It wasn't fancy or over the top, but it was in a decent neighborhood that had a convenient location. All they needed was for Nate to like it too. So, they took him through the apartment and walked around the neighborhood a bit.

"Nate, did you like any of the places we saw today?" James asked.

Nate shrugged.

"No?"

"I don't know. They were ok."

"Just ok?" Emily asked him.

"Well, I really like our apartment," Nate admitted.

"That's good, but your dad needs one for the two of you. Did you think you could live in any of the places we saw today?"

Almost shyly, Nate shrugged and looked away.

Emily wanted to ask what was wrong, but feared the answer might upset James and ruin the day, so she said, "James, why don't Nate and I talk for a minute and then we can decide whether we want to keep looking?"

"No," James firmly stated.

"No?"

"No," he said again. "We are both his parents. What you have to say, you can say in front of me."

Holding her tongue, Emily simply nodded. "Nate, what's going on, kid?"

Looking away from his father, he quietly said, "I… I like living with you. I love my dad, and I'm happy we're going to see each other a lot more, but I like living with you."

"And I love living with you, Nate. That's not going to change. I'm just going to have to share you, now. We got a few months together, and they were some of my favorite months ever, but it would be selfish to keep you all to myself."

"But… But I lived with my dads for years without you, and I don't want to lose you now."

Emily smiled, and put a hand on his cheek, meeting his eyes. "You are never going to lose me. Ever." She pulled him in for a quick hug. "All we're looking at today is a place that's comfortable for you and your dad when you visit with him."

"Ok… Then, I guess I liked the last one. There's an arcade near it and my friend lives close, too."

"Ok. That's great, Nate."

Emily looked to James. He nodded. That was to be their apartment. While the two of them spent some time together, Emily dropping them off at a nearby play zone, Emily hung out in the car and called the leasing agent to secure the apartment.

By the end of the day, they were signing papers and knew the place would be ready by the time James was through with rehab. The doctor said the beginning of February. That didn't leave much time, but the place wasn't in bad shape and they could easily shop for it. A lot of his stuff was still in storage, and Emily was going to allow Nate to take a few things from his room if he wanted. So, it wouldn't take long to make it feel like a home, she hoped.

Emily finished up with her calls and had everything set, giving the guys a few hours alone before she joined them.

"Hey," Emily said as she sat at the table across from James. "Where's Nate?"

"Winning enough tickets to get you the pink giraffe."

"Pink?"

"No, I don't really know what color. He just said he wanted to win you something."

"Sweet boy," Emily said.

James nodded and replied, "Do everything you needed?"

"Yup. The apartment will be ready by the second week of February. They don't allow you to choose the paint, but said it was recently painted and they're upgrading the appliances this week."

While Nate was still off playing, his eyes catching Emily and waving before he went back to the game, Emily took the time to go over the details of the rental agreement and a quick overview of the money situation. There were some insurance things they also needed to go over, but that could wait until they were alone, and Emily could say all she needed to say without the potential little ears eavesdropping.

Emily wanted James to be as prepared as possible for the transition. Neither could afford full time help for him, and, since he was more than capable of living on his own, he would have to understand what it would be like. It wouldn't be like he was used to. He'd truly be on his own. They would see how it went, and how he dealt with running a household without Vince around.

Emily predicted he'd have some trouble, but, ultimately, would be ok. Time would tell, and with Nate around more often, she could be wrong.

They stayed there for another hour or so before bringing James back to the rehab. They would shop for the apartment during the next visit, and then, hopefully, James would be moving in.

As that date grew closer, Emily knew she had to sit down with Nate and discuss the changes that were coming. He was aware that there was a custody arrangement and that he would be living with her sometimes and his dad other times, but she wanted to really talk about the logistics.

Nate seemed to get it, and Emily made sure he knew that even when he was with James, she was only a phone call away. He was comforted by that. He just wished they could all be together at the same time, all the time, and still be happy, but that didn't work the first time. He would make do.

Things were looking up for their family in his eyes. He was still doing well in school. He enjoyed spending time with his new friends, and Jack and Hotch came over all the time or they went over to their apartment. They had a good thing going.

Emily felt like that too. She settled into the semester easily. She found she enjoyed it better than she had when she started because she was there from the beginning. She was able to profile her students and get to know them as the classes went by. It was exciting, and she felt lucky with the bunch of kids she got.

There were a couple of students that she felt were incredibly promising and even approached her with questions and asking her about potentially becoming their advisor. She was honored, to say the least. Things were busy there, but she loved the job more each day.

Despite all the good, there were some bumps along the way.

James was done with rehab by the first week of February, a few days before the apartment was ready, so he stayed with Nate and Emily. Emily was reluctant but okayed it. Elizabeth, to save Emily the money and hassle, hired movers to get the place set up, and they were going to do that the following day, but they still had to survive three days together without fighting.

Somehow, mostly by creating invisible boundaries, they managed with no major issues, and no bickering at all in front of Nate. Emily called that progress. She sometimes even ventured to say it was effective co-parenting. A stretch, but not totally inaccurate.

Emily still worried, though, that James would lose his temper with Nate. While he had a better handle on his outbursts, they weren't entirely in his control and never would be. It was a fear she shared with her gal pals.

"Are you worried he'd hit Nate?" JJ cautiously asked.

"I don't know… That's the point. I've seen how bad the outbursts can be, but they were rarely directed at Nate. I was always in between them. When I'm not there, if he loses it, there's only Nate around to take it."

Again, cautiously approaching the subject, JJ asked, "Has he… hit you before?"

"He better not have," Penelope added.

"You know everything that has happened," Emily said. "I just worry."

"Emily is a mama bear now," Pen said, practically awing. "She worries about her cub with ferocity."

JJ nodded. "You said he has been better with the outbursts, though. Right?"

"Yes, but that doesn't stop the worry."

"Of course not, but," JJ continued, "I think that Nate will be ok. James may lose his temper. Maybe he can't help that, but he has the tools to work through it and Nate knows he can talk to you if it gets too much."

"I know."

"It'll be fine."

"I know that too, I just… I'm going to miss him when he's not with me."

"Let me know when that happens. You can borrow my boys and give Will and I a night off."

"Or call me," Pen said, "And we can have a girls' night in."

"Thank you. I might take you both up on that."

"That's why we offered."

It felt good to just talk her fears out and spend some time with them. It seemed like it had been a while since the last time they just hung out. They saw each other for the holidays, sure, but that was everyone. This, however, was girl time.

"So, when is your first weekend without Nate?"

"Next week," Emily said.

It came much too soon, and it wasn't the best day for her either.

The apartment was ready, and they helped James settle in just a few days after he started staying with them. They spent the day with him and got things comfortable there. After, Emily and Nate had about a week to get used to being away from each other again.

It was a hard thought for them. They had grown to rely on the other's company and found comfort in that. Since being in Emily's care, going through all they had, and finding out that she was his mother, they hadn't really spent that much time apart. They liked it that way. They had grown close and were happy with their relationship.

The separation, however brief, put them both on edge as the day grew closer. That Friday was a day from hell. For mother and son, it seemed like a rotten day all around.

They woke up late, both yearning to stay in bed as long as possible, but even the urgency wasn't enough to make them want to get up and face the day. When Emily finally saw what time it was, she jumped up and yelled out to wake Nate, telling him to get up when she didn't see him anywhere.

There was barely time to get dressed and eat. Nate had missed the bus, so Emily had to drive him. Hotch called when he realized Nate wasn't at the bus stop, but Emily missed that call. She had to deal with the judging looks from the other parents that were "visiting" the office staff.

She hurried along, kissing Nate on the cheek, wishing him a good day, and slipping into traffic hoping to make it on time to her morning class. She didn't, of course, showing nearly twenty minutes late and learning that, that meant students could leave. At least that was the rule that seemed to common knowledge for the students.

Most of the students stayed, thankfully, and since this was one of the harder introductory classes to the field, she gave the ones that were still there extra credit.

"I'm so sorry I'm late guys."

They seemed more understanding than the rest of the world, which Emily was thankful for. It was short lived, however, when it came time for them to turn in their papers. She said one to two pages. Some of them decided that meant please write a book. Since she liked to do quick turnaround, that meant her weekend was now spoken for.

"At least I'll have something to focus on other than missing Nate," she said, trying to find the silver lining.

Her classes, seemed to drag for the rest of the day, and an influx of students decided it was a good time to come to office hours. Usually, after her second class, she had an hour reserved for students before she headed home. Most of the time, she was done early enough to have a late lunch in her own apartment.

Not that day. Her office hours went on until there was likely just enough time to get home before Nate. On the way to the car, she spilled the cold remnants of her coffee all over her blouse when a student ran into her.

"Great," she huffed, but thought nothing of it. There were spare clothes in the car if she couldn't wait to change. She just wanted to get home.

Unfortunately, that still wasn't happening.

As she neared the lot where she parked, she heard a loud smack of metal against metal. It was like she was watching her day in slow motion as the red coupe smashed into her rear bumper.

"You have to be fucking kidding me…" she cried, running closer to assess the damage as the other car just drove off. "What is wrong with people?!"

She cursed under her breath as she wrote down what she saw of the license plate as the car drove off. It wasn't much, but she had color, make, and a partial if she wanted to file a report.

"Who drives off like that?"

She would have let it go if they had stop, but now she was angry. They had prevented her from spending more time with her son before he was off to his father's.

"Asshole."

Emily sighed and pulled out her phone, pushing in the speed dial command.

"Hotch, are you home?"

"Emily? Yeah? I'm home. Is everything ok?"

"I'm running late, and I don't want Nate to be alone at the apartment. Can you tell him to come to your apartment to hang out until I get there? I'm going to send him a message on his phone, but I just…"

"Calm down, Em. Absolutely. He can come over."

"Thanks."

Worried and curious, he asked, "Are you ok?"

"Been a day."

"Want to talk about it?"

"When I get home, maybe. I have to go. I'll be home as soon as I can."

"Take the time you need."

Her car wasn't too damaged, but it was clearly hit. The bumper was scratched, dented, and slightly dislodged.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," she whined, looking up to the sky, groaning as if asking God why, and why today.

Of course, the cloudy skies had to let loose then, as the rain started falling.

The day was never going to end. It was conspiring against her to prevent her from seeing Nate at all before James commandeered him.

"Just freaking awesome," she whimpered, rushing into the car, slamming the door as she did.


	44. Weekend

**Chapter 44: Weekend**

It was Nate's first full weekend with his father, and he had mixed feelings about it. Sure, he loved his dad. He loved James so much. But, over the past few months, not only had he come to love Emily as a person and as his mother, but he had come to rely on her. He was confident in her ability to watch out for him and help him when he needed it.

That was why the day seemed to suck.

He woke up feeling like all he wanted to do was curl back into his blanket and snuggle with Emily as they drank hot chocolate and sat in front of the fire after a fun day skiing. It was nice then. But he didn't get that. Instead, he heard Emily frantically calling for him, obviously in the same mood, and telling him they had to hurry.

When they got to his school, he realized that he had Emily's lunch, which meant healthy green stuff that he definitely didn't want to eat. There were a series of minute, but annoying things throughout the day that just made it feel miserable. Mostly, he thought, it was because he was worried about the weekend. He didn't want his mom to be alone and he didn't want to have a disappointing weekend with his dad. He was worried about both.

It didn't help that Emily wasn't home when the bus dropped him and Jack off. His new phone, one of his Christmas presents, showed a message from her saying that she was running late. He didn't know if he should be worried about that too. Emily was always home early on Fridays. Always. Unless they had plans or she made arrangements ahead of time. But the message didn't answer the questions swirling in his mind. It just said that she wanted him to go to Jack's. Jack got the same message from his father.

"Maybe she's helping your dad with something," Jack offered.

"Maybe," Nate replied. He wasn't convinced.

The only thing he was convinced about was that something was up. Probably not a good something if history taught him anything.

"Do you know where mom is?" Nate asked Hotch as soon as he was in sight.

"She got stuck at the school," Hotch replied. "She said she'll get here as soon as she can. With the rain, traffic might be a little slow."

"Can I call her?" Nate asked.

"You don't have to ask to call her. You can if you'd like, but she might be driving, so I don't know if she is able to pick up."

Nate thought about it. "Is everything ok?"

"It is. She's perfectly fine. It has just been a long day for her."

Nate sighed, muttering, "Me too."

He had to wonder what was going on, but after everything they had been through, he also hoped that if something was wrong, they wouldn't hold back from telling him. They trusted him, with the major plot points, anyway.

"Will you tell me if she calls you again?"

"Of course."

"Do you think I'll get to spend time with her before I go to Dad's?"

"I think so."

"Good. Ok."

Jack and Nate played and did homework while they waited for Emily. She called about an hour after they came home and said she wasn't far but needed to make one more stop. Again, Hotch told her to do what she needed. He had the kids handled.

She came another hour after that, frustrated and exhausted.

"Hey, welcome," Hotch teased as she came in the front door without knocking.

It wasn't unusual for either of them to do that now.

"It has been the day from hell."

"Yeah? Take a seat. Tell me about it," Hotch offered, pointing to the dining table as he prepped dinner.

"Some idiot hit my car in the parking lot and took off. Never even stopped to see the damage."

"Are you ok?" Her wellbeing was concern number one. She didn't appear harmed, but appearances could be deceiving.

"I'm fine. I was just walking into the lot when it happened."

"Did you call the police?"

She sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. "I filed a report. I wouldn't have if they stopped, but they had no regard for other people."

"What did they say?"

"There was a camera. Things are being handled. Despite there being no injury, it was a hit and run."

"What's the damage on the car?"

"I didn't take it to the garage yet, but there were a few issues. Some scraps and dents. The bumper isn't happy."

"How bad were you hit?"

"Somebody hit you?" Nate asked from the doorway, startling the adults who hadn't heard him approach.

"Nate, hey kid," Emily smiled and greeted him. "What, no hug for your mother?"

"Not until you answer," he huffed, searching her for injury. "Someone hit you?"

"No. No one hit me."

"But Hotch said…"

"My car was…"

Eyes bulged, he asked, "You were in an accident?" His voice sounded strained and hurt, like he was desperate for Emily to refute.

All Nate heard when he walked in was that she was hit, and he interpreted that as danger, as his mother going through something else that could have taken her from him.

"No… Just my car."

"What?" he asked.

"Someone hit my car, but I wasn't in it," she explained, hoping to ease his anxiety.

Still, he was unsettled. His eyes were searching her up and down. She looked like she had been in battle, though, maybe not so much a physical one.

"I'm ok," she said.

"But someone hit your car!" Everything about him was on edge.

"Yeah, and the car is ok, too… Relatively."

"What?" He was just perplexed about the situation. "How bad is ok?"

"It's nothing for you to worry about, Nate. Everything is ok. I'm ok."

"But someone hit your car," he yelled again, louder and more persistently. "That's not ok."

"No, it's not," Emily said, trying to remain calm despite her own aggravation from the day and Nate's increasing emotions. "Oh, Nate. I'm really fine. I promise."

She approached him, bending down to stand on her knees at his height. Emily took his hand in hers and squeezed.

"I'm ok."

She'd repeat it a thousand times if she needed to.

"But you were in another accident."

"No… I know you think you heard that, but it wasn't an… My car was parked at school and someone was driving around and hit the bumper. That's all. I wasn't even close to it. There's not one scratch on me."

Trying not to sniffle, Nate asked, "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"I don't want you to get hurt anymore. You work at a school now. Bad things aren't supposed to happen there. Bad things aren't supposed to happen to you, ever!"

Clearly, Emily said to herself, this was about more than just a minor fender bender hit and run. She hugged Nate and promised him that she was fine. It wasn't a big deal. Though, that wasn't the right thing to say. He just withdrew into himself. He all but demanded he see the car, to which Emily agreed. She wasn't positive that was the right thing to do either, but if it would give him comfort, she'd try.

So, Emily took him down to the lot where her car was parked and showed him the damage.

"See, it's not that bad. The guy just hit the car when he was leaving. I wasn't by the car or hurt at all. There was no chance of me being hurt."

There was a battle of thoughts warring in his head, but he held it together.

"Did the guy get in trouble?"

"He will, yes. And, by the time you get back from your dad's, this will look like it never happened."

Examining it and hearing Emily seemed to have helped. He calmed a bit, but he didn't think it was that simple. He knew enough, and saw enough evil in the world to know that bad things could happen… And that terrified him.

He let it go, though. There was no use in crying over some dented metal when his mother was just fine. Logically, he knew that it wasn't a big deal. It only felt like one because of the ominous what if.

"I would tell you if something happened to me, Nate." She left out the "within reason" part of it. "But this wasn't a major deal. My car took a punch, but it is nothing that can't be fixed. You don't need to worry."

"Ok," he conceded.

"Now, Hotch invited us to stay for dinner. What do you say we go head up there, eat, and then spend the rest of the evening just the two of us?"

"Absolutely," he said, his demeanor completely changing. He wanted some mom time, especially now.

They rushed through dinner and Hotch understood why. As the passive observer, it was easy for him to see that both were struggling with the upcoming change in their arrangement, but he knew they would find their way. He also knew the two wanted what was best for each other and themselves. Emily wanted nothing more than for Nate to have the best relationship with his father again, just not at the cost of her having a relationship with him too. And Nate just wanted the same thing, but he wanted Emily to be taken care of when he wasn't around too.

That was the very reason that, as they were getting ready to head to their apartment, Hotch pulled Nate aside and promised to look after Emily while he was with James.

"You'll make sure she's not lonely and that she's ok?"

"Yes. I'll invite her over for dinner every night, too."

"And breakfast?"

"Sure."

Nate bobbed his head. "Ok. Thanks."

"Have fun with your father," Hotch said as he saw them off.

Emily made sure to sooth Nate as much as possible after the scare. They really didn't do anything exciting, but they spent time together and enjoyed it. It was what they both needed, just a little quality quiet time together. Talking and watching a movie, they fell asleep on the couch, even sleeping through Emily's phone ringing.

It was James… She was supposed to drop off Nate that night.

She woke up to a whole cache of messages from James, each more irate than the last. She cursed to herself.

"Nate. Wake up, kid." She shook him, gently peeling him off of her side.

"I don't wanna," he mumbled, squishing his face deeper into her body.

She tried again, but he just wrapped his arms around her, let out a little, adorable, grunt, and fell back asleep.

"Your dad is going to kill me," she whispered, deciding to just call and face the music. By the looks of it, he called all night. Her phone was on silent and didn't wake them.

Sighing, she pressed the call button and awaited whatever was going to greet her on the other end.

"What the fuck, Emily?!"

"I'm so sorry," she quietly and calmly responded, trying to keep her voice down and the talk as civil as possible.

"Sorry? That's it? Honestly, Emily… What's wrong with you?"

"Please don't yell. Nate is asleep next to me."

"I'll yell if I want to. Wake him up! He's supposed to be here. With me, Emily. Not with you."

"I know… I'm sorry. We fell asleep watching a movie. I didn't intentionally…"

"I don't care. This was my first weekend with him. That was the arrangement. He was supposed to be here last night at 8. It's now 12 hours later, and he's still not here."

"He will be soon," she said.

Nate was beginning to stir just as James' anger began to reach its peak. Obviously, he was unhappy with what happened. Emily wasn't proud of it either, but it wasn't intentional, and there was no going back in time.

"You have the nerve to put all these restrictions on _my_ time with _my _son, but you're truly the irresponsible one," he yelled. "I can't believe you. I want him here! Now."

His voice only got louder. Emily could hold the phone a foot from her ear and still clearly hear what was said. With Nate waking up, she didn't want him to hear and worry. They had a peaceful night that, unfortunately, led to Emily's absentmindedness, but she didn't want Nate to have to deal with the consequences. It was on her.

"James… I… He's waking up now. I'll get him fed and dressed and bring him right over."

"You better," he said. "No more than an hour. I'm not happy about this."

"I know."

He hung up on her, and she was relived. She sighed and saw Nate staring.

"Is everything ok?"

"Good morning," she responded, kissing the top of his head. "Everything is fine, but we're very, very late for bringing you to your dad's, so, up and at 'em, Kid."

"Do I have to?" he pouted, now sitting up and the blankets thrown on the floor.

Emily looked at him with kind, confused eyes. "Do you not want to spend time with your dad?"

"I do," he quickly answered. "I just don't want to not spend time with you."

"I'm not going anywhere, Nate, and you won't miss anything exciting. I'll probably be in this very spot most of the weekend just grading papers."

"That's boring… and lonely."

"I disagree. Even so, it needs to get done, and you deserve some time with your dad without worrying about me. Think you can handle that?"

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"I'll take it. Go get dressed and ready. We'll eat on the way. Don't forget your bag. Ok?"

"Ok," he conceded.

They did make it to James' in less than an hour, but that didn't make James any less angry.

"Hi Dad," Nate greeted his father, hugging him.

"Nate," he hugged him back. "Good to see you. I've got a fun weekend planned. Why don't you put your stuff away in your room?"

"Ok."

Before leaving, he ran up to Emily and hugged her. "Bye Mom. Love you."

"Love you too, Nate. Have fun, and I'll see you very soon."

He squeezed her once more before going to his room and leaving the adults alone. The moment he was gone, the temperature of the room dropped, and James gave Emily an evil glare.

"Is this how it's always going to be?"

"I didn't do this on purpose James."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes, actually. I do. I have never given you any reason to believe otherwise. I want this arrangement to work. Not for me. Not for you. For Nate. He deserves both of us consistently in his life. I'm the one who proposed this."

"And now you're trying to sabotage it."

"Why would I do that?" Now her voice started to raise, but she didn't want Nate to hear.

"You want him to love you more."

"What?" she was dumbfounded. "Even if that was what I wanted, and it's not, I don't think that's possible, James. Nate loves you, and I wouldn't do anything to change that. Look, I don't want to have this conversation right now. I'm going to say something I regret. I am, sincerely, sorry that we fell asleep watching a movie and missed the drop off time. If you want, to make up for it, you can take him next Friday for the night and I'll pick him up Saturday morning, but we can discuss that later."

"That's not enough."

"Well, then you figure out what is, and we'll talk. Right now, I'm leaving because you will not yell at me while Nate is in hearing distance."

James was clearly aggravated, and he had a right to be upset, but there was a right and wrong way to deal with it. Yelling at her in front of their son was not the right way.

She walked away before he could argue more, heading into Nate's room. He tried to follow, but she shut the door behind them before he could come in.

"Nate," she said, her demeaner shifting. "I'm going to head home now, I just wanted to see you once more before I did."

He looked at her sadly. "Are you and Dad fighting again?"

He sounded deflated, and it made her want to just scoop him up and run.

"We're fine. Your dad was just sad that he missed time with you, but you're here now, and everything will be ok. Have a ton of fun. Alright?"

"Ok."

"And call me tonight or at any point, for any reason. Really. I don't care what time it is, if you want to call me, do it."

"I will."

"Ok then. I'm leaving. Have fun and behave."

"Love you."

Emily kissed his cheek and walked quickly out of the apartment, just telling James to take care of him as she left. On her way home, she dropped her car off at the garage to be fixed and got a loaner for the weekend.

When she got to her apartment, Hotch and Jack were just retreating from her door.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here?"

"Emily," Jack smiled. "See I told you she'd be here any second."

"You were right," Hotch replied to his son before looking to Emily. "We actually came to see you. Thought you could use some company without Nate around, and maybe some snacks."

He held up a bag.

"Mmmm. Smells good. What'd you bring?"

"Fresh muffins and scones, plus that weird fruit stuff you like," Jack answered. "And chocolate."

"Well, I do like chocolate," she confirmed. "Alright. Come on in."

She led them in.

"You know where the plates are. Get started. I'll be right there."

Emily excused herself. She barely had time to get dressed that morning. Thankfully, she had a jacket on, but she was fairly certain that her top was on backwards. She had to take care of that before socializing.

"You look like you had another rough day," Hotch said when she came into the kitchen, Jack not in sight.

"Nate was supposed to go to James' last night… We didn't quite make it in time."

"What do you mean?"

"Nate and I fell asleep watching a movie. I was supposed to drop him off around 8, but we slept right through the night. I didn't even hear my phone ring. I just dropped him off."

"And James wasn't happy."

"No. And I get that, but I don't appreciate being yelled at and accused of things I'd never do, especially not in front of Nate."

"What did he accuse you of?"

"Oh, you know, probably the norm for every uncivil divorced couple with a custody arrangement: sabotage, buying love… That kind of thing."

"Sounds fun."

"So much," she said back.

"Do I need to have another talk with him?"

Her eyes widened.

"Absolutely not. No, seriously. He had a right to be upset. I know that. I'd just prefer that he not say anything in front of Nate. I don't want Nate to be upset with him, and I know if he heard, he would be. I realize that James, despite the therapy and tremendous effort, can't always control his emotions. He yells a lot, usually directed at me, but he's working on it."

"Are you worried about leaving Nate there?"

"Of course. Yeah, but this is what we agreed, and I'm confident that Nate will call me if James can't calm down and that things won't escalate past yelling."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes." She hoped. "In the beginning, no, but now, I am."

"Ok. Well, if you need to talk, you always know where I am."

"I know. Thanks."

Jack came back into the room and that conversation was put on hold until there was something more to talk about. Having him around wasn't a replacement for having Nate, but it made the day go by a little easier. She didn't do any of her grading, but that was ok. Having Jack and Hotch by her side was a good excuse. They kept her from constantly checking in with Nate and avoiding confrontation with James.

And they had fun.

Jack broke out the chess board for more lessons from Emily. He watched her school his father in a match or two before trying his own hand.

"Can you teach me poker next?" Jack asked with excited eyes after beating his father once again. "Spencer says you're a shark."

Emily and Hotch both laughed.

"Anytime, Bud."

"Right now?" Jack eagerly asked.

"Not right now," Hotch intervened. "It's just about dinner time. I was going to take Jack to the burger joint down the street. Do you want to join us?"

"I'd love to, but I have plans. Penelope has decided that I'm a wreck and can't be left by myself tonight, so she's dragging me out to dinner and drinks."

"That should be fun."

She rose an eyebrow. "You go out with her enough, and you know what to expect. It's always fun, but sometimes borders on too much."

"Penelope's crazy," Jack added. "But that's why we all love her."

"How true, Jack," Emily agreed.

Hotch nodded and then told Jack to clean up the game pieces. He didn't argue, but it was clear he was reluctant to leave Emily, too. Nate had told him that he was worried about his mom being lonely. Jack wasn't sure she would be but promised to look after her too.

The two had a moment alone. Hotch took Emily in his arms and held her tight for just a few moments before letting go.

"What was that for?"

"You just looked like you needed it. Consider it part of Nate's orders."

"Thank you."

"Dad," Jack called out.

"Coming," Hotch responded. "Have fun tonight," Hotch said as he escorted Jack out.

Emily called Nate to check in before heading out and everything seemed ok, though, things weren't going completely smoothly at the Hadley household.

Once Emily left, James was still fuming. He didn't understand why Emily didn't care, nor could he understand that she did, she just wasn't going to stand there and take his attitude either. Naturally, even employing the tools he learned in therapy, it took him a little while to calm down.

When Nate came out of his room shortly after Emily left, James politely asked him to hang out in his room a little longer.

"Are you ok?" the concerned boy asked.

"I'm fine. I just… I'm…"

"I get it," Nate said before James could come up with a plausible excuse. "Mom said that sometimes you need space, especially when you're angry, and that I should give it to you."

"Well, your mother just knows everything, doesn't she?" he angrily remarked.

Nate could hear his mother's voice saying to let it go. Pick and choose battles.

"I'll be in my room," Nate said, retreating.

The weekend wasn't off to a good start. And while he was alone in his room, playing a video game that his father set up, he couldn't help but think about his mother and wonder what she was up to without him. With the way things were with his father, he wished she didn't leave. He loved his father, but Nate hated when James got into a mood. It took forever for it to stop, and he could hear James ranting about Emily. That wasn't cool.

"Damn it, Emily," Nate heard James say. "You had to spoil this for us. I had a great weekend planned and now it's ruined."

"It didn't have to be," Nate thought. If his dad would just stop being so frustrated all the time, they could all be happy. As soon as something went wrong, that was it. Fun over.

It made him miss his mom more.

Nothing was as it used to be, and he realized that the more he yearned for Emily. It wasn't even that he wanted away from his dad, but that Emily was attentive and always happy to be around him, no matter what her mood. His father was… different still. He wasn't the same man and he never would be. That was still something Nate didn't want to accept. He hoped that, with time, his dad would be who he once was.

As he listened through his door to his father ranting, Nate really thought about calling Emily. After the everything, he wanted to be close to her. That was why, when they fell asleep on the couch, he took her phone off vibrate and silenced it completely. He just… He just really needed to be by her side that night. Now, his dad was mad at her and it was all his fault.

"Nate, come out here, please."

"Finally," Nate huffed. It felt like he was holed up in his room for hours. His stomach was already rumbling with hunger.

James told Nate that he had a special day planned, what was left of it anyway. They would forgo the morning activities and head straight for the rest. Despite what Emily said, James wanted the weekend to be big and memorable. Unfortunately, a lot about his son had changed after months away from each other.

That was why when James gave him a gift he picked up the other day, an action figure from a show Nate no longer watched, and Nate wasn't excited about it, things kind of stalled.

"Don't you like it?"

"Sure," Nate lied. "It's great. Thanks."

"Want me to open it for you?"

"No. That's ok. I'll play with it later."

James was disappointed with Nate's reaction. He wanted a smiling, happy face, and he was getting nothing. He tried not to hold onto it, just moving on to the next thing, but that disappointment stayed with him, especially when Nate didn't seem to want to do much of anything.

They were supposed to go to the jump gym, which would have been amazing, what with jumping on one giant trampoline and messing around… But Nate knew his father couldn't participate. It would be him all by himself with his father watching. What was the fun in that?

"Can't we just stay home?"

Emily told Nate that he still shouldn't push his father too hard, physically speaking, but to make sure he was active. It was a reminder to still be weary of his father's past injuries and continued recovery. Now, Nate saw his father constantly trying to one up Emily and to do these big things, and Nate didn't want that. He just wanted to be around his father. He wanted them to have more of their own time together, which was finally happening… If only James would stop with the grand plans and learn how to adjust to the mood.

"You don't want to go?"

Nate shrugged. Yes, it would be fun, but it would be lonely without anyone to play with.

"We can do stuff here… together," Nate said, hoping his dad would get the hint that he really didn't want to do anything special, just to be there and acclimate to the new situation.

"But… I thought we could go have some fun."

"We will have fun, Dad."

"Did Emily put you up to this?" All he kept hearing was Emily saying that Nate didn't want or need any extravagant weekend, and now that that was what he was saying, James felt like it was staged.

"Mom didn't do anything."

"She told you that we shouldn't go out, didn't she?"

"No. She just told me to have fun. That's all."

Grumpily, James agreed to stay in. Nate taught him how to play the new videogame they had which, James learned, was fun and good for his motor coordination.

The problem was that, despite having fun doing the simple things together, James wanted their limited time to have more excitement. He wanted Nate to be excited to come to their place. He wanted to win… He wanted to win at something that wasn't a contest. He wanted Nate to want to be with him more than Emily.

That wasn't happening though. All that was happening was James finding out just how much he didn't know about the new, older, wiser Nate. No matter how much time he spent with his son over the last few months, he still expected the child he left behind. The little man in front of him may have looked like his Nate, but this one was so different. That was hard for him to accept, so much so that he had been in denial, unable to allow more change.

He wanted his son to go back to being just his and Vince's. Mostly, he missed Vince. He didn't know how to do this without his partner. Not only that, but he had money worries and a lot on his mind. Emily, even though he didn't want to admit it, had been great. She was taking care of Nate financially and had done more for James than he deserved. Eventually, he had to figure things out for himself. That time was rapidly approaching, and he had no idea what to do.

James was feeling lost and incompetent, and that wasn't a good feeling. Neither of them was. The longer the day went on, the deeper those feelings went. At least, he managed to convince Nate to let him take him out bowling and for dinner. If nothing else, they would have good food and potential for some fun.

Bowling was… It went ok. Nate had never been, and he wasn't a natural, so he wasn't very good. It turned out that James, who was once a great player, wasn't very good anymore either. For him that was frustrating. It was, once again, another reminder of what has changed.

He pushed himself too hard the day before in PT, and now he was paying for it. He could barely roll the ball by the last set. Nate won by a small margin, neither breaking 100. Sad scores for two guys who weren't quite happy.

Nate wanted so badly to have fun, but it was hard. His head just wasn't in it, and his dad was getting more and more upset. That was never good.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," Nate answered.

"Let's go get dinner."

They never strayed too far from the apartment, nothing outside of walking distance. Thankfully, it wasn't too cold out and the walk was nice. Honestly, for Nate, that was one of the best moments between the two of them. Even though he was starting to feel too old for it, he took his father's hand so that he could know right away if James was struggling. They just chatted as they walked.

It was just what Nate wanted. So, when they got to dinner, Nate expected more of that. It started out that way, great and relaxing, but then James' phone dinged a few times, as it had all day, and James muttered something about Emily.

Emily was checking in… Again. Which also bothered him. She didn't trust him.

"Why are you always so mean to Mom?" Nate asked as he worked on the last of his dinner.

James had said something under his breath, again, about Emily. It was at the point where he didn't even recognize he was doing it. He wasn't even doing it intentionally. It just came out. He knew Emily was great to both of them, but he still couldn't help but be jealous of her. She was unscathed and got a son out of everything. James felt like he lost his whole life.

"But there's still Nate," he said to himself. And that was why he found himself constantly berating Emily. He couldn't lose Nate too. Not to her.

"I'm not," James responded to Nate.

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not Nate," he said with a tone of finality in his voice.

"Fine," the boy relented. "I'm done. Can we go?"

"Fine," James agreed.

They walked silently, but Nate did take his hand again. James was happy about that.

Once they returned to the apartment, Nate called Emily, to James' chagrin, to say good night. Then the two quietly sat on the couch, doing their own things as they approached bedtime. Nate was reading. James was working on some paperwork for his meeting the next week. It seemed like, now that he was no longer hiding away with Vince and had rejoined society, his life was all about paperwork.

That, he never missed.

Part of being around Nate so freely and just the two of them, made James see how he and Vince hurt their son. They forced him into a life of solitude that kept him from really experiencing things. He noticed that since he woke up from his coma, but it was becoming glaringly more obvious how they had stunted his abilities.

Now he was free and happy… Mostly with Emily.

"I'm going to get ready for bed," Nate announced.

James looked at the clock. It was still early, but late enough that going to bed didn't mean Nate wasn't having a good time.

"I read my whole book. It made me sleepy," the boy clarified, sensing his father's wariness.

"Ok. I have a new toothbrush for you in the bathroom."

"I know. You told me when I got here."

"Oh… Right. Well, I'll come say goodnight and tuck you in after."

Nate shrugged. "Alright."

When Nate was all dressed and ready for bed, James came into the room, ready to do their old nighttime routine even though he knew that nighttime rituals had changed.

"You don't need to read to me," Nate said, breaking his father's heart.

"No?"

"No. That's ok. I read my whole book. But maybe tomorrow if it will make you happy."

"Only if it will make you happy too."

He shrugged.

"Emily doesn't read to you?"

"Sometimes. Usually we watch a show together then she gives me a kiss goodnight on the cheek. She only reads to me when I'm not feeling well. Then it helps me sleep. That and when she sings."

"She sings to you?"

"Not all the time," Nate answered.

"Then what can I do?" James asked.

"You can read to me if you want. I have another book."

Nate didn't mind either way, and if it made his dad happy, it would make him happy too, so he pulled the book out of his backpack and gave it to James.

"From the beginning?"

"Yup."

They didn't even make it through the first few pages before Nate was asleep. James sighed and continued reading anyway. For his own sake. After a few more pages, with Nate sound asleep, James closed the book, dropping it onto the nightstand.

He couldn't help himself after that. He had to go through the old routine. He had to pull the blanket up high, move Patch so that he was right next to Nate's arms, and put a kiss on each side of his face. It was a personal comfort, even if Nate wasn't awake for it.

"I love you, Nate. So much. Please don't grow up too much without me anymore."

He left the room still feeling down. He was on his own for the whole week and he felt the loneliness of being single after such a long-term, committed relationship. He didn't like it. And now, with his son there, he was still feeling that loneliness. He thought having Nate for longer periods of time would abate that feeling. It only made him feel the loss more.

It was surprising, which made things worse.

He wasn't the only one in for a surprise that night either.

Earlier, when Emily went to meet Penelope, she got to the restaurant right on time, no PG there. After waiting fifteen minutes, she called the tech analyst.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"Oh… Dinner… Right… About that…."

"What did you do, Penelope?"

"I… You'll see. Is there someone around wearing a glittery rose looking pocket square."

Emily could see where this was heading and not thrilled about it, but she did play along.

"You didn't," Emily whimpered. "Why Pen?"

"You need to put yourself out there. Just because you're a mama bear now doesn't mean you can't wet your whistle a little."

Emily cringed. Penelope Garcia… Wordsmith…

"Pen…"

"No. You're sharing Nate now, and you haven't had a good relationship in a while. You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy."

"Well, JJ and I disagree. You wouldn't let her set you up, so I took initiative. I'm not taking no for an answer, and you're both already there. It can't hurt."

Emily's shoulders sagged. She didn't want to argue.

"Oh good, you're not fighting me. His name is Scott. I vetted him. He's good. Have a nice time."

Penelope hung up before Emily could protest. Emily took a moment to decide her next move. She wasn't exactly in the mood for this, but she was already there, and her plans were to have dinner… She was hungry. What the hell, she thought.

Gathering the courage, Emily walked up to Scott and said, "Nice flower. Very Penelope."

"What?" he asked confused. "Penelope?"

Emily would learn that Pen didn't actually know him. No, her blonde friends put her on a dating site, and after a few weeks talking with Scott, decided he might be a good fit for her.

"So, it wasn't actually you I talked to?"

"No. I'm sorry… My friends are… They're nuts. Like certifiable."

Scott, with his dark hair and equally dark eyes, was attractive. Emily would give that to her friends. They could pick good looking men, but he was a total stranger to her.

"I'm not really sure what to do here. Do you want to have dinner with me, or should we call it a wash?"

"We're both here, so, unless you're not into it, we might as well try. Never know, right?"

He smiled, and Emily wasn't repulsed, so that was a good sign. But her heart wasn't into it. That wasn't to say they didn't have a good time. Scott was easy to talk to and, as an ex-cop, they even had a lot in common. Talking was easy. So easy, in fact, that they spent a few hours together, lost in conversation, only breaking when Emily answered Nate's call. They laughed, they shared a drink or two, and they ate.

"I forgot what going on a date was like," Emily said.

"Your friend said it has been a while."

Emily wasn't even surprised with that. "Well, she's not a liar, but she is into oversharing, apparently."

"She also said that you have a son."

"I do. Nate. He's nine."

"I have a son just a year older. His name's Wyatt."

"Wait… Your last name is Simmons, so Wyatt Simmons? There's a kid with that name in Nate's class."

Turned out Wyatt was one in the same. His birthday was early in the year, so he turned 10 only a week ago and was one of the older kids in the class, but he and Nate were, indeed, friends.

"That's such a coincidence," Scott said.

"It is. I'm surprised we haven't run into each other at school events."

"My ex-wife's husband and I do not get along. I go to all the school events. So does she. And when I'm around, he always comes, so I see my son and keep to myself… Away from her."

"Rough divorce?"

"It wasn't easy, but I'm sure there have been worse."

Scott shared more on that, and just as they were reaching the height of the story, Emily's phone interrupted.

"Sorry," she said. "It's Nate, and it's late."

"Answer," he responded, nodding in understanding.

Emily did, and was worried once she heard what was on the other end.

"James? Is that you?"

There was mumbling and crying.

"Nate…"

"What about Nate?" No answer. "James, what about Nate?"

"He won't stop. He won't stop. He just wants Mom. All he wants is you!" James yelled.

"What's going on?"

"He woke up screaming. I tried to calm him, but he just kept crying and screaming for you."

Nate woke up in a cold sweat in desperate need to see his mom and know it was just a dream. But she wasn't around, and he panicked. James tried to help, and, ordinarily, his comfort would have. This time, though, the only thing that would help would be Emily's presence. That was why, when James went to hug and soothe Nate, the boy pushed him away.

"I need Mommy," he cried. "I need to see her. Now. Now. Now."

It angered James, and James yelled, making the crying worse and Nate inconsolable.

Now James was desperate. He had held off on calling Emily, but now Nate was crying so hard and for so long, he was making himself sick.

"Please… I need you."

"I'm on my way."

Emily quickly hung up and explained briefly. Scott told her to go but be careful not to break too many driving laws.

"Take care of him," Scott said.

Emily only heeded some of the advice. She sped to James' place as fast as humanly possible without losing control on the roads. She was as careful as that allowed but made it there in record time. She barely took the time to put the car in part before rushing into the apartment.

She could hear Nate crying the moment she entered. James was pacing in the living room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I don't know. I didn't know what to do. He has never done this. He wouldn't stop. He won't," James rambled.

Emily brushed passed him, pushing aside the things she wanted to yell at James, particularly a pointed comment about him just ignoring his son who needed him.

"Nate?"

He didn't answer. Emily found him sitting next to his bed, hugging Patch and a frame with pictures of her and Vince in it.

"Oh Nate."

Poor kid was gagging in his blubbering cry.

"It's ok."

She approached him, offering platitudes.

"Ya… Ya… You're here," he stuttered in between sobs.

"I'm here. What's wrong, baby? What happened?"

Emily pressed his head into her chest and hugged him. He pulled away to answer.

"I dreamed that you were… That you… That you died. That… the accident was like… like last time… and you got hurt… and never woke up."

He let out a heart-breaking cry.

"You were in an accident?"

"Shut up James," Emily hissed, ignoring whatever else he said and only focusing on Nate.

"Everything is ok, Nate. I'm fine. See? Not one scratch on me. The only thing hurting me now is how sad you are. Can you look at me?"

Eyes red, warm, tear stained face… Her kid was a mess, but he listened and met her gaze.

"You could have died and then it would just be me and dad," he stammered. "I don't want to not have you around. You're my mom and I love you just like I love my dads. I can't lose you. Never. I can't," he cried, working himself back up.

Emily threw her arms around him and squeezed. "You're not going to lose me. I'm right here, and I'm fine."

She shushed him like he was a newborn cradled in her arms. That helped a little, but not enough.

Emily knew what to do though. She pulled him off the ground and onto her lap. Gently rocking them, she sang. She sang and sang until that last note lulled him, his breathing evening out, the cries stopping, and his tight grasp on her shirt going a little more lax.

"I will always be right here. I will always be your mom," she whispered.


	45. Rough Patch

**Chapter 45: Rough Patch**

After Nate's nightmare meltdown, Emily didn't feel comfortable leaving. When Nate fell asleep, deeply asleep, Emily moved him back into bed and decided that she would be staying the night as close to him as she could get. She tried to change Nate out of his clammy shirt, but that was all she could change without him waking. It would do. At least she knew he was fully asleep now, hopefully sleeping more peacefully this time.

Emily walked out of Nate's room, slipping her heels off and closing his door behind her. Leaning against the wall, she took a deep breath… He had been in her life for less than a year, and she was already damaging him… What did that say about her parenting?

"You were in an accident?" James asked, disturbing her mental reverie.

Emily glared.

"Not now, James."

"No, now. You were in an accident?"

"If you bothered to ever listen when Nate or I talked to you, then you would remember that, yes, the two of us were chased by some of Vince's extended family and they hit us with their car. More recently, someone hit my car and it freaked Nate out."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"Jesus James. Why is everything about you?" Her fingers dug into her temples. She was exhausted and now frustrated too. "This is about Nate. It happened yesterday. No one was hurt, but when Nate heard my car was hit, he worried about me. I talked with him. I assured him I was fine."

"Clearly, you didn't do a good job."

"You didn't do any better," she bit back. "I'm so tired of your attitude. Things have been better. You can't even blame it on the injury. It's like…" She looked to him with sadness and anger. "It's like you're channeling Vince. He couldn't stand that Nate liked me, and now you can't either. Why? What's so bad about it?"

James shied away and said, "Vince should be here. He should be comforting Nate."

"You can't use that excuse forever. You will always want Vince here. Nate will always want Vince here. But you have to accept that he's not. It's sad, but it's reality, and I know you see that. I know you've confronted his death. So that excuse doesn't fly anymore. Missing him and wanting him to be a part of the moment doesn't give you an excuse to treat me like garbage."

"I tried to comfort him, you know?" James said, ignoring what she just said. "He pushed me away."

"I'm sorry," Emily responded with genuine sentiment. She knew that had to have been hard for him.

"All he wants now is mom, mom, mom… Mom this. Mom that… It's all about you. All he wants is you. How am I supposed to be ok with that? Because I'm not… Not even a little."

"He loves me, James. I love him. I'm not sorry about that. You opened that door, now you need to make peace with that again."

"And if I can't?"

"That's not an option," she said, trying to remain calm, taking a deep breath. "We've been through this. We've talked this to death. I'm in his life now, and I'm staying. You need to figure yourself out and be there for him. When I got here, he was making himself sick. How long was he like that because you couldn't help him and were too prideful to call me sooner?" she pointedly asked.

He felt ashamed. Nate was like that for at least a half hour, probably longer, crying, and yelling parts of his nightmare, things about Emily, pushing his father away. Nothing James did helped, and he didn't want to call Emily. At the moment, all he felt was that he was failing his son. It didn't matter that Emily could help. It only mattered that he couldn't. It got to him. He couldn't deny that.

"You can't even answer, can you?"

Emily shook her head.

"I don't know why you're so set on having to be better than me. He loves you. Let that be enough. Let go of whatever anger you have at me and just be his father," she pled. "I'm too tired to keep doing this with you. It's up then it's down and I always take the brunt of it. I have given you everything you have ever asked of me from high school until you up and left, cutting me out of Nate's life, and then dropped everything in my life to do it again when you needed me."

"Do you regret it?" he asked, almost hopeful, as if her saying yes would give him cause to keep at this game he was playing.

"No… I don't regret this. I don't regret anything regarding Nate except the way we went about things and the time I lost with him." Emily gave him a sad smile. "And one day soon, you'll have that same regret if you don't let go of the resentment and whatever… Just let it go, James. Please. Not for me. For him and for yourself. He's not going to be a kid forever. He's hardly a kid now. He's a little man, and he needs his dad."

"I'm his dad and I am here," James insisted.

"You're here… but you're not. You're not focused on him, and you're the one losing out. Take it from someone who knows. There will come a point where that loss will hit you harder than anything else, and you won't know if there is anything you can do about it. Don't get to that point, James. Don't do this anymore," she continued to plead.

"What do you know about what I'm feeling? He loves you. He lost his father, he lost me, and now, all he wants is his mom. A mom he was never supposed to have. All he wants is you!"

"Now," Emily added. "All he wants right now is me, and that's because I've been here with him during a few hard times, but it hasn't always been like that, and you know that. There were nine years where I had to feel that absence in my life and worry and wonder… And I regret that. I regret not trying harder to find you guys and be a part of his life, however much or however little that may have been."

"I regret coming to you for help. I regret the tailspin my life has been in since I made that call," James said, his voice monotone, but deafening to her.

Emily snapped her eyes shut, took a deep breath, and walked back towards Nate's room. It wasn't worth getting into things when James was emotional. When he was like that, he said whatever he knew would hurt the most, and she wasn't going to deal with that anymore.

"Where are you going?" James yelled, getting her attention.

She stopped in front of Nate's door.

"I'm going to spend the night with my son, so that if he wakes up, I can be there to comfort him."

"We're not done."

"We are absolutely not done," she agreed. "But I'm done for now. I will no longer be your punching bag, James. We've been over that, too. Goodnight," she hissed, leaving no room for him to talk.

Emily bit her lip as she closed the door behind her. The whole day had so many ups and downs. Now, she just felt overwhelmed. She could feel the tired ache creep into her bones as she snuck into bed with Nate. No way was she leaving his side. It felt like it was as much for her as it was for him.

She didn't bother to get under the covers or even try to find the most comfortable spot. Instead, she just laid next to him, her arm wrapping around him. She wished they were back home together, that the whole weekend could be redone.

Emily just wanted to hold Nate tightly and forget everything else. That was exactly what she tried to do. Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as that. Without realizing it, she cried. Tears silently flowed as she held her son, and it must have been enough to wake him.

"Mom?" Nate asked. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Nate. Go back to sleep, baby."

"But you're crying…"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are," he said, reaching for her face in the dark, wiping tears from her cheek. "Did Dad yell at you again?" Nate asked, his voice already filled with disappointment.

"Everything is fine. You don't need to worry."

Nate sighed. "You could be dying and still say you're fine."

"I'm certainly not dying."

"Did Dad say something mean? Should I go yell at him?"

"Oh Nate… I appreciate the offer, but no. No yelling needed."

"I don't want you to be sad."

"I'm not sad with you by my side."

"I wish we were home."

"What did I tell you about home? Home is wherever you're with people you love."

"I know," Nate said. "But I like our home. Dad… he tries too hard and I know he loves me… I love him too, but he got upset when I wanted to call you and he didn't listen when I said I didn't want to do something."

Emily wanted to tell him that was a temporary thing, but she couldn't make that promise.

"Your dad is a little… rigid. It takes him longer to deal with emotional things, good and bad. He can't really help it. I know sometimes it's hard for you to see because it wasn't always like that, but I think it's important that you spend this time with him."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I think you do, Nate, but if you truly, truly don't want to, then I ask that you give it a try a couple of times and then we can take it from there."

"Alright," he yawned.

"Now go back to sleep."

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

"I'm not leaving this spot," she promised.

That was all the comfort he needed. He leaned in, put his head on her chest, over by her shoulder, and snuggled into her, his own arm mimicking what she did earlier and wrapping around her. And, as promised, she was there in the morning, just as she said.

Surprisingly, he woke up before Emily and decided to let her sleep. Nate gently pulled himself away from his mother and made his way through the apartment. It seemed James was still asleep too, so he thought he'd make everyone breakfast. Despite his somewhat more mature attitude, he was still a child and had the belief that something as simple as a family breakfast could make them a more functional family unit. Breakfast would make them better.

Of course, it didn't work like that.

James heard Nate in the kitchen, and when he walked in, he was not happy.

"What are you doing?" James asked.

"Making you and Mom breakfast."

"_Emily_ will not be staying for breakfast. This is our weekend together, and she has taken enough of that time away."

Nate huffed, but just continued to work, not listening to his father.

"Nate, we don't need all this food. In fact, why don't we go wake Emily up and send her home, so we can go out for breakfast?"

"I'm cooking," Nate firmly stated. "I don't want to go out."

"Come on. It can be just us boys… Like old times."

"It's not like old times," Nate said, sounding suspiciously like Emily to James' ears. "Dad's dead, I have a mom, and you're not the same."

James was stunned silent momentarily, trying to get his wits about him. He didn't like the sentence his son just uttered. Not one bit. It bothered him even more that he said it so nonchalantly. It was true, but unsettling to hear it come from his son.

"Do you not care?" James asked. "Your father is dead. Do you not miss him?"

"I mis Dad all the time," Nate admitted, sounding staggeringly like an adult. "But Mom has taught me that I can't let that change who I am. I can be sad, but I can't let it hold me back. I have to be happy and live on because it's what he would want. He would want me happy. He would want me to do things without worrying about him missing out. _Mom_ taught me that."

Emily walked in after witnessing that last bit. She could see James' hands ball into tight fists, his anger growing. Using her in his argument did more harm than good for Nate. She could see James' jaw clench and it made her uneasy.

"What's going on?" she asked, though she knew the answer.

"I'm making breakfast," Nate said, sadness clear in his eyes.

Emily looked to him sympathetically before moving her gaze to James. Biting her lip first, she asked, "Is everything ok, James?"

"Nothing is ok," he whimpered.

"Nate, while I appreciate you cooking, why don't you go wash up and give us a moment together? I'll finish."

"You will not," James yelled.

"I don't want to go," Nate said. He didn't want to leave them alone. They'd fight… again.

"He's not going," James insisted too.

Tension swam in the air. It was a standoff, sans guns, and no one was winning, but everyone had the opportunity to lose.

"James," Emily finally said, her eyes falling to his balled fists, now so white they looked dead.

His eyes followed her gaze and he saw what she was seeing. He sighed, releasing his grip.

"I'm sorry," he told them. "I'm just… I'm upset that you were so upset last night Nate."

"I didn't mean to be," he responded. "I had a bad dream."

"I know," James replied. "It's not your fault. No one is upset with you, just the situation. I'm sorry. Finish making breakfast and just be careful. Emily can stay, but after breakfast, she needs to go."

He said the last part a little more forcefully than necessary. When he walked away, Emily followed, giving Nate a comforting shoulder squeeze as she did.

"Last night was rough," Emily said when she and James were away from Nate.

He glared. "Way to state the obvious."

"Can you drop the attitude for just one damn second? I don't know how to do this anymore, James. I'm tired of always trying to keep the peace and to stay calm when all you do is yell at me." She shook her head. She could feel last night's emotions bubbling back up. "We're doing this together. Raising _our_ boy together. You can't treat me like I'm irrelevant and you can't keep getting angry when there's nothing to be angry about."

"I can do whatever I want."

"No. You can't. Nate loves you and I know you love Nate, but I have some say now. If your temper gets worse and I feel like you're a threat to Nate, I'm not afraid to fight for full custody."

"Don't threaten me!"

She sighed again, her voice coming out as a pleading, exasperated, whine. "I'm not trying to. But what's happening now isn't healthy. We can't keep doing this. Things get better and then they get worse again."

"I don't want you here, Emily. I want time alone with my son and you're keeping that from happening."

"I'm not trying to."

"Then why were you late?! I missed a whole night with him."

"It was an accident," she said. "Honestly. We fell asleep watching a movie on the couch. There's nothing sinister there. I'm not keeping you from him. I want you to have your time with him."

"I don't believe you," he admitted. "And, frankly, I could probably use this as a reason to get custody on my own. Keep Nate away from you."

"You can't do that," Nate yelled, stopping the adults from getting any further.

Both parents looked to him. He looked frantic, upset, and getting worked up, which only drove the situation to a different extreme. Nate yelled at James, telling him that he couldn't keep him from Emily and that Emily wasn't keeping them from each other. Nate admitted that he was the one that turned his mother's phone to silent, and that created a whole new uproar.

All the work Emily put in trying to calm James was now negated. She swore, again, that he was seconds away from literally trying to smack some sense into Nate, though, she still had doubts about that actually happening.

"I think it's time Nate and I leave," Emily interjected. "Get everything you need for today, Nate. We're leaving."

"No," both James and Nate said in unison.

"What do you mean no?"

"This is my weekend and I'm not going to let you ruin it any more than you already have," James declared.

"You're getting upset," Emily started, remaining calm, once again pointing out his clenched fist. "You don't want it to get to the point of no return."

"I can control myself," he yelled.

"I think it would be best if I took Nate with me. I can bring him over during the week and you can spend the afternoons together after school."

"No. He's staying," James said, stepping closer to Emily with great bravado.

"Mom," Nate said, trying to get their attention. He didn't like the escalation that was happening, and he felt responsible for it. His mom was there for him because he had a nightmare and his dad was mad that she was there and that they were late, and that was his fault too. "I can't go with you."

James relaxed a little, feeling like Nate was on his side.

"What?"

"I… I want to," he told her quietly. "I can't, though."

"What do you mean you can't?" Emily asked him, her voice curious and gentle.

"You said that I need to give it a chance, that I should try being here. You were right. I have to try, so I need to stay."

Emily leaned down to be at height with Nate, watching James as she did. He seemed to be less tense and angry, slowly calming.

"Are you sure about this? This wasn't what I meant. You don't have to stay today."

"Yes I do, and I'm sure. I'll be ok. You should go home, though."

Emily sighed and put her hand on Nate's face. "Promise to call me if you feel even a little uncomfortable. I'll come back and pick you up. I don't care about anything else, just you. Don't worry about your dad or me, or us fighting. Call. Ok?"

"Ok. I promise."

"That's enough," James said. "Time to go, Emily."

She kissed Nate and whispered to him to check in. When she stood and walked past James, she paused. Her body leaned forward, mouth next to his ear.

"Yelling is not ok, but I know you're trying to get that under control… Still, if I ever find out you get so worked up that you touch him, I will take Nate and run, and you will never see either of us again."

"You wouldn't do that," he whispered back to her threat.

"You don't want to test me."

Nate watched the exchange but couldn't make out what was being said. His father looked upset, his mother angry and determined. Then she left the room, grabbing her keys and such before heading for the door, stopping only to tell Nate she loved him and that she'd be nearby for the rest of the day.

She wasn't exaggerating.

Worried about James' temper and Nate's potential for another nightmare or emotional meltdown, Emily just went to her car and sat in it. James and Nate both caught her through the window a time or two. Emily stayed there and was determined to remain until she knew nothing nefarious was happening with her son.

A knock sounded on her window, startling her. She dropped her phone and looked to the passenger side window.

"Hotch?" she asked. She moved out of her relaxed position and rolled the window down. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

She nodded, unlocking the door so he could slide into the seat beside her.

"This is a funny spot to run into someone," Emily stated. "How'd you know where I was?"

"I tracked your phone."

"You did what?"

"Yeah, I pulled up your GPS coordinates."

It was clear that she didn't know what to make of that, nor was she happy.

"Relax. I'm just messing with you."

"Nate called?" she guessed.

"Actually, James."

"Really?" She found that hard to believe.

"Well, he and Nate called. They figured you could use a friend and that you should get out of here."

"I can't."

"Use a friend?"

"No, leave. I need to be here… Just in case."

"James told me what happened. He said Nate was worried you were upset and didn't want you to sit outside all day either. If James is calling me, then something is definitely going on. Tell me your side of things."

She did.

"If you truly think his temper is bad enough that he'd hit Nate, you can take action."

"That's the thing… I don't know that he would. He has been better. It has been under control, but when Nate talks about me or I'm around, it can be explosive. I just… I don't want it to escalate, but I can't remove myself from the equation either."

"No, you can't. Have you tried talking to him?"

Emily laughed. "When? This weekend has been borderline disastrous and just being in the same room as him put James on edge."

"Look, I talked briefly with Nate, and they're doing ok. Nate's trying to help James with a light physical therapy session and then they're going to watch movies all day. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"I can't bring myself to leave."

"What if I stay with you? The two of us can go to the playhouse not far from here. They have a midday showing today."

"What's the play?"

"I have no clue. Does it matter?"

"Not really."

"You'll come?"

"What about Jack?"

"He's at a birthday party and will be for the next few hours. I'm all yours."

On cue, her stomach rumbled.

"And I'm taking you to lunch. Come on. I'll drive, and we'll get your car later."

He saw her hesitate.

"It will be ok," he told her. "You need to eat. Nate needs time with his dad."

"Fine."

Emily reluctantly followed him into his car. They made a quick stop for food before heading to the playhouse. Afterward they walked around as Hotch tried to talk to her more about what brought her to James' apartment in the first place. He only got a small and one-sided version of events.

"Thanks for the distractions," Emily said.

"No problem. Now, want to tell me why you were stalking James and Nate?"

"I wasn't."

"Kind of looked like you were."

"No…"

Emily explained about Nate's nightmare and about the fight that she and James ended up having, then the later fight that just picked up where that one left off.

"Eventful night."

"Yeah. You could say that. I was… I guess I was on a date when James called me about Nate."

"A date?" he asked, surprised.

He had known Emily a long time and, except for a few scattered relationships, he hadn't heard much about dates, and certainly not anytime recently. He wiggled in his seat uncomfortably.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Garcia set me up… Without my knowledge. Apparently, I'm on a dating site."

"So how did you end up on the date?"

Emily shared the details. "It wasn't all that bad. Turns out that he is the father of one of the boy's in Nate's class. We talked. It was…"

"Nice to talk to another adult?"

"Yes," Emily laughed. "It was nice to talk to someone who didn't know every complicated part of me."

"Do you think we judge you?" Hotch asked, concerned.

"No… It's not that. It's just, I don't know. My life is completely different than where it was a year ago, and that life was so different than where it was a few years before that. I like where I am now. I'm more settled with Nate than I have been my entire life. I've made a life for the two of us… and James. I just… Sometimes it's lonely."

"Sometimes you want something more than a friend or family."

"Exactly. See, you get it."

"I do. I've felt that way too. It's just hard to find someone to accept the things about my life that aren't as easy to accept."

"Like the job?"

"That's one thing, definitely. The inconsistent hours and the need to cancel plans last minute… often. That's a relationship breaker. That's what happened with Haley. No amount of love was able to salvage the strain my job put on our marriage."

"I can't begin to imagine what things were like for Haley, but I don't know that I believe that. I know you both loved each other. I saw it when we all went out together. But… I also believe that love is accepting all the bad and the good. It's about making compromises and learning how to work out the things that don't seem to be working. At the end, neither of you could make the concession needed to make it work. I mean, you can tell me I'm wrong, and I won't speak ill of the dead, but it seemed like she was done trying. There was no more fight left."

"I put her through a lot."

"The job did."

"The same job that got her killed."

Emily sighed. Her intention wasn't to bring that up. "It wasn't your fault. Foyet killed Haley."

"As a means to get to me."

"Because he thrived on torturing people. He liked that power over you. But it could have been any one of us."

"No one else put their child and his mother at risk."

"You did everything you could to protect them."

"I'll always wonder what I could have done differently."

Emily sighed again. The atmosphere became a little heavier. "I'm sorry I brought this up."

"No… It's good to talk about. It's been a while."

"As an outsider, watching the end of your relationship, it felt like Haley couldn't understand what the job meant to you and the sacrifices you were making to make the world better for Jack and all the other little boys and girls in the world."

He didn't think she was wrong. He came to that same conclusion after the divorce. At the time, it angered him. Things could have been different, he convinced himself. But, in the end, maybe it was best for his family. It allowed him to do his job without guilt all the time. Less guilt anyway. And it gave Haley the freedom to find what she wanted and needed, find what he couldn't give her. Things with Jack were complicated, but he was sure that, given some time, it would have worked itself out.

"I wish she understood that," Emily said. "Because I think you guys could have made it work."

"I had my faults too, Emily."

"Of course. I just see your side more. It was so hard for anyone I was with to understand the job and why I continued to do it after everything."

"No one ever did."

"Just the seven of us. No one seems to get it outside of our group. You know, until she learned about Nate, my mother asked me the same series of questions every time I saw her." Mimicking her mother's voice, Emily said, "Are you dating? How are you ever going to find someone to settle down with if you're always away on cases? How can you have kids if you don't have time for a man? I'd like grandchildren at some point. I suppose that's too much to ask for. Do you really need to be at such a dangerous job?"

"If only she knew then the job you took before that. She doesn't know about the CIA, does she?"

"We've had a conversation. She knows what she needs to know. Nothing more, nothing less. I think I've put her through enough."

"Do you miss it?"

"Miss the job?" Emily asked. "Every day. I miss helping the victims, getting them justice… The chase. Being part of a team."

"Then why did you turn down my offer?"

"You know why," she said. "As much as I love that work, I have years that I already missed with Nate, and I don't want to miss anymore. Plus, Nate has been through too much. He lost one parent, has one that is only just getting better, and I couldn't throw myself into the front line when I'm his only stability."

"You're doing the one thing I've never been able to do. Say no to the job."

"After Haley, more than ever, you needed to be at the job. Our situations were different, and our choices were right for us."

"I think so," he said. "So, you're dating again?" He brought the conversation back.

"I don't know. It was a set up. And it was nice, but it felt more like we were friends talking than anything else. Minimal flirting."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"Who are you, Penelope?" she joked. "I don't know. One thing at a time. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"When are you going to find someone?"

"At this rate," he said, "Never."

"Hotch."

"It's like you said. No one understands the job, and those who try end up hating it."

"It doesn't have to be that way."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

They managed to get off the dating topic, though it did spur something in both of them. They each had that void. They didn't need someone to complete them, but they did want to feel that love and companionship that came with a stable, committed relationship. They just weren't having any luck, nor were they really putting in much of an attempt as of late.

"What are you going to do about James?"

"I think part of the problem is that he's truly on his own for the first time. Nate's not with him all day, Vince is gone, and he has a lot of free time on his hands. So, I'm going to address that and try to work things out with him. We need to be better."

"And you can't be so strong all the time," Hotch said. "I know some of what he says gets to you."

She shrugged.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"I know. Thanks."

She didn't really want to talk about it then because they were having such a nice time, but she would eventually. He would comfort her and make her feel better, just like he always did.

"I have another hour before I pick up Jack. Want to come over and help me cook?"

"Only if I get to stay."

"That was a given."

"Then I'm in."

They got her car and headed back to the apartment. Cooking with Hotch and then having dinner with Jack felt good and normal. The only think wrong with it was that Nate was missing from the group. Still, they had a nice time and talked a lot. Jack, who was about to be thirteen in just a week, pulled Emily aside to talk to her in confidence.

"Emily, do all girls like flowers?"

She looked at him oddly. "I can't speak for all girls, but giving a girl flowers is often a nice gesture."

She was curious where that came from.

"How can I buy flowers?"

"Can I ask what you need them for?"

"For my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend?" she asked, her eyes wide and her voice a pitch higher than normal. "You have a girlfriend?

"Yup. Her name is Chelsea. She's in my class. We've been friends for a while, but decided we wanted to be more."

Emily couldn't believe what she was hearing. No way was this a child saying this. When the heck did Jack grow up so much.

"So now we're an item."

"What exactly does being an item mean to you, Jack?"

"We hold hands and eat lunch together and we talk on the phone a lot. We have playdates and hang out on the playground. Sometimes, I bring her chocolates."

_Young, puppy love…_

"Do you two do anything else?"

"Well, we kiss sometimes."

Her eyes grew wide again as she peppered him with more questions. Turned out their first kiss was at the party. Their first kiss on the lips anyway. It was all pretty innocent. Hand holding, pecks on the cheek, food sharing. It was adorable actually. Still, Emily felt obligated to talk about it with Hotch. He needed to know so he could talk with Jack about relationships and whatever that might entail.

"I'm too young for my son to have a girlfriend," Hotch said when she told him after they returned from getting her car, hand rubbing his face.

Emily just gave him a sympathetic look and a pat on the back to let him know it would be ok.

"It's getting late. I think I'm going to head home and call Nate. I had a lot of fun today. Thank you."

"Thank you for keeping me company," Hotch said. "And for being someone my son can talk to about girls. Hopefully that will help him have better luck with relationships."

"I think you did ok. I'll see you tomorrow."

Of course, she couldn't leave without first saying goodbye to Jack and promising him that she would help him pick out some flowers for his girlfriend, with his father's permission. He said he'd get it, and then she left the Hotchners to talk

Showering and getting ready for some quiet time, she finished the day by checking in on Nate.

"Things are good," Nate said. "I've been teaching Dad a new game I got and we watched movies. He hasn't been mad since you left."

"That's good. Sounds like you're having fun."

"I am. I miss you though."

"I miss you, too, but I'm going to see you tomorrow. There's no school, so I'll pick you up around lunch time and we can go to the store to pick out Jack's birthday present."

"Cool. I know exactly what I want to get him. He's going to love it."

"I'm sure he will. Well, it's almost bedtime Nate. I love you."

"Love you too."

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye Mom."

Things were going to work out, Emily thought as she hung up the phone. She had a few ideas that she needed to look into that she thought could help move that along. James had too much time on his hands… She could definitely do something about that.

The next morning before leaving to get Nate, Emily made a few calls, set up a few appointments, and prepared herself for seeing James. She wanted them to continue moving forward, and that meant putting an end to all the steps back. They had to keep working together rather than having those setbacks every time something set him off.

She had a plan. Their dysfunction would, hopefully, be a little more functional.


	46. Plotting

**Chapter 46: Plotting**

"Hey Nate," Emily greeted when he answered the door to her. He had been waiting patiently with his father, but he was anxious to see her.

"Mom," Nate said, hugging her.

"Are you all set?"

"Almost. Be right back," he replied before running off to his room to grab his bags.

Emily called out to make sure he put on a jacket. It was cold out.

"Emily," James finally said something.

"Hello, James."

"Before you say anything… I'm sorry."

"For?" Emily was going to make him work for it.

"For everything. I overreacted. I was upset, and I took it out on you. None of it was your fault. I know that, but I took it out on you anyway. For that, I'm sorry. And you were right…"

"Oh… Yeah?" That, she certainly wanted to hear.

"We shouldn't argue in front of Nate, yet I can't seem to help it."

"We'll work on it," she said. "I know it's not completely your fault, but we need to take steps to address it. Thank you for saying that."

"I'm ready," Nate yelled as he bundled into the room, Patch and his bags in his hands.

Nate stood next to his mother. "Can we go? I can't wait to go get Jack's gift. Are we still going to see them later?"

"We are. How about we ask your dad if he'd like to come with us today?"

"Really?" Nate asked.

"You don't have to do that, Emily," James cut in. He appreciated it, but he knew she really didn't want him with them. He was also afraid Nate might not want him to go with them.

James' biggest fear was losing his son. A part of him felt that was why he raged so hard at Emily. She was too good to him and just took it, making her an easy target. He loved that his son had someone like that in his life, but his emotions were constantly electrified. He often didn't know how to work through them. While he was working on it in his therapies, it just didn't feel like he was making the progress he hoped.

"It will be fun. Hopefully," Emily said. "We're just running to the store to pick out Jack's present. Why don't you come, and I'll drop you off at your therapy appointment later? If we have time, we can stop for something to eat."

"Are you sure?" James asked.

"Yes. Whatever is wrong in our relationship," she said, "We need to be there for Nate. That includes outings and being around each other. So, let's do that. Nate knows what he wants to get. We'll shop for a bit, maybe eat, I'll drop you off, and then your service can take you home."

"Ok. Give me a second," James replied before going to grab a coat.

"Thank you," Nate said once his father was gone, offering his mother a hug.

"For what?"

"For being the best mom," he told her. "Thank you."

She returned the hug, rubbing his back. "You're very welcome." Standing tall, Emily took his bags in her hand and said, "Wait for your dad. Tell him I'm waiting in the car. Ok?"

"Ok." He peeked out the window. "You got your car back!"

"I did."

"It looks brand new."

"I told you it wasn't too bad."

He nodded. Emily kissed his cheek and went to the car, waiting for them to meet up with her. It didn't take very long to see James and Nate pop out of the door and head her way.

All buckled in, they were off. They drove up to the mall in DC so that they could walk around for a while as they shopped. Their conversation was lacking a bit, but it wasn't forced, and it wasn't yelling, so it was better. Nate was happy enough to keep the conversation flowing and the mood up.

"This is the store I need," Nate proclaimed.

"Ok. What exactly were you thinking of getting Jack?" Emily was really regretting not asking that before as they entered a tech store.

"You'll see," he told her, running along, not waiting for James and Emily to follow beside him.

"Isn't it awesome?" Nate asked his parents as he stood in front of a drone wall. Dozens of brands and models stood before them.

Most of them, Emily realized, were way too pricey for a child's birthday, even if that child was Jack.

"This is the one I want to get Jack," Nate grabbed one of the boxes and turned to face his mother.

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. He picked a toy model, much more affordable and much more sensible for a first-time flyer.

Nate went on and on about the features and how cool it would be if both he and Jack had one. "Then we can fly it together and play. Oh, we can race. Wouldn't that be fun? You and Hotch could try too," he reasoned.

"Are you asking if we can buy one for Jack, _and_ for you?"

He puffed out his bottom lip and shrugged. "Maybe?"

"Which one would you get for Jack?"

"This one," he said, pointing to a blue and green model. "I think he'd like the colors."

"And which one would you want?"

"The red one."

She rolled her eyes as he practically hugged the box.

"Okay," she acquiesced. "We'll get them both."

"Yay."

"But… You can't open yours until Jack does and no flying it in the house. It's only to be used outside and with adult supervision. I don't want you and Jack chasing after it as it flies into the road."

"Promise." His eyes grew wide with excitement, giddy with the thought of playing with the new toy.

"Let's hurry and get to the register before my wallet is completely emptied."

"I wouldn't do that," Nate declared as his eyes wandered to the game station.

"Uh huh…" She laughed, pushing Nate forward. "Keep moving."

Nate toddled in front of them wavering between the aisles with a box in his hand, his box, while Emily carried Jack's. He went back and forth, zig zagging to look at all the different things. Emily and James watched.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked James, noticing his dour face.

"Nothing's wrong," he responded. "I'm just. I like seeing him so free and happy."

"Me too."

Emily smiled and offered him her arm to take before she urged him along so they could catch up with Nate. Emily wanted this to be a better day that also worked to show Nate that they could be around each other without fighting. There were moments she felt like the old James was there. He would crack jokes and talk to her like she was human again. She was just keeping her fingers crossed. Thankfully, that concluded the shopping portion of the day, and there was plenty of time for food before James needed to be at his appointments.

"How was Nate after I left?" Emily asked James after Nate was sent to go wash his hands before the food came.

"He was fine. Slept through the night this time."

"That's good… I was worried."

"Because you thought I'd hit him?" James asked.

"No, James."

"I worried about that sometimes," he admitted. "So you can admit that you were too."

"For as long as I've known you, you have never been a violent person."

"But sometimes I feel like I still have no control over it, and I feel myself growing angrier and angrier."

"You're learning to control it again, and I have faith that, if you feel it growing too big and you are losing control, you'd remove yourself from the situation. I'm not going to lie and say the thought never crossed my mind, but I don't think you'd hit him. That wasn't what I was worried about."

"Then what were you worried about?"

"He has been through a lot… Just in the time that I've been in his life. I can't even speak for what it was like before."

"It was pretty mundane, actually. We moved a lot, and he was isolated from most people, but we were always together. The three of us."

"Now it's totally different… I'm worried that things have changed, and he hasn't really dealt with some of the trauma."

Worried he was missing things he shouldn't, James asked, "You think there's something wrong with him?"

"No. No, but sometimes he gets clingy and very worried about me. Like with my car… It wasn't that bad and I wasn't even in the car, but he wouldn't leave my side all day and when he was with you, he had a nightmare. I've seen him do things like that with you too."

"Isn't that normal with kids sometimes?"

"I guess… I don't know. It's not like I raised a brood. I just think, maybe we should consider letting him see a therapist of his own."

"Does he need that?"

"It can't hurt, James… Actually," she paused, looking toward the bathroom to make sure Nate wasn't on his way back yet. She was about to say something that she wasn't sure would be received well. "I was thinking that, as his parents, we need to coexist peacefully… So, maybe we should do family counseling."

"Me and you with a shrink?"

"We have issues to work out too. You can't always be so upset when I'm around, and I can't hold all my feelings in all the time either. This would allow us to get to a good place and then we can have a few sessions with Nate, too, so he can see that we can be a weird kind of family."

James thought on it. His first instinct was to say no. He shared enough of his life with Emily and part of him was holding onto some misplaced anger toward her, but he could also admit that he wasn't being fair to her. He owed it to her and their son to try.

"Ok," he quietly said. "We can try it…"

"Really?" she was surprised.

"I just want what's best for him," he said, before adding, "It's about time I learn to accept that you are the only other parent he will ever have. It's me and you raising him…"

Emily smiled and put her hand on his. "We're going to figure out how to make it work."

He nodded and they chatted a bit more. He mentioned looking for a job soon once his therapies started to let up some. She encouraged him to do it thinking it would be good for him to get out more and do things. Money wouldn't hurt either.

When Nate returned, he was the one to bring up family therapy with Nate. Nate was confused at first, wondering why they thought he needed to talk to a stranger when he could talk to them or his friends, but Emily and James explained that, sometimes, it helped to talk to people who weren't involved in some way or had feelings involved. There were things that were more easily worked through with strangers.

"So, I can talk to them about whatever?"

"Yes."

"Can I still talk to you?" Nate asked, bashfully, looking at his parents.

"Absolutely. I love talking to you, Nate. So does your father. We hope you can tell us anything, but this is so you can talk about things that you may not want to discuss with us or things that might scare you, or things about us that you think might hurt our feelings. Anything you want."

"And we're going to talk to someone, too… All three of us… As a… As a family," James added. "We all want to be happy and we want to make sure we are all the best we can be for you."

"Really?" That seemed to make Nate happy.

"Yes. Your dad and I agree that we need to stop fighting. It's not fair to you, and it's not fun for us."

"It's not fun for anyone," Nate added. "When are we going to start?"

"Not today," Emily said. "Today, we're going to bring your dad to his appointments. I'll make some phone calls and find a place that has what we need, and we'll take it from there. Hopefully soon, though."

"Ok. I think it's good," Nate told them.

"We think so too," James agreed.

It was the first time Emily felt that they all seemed relaxed and hopeful. She thought that before, but she wasn't really aware of the feeling until that moment. _Another step…_

"We should get going," James told Emily. "My appointment is in an hour."

"Where'd the time go?" They had been there for hours. "You're right. Nate, coat."

"Yes, ma'am," Nate teasingly saluted.

This car ride felt markedly different for all of them. There was genuine laughter in the car. No one was pretending that the past few days hadn't happened or that they were ok, but they were content to think that things could be better. They were making a binding agreement to try by voicing it to Nate and agreeing to try family counseling.

And they would try.

Emily found a reputable family therapist at the same practice that had a top of the notch child psychologist. She included James in the decision to use Dr. Garland for Nate, and just that olive branch made him feel included and more like they were co-parents rather than that he was just another of Emily's responsibilities.

It was good. They had appointments set for the next week. One for the family, one for Nate, and all of James' normal appointments… They were once again busy with a bunch of doctors and work and school and activities, but it didn't feel quite so overwhelming this time.

By the end of the week, they still hadn't had another fight, though they hardly saw each other either. But Emily was true to her word. On Friday, when Nate came home from school, she spent a little time with him, gave him his afternoon snack, and then dropped him off with James.

"I'm going to be here around nine tomorrow," Emily told James.

"That's early."

"It's Jack's birthday. His party starts at 11, and I'm going to help set up."

"It's at the apartment?"

"No. It's at Hotch's sister-in-law's, well, Jack's aunt's place."

"Hotch is married?" James asked.

"No, James. He was married. Then divorced. Then Haley passed. I've told you all about Hotch before."

"You left all that out."

"Probably because you didn't want to hear it," she said. "Anyway, I'll be here at 9. Please have him ready."

"Yeah. No problem," James agreed.

"Great. Bye Nate," she called. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

She waved goodbye to James and headed home. Knowing she would be home alone that evening. Emily offered some help to Hotch and Jack. So, after stopping home for just a moment, she went to help them stuff gift bags.

It took some time, but they got it done.

"Who knew making goodie bags could be so exhausting?"

"Wait and see how bad party planning can get. It can be one giant headache if you let it," Hotch said.

"Ugh. I can't wait to spend a birthday with Nate, but I'd really like to avoid the party hassle."

"Make James throw it."

"To be honest… I'm not sure Nate has ever had a birthday party. Nothing like I remember kids' parties being like anyway. He seemed pretty new to most social interactions. I don't know. We've got some time to figure that out."

"You do." Hotch smiled at her, letting her know it was ok to feel as overwhelmed as she was feeling at the thought of a birthday, but that she didn't need to feel that way. "Still going to come help out tomorrow?"

"Yes. Absolutely. On my way to Jessica's, I'll get Nate and stop at the bakery to pick up the cake."

"You're a lifesaver. Thank you."

"I don't mind. It's on the way."

"Well, we appreciate it."

"I know," she said.

"Jack's going to put on a movie. Want to stay and join us? There will be popcorn and wine if you want it."

"Oh, popcorn and wine with my favorite birthday boy and his father? How can I say no?"

"You can't," Jack said, sneaking into the room. "I picked the movie. It's ready to be started once the popcorn's done. I already put it in the microwave."

On cue, the ding of the microwave sounded.

"You guys settle in," Hotch told them. "I'll get the popcorn and our drinks. Emily, white?"

"Whatever you're having, I'll take."

"You got it."

By the time Hotch met them in the living room with the bowl and glasses, Emily and Jack had broken out a puzzle and were working on that as the opening credits rolled.

"You guys didn't wait," Hotch playfully whined.

"You were too slow for us, Dad," Jack said.

"Then I guess all this popcorn is for me."

"Dad," Jack chastised. "You have to share or you're just being selfish."

Hotch and Emily laughed.

"Is that right? So, if I shared all this buttery goodness with just Emily, am I still being selfish?"

"A little less."

"And if I share with both of you?"

"Then you're generous and I won't have to fight you for it." Jack made fake karate moves.

"Alright. Alright. I'll share." Hotch pretended to cower.

Emily just enjoyed the show as father and son went back and forth. This was a side to Hotch that she had seen before, but not all that often. He was always great and more relaxed around Jack, but seeing him as carefree and playful as she did then was always a treat. It was also a reminder that Jack, though just a few short hours away from being an official teenager, was still very much a kid.

"Ok. Knock it off you two," Emily said. "Movie time."

She emphasized her point by grabbing a handful of popcorn, popping a kernel into her mouth, and tossing one at them.

"Here," Hotch said with a laugh as he handed Emily her drink.

"Thanks."

The movie started getting into the action as they worked to put the puzzle together. Soon, the world map was starting to take shape. Not long after that, they were engrossed in the movie, all merging onto the couch.

"Wow, I should get back to my place and let you boys get to bed," Emily said as the movie wrapped up. "Jack has a big day tomorrow."

"I'm not tired," Jack said.

"Come on, Jack. It's almost 11. Go get ready for bed, ok?"

"Alright," he huffed. "Thanks for hanging with us, Emily."

"No problem, Jack. Happy almost birthday."

"Thanks. Night," he said with a yawn before offering her a hug.

"Goodnight. See you tomorrow."

Jack headed off to his room and left the adults to talk.

"Want me to walk you to your apartment?" Hotch asked.

Emily laughed. "Very chivalrous of you, but I haven't been drinking much and I'm perfectly capable of managing a few stairs."

"Ok. Just thought I'd offer."

"Appreciated, but unnecessary. Want me to help clean up?"

"No. There's nothing I can't just throw in the dishwasher tomorrow."

"Alright. Well, I'll see you bright and early. I promised Jack that I'd take him to pick up his flowers, so I hope that's ok."

"I guess we're going to meet the infamous Chelsea."

"Relax. It's puppy love."

"You say that when it's Nate's turn and you have to give him the talk."

"I'll make James do it."

"Yeah, like you'd leave him to handle something as important as that. You might let him start the talk, but you'd finish it."

"You're probably right, but I'm hoping I have a few more years."

"Goes by quicker than you can imagine."

"I know."

Hotch held up her jacket for her.

"Thanks. See you tomorrow."

Emily slipped out the door and went to her apartment, immediately changing and getting right into bed.

Without an alarm, she was still up the next morning unreasonably early for a weekend, but she used it to her advantage. After wrapping Jack's present and packing a small bag with extra clothes for Nate just in case there were spills or accidents at the party, she used what time she had left to do some grading before she got behind. Her students knew her to be timely and she didn't want to let them down.

But that time flew by and, before she knew it, the birthday boy was at her apartment ready to go flower shopping. She thought it was funny and cute that he was buying something for someone else on his birthday.

"Ok, Jack. What are you looking for?" she asked when they arrived at a floral shop.

"I don't know. What's your favorite?"

"Well, you can't go wrong with roses, but those are awfully expensive. I like so many different flowers, but let's focus on Chelsea. What does she like?"

"She likes pink and yellow."

"We can work with that. What about chrysanthemums? Look," she pointed to a display. "They come in all different colors and we can mix a few different kinds of flowers in a small bouquet."

"They're pretty. Ok."

They worked together to put together a pretty, colorful, but tasteful bouquet filled with chrysanthemums, baby's breath, and a few other flowers. Then, Jack worked on creating a second bouquet.

"What are you working on now?" she asked.

"No peeking," he told her.

She put her hands up and walked back. "Ok. I'll just hang on to this one and wait over there."

"Good."

Emily was suspicious, but it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong with a bunch of flowers, so she just let it happen. Though, waiting left time for her mind to wonder. Was Jack a playboy? Was he trying to _befriend_ or seduce two girls at the same time? That didn't seem like him, but one never really knew.

Jack snuck by her and to the register, paying for both bouquets without her even knowing. Again, Emily had no clue what was happening.

"I would have paid."

"But I have my own money and if you paid, then it wouldn't have been from me," Jack reasoned.

"Smart boy," she said. "Alright, put the bag in the backseat, but be gentle about it. We're going to pick up your cake and then get Nate."

On the way to the bakery, the two talked about Chelsea and some of Jack's friends that were going to be at the party. He was excited for everyone to meet Emily and Nate. A lot of the friends were children he grew up with, going to school with them since he started. It was sweet, she thought, that he wanted to bring Nate into that circle of friends.

"You really look out for Nate, don't you?"

"Of course. He's like a little brother, and I did it for Henry too, but I don't see him nearly as much as I do Nate. I would do it for Michael too, but he's not old enough to hang out yet."

"That's very nice of you Jack. I couldn't have asked for a better friend for Nate."

"I like him."

"He likes you, too. I know he looks up to you like a big brother as well."

"We've bonded. We've both lost parents and have been through some bad and good things. He needed someone to look out for him, show him the ropes… You know, other than you. I've tried to do that."

"I guess you have. You're both a lot alike."

"Yeah. And we like the same things, which makes it easier to get along."

"You know, Jack, you're starting to sound suspiciously grown up and I don't know if I like it. Soon you're going to be in college and smarter than all of us. I'm not ready for that."

"I'm not that old, yet."

"Yet," Emily parroted. "So, are you going to tell me about the other flowers? Who are they for?"

"What other flowers?" he asked, playing it coy.

She rolled her eyes and let the rest of conversation flow until they got to the bakery. The cake was already out and waiting for pick up. They gave it a quick inspection, Jack eyeballing the multicolored soccer themed sheet cake that read, _Happy 13__th__ Birthday, Jack!_

"What do you think?"

"It's great. Thanks," he said to the baker.

It was already paid for, so all that was left was loading it into the car without incident. Once secure, it was off to get Nate and then party decorating time.

Nate was ready and waiting when they got there. Emily spoke briefly with James just to confer plans for the following week. They had their appointments, and Emily wanted to sign Nate up for little League.

"I'm glad he wants to play."

"He loves baseball."

"I know. Makes me think of Vince. Let me know if he needs me to take him shopping," James said.

"We'll figure that out later."

"Have fun at the party," he told his son, wishing Jack a happy birthday in the same swoop.

Emily asked Nate if he had a nice time with his dad. Nate was quick to smile and say he did.

"We watched movies and played games. He didn't get upset at all and we talked a lot about things. It was nice."

Emily was glad to hear it.

They waved goodbye before Emily drove off. As they drove, the boys were whispering back and forth too quietly for Emily to hear. And she was trying to eavesdrop. They weren't often very secretive, but they were being intentionally and very overtly secretive then. Emily debated whether she needed to give them a lesson in spy craft or if she needed to employ a little more of her own and really get to the bottom of whatever it was they were plotting.

"What are you boys up to?" she asked.

"Nothing," they answered in unison.

"That doesn't make it sound like nothing."

"But it is," Nate said. "Stop being so nosy, Mom."

Jack just laughed and the two went back to their whispering. Emily tried not to let it get to her and focused, instead, on getting to spend some time with two other little boys that she hadn't been able to see much of recently. JJ had been so busy with work and Will that they only had the few randomly scattered play dates with the kids and even fewer girls' nights. So, she was ready to trade these two boys for the younger models, if only for an hour or two.

Auntie Em needed some LaMontagne boys time.

Unfortunately, that would be cut short.

When they got to Jessica's house, Emily was met with a bit of an icy reception. Emily had met Jessica before, and they had gotten on just fine, Jess even took care of Nate on occasion, so she had no idea what her problem was, but Emily didn't much care either. The day was about Jack and giving him a great birthday. So, she ignored Jessica's weird welcome and asked, "Where should I put the cake?"

"I'll take it," Jessica said.

Emily handed it over without any argument and went to go help set up. They all worked diligently until the place was covered in streamers and balloons and various other decorations. There were food tables and a present table, and a giant caricature sign out in the front lawn letting everyone who passed by know it was Jack's birthday. Everything was set up and it was perfect, except neither of the parents nor any of Jack's cousins knew where Jack and Nate were.

"They're up to something," Emily said.

"They're boys. They're always up to something. I'm sure it's fine," Hotch said.

"You were their age once. You were always up to something. Was it always fine?"

He grimaced momentarily, thinking back to that time when he and Sean tried to build a tree house without their parents' permission, and he ended up breaking his ankle falling out of the tree. He was eventually fine…

"Don't worry so much. They'll reappear once the guests start arriving. They popped up when Penelope got here, right?"

"I guess."

"JJ sent me a message saying she'll be here with Will and the kids any minute. Henry will get their attention. For now, they're probably just feeling all the presents trying to figure out what's inside."

Emily dropped it, and, sure enough, Hotch was right. When JJ got there, Henry immediately called out for the boys who were all too eager to get him in on whatever they were doing.

"I guess it's just you and me, Michael," JJ said to her son as her husband and Hotch went to go set up a few things outside.

"And Auntie Emily," she added. "How's my favorite toddler doing?" Emily asked the boy.

He gave her a happy, toothy smile and held up his hands.

"Seems he missed you," JJ told her.

"And I missed him. Look at that sweet face."

Emily held him to her chest, embracing him in a warm hug before tickling his belly.

"You've gotten so big," Emily said. "You're not allowed to get any bigger. Ok?"

He shook his head no.

"No? You're going to grow up on me? That's not nice. Let's take your mom and go catch up with Penelope. She's gonna want to see you."

Michael babbled a bit as Emily, Penelope, and JJ caught up before the festivities began. Penelope once again asked about Scott and the dating situation.

"We're not dating," Emily made clear.

"Have you talked to him since you went out?" JJ asked.

"You mean, since you and Penelope put me on a dating site and set me up?"

They at least looked guilty.

"Yes, we talked. He's Wyatt's father. Wyatt is friends with Nate. We set up a playdate."

"Like an adult kind of _play_ date?"

"Like a play date for our sons, PG. Mind out of the gutter."

"Come on. How long has it been?"

"Since I've been in a relationship?" Emily asked.

"You know what she means, Em."

"How long has it been? He's handsome. I'm sure he'd take care of you."

"Ugh. This is not the appropriate place to be talking about this."

Penelope huffed and stood. Before walking away, she said, "Fine, but we are talking about this."

"She's crazy," Emily said to JJ.

"Has it really been that long?"

"What?"

"It has, hasn't it?" JJ asked. "A year?

"JJ, come on…"

"So not that long."

Emily was blushing, now.

"Right before Nate?"

"Enough now. Little ears," Emily said, putting her hands over Michael's ears. Emily looked away. "Oh look, someone needs me. Coming," she called out, though no one actually called her. "Michael, have fun with your crazy mother."

She passed him to JJ and went anywhere else. She found Henry and Nate playing and spent some time with them as Jack started greeting the early party goers. Spencer, Dave, and Derek all came by.

There were games set up for the kids and the house was full of them. It was a nice day, thankfully, which allowed them to spend a lot of time outdoors and really allowed them to set up a scavenger hunt. Each kid that came was given a little satchel full of clues to follow once the hunt began, and it was now getting started. All of them were eagerly participating, hoping to win the prizes.

"Hotch," Jessica said, politely interrupting the friends' chatter.

"The scavenger hunt is going well," Hotch said.

"It is. Jack said you wanted to leave the prizes in the basement, but we should probably bring them up soon."

"I never said that," Hotch said.

"Well, then Jack wanted it. I don't know. They're in the basement. Do you want to go grab them?"

"Sure."

Before he and Jessica could leave, one of Jessica's children came running over in need of his mother's attention. She gave him an apologetic look.

"I got it," Hotch said. "Go."

Penelope, who had been standing close enough to overhear their conversation despite the group around her talking, offered assistance. She saw the moment she was waiting for.

"Emily can help you," she said.

Hotch looked to a surprised Emily. "Do you mind?" he asked.

"No… I can help," she said, giving Penelope a look, one that was clearly asking what the blonde was up to.

"Great. Thanks." He nodded for her to follow him and, to the rest of his friends said, "We'll be right back."

They walked away from the party, heading indoors toward the other end of the house where the basement access door was.

"What do you think that was all about?" Hotch asked Emily.

"I don't have a clue. You know Garcia. She's always up to something."

The house was quiet, but they could hear music playing and the kids running around as they made their way into the basement.

"It looks like someone left the light on downstairs," Emily said.

Hotch replied, "That's good because this switch for the main light isn't working. Watch your step."

His hand was on her back as he walked behind her, ready to try and catch of her she slipped in the dark. Emily wanted to say that she didn't need the help, but she kind of liked the feeling of being taken care of or looked after. It was nice.

"It looks like it's flickering down there," Emily said, moving a little quicker. "Are those candles?"

As they neared the last of the steps, they heard the door above them slam shut and a clicking sound.

"Wait here," Hotch told her, "I'm going to check that." When he reached the top of the stairs again, he tried the door. "It's locked."

"What?"

"We're locked in."

Emily joined him. Both banging on the door and calling out.

"No one's going to hear us," Emily concluded. "They're all outside."

He tried again anyway.

"Look, Hotch. Let's just get what we need and then worry about getting out. I'm sure it was just an accident, and people will come looking for us eventually. It's fine."

"You're right."

They walked back down the steps, this time getting a full view of what was going on down there. It was, indeed, candlelight that was flickering. An intimate table was set up with a vase of flowers in the middle.

"It looks like someone had dinner plans."

"You think Jack did this for Chelsea? Those look like the flowers he bought with you."

Emily noticed this bouquet was not the same one he gave to Chelsea.

"Roses," she said.

"What?"

"I don't think Jack did this for Chelsea," she told him, moving toward the table. "I saw him give her the flowers earlier. She seems nice by the way… And there's a note here."

Hotch joined her and looked at the piece of paper labeled, Emily and Hotch.

"That's Nate's writing," Emily noticed.

"This is Jack's," Hotch said when he unfolded it.

"What's it say?"

"Have fun."

"Have fun?" Emily asked. "That's it?"

"That's it."

"I told you these boys were up to something."

"But why trap us in a basement at his own party?"

"I can't even begin to work out their logic."

"Well," Hotch said. "We might as well sit down and get comfortable. Who knows how long we'll be waiting."

"Might as well," Emily agreed, grabbing a snack off the plate. "Want some?"

"Sure."

They talked and wandered the basement, realizing that the prizes weren't even down there. They were sent there for a reason, one they tried to figure out. The only consensus they came to was that Jack and Nate wanted them to spend time together. But they always spent time together, so why like this?

The conversation veered as they got bored down there. Eventually, and somehow naturally, their laughter and story sharing turned to relationships.

"How are things with Scott?"

"There are no things with Scott," she said.

"You've been talking with him, haven't you? That's what Jack told me."

"Jack told you? How does he know?"

"Probably Nate."

"But how would Nate know?" Emily questioned. It wasn't like she was sharing her dating life, or lack thereof, with her son.

"You'd have to ask him."

"I will," she said.

"Are you going to answer?"

Emily rolled her eyes and told him, "We've had a few phone conversations, maybe went to lunch once."

"So you're dating?"

"Why are you saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like… Like you're unhappy about it…" _Like you're jealous. _"So you're _dating,_" she mimicked.

"I'm not… If you're happy, then I'm happy for you. We just talked about this, though. You said you had a nice time, but you weren't really into him. I'm just wondering what changed."

"I'm… Not really. It's just…"

"It feels nice," he finished.

"Right."

"But don't you want more? Don't you want to be with someone who does more than that? That makes you happy every time you see them or who can make you smile without even trying, but still tries anyway. Someone you can rely on and trust."

"That sounds nice, Hotch. If you know where I can find that, please tell me."

"Maybe you're not looking in the right places."

"You sound like JJ and Penelope now… So where should I be looking?"

Ignoring the question, he said, "I've been doing some thinking since last time we spoke about this."

"Yeah? And?"

"And I've come to the conclusion that we're a lot alike, and that neither of us should settle for someone who doesn't get us and our drives. I've done that, and I wouldn't change anything with Haley, at least not about being with her. But we grew in two different directions. We stopped understanding each other. And with Beth, she understood that I loved my work, but she was equally as dedicated to her work, so there was no chance there."

"What are you getting at?"

"Haven't you experienced that too?"

"Yes," she said. "Only, my relationships have been a lot more dysfunctional and not anywhere near as stable."

"You're in a different place in your life now."

"I am. Now I'm a single mother with a whole other set of baggage. That's not really a turn on."

"I don't think it's a turn off."

"That's because you're a single father with baggage." She laughed. "Why is it that we always end up on this topic?"

"I don't know."

"I… I don't see myself being with Scott forever, but our kids are friends and I want to be friendly with him."

"You're using him," Hotch said.

"No. I'm not. I'm letting nature take its course. Whatever happens, happens. That's something I've never really tried, so now I am."

"I hope it works out for you," Hotch told her, a little dejected.

"What about you? Any dating prospects? You know, other than the hoard of single mothers at the school that all want a piece of Aaron Hotchner."

"They do not."

"You've never had to sit through one of the mothers' meetings. They assume just because you're a mom, you have plenty of time to sit around these meetings gossiping. You're a good 30% of the gossip."

"That can't be right."

"You're attractive, Hotch. People are going to want to date you."

"Thank you?" he said, one brow raised. "You're not exactly ugly either Emily. Men want to date you too."

"What men? Please point them out."

"I've been to meetings at the school too. Men do their fair share of talking. I almost had to confront one of the dads who was taking a little too much interest in your cleavage."

"Ugh. Do I even want to know who it was or what he said?"

"No," he quickly answered. "Trust me. He won't be making any moves. You deserve someone better than that. Someone who will appreciate you for more than your… assets."

"Ok dad," she joked. "But seriously. Thanks."

Their seats at the table were close to each other, but with some space between them, yet their hands seemed to wind up next to each other, pinkies grazing.

"No problem," Hotch said. "I'd do it for any one of you."

"Even Morgan?"

"Probably not. Derek would like it too much. He would welcome being someone's eyes candy."

"He would," she agreed.

Their hands moved closer still, unconsciously. As they moved, they brushed a napkin off the table, knocking it to the ground. Their hands pulled away as they both reached down for it. Their heads were practically touching, lips just inches apart as their eyes met. Hotch leaned in closer. Emily followed. Lips were grazing, ready for more, when a bang sounded, the basement door pulled open.

They jumped apart, both wondering what just happened.


	47. Kiss

**Chapter 47: Kiss**

The boys were found with their ears pressed against the door, trying to listen in to whatever was happening in the basement. The door was sturdy and they couldn't really hear anything, but they still tried.

A hand went to each of their backs, making them jump.

"Why aren't you two outside doing the scavenger hunt?" Jessica asked them, inspecting them with narrowed eyes.

"We wanted water," Jack answered quickly.

"Yeah."

"And that brought you to the basement, why? There are drinks in the cooler and some on the table… On the other side of the house where the party is."

"I'm…" Jack was at a loss.

"Helping me look for my mom," Nate said. "I can't find her and… I need her."

"Is everything ok?" Jessica asked, concerned. Her eyes looked him over for any injury. Everything checked out.

"I just… missed her," Nate said. It wasn't a complete lie. Whenever he was away from her, he missed her, but this time, that had nothing to do with what they were doing.

Jessica looked at them again. She came there looking for Hotch. She hadn't seen him in a while, and she wanted to check and see when he wanted to do cake. The last place she knew he went was the basement, and, now as she looked for him, she found his son instead. His son who should be out enjoying his birthday party…

"Step away from the door," she told them with an authoritative stance.

The boys looked to each other, but held their ground temporarily, until Jessica moved forward and gently started to push them away.

"Please return to the party," she said. "The prizes are going to be awarded soon and then there will be cake."

They sighed and just hoped they bought their parents enough time to figure things out and, hopefully, do something about things. Honestly, they weren't sure what they wanted or what it meant, but they wanted Emily and Hotch to be more… together. Like together, together. They were all happier together… The boys were sure of that.

Jack and Nate both moved out of the way and allowed Jessica to unlock the door. It swung open, the hard wood banging against the wall. Heavy footsteps descended, moving toward the pair in the basement.

"What's going on?" Jessica asked.

"Jessica?" Hotch asked, unable to see who it was from that distance in the dark.

"Why is it so dark down here? Have you been down here the whole time?"

She moved closer. By the time they were in view, Hotch and Emily had separated themselves completely, no touching allowed. They were still too stunned about what happened and the intrusion left them no time to even ponder what it was.

Emily gently ran a thumb over her lip while Hotch responded, "Yes, we have."

"It's been over an hour," Jessica exclaimed, looking down to her phone screen. "Closer to two. And the prizes are outside. Did you guys even bother to find the fuse box?" She noticed the flickering light and turned on her phone's flashlight. "Is that a candle? And a… table? Flowers? What the hell is this? Are you guys on a date at your son's birthday?"

"No," they both answered.

"You are, aren't you?" She sounded disgusted. "What is wrong with you? This is a day about your son, not an excuse to get your ego boosted with secret basement rendezvous."

Emily laughed. She didn't mean for it to come out, but it escaped anyway.

"You think this is funny?" Jessica yelled.

"No… Well, yes. That's not what this is at all, Jessica. I can assure you of that."

"Then what is it? Please explain how this could be anything else?"

Her temper was only growing. Emily and Hotch shared a look. Emily didn't know what she should do. Her relationship with Jessica had been friendly, but clearly something had changed, and she didn't know Jess well enough to know how to handle this side of her. She was hoping that Hotch did.

Profilers or not, they were dealing with an upset family member and that made things unpredictable, especially when they could see there was something deeper going on.

"Jessica, we didn't set this up," Hotch stated.

"Well, I certainly didn't have this lying around. If you didn't, then who did? My husband isn't romantic enough for this, nor are my kids having secret basement dates."

"We don't know what happened," Emily chimed in. "We just did what you asked and came down here to get the prizes."

"Two hours ago," she yelled. Jessica was frustrated with the situation and confused by what was happening. There was a time and a place for things like this, and it wasn't at Jack's party.

"The door locked behind us. Neither of us had our phones, and no one could hear us call for help with the music."

"Everyone was out back anyway," Jess agreed, taking a calming breath as she thought that maybe she misjudged things. But the evidence was incriminating. Things still looked bad from her point of view. "That still doesn't explain how all of this got in here."

"We can't answer that either," Hotch said.

"Well, we have an idea," Emily corrected. "We think it was the boys."

Jess sighed and rolled her eyes, her hand dramatically pushing her hair back. "Of course, it was."

"What does that mean?" Emily asked, easily picking up on her short tone. "Seriously, Jessica. You've been rude to me all day. What is wrong? What did I do?"

"You know, I've always thought of you as a strong, independent, and caring woman. I never expected this from you. And I never expected you to play dumb either."

"Wait. What? What are you talking about Jessica?" Emily asked.

"I'm talking about Jack," she confessed, "And how you're all he can talk about. You're replacing my sister, but you are not his mother!"

Emily and Hotch both stood in a stunned silence, mouths ajar. That wasn't at all where they thought her anger was coming from. On the rare occasion she and Jessica needed to interact, they were cordial.

"Jessica…" Emily tried.

"I don't want to hear your denials. That boy adored his mother and he used to ask me about her all the time. He used to look forward to coming over here and spending time with us. It's not like that anymore," she stated, emotion playing. "You are all he talks about. You, Nate, and the time the four of you spend together."

Emily and Hotch looked to each other and then around for the boys. They suspected they were around, but they were long gone by then. As soon as Jessica's voice started getting louder, they ran not waiting to see what became of their little venture. Their parents went on a date, their idea of a date, anyway, and they hoped it did what they wanted.

"The power is on down here and the party is still going on out there. Hotch, you should head back," Emily suggested, temporarily ignoring Jessica.

"I should," he tried pointing to Jessica, but Emily cut him off.

"I have this handled. We're both adults. It will be fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked, though he knew what she would say. She wanted to talk with Jessica, but he didn't want Jessica to be rude to her. It wasn't Emily's fault.

"I'm sure."

With great hesitation, Hotch nodded and left the women to their own devices. He could only hope for the best. When he was up the stairs, Emily looked to Jessica's scowling face, her own arms crossed over her chest.

"I think we should talk."

"Maybe we should."

"Why don't you get whatever you need to off your chest? Then we can have a civil conversation."

"Fine," Jessica huffed. "I just don't think that this," she made a hand gesture, "whatever it is that you're doing with them, is fair to my family or to my sister."

"I'm not doing anything with them, Jessica. I am Hotch's friend. Our sons are friends. We live in the same building. We have a lot of history."

That set Jessica off on a tangent. Emily patiently listened and tried not to let what the other woman said get to her, but she couldn't help it. Some of her points were fair… And that bothered Emily. Were there things she was missing along the way? Had she caused some problems and confusion? All she knew was that she ended that conversation more confused than she started, but Jessica seemed appeased. Truthfully, Jessica wasn't upset with Emily. She was worried about Jack and Jack's feelings and how Emily and Nate both fit in. Emily could understand that.

While they were having their little pow wow, Hotch went in search of the boys. He didn't want to ruin Jack's party, but he wanted them to know that what they did was unacceptable. They couldn't make decisions for the adults.

"Am I in trouble?" Jack asked as soon as he spotted his father walking out of the house and toward him. He learned a lot about people from his father, and he learned a lot about his dad's looks. The one he had right now clearly said, "I know what you did." It was only a matter of time…

"Should you be?" Hotch responded.

"No?"

Hotch's brows furrowed.

"Maybe," Jack corrected, bowing his head a little.

"You and I are going to have a talk later, but it can wait. Right now, enjoy your party."

"Thanks, Dad. Tell Emily not to be too hard on Nate. I put him up to it."

Hotch was surprised how easily Jack gave up his role in everything. His son knew exactly what was wrong without him saying one thing about it.

"Where is Nate?"

"Trying to find the last clue for the scavenger hunt. You really have been gone a while."

"Whose fault is that?" Hotch asked.

Jack shrugged. "Did you at least have a good time?"

Hotch sighed and declined to answer. "We'll talk when we get home."

"Dad…"

"Go party, Jack. Finish the hunt so we can do cake and presents."

"Fine," he said, huffing away, not thrilled by the answer or lack thereof.

Hotch took a moment to just take everything in. The day went from normal excitement to crazy. Jessica had gone crazy, their children were scheming romantics, and he and Emily kissed… They kissed… What the hell did it all mean?

"You ok, Hotch?" JJ asked, coming up to him.

"What? Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks."

"Where have you been?" She looked around. "Where's Emily?"

"She's… helping Jessica. We were both locked in the basement. Neither of us had our phones."

"Really?" she asked, concerned. "You're both fine, though?"

"We're fine. We just spent a lot of time trapped in the dark. Somehow, power was out down there." Which reminded him that he needed to have a conversation with a certain tech analyst that he suspected may have been an accomplice.

"That's crazy. We were about to send out a search party."

"How have things been out here? No hiccups?"

"No. The kids are all having fun. The adults are getting along and chatting. Food is good. The party is a success."

"Good. I… I think I'm going to go get the cake set up. Can you let everyone know Em and I are fine?"

"Sure," JJ said. "But are you? Really? You seem… off."

"I'm fine."

Just shaken a bit… confused really. He was trying very hard not to read into it or even think about it, but he couldn't help it. The kiss was on his mind.

"Stop it," he yelled at himself before immersing himself back into the party and mingling with some of Jack's friends' parents. As much as he wanted to ponder the kiss, what it meant, and where it could have gone, he had to be present for his son.

Emily, meanwhile, was returning to the team.

"Missing something?" Pen asked, holding up Emily's purse when the brunette seemed to be searching for something.

"Yes. Thanks."

She took her purse from her friend.

"I've been looking for this."

"Is that where you've been?" Penelope asked, feigning ignorance.

"Oh Penelope," Emily sighed. "I think you know exactly where I've been."

"What? Who? Me? No… Not a clue."

"Pen…"

"Seriously, no clue," she said, hands up in surrender. "Hmm, I think I hear my chocolate thunder calling. Ta-ta. Talk soon."

Penelope ran off, and Emily was left with her thoughts, Jess's voice running through her mind. Why? Why was any of this happening? They had a good thing going? When did that seem to change for everyone around them without either of them realizing?

A hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"Damn it," she hissed.

"Jumpy," Dave said. "Everything ok?"

"Everything's fine."

"You look a little lost."

"Really… I'm fine."

"Where have you been? You and Hotch disappeared for a while."

"We were locked in the basement. The door got stuck or something and the lights weren't working down there," she said. "We're fine, but no one could hear us, so we were down there a while."

He looked at her, trying to read her. He couldn't seem to, but he could tell there was more to the story.

"Anything else happen?"

"No."

"What did you do down there?"

"We just talked. Mostly about the kids. What else were we supposed to do?"

She wasn't acting like herself which Dave wanted to question, but the whole group showed up and he didn't want to do it in front of them. That feeling was compounded when they all asked Emily the same question. She repeated the same line verbatim and they could see Penelope's bashful smirk. She was up to something. But all Emily was thinking about was getting out of there.

She loved Jack and she wanted to celebrate, but she needed to have a talk with Nate and ponder the day's events alone, without her friends snooping and wondering what was going on. Hotch was feeling much the same way. Thankfully, though, he had party things to keep him occupied and make the day move more quickly.

The scavenger hunt ended. The top finishers won little prizes. From there, they moved on to cake and presents. Everyone sang happy birthday and dug in before Jack was able to start unwrapping. Cute little Chelsea gave him a homemade card that, to Jack, eclipsed his actual present from her. He was gleeful, as any child would be, as he continued to open all his gifts. His drone from Nate made his day. Nate was equally as excited and made it clear they were going to play together the first chance they got. Emily was sure that meant first thing in the morning, Nate would be pouncing on her bed, waking her up like it was Christmas morning, yelling "time to play."

It was nice to see Jack and the hoard of children surrounding him all having a great time. That didn't mean that the adults weren't happy when it was over. It had been a long day; fun, but long. JJ and Will bowed out once Michael was down for the count. Henry put up a fight, but the promise of a playdate with Nate and Emily soothed him. Emily was excited for that too.

As the party emptied out, Jack and Nate were still playing, testing out some of his new toys with his cousins. That left the adults congregating uncomfortably.

"I think it's time for us to go," Emily told Hotch.

It was the first time they were alone since being locked in the basement and, while they too needed to talk, there was neither the time nor place for that.

"I'd offer to stay and help, but…" she pointed to Jessica who was walking about, keeping an eye on them. "I just think it's best that I don't."

"I understand. We have it covered," Hotch said. "Thanks though."

Hotch saw Jessica eyeing Emily and pretending she wasn't picking up around them in attempt to eavesdrop.

"What did she say to you?" he asked her.

"Jessica? Nothing," Emily was quick to say. "We just had a chat. That's all."

"It was more than that."

"We… cleared the air. Everything's ok. Really."

"Should I be upset with her?"

"No, Hotch. Don't be. It was a good talk…" Kind of. "No reason to be upset."

"Seems like maybe there is," he pointed out. "Especially if you feel uncomfortable around her."

"It's not that. It's just… I think, no matter how good the talk, Jessica and I will forever remain just acquaintances. I don't want to push it. I think I just rub her the wrong way, which is why it's best if Nate and I don't stay."

"If that's it, then fine, but if this is about," he left it open-ended, his hand gesturing between the two of them.

"It's not. I promise it's not."

"Good… Good because I don't want things to be weird."

"They won't be," she assured him, but she was wrong. They would come to learn that. "We better go. I'm going to have a problem pulling Nate away. We can… We can talk later," she suggested.

"Absolutely. Later. Thanks for coming, and for all the help."

"No problem."

They shared an awkward hug, both moving in the same direction and not in their same easy symbiosis. There was a shift in their interactions. Everything was off balance.

"Nate," Emily called. "Time to go."

He put up a fight, but Emily pulled the mom card and put her foot down. The party was over, and she was anxious to talk to Nate about the rights and wrongs of budding in. What he did probably sprung from good intentions, but was out of bounds, and that was what Hotch and Emily both told their kids.

Hotch asked Jack why he did it.

"I just… Wanted you to be happy," Jack responded.

"I am happy."

"I guess. I know I make you happy and your work makes you happy, but you're alone. One day not too long from now, I'm going to be old and living on my own at school or something and you're going to be here all by yourself. I don't want that."

_Neither do I, _he thought.

"I won't be, Jack, and I never want you to worry about me."

"You're my dad, Dad," Jack said. "Worry comes with the territory. Besides, you don't date. How are you ever going to find someone if you don't date?"

"I date."

"No you don't. Other than Beth forever ago, you really haven't. You don't so that you can spend more time with me and because you're worried about me, but you don't need to. And… Well, Emily makes you happy. You act like you're married already. You have fun with her… We all have fun together. I thought that… I thought you could be a good fit. It couldn't hurt to at least try."

Hotch laughed and patted his son on the back.

"That's a nice thought, Jack, and I appreciate that you were thinking about me and what would make me happy," he paused. "But that's not your job. Your job is to be a kid and live your own life. Let me live mine the way I want to."

"Alone," he added.

"Not alone, just dating and meeting people without your help. It was a nice thought, but I'm asking you not to do that again. It was inappropriate, and you put the two of us in an awkward situation. We were supposed to be helping with and enjoying your party, not locked in the basement. Your aunt was not happy. I also don't appreciate that you recruited my colleague to help you and Nate with your little plan."

"Come on, Dad. That just means that there are a lot of people who believe this is something that should happen. Maybe you should think on that."

"Did you turn 13 and then just magically become the dating and life guru?"

"I do have a girlfriend and you don't," Jack pointed out making his father sigh.

Hotch barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. That was not a fact that was helping his case, Hotch thought. Jacks' version of a girlfriend was very much just that: a girl who was a close friend. In that respect, Emily was already his version of Chelsea.

"While that may be true, I have lived and made my own decisions perfectly fine on my own. Leave these things to me."

"Fine."

Hotch believed that Jack got the hint. The boy knew not to get involved again unless asked, and Hotch believed he would stick with that.

"One more question," Hotch said. "Why now?"

"Because this could be your last chance with her," he plainly stated. "Nate told me she was dating some guy… And he didn't like it."

_Uh oh…_ Hotch thought. Emily and Nate had a whole separate conversation they had to have.

That was more accurate than he thought.

After Emily had a very similar conversation with Nate, Scott happened to come up in topic. She just finished reprimanding Nate and telling him that butting in, no matter the good intention, was not ok. Her life was her life, and while she would always make decisions with him in mind, he couldn't make those choices for her. He accepted that, apologized even. He didn't mean to overstep, but he did what he thought was a nice thing.

"Is that why you did it? You thought it would be nice for Hotch and me to be together?"

"Well… yeah. I love Hotch and Jack. So do you," Nate said. "We could be a real family."

"Oh Nate… I know you want that again, and I wish I could give you that, but we are a different kind of family. It doesn't make us less of a family just because Hotch and I aren't together."

"But if you were, then Jack would be my brother."

"He can still be that to you. He is like that already."

"Not if you marry someone else."

"Honey, I'm not marrying anyone."

"What about Scott?" he asked, catching Emily off guard.

"Scott? I'm not marrying him."

"But you're dating him."

"Who told you that?" she asked.

He shyly looked away.

"I heard you talking to him at night. You went to your room and I heard you."

"You were listening in."

"No… I just heard," he responded. "You were talking loud."

She wasn't, she knew, but she wasn't planning on correcting him. His eavesdropping wasn't the biggest issue at play.

"I'm not in a relationship with Scott, Nate."

"You're not?"

"No. We have been talking, but that's it."

"You're lying. You've been on a date with him. I overheard Penelope and JJ talking."

"Clearly, we're going to have to have another talk about eavesdropping and how that leads to misunderstandings, but right now, I want to know why you thought it would be a good idea for you to set up a date with Hotch if you thought I was dating someone else."

"I don't want you to date Scott. I don't want someone else to take you away from me."

And that was the real problem, Emily learned. He was afraid to lose her when he only just got her in his life. Not lose her in the death sense, but he was afraid to lose her to someone else.

"You never have to worry about that."

"Yes I do. What if you get married and have babies? Then you'll love them more."

"That's not possible."

"Yes it is," he defiantly said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"My sweet boy," Emily told him, pulling him into a hug. "Even if I one day got married and, by some slim chance, had another child, that wouldn't change anything between us. You are the one person I never knew I needed in my life. I spent years wondering about who you were becoming and what you were like. Now that I have you with me, there is no one and no thing that can take you away. No matter what or who comes along, you and I are stuck together. I promise you that."

"You can't be sure."

"I can," she promised. "You are my number one guy, Nate. No one will take your place or take you away from me. I can promise you that, if I ever get to the point where I may be close to marrying someone, then I will make sure you're comfortable with that too."

"Really?"

"Absolutely, Nate. Having you in my life has changed me. It has made me better. _You_ have made me better. Whatever I do, I just want you to be happy. While sometimes it may feel like it, I won't ever do anything that would intentionally make you unhappy. Some decisions will be out of my control, and you may hate some of the choices I do make, but, Nate, I love you more than anything, and I don't want you to ever feel like I don't."

"I just… I want you to be happy, Mom, but I'd really like you to be happy with someone who loves me too," he said, sounding much wiser than his years should have allowed.

Hearing him say that only compounded the day's emotions, making her more confused. Between what Jessica told her, her own feelings, and Nate's emotions… She was internally combusting.

"We don't have to worry about that right now, ok? I wouldn't be with anyone who doesn't care about you or that makes you uncomfortable. Just know that."

"Alright," he said, shrugging.

"We can come back to this later, but eventually, both your father and I are going to date, and people may come into your life. You may not like these people, and if you don't or you feel uncomfortable, you can voice that. Tell us. But please give them a shot. You can't just hate them because they're new or you feel like they're stealing us. I want to know if you're uncomfortable, but I want you to give them a chance, too."

"I guess I can try… But does it have to be with Scott?"

"You barely know him."

"I don't want to."

"Nate, we just talked about this."

"I know… I'll give people a chance, but why does it have to be him?"

"Why not him?"

"I don't want to be Wyatt's brother."

"Wow, Nate, you're really rushing any relationship I may or may not have right to the end point. Scott and I are not dating. We are friends, and you are friends with Wyatt, so we will see each other. Don't be rude to him or you will get in trouble. But rest assured, as of now, we're not dating."

They weren't, and she didn't know when or who she would date, but Nate sure gave her a lot more to think about.

"I think I'm all talked out, Nate. Do you have anything else you need to say?"

"I'm sorry," he told her.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. I hope you understand why what you did was wrong. I'm not going to punish you this time but remember this talk next time you think about doing something like this."

"I will."

"Ok. Why don't you go get a game for us? We can play something while the movie marathon is happening."

He nodded and headed to his room. He thought about asking to invite Jack and Hotch, but he knew that would have been a bad idea. Instead, he just enjoyed the evening having his mother all to himself. They played a long game of Monopoly. Emily let him win but put up a "good fight" to make it believable. They didn't talk about Jack or Hotch or dating. They just talked and played and watched movies. They were in their own little bubble for the night and it was just what they needed, but soon enough it was back to the real world.

Emily kept to herself for the rest of the weekend. When Nate asked if he could go see Jack and play with their drones, Emily said yes, but that they could only go in the backyard where she could see them from the back window.

"You're not going to come?" he asked.

"I have some grading to finish, but I can see you from the window in the office. I'll be keeping an eye out. Ask if Jack can play and if he can't, come right back home, ok?"

"Alright."

"Take your phone in case you need help. No chasing the toy if it goes over the fence."

"I won't, Mom," he huffed, grabbing his things and heading to Hotch's apartment.

Being alone with her thoughts really made her concentrate on the kiss. It was a good kiss… But why? Why did it happen? Did she initiate it? Did she want it to happen? What did it mean? Where did they go from there? Hotch was asking himself the same questions. A door was opened by their children that they had never dared to unlock, and now they didn't know what to do about it.

On one hand, it could mean something great for the two of them. Both found each other attractive, their personalities worked well together, and they knew each other. They already had the friendship part down. They already knew that their kids got along. They would not have to waste time learning each other's baggage. Everything was already out in the open.

On the other hand, the entire course of their relationship would be upended if they decided to peruse that kiss at all. There were repercussions to consider. There were things to think about beyond their own feelings, but that was a big part of it all. What were they feeling?

Was whatever they were feeling enough to risk what they already had to try for more? Was that just greedy?

Neither was ready to answer those questions. They both needed a moment to figure it out. Emily, though, was stuck on what Jessica said to her. It wasn't that the woman was aggressive or angry, it was just that she shed some light on things that Emily and Hotch hadn't realized and that were never as relevant as they were then.

"_I'm sorry about how I've been acting," Jessica said after explaining how she was feeling about Emily's place in Jack's life, seemingly taking over the mother figure role. _

_It was a lot for her. She didn't like the feeling that her sister was being forgotten by her son. That wasn't what was happening, but it felt like that sometimes. _

"_But there is something you need to realize," Jessica continued. "Whether you admit it or not, you and Aaron have set yourself up as a family. There's nothing wrong with that, but you're messing with those boys' heads. They view you both as a unit. They look to you both for guidance."_

"_We're not in a relationship, Jessica," Emily told her, seeing where the woman was taking the conversation._

"_Maybe, maybe not. That's part of the problem, though, isn't it?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I think that you guys are spending an awful lot of time together. The boys are close, the parents are close… It's working for you, but it's creating the illusion of a family unit that is giving Jack false hope."_

"_What false hope?"_

_Jessica sighed. "I'm sad that one day Jack will have someone in his life he may consider a mother and that won't be Haley. In all honesty, I wouldn't mind if it was you. But before any of that, you and Aaron have some things to figure out. If the boys are scheming to create date nights for you, perhaps they have a reason to think it's warranted, and maybe you and Aaron should think about what signals you're giving the kids."_

"_But we're not dating."_

"_Like I said, maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but appearances send one message and what you're saying sends another."_

"_And what is the subliminal message that we're unintentionally sending?" Emily asked. _

"_You're telling people that you're off limits, that the four of you are one unit, that you rely on each other, love one another, and can't be messed with. You're saying you're a family. And you are, but, more than that, you're showing your kids that you are both in charge, a pair, like a mom and a dad to both of them. You co-parent really. With the amount of time you spend together and with Jack staying with you and Nate staying with Aaron, that makes sense. But one day, if you truly have no feelings for each other, people are going to come into your lives, a boyfriend that turns into a husband or a girlfriend that turns into a wife… And that's going to get confusing for the boys. They're going to lose their foundation, their consistency. So, the two of you need to figure this out, whatever it is, and start preparing those kids for either alternative or they're not going to know what hit them."_

_Jessica patted Emily's arm. _

"_Good luck with that… But don't hurt my nephew. He has been through enough."_

"_I… I wouldn't dream of it."_

"_I actually believe you. But sometimes we hurt people without meaning to. You and Aaron are on a collision course that you have the power to fix before it gets messy. I suggest you do."_

Jessica was right. They set themselves up for this and now they were more confused than ever.

**So, so much more to come. Hang in there Hotchniss fans…**


	48. All for One and Therapy for All

**Chapter 48: All for One and Therapy for All**

It had been a few days since Emily and Hotch talked, verbally talked at least. Texts were exchanged, but that was the extent of it. It was unusual for them, and, if they were really examining things, they would have seen that it was giving them a bit of withdrawal.

Jessica told Emily that they were creating habits, and each of them was relying on the other to help parent and just talk things through. In some ways, since Emily had come back, Hotch had taken over the role of best friend for her as she did for him.

Emily found it ironic that the one non-profiler in their group who wasn't really a part of their group at all, was the one to point this all out… But maybe Jessica was the only one that felt compelled to step in and point it out because her familial role was being threatened and she felt Emily was getting too deeply engrained in Jack's life. No one else had that same connection, so they were more likely to just let it play out. Emily didn't know, but she was starting to question whether she and Hotch were the only ones that were oblivious to how deeply tied to each other they had become.

It had been four days since the party, and they missed each other. They missed the support. They missed having someone so close by to just commiserate with. They just missed each other.

"Are you ok?"

"What?" Emily asked, James' voice pulling her from her daze.

"I asked if you were ok. You look like you're in space."

"I'm fine."

"Are you nervous for our first session?"

"Not really," she stated.

Oddly enough, she was looking forward to it. Nate was having his first therapy session and they were having theirs. They decided to do a few just the two of them before bringing in Nate. Believing it could actually help, she was anxious to start.

"You know I was never a fan of therapy."

"I know, but it has helped you, hasn't it?"

"Yes, and I know this is important."

"This is what we need to function as parents and to make Nate comfortable with our situation. We're doing it for him, but also to better ourselves."

Therapy wasn't her idea of a good time either, but it was what they needed to move forward. That was why she suggested it and was giving it a chance. She just wanted peace. That was all, and she hoped this would help them achieve it.

"Emily," the receptionist called. "Dr. Mangrove is ready for you both. Head on in."

Emily stood and held out a hand for James.

"Ready?" she asked him.

"Ready," he said.

They walked in, closing the door behind them, and the session officially began. It was mostly a get to know you session. Dr. Mangrove introduced herself and asked a few basic questions to understand who they were and what they were hoping would happen there.

"Now Emily, you've mentioned a little about your unconventional situation on the phone, but I'd like to go into that more before we talk about what you're both hoping to get from these sessions. I've heard your perspective, Emily, so let's hear James' point of view."

"Ok," they agreed.

"Emily and I were best friends in high school," James started. "We're going that far back, right?"

"It's your story. Start wherever you'd like."

He nodded and continued. It was a crazy story, but it wasn't much different from the way Emily explained it, at least not until they got to the estrangement.

"Focus on that. Why did you feel it was necessary to break all contact with Emily?" Dr. Mangrove asked.

"It wasn't all contact… I still wrote to her and we talked once or twice."

Emily rolled her eyes.

"I guess we felt threatened. Vince and I felt threatened."

"What you mean is Vince wanted me gone and you didn't care enough to try to reason with him," Emily interrupted.

"It felt like I was forced to choose between my partner and my friend, Emily. It wasn't a good situation for me either."

"Maybe not, but you got to live the happily ever after and I got pain and yearning and wondering what I did wrong."

"It wasn't all about you, Emily. We had Nate to think about."

"And you think Nate was better off without me in his life… Ever, if Vince had his way?"

"That's not what I said," James yelled. "I'm just saying that I was hurt too. I lost my best friend."

"You lost me long before that. We just didn't know it then."

Mangrove stepped in. This session was just to approach the major topics without totally jumping in. She needed to get a sense of all that pained their relationship to help them rebuild it.

"Let's take a step back," she told her clients. "This is, clearly, a sensitive topic. I'd like you both to use the time between now and the next session to try looking at this from the other's point of view. You both experienced something different and had been hurt in different ways. Perhaps understanding that will improve how you deal with each other and look at this pivotal moment in your relationship."

Emily shrugged, and James agreed, but neither were looking at each other.

"As we approach the end of this session, I'd like to ask you both some questions. Are you up to that?" Mangrove asked, noting the high tension.

They both said they could handle it.

"Ok. James let's start with you. If you could get only one thing out of these sessions, what would it be?"

"I guess I… I want to stop resenting Emily for being a good parent because I know I shouldn't, but it feels like I can't help it."

"Is there anything else you hope to get out of this?"

"I want us to be friends again. I want us to get past all that has happened."

"And Emily, how do you feel about what he said?"

"How should I feel? It's no secret he resents me. In his mind, I'm the bad guy. I'm always the bad guy. It is what it is," Emily responded. "He blames me for Vince's death. He blames me for his living. He's upset because Nate loves me. No matter what I do, it's a problem for him. It's not just about the point where he cut ties with me. It's about so much more now."

"So, what would you like to get out of these sessions?"

"I'd like to stop hating James for everything he took from me and for who his choices led me to become. I want to let go of that hate and get to a point where the littlest things don't set us off."

"You hate me?" James asked, the weight of the word hitting him.

She met his gaze. "Almost everyday since you left with Nate. Maybe before then," she honestly answered. "I've denied it for years. I pushed it so far into the recesses of my mind that I could almost forget it was there and function, but yes, James. You have made me hate you, and that was something I never thought I would say. But you were my friend… and you hurt me more than anyone else ever had. That's saying a lot, because I've been hurt many times. Maybe it's not hate. Maybe it's just that line between love and hate. Maybe I love you, but dislike you. All I know is that there are years of hurt between us."

There was a sadness swirling around the old friends that wasn't going to disappear any time soon.

"It's clear that we have some work to do. I know you wanted to include your son –"

"Nate," Emily said.

"Yes, Nate – in these sessions. I think that would be beneficial down the line, but I would like a few more meetings with just the three of us to work out some of the hostility before we bring him in."

"I think that's best," Emily agreed. "We don't want to fight in front of Nate. That's the whole reason we're doing this. James is working on handling his emotions in private therapy, but we need to improve our relationship to better co-parent Nate."

"How long do you think that will be?" James asked.

"We can't put a set timeline on these things. We'll create a schedule that works for your family and revisit bringing Nate in after we make some progress."

"Alright."

"Ok," Dr. Mangrove said. "This seems like a good place to end the session. In addition to trying to look at the same situation from the other's point of view, I'd like you to come up with a list for next time with 5 positive and 5 negative qualities or attributes about each other. I know no one wants to do homework, but this will help facilitate our sessions and allow the growth to happen."

They didn't argue. Instead, they thanked Dr. Mangrove and set up their next appointment. They moved into the lobby where they sat quietly and waited for Nate to be done with his session.

Their son met Dr. Garland with his parents there. They helped him get comfortable and feel like he was in a safe place before they left the two alone. When the parents were gone, Nate wasn't an open book. He was nervous. While his parents assured him there was nothing to worry about and that they were just giving him someone he could talk to about anything, he still didn't feel like he needed that. He let the doctor know that too.

"I don't think I need to talk to you. I can talk to my mom whenever I want."

"What about your dad? Can you talk to him too?" Dr. Garland asked.

Nate shrugged. "I guess."

"You don't think so?"

"Sometimes. I have a good Dad."

"Of course you do," Garland agreed. "No one is saying otherwise, Nate. We're just talking." He did, however, make note of the boy's defensiveness.

"Ok… Well, I can talk to my dad about mostly anything."

"That's really good, Nate. Talking is important. What kinds of things do you talk about?"

"School, sports, my friends, and that kind of stuff."

Dr. Garland asked Nate about those things, getting the boy more comfortable and starting a more relaxed, naturally flowing conversation.

"Seems like you talk about a lot with him."

"I do… But not about my mom or my other dad."

"Why not?"

"Talking about my other dad makes Dad upset. Because he died and my dad was really hurt. I even broke my arm."

"That's scary."

"It was, but my mom protected me. Only… I didn't know she was my mom then."

"That's a new development in your life. How are you liking having a mom?"

"I love it. I love my mom. I still miss my dad, though."

"Losing a parent is hard."

"Yeah."

Garland asked Nate to talk about his father if he was comfortable. That slowly led back into how James didn't like talking about Vince too much because it made him sad.

"Does it make you sad to talk about him?"

"Sometimes," Nate said. "But sometimes it makes me happy, too. I like to think about how he would play with me all the time and when I was scared, he would sleep in my bed with me to keep me company."

"Sounds like he was a good dad."

"Yeah. I love him. I love all my parents."

Dr. Garland smiled. He saw a lot of children, some who didn't feel that way, some who didn't feel loved at all, and some who went through unimaginable trauma. Nate, from what he could gather, went through some traumatic events, he lost people he loved, but he gained a whole lot too.

"How did you feel learning about your mother?"

"I don't know. Weird, I guess. At first," he clarified. "I never had a mom, but Emily took care of me when the bad guys came, and she made me feel safe. She did everything a mom and dad is supposed to and, I think, I kind of felt like she was my mom even before I knew."

"You knew she loved you because of how she took care of you," Garland surmised.

"Yeah. She kept me safe even when she got hurt. My dad was gone, my other dad was in the hospital, and she was hurt too, but she didn't leave me. She promised she won't ever leave me."

"Are you afraid of people leaving?"

"No… Yes… I don't know."

"Ok. That's ok. Can you tell me what happened when your parents were hurt?"

"Mom and I were in a car crash. I broke my arm and some guy attacked her."

"That must have been scary."

"I was scared, but she made sure I was ok. I just didn't want her to be hurt anymore. She needed surgery, you know."

"I didn't know that. Was that right away?"

"No. Mom took me back to America. Her knee was hurt, my dad was in the hospital somewhere far away, but she said this is where we'd be safe."

"Did you feel safe?"

"Mostly. I got to meet her family, my new family, and I got to play with new friends. I'd never had real friends before so that was cool."

"Sounds like a lot of change."

"I guess. I wasn't really scared for me," Nate said. "Even before I knew she was my mom, Emily did everything to keep me safe and I just… I don't want her to go anywhere."

"Where would she go?"

"I was afraid if she went back to work with Hotch and JJ and Penelope and Spencer and everyone that she could get hurt again. Catching bad guys is dangerous."

"You're afraid she'd pass away like your dad."

Nate nodded and looked away.

"It's ok to feel that way. You've been through a lot in your few years. It's normal to worry about people you love."

"I just… I don't want to lose them too. I don't want either of them to go away. None of them. But my parents always fight. Mom tries really hard not to, but sometimes Dad is so mean to her. I know sometimes he can't help it, but it's not fair. He's going to make her go away again. I don't want that. I want them both. And I want Hotch and Jack too. I want all of them."

"I believe that's why your parents are doing their own counseling. They want to get along better to make things easier and happier for you."

"I am happy. I know they do their best," Nate said. "I just wish…"

"What? What do you wish?"

"I wish they could both be ok and happy too."

"I think they're trying to be, and, as long as you're happy, they will be too."

That ended their first official session. Dr. Garland was impressed by how easily they communicated. Nate was, for a boy that was socially isolated, very good at opening up with him. He wasn't awkward, though, Dr. Garland was also aware that it could be situational. In one session, he felt that he had a good sense of what was happening with Nate. The boy's deep-seated familial insecurities and stress over potential loss and danger stemmed from very obvious triggers. He was optimistic that he could help Nate feel a little more secure and, thus, allow his clinginess to deplete as he became more confident in his environment.

That was exactly what he told James and Emily. Dr. Garland refused to tell them what he and Nate talked about, which they expected. It was a given that, unless it was life threatening or there was some danger/problem that required medicine or their help in treatment, what they talked about would remain confidential.

"You've got a good kid there," Dr. Garland told the parents. "I wouldn't worry about him too much."

That seemed impossible, but they were happy to hear it.

The plan for their therapy was to schedule it for every Tuesday for the next three weeks. After that, they would determine if Nate needed any further individual sessions and if it was time to start bringing him in to the family sessions. It was a solid plan and, despite the elevated emotions that occurred in the family session, Emily and James decided to leave everything that was said in that room until they had time to think about it. It was better not to just react and carry it with them. They needed to let it simmer for a while. A healthy simmer.

They also agreed that, assuming therapy would bring up a lot of emotion and pain between them, they would keep contact minimal until they were in a better place. They would interact normally, speak when they needed, but nothing beyond because they knew things would get worse before they got better, and they didn't want to have a collision while Nate was around.

It was fine, and it gave them some time to work on their assignments. They each knew their own perspective, but couldn't grasp the other's through their own pain. For Emily, she was hurt by James. Vince was a friend by association, but she considered James family. She saw her best friend use her to get what he and his partner wanted and then abandon her, taking a piece of her heart with them. She saw a man willing to sacrifice his morals, friendship, and life for a liar. Vince may have turned out to be a good father, but he wasn't the best person. His choices impacted her life. It led her down a path that could have ended a lot darker if she let it. Her naivety and her friend's eagerness made her jump in, but they went into it too blindly, too ignorant to facts. It was a problem. She was a fool. She repressed a lot of feelings and survived, but it took its toll.

James saw things differently. He fell in love with Vince before knowing exactly who he was. Then it was too late. He loved him and he couldn't stop. Emily was always supportive… Happy for him. Then Nate was born and Vince felt threatened by Emily's involvement. He had to side with Vince. Maybe a part of him felt threatened too. Emily wasn't meant to be Nate's mom, and being his mom was the one thing neither father could be. Then they ran. He and Vince travelled around and moved from place to place with Nate. He did what he could to offer Emily something, but he always knew it wasn't enough.

Their life wasn't ideal, but they were happy. They did everything together. Then the Bardolino threat reared its ugly head. Their past caught up to them and he reached out to the one person he knew could and would help. Emily. Then nothing was the same. Vince died, James was injured and woke up pained with grief and injuries that altered who he was. He had no control over his life anymore. One minute they were fine and happy, Emily included. Then it was all gone. It wasn't a conscious choice, but the timing allowed for the connection to be drawn. Emily came back into their life and Vince was taken. Life changed. She was tied to those events, and all he knew was that he was an out of control, different person with a son who preferred his mother. Life was spiraling.

Neither of them was at the point where they understood the other yet. It would take time.

The time apart also made things a little lonelier for both. It didn't help that Emily still wasn't really talking with Hotch. Emily didn't know what to do about Hotch, and the same could be said for Hotch about her. But their paths were doomed to cross eventually. Two people who shared so much personal space were bound to fail at minimal contact.

The team lucked out. For the week, most of their caseload was just consults except for one local case that called for their presence. It kept them close to their family and friends, which was always a bonus. They all couldn't help but notice that their unit chief had been a bit… off since his son's party.

It was hard to hide things from profilers, especially when it was making him frustrated.

"What's on your mind, Hotch?" Derek finally gave in and asked.

"What?"

"Hotch, man, come on. You've had something up your ass all week. The whole team has noticed. You've barely come out of this office and everything is setting you off. I thought it was my job to be hot headed."

"I haven't been –" The look on Derek's face stopped him from continuing. "Ok. I apologize. I have had something that has been bothering me, but it's nothing to worry about. I'm taking care of it."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"I can sic Rossi on you, you know."

Hotch rose an eyebrow. "Morgan, I think we're done here. I apologize, and I will apologize to the rest of the team as well, but I don't want to talk about it now."

"Alright. I get it, but whatever's eating you, deal with it."

"Yes, boss," Hotch joked.

When Derek shared the encounter with the team, Dave felt compelled to follow up. He sensed something fishy with two of his friends the moment they emerged from that basement, and it was time to get to the bottom of it. Though, work wasn't the best place to do that.

It was time to scheme because he was sure something was up, and he wanted to test his theory. He recruited JJ for the plan thinking she might know something. He knew Penelope was involved somehow, but decided it was best not to tap that source just yet.

Anyhow, it was time for a family game night at Casa de Rossi.

"I'll get in touch with Emily tonight," Dave told JJ as they wrapped up their planning. "Hopefully this weekend works."

"Hopefully," JJ agreed. "I don't know how much longer I can deal with two mopey friends."

Hotch and Emily, of course, would argue that they weren't mopey. They weren't. They were just contemplating and confused. Maybe that came off as mopey, but neither was well-equipped for their situation. Hotch had been married for years, and all other relationships he had, mainly Beth and a date here or there wasn't great experience for dealing with weird friend entanglements. And Emily wasn't fairing any better. Clearly, she hadn't had much luck with relationships. A terrorist, teenage romances that led to points in her life that were real lows for her, dates that were just dates and a scattered boyfriend here or there.

Having confusing feelings for one of your closest friends who happened to be helping you to understand how to parent and navigate this new world… Never been there before. Neither of them had.

It was a mess, but they would still argue that they weren't mopey. Didn't mean they wouldn't be.

But avoidance wasn't the answer. Though, neither knew how to stop it.

Hotch was trying, somewhat. He would text Emily, initiating conversation, and she would text back usually. But his texts were typically kid related, and he never really attempted to call. He could have easily walked to her apartment and met her face to face. Hard to avoid someone then. He couldn't do it. He didn't know why she was avoiding him the way she was, but if this was all about the kiss, then he got all the answer he needed. He didn't need to think on it or his feelings when she was making hers clear.

Problem was that wasn't her reason for avoiding. Really, it was fear. Fear was a real problem for both, and they weren't handling it well. She was afraid that whatever choices they made for their own lives would end up hurting the boys. Because of that, her feelings were even more confusing. Her mind and heart were at a disconnect and her gut wasn't giving any input.

Life had plans for them, though, life and their friends. Life just happened to intervene first.

Friday was the town league's spring sports sign up. Nate expressed interest in playing baseball and, since Emily, James, and Dr. Garland all agreed that more opportunities for social interaction would be good for him, they were going to sign him up for little league.

Baseball wasn't the only sport doing registration that day which was why Emily decided to go as early as possible hoping Hotch wouldn't be out of work and she could miss him completely rather than be forced to start a conversation she didn't know how to have… or, in actuality, she hadn't figured out how she wanted it to play out yet. Still… hadn't figured it out. Perhaps that bothered her most. There were few things that kept her so befuddled.

Things had to come to a head at some point. Apparently, that was tonight.

Emily dropped Nate off at James' for their weekend early in the hopes that she could beat the registration crowd and rush through it without having Nate tag along. He would want to play and talk, and she wanted it to be an in and out type thing. She scarified the extra hour or two with him, reluctantly, but it was for the best.

Hotch was thinking along the same lines. Jack had plans with his friend for the night, sleeping over at his buddy's. Jack went there straight from school and, once it was clear that they were having a slow day at the office, he decided to just go get the registration done. Jack wanted to play soccer again and he learned it was always easier to do the registration on the first day. The second day was more crowded and way too hectic for his tastes.

When he arrived at the town's recreation center where registration was held, there were a few more cars there than he was anticipating. Still, he knew it'd go quickly. He grabbed his folder full of Jack's information and documents that the city required and headed in.

At first, they didn't notice each other. Hotch went to the left toward the room with the soccer sign. Emily went right to the room marked with the baseball sign. They walked the same hall just seconds apart. In each room, they waited in the line, bored.

Emily, feeling like, despite her confusion and trepidation, she should still be a friend, sent Hotch a text reminder that registration was tonight. Hotch was actually happy that she initiated any communication and replied, "Thanks. I'm already there."

That caused her to stand up a little straighter and look around the room. Logically she knew he wouldn't be in there specifically, but he was around, and that was enough to get her nerves firing.

"It's no big deal," she told herself. "It's just Hotch. You love Hotch. Like! You _like_ Hotch," she corrected, internally hissing. Even her self-talk was jumbled. "What is wrong with me?"

"Ma'am are you ok?"

"What?" she turned to face the person speaking.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Fine. Sorry," she said, moving forward. She was holding up the line. It was her turn.

She handed over the completed paperwork, the medical records that showed Nate was up to date, and a copy of his birth certificate.

"You're all set," the man told her. "You'll get an email with team assignment and practice and game schedule in the next week. Here's a list of equipment that he'll need." He handed her a folder with several pieces of paper in it. "Just sign that last slip and bring it with you to the first meeting. All the information you'll need is in there."

"Thanks."

Emily offered a kind smile as the man politely dismissed her. She dawdled a bit, unsure whether she should stick around or make a run for it. Ultimately, Hotch had the same question and decided on the former. He wanted to run into her, and it happened.

He was waiting in the hall, checking his phone when he heard the other door open. His eyes immediately drew up. Emily was walking out of the room, eyes glued to her phone, about to walk into a column.

"Careful," he called out, running to her side, getting to her just as she was about to collide.

"Crap," she muttered.

"Emily, you should really watch where you're walking," Hotch said, hand on each of her arms.

"Yeah," she responded, a little dazed. "Thanks."

"You ok?"

"Fine."

She hadn't met his eyes.

"Can you look at me?"

She did.

"It's good to see you… You know, outside of the little picture that comes up on my phone when you text."

"You too…" she said. "I'm sorry about that."

"You've been avoiding me."

"I haven't."

"You have," he insisted.

"I have," she admitted, looking away. "I think you can let go now. I'm ok."

"If I do, are you going to run?"

"I'm not five. I'm not going to run."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes."

He let go, and, true to her word, she didn't run. He relaxed.

Hotch asked, "How've you been?"

"I've been ok. Good. You?"

"I've been well. Kind of confused, though. See, I'm not really sure what I did that caused my friend to practically cut me out of her life."

"Yeah…Well, she's kind of confused too."

"Em," he said, taking a step closer. She took a step back in response. "I'm sorry… If this is about the kiss…"

"It's not," she answered quickly. "Well, not completely."

"Then what is it about?"

"It's about… At the party, Jessica and I talked, and what she said really made sense to me. It got to me… And I think that what we're doing… It's not right. We… No matter what we might feel or what that kiss could have meant… We can't do anything about it."

"What did she say, Emily?"

"I… It's not important. The point is, she was right, and we need to stop spending so much time together. I know I've been a terrible friend, and I shouldn't have avoided you, but… It was what I needed. I'm sorry."

"Can we talk?" he looked around. Other parents were flocking around. "Somewhere private. At home?"

"Is it necessary?"

"Yes. If you really are sorry for avoiding me, then yes."

"Fine. My place in an hour?"

"An hour," he agreed, watching her walk away, her face flushed as the other parents watched them.

He practically ran out with her. They didn't want to be in the league gossip.


	49. Trouble in Paradise

**Chapter 49: Trouble in Paradise**

Emily took her time getting to the apartment. It allowed her to clear her head before they planned to talk. She was still, and probably would continue to be, conflicted. She wanted Hotch in her life and she wanted to be in his, but maybe that was the wrong thing to do. Her heart was saying jump… jump into the relationship, jump into the kiss, jump into more…. But her mind was telling her it was wrong. They worked as they were and more would ruin things.

Anyway, she owed it to him to at least talk with him. It was only fair. He didn't actually do anything wrong. She was just acting immature by avoiding him instead of facing her questions head on.

Hotch was ready. Though, he was curious what exactly Emily was talking about. What did Jessica say to Emily? He was debating whether to just call Jessica and ask her but determined he should wait and hear what Emily had to say first. He really didn't want to be upset with Jessica, but something told him he would be.

He beat her to the building, he noticed, checking the assigned spot for her car. Hoping she was going to be there, he sighed and went to his apartment to put the files away, change, and meet her. Exactly an hour after they agreed to meet, he stood outside her door, ready to knock. One deep breath and then his fist tapped on the door.

"Come in," she yelled, knowing it was him.

"Emily," he called out.

"Kitchen."

He headed on in, finding her pulling plates out of the cabinet.

"Hello again," he said.

"Hi. I got dinner. Thought we could eat… and talk."

"Sounds good," Hotch stated. "Need help?"

"Grab the glasses, please," she replied.

He grabbed the glasses, she grabbed the last of the utensils, and the two sat across from each other at the table. They passed the food around and made their plates like it was any regular dinner, but it wasn't.

"You got my favorite."

"Of course, Hotch. I get my favorite, you get yours, and we always end up sharing. That's how it works."

"Thought maybe you forgot. It has been a while since we sat down to a meal together."

"Not that long," Emily said, rolling her eyes.

"So… Emily…"

"Hotch…"

"Don't do that. Talk to me. What has this week been about? If it really is about the kiss…"

"I told you it wasn't… not completely."

"Then I guess I just don't understand. Above anything else, we're family. Jack and I missed you and Nate. So… I just want to know what's going on and deal with it. If it's about the kiss… We can forget it ever happened if –"

"No," she quickly responded.

"No?"

"I don't want to forget it happened."

"I don't either," he replied, smile on his face. He didn't know what made that moment the moment he chose to kiss her, but something compelled him to do it.

They were skirting the line of domesticity and romance for weeks now, if not longer, and they hadn't realized it. The time they were incommunicado over the last week made him reflect on that, on her.

"I don't want to give you the wrong idea," Emily said, "That kiss was… It was nice… Unexpected but… Yeah… It wasn't… I just… I don't think we should do it again."

"See now… Those two things – a good kiss and never wanting to do it again – very conflicting."

"Don't joke… This is hard enough."

He was smiling. It was funny to see her so uncomfortable in such a familiar and comfortable situation, but it wasn't actually funny. She wasn't saying what he was hoping she would. She wasn't even saying what she wanted. She was thinking too much with logic and ignoring everything else.

"Why does it have to be hard? If…" he cleared his throat. "If the kiss is the problem, meaning I stepped out of line, then I'm sorry. Truly. The last thing I want is for things to be awkward between us. Our whole team has been close for years, but I think our relationship – our _friendship_ – has deepened and become stronger since you came back with Nate."

"It has," she agreed. "You were there for me, and I hope I was there for you even a fraction of that."

"You were. Which brings us here. I don't want to ruin that because of one kiss that we could easily chalk up to the situation if that's what you want. Events made it happen, but it doesn't have to be more…" But maybe he wanted it to? Maybe she did too? That was still up for some debate. "Is that what you want?" he fished.

"I… I don't think it matters what we may or may not want."

That was a non-answer.

"It does. That's what all of this is about. We figure out what we want for us and for our families and we live out life."

"No," she said. "What matters is what we're doing to our boys. Nate and Jack need us to be their parents."

"We are Emily. They aren't involved in what we do personally. At least, they're not directly involved in what we choose to do."

"But aren't they?" she asked. "I mean, no, you're right. They're not _involved_, involved. Not in the sense that they are in the romance… If there was any. But they are a part of it. The biggest part. I know every decision you make is with Jack in mind. And I do that for Nate too."

"Right. We choose things with their needs and wants in mind, but we are also adults who need to make life decisions based on those needs and our own as well."

"I suppose, yes, but… What are we doing here, Hotch?"

"Talking?" he said, confused.

She shook her head. "You know what I'm asking. These past few months, you've helped me create a home and life for Nate. Along the way, we've come to rely on each other. In some ways, we've been co-parenting. Nate knows he can go to you and Jack knows he can come to me."

"I don't see the problem with that. Both of our kids have a handful of people other than their parents to love them and provide a little extra support. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, in theory."

"In reality?"

"Is it fair for us to do this to them?"

He looked at her waiting for her to continue. He needed her to explain because he didn't get it.

"It has been pointed out to me that we're giving them the wrong idea."

"How's that?"

"Those boys love us… We've made them so comfortable with our arrangement that they tried to set us up when they thought I was dating someone else."

"That was a bad choice on their part, but we both talked to them and they understand that they can't get involved like that again."

"But the point was that they felt threatened. We created a situation for them where any outsider feels like a threat to their stability. I count on you to work through decisions I need to make, and I think you count on me too."

"I do."

"Well, they know that. We've set up a stable family unit for them. Hell, we lived together and now we live in the same building. It's like… It has been like… like we've been together. To them, at least."

"Ok…" He wasn't going to argue that. It was true.

"You don't see a problem with that?"

"No. I don't. Jack hasn't had a mother in his life for years now. While you're not his mother, you have been there for him and taken on a maternal role for him lately. Maybe we didn't intend for that, but it's certainly not hurting him. I couldn't have asked for a more caring and nurturing person to be there for him. I may have taken that paternal role on for Nate while James was in recovery. We gave them what they needed. I see nothing wrong with any of it."

"Ok then, hypothetically speaking, we continue on like this. Ignoring the kiss, ignoring what that could mean, we just go on exactly as we have been…"

"Friends you mean?"

"Friends, but more… Then one day, you meet a nice woman, date her, decide to marry her. Then what?"

"Then I'm married," he plainly stated.

"Hotch…" she admonished.

"Just say your point, Emily."

"Ok… You'd be married, and the entire foundation would crack and shift for both our boys. The same thing if it was me and some guy."

"We are their foundation, no matter who else comes in our lives."

He also didn't want to think about her marrying someone.

"You know that's not true. Do you honestly think that any woman would be ok with another woman in her husband's life that isn't her stepchild's mother?"

"She would know what she's getting in to."

"Hotch, I know I haven't been married before, but I am a woman, and, let me tell you, whether prone to jealousy or not, no woman wants her man to be involved with another woman like that. Not at all."

"Fine. I guess no man really wants that either but being with someone else doesn't completely change our friendship and the situation we set up."

"It does. You know it does. It's not fair for us to put them in that predicament, not the boys or any significant others. We have lives, and I don't want them to lose out on having both of us, but we can't keep being so interconnected because there's going to come a point when we can't be anymore, and I don't want it to be a shock for them."

"I understand what you're saying Emily, but this is all hypothetical, and, presumably, they'd be old enough to realize that just because new people are coming into our lives doesn't mean that we aren't still a part of theirs."

"It's more than that."

"Then tell me."

"We're sending them signals," she said. "We're telling the boys that we're a family and that we could be a _family_. We're giving them this false sense of reality that could be shattered at any moment. That's… I've realized the four of us spend just about as much time together as we do apart, and that includes sleeping hours."

"You don't like spending time with us?" Hotch asked, hurt.

"I love it," she quickly responded. "But I'm thinking about the future and how things will change, and I don't know how they'll react or how I'll react and… And it's best that we figure that out now, slowly introduce the change, than have to deal with a big fallout or letdown in the future."

Hotch ran his hand through his hair. "Emily… What you're saying has merit, but it also has some issues."

"What issues?"

"We don't live in the future. We don't know what's going to happen, and in a few years, both Jack and Nate are going to be teenagers and want absolutely nothing to do with us. I don't think that's going to be the problem you think it is."

"Maybe."

"And, really, what we need to consider first and foremost is what we want."

"What we want?"

"I don't know where these thoughts came from, Emily or who put it in your head, but our kids are bonded. Whether we personally never talked again, Jack knows he could still go to you and, I imagine he and Nate would still spend just as much time together as they do now. I also hope Nate would be able to come talk to me. So, I don't think we need to worry about that."

_But I do, _Emily thought.

"So, what I'm saying is that… Well, we need to figure out what we want from each other, and everything else will work itself out."

"I wish I was so sure of that…"

"Are you unsure of what you want?" he asked.

"Are you sure of what you want?" she offered in rebuttal.

"No… But I do know that it was a good kiss and I felt something," he answered honestly.

She felt it too.

"Why did you kiss me?" she asked. "Was it because you wanted to, or was it just the situation that our sons created?"

"I don't know."

"Had you thought about it before?"

He countered, "Have you?"

"I… Yes. I thought about it," she answered, blushing. "I thought about what it would be like to…" she didn't finish the thought. "I thought about it."

"Me too."

"But did you mean it in that moment or was it just a reaction?"

"Are you asking if I regret it?"

"Do you?"

"I do if it ruins our friendship."

"It's not going to…"

"Sure feels like it has, Emily. You've been avoiding me."

"I've been stupid. I needed time to process. I didn't know what to say or how to feel. I still don't. I'm still confused. I'm not good at these things… the personal things. I just… Things don't need to change completely."

"But you want them to change?"

"I think that we need to start separating from each other. We're friends. We're family, but we can't keep being so interconnected. I think it's best that we start setting boundaries between us."

"You can't mean that."

"I do… I have to."

"Why? Why is this suddenly a problem? What has changed?"

"We have, Hotch. Don't you see? We're creating a problem. We're sending signals to the world that we're taken, sending mixed signals to the boys that we will always be this way. It's a mess, and we can't do that to them."

Hotch heard what she was saying but could also tell that she didn't completely believe it.

She didn't. She was conflicted with what she was saying. It made sense, but it didn't feel right. Nothing about this felt right. _Damn Jessica,_ she thought. _Thanks a lot for pointing out something that didn't need pointing out. _

"Where did this come from? Was it Jessica? Did she say something about us at Jack's party?"

"It doesn't matter where it came from. There is no us, Hotch. There can't be. At least not unless we're sure. We both admitted that we're not. It doesn't matter if we want it, we can't have it. It's not fair if we even try. That's something that we need to accept."

Her words were a bit hurried, as if she needed to get them out quickly as not to change her mind. She was unsure about all of it, but she was steadfast in her belief that she needed to put this out there. What Jessica said wasn't wrong, and they had to make changes if they didn't want to confuse and hurt the boys unintentionally later.

They needed to be sure they wanted to take the step if they were ever to take it. Right now they weren't.

Hotch tried to reason with her and tried to understand her point of view a little better, but he was more confused now than when the conversation started. Emily made it clear that she didn't want their friendship to change, but she was drawing lines in the sand that did just that. The boys could spend time together, she said, but they had to limit their dinners together. They had become an almost daily thing and she said that it would be better to make it once or twice a week.

"They're not going to be happy about that."

"We're the parents Hotch."

"Yes, and they're best friends. Seems a shame that we're trying to separate them."

"That's not what we're doing."

"Isn't it though?" Hotch stood up. He heard enough and didn't want to put any more restrictions on their sons' friendship or their lives. "I think I'm going to head home. Thanks for dinner, Emily."

He didn't offer to stay and clean up like he normally would. He didn't hug her goodbye. He didn't even wave. He simply took off, leaving a hurt Emily behind. Of course, the mess was of her making, but that didn't make it any easier for her or him.

Hotch, naturally, was upset. The conversation was not at all what he expected, not that he knew what to expect. He didn't, he just knew what he didn't expect. Did he want to date Emily? Maybe. He wasn't sure. Sure, he found her attractive and they got on well, but there were a lot of risks involved that could potentially damage their friendship if things went wrong. There was evidence of that already. Still, they did kiss, and he wanted the two of them to be able to talk as adults and discuss their feelings, whatever they may have been.

They could have explored what it meant together. A part of him understood her fear. Motherhood was new to her and she was worried she'd hurt Nate or the boys. He just wished he could have communicated better how they could've avoided that.

Something changed. Something changed other than the kiss, and he was sure now that it had something to do with Jessica and whatever they talked about. It had to be that because he knew Emily, and he knew that if it was just about the kiss and she had a problem with his overture, she would have had no problem telling him.

So he confronted Jessica.

As soon as he got to his apartment, he called her up and asked what she said to Emily.

"What did she tell you?" Jessica asked.

"Nothing. That's why I'm asking you."

"I only said what I thought she needed to hear."

"What did you say Jessica?"

"Aaron, why is it a big deal? We're two women who had a conversation. It's none of your business what was said."

"It is when it affects my life. What did you say to her?"

Hotch became frustrated when she reiterated the conversation between her and Emily. It wasn't that what she said was particularly rude or bad, but that it was none of her business and she hit on some of Emily's insecurities. Hearing Jessica tell her side after hearing what Emily said when they talked, he could see how Emily absorbed all Jessica said. She fed into Emily's fears and it wasn't ok with him. Not to mention, Jessica said that she brought up Haley and someone taking over the mother role. While he understood where she was coming from with that, it was up to him to decide who might take that role and how that happened. Not her…

"Why did you have to say anything, Jessica? Emily is a good woman. Jack and I would be lucky to have her in our lives in whatever capacity. You know that, too. Why bring it up? Why bring any of that up?"

"I was upset with the situation, Aaron. I'm sorry," she said. "Look. I just thought she needed to hear it. She was sending out clear signs. I saw one of the other parents throw himself at her and she didn't even realize it was happening. I didn't want her to give you or Jack the wrong idea, and I didn't want her to miss out on things because she was so wrapped up in whatever is going on with you two."

"I can handle myself and I'd hope you would trust me enough to believe I'd take care of my son, Jessica."

"I do."

"Then stay out of my business."

"You really do like her, don't you?"

"Stay out of it, Jessica. You don't get to make life choices for me, and if you feel like you have to say something about my relationships or the way I choose to raise my son, say it to me, not to my friends. I have to go."

He hung up, still fuming, though now less at Jessica and just more pent up emotion transformed into anger and frustration. Jessica was being Haley's sister, sticking her nose in his business for Jack's sake, but she didn't need to. She had never done it quite like that before, and she always trusted him to raise Jack right. He had to wonder why it was different this time.

The point was, she interfered and now Emily was trying to change everything in ways that he didn't agree with. She was scared, he could see, and that wasn't something often associated with Emily. _She's just being a protective mother,_ he thought, _overprotective. _He worried about what it all meant.

Talking to her clearly wasn't going to work right now, so he decided he'd play along. He didn't think she'd like the outcome any more than he would. It was his turn to stay away and give her what she wanted. He just wished he knew what she was truly feeling.

For both, it was a long, lonely rest of the night. Emily cleaned up the apartment and did some angry grading. She was sure she was a little too harsh and some of her students would complain, but her work was done by the time she went to bed.

Hotch busied himself with overdue laundry and repacking his go bag.

They made it through the night, but it wasn't easy. They had a lot on their minds, and that didn't disappear. Hotch thought about asking Emily if she wanted a ride to Rossi's. He knew she was going. Emily thought about asking him the same thing.

Neither did.

Instead they drove separately, Emily arriving last of the bunch, Hotch first. The game night was already a cocktail hour in by the time Emily arrived apologizing profusely.

"I'm sorry I'm late guys. I had to stop and drop something off for Nate," she lied. "But I'm here now, and by the looks of those glasses, I have a little catching up to do."

"Welcome," Dave said. "What can I get you?"

"Surprise me," she said, thanking him and taking a seat between JJ and Penelope, immediately jumping into conversation with the group.

Hotch, she noticed, got up and followed Dave out as soon as she sat down. She tried not to think of it too much. Instead, she threw herself into the group, engaging and asking questions, putting the attention on them, and listening intently.

"Where's Will?" Emily asked JJ.

"Oh, he's at home with the kids. He had to work most nights this week, so he didn't get to see much of them and wanted to spend some alone time with them."

"That's nice. We should get together some time. I know Nate would like to spend some time with Henry."

"That would be great. Maybe Jack would like to come too," JJ threw out there, watching Emily's reaction. "And Hotch."

"Yeah… Absolutely," Emily agreed, her tone not betraying the emotion she was concealing. She was hoping to limit their interactions, but the team didn't know that.

"We'll set that up," JJ said, not allowing Emily to wiggle out of it.

They continued talking until Hotch and Dave returned. Dave handed Emily her glass.

"Drink up," he said. "Then the games can begin."

Their game nights had one of two paths. If the kids were around, it was board games, scrabble, charades, and Pictionary. When they weren't around, it was a completely different game of charades for a few rounds, free flowing alcohol, and then poker night. That night was adults only. Rossi game night was just an excuse to gamble, gossip, and grub. It didn't hurt that Dave's cooking was hard not to like and always around in abundance. It was gluttonous, but it was always fun.

The first round of charades was won by the girls. They easily took over the category and breezed through their cards. Deciding to switch it up, everyone randomly paired up by drawing a name out of a hat. Spencer got Penelope who insisted that Dave also be on their team because, for all his smarts, Spencer was a terrible charades player, JJ got Derek, and that left Emily and Hotch… Coincidence or not, they would never know.

Emily and Hotch won each round. That wasn't exactly surprising. They were both competitive, though not sore losers. Still, it was surprising because they weren't really trying. They were barely putting in any effort and barely interacting with each other. That was clear to everyone else, who often shared looks while it was their turn.

"Why don't we move along to poker?" Dave suggested. "I'm tired of losing to those two."

"Poker, yes please," Emily said.

"Maybe we should pick a game that doesn't give Spence and Emily an unfair advantage," JJ moaned.

"I'm better than Emily at poker," Spencer said. "I can count cards."

"Which is why we change decks every two hands, Spence. And she has still beaten you before, so don't go tooting your own horn too loudly boy genius," Penelope responded.

"She's right. Can we play something the rest of us have a chance at winning for once?" Derek agreed.

"Let's think on games over some food. I made desserts. Everyone to the kitchen," Dave directed.

"Oh," Emily perked. "Did you make any of those little chocolate things that I like so much?"

"Of course."

"Dibbs…. On all of them," Emily said.

"No way," Spencer replied, running ahead. "Those are my favorite too."

Everyone started heading toward the kitchen, but as Emily was making her way there, a hand grasped her arm and stopped her.

"Pen? What's up?" Emily asked.

"Just wanted to see how you were. You look a little…"

"A little what?"

"Off."

"Wow, thanks," Emily snarked.

"You and Hotch were a little… weird. What's going on with that?" Penelope cut right to the chase.

Emily narrowed her eyes. "You mean after you conspired to get us together?"

Penelope gasped and feigned shock. "How dare you? I'd never…"

"Never not do that?" Emily countered. Not waiting for an answer, Emily continued, "I thought you wanted me to go out with Scott. Why bring Hotch into it?"

"Well, it wasn't so much that I wanted you with Scott, though he'd be a fine choice. I just wanted you to have some fun, find someone that could make you happy… warm your bed."

"First of all, I don't need a man to make me happy, and my bed doesn't need warming."

"Doesn't it though?"

"No… Maybe." She'd admit that sometimes she felt lonely. Not so much in the past few months because her days and nights were full of Nate, work, and Hotchner boys, but she still wanted that companionship like most people do. "I'll make you a deal."

"I'm listening," Penelope perked.

"If you don't conspire with my kid or set me up on any blind dates, I will keep the dating profile and go on at least one date… of my choosing."

"Really?!"

"Yes."

"Oh this makes me giddy with excitement."

"I can see that."

"You've finally given in to my powers… But wait…" she stopped her celebration. "What does that mean for Hotch?"

"What do you mean what does it mean?"

"Didn't you guys have a good time? I was sure you would. I helped the boys set up one hell of an event. You had to have a nice date."

"It wasn't a date, Pen. It was another set up. It made things awkward between Hotch and I. He doesn't have feelings for me, and I don't have any for him."

"Well you two have been awkward, I agree, but that last part's a lie if I've ever heard one."

"What?"

"Even if not romantic, you two have feelings for each other. It's clear to everyone that something happened on that non-date," she added air quotes. "You've both been awkward since. I mean, I don't know how you were an undercover superspy. For two people who know how to keep secrets like champs and can compartmentalize like your life depended on it, you sure can't hide that there's something happening."

"There's not."

"There is," she insisted. "And now I'm guessing that the bigger problem is that the two of you are both blind idiots."

"Excuse me?"

"Date if you want to. That would make me happy because you're finally doing something for yourself and getting out there. But don't lie to yourself or use this as an excuse to ignore things. You and Hotch feel things, but choose not to talk about it. Don't make this a game of cat and mouse."

"What?" Emily asked again. This conversation took a turn she was not expecting. "There's no game."

"I think teaching has dulled your spidey senses," Penelope grumbled.

"Really?" Emily skeptically asked. "Pen… Come on."

"Really. Em, use your head."

Penelope huffed away, facepalming and muttering about her hard work going to waste and disappointed little boys. Emily called after her, but Penelope didn't respond. Based on what she learned from Jack and Nate and from her brief cyber communication with Scott, it was clear to her that Emily spent a lot of time thinking about and talking about Hotch and Jack.

Those two idiots were the only ones who didn't see it… Or maybe Emily was the only one blind to it.

_Hmm_, Penelope thought. _Maybe it was time for her to play a little double agent. _

It was time for her to find Hotch and get his take on things… Then take action… If action was necessary. _Now_, she thought, _how do I get Hotch alone?_

A lightbulb went off.

"Hotch?!" she yelled.

He came running.

"What's going on?"

"I have something for you," she said, a wicked smile on her lips.

She was the only one in the group that wasn't a profiler, but she could read a room and she could read her friends well enough to know people's emotions.

Now she had a plan. One she was sure would get Emily's emotions riled up just as much as Hotch's… Then nature would take its course whether that meant happiness for them together, or knowing they'd find it best while apart…


	50. Forward

**Chapter 50: Forward**

"Why do I feel like I'm not going to like where this is heading?" Hotch asked Penelope.

She was up to something. Meddling, he was sure, just like she had been with the boys, and he didn't like how that turned out, so he wasn't sure he wanted to even let this one play out, but he'd give her a chance.

Penelope gave him a diabolical smile and asked, "How do you feel about internet dating?"

The look he gave her said it all, yet she managed to get him to agree to it. He wasn't really into the staged meeting, swiping, or reading profiles that were probably faked just to see if two people might work for a date. That was all it would probably be – just one date.

"Come on. You'll like it. Emily's doing it," she said, knowing that would pique his interest.

She was right. That was all it took. Hook, line, and sinker. His posture shifted, and he was suddenly much more involved in the conversation.

"Emily's doing it?"

He knew about Garcia setting her up. He did not know that she was choosing to actually take part in it now…

"Yup. She's all set up to use it now without my help. Soon, you could be too."

"You've already sold me, Penelope," Hotch said, a tone in his voice she didn't quite recognize. He couldn't believe he was saying yes to this, but if Emily was doing it, then so was he.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh yay! I did?"

"You did. Don't overdo it."

"Wonderful. I'll be at your place tomorrow and we'll put this thing together."

"That quickly?"

"Why waste time? Besides, I already have a profile made, just need to make it active," she said and left on that note as to not give him a chance to change his mind.

"What did I get myself in to?" he asked the empty hall.

He was already feeling like it was a mistake, but there was no turning back now. Penelope had him in a verbal contract and, if he backed out, she'd give him hell. Shaking off the feeling of dread, he headed back toward the kitchen where everyone was hanging out.

When he walked in, the group was scattered. Spencer and Derek were conversing over a plate of snacks. Dave was at the oven pulling out some food. Penelope was off doing who knew what, and JJ was with Emily, looking at something on her phone.

He moved closer to them, thinking that was his best bet for conversation and he hoped that by inserting himself there, Emily would try to treat him more normally. He really wanted things to be ok between them. She wanted the same, but she was also determined to prove Penelope wrong about her feelings.

"Do you think he's cute?" Hotch heard Emily ask JJ, showing her the picture.

"He's adorable," JJ replied.

"Really?"

"You don't think so?"

Emily scrunched her nose.

"Well, what are you looking for?" JJ asked.

"I don't know. I guess someone stable, good job, ok with kids…"

"And looks?"

"I don't really have a preference."

"Yes you do."

"No…"

"Every guy you've dated had brown hair, except for maybe Clyde and it's unclear to this day what your relationship with him actually is or was."

"Friends," Emily stated.

"Right, but friends like you and I are friends or friends like you and Hotch are _friends_?"

"JJ…"

"Emily…"

"The latter," Emily gave in, a slight flush to her cheeks. "But still a friendship," she made clear.

"Sure. Sure." JJ pointed to the screen. "He's cute though. Not your type."

"I'm starting to think no one is my type," Emily said.

Hotch heard enough and not wanting them to go into other topics, he spoke up. "What are you guys up to over here?"

"Just chatting. Emily's dating."

"Oh," he said, eyes widening. "You are?"

"No… Kind of," Emily replied.

"Me too," he said.

"Really?"

JJ became a bystander to their back and forth. Emily asked about his date and he asked about hers. Neither was forthcoming or comfortable with the situation. It got to the point where JJ excused herself to let them keep up their talk without her. She didn't want to watch her friends do whatever dance they were doing. It felt intrusive, voyeuristic. Their foreplay wasn't fun for anyone, even them.

"So, Garcia got to you too?" Emily said when it was just the two of them.

"Yes."

"I think… I think this will be good for us."

"In what way?"

"We'll get out there. Who knows, maybe we'll find the right people for us."

"Maybe," he agreed.

_Or maybe we'll learn what we have right in front of us is real…_ They both thought it, though neither was in a place to accept it.

"I'm… happy for you."

"Say it like you mean it," he told her.

"I really am. I think this is what we need. We need to do normal adult things and have normal adult relationships. I'll… I'll date and you'll date and it will be… good."

It sounded forced to both their ears.

"Good," he said. "If you ever need a babysitter, I'm your man."

"Same goes for you."

"And if a date goes wrong or you need an out," Hotch started.

"I know the man to call, and you know the woman."

"But if a date goes well… I don't really want to know about it."

"Hotch…"

"You don't want to hear about it from me either, do you?"

"If you're happy… Yeah."

His eyes narrowed, but he took it in stride.

"You're lying. But, ok."

"Ok," she parroted, a tension brewing between them again.

"Ok non-lovebirds, dessert is ready, and the queen wants to eat, so quit the canoodling and come eat so we can get playing."

Saved by the queen…

"I guess we've been summoned."

"I guess so," Hotch agreed.

He held his hand out to help her up, which she accepted and thanked him for. As they went to join the others, he quietly said, "He's not the one."

She knew what he was referring to, and she knew he was right, but that just made her want to search for someone who could be. He wanted the same thing. Though he still wanted to have an honest and open conversation with Emily about their feelings and work through whatever came out of that kiss – whether it was determining that it was a one-time thing or discussing how to proceed – she didn't seem to want that. While he was all for pursuing wants and dreams, when a woman said no, that meant no. He wasn't going to force her to do anything.

They were both a little too out of touch with their emotional side, and considered that, maybe, getting out there, experiencing normal adult things like dating, and getting out of their little bubble, would reveal exactly what they were feeling. They'd either find something great or see just what had always been in front of them.

He gave her some space even when they were together. Neither forced conversation, but they didn't ignore each other either. Not for the rest of the night or the following days either. They truly meant it when they said they didn't want to lose their friendship.

No matter what, they meant a lot to each other.

That was why, come the end of the night, Hotch reverted back to his complete gentlemanly persona.

"His drinks are strong, huh?" Hotch asked Emily.

"What?"

"You drank one of Reid's cocktails."

"Oh. Yeah. I did. Packed quite the punch."

"Do you want a ride home?"

"But… My car."

"I can take you back here in the morning to get it."

"Didn't you drink, too?"

"Not for the last two hours and only one drink before that. I also said absolutely not to one of Reid's creations. I learned that lesson. Like a science experiment gone wrong. It wasn't pretty."

"I bet."

"So, ride?"

"Yes, please."

By that point, late at night, half the team was passed out. Garcia, Reid, and Derek were cuddled up on the couch together, the two men on either side while Penelope was sprawled out over them. JJ took off, heading home to her family. Dave had turned in, telling everyone they were more than welcome to stay and even continue to have fun, but he was an old man and needed to get to bed.

That left the two of them. Hotch was careful to lock up as they left, making sure Emily got into the care safely. His experience taught him that Reid's concoctions often hit unexpectedly. They went down smooth and sweet, tasting more like juice than alcohol, but there was a deceivingly high alcohol content that snuck up on a person and pulled them in.

"Things are a little dizzy," Emily said as she leaned on the car.

"Yeah. That's why you say no when he offers to make drinks."

"Penelope said they were delicious."

"Penelope is passed out on the couch, face down in Derek's lap. She isn't the shining example of what to do in this situation."

"I'm gonna feel this in the morning."

"Most definitely."

"Can you just kill me now? I don't want to wake up tomorrow."

"Come on, Em. Let's get you in the car."

"Thanks," she mumbled as he put a hand over her head, blocking her from hitting it as she got in.

"Buckle," he told her.

Secured, he drove them off. About midway, Emily said she left her purse… "And my coat, but I don't really need that, except my," she made a weird hand gesture, "keys were in there."

"So you have no keys?"

"I can break in."

"Or you can just stay at my place."

"I couldn't."

"You can and should."

"But…"

"Let's not argue," he stopped her thought. "Stay."

"Mmmkay," she sleepily responded. "What do you think Reid put in that drink?"

"Everything," Hotch joked.

"Probably… Everything. It was yummy though. Glad I only had one."

"On top of wine and whatever else Dave made you."

"So true. So much booze. He always has the best selection," she said, slurring her words.

"We're almost home."

She said nothing, her head already lulling to the side, leaning against the window. It didn't take long after that before Hotch heard the soft snores and her calm breaths. He laughed and continued driving.

Getting to the apartment, he found his spot and got out of the car. When he tried to wake her, she wasn't particularly receptive, groaning and saying no.

"A little longer," she mumbled. "I promise I'll get up."

"Of course you're not going to make this easy," Hotch said, unbuckling her.

He tried to wake her once more, but just got more of the same. Finally, he decided to just do what he could. His hand slipped behind her around her waist as he pulled her up out of the car. This woke her enough to get her moving, but she still rested heavily on him.

"We going to bed?" she asked.

"You are, yes. Almost there, alright?"

"Mmhmm," she grumbled, leaning into him.

She rested her head on his shoulder as they went up the elevator to his apartment, and she barely let go when he tried to open the door.

"You're clingy when you've had too much to drink."

"Just 'cause I'm tired, and I miss Nate, and Jack and you."

"Me too, Emily," he said. "Come on. Off to bed. Alright."

"You too?"

"Yes. I'm going to get to bed too. It's late."

"'Kay."

"Do you want to change? I have a shirt and some sleep pants you can use."

"I can sleep in my underwear," she said, way too nonchalantly for his liking.

"No," he responded.

"Ok," she said as he sat her on his bed.

He went to go get her some clothes to change into, but when he turned back around, her jeans were off, and she was laying on his bed half exposed.

"Seriously," he whispered to himself. She was not going to make this easy at all. "So, a no to the pants?"

She shook her head.

"Hotch?"

"Yeah?"

"This isn't my bed," she said.

"No, it's mine."

"Oh… we're sharing?"

"I was going to stay in Jack's room."

"But then I'd feel bad."

"Don't worry about it."

"Stay."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"To talk," she said, laying deeper into the pillows. "We always talk."

"Not tonight. Tonight, you should sleep this off."

"Please?"

Sighing, without much argument, he gave in. He turned the dim light off and quickly put on his sleep pants before getting into bed beside her. They laid side by side like there was an invisible fence between them. There was no touching at all and plenty of space between them.

"I had fun tonight," Emily said, her voice muffled by the pillows as she laid on her side facing away from him.

"Me too, once you stopped acting like it was a pain to be my partner."

"Not a pain," she grumbled, a mix of alcohol and sleep loosening her lips. "Just hard to fight this."

"Fight what?" he asked.

"I need you, Hotch. I need you in my life, and I'm trying so hard not to."

"It's ok to need me. I need you in my life too."

"Not like me," she mumbled, her voice still laced with sleepiness. "I don't like being dependent. Sometimes, with you, it feels like I am. I need to stand on my own for Nate."

"Emily," he said, sitting up. "You're not dependent on anyone. If anything, you're the most independent woman I know, and Nate is learning that same strength."

"Then why do I feel this way?"

"I don't know Emily. What I do know is that you should ignore whatever Jessica said."

Right now, she ignored what he said and told him, "I'm sorry for avoiding you."

"It's ok. We'll move past it."

"Yeah."

"Go to sleep," he told her. "You can barely get a full sentence out."

"Night Hotch."

"Goodnight, Emily."

He took a deep breath and laid back into the bed, waiting for her to fall asleep. Once her breathing slowed and evened out, he pulled the throw blanket off the chair on the other side of the room and threw it over her. She fell asleep over the covers and didn't want her to get cold. After, he got in bed himself, trying to find a comfortable position.

When morning rolled around, he woke to Emily cuddled up beside him, head on his chest and arm draped over him. He slept in a little longer than usual and didn't want to move. He didn't want her to wake up and be embarrassed, so he got up to make some coffee and breakfast before waking Emily. He let her sleep in while he enjoyed his first cup, but laid out a bottle of water and some Ibuprofen in case she was feeling a bit hungover.

Fortunately, Emily managed to drink plenty of water during game night, so though she was tipsy then, her hangover was barely there this morning.

"How are you feeling?" Hotch asked when she came into the kitchen… with pants and a flush to her cheeks.

"Fine."

"Headache?"

"Manageable."

"Food?"

She scrunched her nose.

"Maybe later. What about coffee?"

"Yes please."

He grabbed the other mug, her mug, from the counter and poured.

"Black, one Splenda."

She took a sip and moaned. "Yup. That's the stuff." She took another gulp. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"So… I woke up with no pants on," she shyly said.

"You were very insistent that you were too hot for pants. I tried to get you to change into the sleepwear I had for you, but you weren't having it."

"I don't remember that, but I don't think I drank enough to make me blackout."

"You were half asleep and tipsy."

"I guess. I remember us talking, but for the life of me, I can't remember about what," she honestly told him.

That was disappointing to him. It was a decent conversation. Honest.

"Don't worry about it. I promise you said nothing embarrassing. We just talked."

"About?"

"Nothing really. It was just a normal talk. Like the old days."

"You mean before I turned into a giant baby and ran from things?"

"Yes," he responded.

"I guess I haven't really been myself lately, not completely. It's just… Since Nate has come into my life, I've felt different. There are things I'm afraid of that I've never been afraid of before and there are things that I don't know how to deal with because I don't have the same reckless abandon I may have once had. It's all new even when it's the same."

"Welcome to parenthood," he said, offering an understanding smile.

"So, I'm trying to navigate my weird feelings about everything, and sometimes, it seems, they make me act less like myself."

"I've noticed."

"But one thing I do know is that I don't want things to change between us, not completely."

"But you said…"

"I know what I said, and I was wrong, mostly. We can't rely on each other completely because we both need to be able to stand on our own, and I'm working on that, but that doesn't mean our boys need to be punished because I'm out of sorts."

"So, what are you getting at?"

"I like having dinner with you guys. I like being outnumbered by you guys. I don't want to take that away from them."

"So we can do dinners?"

"Not everyday, but yes. We can do dinners."

"Weekend activities?"

"Of course. We'll take turns going to soccer and baseball games. Nate and I will come watch Jack, you and Jack can come watch Nate."

"Sounds good."

"Things need to change a little, but we shouldn't change everything, and I'm sorry I tried."

"It's already forgiven."

"And I think it's good that you're going to try dating…"

Her voice lacked some conviction, but she did mean it. He wasn't completely thrilled by her sentiments either.

"You deserve to be happy, and it's time we both see what's out there for us," Emily explained. "I meant what I said, too. If you need someone to watch Jack or whatever, I'm your girl."

"Jack's a teen now. I guess I'm going to have to give him some more freedom, but I'm sure we'll both be more comfortable knowing he has you around. Though, I'm sure he'd love another excuse to hang around with you and Nate."

"Speaking of Nate," Emily said, feeling her phone buzz in her pocket. "This is him. Give me a second."

He nodded, and she put the phone to her ear.

"Hi Nate."

"Hi Mom."

"How was your night?"

"It was good. Dad and I ordered food and had ice cream."

"Did you now? I hope there were some veggies in there somewhere."

"Sure," Nate said. "What time are you coming today?"

"Five. Same time as always, Nate."

"But I thought we were going shopping to get my baseball stuff. I need cleats and everything."

"I know you do, and we'll make sure you get everything you need before your practices start. You're all registered and I was told that we'll get your team schedule soon. We can go buy everything next weekend, and, maybe Jack can come too," she looked to Hotch as she spoke. "We can help him get everything he needs for the soccer season. Sound good?"

"Awesome."

"Where's your dad?"

"He's in the shower. We're going to take a walk when he's done."

"Ok. Well, tell Dad I'll talk to him later and have fun, alright? And be careful. I love you Nate. Make sure you don't forget any of your school stuff when I come get you."

"I won't. Love you too."

"Bye, Nate."

"Bye Mom."

Hotch waited for Emily to hang up before speaking, "Inviting us out. That's a big step."

"Shut up. It's not."

"Given the last week, it is."

"If you guys aren't busy, we'd love if you came. I have a whole list of things I need to get him. One of them is a cup, Hotch. How the hell do I know which cup to buy a nine-year-old boy?"

He laughed.

"I think James or I can help you with that. Don't worry."

"I worry. I'm not well-versed in boy things like that. Usually I'm trying to figure out the best way to attack and weaken my male opponents, not trying to protect their family jewels."

"My how times have changed."

"Does Jack have to use one? For soccer?"

"They suggest it as a precaution. Now that he's older and the soccer balls are kicked a little harder, I tell him he should wear it. Just to be safe."

"So… What do I do if he asks how to use it?"

Emily looked at Hotch with an expression that can only be described as horrified. Hotch let out a deep belly laugh. The look was priceless and there was no other natural reaction but to laugh.

"It's not funny," Emily insisted. "I don't know how to do these things."

Her complete panic and lack of knowledge just made it funnier.

"You're mean," she pouted.

"I know. I'm sorry. I really… You should have seen your face."

She rolled her eyes. It was way too funny to Hotch, and she didn't appreciate it. Still wearing a giant smile, Hotch passed her a plate and told her to eat. The pancakes were a little cold, but they would suffice.

"When you're done, I found the key I have to your apartment. You can change and then we can go get your car, and I can be attacked by Garcia."

"That I'd like to see. She's going to smother you with profiles and potential dates."

"That many people aren't going to want to date me."

"Are you kidding? Women will be lining up for the chance."

"We'll see. I'm going to take a quick shower and get ready. Let me know when you want to leave."

She nodded and continued eating while he went to the bathroom. After cleaning up her plate, she followed his lead, took the key, and went to her place to change. She thought about a shower too but decided to hold off. She didn't know Hotch's plans for the day and didn't want to keep him waiting.

Hurrying through her routine, she found a comfortable outfit and quickly changed before heading back to Hotch's. He was already finished with his routine and sitting at the dining table with his tablet reading the news for the day.

"Ready when you are," Emily interrupted.

"One second," he said, finishing up his last sentence of reading before closing the tablet and grabbing his keys.

As they walked to the car, he told her that he let Dave know they were on their way.

"Is everyone still there?"

"Dave said they were still passed out in the same spot. No one moved yet."

"I'll have to grab a picture if they're still like that when we get there… You know, for leverage."

"Sure. Sure."

Emily smiled and got comfortable in the car seat as they took off. Things between them felt better. Conversation was easy like it used to be.

"So, James and I are starting to do the 50/50 custody split soon."

"Really?"

"Yes. We're going to try it next month. Nate will spend Saturday to Friday night with James and I will get him on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons after school. Really, I'm probably just going to be taking him to practice and having dinner with him before bringing him back to James."

"What happens when it's your week? James can't drive. Are you going to take Nate to him?"

"I don't know. I think that's something we're going to have to work out."

"Seems like more work for you."

"For Nate, I don't mind."

"I know. But try to make it work without adding to your full plate."

"I will."

"Good."

Their conversation continued to flow until they got to Dave's. The three weren't awake yet, and Emily did snap a picture before waking them up. Penelope fell to the floor and the boys looked startled.

"Mean," Penelope grumbled.

"Fun," Emily corrected. "Get up. Dave wants his place back."

"Oh, it's tomorrow. Tomorrow's today," Pen said. "Hotch and I get to play!"

She was excited. Emily was less so and, honestly, couldn't get out of there fast enough. She thanked Hotch, said a few quick goodbyes, and was out of there. Hotch and Emily didn't see each other the rest of the day, but things did start to become more routine, excluding their intent search for a romantic partner.

The following weeks were a mess of repairing friendships, starting new relationships, and trying to balance work and kids for Hotch and Emily.

Emily, James, and Nate continued their therapy. The adults did their homework and came up with things they liked and didn't like about each other. Though it made them face some truths and started some issues, it, ultimately, helped them really start to repair their relationship, especially when it helped them get at the root of James' hostility toward Emily. He was insecure about his relationship with Nate. His son was older, different, and he was different too.

"Because she's biologically related to Nate. I'm not. I'm just there."

"Blood means nothing, James," Emily was quick to say. "Nate knows you are his father. It doesn't matter if Vince was the biological dad. He knows who you are, and you will always hold that place in his world."

"It's just, with you now, you have more of a connection with him than I ever could. I think that's part of why I didn't fight Vince when we separated you and Nate. I wanted him to be mine and, while Vince was feeling threatened for other reasons, I was feeling threatened because of that."

"How do you feel now?" Dr. Mangrove asked.

"I still feel that way. It's an internal thing, but I know that Emily isn't trying to ruin anything between Nate and me. I'm slowly learning that," he added. "If anything, she tries to help our relationship. They have their own special relationship and we have ours."

Real progress was made between them during the weeks leading up to the true 50/50 custody split. While things weren't perfect, they really were putting in the effort. The Emily dating thing regressed them a little, because it brought those insecurities about his role in Nate's life back up, but they were still doing therapy, and Nate was eventually brought into it too. They were working through it.

But things were still changing.

Nate, Jack, Emily, and Hotch did their sports shopping as promised. That didn't help James' insecurities, but it was her weekend with Nate, and it needed to get done before the first practice which was that following Tuesday. James understood that and understood that without a car, he wasn't the best option to take him shopping anyway.

Things were getting busy. Tuesday and Thursday were practices, and Sundays were games. Since Jack's schedule was Monday and Wednesday practices and Saturday games, the boys weren't thrilled about how little time they would be spending together, but it hadn't hit them yet.

"They're going to have a hard time not seeing each other all the time, huh?" Emily asked that night after dinner.

They boys were setting up movie and game night while they were chatting.

"It will definitely be different, but that's ok. It's kind of what you wanted before, right? They would have to get used to it anyway. Nate's going to be spending more time at James' apartment."

"I guess."

"But it's hard for you too."

"It is. A weekend without him was hard enough. Now it's a whole week."

"At least you'll know he's coming back to you when the week is up."

"And there are no more years where I'm wondering where he is and how he's doing while he knows nothing about me."

"Big improvement," Hotch said. "You'll be ok. If you get lonely, you can borrow Jack."

"I just might."

Hotch cleared his throat.

"Speaking of… I uh… I have a date tomorrow."

"You do?"

"Yeah… I… We went out during the week, just met for coffee, but it went well, and we want to go out again."

"Oh… That's great."

"So, I was wondering if you'd pop in on Jack. We're doing a late lunch and then going to the movies. She's leaving for a work trip Monday morning and with my work schedule, we wanted to take advantage of the time we had."

"I can… I can check on him for you."

"Great. Thanks."

"No problem. So, you met her through the app Penelope set up?"

"Yeah. Robin works in DC as a consultant on campaigns."

"Politics?" That was surprising to her.

"I know… But she's great. We're getting to know each other. Nothing serious, yet, but maybe."

"I'm… happy for you." She forced a smile. "Really. I am. And, in the honor of full disclosure, I… met someone as well."

"You did?"

"Mmmhmm. His name is Valentin. He works in the language department at Georgetown."

"You work together?"

"Not exactly. We work at the same place, but not together. We met in the language library. One of my students needed help with her French work and I was there with her. He was there too. I found some books that I was interested in and went back the next day. He invited me to lunch. I said yes."

"Didn't need the app after all," he said.

"We had lunch a couple times, met for coffee."

"It's going well then?"

"Yes. I think so. We're still getting to know each other too."

"That's great, Em. I hope it works out."

Both of their sentiments were genuine, and they were happy for each other, but there was more to it. There was sadness too. They both knew that meeting these new people and bringing them into their lives would affect their normal. It also put a screeching halt to whatever may or may not have been potentially happening between them.

The kiss was on their minds, despite attempts to ignore it.

"Tell me more about Robin," Emily suggested, trying to wash away the thoughts.

She learned that Robin, the political consultant, grew up in Wisconsin and moved to DC after college. She was his age, no kids, never married, and funny.

"How does she feel about Jack?"

"Well, she knows I have a son and that he is the most important person in my life, and she seems to understand that, but we'll see as we go out more. Right now, Jack is just a concept. She won't meet him unless we get serious, but eventually, there will be calls and work and things that take away from our time together and that will be the true test. I can't be with someone who doesn't understand that because I don't want to go through the same things I went through with Haley."

"I get it. The job was the reason my dates were just dates and never became more. It's hard. The job takes its toll on you and relationships, but it's worth it, usually, to know that you're making a difference and helping people."

"It is. It's rewarding."

"That's what I miss about it. Don't get me wrong. I love my new job and my new life, but being a part of a team doing work that, while hard, is incredibly rewarding and has those moments when everything just seems to make sense and be so worth all the horror we see… That's what I miss."

"I can always find a place for you."

"Thank you. I appreciate it, but it's still no."

"Had to try," he said. "So, I told you about Robin. Tell me about Valentin."

"He's French," Emily explained. "Here working as a language professor. His main focus is French, but he does French literature, and some Russian as well."

"Seems like your kind of guy."

"I guess he does, yeah. We had lunch the other day completely in French. It was nice to have someone do that with. But, more than that, he is a sarcastic, caring guy. We're seeing where it goes."

"Does he know about Nate?"

"He knows I have a son. He doesn't know the backstory. That seems more like down the road material."

"How does he feel about Nate?"

"He's fine with me having a kid. He has a daughter. She's living in France with her mother, though."

"That has to be tough for him."

"It is, but he sees her whenever he can, and they talk as much as possible. The point is, he gets the kid situation, which I'm happy about. I don't know that we're compatible, but we're finding that out as we go."

"Aren't we all?" He smiled. "We're really doing this… Dating."

"We are. Scary right?"

"Or exciting," Hotch said.

"Both."

"Definitely both."

Emily put her hand in his and squeezed as if to let him know that, no matter what happened, they'd have each other.

"Mom!"

"Dad!"

Both kids yelled for them.

"What's taking so long? I already kicked Nate's butt in Sorry twice," Jack said.

"We're coming," Hotch told him. "Get the cards out. We're scooping the ice cream right now," he lied.

"Do you even have ice cream?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Then I'll get the bowls."

"I'll get the ice cream."

And off they went with their night. It was fun and the tension between them was seemingly gone.

Fast forward a few weeks and those relationships were past the awkward early stages and blossoming toward something else. Hotch had a girlfriend and Emily a boyfriend. Summer was upon them, Nate's birthday came and went, and everything was going fine.

But when things were fine, something was bound to come and ruin it.

Hotch and the team were away on a case. Nate was with his father, and Jack was at soccer camp for the week. That meant Emily had time just her and Valentin. It was the first time he had been to her apartment. She had been to his and they had gone out quite a few times over the months, but Emily never felt truly comfortable bringing him into Nate's home.

They had just returned from a romantic dinner and a stroll by the water. Valentin had his hands all over her and her dress unzipped not five minutes after they got in. It wasn't until they were laying in bed, wrapped up in each other's arms and falling asleep that the call came.

Eyes were fluttering closed just as the ring sounded.

"Ignore it," Val said, pulling her tighter to him, his bare chest to her bare back.

"Can't. Could be Nate."

He sighed, but knew she was right.

Though it wasn't Nate. The ID said Dave. Why would he be calling so late?

"Dave? What's going on?"

She barely had time to comprehend what he said as she hopped out of bed and threw on the first thing she could find. Valentin got out of bed with her asking what was wrong.

"Where are you going?"

"The hospital," she said. "I need to get to the hospital."

She didn't even wait for him to dress. She slipped on a pair of shoes, grabbed her keys, and took off.

Hotch was shot.

She was his emergency contact.


	51. Little Scare

**Chapter 51: Little Scare**

"Dave? What's going on?"

"Emily, sorry to call you so late, but you're Hotch's emergency contact and I thought you'd want to know."

"What happened?" she asked, her voice hurried and laced with worry.

"While we were finishing up the case, the UnSub took a shot at Hotch."

"Which hospital?" she asked, not waiting for more detail.

She was already out of bed, tossing on the loose men's shirt, and a pair of sweats while she told Dave she was on her way. She wouldn't even let him finish what he was telling her. She knew she had to go there.

Valentin got out of bed with her asking what was wrong.

"Where are you going?" Val asked, his accent thick with sleep.

"The hospital," she said. "I need to get to the hospital."

"I'll come with you," he called as she started for the door, slipping on a pair of sneakers and grabbing her keys.

"Stay. I'll call you," she said.

"Do you at least want…" he heard the door slam. "… some underwear?"

It was too late. She was already rushing to her car and then the hour drive to the hospital that was nothing but worry. She wished that she asked more questions but didn't want to call Dave back. She would be there soon enough.

She made a note to herself to call James in the morning and let him know what was going on. She figured she'd know by then how bad things were and whether or not she'd get there to be with Nate in the afternoon.

As soon as she got to the hospital, she went straight inside and asked for Hotch's room. He was up on the fourth floor. When she got there, she passed the waiting room.

"Emily," Dave called.

"Dave," Emily said, stopping. "How's Hotch?"

"He's doing fine."

"What happened?"

"We were approaching the UnSub's house and he must have known we were coming. Hotch was leading the group in when several rounds were fired. He took two to the vest and a graze on his side."

"So, he was shot, but not _shot_, shot?"

"Pretty much. He just needed a few stitches."

"Where is he? Can I see him?"

"He's getting some scans."

Her posture tensed. "I thought he was fine."

"He has some bruising from the shots to the vest and it was affecting his breathing a little. The scans are to see if there is any internal bleeding. We're waiting to hear about that, but they think it's more a precaution."

"Ok," she managed to say before looking around. The waiting area was pretty empty. She could see the two others sitting in the chairs. Neither were BAU members. "Where's the rest of the team?"

"Reid also took a hit."

"What?!" Emily was never on this side of things, not really. She was always part of the action or at least knew what was going on to some extent. Now, she felt a part of the drama while still being so far away from it. "Is he alright? Why didn't you say anything on the phone?"

"Well, Emily, you didn't give me much of a chance," he said, looking her up and down with a narrowed gaze.

She wasn't completely aware of what she looked like until then.

"Did I wake you?"

"I was in bed."

"Mmhmm."

"Dave! Tell me about Reid."

"He's ok, too. It was right to the rest. No blood. They are just checking him over in the ER. Derek and JJ are with him. All three should be on their way up now. Garcia is on her way."

"He's not badly hurt?"

"No. We got him checked out just in case. He only took the one bullet to the side of his vest. Any lower and it would have done some damage, but he got lucky. JJ let me know it was just a minor bruise. He may be sore, but there's no reason to keep him. They didn't even give him any pain meds. That's how ok he is."

"He also could have just said he didn't want them… Being a recovering addict and all."

"No need to be a smart ass."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I was worried."

"I can see. They'll both be fine. I was going to tell you not to come and I'd keep you updated, but you didn't give me a chance."

"I would have come either way."

"I figured," he said. "Why don't we sit down and wait for the others? They should be up any minute and we should be hearing about Hotch soon too."

"Ok."

As they sat, Emily asked how long Hotch was getting scans. Dave told her it had been about 30 minutes and the doctor told them it could be up to two hours before he was done because emergent cases took precedence and the machines got backed up.

"Obviously, they're not too worried," Emily said.

"They're not. Just want to check anyway." Dave leaned back into the seat and looked over Emily once more. "You certainly rushed over here."

"I did. I didn't know how bad it was. I wanted to get here."

"Right… Right. What were you doing?"

"I told you that I was in bed."

"_Alone?_" he asked, his voice emphasizing the word.

"Not _alone,_ Dave. Is now really the time to be talking about this?"

"We're just sitting here waiting. Why not now?"

"Because…" she had no answer. "Because."

"What's his name?"

"Valentin."

"And what does he do?"

"He's a professor."

"Ah, a workplace romance. How long has this been going on?"

"Early April."

"Almost four months? Ever planning on telling anyone?"

"I told the girls. I'm not really introducing him to everyone until it becomes serious. I need to know whether he's sticking around before I bring him more into my life." Emily rolled her eyes. "Can we talk about this some other time?"

"Sure, Emily, but we will talk about this."

"Whatever you say."

Spencer, JJ, and Derek came walking in just as they finished that conversation. Emily immediately walked over to Spencer and gave him a hug.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Not even sore," he told her.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. Still, come sit. Relax."

Emily helped him over to the seats and the group started talking while they waited for news on Hotch and Penelope to show up. A nurse showed up to let them know Hotch was back in his room soon after.

"The doctor will be in shortly to speak with Mr. Hotchner, but you can go in and see him," she told them.

The group thanked her and got up to head towards his room. Dave stopped them saying they shouldn't all go at the same time. The rooms weren't big enough for that.

"I'll hang back with Spencer," Dave suggested. "The rest of you fight amongst yourself."

Emily said that she wanted to see him. She drove all this way and figured she should at least see him before heading home.

"Go. We're all beat. If he's still awake after your visit, we'll head in," JJ said.

Emily agreed and started toward his room. She was right down the hall when the blonde analyst saw her and came running in a frenzy, yelling out questions about Spencer and Hotch.

"They're both fine," Emily said. "Spencer wasn't even admitted and is hanging out with the rest of the team in the lounge area. I'm on my way to see Hotch, who we think is fine too."

"Think? Think is not know, Emily."

"We're just waiting for the doctors to confirm. Hotch just got back from tests."

"Fine," she huffed. "They're really ok?"

"See for yourself."

"I will. First… I stopped by your apartment before coming here… Thought you might want to ride with me. Imagine my surprise when a half-naked hunk of man meat opened the door with a heavenly accent and scowl."

"He was scowling?"

"Worried," Pen corrected. "He said you just took off, no explaining or anything, and then you weren't answering his calls."

"Yeah. I will call him. I shouldn't have left like that, but I was worried."

Penelope nodded. "He's a tall foreign drink of water."

Emily smiled. "He's easy on the eyes, yes."

"You're having sleep overs."

"As adults sometimes do."

"Mmmhmm… So, details later?"

"We'll have a girl's night soon. Let's deal with this and get some rest before we go planning. Ok?"

"Sure, yeah. You got it. Go see your other man."

"Pen, he's not my…"

"Just go," she said. "I'm off to check on Spence first."

Emily found herself rolling her eyes again and pulling out her phone to send Val a quick text. "Sorry," it said. "I promise I'm fine and we'll talk as soon as I get home. Rest." It wasn't the most soothing message, but it would do the trick. She didn't feel good about the way she made him worry, but she didn't want him staying up all night waiting for her either.

Arriving at his room, Emily gently rapped on the opened door.

"Hey," Hotch gave a groggy response. "Come in."

He saw her and said, "You're wearing my shirt."

"Oh," Emily responded, pausing and looking down at herself with a furrowed brow. "I guess I am, but it's kind of my shirt now. You gave it to me, remember?"

"You stole it."

"Potato, po-tah-toe." They laughed and Hotch grimaced. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she moved closer. "I heard you took a round or two."

"Just a graze." He pointed to a chair for her, telling her to sit. "What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night."

"Well, I'm your emergency contact."

"Right."

"And why wouldn't I be here? I'd come if any of the team was hurt."

"What I'm saying is that you didn't need to come. I'm fine."

"I know you are. But you were hurt, and I want to be here. Spencer is fine, too, by the way."

"The nurse checked for me. I'm glad."

"So, going to tell me what happened out there?"

"He just opened fire. We were going in quietly, but he still knew. We're just lucky he had bad aim."

"Yeah…" Emily reached out and took his hand. "You look good, but really, how do you feel?"

"Just sore and tired."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No. Keep me awake. The doctor said he'd be in soon to talk to me."

"Ok," Emily said. "What should we talk about?"

"We've been so busy we keep missing each other. What have you been up to?"

Emily kept him occupied with talk of her summer class and how Nate still can't stop talking about the birthday party he had. Because it was the first he had with Emily, she went all out, even enlisting her mother's help. They had a giant party at Elizabeth's house with a magician and food and all his friends. It was amazing. Nate was living his best life and it was a treat to see him being such a free kid.

"He looked so happy the whole day," Hotch agreed.

"I know. I think he made my mother soft. I didn't get birthday parties as a kid unless there was an ulterior motive like she needed to speak with one of my "friend's" parents for networking. Never were they as awesome as Nate's. There were decorations everywhere."

"He deserved to have a party. He never had that."

"I know. I was so glad I was able to give it to him. Don't think I'm going to be able to do that every year though."

"That would get expensive. But he turned double digits. That's a big year."

"I know," Emily frowned. "I can't believe he's ten."

Emily started telling Hotch about how Nate began his guitar lessons. It was something he wanted to try, and Emily bought him the guitar and lessons for his birthday as it was something he mentioned on occasion since Christmas. He wasn't very good yet, but it was only two lessons and it was fun to watch him try. She didn't get to say much more because there was a knock at the door.

"Mr. Hotchner," the doctor said. "And Mrs. Hotchner?"

Emily put her hand out to shake the doctor's and corrected him, "Emily."

"Hello Emily. I'm Dr. Aziri." The doctor focused on Hotch. "How's the patient feeling?"

"A little banged up, but not too bad," Hotch admitted. "I suppose the pain meds have a lot to do with that."

"You'd probably be right. So, I looked at the scans."

Emily and Hotch looked at him expectantly. Emily's hand was still in Hotch's.

"Definitely cracked a few ribs," Dr. Aziri told them. "There's no damage to the lung. We were concerned because of the breathing issues, but those seem to be resolved. The wind was just knocked out of you."

"No internal bleeding?" Emily asked.

"There are no active bleeds," he explained. "There's a small pool of blood near the rib cage, an edema. It should reabsorb itself and heal in time."

"So, I get to go home?" Hotch asked.

"Eager to get out of here Mr. Hotchner?"

"I'm supposed to get my son from camp this weekend. I was hoping not to still be here by then."

"I think you'll get your wish. We're going to keep you for the rest of the night, but if there are no more breathing issues and another set of scans tomorrow show that things are stable or improving, I think you'll be on your way home in no time."

"Great."

"I would like you to rest, though. It's late. Visiting hours are over, and the best thing you can do for your body is sleep."

Hotch nodded and Emily promised she'd make sure he rested.

"Then I think my work here is done. If you are in any pain beyond what is comfortable, press the call button."

"Thanks Dr. Aziri."

"Rest up," the doctor ordered. He asked if there were any questions, and when they had none, he departed.

"So, you're going to be sore for a while. I know how the ribs affect everything."

"Yeah. I'll be ok, though."

"I know."

"Go home."

"What? No. I'm going to stay and make sure you rest."

"I'm falling asleep already. I'm resting."

"I should stay."

"It's the middle of the night. Go home. Tell everyone to go home. I'll call in the morning."

"I don't want you to be alone."

"I won't be alone and none of you should have to suffer through sitting in those hard hospital chairs just to watch me sleep. They'll call if anything happens, but nothing is going to. Go home, please."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Positive."

"Ok," Emily conceded. She released his hand and stood up, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Rest. Goodnight Hotch."

"Night, Emily."

She headed for the door, but stopped before exiting, waiting to see if he was going to follow directions. He was tired, though, and eyes were already closed, so she had nothing to worry about. Satisfied, she headed back to the team. Everyone asked how he was doing and what was going on. In turn, she told them what the doctor said and that he was sleeping.

"He told us all to go home. He knows it was a hard case and he's just going to be sleeping until tomorrow, so he said it's best everyone heads home to get some real rest too."

"We can't leave him alone," Penelope said.

"I'll come back first thing in the morning," Dave offered. "I only live 30 minutes away, so I can go home, get a few hours, and be back before he's up in the morning."

Everyone agreed that was a suitable option. Their case was done, it was after 2 in the morning now, and everyone was beat. But Emily was a little reluctant to go home. She wanted to stay and watch over Hotch, and she didn't want to go see Val. She knew she needed to apologize for the hasty exit but wasn't sure how upset he'd be.

"Coming?" JJ asked her when everyone else started to leave but she stayed motionless.

"Uh… Yeah. I'm just…"

"Worried?"

"Well, of course, but I also left Valentin in bed with no explanation."

"Ah. Time to pay the piper."

"Yeah."

"Go home, Em. He'll understand."

"Are you going to take Spence home with you? Keep an eye on him?" Emily asked.

"Pen is. There won't be any kids jumping on him in the morning there."

"Good idea. I guess we should go."

"We should. Come on."

Everyone was on their way home.

Emily nervously opened the door, wondering if Val waited up despite her telling him not to. She was thankful when she was met with dark and quiet. Sighing a breath of relief, Emily went straight to her bedroom, changed her hot sweatpants for some sleep shorts, and curled into bed with Val.

Feeling her weight on the bed, he pulled her into his side.

"How's your friend?" he mumbled.

"He's ok. Thanks. Sorry I woke you."

"You alright?"

"Yeah. Just tired. We'll talk in the morning."

"Ok."

He kissed her and wrapped his arm around her as she settled into him. Feeling his breathing was simultaneously comforting and making her uncomfortable. Nothing about being with Val felt wrong, but she was still reluctant to introduce him to everyone. She realized that on her ride home. He was in her life for months now. They had lunch together every day that they were on campus and spent weekends together when Nate was with James. He even took her on a weekend trip.

She enjoyed it all.

But when she was faced with a potentially emergent situation, she made the unconscious decision to leave him behind. She didn't want to bring him along.

What did that mean? She wasn't sure. What she did know was that she genuinely cared for Valentin and she wanted to give them a real shot, but there were some confusing things going on in her head.

Those thoughts were what were on her mind as she fell asleep.

She woke to the smell of coffee around 8, later than she planned.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked Val as she came into the kitchen where he was sitting at the island with his tea and phone in his hand.

"You needed sleep. You came home very late."

"I know."

"Going to tell me what happened? Your friend Penelope visited while you were out, at an ungodly hour I add. She said someone was shot and in the hospital?"

"My friends Hotch and Spencer were both shot at."

"How are they doing?"

"Thankfully, they were wearing their vests and it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Spencer is totally fine. He only took the one bullet and it only grazed his vest, but Hotch took three. He needed some stitches and has some cracked ribs, but they think he should be fine."

"Sounds frightening."

"Well, that's the risk when you're in the field. It's scary, but it's not something you can constantly worry about either or you can't do your job."

"You've been shot while you were working there too?"

She had told him about her past work with the FBI and some of the complicated history that she had, but he only had a small piece of the puzzle.

"Yes. Shot and stabbed."

"At the same time?!"

"No."

"I did not know this."

"It's not like it's information that comes up all the time in conversation. I don't introduce myself, 'Hi, I'm Emily. I've been shot, shot at, and stabbed. Even hit by a car and beat up."

His face looked flummoxed. He didn't know what to make of the situation. He knew she wasn't in that job anymore, but she was before and, clearly, had been through and seen some things he'd likely never be able to comprehend.

"The scar on your stomach and," he put his hand on his chest, "above your breast. Are those from work?"

"Yes."

"Stabbed?"

"The one on my stomach is from being stabbed and the surgery that I had after."

"Not the other?"

"No."

"What is that from?"

"I… was burned," she said, giving the most simplistic answer. "I can't say anything other than that."

"That is… I am sorry."

"You didn't do it to me. Look, I know it sounds scary because it did happen, but I'm not at that job anymore. That's not my life now."

"It is though because your friends are in that life. That makes you part of it."

"There are risks, but I can't help that, and when or if things like this happen, I'm always going to go. You called them my friends, but these people are my family."

He sighed. "Am I ever going to meet your _family_?"

"Once things calm down… Maybe we can go out for dinner with JJ and Will. A double date."

"I'd like that," he said, kissing her. "I have to get to work. Do you have class today?"

"No. It's all online today. They're submitting their papers. I'm going to head over to the hospital and check on Hotch."

His nose wrinkled and his mouth pursed, but he tried to hide it.

"Will you be there all day?"

"I don't know."

Val sighed. "Will you call me when you get home?"

"I will."

"We can have a late supper in tonight," he suggested. "I can cook for you."

"Sounds good."

"Until then Mon Coeur."

"You know I love when you speak French to me."

"Yes, I do. It's why I do it."

"Go. Go, go," she said, pushing him away. "Get to work."

"Au revoir."

"Salut."

One last kiss and he was out the door. Emily took some coffee from the pot, and an apple from the fruit bowl before starting her day. Before leaving, Emily called Nate to check in and let James know what was going on.

"I'm going to head back to the hospital soon, so if you need me call me. If I don't answer and it's an emergency, keep calling."

"I will. Tell Hotch I wish him well."

"Do you mean it?" she asked.

"I'm trying to."

"I guess that's progress. Tell Nate I'll talk to him later."

"Will do."

With that done, Emily took her key and went to Hotch's apartment. She was sure he'd want a change of clothes and wouldn't mind her rummaging through his place to get him a few essentials. She didn't go crazy. She had been through his drawers before when she was staying with him, so she knew exactly where to look. Jeans, a shirt, and briefs. That was all he needed.

She threw it all into a bag and called Dave to see if he was at the hospital and what was happening there. He was and told her that Hotch was still sleeping. Emily said that she was going to come by and bring Hotch some stuff, but Dave convinced her to wait.

It gave her some time to plan a few things. Hotch was going to need some help and she didn't want it all to fall on Jack. Thankfully, her schedule was light enough that she could be of assistance to him. She knew how painful broken ribs could be and how much effort everything took when they were an issue, so she wanted to help.

She had a plan ready.

By noon, she was on her way to the hospital. Dave told her that Hotch was getting his second round of scans and then the doctor would tell them if he'd be on his way home or sticking around. They waited together, chit chatting to pass the time.

It was another hour before Hotch was brought back to his room. It was promising that he was pushed in a wheelchair rather than a bed this time.

"You look better," Emily told him.

"Thanks. I don't feel it," he responded.

"I bet you don't," Dave said. "Doctors tell you anything?"

"They think things look good, but they'll be in here to speak with me in a bit."

When the doctor did come, it was good news. He would be in pain for a while and the bruising would take some time to dissipate, but he was free to leave. They gave him some instructions, wrapped up his ribs, wrote him a prescription, and told him what to look out for. Because of the edema, though it was healing, he was at risk for bleeding. It was a small risk, but something to monitor.

"I brought you some clothes to change into," Emily told him.

"Thanks," he said, taking the bag from her.

"You need any help?" Dave offered.

"I think I got it. I'll let you know."

"Alright. We'll be just outside then. Be careful."

"I will."

Dave and Emily stepped out and gave him time to change. Emily picked a button down and clothes she thought would be easiest for him, and she was right. He changed with minimal problems.

"I feel better already," Hotch said when they came back to his room.

"We can take you home whenever," Emily said. "I figured since we're going to the same place, you can hitch a ride with me. Such a mooch," she joked.

"That would be great."

"Unless you need something, I'm going to head home. Some of us still have work tomorrow and need to get things done."

"No problem. Thanks for being here Dave. Take care of the team for me. Tell them I'll be back Monday."

"You're only taking one day off?"

"And the weekend."

"We'll see about that," Dave said. "Emily, make sure he doesn't strain himself."

"I will."

"See you soon," Dave said, leaving.

"Ready to go?" Emily asked.

"So ready. I hate hospitals."

"Don't we all? Come on, let's get out of here."

Emily walked slow beside him, ready to help if needed. When they got down to the ground floor, she made him wait for her to pull the car closer.

"You didn't have to do that," he told her.

"It's not like I walked a mile in the freezing rain to get you a ride, Hotch. Relax. Just say thank you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They had an hour to kill on the drive.

"So," Emily said, "I noticed that Robin hadn't come to see you."

He looked over to her with widened, mildly panicked eyes.

"Nobody told her, did they?"

"No…"

"You haven't talked to her?"

"I was on a case and we were in the middle of the action when I got hurt. After that, I was either asleep or getting tests."

"You can call her now… if you want."

"I will when I get home. I'm ok. No reason to worry her, right?"

"Sure."

"I should have called her earlier, I know. You don't have to use that tone."

"No tone. I get it. It's never an easy call to make even when it's a minor injury. It brings up stuff in a relationship."

"Yeah."

"Have you talked to Jack?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell him what happened?"

"Not yet. He's at camp and he'll just want to see I'm ok for himself. I don't want him to leave camp for that. He'll see I'm fine when he comes home tomorrow."

"Fair enough."

The conversation moved freely, and they covered a lot of ground in their drive, including an upcoming family vacation Emily was taking.

"My mother wants Nate and I to join her in North Carolina," she explained. "She rented two houses next to each other for a week. Told me to invite whoever I wanted to come along."

"Are you inviting me on a family vacation?" Hotch asked.

"You, Jack, the team, Henry, Will, and Michael, yes."

"It's big enough for everyone?"

"There's plenty of room, and it falls during your mandatory furlough week. Dave and Derek can't make it. Spencer and Pen are coming, and JJ is going to come a day later than everyone else after her parents leave."

"Good to know where I stand in the list. I was the last one you asked."

"You were, but that was just because I didn't know if it was a good idea or not."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know…"

He didn't believe that. He knew exactly why it could be a bad idea.

"I'll let you know, ok?"

"Ok. Great."

"My mom went all out again. Beach, fun, games, kids… It promises to be an eventful trip."

She didn't know how eventful then, but they would all find out soon enough.

"I was wondering something," Emily said as they started to get closer to the apartment.

"What?"

"I know we talked about it in passing, but when did you make me your emergency contact?"

"Around the same time you made me yours. If I get hurt on the job, the team would know and they would have the power to make any immediate decisions, but if all of us got hurt on the job… I trust you, Emily and I wanted someone that wasn't on the team to be notified if something happened. You were the most logical choice, and I know you care."

"I do. I'm happy to be your emergency contact and do whatever I can for you, Hotch. Just like you'd do and have done for me."

"Thanks."

"Hopefully we won't need to use that very often."

"Hopefully," he parroted.

They pulled into the lot and Emily immediately ran to his side of the car to open the door and help him out. He tried to tell her it was unnecessary, but she wouldn't listen, just like she wouldn't listen when he tried to tell her she didn't need to stay and keep him company or do anything for him.

"Hotch, I'm going to help. Get over it. Now, couch or bed?"

"Ugh, couch. But don't take it personally if I'm bad company."

"No worries. Let's just get you comfortable."

Once he was settled with some snacks, drinks, and everything else within arm's reach, he told Emily that he needed to make a call. She took that as his subtle way of asking her for some privacy. So, she made an excuse and went into the next room.

It wasn't intentional, but she could overhear Hotch's half of the conversation.

"I'm sorry," he told her, "I wasn't trying to ignore your calls. I was… I was in the hospital."

Emily could just imagine the woman's response.

"I know. I'm sorry no one called you, and yes, I'm fine. I'm home now, just a little bruised. That's all."

He paused.

"It's not a big deal… No… Yes… Sure… I'm not alone."

She waited for more, now intentionally eavesdropping.

"Emily's with me… Yes, that Emily… Jack's still at camp… Yes."

She heard Hotch sigh.

"Ok. Yeah. See you soon. You too," he said, taking a deep breath before saying, "You can come back in now."

Emily blushed, but headed in with her head held high like she wasn't spying.

"Didn't go well?"

"About as well as I expected."

The two ironed out some things. Emily offered to pick up Jack from his camp the next day before she picked up Nate. Hotch accepted the offer. With the meds, he was told not to drive. Right now, the pain only felt manageable with the medication, though, he planned to only take it for the first day or so and then adjust. He couldn't work if he was on that kind of medication.

"I can help out with Jack, too. I don't mind if you want him to stay with me or if you need help around the house, just let me know."

"That's too much. I wouldn't ask you to."

"I'm offering, you're not asking."

"I'll let you know," he said, letting out a yawn as he spoke.

"Let me help you get to bed. You look like you're about to pass out. You might as well be comfortable in your own bed."

He didn't fight her on it. He allowed her to tuck him in to his bed and move all the stuff from the living room to his bedside in case he needed it. He hated needing any help, but he knew he didn't want to push himself, so he took it in stride and was thankful for her.

As Emily was in the living room cleaning the mess she made spilling a glass of water, there was a rapid tap on the door. She peaked into Hotch's room.

"I'll get it," Emily told him. "Stay in bed."

Emily made her way to the door, telling whoever it was that was constantly knocking that she was on her way.

"Hey," she said, opening the door to a woman just a little shorter than her with sandy brown hair, dark blue eyes, and tanned skin. Before she could do anything, the woman started talking.

"Who are you?" the woman asked.

"Who are you?" Emily returned the question.

"I'm Robin, Aaron's girlfriend."

"Oh," Emily smiled, taking another good look at the woman. She was finally putting an image to the name. "Hi Robin. I'm Emily."

"Right," Robin said, looking past Emily. "Emily."

It was clear that Hotch had mentioned her, and Robin didn't look pleased by the situation. She looked a lot less excited to meet Emily than Emily was to meet her.

"Would you like to come in?" Emily asked.

Robin nodded and pushed her way in. "Where is he?"

"He's resting in his room. He's ok. Just sore. I can…"

Robin didn't really pay attention to Emily, instead, continuing to Hotch's room.

"Ok…" Emily said to herself. "That was interesting."

She didn't know whether to stay or go. Hotch wouldn't be alone with Robin there, but she didn't really want to leave just yet. Ultimately, though, she planned to head home and call Hotch a little later to see if he needed anything or to bring over dinner, so he didn't have to cook.

There was a conflict brewing in her head, battling between stay or go, even if go won.

She went to fetch her purse and pick up the rags where she was cleaning when she saw Robin and Hotch. Robin looked genuinely worried, naturally. But the conversation was a little hush-hush. She didn't even try to listen, just went about cleaning the rug and minding her own business.

Inside the room, Robin sat next to Hotch on the bed.

"Why is she here?" Robin asked.

"She was helping out a friend."

"Are you sure that's it?"

"Yes. Robin. I promise, that's it. I told you about her. She's one of my closest friends. Our kids are best friends."

"You're right. I know… I was just surprised that she was still here and… I guess I'm still upset you didn't call me. You were in the hospital overnight and you said nothing."

"I'm sorry."

"I was worried about you."

"I didn't mean to worry you… That's part of why I didn't tell you," he said. "This, while it doesn't happen very often, is part of the job. I didn't want to call and have you panic unless there was reason to. But I'm fine."

"I'm so happy you are. Can I do anything? Get you anything?"

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I took the afternoon off for an emergency."

"It's not an emergency."

"It is to me. You were hurt. I want to be here for you."

"Thank you."

"So, can I get you anything?"

"Why don't you make yourself some coffee or tea and then we can relax?"

"Ok. I will," Robin said, placing a kiss on his lips. "Be right back."

As she got up, she noticed Emily walk into the other room and start picking up something. Robin immediately went to her.

"You don't have to do that," Robin said.

"I don't mind. I spilled it. I should clean it before I go."

"Really, I can do it. Feel free to leave."

Emily looked at her. Was she being dismissed?

"Thank you for taking care of him," Robin sincerely said, "But I'm here now. I can take it from here. You can leave…"

"Ok," Emily said, getting up off the ground. She passed the rag to Robin and put the purse strap around her shoulder. "It was nice meeting you. Tell Hotch I'll see him later."

"Bye," Robin said, not moving from her spot until Emily was out of the door.

Emily was very confused by the end of that meeting, and she didn't like the feeling of being pushed out the door.

Was this how things were going to be now?


	52. The Awkward Moment When

I know not everyone is fond of Robin and Val, but hang in there. Everything has its purpose.

**Chapter 52: The Awkward Moment When**

"Emily still out there?" Hotch asked Robin when returned to his room.

"Uh… No. She went home."

"Without saying bye?" he wondered.

"Yeah. She seemed in a hurry," Robin told him, though it was clear to Hotch that she wasn't being completely truthful.

"Did she say anything?"

"She said she'd talk to you later. I think she wanted to give us some time."

"Sounds like her."

"Sure," Robin said, though she didn't know. She thought it could be true. Emily seemed nice enough from their brief meeting and from what Aaron had told her. She was just angry that Emily was called, and she wasn't.

"She was supposed to get the address of Jack's camp from me. Oh well, I guess I can give it to her tomorrow."

Robin took a deep breath and decided to be the strong woman she was rather than the angry woman who took things out on innocent friends. It wasn't Emily's fault that Aaron didn't call her, and, from the sounds of it, it wasn't Aaron that called Emily either.

"She's going to get Jack?"

"Yes. I'm supposed to take it easy the next few days, and I'm not really supposed to drive while using the pain medication," Hotch explained, readjusting in bed with a wince.

Broken ribs sucked.

"I… I could always pick up Jack with you. Before you say anything, I know what you're thinking. You're not sure that it's time for me to meet Jack. I get it. Really, I do, but for this to move forward, I'd have to meet him at some point. He's not a baby, Aaron."

"You want to meet Jack?"

"I'd love to meet him."

"Well, I think that can be arranged. Jack's old enough to understand dating and that I'm seeing someone."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. I wasn't keeping him from you. I just wanted you to be ready to meet him."

"I'm ready."

"Great. But not tomorrow."

"Oh," she deflated. "Ok."

"It's not anything against you. I'm just going to have to explain to Jack that I was hurt, and I don't want to do that on top of introducing you two."

"I suppose that makes sense."

"I know that's not what you wanted to hear."

"No. No," she said. "This is exactly what I want to hear. All I want is to be a part of your life, and Jack is the biggest part. I want to get to know your son."

Hotch gingerly moved forward and kissed her. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you," Hotch said.

"Well, that's an easy thing for me to do," Robin told him before carefully moving to lay next to him, her hand moving to his chest where she felt the bandages. "How bad was it really? Could you have died?"

"No," he lied. "It was a small incident. Nothing to worry about."

"Ok…" she said. "Can I see? Where you were hurt, can I see?"

"Later," he told her, "Let's just stay just like this for now."

She nodded and laid a little closer.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked when he recoiled.

"I'm ok." He maneuvered so they were closer and in a more comfortable position. "When do you leave for your trip?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. I can cancel if you need me," she said, though they both knew she couldn't.

"No. Don't. You should go."

"But I'll stay the night."

"I'm ok with that."

"You better be," she teased, snuggling into him more.

For the rest of the afternoon, the couple just laid there, snuggling as they watched a bit of TV.

Emily, meanwhile, headed back to her apartment after she got the brush off from Robin.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, seeing Val knocking on her door.

"Here for you," he answered. "You didn't call."

"I'm just getting back to my place. I was going to call you when I got in."

"You're just leaving Hotch after being with him all day?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Yes. Is that a problem?"

"No," he said. His tone said otherwise.

This wasn't the first time he showed his discomfort where Hotch was concerned. Before she thought it was more about Nate and her not letting him meet Nate yet. Nate, Jack, and Hotch seemed to come up at the same time often, so she assumed, but maybe she was wrong.

"I'm sorry I hadn't called. I thought you'd still be at work."

"Class ended early. Last one of the session before finals. It was a review day."

"Right. Going to come in?"

"Please," he said, waiting for her to open the door.

Emily did and offered to take some of the bags he was carrying. He went shopping for their dinner.

"What did you get?"

"You will see when it is ready," he said. "Une surprise."

"I guess that means you don't want my help."

"Correct. You are on wine duty."

"My favorite," she told him. "Can you make a little extra?"

"Whatever for?"

"I'd like to bring some up to Hotch and Robin, too, if she's still there. Hotch shouldn't be spending too much time on his feet."

"You want me to cook for your guy friend and his friend?"

"Don't say it like that," Emily grumbled. "My friend was hurt. I care and I want to make sure he's taken care of."

"Maybe too much you care," Val suggested.

"No… Don't make this something it's not. If you're worried about Hotch and me, you don't need to. We've been friends for a long time. If something was going to happen, it would have by now."

"Has something happened before?"

"No," she answered quickly. "No…"

He trusted her enough to take her word at face value. With a heavy voice he asked, "Do you believe your friends would be welcoming to a little company and fresh food?"

"You want to cook dinner for all of us… to share together?"

"I want to make you happy," he said, "Even if it means spending time with strangers and doing things like cooking for them."

"Well, you did say you wanted to meet my friends… I am going to reward you for this you know."

"I'm expecting as much."

She gave him a kiss and a hug. "Get cooking. I'm going to ask Hotch."

She grabbed her phone and sent Hotch a message.

He was still in bed finishing a show with Robin when his phone dinged. His face scrunched as he tried to maneuver for it.

"I'll grab it for you," Robin said reaching over him for the phone. "It's from Emily."

He could almost hear the eye roll.

"What's it say?" he asked.

"She wants to know if you and I would be up for dinner with her and Val tonight. Val's cooking."

"Sounds good," he says before quickly adding, "If you're up for it."

"Sure. Why not?" she said, a new, happier tone in her voice.

"Really?"

"Yes. Sure. Less we have to do, right? Gotta eat."

She passed him the phone and got off the bed.

"Tell her yes. I'm going to freshen up."

"Ok. Great."

He was surprised but happy with her reaction to the offer and quickly sent Emily a response before Robin changed her mind.

An hour and a half later, Emily and Val were at his apartment with hot food and a bottle of wine.

"Come in," Robin greeted as she answered the door, her smile dimming as she saw who was with Emily. "Emily and…"

"Hi Robin, this is Valentin."

"Oh… Ugh, hello Valentin."

Val greeted her with a kiss to each cheek and as much of a hug as he could manage with his hands full.

"Val is fine. Thank you. We bring wine and food."

"Aaron is at the table. Come in. What can I take?"

Emily passed her the bottle and showed Val into the kitchen and dining area. They put the food down and she introduced him to Hotch who was sitting at the dining table.

"Hotch, this is Val. Val, this is Hotch."

When Hotch tried to get up, Val stopped him. "No. It is fine. Don't get up," he said, offering his hand. "It's good to make your acquaintance. Emily speaks of you and your son often. I am happy to finally meet some of her closest friends. I only wish it was under better circumstances. How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing better. Thanks. It's good to meet you, too." Hotch looked to Emily. "Is there anything I can do?"

"You mean other than sit there and try to relax? No. Val and I got this," Emily said.

"And I'll open the wine," Robin said. "Is everyone having a glass?"

"Not me," Hotch said. "Don't want to mix it with the pills."

Emily and Val retreated to the kitchen to plate while Robin pulled the wine opener off the small drink cart. Almost angrily, she finagled the top, popping the cork.

"Everything ok?" Hotch asked her.

"Yes."

"Robin…"

"Everything is fine. I'm happy to spend time with your friends. Let's enjoy ourselves," she said, voice tense and fingers gripping the bottle.

Everything did not seem fine…

She filled three glasses and placed them at the table. She brought the one she poured for herself up to her lips and took a very long sip, draining half the glass before refilling.

"Seriously, Robin. What's wrong?" Hotch asked with concern. "I told you it was ok if you didn't want to do this."

"I wanted to do this…" When she thought Val was a girl. "Why didn't you tell me Val was short for Valentin?"

His eyes narrowed in confusion. "I didn't know that I had to."

"I thought he was a she."

"Did…" Things started to click. "Did you think Emily was gay?"

_For about an hour_… "I thought Val was a girl. You know, short for Valerie."

"Now that you know he's a him?"

"Well, I know Emily's not gay."

"Were you hoping she was?"

She said nothing.

"Ok, are you disappointed that she's not? I don't understand what's happening here."

"It's nothing. I was mistaken and I'm just embarrassed," she said, still sipping her wine.

"Are you sure that's it?" he probed. "You're ugh… You're really liking that wine."

"It's delicious," she stated. "I'm running to the bathroom to wash my hands. I'll be right back."

Robin placed her empty glass on the table and left the room just as she saw Emily come in with a hand full of plates and silverware.

"Where did Robin go?" Emily asked.

"To wash up."

"Feeling ok? We can leave if you're not up for this," she offered.

"I'm fine, and hungry, so this is great."

"Ok. We just threw everything in the oven to heat up a little more before we eat. What do you want to drink?"

"Water," he said.

"Ice?"

"Please."

"What about for Robin? Does she want anything or is she just having the wine?"

"Water for her too. No ice."

"Coming right up."

Dinner was an interesting affair, and each would give a different account of the situation. Hotch and Emily would say it went well. Conversation flowed freely. Hotch asked about Nate, and Emily explained that she switched days with James. The kids were talked about openly. The four seemed to be enjoying the meal and the company. However, the two others didn't quite see it the same way.

Robin and Valentin felt excluded when the kids were talked about. Both has talked to Emily and Hotch about their respective kids and knew all about them, but not in the same way. All Val and Robin saw were how interconnected the two were and how they knew things about the other's kid that went beyond normal friendship level stuff.

At times, it felt like Hotch and Emily were there talking to each other and the two of them were left on the sidelines playing with their food and drinking their wine. In fact, that was most of the evening for them. There were a few words exchanged as a group, but the conversations generally happened between Emily and Hotch with a few side conversations with the different couples.

As it became later, the partners had enough. The wine was gone, half of it in Robin's stomach, and the food was eaten.

In French, Val told Emily he was tired. He wanted to leave. "It's getting late," he told her. "And I don't wish to be here any longer."

There was a clear tone to his voice that made her feel like she did something wrong.

And then Robin, who was clearly a little drunk, said, "No. No. No. No French. Not fair. We can't understand and isss not fair."

"Robin, it's ok," Hotch tried to calm her. She was getting worked up and he knew it was not about the French.

"We should go," Emily offered. Val had already gotten up and the table had been cleared for a while now. "I'll drop by tomorrow," Emily quietly said as she said goodbye to Hotch.

"Val, it was good to meet you."

"Likewise."

"I'm happy I got to meet you, Robin. Maybe we can do this again sometime," Emily kindly offered.

Robin wanted to laugh at that, instead let out a mumbled snide remark about how she wished Emily was gay and what kind of guy name is Val. Emily didn't read too much into it and just hurried after Val.

"Well, that was interesting," Emily said to Val when they were alone.

"Yes… interesting."

"You have an attitude. Why do you have an attitude?"

"Because I am French," he said. "We all have attitudes."

"Now you're just saying stereotypical things because you have an attitude. What's going on?"

"I don't wish to spend time with these people again," he said.

Emily stopped in her tracks. Had she missed something? What happened that made him dislike Hotch and Robin?

"Wait. Stop. Pourquoi? Qu'est-il arrivé?"

"What happened? Why," he repeated her questions. "Because you would not stop touching him and talking to him. Like I was not there."

"What?" she said, "I was not."

"Yes."

Maybe she was, Emily thought. With Hotch, their conversation and comradery were natural. They were affectionate with each other, but not overly so. It was normal for them to touch or talk. She hadn't realized it was to the point that she was ignoring Val, or at least secluding him in a little bubble that she just checked on from time to time.

"Please stop. Talk to me. Let's go inside and talk."

"What is there to talk about?" he asked.

"I'm sorry." She was in front of him, putting her hands on his arms. "I… I'm not good at this, at relationships, but I'm trying. Please. Come in the apartment and we can talk this out."

"I am angry."

"I know. I… please."

He agreed, but things didn't exactly get better from there, not at first anyway. He told her that he didn't like the way she was "all over him." Emily thought his jealousy was unwarranted but a little sexy. That didn't win her many points but softened the edges a little.

Then Val moved on to how Hotch knew things about Nate and the history with James that she failed to explain to him.

"It was complicated," Emily told Val early on. "James is gay. We have a son together through IVF."

Emily wasn't sure how everything came up in normal conversation, but the sordid details emerged, and Val felt cheated. He felt like he had been lied to.

He had a right to feel that way. Emily gave him the most simplistic version of events early on to avoid the initial awkwardness that conversation would bring. She hadn't intended to let it go this far without explaining things further, but they were having fun and really getting on. It hadn't come up.

That was a cop out, she knew, but it was also truth. She always planned to sit him down and discuss the intricacies of her familial relationships. Truly, she did. She just never had a plan for when. Things were going well…

"It just makes me wonder," he told her as their blow up reached a peak.

Calmly, she asked, "Wonder what?"

"If you want this to work," he said.

"Of course I do."

"Emily, I said to you that I love you. All you said was you too."

_Oh_, she thought… "I…"

"If you cannot say it, I don't know if you mean it. Perhaps you don't, and we should not be."

"I do," she said. "I… I love you."

She was surprised by how easy the words were to say. She felt like she meant them…

"I love you," she repeated.

He smiled a huge smile and moved closer. "Je t'aime Mon Coeur. I love you too."

That seemed to appease him, thrill him really. It was all he wanted to hear. Suddenly, it was like the rest was forgotten and they got back to the night they had planned.

Things didn't end quite the same way for Hotch, but he did come to a resolution with his girlfriend. Robin lost any filter she may have had while they talked. She was still upset about Emily and Val in a way that he didn't understand at first.

"I don't get it," he said. "I know you said it was embarrassing that you thought he was a woman, but you didn't do anything embarrassing."

"Of course, you don't understand. You're so blind when it comes to her. It would be so much easier to trust that nothing is happening with the two of you if she was gay. How do you not get that?!"

She yelled and he yelled, and they went back and forth for a while. It got to the point where she was crying, and he was trying to comfort her.

"I just want to be a part of your life," she said. "I want to get to know your son and your friends. I don't want to feel like the third wheel with you and Emily again or like I'm living just outside of your world. I want this to work, but I don't want to be shut out."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

"I love you, Aaron. I just want to feel like you love me too."

"I do. I love you too. I want the same things that you do," he promised.

She cried harder. That was the first time he said it back. He loved her. That was what she needed to hear, and it was cemented when she met Jack a few weeks later.

Things were looking up for both couples.

For Emily and Val, they were trying to spend as much time together as possible. He was leaving for France for all the rest of August so he could spend some time with his daughter before the next semester began.

They were lying in bed the night before he was set to leave, savoring their last bit of time together for weeks, when Val gave her a proposal.

"Come with me… even for a week," Val pled. "We can have fun. You can meet Madelaine. You can bring Nate. We can… We can act as a family, start to build a life."

"I would love that," she told him. "But I can't."

"Why?"

"I can't bring Nate. We… Some of the things I told you about happened in France and… I'd like to take him back there at some point, but not to spring my boyfriend and his daughter on him. Plus, that's not how I want to meet your daughter. I want her to want to meet me too."

"She does. We talk about you all the time."

"Really?"

"Oui. She is excited that I am happy, and I would like for you to meet her."

"I… I'd like that too. And I'd like for you to meet Nate after you return."

It was like music to his ears.

"I can try to visit. It's short notice, but maybe after my family trip with my mom and everyone."

"Please try," he said.

She promised that she would try. If she could find time between Nate and all the things happening this summer, she wanted to go.

For Hotch and Robin, things were going well, too.

After Jack came home from camp, Hotch did as promised and introduced Jack and Robin. Jack understood as soon as he met her what and who she was to his father.

"You're dating?" Jack asked.

"Yes."

"Is it serious? That's why you're introducing us, right?"

"Yes Jack," Hotch said. "What do you think?"

"She seemed nice."

"That's it?"

"Well, she was trying very hard to make me like her and I guess it worked. I just want you to be happy, Dad," Jack told him. "With her or anyone."

"Thanks Jack."

Jack was happy his father was happy but didn't know what to make of the relationship yet. She was trying, though, Jack would say that she didn't understand the likes of a 13-year-old boy very well. He saw her once more before they left for their family trip to North Carolina with Emily and Nate.

Both Val and Robin were away when Hotch, Emily, the kids, and the rest of the family headed out on vacation. Neither partner was particularly happy with the situation. They didn't like the relationship between Emily and Hotch, but they had to deal with it and accepted that. That was the only way to make things work.

Emily and Hotch carpooled with Pen and Spencer driving in the car behind them. Elizabeth was already there, undoubtedly ordering a small staff around to prepare for their arrival. The seven-hour drive was filled with laughter, songs, and fun. Spencer gave the kids a walkie-talkie, so they could all be in contact. The boys used it to include them in their fun.

Thankfully, they only had to make two bathroom breaks and a few scheduled stops for lunch and sightseeing. That kept them on schedule to make it by nightfall.

Elizabeth was waiting for them.

"Nana," Nate yelled, running to greet Elizabeth. "We're here."

"Oh, my big man. You've grown a whole foot in the last month," Elizabeth said, wrapping him in a great big hug. "And Jack. Oh my. Look at you. You're not even a boy anymore, you're a teenager."

"Hi Elizabeth," Jack greeted her, giving her a hug as well.

"Hello everyone," Elizabeth said. "How was the ride?"

"It was lovely," Penelope answered. "Thank you for inviting us."

"It's my pleasure, Penelope. Are you guys hungry? I had a light dinner prepared in case you didn't stop for food."

"We can eat," Emily responded. "Boys. Bring your bags up to your room."

"I'll show you the way," Elizabeth told them. "As for the rest of you. Emily, I assume you'll stay in here with me and Nate, but this house and the one right next door," she pointed to the neighboring beach house, equally as big and beautiful as the one they were standing in front of. "are ours, so you have your pick of rooms."

"Come on Spence," Pen said, "We can settle in next door. I can't wait to see what Wonder Boy does on the beach."

"Well, there are microorganisms living in the…"

"Do not finish that sentence Spencer," Emily suggested. "Just try not to over think it. Knowledge is your friend, but don't let it also be your enemy."

"I'm trying," he said.

"Good. Go wander. Pick your rooms, then come meet us for dinner."

They did. Everyone found their rooms. The boys decided to share one like old times and there was room for Henry too if he wanted to do a sleep over with them. Once their things were put away, they all went down to the kitchen to eat.

"These houses are amazing," Penelope said. "I wish I had your money."

The table laughed. Elizabeth simply thanked her and laughed with them.

Dinner was fun. It was like a team dinner with the kids and Elizabeth tagging along. Elizabeth seemed more and more at ease at every gathering. Nate had really softened her up. Now, she was warmer than she had ever been and was engaging with and enjoying spending time with Emily and her family.

Despite the fun, dinner wasn't a long affair. The car ride had them all yawning and ready for an early night. The kids' heads were starting to droop at the table and the parents sent them to bed.

"Say goodnight and get to bed," Emily told Nate. "I left pajamas out on your bed."

He silently nodded. Hotch told Jack to go with him.

Nate got up from the table and gave everyone there a hug and kiss goodnight.

"Nana," he said when he got to her. "Can we make our special breakfast in the morning?"

"Anything you want, Nate. I'm so happy we're going to have this time together. Love you. Sleep well."

"Sleep well, Nana."

"Ugh, I just want to eat him, he's so cute," Pen said once the kids walked out.

"So, my son being cute gives you cannibalistic thoughts?" Emily asked, jokingly.

"With those cheeks, yes."

"Good to know."

From there, they were losing numbers. Spencer and Pen excused themselves to go explore their new digs a little before passing out for the night. Hotch stayed to help clean up before turning in. Then, only Elizabeth and Emily remained.

"How have you been, Emily?" Elizabeth asked.

"I've been well. Nate's doing great. Did he tell you that he learned a new song on the guitar?"

"He didn't. He'll have to play it for me some time."

"He'd love that."

"But I'll hear about Nate from Nate. I was asking about you. What's been going on?"

"I… I've been dating," Emily admitted.

"I suspected."

"What? How?"

"The last few times we've talked have been different. You haven't directly mentioned someone, but you've been getting out more, I know."

"His name is Valentin," Emily said. "He's a professor at Georgetown in a different department. He's from France."

"Oh French lovers… they are…"

"Mom! Do not finish that sentence please."

"Don't be such a prude. You're old enough now that we can have a candid conversation about sex."

"I don't think I'll ever be in a place that I want to hear about your sex life, Mother."

"So you don't want to hear about my summer romance before I met your father with Francois, the French vineyard boy with the most incredible hands."

"Mother! I may have regurgitated my dinner. Just how much wine have you had?"

"Emily, Dear, I could drink you under the table. I'm not drunk."

"This is a side of you that I don't know how to handle. I think I'm going to go to bed before you tell me about my conception."

"Oh, that's a delightful story," Elizabeth said. "Your father and I…"

"Nope. No, no, no, no, no. Night Mom. Love you."

She quickly departed the room leaving a laughing Elizabeth behind and feeling the urge to scrub every part of her body. Ugh… What just happened?

"You ok?" Hotch asked as he left the bathroom and saw her walking toward her bedroom muttering to herself.

"Huh? Yeah. Fine… Disturbed, but fine."

"What happened?"

"My mom tried to talk to me about sex," Emily stated. "I feel like I'm in the twilight zone and in desperate need of a shower."

"Bathroom is all yours," he told her, moving out of the doorway.

"Don't laugh. It's not funny. She told me about her love affair with a farm boy in French wine country and that image is never going to leave my brain."

"Shower. Get some sleep. Hopefully you'll forget about it."

"Unlikely. I'm permanently scarred."

"It'll be ok." He was still laughing. "See you in the morning."

"Night Hotch."

Emily ran into the bathroom truly trying to forget that conversation. It did nothing, but the steamy shower helped her relax. She fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

The next day was a lazy one. The group explored a little, but mostly spent some time on the beach. They tried to save all the big activities for when JJ and her family arrived.

Elizabeth rented out some water toys for the week, so Emily had fun watching Spencer try to work a jet ski and force himself to enjoy being on the beach. He was not a beach fan. Hotch decided that Spencer was a danger to himself and others and was banned from riding by himself. Hotch, though, didn't ride at all. His ribs were better, but he didn't want to risk an accident.

"One of us need to be on there with you at all times," Hotch told Spencer.

Spencer tried to argue that he was an adult, but when he was tossed into the water from his horrible driving, he agreed to Hotch's rules. He really didn't want to get hurt. He just wanted to have fun. He was trying his best, though his inability to be good at certain things didn't make him like the beach any more than usual.

"You can ride with me, Spencer. We can race Nate and Penelope," Jack said.

That was exactly what happened. After their special breakfast, most of the day was spent in or around the water. Elizabeth prepared a picnic for their lunch and they chowed down. For dinner, she sent the adults away to eat out and spent time with the boys.

Come Monday, after arriving late the night before, JJ and the LaMontagne boys joined in on the fun. They went to Pigsah National Forest and went down the sliding rock and visited Dupont State Recreational Forest. They made the most of their vacation. Henry really loved riding on the real steam train. Each of them had a thing that was tailored to them.

By the end of the vacation, they were all tuckered out. All the fun that was jam packed into the week was as tiring as it was exciting. They dealt with sunburn, bee stings, and general exhaustion, but they wouldn't want the trip to be any different. They were leaving early Sunday morning and had all of Saturday left to enjoy.

Much to Emily's dismay, Elizabeth was off with one of her Southern gentlemen callers. Spencer and Penelope found out there was a comic convention and game expo in the town over and were taking the day to check that out. Emily, wanting to spend some time with the kids and give the married couple some real grown up time, offered to watch Henry and Michael while JJ and Will had a date day.

"Are you sure about this? Michael's a ball of energy."

"I'm sure," Emily said. "I can handle it. Hotch and the boys will help. We're going to have an awesome day. Aren't we Michael?"

"No," the boy said with a giant smile.

"In his language, that means yes," Emily translated. "Michael loves spending time with Auntie Emily, don't you?"

"No," he said again, hugging Emily and leaning into her chest.

"See, he's totally enamored."

"You're lucky I speak fluent Michael. Alright. We're going to go, but I'll keep my phone on if you need me."

"I won't need you. This isn't the first time we're hanging out. I expect you two to have a stress free, romantic day. Seriously. The boys are having a sleepover and I'm going to set up the portable crib in my room. You two don't worry about anything."

"Thank you, Emily," Will said.

"My pleasure. Now go. I'm going to spend my day outnumbered by men and hope I survive it."

They gave her a look.

"That's most of my days," she told them. "We're going to the aquarium. We have everything we need and we're going to have a good day."

"Good day," Michael copied.

"Now he's speaking my language. I'm going to go get him sun screened and in a swimmy diaper. Enjoy yourselves."

Tickling and talking with Michael, Emily walked away to join the other rug rats and Hotch. JJ and Will left for their couple time.

"Ready for the craziness?" Hotch asked when she came back inside.

"Bring it on," she said.

The day was crazy but wonderful. The older three were well behaved and loving all the exhibits at the aquarium. They showed up during feeding time at the seal enclosure and were able to help feed them by throwing fish into the water.

"They're catching it," Henry squealed. "So cool."

Emily made them scrub their hands after, but they all thought it was worth it. They spent a good amount of time there before going to the docks. Emily put life vests on all of them and they went out on paddle boats, Hotch in one with Henry and Nate, Emily in the other with Jack and Michael.

At the end of the day, they all went out for ice cream.

Michael made a mess of himself. When they got back to the house, Emily had half a mind to hose the boys off before letting them inside. There was sand all over them.

"The house is on the beach," Elizabeth told her. She was home from her "date." "Sand is expected. Let them in. Just get them in the shower."

"You heard the woman," Emily addressed the kids. "Shower, change, get ready for bed."

"Do we have to?"

"Yes. It's getting late, but, once your changed into your jammies, we can sit by the firepit and make s'mores. If you promise to brush your teeth after."

"We promise," they cheered.

"Then what are you waiting for? Get cleaned up. I don't want to see any sand on you. And Nate, don't take your shower too hot. You still have a bit of sunburn. Call me before you change, and I'll put some aloe on."

"Ok," he said, taking off with his friends.

"Tired yet?" Hotch asked.

"I'm ok. This little guy needs a bath, though."

"Tubby. Tubby," Michael excitedly chanted.

"Yeah, we're going to get you into the tubby. God he's so cute." Emily squeezed Michael and turned to Hotch. "Can you get the fire going? My mom has a bag with s'mores supplies in the kitchen."

"I can do that. Make fire," he joked in a caveman voice.

"I'll be back in a bit."

Emily, possibly, had more fun than Michael in the tub. She kept her bathing suit on and got in there with him. It was a bigger tub that was like sitting in a kiddy pool. She picked up a few toys for him when they were out and now they were playing with them. Mostly, though, just like at the beach, Michael liked to splash. He liked to make sure that everybody got as wet as he did.

"Ok. Enough splashing. I'm going to wash your hair. I have no idea how you got so much ice cream in it."

"Ice cream?"

"No. You already had ice cream."

"More."

"No more."

He pouted. "No wash."

"Yes. Look, me first," she said, taking the cup of water and pouring it over her head to wet her hair.

"I do. I do it."

"You want to do it? Ok."

She allowed him to pour the cup over her head and then he copied and did it to himself.

"Good job. What a big boy you are."

She managed to get the shampoo in his hair and some in hers, careful to wash the suds without getting any in his eyes.

"You're all clean," she said to Michael. "Time to get out."

"No. We play," he said. "Play."

"Play? But we need to get dressed. Don't you want to put your jammies on and go outside with Auntie Em and the boys?"

He shook his head.

"No? Then I guess you want to go to bed on time tonight."

"No. Outside."

"I thought so."

Emily stood up, letting the water drip from her body before stepping out of the tub and grabbing their towels. She wrapped Michael up like he was wearing a poncho and patted him dry. Once they were dry enough to dress, she put him in a fresh diaper and a onesie before checking on the other boys.

"Hotch did my lotion," Nate told Emily. "Can we go make s'mores now?"

"Yes. Invite Nana to come out and join us."

He nodded and called for Jack and Henry to hurry. He wanted the s'mores.

Elizabeth did join them as they sat on the back patio where the small fire pit was flaming, and the cozy seats surrounded it. They spent an hour out there enjoying the view and the company. Michael was up past his bedtime but didn't want to leave Emily's side. He stayed in her arms the whole evening.

"Time for bed, boys," Hotch finally said. They were all falling asleep.

"I'm going to turn in too," Elizabeth told them. "Goodnight all. See you in the morning."

"Then there were two… and a half," Emily said when the kids and Elizabeth took off.

"I think it's my turn to get ready for bed," Hotch told her.

"And this little man needs to rest. Way past his bedtime."

"I'll put out the fire. Go on inside."

"Don't need help?"

"Nope. I have it covered. Put him to bed and rest."

"Thanks Hotch."

"No problem."

The problem wasn't the cleanup, but Michael was dead set against leaving her side. When she tried to put him in his bed, even after the third attempt while he was passed out already, he just woke up and cried.

"Alright. I get it. No crib for you," she said, grabbing his blanket and heading out on to the balcony.

She made sure he was wrapped up nice and snuggly as they sat on the lounge chair. Emily enjoyed the view. The night sky was beautiful, and the moonlight glistened on the water. The sounds of crashing waves were soothing. She rocked Michael in her arms until he was fast asleep.

"You two look cozy," Hotch said, joining them on the balcony.

"Shh," she whispered, pointing to Michael.

"Sorry." He approached. "I brought a blanket for you."

"Thanks," she said as he placed the blanket on her.

"It's beautiful out here," he said, not looking out at the view.

"Gorgeous," she agreed. "Sit. Join us."

Emily patted the empty space on the side of the lounge for Hotch to fill. He accepted the invitation and slid beside them. Michael laid with his head resting on Emily's chest towards one side of her body while his legs fell over her lap. Using the other hand, she pulled the blanket over to share with Hotch.

"It's comfy out here."

"It is," she said, yawning.

"Kids wiped you out, huh?"

"A little, but they had a lot of fun today, and I'd do it all over again tomorrow."

"Me too," he agreed. "You're good with him," he said, referring to Michael.

"I'm as surprised by that as you are."

"I'm not surprised," he told her. "You're great with Nate and all the boys. Even on cases, you were great with kids."

"Thanks," she said. "I just… I spend the day with Michael like this and I wonder how it would have been. How I would have been with Nate. I didn't know him at this age. I don't know how things would be."

"I think you would have been amazing. You'd have raised him to be just amazing as he is now."

She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Taking care of a kid this age is exhausting. They get into everything, try to go everywhere, and constantly need stimulation, but there's nothing like it. I'm so tired, but I would have done it every day and loved every second if I had the chance."

"I'm sorry you didn't get that chance."

"Maybe it's for the best. I was a mess then. As much as I wish I had been there, I probably would have messed him up more."

"Hey," Hotch said, leaning his head on top her hers, arm around her shoulder. "Don't say that. Nate is a great kid and a lot of that is because of you. You've helped him so much in the short time you've had him."

"It's been a year."

"A good one, I hope."

"An amazing one."

She sighed and looked up at him.

"I've missed this," she said.

"What?"

"Us. Just hanging out. It's been a while."

"Too long," he agreed.

"Let's not wait so long again."

"Ok."

Somehow, their faces grew closer with each word. Their gazes were locked.

"This view really is spectacular."

"Truly."

Who led the action was unclear, but their lips touched, and they reacted, the kiss growing deeper and deeper. Despite the toddler between them, stray hands reached for the other, bodies inched closer… Whoever started it was null and void, because they were equally as guilty now…


	53. A Change in Scenery

**Chapter 53: A Change in Scenery**

Emily took off to France almost as soon as they were back in Virginia. Nate went to James' late in the afternoon on the day they returned and since Emily wasn't scheduled any days with him that week after their vacation, Emily decided to book a last-minute flight out.

"I'm coming," she told Val when she called him the night before. "I'm packing now and will be on the first flight out in the morning."

"You will stay with me, yes?"

"I… I was looking for a hotel, but I can. If that is what you want."

"Oui," he said. "Please. I cannot wait to see you, Mon Coeur."

"Me too, Val. Au revoir. I'll call once I land."

"Call before. I'll pick you up."

"Alright."

"I will be counting the moments until I see you."

She sighed, a horrible, horrible feeling of guilt engulfing her body. "Bye."

Almost angrily, she continued packing her bags. She didn't need too much, just enough to get by for a few days. Honestly, she wasn't packing with much care. She just wanted to get out of there. More than that, she _needed _to get out of there and away from… the kiss and the hurt and… Everything.

_The kiss grew deeper. His hand moved to her face. Waves crashing against the coast sounded in their backdrop. The intensity didn't die down. _

_Not until Michael stretched out in his sleep, his hand smacking them in the face. _

_A tad out of breath, they stopped, foreheads touching. _

"_What are we doing?" Emily asked. _

_Hotch didn't have an answer beyond the obvious. _

"_I need to put him to bed."_

"_Wait," he said when she started to get up._

"_Come to my room in a few minutes."_

_He silently nodded and helped her up the rest of the way. He offered to take Michael, but she declined. _

"_I got it," she said, leaving. _

_Michael was content in his sleep and went down easily this time. Once he was tucked in, he was down for the count, and Emily had it under good authority that he was a deep sleeper. Emily watched him sleep, his thumb going to his mouth, gently sucking. His wispy blonde hair was a mess, but she loved it. He had that perfect toddler look. _

_Hotch caught her still next to the crib, looking down at the content child. _

"_They're precious when they're that peaceful," said Hotch as he walked up beside her. _

"_Yeah."_

"_The boys are all sound asleep."_

"_Good. They had a busy day."_

"_A fun day," he added. _

"_Definitely."_

_She turned to look at him, moving away from Michael. Facing each other, his hands went to her hips, pulling her closer to him. She wrapped his arms around him, hugging him. He kissed the top of her head. _

"_It's ok," he said. _

"_Is it? What have we done?"_

"_I don't know…"_

"_I'm so tired," she cried. _

"_We can talk tomorrow."_

_She nodded into his chest and held on tighter. _

"_Stay," she whispered._

"_If I stay…"_

_She didn't let him finish. "Stay," she repeated. _

"_Ok," he whispered back._

_They laid there for a while, neither sleeping nor moving. Their bodies lay side by side, arms outstretched and hands grazing each other's, pinkies touching. They didn't talk about what happened, not yet. They didn't speak at all, and they didn't dare move any closer. At some point they fell asleep, bodies on their sides, facing each other, hands still touching. _

_That was how Emily woke, face only inches from Hotch's. Michael was fussing and aroused her from sleep. Pulling her hand out of Hotch's, she headed over to the crib. It was only 4. They had a few hours before they needed to be up. _

"_What's up, Michael? Did your dream wake you?"_

_He wasn't crying or upset, just fussing. When she spoke to him, he gave her the signal for up._

"_Ok. But only because you're so cute and we can both use some more sleep," Emily said as she took him into her arms. _

_She brought him back to bed with her. He laid on top of her and she rubbed gentle circles on his back, quickly getting him comfortable and back to sleep. _

_Still cradling Michael, Emily scooted down lower in bed. She looked over at sleeping Hotch beside her, and she couldn't help the knot that grew in her gut. It felt like the beginning of something dangerous or the end of something amazing. Neither, in honesty, was sure which route it was taking… _

Of course, Emily's last-minute travel plans and angry packing weren't completely centered around her lack of Nate time the coming week or her desperate want to see Val or even her passionate make out with Hotch on vacation.

Though, it was Hotch related.

She needed to get away. He made his choice. Now she had to make hers.

_After dropping Nate off with James, Emily returned home. The car ride from North Carolina was long and she had a lot on her mind. She needed to unpack and get things ready to go into the laundry. Vacations were great, but now it felt like she needed a vacation from her vacation. _

_They had been home for a few restless hours before Emily felt prepared enough to go talk with Hotch. They agreed that they would meet up that night and discuss things. It made for an anxious car ride, but they weren't avoiding anything. It felt like they were getting closer to being on the same page. _

_Of course, nothing was ever easy. _

_Emily, with a nervous flutter in her chest and an excited beat running through her body, grabbed a bag from the table and left her apartment to go to Hotch's. Jack was there, so she knew their talk wouldn't be deep and open until he was in bed, but she wanted to head over anyway. She didn't want to put it off. She wanted to talk to him. There were things they both needed to figure out together. _

_The nerves were truly alight when she reached the door. With a gentle hand, she knocked._

_Jack answered._

"_Hi Emily. Come in."_

"_Thanks Jack." She passed him the bag. "Here. Nate had these in his bag, but I think they're yours."_

_He opened it and peeked inside. "Yup. These are mine. Thanks. I was looking for them."_

"_No problem. Where's your dad?" she asked. _

"_Oh, he's outside in the patio area with Robin."_

_That caught Emily by surprise. Robin was there? She guessed that made sense. _

"_Ugh… How long has she been here?"_

"_Almost since we've been back."_

"_Oh-kay. Great. Ugh…"_

_The door opened behind them. Robin came in all smiley and happy. _

"_Oh, hi Emily."_

"_Hi Robin," she said, voice barely concealing her mixed feelings. _

"_What are you doing here?"_

_Quickly, Emily answered, "Just dropping off some of Jack's stuff that I found in Nate's bag. That's all."_

"_Alright. Thanks," Robin just ignored everything about her presence. "I'm just getting some drinks for Aaron and myself. Is there anything else you needed?"_

"_Uh… No. That's all."_

"_Great. Then bye," she said. "I'll tell Aaron you stopped by."_

_Dejected, Emily replied, "Don't bother. Bye Jack."_

"_Bye Emily," he said, face curious as she put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. _

_He knew he would probably see her again tomorrow, but it felt a lot like she was saying goodbye for a while. _

That was all it took. It was clear that either Hotch told Robin about their kiss and they decided it was fine and they would work through it, or he decided to keep it to himself.

It didn't matter which he chose. The point was he didn't even talk to her.

That was all she needed to get back to her apartment and find a flight for the next morning.

"I love last minute deals," she said as she booked.

Though, despite her decision to follow Hotch's lead, Emily was angry. She was fuming… but it made her able to compartmentalize her thoughts and feelings. She had been trying to do it less and less if only for Nate's sake, to teach him that better ways of coping existed.

But it was also a survival mechanism for her. She needed to push away things that she didn't know how to deal with. That was how she kept moving and that was what she had to do then.

Thus came the plans to take Val up on his offer.

She loved France, hadn't been to Bordeaux in some time, and thought, _why not?_

She didn't hear from Hotch that night. She stupidly expected at least a text. _I choose her_. Simple. Instead, she got nothing and spent the night awake, on edge, and ready to get the heck out of the US. Her bags were sloppily packed by the middle of the night. She was sure she missed some things and mixed clean and dirty clothes, but she didn't care.

Early the next morning, she called Elizabeth to let her know she'd be away.

"This is sudden," Elizabeth told her.

"Val invited me earlier in the summer, but the opportunity to go hadn't come up because I didn't want to miss any of my days with Nate. I don't have him at all this week, so I thought I'd go."

"So, you and Val are more serious than you let on?"

"I never let on either way. We're… We're getting there."

"Alright. Well, I won't keep you long. I'm sure you have things to get done and have a long flight ahead of you. Please, don't hesitate to call if you need anything and I'll check in on Nate while you're away."

"That would be great, Mom. I really enjoyed our time together in North Carolina."

"Me too," Elizabeth told her. "Are you sure everything is ok? You seem… unsettled."

"I just have a lot on my mind with so much travel, but I'll be fine once I'm on the plane. I'll let you know that I got there safely."

"Please do."

"I should go. Bye Mom."

"Bye Dear. Have a safe and fun trip."

"Thanks. Talk soon."

After, she called Nate and sent out a text to everyone except for Hotch. _Heading to France for the week. See you when I get back. _

She didn't elaborate or give them any other details. She just sent the message and put her phone on silent after calling for a car.

There was a lot of time to think on the plane. She intended to and tried to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. Instead, she just thought about Hotch and Val and the war between her feelings for the two brewing in her head.

When the plane touched down, she was still as unsettled and restless as before, only maybe more so. She had ignored her phone and would have to face whatever messages may have come in. She also couldn't tell whether she was hoping there would be something from Hotch or that there wouldn't be.

After deplaning, Emily went right past baggage claim and to customs. She didn't bring more than a carryon and just wanted out of the airport. Before she could leave, she needed to let Val know she was there. Still ignoring the plethora of messages waiting, she called Val. He said he'd pick her up, but she opted to take a taxi. Being trapped in a car with him with so much on her mind seemed like a bad idea.

During the ride, Emily started to filter through her messages. The ones from JJ and Penelope were a little more curious and begging for details, though she could detect some worry from JJ for the impromptu trip. Spontaneity like this wasn't her normal, not since Nate came into her life. A part of her was always a planner, but she enjoyed going with the flow. With Nate, she didn't want to just jump. She had to think.

So they worried about her rash action. She promised to call and give them the details when she got back. For now, she said, she just wanted to enjoy herself. The ones from the guys basically said to have fun, be careful, and let them know when she got back. She appreciated that they didn't ask why or anything about her decision to go even if she was sure they were curious, too.

She was tempted to delete the texts from Hotch before even reading them, but the better part of her told her not to. Most of them were just asking where she was, why she didn't pick up one of his several calls, what was going on, they needed to talk, and things like that.

Shaking her head, she just put her phone away. She didn't listen to the voicemail or respond. This trip wasn't about him. She wasn't going to let it be about him.

Meanwhile, Hotch was frantic. During the car ride, while his mind was on that kiss – the kisses – he was kept occupied with the kids and keeping them entertained. Once they got back to the apartment building, he wanted to just take Emily aside and talk with her, to make sure she didn't run away from him again, but they both knew it wasn't the right time.

"I know you need to get Nate ready to bring to James and we both have some unpacking to do, but we should talk."

"We should talk," she agreed. "I can come by tonight after I get some things done. That gives you and Jack a chance to do what you need to as well."

"Tonight," he said. He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, just slightly catching her lips. "Tonight," he repeated.

Only things got in the way. He went to his apartment, Emily went to hers, and their plans never happened the way they were supposed to.

Barely an hour after Hotch and Jack got home, there was a knock on the door. Hotch and Jack were hungry. They didn't stop for dinner and were looking for something easy to eat that night. They settled on burgers. He was just getting things ready to barbeque on the grill in the patio area and asked Jack to answer the door.

"Dad," Jack called out. "It's Robin."

He wasn't expecting her. He did let her know he was home but told her he and Jack just wanted a quiet night in and that he would try to see her after work the next day. Truthfully, he wanted to have that conversation with Emily before seeing Robin. Now he didn't get a choice in the matter. She was there and he either had to rudely ask her to leave, confront the situation head on, or act normal until he sent her on her way and could talk to Emily.

He chose the latter. He could have chosen to be completely honest right off the bat, and maybe that was what he should have done, but he felt he owed it to Emily to talk with her before making any decisions.

"Robin," he greeted her.

"I don't warrant a bigger hello?" she teased.

"Sorry," said Hotch, "I just… wasn't expecting you."

"Thought I'd stop by and welcome some of my favorite guys home."

"We're just about to have dinner. Ugh…" He looked to Jack, hoping he would give him an excuse to make her leave. "Join us?"

"Absolutely."

The only thing he could say about the rest of the night was that he was rushing through it. He took her outside with him to grill, kept up conversation as best he could, and, all the while, was thinking about his talk with Emily. Next thing he knew, night became day and there was no talk between them.

Robin didn't go home, and Emily never came over, so he had no clue what to think. It wasn't until the next morning when Robin finally left that Jack mentioned Emily even coming over the night before.

"Yeah," he told his father. "She brought me a bag with my stuff that Nate had. Robin saw her, and Emily looked a little… I don't know. Sad, I guess. Confused? Not sure, but she left pretty quickly. I don't think they're friends," Jack explained.

"I would have liked to hear about this sooner."

"Sorry, Dad. You and Robin were a little preoccupied with each other. I didn't see the big deal. Figured you'd have invited her to dinner or talked to her at some point anyway."

Well, normally he would have.

"Alright. I need to head out to work. Aunt Jessica is going to pick you up in an hour."

"Dad, I don't need a babysitter anymore."

"I know you don't. But now it's your turn to help her out with all your cousins."

"Do I have to?"

"Today, yes. Every day, no. Your grandparents are visiting, so behave. We'll talk about it when I get home tonight."

"Fine."

Hotch left Jack to his own devices as he grabbed his briefcase and made a pitstop at Emily's place. He knocked a few times, and then a few times more, and there was no answer.

"Emily? Emily it's Hotch," he said. "Are you home?"

He tried calling her. She didn't answer and he couldn't hear a ring through the door. So he called again. Nothing. When he went to his car, he saw that hers was still there.

It wasn't until he showed up at work, worried about things, that he learned her whereabouts.

"You ok man?" Derek asked him.

"Fine."

"You look worried. What's up?"

"Emily wasn't answering her phone this morning or answering her door, but her car was in the lot. I don't know whether I should be worried."

"She didn't tell you?" Derek asked.

"Tell me what?"

"She left for France this morning. I didn't get a lot of detail, but she said her plane left this morning and she would be back by the end of the week."

"Oh…"

"She must have forgotten your name in the group text."

"Must have," he said, though it felt more methodical to him.

Hotch told Derek to have everyone to head to the round table room and he'd meet them shortly. Once alone, he attempted to get in touch with Emily again.

"You're in France," he asked into the voicemail. "With Val? I… I know how things looked when you saw Robin at my place. I don't want to talk about this through a voicemail. This is the third I'm leaving today. Please call me. Please. We should talk. I… You really went to be with Val? Is that where you are? I just want to talk to you. Alright… It's clear you're not going to answer. I guess we'll talk later."

He was dejected, and she wasn't fairing any better.

Upon getting to Val's home in Bordeaux, Emily was greeted with as much love as one could hope for. Val was there with open arms and the biggest smile. Emily so wanted to return the love with as much fervor. She did her best, but it didn't feel near enough.

"Welcome," he told her. "Madelaine is out for the rest of the evening, shopping with her mother, but will return in time for a late supper."

"I'm looking forward to meeting her."

"Come, let me take your bag and show you around," he said.

The house was lovely, everything was perfect, and Emily didn't feel right about being there. She didn't feel right about anything.

"Are you well?" Val asked when Emily spaced out.

"Tired. I've spent a lot of time in the air or in a car the last two days."

"Would you like to rest?"

"No," she quickly responded. "I'd like to spend some time with you."

"I'd like that too."

They cuddled up on the sofa together and he asked her all about her trip with Nate.

"Papa," a girl yelled. "Papa je suis à la maison."

"Madelaine," he called back, telling her they were in the kitchen. "Come meet Emily."

"Emily," she said. "What a pleasure it is to meet you."

"You too, Madelaine. Your father has told me all about you."

Emily couldn't believe how unalike the two looked. Where Val had hair as dark as midnight and eyes like sapphires, she was fair haired and brown eyed. She was beautiful, no doubt, but the pictures she had seen barely did the girl justice.

The two women hugged and began talking while Val cooked for them. Over dinner, Emily shared stories of her youth, the appropriate ones. More specifically, she talked about her time in France like spending summers in the Alps and how she loved Paris in the winter.

Madelaine was enamored with the stories of travel and adventure, things she came to ask more and more about as the days passed. It was easy getting to know the girl, and that made Emily feel guilty. There were times when they were getting on well, deep in conversation, a smiling, content Val watching, and all Emily wanted to do was run or vomit. What was she doing? She shouldn't have been forging this bond when the state of their relationship was up in the air.

Hotch kept calling and she kept ignoring the calls. It all made her feel worse. Eventually, she had to deal with it, but she didn't want to face the pain of rejection.

Late at night, after Val asked her what was going on with all the missed calls and she defensively snapped at him, she decided to face it.

She listened to Hotch's messages, some of them, before calling him. As she was hoping, she got his voicemail.

"Please stop calling," she said. "I know I left hastily, but I did what I thought was right. I realize now that we were just a victim of proximity. We spent so much time together that we were bound to feel… something. But you made it clear that you want to be with Robin. I accept that. I'm trying my best to make this relationship with Val work. I don't know what to do about us. I don't know what to tell him. I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time… You hurt me," she shifted back. "But your choice is your own. Please give me the chance to deal with it. Please stop calling. Give Jack my love. Bye Hotch."

It was a horrible voicemail and she didn't even touch on any of the things she wanted to or should have, but it was enough to free her mind. It was enough to say she made her choice, too. It was Val. He loved her, and she could love him… They could make it work.

Still, she was keeping a secret from Val that she didn't feel right about it. She also didn't feel right about coming all this way and dropping that on him. It didn't seem fair. She was just very conflicted. She truly believed she loved Val. But her feelings for Hotch and their continued connection made her question whether she was in love with him. And Hotch wanted Robin… But it wasn't fair for her to make Val the guy she settled for. He deserved so much more.

Why? Why was this happening? She really had to figure out things with Val. The one thing was clear. She didn't want to hurt him. That seemed inevitable.

It didn't help matters that Madelaine liked Emily so much. Emily saw a lot of herself in the teen which wasn't completely a good thing. She saw things that worried her, things that made her believe Madelaine was heading down the same path she was as a teen.

She felt obligated to tell Valentin but didn't want him to feel she was overstepping. She really held no set place in Madelaine's life and her grasp on the position she held in Val's wasn't cemented either.

Everything felt so up in the air for her. She was frazzled and frustrated and just going through the motions. Honestly, she wanted to call Hotch and ask him what to do about Madelaine. She settled for asking JJ who told her she should bring it up with Val. She still urged to call Hotch and talk with him, get his opinion. To hear his voice…

Obviously, she ignored that instinct, especially after leaving Hotch that message. As time went on, Val realized something was wrong and confronted her about it.

"You've been distracted since arriving," he told her. "What is it? What is wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she assured him.

"Talk to me," he said. "Please. I want to help."

"Your daughter reminds me a lot of myself at her age."

"Is Madelaine the problem? Has she done something? Are you not happy to spend time with her?"

"That's not it, Val. She's great and I'm enjoying getting to know her," even if the guilt was giving her an ulcer. "But, as your girlfriend and as someone who has been there, I… I think I should tell you that I'm worried about her."

"Why?"

Emily told him that she caught her sneaking in late at night after they had gone to bed, high.

"Madelaine does not do drugs."

"Maybe I'm wrong," Emily said. "But I don't think I am. I've seen the signs. I've lived through it. She's acting out and it can't be ignored."

He was clearly not happy with her line of thought and was insistent on denying any possibility that his daughter wasn't the perfect angel he thought she was. She had seen it before, often on cases when they talked to parents. She should have known to approach this differently, but it was like she wanted him to be mad at her.

She deserved that.

"I didn't want to upset you."

"You did."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just had to tell you what I thought just in case I was right."

"You're not," he insisted.

"Ok… I said what I needed to, I'm sorry I offended you, and that's that."

"I forgive you. But I do not like this kind of talk about Madelaine."

"I understand. I won't bring it up again."

"Good."

Emily just looked at him with pursed lips, holding back the rest she needed to tell him.

"I am sorry I rose my voice. That is not polite and not necessary."

"It's ok," she said. "Let's just move on."

"Fine."

When they went to bed that night, Emily, knowing she only had one more day with him and a choice to make asked him, "Hold me?"

"Yes," he said, snuggling up behind her, arm wrapping around her body.

She didn't sleep at all. She just laid there, hoping to find some peace, but just like the rest of the week, her mind was too busy to allow that.

"You look tired. You have looked tired and sad since your arrival. It is not about Madelaine. Why will you not speak to me?"

"I want to… I'm just… afraid."

"You can tell me anything."

She hadn't even had coffee yet, and she was about to bare everything to him.

Sitting across from him at the table, she met his eyes and took a deep breath. "Something happened while I was away with Nate and everyone. Something with Hotch."

"What happened?" Val asked, afraid by the answer.

"We kissed…"


	54. Times are Changing

**Chapter 54: Times are Changing**

Sitting across from him at the table, she met his eyes and took a deep breath. "Something happened while I was away with Nate and everyone. Something with Hotch."

"What happened?" Val asked, afraid by the answer.

"We kissed…"

Hopeful, he asked, "Kiss like I would kiss a friend hello?"

He mimicked the action and she shook her head no.

"Kiss, then, like you and I would kiss?"

She didn't move to respond, and he understood, but he needed to hear her say it.

"Emily."

"Yes."

His anger became visible. He started to pace and yell, not really at her, but out loud, cursing in French and venting.

When the yelling came to a lull, Emily said, "I'm sorry. I…"

"You have been here for a week and said nothing. Why? Why come here if you are not interested in me any longer?"

She didn't get a chance to say anything.

"Did I introduce you to my daughter just for this to be over?"

"What?" she asked, heart breaking.

It was happening. They were over, she knew it. She messed it up.

Finally getting to the point where, though angry still, not shaking with anger, Val sat down with her again.

"Why did you not tell me sooner?"

"I didn't know what to say. I just… I wanted to forget about it."

"Did he hurt you?" Val asked in outrage. Emily was quick to diffuse that.

"No Val… He didn't." Momentarily, she found herself wishing he did. At least then she'd have an excuse for what she did. "It wasn't planned. It's not something that's going to happen again. It was just… We just kissed and then it was over."

"It meant nothing?"

"No. It didn't mean anything. We are friends. Nothing else. I love you."

"I love you too, Emily, but I need time to think. I have more questions and things we must discuss, but I cannot think about it right now. I need some time and space."

"I thought you might," Emily said, standing from the table. "I'm going to spend the night at a hotel."

He looked at her but didn't speak.

"I'm sorry that I did this," she said. "I'm sorry that I came here acting like it didn't happen." A tear slipped from her eye. "I just… I love you. And I really did want this to work. I know I made a mistake. I know I shouldn't have waited to tell you. Truthfully, I came here to tell you in person and then I couldn't do it. I didn't want to hurt you."

"You did."

"I know, and I hurt Madelaine. I will always regret that." She sighed. "I'm going to grab my things and head over to a hotel by the airport. I'm leaving midday tomorrow. I hope I'll see you before then."

She got up with s sniffle and approached. When it looked like he was open to it, she kissed him on the cheek and left. There was a weight lifted from her shoulders, but a new one placed on. Her relationship was in limbo and it was no one's fault but her own.

Hastily packing her bag, throwing things in, she zipped it up and waited outside for the car. She was trying to keep herself from crying, but she was emotional. This was probably one of the few healthy relationships she had throughout her life, and she may have ruined it. Strike may have, she did ruin it.

It wasn't until she was checked in and alone in her room that she let the emotion go until there was nothing left to come out. There was nothing else she could do. She told him, and now it was up to Val. She could beg and grovel, but the decision was still his. She had to leave it up to him.

She tried to keep her mind occupied, but the hurt was there. Mostly, she did nothing all day. She packed, unpacked, and repacked her bag. She stuffed the souvenirs in there and made sure everything was set for her travel. That was the extent of her day.

Emily was laying on the bed, sulking, when there was a knock. She wasn't expecting room service or anyone, so she felt an almost hopeful feeling as she got up to answer.

"Val?" she said, with wide, excited eyes. He was there… She just hoped it wasn't to officially break up with her. Or maybe she did?

"May I come in?"

"Yes. Please."

She stepped out of the way and allowed him in, waiting for him to say more.

Finally, as he sat down on her bed, waiting for her to approach, he asked, "It happened only once?"

Only once while they were together. "Yes."

"Tell me all that happened."

He had her explain everything leading up to the kiss. She did so in the simplest of terms, no details and under embellishing the actual kiss.

"I don't understand how you let this happen."

"Neither do I," she said.

"But it did."

"Yes…"

"I am angry. Very angry. My trust is hurt, and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for you."

"That's not true, Val," her voice was pleading. "You're amazing. I'm not good enough for you."

He looked her over. Whatever she was feeling for Hotch, she was genuinely remorseful for what she did to him and was putting him through. She was many things, but never before was she a cheater. He could see that she was sincerely upset.

"You do not wish for it to happen again, do you?"

"No…" _Maybe?_ "No Val, I want to be with you." That part was true. She genuinely felt they were good together, could be great. "I want to make this work. I want a chance to fix this."

"I still need time. I need to think. We will discuss more when I return to America."

She solemnly nodded. "Until then? Are we… Are we broken up?"

"I don't want to be," he said. "I will not see anyone else, and I hope you will not either. But I am confused about your feelings for Hotch and problems with your friendship, now. I cannot trust him, and I don't know if I can completely trust you, especially around him."

"You can."

"How?" he asked. "I see how close you are. You spend more time with him than you ever have with me. You have a separate life that I am no part of."

"I didn't mean for it to be that way."

"I know. But, from the beginning, you have kept important things from me. Not lies, but not the whole truth. You never really let me in with Nate. Now you kiss another man. I don't know what to do with this."

"I don't either."

"Do you have any feelings for him? Any beyond friendship?"

"I…" Didn't have an answer.

"You don't know?" He sighed again, a deep, weighty sigh. "I love you Emily."

"I love you too."

"But you need to figure out what it is you want. Or who."

"I want you."

"I'm not sure you even know if that's true. I cannot stay here with you tonight, but I didn't want you to leave so sad… I will be back in America next week. We will talk then. Think about if this is what you want. We can be something wonderful, but not if you're unsure."

She nodded, tears pooling once again.

"If we are to work, I need to be a part of your life. You need to let me be a part of it. You need to want me and only me."

"I'm sorry," she repeated to him. "I really didn't want to hurt you."

"What happened, happened. Now we must deal with it. I wish it didn't happen. I wish I looked at you and wasn't upset. But I still love you."

A sad smile broke through on her lips. He walked over to her, put his hands on her cheeks, and pulled her in for a kiss repeating, "I still love you."

Pulling apart, he wished her safe travels and said they would talk soon but said it in a way that let her know what happened next really fell heavily on her shoulders. She understood. She was the one that did something wrong. She was the one to mess things up and hurt him. Now, her confusion was hurting him more because he knew it wasn't as easy as a meaningless kiss that could be chalked up to a mistake. There were feelings there, and she needed to learn just what those feelings were.

She felt as alone as she was when he left, wondering what she was supposed to do next. Mostly, she just wanted to be home with Nate. No matter what was happening, he made her feel better, which was why, despite the rollercoaster of emotion she was feeling, when she got on the plane the next morning, she did so with a smile.

Things were messed up for her, but they were no less messed up for Hotch.

When Emily didn't return his calls or messages, he kept trying until he got her message. It came early in the morning while he was away on a case. He was just getting into the hotel room after wrapping up the case when he saw the missed call on his personal phone.

Seeing the voicemail from Emily, he didn't hesitate to press play.

"Please stop calling," Emily said, and hearing that sent a pang through his chest. "I know I left hastily, but I did what I thought was right. I realize now that we were just a victim of proximity. We spent so much time together that we were bound to feel… something. But you made it clear that you want to be with Robin. I accept that. And I am trying my best to make this relationship with Val work. I don't know what to do about us. I don't know what to tell him. I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time… You hurt me." He could hear the quiver in her voice. "But your choice is your own. Please give me the chance to deal with it. Please stop calling. Give Jack my love. Bye Hotch."

The message, though her words were clear, left him confused. What choice did he make that would cause her to run to Val? He wanted to talk to her first and see where she was leaning, but she would have been his choice. If she wanted to know where his head was at, that was what he was going to tell her. He wanted them to try. He wanted it since the first kiss. He was just giving her time to figure out if she wanted the same. Robin… Well, he didn't want to hurt her, but he also couldn't break up with her with Jack there. He just wanted to know he wasn't throwing away a good relationship because of something she thought was a mistake. He wanted her to have the time.

Maybe that was their problem. They gave each other too much time to think things through and it cost them opportunities.

He went to bed with the message replaying in his mind. There were many sleepless moments through the night when he was tempted to reach over to his phone and call her. He wanted to ask her to come home, to leave Val and be with him. Ultimately, he just wanted her to be happy. If working on her relationship with Val did that, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

That left him with another conundrum. What was he to do? Was he supposed to tell Robin? Break up with her? If he couldn't have Emily, was it fair to be with Robin? He loved her, too, but clearly not in the way he should. There was a lot of confusion running through his mind, and all he wanted to do was talk to Emily. She was the only one he could talk to about it.

Of course, he could bring it up to Dave or even JJ, but he didn't know if Emily wanted anyone to know. What happened was between them, and maybe it wasn't something they should share. That could only create more problems.

No. He had to not think about it. He would respect Emily's wishes while she was away and talk to her the first chance he got, which couldn't come soon enough.

She didn't get in until Saturday morning. He had been checking her apartment and the lot every day, sometimes two or three times a day, since he returned from his case. Robin continued to drop by, and he made himself available to her. When Jack wasn't home, he went to her place. It was working. He was in the moment with her, even if his head was also elsewhere. Most of the time…

"What's going on, Aaron?" Robin asked. "You seem a little distracted."

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about work, but I'm here. I swear. Why don't we do something fun? It's nice out. We can go to the fair they're having at the park I saw on my way over."

"Will you win me a goldfish?"

"Only if you promise not to kill it. I've seen your plants."

"Okay, so we'll skip the fish. I'm not pet material. How about some funnel cake then?"

"I think I can manage that."

"Great. Let's go."

Jack was at a friend's, so the two of them went alone. They had fun. They played carnival games and ate all the junk food. They even had a cute moment when Robin got powdered sugar on her nose. But, through it all, Robin could see that he still had something on his mind.

"Are you ok?" Robin asked leading him to a table, hand in hand. "Is there something going on at work?"

"No. Really, it's nothing."

"It's something. Talk to me."

"I'm not sure you really want to hear it."

"I do," she assured him, her hand reaching across the picnic table to lay atop his. "Talk to me."

"It's about Emily."

"Oh… Look. I know I was jealous in the beginning when our relationship was new and she seemed to be everywhere and involved in everything, but I'm not as insecure as I may have seemed then. I love you, and I know you love me. I trust you. I've been hurt in the past, so I get scared, but I'm ok with you and her being friends, and if you're worried about her or something involving her, I don't want you to keep it from me just because you're worried about how I'll take it."

"Thanks." He was grateful to hear those words, but now, he wished they were never spoken. It felt like a knife to the gut because she was telling him that she loved and trusted him, and he was keeping the fact that he broke that trust from her.

"So, what's going on?"

He, rightfully, felt guilty talking to her about Emily. He was resolved to wait until he talked with Emily before telling Robin anything, but that didn't mean he felt right about keeping things from her or that he even could. He didn't want to hurt her, especially not after learning about her past.

After her initial discomfort with Emily and their unintentional double date dinner disaster, Robin told him about her past relationship and, more importantly, how it ended. Her ex cheated on her for over half of their four-year relationship. To make matters worse, he cheated with a friend of hers and had the gull to blame her. He told her she was always away for work and never had time for him, so he found someone who did.

He understood why she acted the way she did with Emily, and he knew, in hindsight, that maybe he gave her just cause to do so. Now he proved her right. No, they didn't sleep together, but he cheated, nonetheless. Perhaps, a part of him was having an emotional affair with Emily the whole time. It wasn't intentional, but he did break the trust. He spent a lot of time thinking about, talking with, and spending time with Emily. For that, for hurting her, he was sorry.

"She took off to France without any notice. She hasn't talked to anyone on the team or answered any texts from me. I'm just… I'm worried something is wrong."

None of that was a lie, but he wasn't going to blurt out the deeper reason for his worry.

He was starting to think there was something wrong with him. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be in any relationship after Haley.

"Sounds to me like she's on another vacation. This time with Val."

"Yeah. It was just so sudden."

"You tried calling her?"

"Yes."

"Have you tried calling her family? They would know what's going on, right? She has a son and he has a father, plus you just went on vacation with her and her mother, too. What do they have to say?"

"They're not worried."

"Then you shouldn't be either. She probably just wanted some alone time with Val. Nothing wrong with that."

"You're right. I'm sorry I even brought it up."

"I'm not. I'm glad we can talk about things." She smiled and squeezed his hand again. "You still look like you have something on your mind."

"I do."

"Well, we're sitting at a secluded picnic bench with a little time on our hands. I'm all ears."

"I just… I want you to know that I care about you. I love you." All true.

"I know that," she said. "I love you too."

"But I have to tell you something. It's… I did something… Something that will hurt you and that I don't want to keep from you."

The moment had come. He had to do it. He didn't want to string her along and that was what it felt like he was doing. At the very least, he needed to give her all the facts to decide their fate.

She pulled her hand away, her back stiffened, and she looked like she was ready to pounce if the need came about.

She asked, "What did you do?"

"I know it will hurt you, and I am so sorry for that. I just want you to know that. I don't want to hurt you but I don't want to keep things from you either."

Her voice was hard and tense, "Say it."

He took a quick breath, met her eyes, and said, "I kissed someone else."

Her mouth fell open just a bit, a tiny gasp sound escaping before she sucked in a heavy breath.

"I'm not going to make excuses. I'm not going to say I was drunk or I didn't know what I was doing because even if those things were true, they don't change my actions. I did something without thinking about the consequences and without thinking about what I would be doing to you and us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've hurt you."

"When?" she asked, ignoring his speech.

"That doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," she insisted.

"Knowing the details won't change the hurt you're feeling. It was one kiss and it won't happen again."

"How do I know that?"

Her eyes were already glassy and the Hotch's stomach was already churning with the vitriol oil of self-hate. How could he hurt her like this?

"I know I broke the trust we've built, and I know you feel hurt and betrayed, but I didn't plan to do this. It only happened once, and it will not happen again."

"But how do I know that if you don't tell me everything?"

"What will the details do for you?" he asked. "Knowing won't change anything. It happened. It happened, and I'm so sorry that I did this to you."

"Why did you do it? If you're so sorry, why did you do it? You won't tell me when it happened or with who… Just that you're sorry… I… Did it happen with someone I know?"

He didn't want to lie to her. He was hoping to get through this without giving all the details and, honestly, he didn't know how he thought that would work. But he also wasn't thinking. He wasn't planning on telling her until he talked to Emily. He wanted to understand himself what happened before divulging something he knew would hurt his girlfriend.

"You're not even listening," he heard Robin say. "Do you even care at all?"

"Of course, I do. I can't change what I did, and…"

"Would you do it again?"

"What?"

"If you could go back and undo it, would you?"

"Yes," he answered honestly. He couldn't say for sure that he would change that he kissed Emily, but he would change when and how it happened. "I swear, I hate that I hurt you. That doesn't make up for anything, but I am telling you the truth, despite knowing it would hurt you, because I didn't want to lie to you."

Robin searched his eyes for something – for any kind of remorse, and it was there. She believed that he didn't want to hurt her. He knew of her past and talked in depth about things. He was a good guy, she knew, and hadn't done the same thing her ex did, but it hurt anyway. She couldn't help the feeling that there was more to the story.

Wiping a lone tear from her cheek, she asked him, "It was her, wasn't it?"

"Who?"

"Emily. You and Emily kissed?"

He just looked at her, and that was all the confirmation she really needed.

"It was her, wasn't it?" she repeated.

He had no plans to lie. She asked, and he told her the truth. With a regretful tone, he replied, "Yes."

Robin bit her lip, holding it there between her teeth as she debated what to say next. She was hurt, clearly, and just confused.

"Was it really just a kiss?" she asked, voice much calmer than she was feeling.

"It was just a kiss. I swear to you that nothing else happened."

Was it ever just a kiss though? Physically, yes, but emotionally, probably not.

She let out a shaky breath and he saw the emotion in her eyes. He truly never meant to hurt her. He just acted without thinking and it was an issue.

"I'm not sure that matters," Robin said. "Can you take me home now?"

He nodded. She said nothing, and when he offered his hand to escort her to the car, she didn't take it.

Not a good sign.

He opened the door for her, waiting for her to get her feet in before closing it and getting in the driver's seat. The actual car ride was awkward. Robin sat silently, leaning her head against the window. Hotch wanted to ask her something, anything, but he couldn't think of one good question to ask or anything to say. Nothing would make things ok.

In this situation, he was the bad guy, and that wasn't something he was used to. Maybe it seemed like he was the bad guy to Haley, but he was just doing his job. She didn't like that, but he sure didn't feel like the bad guy all the time. Now, he did something wrong. He cheated. There was no excusing that or getting around the fact. He had to live with that, and he hurt someone he truly did care about.

He had his doubts about her at first. She was jealous and insecure about their relationship, but once he got to know her and her reasons for acting that way, he understood and saw past it. Even after that dinner, Robin accepted his friendship with Emily and he proved that she shouldn't have, that her insecurities weren't just insecurities.

Neither he nor Emily were used to the feeling that things going sour were truly all their fault. He didn't know what Robin wanted yet, but he knew he couldn't beg her to stay with him and make things work when he was clearly conflicted. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have kissed Emily, would he have?

Honestly, he believed he loved Robin, just not in the way she needed to be loved or the kind of love they needed to sustain a long-term romantic relationship. That was something he realized during his week away. Still, the kiss should've waited until he broke up with Robin.

He sighed as he pulled into her driveway. The car in park, they both sat there, waiting.

Finally, Robin made the first move. She looked to him and said, "I guess this is it."

"Robin…"

"No. Stop. Don't apologize again. It doesn't change anything."

"I know, but I am sorry for hurting you."

"I believe you. I know you're a good guy, and that's why I took a chance with you. The truth is I don't think I was ready to be in a relationship. I only broke up with my ex a few months before we met, and I still have things to work out about that. I think you have some things to work out too."

"Maybe."

"I did love you. I do," Robin said.

He nodded and sadly replied, "I love you too. I always meant that."

"You're not the guy for me, and I'm not the woman for you. And that's ok. We had fun, didn't we?"

He listened to her shaky voice and reached out for her hand, happy when she didn't pull away.

"I did. I hope you truly did too."

"I was really hoping it would work out."

"Me too."

"Not all relationships are made to last. Sometimes, they are to give you what you need in the moment and, maybe you did that for me. You showed me there are still good guys out there, even if they sometimes hurt you too."

"I'm sorry."

"I know, hon. It was… For a while there, you made me feel special and accepted. That was what I needed. I think a part of me always knew it wouldn't work out. There was always something between us. Someone," she said. "I'm not going to be sad we're ending. This is how it's meant to be."

"You helped me too," he said. "Made me see that I can find love again."

"I think you already have," she told him. "Don't be afraid to go after it." Robin opened the car door and got out.

He followed her lead and met up with her on her side of the car.

They were standing inches apart saying nothing until she sighed.

"Robin," he started.

She held her hand up to stop him.

"I loved getting to know Jack. He's a great kid."

"Thank you."

"Will you tell him I said that. And that I said goodbye?"

"I will."

She squeezed her eyes shut and he gripped her hand again, tighter this time.

"I can't say I'm happy about the way this ended, but I am happy that I met you and took a chance on you."

"I am too."

"I'm angry, but I know that you wouldn't have done this to me if it was anyone else but her. You guys have a history that's bigger than ours and something I'll never understand. That doesn't make this easier."

"I truly never wanted to hurt you."

"Like I said, I know you didn't. You could have lied to me. You could have done more with her… You didn't. You had the decency to tell me, and I appreciate that."

"I hope you don't feel like I led you on."

She shook her head. "I don't. I'm hurt, yes, but you're blind. Don't be blind anymore."

He smiled. "I'll try not to."

"Fight for her."

"What if…"

"No. I can't be the Emily sounding board. I'm angry at both of you, but I had a feeling this would be the outcome one way or another. It was making me a little crazy too. We both got something out of this, and I'm choosing to remember that and work on letting the anger and hurt pass. Hopefully, it will soon."

He held his tongue, another sorry ready to pass his lips. When she was receptive, he pulled her into a hug. Whatever happened between them, he was happy and grateful for their time together.

"You'll find someone worthy of your love. You're amazing," he whispered to her.

"Thank you. I know I will. We both will." She pulled away. "Goodbye Aaron."

"Goodbye Robin."

"Talk to her. Ok? I… Don't let all of this be for nothing."

He nodded and told her to call if she ever needed anything and told her not to give up on love.

"We all get hurt sometimes, but not everyone is an asshole."

"Maybe not. But I need some time to just be by myself for a while. Get cheated on twice and you just need a breather."

She laughed, a bitter laugh to cover her tears.

"Go home. Wait for her. I'm going to take care of myself."

Hotch said his apologies one last time before getting in his car and driving home. Robin was right. While it wasn't what either was expecting, they both got something they needed out of their relationship. He didn't regret being with her. He didn't regret anything about their relationship except the way he forced the end. She didn't deserve to be hurt again, and he hoped she could move past it without any more heartache.

He got home with a lightness to him. He was relieved that the kiss was out in the open, that he wasn't lying to his girlfriend, and, maybe, a little relieved that they were broken up. It could have been worse. It could have been better. But now he was free to do what was best for him and Robin was free to do what was best for her.

Unfortunately for him, it was never that easy.


	55. Sex Education

**Chapter 55: Sex Education**

Robin called Hotch the day after their breakup. She wished she didn't need to, but she left some things at his place and needed them back, especially one of her badges that she needed for work. She asked if it would be ok if she stopped by that weekend to just pick the stuff up.

He offered to bring it to her, wanting to make things easier, but she declined. She told him it would save them both time and effort if she just came and did it herself.

"I'm trying to be ok with everything," she told him, "I will be. I'm working on it, but I think it's best if I just come and do it. That way nothing gets left behind, and we don't have to do this again."

In other words, she wanted it to be as clean a break as they could manage. She needed to not see him for a while and was only doing this because there were things there that she needed. Replacing them wasn't an option.

"I understand."

Hotch told her that he and Jack had plans Saturday morning, so if she preferred to come while he was out, she was welcome to. She had a key to his place that she could use and then leave there when she left. She appreciated the gesture and said she'd take him up on that.

"Thank you," she said and hung up.

They didn't talk again at all. Saturday morning, Robin sent a text just asking about what time to come. They set it up so that she would be in his apartment as Hotch was taking Jack to the bookstore. He had one last book to finish for summer reading and it was a book of his choice, so they would be perusing before heading to an early movie and out to lunch. School was starting up soon which would mean less time to spend together, so they were using the free time they had now to their advantage.

Before they left, Jack noticed his father putting some things in a box, girl things that he knew to be Robin's.

"Is everything ok with you and Robin?" Jack asked.

"Not really, Jack. We ugh… Well, we broke up."

"Oh," Jack said, lips pursed for a second. "I'm sorry, Dad. Are you ok?"

"I am. She is a good woman, and I enjoyed our time together, but it wasn't the relationship either of us needed."

"Chelsea and I are over too," Jack said, to his father's surprise. "I didn't call her enough over the summer."

Hotch wanted to laugh but held it back.

"You have plenty of time to find the right woman Jack. Feel whatever you're feeling, but don't let it hold you back."

It was the best advice he could give his son.

"You too, Dad." Jack smiled and then offered to help pack up the things.

"I have it covered. She's going to come while we're out. She did want me to tell you that she enjoyed getting to know you and she's sorry it didn't work out."

"She grew on me," Jack said. "But… I like it when it's just us, too. We'll be ok."

"We will," Hotch agreed. "Go get your shoes. I think I'm done, so I'm ready when you are."

Ten minutes later, they were out the door. Another twenty after that, and Robin was heading into the apartment. She was feeling a lot of different things and being there alone didn't help. While she was ok with the breakup, almost feeling the inevitability of it, it hurt and the reason for the end hurt more. At the same time, her feelings would have only grown deeper, so she needed that tangible reason to let go instead of continuing to grip on.

She sighed when she saw the box. That was what their relationship was chalked up to now. She had a bag of stuff he left at her place, a tie, shirt, a few little things, but mostly, they spent time at his place. She was fine with that because it was more convenient for them and it worked with Jack. Still, it got her thinking that maybe it was another sign she missed about his lack of commitment. More often than not, it was her surprising him at his place than him surprising her.

It just frustrated her because she tried to make it work when she knew, deep down, that she shouldn't have.

"It's over," she said to herself, making sure everything was in the box so that she didn't have to come back. She noticed there was an envelope inside that had "read when you're ready," written on the front. She knew his handwriting enough to know it was Aaron's.

While she wasn't ready to read it just then, when she was ready, it would tell her what she needed to hear. It contained his heartfelt and sincere regret for the hurt he caused and an explanation about how, before they were together, he thought he might have feelings for Emily that he believed he could ignore. There were words of encouragement and praise for her, but mostly, it was an apology from a friend who genuinely cared for her and loved her.

She would be happy he wrote that for her one day. That day just wasn't today.

One last look around, and she knew that was it. She wouldn't see the place again. She wouldn't see him again, probably.

"Goodbye," she told the apartment, dropping his key on the table where the box once laid.

She didn't stop at the door, locking it and leaving without looking back.

Robin felt the sadness again. Aaron and she were officially done, nothing to keep them communicating. It was for the best, she told herself as she got into the elevator and hit the button for ground level. It was time to go home and not look back.

Of course, that couldn't happen without one last, unfortunate run in.

"You're back," Robin said, looking up from her phone and seeing Emily walking toward her, bag in hand.

"I'm back," Emily confirmed, stopping a few feet in front of the other woman.

"Aaron has been worried about you."

Emily looked confused. Robin's defensive posture and clearly emotional state were clue enough that something wasn't right. The way they stood like they were in a standoff just set the mood.

"Why?"

"Why don't you ask him? He's all yours now."

"He's what?"

"We broke up," Robin said.

"Oh…" Emily was surprised. "I'm sorry."

"Are you?"

"I am."

"I doubt that," Robin spat.

"He told you?"

"That the two of you kissed? Yes."

"Robin, I… I'm sorry. It… We were wrong to do that while with other people."

"You were. Don't worry, I'm not going to attack you or anything. I'm not angry with you or Aaron."

"You're not?"

"No. I… I felt there was something there and I ignored my gut thinking I was paranoid. That's on me. But I hope you have the decency to tell Val, because this is not a good feeling to have and the sooner he learns it, the better."

"I told him."

"Good for you. Now you and Aaron can be happy together."

Emily's eyes scrunched as she looked at Robin, not saying anything.

"I'm done with being with men who don't truly want me, or not just me. So, he's yours. I wish you the best. I hope you are happy together."

Emily could see the tears forming in Robin's eyes, so she didn't say the pun sitting on her tongue. Instead, she put her bag down and walked a little closer.

"Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright," she yelled. "I was cheated on again. How the hell is that alright?"

She took a calming breath and Emily reached a hand out. Robin swatted it away.

"What are you doing?"

"Apologizing," Emily said. "It doesn't do anything for you, I know. But all I have to offer is my sincerest apology. If you can find it in your heart to forgive him, I know you both could make it work."

Robin laughed, full out belly laughed.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Robin said. "We couldn't make it work because he doesn't want it to work. I'm not the woman he wants it to work with."

"Me?"

"Yes, Emily. You. You're not that dense. He told me about the kiss you two shared before we were together and how he was confused. I'm starting to think you were too, or just too in denial to see it. But figure it out, already. Don't hurt anyone else with your games of cat and mouse."

"We're not playing games," Emily responded.

"Maybe not intentionally. But both of you have invited other people into your lives without actually making room for them. It hurts to be on the outside. I am now. I'm done, and, honestly, I hope it works out for the both of you. Despite how angry I was at the you when he told me, I know you're not bad people and I hope you guys get your act together. I'm just done with it."

"Robin…"

"Save it. Good luck Emily, and goodbye."

Robin didn't wait for a reply. She just headed off to her car, threw the box in the trunk, and slammed the door before driving off.

Emily, however, didn't know what to say. She had been sure that Hotch was trying to make it work with Robin just like she planned to with Val. Did it change anything if he wasn't?

No, right?

She didn't have the time to think about it. Her plane arrived early, but traffic getting home was a bitch and she needed to pick up Nate soon. Dealing with Hotch and checking in with him wasn't an immediate priority.

Right then, all she wanted was to see her son. Just one week away and she missed him like crazy. That was the only thing on her agenda for the day, a mom and Nate day. So, after dropping her bag off in the apartment, Emily left to get Nate.

His greeting was exactly what she needed. As soon as the door opened, he ran to hug her. She scooped him up and hugged him just as hard.

"I've missed you," she told him.

"I missed you," he said.

She savored the hug. With him in her arms, she could forget everything else. No worries, nothing passed through her head except thoughts of him. She peppered him with kisses before putting him down.

"I leave you for a week and it looks like you've outgrown your clothes," Emily said, looking at his shorts that appeared a little too short.

"Dad shrunk some of my clothes," Nate told her.

James winced, waiting for her reaction. She didn't give him one.

"Good thing we need to go clothes shopping anyway. Huh?"

"I can do that with him," James offered.

"We both can," Emily said. "I want to do it this week, but you can come or take him yourself your next weekend. You have to work, don't you?"

"Yeah," James said.

"How's the job going?"

"I like it," he told her.

They chatted about it as Emily sent Nate to get his things. Emily had called a few friends to help James find some jobs and worked it so they came about as opportunities presented to him from the rehab center. Some of them truly were, but she wanted him to have choices. He ended up going with a position at a local research firm working with archival data. It wasn't what he went to school for, but he found he liked it once he got out of the training part of it all. Learning the software was a pain, but he was actually getting good with computers and typing so it all worked out.

"I sort things, I research, I input. It's not the most exciting, but I get to see how it all plays out, so it's interesting."

"That's great, James. I'm glad you're liking it."

"Yeah. They said that if I continue to do well, I can help with the focus groups and marketing surveys. I'm hoping I get there."

"Me too. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. I'm sure Nate will tell you all about it. He spent a few days there with me."

"Exciting."

"How was your trip?" James asked.

"It was fine."

"You look tired."

"Probably from all the traveling. Sometimes vacations are more active than restful."

"Sure. Sure."

"Nate," Emily called. "Let's get going."

"Coming," he yelled back.

Waiting, Emily said to James, "I go back to the office this week just to get things ready for my classes and check to make sure the bookstore received the right books that I ordered."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm just telling you because when I go to the university, I plan on taking Nate with me so we can explore the area and I can show him around campus more while it's not quite as busy."

"I'm sure he'll like that."

"I think so."

"I have everything," Nate said, coming in and tossing his bag at his mother.

"Pleasant, Nate. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Emily rolled her eyes and left with Nate. They were ready for a day doing absolutely nothing together. That last part was key. So, they went back to the apartment. Nate helped his mother unpack and Emily used the opportunity to talk about his week with his dad.

Things had been much better between all three of them. The therapy, at least for the two of them, had been over for a month or so now, but they continued to work on themselves and James still went once every two weeks to keep his temper and emotions regulated. His personal therapy helped with immense growth and a new understanding of himself.

"Are you ok Mom?" Nate asked as they started sorting through some of his clothes to see what fit and what didn't anymore.

He noticed that, not only was she tired, but she looked sad too.

"I'm fine Nate. I'm just happy to be back with you."

"I'm happy that you're back too, but you still seem sad."

"I missed you is all. Maybe next time, we can go to Europe for a fun trip together."

"Cool. We should."

"Maybe next summer. We'll have to see how good you are this school year."

"I behave."

"I know you do." Emily tossed an old shirt at him. "I also know you're growing way too quickly. All of your fall clothes from last year are too small."

"I'm tall now," he said.

"You're getting there. At the very least, you're giving goodwill a big donation tomorrow."

"Are we going shopping tomorrow?"

"No. We'll go Tuesday. Tomorrow we're going to Georgetown," she said, explaining the plan. "Maybe we could stop at a few shops around there, but we'll have to see."

"Ok. Sounds cool."

"Make sure to print out the school supplies list we were sent."

"I will."

"If you have any old toys you want to donate, put them in the box."

"I will. When I'm done, can I go see if Jack is home?"

"After dinner."

"Can we invite them to dinner?"

"Ugh…"

"Please?"

He was giving her the pouty face and, though every part of her said to wait to talk to Hotch until she was in a better place, maybe had some sleep and wasn't constantly thinking about her own mistakes, she couldn't say no to that face. He was too good at it.

"Fine. You can run over to their apartment. Tell them we're ordering pizza if they want to come over for dinner."

"Yes! Thanks Mom," he said, heading straight for the door.

She didn't even bother to yell that he was supposed to finish what he was doing first. He was already out the door.

"This should be interesting," she said to herself as she threw some old clothes into the box.

Interesting it would be. Nate came back ten minutes later telling her that Hotch and Jack would be up around 5 for dinner unless she wanted them over at a different time.

"Hotch said to let him know."

"Ok. How come you didn't stay with Jack?"

"They were just coming home when I saw them, so I invited them to dinner and came home."

"That will give you some time to get back to work."

"Yes ma'am," he said.

After getting Nate back to work, Emily sent Hotch a text saying 5 was fine. He replied asking if they could talk after dinner. She said yes. That was the plan anyway. They needed to talk, and she didn't want to put it off. Once that was taken care of, she joined Nate, and they worked together until it was time to order pizza and prepare for dinner.

The pizza arrived just before Hotch and Jack. Emily was getting the plates ready while Nate was letting them in.

"Hey guys," Emily greeted them. "Hope you're hungry. I got us a lot of pizza."

"My favorite," Jack said.

"Dig in."

Hotch approached her as the boys picked their slices.

"Thanks for having us over."

"Of course," Emily said. "Nate wanted to hang out, and we all have to eat, right?"

"Right."

He moved closer. "You look good."

She flushed and thanked him.

"How was your trip?"

"It was… fine, thanks. France is beautiful, and it has been a long time since I was last that far outside of Paris. It was nice."

She knew that Hotch was also silently asking about Val, but that would have to wait until after dinner since Nate didn't know of Val's existence.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I got you boys something."

"You did?" they asked, mouths full of pizza.

"I did. I'll get it for you after we finish eating."

"Sweet."

"Don't rush," she ordered.

Hotch passed her a plate. "We better eat before we have to start giving the Heimlich."

"Let's hope we don't get there."

"Best to be prepared anyway," he joked, happy there was no obvious tension between them.

He did notice, though, that she was trying her best not to show how she was feeling and that made him want to ask about what happened in France. Did she tell Val about the kiss? Did it end for them as badly as it did for him and Robin? He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to know everything, and as they ate, he found himself staring without realizing it.

"Stop," she whispered.

"Stop what?"

"You're staring Hotch, trying to read me. Stop. We'll talk soon. There's no need to profile me."

"I wasn't."

She rose an eyebrow and quirked her lip.

"Ok… I was. Sorry."

"You guys are being weird," Nate pointed out as he came closer to them to get more pizza.

"We're not," Emily insisted.

"You kind of are," Jack agreed with Nate.

"Thanks for the input from the peanut gallery," Hotch said, "But we're not being weird. We're just having some grown up time."

"You mean sex?" Nate asked and Emily nearly choked on her pizza, coughing and fighting for air.

"You're ok," Hotch said, tapping Emily's back. "Drink this. It will help with the scratchy feeling."

Emily took the water and sipped once the coughing died down. She found herself wondering if she heard what she thought she did.

Clearing her throat, Emily asked, more like choked out, "Why would you ask that, Nate?"

"Isn't that what grown up time is? Jack said…"

Both adults looked to Jack with a narrowed gaze, bringing a flush to his cheeks.

"…that when grownups say they need grown up time or alone time and disappear into the bedroom together, then they're probably having sex."

"Oh Jack…" Hotch mumbled.

Hotch looked over to Emily. She looked flustered and just about ready to cry. It had been a long day for her and now it was getting a whole lot longer. The sex talk was not something she was prepared to have yet, not one beyond what she and Nate already had about where babies came from and how he was created. The intimate details of sex were something she hoped could wait at least until he started his first health class or hit puberty.

Hotch, witnessing Emily's plight, took the lead. "Jack, I know we've had the sex talk and you learned about it in health class, but what did you tell Nate about it?"

"I already told you," Nate said. "That grownups have sex when they're alone together. Is it fun? Will I like it when I'm older?"

"Just kill me now," Emily groaned and then sighed. "Alright. I guess we're doing this now." She looked to Hotch to see if he wanted to stick around for the conversation. He nodded for her to go on.

Abandoning their food, Emily began to talk. She told the boys that they could ask questions and she would do her best to answer, but she felt incredibly unprepared for this conversation. First, though, she asked what they knew about sex.

"You told me it's how babies are made. When people have sex, a man gives his sperm and a mom gives an egg and that makes a baby," Nate said, before his eyes wrinkled as he thought about it. "So, if it's only for making babies, did my dads have sex?"

"Oh my holy fudge," Emily was practically whimpering.

"Deep breaths," Hotch told her.

"I'm sure they did Nate," she said.

"So, two guys can have sex?"

"Yes. As can two girls," Hotch said.

Jack felt as uncomfortable as the rest of them, but Nate was curious and his questions dug deeper.

"So you have sex with girls too, Mom?"

At a loss for words, she stuttered to get an answer out, finally settling on, "No… I… See, sex is… I… Unlike your fathers, I'm not gay, so I don't have sex with other girls…"

"But you do with guys?"

How was she supposed to answer that and keep her dignity?

"I… Yes?"

She looked to Hotch for help, desperate for some relief.

"Sex is a normal part of adulthood," Hotch explained.

"So you do it too?"

"Yes," he answered, watching as Jack shrunk into his seat.

"With girls or boys or both?"

"With women."

Jack blew a breath. He had no desire to know about his father's sex life and while he might be a little more interested in Emily's – he was a teen boy after all, he was concerned that they were possibly having sex together and he most certainly did not want to hear about that.

"But I thought sex was for babies? Did you both only have sex once? And Mom, you told me I wasn't made from you and Dad having sex. So where are the other babies?"

"Alright, Nate. It's clear that we – I – need to clear some things up with you. Yes, sex is often how babies are made. There are children who were made like you through doctors and procedures and there is absolutely nothing wrong about that." She wanted to make sure that he understood that. "But sex isn't just for making babies, and it doesn't always result in a baby either. It's something that adults do when they love each other as a way to express that love."

"Does that mean you and Hotch have had sex?"

"Please don't answer that," Jack pled, facepalming.

"Nate, you really shouldn't ask those things of people. We're talking about this, so I will tell you that Hotch and I have not had sex. We're not in a romantic relationship and, usually that is when two people choose to do that. In the future, asking someone if they had sex with someone else really isn't appropriate. Sex is a private matter and it's really none of your business."

"Ok… but then how does sex work? Is it fun? Is that why people do it when they love someone?"

"It can be fun when both people want to do it," Emily answered honestly.

The sheer amount of times she said the word sex in such a short span had her reeling. Why were they discussing this?

"How do you have sex?"

Emily swore that the acid in her stomach was revolting. Her body was unprepared for the stress of this conversation and now, it went a lot deeper into the mechanics of sex territory than anyone anticipated. Thankfully, or not, Jack, who wanted to check out of the conversation the moment Nate asked whether they were sleeping together, decided to put an end to this nightmare.

"People get naked and a guy puts his penis into a woman's vagina. That's how they have sex, and you'll learn all about it when you take 7th grade health."

The parents' looked to Jack with wide eyes and slacked jaws while Nate's own bulging eyes looked to them.

Innocently, he asked, "But doesn't that hurt a girl?"

Now all eyes moved to Emily and she did her best to explain that it didn't have to hurt as long as both participants were willing and ready.

They thought the situation was coming to a close when Nate suddenly asked. "But wait… How do two guys have sex when there's no vagina?"

Emily thought she might faint. She turned to Hotch with a desperate look and muttered, "Help me…"

"Well, Nate, they find a way and, perhaps your father would be more equipped to answer that for you," Hotch suggested. "Why don't you ask him next time you see him?"

"Ok. Cool. Good talk," Nate said, getting up. "We're done, right?"

"Definitely," Emily quickly answered.

"Can we have our presents now?"

"In a minute. Go clean up dinner first."

"Ok."

"Jack, go help."

"Anything to get away from here," Jack grumbled rushing out of the room after Nate.

Emily was still flabbergasted, wondering if that really happened and how that happened.

"Well, that took a turn…"

"A very unexpected turn," Hotch agreed.

"I don't ever want to do that again."

"You probably won't have to."

"I can only hope. If I knew that was what parenting meant, maybe I wouldn't have fought so hard for it."

"I doubt that."

"Yeah… I still would have… That was painful."

"You got through it."

"Thanks for the assist."

"Well, Jack's getting older, a refresher didn't hurt, especially not when he's already 'dating.' Plus, I'm glad I could help. You know that."

"I do."

"Should we get the boys their treats so we can talk?"

"Yes. Hang on."

Emily went to her room to grab the things she got for them. She bought them freshly made French candies from a little shop in Val's hometown as well as an assortment of macarons, plus a hand-crafted 3D puzzle of the Eiffel Tower, each a different color. They were just little things she thought they'd like. She also picked up the same for Henry and something a little more toddler friendly for Michael.

"Enjoy," she told the boys. "But don't eat it all now."

"We won't," Jack promised.

"Ok, then you guys can go eat and play video games. I know Nate wanted to show you his new one, Jack. Hotch and I will be in here… talking." She felt the need to add that in.

They took their treats and ran off, and then it was time for Emily and Hotch to finally talk.

"I'm exhausted," Emily admitted. "I feel like I need to bathe in a vat of wine."

"We can do this some other time if you want."

"No… No, we should talk, but I was serious about that wine. I picked up some from the duty-free shop on my way home."

"I'll have a glass."

Emily uncorked the bottle and filled their glasses as she started off the conversation with something light. She told Hotch that she ran in to Clyde while she was traveling. They usually have their weekly phone call when he was available, but this time he was just finishing up on a case and flew on over to visit her on her last day in France.

"It was nice to catch up with him," Emily said. "To actually see him in person. Can you believe he has a girlfriend?"

"Most people have relationships."

"True, and, I guess, he has always kind of been like me. Date once in a while, but once it goes past a couple of dates it becomes a relationship."

"Everyone does what works for them."

"Yup. Speaking of relationships… I had a run in with Robin this morning."

"Oh… What did she have to say?"

"Well, she told me that you told her about the kiss."

"I did," he confirmed.

"And that you were all mine now."

He didn't reply.

"I guess she didn't take the kiss well."

"No, she didn't. Did Val?"

"I'm going to wager he took it better than Robin, but no. He wasn't happy, obviously."

"Robin and I broke up. I think that was coming either way. I wish that I didn't hurt her because she didn't deserve that, but I think that we weren't growing as a couple."

"How are you doing with the breakup?"

"Fine," he said. "It's always sad, but it was what was best."

Emily nodded.

"What happened, Emily? Why did you leave like that and then ignore my calls?"

"I came to your apartment after I got back from dropping Nate off," she said. "Robin was there. She looked… happy."

"And that's a problem?"

"Not in itself, no, but… I don't know Hotch. It kind of made me feel like a complete ass."

"Why?"

"Well, for one, I went there to talk to you under the assumption that we were on the same page and then I see her there hanging out with you and Jack, smiling and happy… It was clear to me that you two hadn't talked and that maybe we weren't on the same page… I…"

She didn't want to say what she was thinking. She didn't want to say that she saw a happy Robin kind of staking her claim on Hotch and it made Emily feel insignificant, like the other woman being cast aside when she was there to tell him that she felt something.

"I guess, I saw her there and thought what are we doing? We were hurting them and I just… I didn't really know what to do. I knew you had to do your thing and I had to talk with Val. Seemed like a conversation I needed to have in person."

"In any of this, did you ever think to ask me what I wanted or what I felt?"

"Every time you called, or I picked up the phone and thought about calling you," she answered. "Every time I replayed your message."

"I replayed yours too," he confessed. "I didn't understand what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Obviously, I did. I had to if you said that I made it clear that I wanted to be with Robin."

"Well, Hotch, you invited her over knowing that I was going to stop by, and she looked pretty happy to me, so it wasn't like you broke up with her. That appeared pretty obvious to me."

"No, you assumed things. You assumed that just because I didn't tell her that I wasn't planning to when the truth is that I just wanted to talk to you first before I did anything with her, and I didn't invite her over. I told her that I was home safely, and she came. I didn't want to just kick her out. What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't know anything about this situation. I've rarely had friends growing up and the ones I did weren't ones I could remotely see myself with. I don't know how to act here."

Admitting that there were feelings, he thought, was at least a step in the right direction.

"I'm not ashamed to admit that I wanted more. I liked our kiss… all of them, and I wanted to figure out what we were both feeling because I could see more with you. We already have more, but you said that we were a victim of proximity and that was the only reason we were feeling what we were feeling. Yet, I still don't know how you were feeling."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"No… It can't," she said. "Here's the thing, Hotch. I know I love you. I may even be in love with you… I don't know. What I do know is that I love Val. I love him, and I love you, and it's confusing. But he is coming back to the states soon, and we're going to talk. He wants us to try, and I need you to let that happen. If I don't let this play out, I… I need to know how this ends. I'm not asking you to wait for me. That would be unfair. What I'm asking for is the freedom to do what I need while I give you the freedom to do what you need."

"I already did what I needed."

"We hurt people, Hotch. We hurt them and we hurt ourselves. I'm so confused all the time and my head is fighting a war of feelings. I don't want to lose you, I know that, but I don't know what I can give you right now because I'm so conflicted. I've never cheated on anyone, especially not someone I love. Honestly, I wasn't sure I believed that you could have real, honest feelings about more than one person at a time."

"I didn't either."

"So, I need to repair my relationship with Val because I need to sort through my feelings. I don't want to string either of you along, but I need to figure it out. I just… I don't want to hurt either of you."

"I get it, Emily. I want you to figure it out too. If we do anything… I don't want you to be confused. I don't want you to doubt anything."

"But I feel horrible… About Val, about Robin, about your breakup."

"Don't. I'm ok with all of it. I regret how we made them feel and I don't particularly like being the bad guy in our scenario, but I wouldn't change what happened. It made me see what I needed to see. Robin is out of the picture. She and I are better off that way. I can't force you to dump Val, and I wouldn't. I need time to mourn my relationship. That's only natural. Maybe in that time, we can both figure out where we hope to go from here. Even if, for you, that's with Val."

"Why are you such a good guy, Hotch?"

"I think I'm going to attribute that to my mother."

"She raised a good one," Emily said.

"For the record, Emily, I chose you, or I would have if I was given the option…" _because I think I just may be in love with you, too._

He omitted the thoughts at the end, not wanting her to feel pressured. She would discover her feelings and he would readjust to the single life again. That was how things had to be for now, but he was hopeful. They were both confused, but both hopeful.

"Jack and I should get home. I'm glad we talked."

"Me too," Emily said, standing and approaching him. "And I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"This can't be how you wanted this to go. I'm not even sure this is how I wanted it to go."

Actually, he thought, that was exactly how he wanted it to go. She admitted that she had real feelings of love for him, love beyond what they had already shared for years. It was love beyond friendship. That was all he needed from this conversation. She was confused about it all. Honestly, so was he. They had known each other for years and, while there was always the kinship and love, these deeper feelings came out of nowhere and neither knew how to react.

It was messy, but sometimes messy was good. It just needed to be cleaned up a bit. They had to work through their confusion. Hotch started to do that. Things with Robin helped clear it up. Now, he would wait for her to find that with Val while he used that time to understand how the feelings came about, look back and see where they started. Were they always there, he wondered. While it didn't matter, he had some time to figure it out.

If she wanted to see where things with Val went, he would give her that because he meant what he said. When, not if, they got together, he wanted her to be sure. He wanted her to have no doubts and no regrets. That would make things better for both of them.

So she needed time and he had it to offer.

They hugged goodbye, a hug that lingered a bit too long. There was an unspoken gratitude passed through. Hotch all but told her he'd be waiting for her.

"We'll talk soon."

"Definitely," Emily agreed.

Hotch and Jack left, and Emily was now physically and emotionally spent. She could have slept for a whole week, but that wasn't an option. They had a lot to do in the last bit of summer because soon, a whole week had gone by. Things were normal. Hotch and Emily fell into their normal routines.

The school shopping was done, class schedules came in, and the end of summer was upon them. Now the boys went back to school. Val also returned. He took a later flight than he initially told her, and she worried when she hadn't heard from him as planned, but he surprised her by popping up at their usual lunch spot during her free hour.

He popped up with a bouquet of flowers and a smile.

"We will try again. We will be better," he told her, bringing a smile to her face. "But if we do, I need you to be all in. I need to be a part of your life, that means knowing Nate like you know Madelaine."

"I can do that," she said. "We can."

Whether or not that was true had yet to be determined, but they were going to try.


	56. The Winds of Time

**Chapter 56: The Winds of Time**

The relationship was moving along. That wasn't to say that Emily's confused feelings were suddenly resolved. No, Hotch was always somewhere in her mind. She just tried to push those thoughts as far down as she could. And when the three of them were in the same place at the same time, interacting, it was tension filled and somewhat awkward at best.

But they were trying, and she was committed to Val. That was what was important.

To show that she was trying, she agreed to introduce Nate and Val. First, though, she talked to James about it. While she didn't feel she needed his permission, she thought it would be courteous to at least warn him.

"My son asked me about gay sex today," James greeted her when she came to pick up Nate. "Apparently I have you and Hotch to thank for that. So, truly, thank you."

"Where is Nate?"

"He's in the shower. I 'accidentally' spilled juice on him to get out of talking about the more specific mechanics of gay and lesbian sex."

Emily laughed as she came into the apartment. Finally, he was having to deal with something.

"It's not funny. That was more terrifying than coming out in a strict waspy town. I almost peed my pants when he brought it up. Funny thing is, Vince would have known how to handle that. But me? I was a blubbering mess."

"Come on, I took care of the hardest part. He asked me if I have sex and about who it's with," Emily told him, receiving a laugh in return. "See, it's funny when it's not happening to you."

"I guess so," he said. "But I never want to do that again."

"Well, hopefully we took care of that."

"Yeah… You're here early, Em."

"I am. I'm glad Nate is occupied for the moment. I wanted to talk to you."

"Uh oh."

"It's nothing bad. I just, I wanted to let you know that I'm planning on introducing Nate to Val."

"The boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"So you're serious about him?"

"We've been together for months and it's time that the pieces of my life met."

"I'm ok with it."

"Good," she said, and she wasn't going to take no for an answer. James did a lot of things without her input and, while she was making it seem like he had a choice, he did not.

"How are you going to do it?"

"No clue. Never did this before."

"Neither have I."

"I'll figure it out. I just wanted to let you know in case he came to you about it."

James scoffed. "I appreciate the heads up _this _time."

"I've come to learn that parenting means to expect the unexpected. They keep you on your toes and you never know what's going to come out of their mouth. So, really, it shouldn't have come as a shock to you. He knows you're gay. He was bound to ask questions at some point."

"He's not too young to know all that about sex?"

"I think it's better he knows about it and that we're open to talking about it with him. Maybe that will make it easier for him to talk to us about it when he's older and thinking about it more and more. Might even keep him from making some of the mistakes we did."

"Like being with inappropriately older men."

"Or teen pregnancies."

"You think he's gay?"

"I think it doesn't matter whether he is. We'll love him regardless and, no matter what, he needs to know all the facts at some point."

"It was still painful."

"Believe me, I know."

"Hey, I got some good news today."

"Yeah? What was it?" Emily asked.

"Since I've been six months without any seizures, I'm cleared to drive. No long-distance driving and best to avoid night driving, but at least I'll be able to drive Nate to school if I have to and can go back and forth to work."

"That's great, James. Congratulations."

"I'm excited. It's a little more freedom, you know?"

"I do, and I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

"Doc say anything else?"

"I'm doing really well. I'm always going to have these holes in my head, but the hair covers it up. I'm back at fighting weight, my muscle tone will never be back where it was, but it's much closer to normal, and I have better control over my emotions from the combination of meds and therapy. They said not to ignore signs if it looks like the seizures or any symptoms are coming back, but this is encouraging."

"That's wonderful, James."

"Nate's excited about the car, too. Before the sex talk, we spent the afternoon car searching on the internet. I think I found a few affordable used cars that we're going to look at."

"Do you know anything about cars?"

"I know enough."

"Well, if you need some input, let me know."

"Thanks. I'll go check on Nate. If you want to grab his guitar, it's in his room."

She nodded and went to go load the guitar in the car. When she returned, Nate was out of the shower and just getting dressed. It wasn't much longer until they were out the door and home.

That was when she introduced the idea of meeting Val to Nate. She wanted to ease him into it. She didn't come out and say she wanted him to meet her boyfriend. Honestly, given his recent conversation with her and then with James, she was terrified he would ask if they were having sex. She never wanted to talk about her sex life with her son again.

Nate seemed open to meeting her friend, and that was what she called Val when she asked how he would feel about her friend joining them when they went fishing that weekend.

"Sure. I'm glad you're making more friends, Mom. I wish Dad was making some too."

"I know, kid. Give him time. He's doing much better than he was. I know he's still adjusting to life without Vince. And hey, now he's driving so he can get out more."

"I want him to be happy."

"Me too."

"Do you think he will be?"

"I think he's happy all the time because you're happy. I also believe that it will take some work, but he will be happy outside of you as well."

"And you too?"

"I am happy Nate."

"I just want to be sure."

"You can be. I'm happy." She pulled him into a side hug. "So, you're all showered and ready for bed. What do you say that we sit in the living room, get cozy, and read?"

"You're going to read to me?"

"No mister. You're a chapter away from finishing your summer reading. If you get that done tonight and work on the response questions tomorrow, then we can really enjoy our weekend, and on Sunday, we can have a day just for us and do whatever you want."

"Anything?"

"Well, we'll discuss options."

"Alright. I'll get it done."

He went to his room to get the book while Emily did the same, returning with a textbook and notebook. While most of her lesson plans were set, she wanted to go over the material each week. With the semester starting soon, she figured now was as good a time as any.

It didn't take long for Nate to finish reading, but he waited, silently, for Emily to finish too. Afterward, he went to bed. As promised, he finished the work he needed to the next day so they could have their weekend.

On Friday, Hotch called and asked Emily to keep an eye on Jack. The team was called away on a case last minute as he was about to head home. The B team was out of rotation, so they were on deck.

"Sure. No problem," Emily said. "How does Jack feel about fishing?"

"Umm… Probably ok with it. Dave took him fly fishing before."

"Good. Nate and I are going tomorrow. Jack can come."

Emily thought that might work better. Then Nate would have someone there with him as he met Val and break any potential awkwardness that could occur. She was still nervous, though. She had never introduced a boyfriend to anyone other than friends on occasion.

Jack spent the night. After Emily helped him pack a bag with everything he would need in the morning, they had a quiet evening in her apartment. She made dinner and ice cream, and, before they knew it, it was bedtime. They had an early wake up call.

The 5 a.m. alarm buzzed way too early for them, but Emily got up without fighting it, started on a vat of coffee, and began breakfast before waking the boys. They put up a bit of a fight. Summer had them used to sleeping in and calm days, but that wasn't part of the day's plan.

They eventually got up when bacon and pancakes were promised. As they ate, Emily asked them to help her pack the cooler. There were sandwiches, snacks, and drinks in the fridge that needed to go in there while she got the rest of the stuff in the car.

It wasn't until 7 that they were on the road. Thankfully, the spot wasn't too far away. They had to hike a small trail before coming up on the fishing spot.

Val was already there.

"Is that your friend, Mom?"

Emily nodded and called out, "Val."

He turned and smiled. "Mon Coeur."

Approaching each other, Emily gave him a quick hug, not wanting it to appear too intimate in front of the boys. While she agreed to have Nate and Val meet, she was nervous.

"Everything will be fine. Just like it was with Madelaine," Val told her.

She didn't want to remind him that while, yes, the meeting itself went extremely well, her thoughts on Madelaine caused a rift between them that caused some damage to their relationship not unlike the kiss did. She bit her tongue and held on to those thoughts. The last thing she wanted was another argument.

"Come on over here, boys. I want you to meet someone."

Val and Emily stood like a united front. He was at her side, hand on her waist as his arm draped around her back.

"Nate, Jack, this is my friend Val. Val, this is my son Nate," she pointed to Nate. "And this is Jack."

Nate seemed shy to introduce himself. It was like he was sizing up the competition, though there was no actual competition.

Jack, seeing his hesitation, jumped in and held out his hand. "Hi Val. I'm Jack. Nice to meet you."

"And you, young man," Val said.

Nate followed suit, and the two shook hands, too.

"Your mother has told me all about you, Nate. I'm happy we could finally meet."

"Mom didn't tell me anything about you."

"Oh," Val said, surprised. "Well, I'll be happy to tell you whatever you'd like to know."

"I don't want to know anything right now. I just want to fish. Do you fish?"

"In fact, I do. I used to fish all the time in France."

"You're from France?" Nate asked.

"Yes," he said and told the boys a little about the town he was from while helping prep the fishing poles.

Emily pulled out the bait and followed behind, letting the natural course of things continue until she needed to step in.

"My mom was in France. Did you guys see each other?" Nate asked innocently.

"Ugh… yes. We happened to see each other," Val answered.

Things were going ok. Nate warmed up to Val. They weren't talking nonstop, but the situation didn't call for that. The quiet was peaceful in nature, plus, Nate said he didn't want to scare off all the fish. At one point, a few hours in, after the excitement of the first catch wore off and the fish was probably safely away from them, they seemed to cluster. Nate and Jack were perched on a log at one edge of the makeshift camp area with their bait in the water while Val and Emily were on the other getting out what they needed for lunch.

"Things seem to be going well," Emily said.

A pinched smile, he responded, "Yes."

"That's all you have to say?" Emily asked with confusion.

"What more do you wish for me to say?"

"I don't know. Tell me Nate was nice to you and that you like him."

"He was nice. He's a good kid."

"What's with the attitude?" she harshly asked, voice quiet.

The kids weren't far enough away that they wouldn't hear if voices rose even a little.

"Jack is Hotch's son, no?"

"Yes. He is. What's the problem?"

"Why is he here?"

Switching to French so the boys couldn't understand even if they did hear, Emily explained that Hotch was out of town for a case and she was keeping an eye on Jack. "He's not an issue, Val. He's Nate's friend and he is important to me too."

"I don't see why he had to be here. I wanted to meet your son, not your son and your affair's son."

"It wasn't an affair," she told him. "It was one kiss."

"It was more than that and we both know it."

"I told you everything that happened. I thought you had forgiven me," she said.

"I have. That doesn't mean I'm happy to be with him or his kid."

"That kid is as much family to me as my own son. You have to accept that."

"And if I can't?" he asked, the start of what could be an ultimatum.

"Then we shouldn't be here right now."

He paused and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. This was supposed to be a good day."

He looked at her and said, "You introduced me as your friend."

"Is that the problem? I didn't say boyfriend?"

"It would be nice if you had."

Emily huffed and apologized, and though he said it was ok and he just wanted it to be known, it was clear that there was tension between them. They bickered on and off for the rest of the day. Emily just said they could talk about it later. She wasn't going to argue in front of Nate and Jack.

At least the boys seemed to be having a good time. As they ate lunch, it was nice to see Val and Nate interact. They were getting along fine. Nate seemed to be ok with him. He even seemed impressed later when they caught a big fish right before leaving. Nate and Jack reeled it in together, even if Jack gave Nate all the credit, and Val impressed them by breaking the fish down into filets that they could throw on ice and grill when they got back to Emily's.

Overall, it was a good meeting. It definitely could have gone worse. Aside from the tension between Emily and Val, the meeting itself was a success. However, Emily didn't like that Val ignored Jack for most of the day. When there were conversations, even if Jack said something, he remained focused on just Nate. The fact that they were communicating easily should have made her happy, but she just couldn't get past his treatment of Jack. Jack wasn't his father, so whatever contempt that Val might have had toward Hotch should not have impacted the way he treated Jack.

When they were alone that night, they hashed it out. Really, they swept it under the rug. Emily rationalized that she didn't have a right to be mad at him. She was, but she squashed the feelings. While she expressed that she didn't like the way he treated Jack, he had a right to be upset with her and Hotch. He promised not to be so upset when or if Jack was around, but made it clear he preferred to have absolutely nothing to do with Hotch. Emily knew that could be problematic but agreed anyway.

Over the next few weeks, as they fell into a pattern, things went ok between them. Emily and Val were doing well. Nate didn't mind seeing him at their apartment more and more. When he was there to celebrate Emily's birthday with all of them, no one gave it too much attention. Nate didn't mind his presence at the party… at first.

It wasn't until the first sleepover after the party that Nate became truly upset. She was reluctant to let Val stay, but it was late, and he had been drinking. Hotch was at the party and it led to them arguing behind the scenes. She didn't like her relationship issues on display nor was she a huge fan of public displays of affection, though she was sure JJ and Pen would ask about them later.

The point was, she ended up allowing him to stay. Nate was already asleep, and Emily figured it would be fine. Emily wasn't aware of how handsy he got when he was drunk. While they had shared a drink or two together before, neither of them passed the line of intoxication.

But throughout the evening, the more he drank, the less control he had over where his hands roamed and what he was saying. He would come up and kiss her out of nowhere, especially if Hotch was anywhere near her. He would try to get her alone. It was a new experience and one she couldn't say she enjoyed.

"Is everything ok?" JJ asked her when she saw Emily push Val away.

"He had a bit too much to drink. Everything is fine."

"Do you want Will and I to take him home?"

"No… Thank you. But he lives out of the way for you guys. He can stay here if he needs to."

"Are you sure? We don't mind."

"I'm sure. Thanks though."

"No problem. Will and I are going to take off. Henry's passed out already and I'd like to get him in his bed. Happy birthday, Em. Let's have a girls' day soon. No kids. No guys. Just talk about kids and guys. I can even get Will to watch Nate so he and Henry can have a sleepover. It's been a while."

"Sounds good. Thanks."

Once JJ was gone, Derek and Penelope were sufficiently liquored up, not drunk, but not sober enough to drive, and Spencer offered to make sure they got home. Then, the only ones left were Emily, Nate, Jack, Hotch, and Val. Dave left a little earlier.

"Val, come on. Let's get you to bed," Emily whispered, hoping he would just listen to her and not argue.

His hands were on her waist and his lips were on her neck. She was uncomfortable with that kind of attention when Jack was still awake and around. Nate may have been asleep, but he could have woken at any point.

"Stop, Val. I'm going to get you some water and then to bed with you."

"You too," he said. "Both of us in bed."

"We will both be going to sleep, yes."

"Not sleeping," he said, pulling her closer to him.

"Val. Stop," she demanded more forcefully.

"Everything ok?" Hotch asked, ready to step in.

"Everything's fine," Emily said.

"Yes, fine. Leave us be," Val added.

Hotch ignored him and looked to Emily.

"Really. We're fine. You don't have to stay and clean up. I'll take care of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Jack looks tired and bored without Henry and Nate to hang out with. Get him home."

"What about," Hotch said, gesturing to Val.

"I have that covered."

"Alright. Call if you need anything."

"I'm more than capable of taking care of her needs," Val claimed.

Emily just sighed. She wasn't used to him being like this. He was all the wrong kinds of clingy and jealous, and she couldn't help but feel that she made him that way. She caused this.

"We're okay," Emily said. "Thanks for everything."

"I'll come by in the morning," Hotch told her. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks."

Hotch was reluctant to go but took Jack and left. The night didn't get better from there. Emily helped Val into her room. He was unstable on his feet and leaning heavily on her. When they reached the bed, Emily went to help him down, but he pulled her with him.

"We must celebrate your birthday," he said.

"Not now, Val. You're drunk and I'm tired."

His advances, however, didn't accept that response. If he didn't act like a jerk all day and Nate wasn't just in the other room, she might have appreciated his wanton behavior. But that wasn't the case, and she just wanted to go to bed. She enjoyed her party, but there was a tense part of her that just wanted it over.

When his kisses became a bit more eager and his hands gripped a little too tightly, Emily had enough. She pushed herself off him, got up, and told him to go to bed.

"We're not doing this. I'm not going to sleep with you when you're acting like this. Drunk Val is not my Val."

She stormed out of the room. When he didn't follow, she breathed a sigh of relief. She just wanted the night over. First, she checked on Nate who was fast asleep, and did some cleaning up before turning in, using the couch as her temporary respite.

It was late when a hand gently squeezed her leg. Hot breath hit her cheek.

"I'm sorry," Val said, kissing her cheek over and over until he reached her lips. "I'm sorry. Come to bed. I'll behave."

She did. She gave in and followed him back to her bedroom where, once in bed, he cuddled up with her and held her all night. Only then did she feel like she could breathe again. That feeling didn't last long because she got quite the wake-up call early in the morning.

"Jack was right!" Nate yelled, waking her up. "He is your boyfriend and now you're sleeping together."

"What is the yelling about?" Val grumbled before Emily could speak. "Go back to sleep."

Nate stared at Emily with a face of anger she had never been on the receiving end of. Quickly, she got out of bed to follow Nate as he raced out and back to his room, slamming his door.

"Nate. Let's talk."

"No," he yelled. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Please Nate."

"No. You're just going to lie to me. You told me he was only your friend."

"I wasn't lying to you, Nate," she said through the door. "I wanted you to get to know Val and like him before I told you we were dating."

"I don't care. You never lied to me before and now you have."

"Please open the door, Nate."

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

Dejected, she responded, "Ok Nate. Come out when you're ready to talk."

"You shouldn't let him make the rules," Val said, appearing behind her.

"He's not. He's upset and I'm letting him be upset."

"He's running the show."

"You know what, Val? You didn't want to hear what I had to say about Madelaine, and I don't want to hear what you have to say about Nate. I'll parent my son the way I see fit. In fact, I think you should head home. Nate and I need to get ready for the day. You should too."

"I don't have classes today and neither do you."

"That may be true, but my kid needs to get to school and I have office hours today."

"Are you upset with me?" he asked.

"Yes, Val, I am, and I'm in no mood to discuss this right now. If you want to stay, stay. There's some Ibuprofen and water on the nightstand for you. Take it and go back to bed."

He was going to say something, but he saw the look she was giving him and thought it best to just follow directions. Besides, the hangover was hitting him with full force and the vertigo was setting in. Laying down was best.

Nate didn't talk to her the entire morning. She barely got a bye from him as he left for school. She didn't speak to Val much at all when she was getting ready to leave. In fact, she was happy when he passed out as she was getting dressed. She stuck a post it on his head saying she went to work and if he left, to lock up.

The day was kind of awful.

Even though she managed to have a talk with Nate to explain the situation and earn his forgiveness that evening, she understood why he was upset. This man came out of nowhere and was inserted in his life. Emily lied to him about who Val was, in a lie of omission kind of way, and Nate just saw that this guy made Emily act in ways she never had. At least, that was how it appeared. Emily couldn't refute that she was making mistakes. She took responsibility for them. She didn't blame Val.

Still, he forgave her, and, after a long talk, she and Val made up.

"I don't like the way you were acting. You were possessive and drank way too much."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was just… I don't like being around Hotch. I didn't mind before, but now all I see is you two kissing or… or worse, I imagine you in bed together."

Guilt struck her. She was ruining this…

"Just… Don't do it again. I don't like who you become when you drink like that. I've never seen you possessive and totally ignorant to my wishes."

"I won't drink like that again. I don't like who I become when I drink too much either."

That conversation was enough to repair things, or start to, but he had some making up to do. Their reconciliation though, didn't mean her friends weren't concerned. Girls' day happened over the weekend and JJ expressed her feelings.

"Is everything ok between you and Val?"

"Everything's fine," Emily responded.

"Are you sure, Hon?" Pen asked. "He was drinking kind of a lot at your dinner party."

"Pen, so did you and Derek."

"True. But… I just really liked that wine and you know what wine does to me, plus I challenged Derek to a wine off and… Neither of us were drunk. I was coherent and woke up feeling fine in the morning. Work ready. I don't think Val can say the same."

"Val drank too much, and he became…"

"A predator," JJ finished for her.

"Handsy and possessive," Emily corrected.

"That's one way to put it," Pen scoffed.

"Val and I talked. I don't want to get into it, but something happened over the summer, something I did, that made him very upset. It was just… Things have been hard since. We have our great moments and then we have our not so great moments. He was drunk, and I didn't like the way he acted. I told him, and he promised not to get drunk and act like that again. I'm going to hold him to that."

Pen looked squirrelly in her seat, taking a sip of her coffee and wondering if she should say something. Her eyes shifted from JJ to Emily.

"Is this about what happened in North Carolina?"

Emily stopped mid bite, fork suspended in the air.

"What happened in North Carolina?" JJ asked as she watched the staring contest initiate between Pen and Emily.

The two ignored JJ's question and continued to lock eyes. Emily had yet to respond.

"You told Val about it?"

Emily just stared at her. She wasn't going to give any information away, so she wasn't going to admit to anything until Pen said what she knew.

So, Emily asked, "How did you find out?"

"I saw you when Spence and I came back from the convention. Out on the balcony…"

She knew, Emily realized.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"Despite my penchant to gossip… and you know I love it… This wasn't something I wanted to spread around."

"What is it?!" JJ finally yelled garnering the attention of the restaurant. "Sorry. But seriously," her voice returned to normal levels. "What are we talking about?"

Penelope gave Emily a look that told her they wouldn't judge. She could say it and they wouldn't judge her.

"I kissed someone," Emily admitted. "Someone that wasn't Val."

"Who?" That was the first thing JJ asked. Then things started to click. "Wait, this happened on our vacation? And it happened when they were at the convention which was when Will and I were on a date… It was Hotch?!"

"Could you not yell? You sound like Pen."

"I take offense to that," Pen grumbled.

"Hotch and I kissed, yes. It was… it happened and we… Val forgave me and we're trying to make a go at it."

"Is that why Hotch and Robin broke up?"

"It's a very big part of it."

"So you really kissed?"

"We really did."

"Was it amazing?" Penelope asked. "Please answer. I've been holding in all my thoughts and feelings and now I'm ready to combust."

"It was a good kiss."

"When you say kiss, was it like a peck, a quick lip lock, or like a _kiss_, kiss?"

"Option 3, JJ. What does it matter?"

"It matters."

Emily sighed and then just let go. She told them everything from the first kiss at Jack's party to what happened in North Carolina and then with Val and Robin. She was surprised how much she needed to talk about it. She needed to discuss it with someone who wasn't involved, someone who wasn't Hotch or Val or biased in anyway. Maybe they were biased because Hotch was their family and Val was just an interloper until or unless he was married in, but that didn't matter.

She just needed to talk with her friends.

"So, how have things been since then?"

"And what's happening with Hotch?" Pen questioned.

"Nothing is happening with Hotch."

"But could there be?"

"We're not having an affair Pen. This isn't one of your sordid romance novels."

"Hmmph."

"To answer you, JJ," Emily began, moving past Penelope's want for a soap opera. "Things with Hotch have been fine… As long as Val's not around."

"I noticed something weird on your birthday. He kept trying to stay away from you and Val, spent more time with Dave and the boys… But I was asking about things with Val."

"Oh," Emily blushed. "Like I said. Up and down. Sometimes things feel so perfect and right, but then Hotch is mentioned or Jack is around, and things go sour. He likes to remind me that I kissed someone and, while that's true, he said he wanted to work things out, so he can't keep throwing that in my face."

"No, he shouldn't. That's not cool."

"But he's trying. I hurt him. I know I did. Part of the problem was that I kept him from half my life because I didn't know how or when to introduce him to Nate. So that was part of the deal when we agreed to try to fix things. I had to let him in the same way he tried to let me in. He's trying. We both are. I don't know… I just… I don't know."

The two blondes looked to each other curiously. They had seen Emily date before. They had seen her at the start of a relationship. They had seen her at a quick end. But they had never really seen her in this territory.

"Are you happy?" Pen asked. "Because that's all that matters. If he makes you happy and makes you feel good about yourself, then keep at it. It will work out. But if he's not making you feel amazing, and I don't mean all the time, because people argue, but when you need it… Then let him go."

"As long as he doesn't drink, I am happy. He makes me feel beautiful and loved. At the same time, I know I hurt him."

"That's not an excuse to treat you poorly."

"He's not. Really. Last night you saw him in rare form. He's a giant teddy bear most days, but when he's around Hotch, it's just not comfortable."

"Has he asked you not to see Hotch?"

"No. I know he wishes he could, but he knows he can't. Nate and Jack are way too close for me to break contact."

They didn't want to mention that Emily and Hotch were also too close to cut off contact. Instead, they just listened and gave the ears Emily needed to vent. Of course, they asked some questions, trying to better understand her relationships with both men. All they really learned was that Emily loved Val and she regretted hurting him, but they couldn't help but realize that she didn't regret kissing Hotch or that she didn't seem to want to discuss her feelings for him at all. Talking about it, even though they didn't tell her what to do, made Emily feel better. She was holding in all her feelings and even when she talked with Clyde, it wasn't the same as girl talk. She needed the girl talk.

Things got better after that. Emily was more open with Val about her feelings and made better efforts to repair the damage between Nate and Val. As the days passed, she wouldn't describe the relationship as great, but it wasn't contentious. When the three of them were together, an effort was made, but Nate wasn't completely comfortable with Val. He just didn't know what to make of a boyfriend in his mom's life.

Still, things were better. Val didn't overindulge when they were in drinking situations. He hung out with Emily and her friends on double dates and whatever. Nate was kind, if not a bit standoffish with him.

She called it all an improvement. The relationship was moving closer to where she hoped it would be.

And then Madelaine came.

It was the night before Halloween when Val got a call from his ex-wife telling him the Madelaine had run away that morning. Apparently, instead of going to school like she should have, she took off. Now it was hours later, and she had yet to return, but she did text her mother, so they knew she was alive and hopefully safe.

Naturally, he was panicked. Emily did her best to calm him. It didn't work at first, but once he paced enough, she told him she was probably on her way there.

"How would you know?" he snapped.

"Because I was her age once and I tried to run away all the time."

His eyes narrowed as she said that. While it made sense, he knew enough about her parents to know that she felt some benign neglect growing up. She wanted for nothing but their love and attention. Her father and mother were rarely in the same place, and she was always with her mother. He felt like it was a jab.

But she was also right. They were arguing about it at his place when there was a knock on the door.

It was Madelaine.

She seemed happier to see Emily than her father. Emily assumed that was because she acted as a buffer, but only to a point. Val was still furious.

After making sure his daughter was ok, he spent an hour yelling at her, making her call her mother, and then sent her to bed. Emily hadn't heard that much yelling in French since she and her mother were living there.

"I think I should head home," Emily said.

"Stay, please."

"I would love to, really, but I think your daughter wants and needs time with you and you need it with her. But if she's not in too much trouble, and since she's here, she can come with us for Halloween. I know it's not a big thing in France, but here it is. She can come trick-or-treating with us."

"Perhaps," he said, kissing her. "Call in the morning?"

"Definitely, and you can call me anytime. I'd stay, you know that, but I'm telling you, as a woman that used to run away from my own mom, she needs you. Just you."

He nodded.

Val and Madelaine spent the night talking. Emily came to learn that also meant she was getting away with things with no consequence at all. There was an upcoming holiday at her school in France, so Val and Marlene, the ex-wife, decided she would stay the week and then return home. While Emily was glad the girl was going to get the time with her dad that she needed, she knew Val was no disciplinarian with his daughter and it would be a true vacation. Not what she needed.

In fear of starting another argument, she didn't tell him her thoughts and wouldn't until or unless something made it pertinent. Honestly, she hoped he proved her wrong.

He didn't. Halloween was fine, but Madelaine was a little rude to Nate, though Nate didn't tell Emily that. When they were introduced, he saw Madelaine and thought she was pretty and smart and cool. Jack did too. But she said Halloween must be for babies since she only saw kids trick-or-treating.

Nate and Jack were tired and quiet at the end of the night, but that wasn't unlike any other Halloween. They perked up when Val and Madelaine left.

Over the next week, Emily, Val, and their kids spent a lot of time together. It was a way to see if their future could work and if their kids got along. They did, but Emily wasn't thrilled with the situation in the end. Madelaine and Val would come over to her place for dinners every day. Often, Madelaine was given free rein to explore Georgetown while Val was teaching or in office hours during the day and, in the evenings, would play the part of dutiful daughter with her "family."

The freedom, however, turned out to be a problem. Madelaine was an intelligent girl that had a broken home since the divorce and, essentially, lost her father to another country. She was acting out however she could. Emily tried to be someone she could talk to, and she did, but Emily felt uncomfortable with things.

Madelaine confided in Emily as a friend might, but Emily believed she did so in order for Emily to tell her father and shock him. When she didn't relay the message, she took things into her own hands. The last few days that she was in America were the worst.

It started with cigarettes. Madelaine would light up wherever and whenever she pleased. Emily suspected that she was also drinking. A bottle of wine and vodka were missing from her cabinet. She did her due diligence and checked Nate's room on the off chance he took it and it wasn't there. She tried to tell Val about it, but he didn't listen until he was confronted with the situation firsthand.

On Thursday, Madelaine disappeared from Georgetown. She eventually showed up at Emily's in the middle of dinner, drunk and possibly high. Emily sent Nate to Hotch's and took care of Madelaine while waiting for Val who was out looking for her.

When he showed up, Madelaine was face down in the toilet heaving while Emily held her hair back and rubbed the girl's back, trying to be supportive and share her own experiences.

Val didn't yell or do anything but help her lay down. Talking to her while she was drunk would be useless.

"She can stay the night," Emily said.

"Thank you."

"But this has to go," she said, holding up a little baggie with pot in it.

"Where did that come from?"

"I found it in her bag."

"You went through her things?" he yelled.

"She threw up on her shirt, Val. She had another in her bag. This fell out when I went to get it for her."

"Did you put it in there?"

"What?"

"You've been telling me she's been using since you first met her. Now you find this. She doesn't do drugs."

"Maybe she does, and you just don't want to see it, Val. Why would I plant drugs on her? Seriously. If you think I'd do that, then you don't know me at all."

"She didn't," Madelaine's quiet voice said. "It's mine."

Val didn't apologize but dragged Madelaine off the couch and took her home. What happened after that, Emily couldn't say because she didn't hear from Val until the next day when Madelaine took off again after he confronted her about finding men's underwear, a pair that did not belong to him, in Madelaine's room.

That set him off on a mission. She was in trouble.

Emily rolled her eyes and thought, "Finally."

Madelaine didn't show up at Emily's this time. Instead, she returned home late at night, high and yelling at her father, asking why he only cared now. What about all the other times she did stupid things or got in trouble… She had a lot to say, most of it incoherent.

Val didn't know what to do, so he finally turned to Emily. Though, Emily lost it on Madelaine and Val when she caught the teen teaching Nate how to smoke a cigarette. She had the cigarette lit and in his mouth, teaching him the best way to inhale.

"Get her out of my home," Emily said, turning what was a breakthrough in their ability to turn to each other for parenting advice and help into a big fight.

It didn't matter, though. As much as she wanted to help, she had to protect Nate. She had to put him, his needs, and his health above all else, even if it meant fighting with Val. Because she warned him. She tried to help, and because he didn't listen, it was bleeding into sacred territory.

"Your daughter is acting out, just as I said she was and it's only going to get worse unless you deal with it. So deal with it. I won't let it affect my son."

When they left, Emily spoke a few words with Madelaine and the girl even apologized to Emily.

"I know you're sorry," Emily replied, "And I know you're hurting. Acting out like this is only hurting you. Take care of yourself Madelaine. I'm upset now, but I am still here for you to talk to. You have my number."

The teen hugged her and thanked her. Emily's heart broke for her because she had been there. She felt all the things Madelaine was feeling and she knew it was rough. But only she could help herself.

Val didn't say anything to Emily as they left. He sent her a text saying he was sorry and tried to call her. She picked up, reluctantly.

"You were right," he said. "I'm returning to Bordeaux with Madelaine to try to help her and talk with Marlene about a solution. I'm just… I'm sorry."

"I wish you had listened to me instead of writing me off."

"I wish I had too."

Emily was still upset with the situation, but she was happy he was going with his daughter. She needed him. And he would have to work for her forgiveness, but finally admitting that she wasn't trying to just be spiteful about his parenting and Madelaine was a start.

He stayed in France for a week. Emily and a teaching assistant took over his classes. It meant more work for her, but Emily was happy to help in the way she could. It was only a week and he sent her the occasional update from France.

Things were different when he returned, and Emily was in for a surprise.

He asked her to dinner at his place. He made it romantic and perfect, an intimate evening just the two of them. The first thing he did was kiss her and tell her how sorry he was.

"I didn't want to see it, but it was right in front of me. Madelaine was misbehaving and I wanted it to just be a phase, but it was not."

"How's she doing?"

"She's… better. We talked. All three of us spent a lot of time talking and we have a better understanding of what has been going on."

He gave her the low down of what happened that week and what he learned about his daughter's actions and motivations.

"She is my angel," he told her. "I love her with all my heart, but I see her so little that when we are together, I let her do whatever she wants. That is a problem. Part of her problem," he admitted.

It wasn't that he was a bad father, but one who chose a job he loved and that could help to provide for his daughter at a time in her life when she needed him closer more than ever, despite her pulling away.

"I thought that taking this job would be alright because she was older. I was always with her throughout her childhood. I did everything with her. As she became more independent, I became sad. When she was in high school, and hanging out with friends, this job was presented to me. I spoke with Madelaine about it and she wanted me to take it too. The distance was not good for her, though. I see that now."

"I'm sorry that this is how things happened."

"Me too. But I am glad I am not blind anymore. She is getting help she needs."

"That's great, Val. I'm happy for both of you."

He anxiously bit his lip and took her hand, squeezing it. He took a moment before looking into her eyes.

"I need to be close with her. I need to help her and show her that I have not abandoned her. Nothing she could do would make me leave her."

"How do you plan to do that from a different continent?"

Again, he squeezed her hand.

"I cannot."

Val sighed and told her that he was moving back to France at the end of the semester.

"It is the only way I can be there for my daughter and help her become the girl I know her to be, to show her that I love her and want nothing but the best for her; to support her as she needs me to."

"You're leaving?" she asked, her heart thumping. He was breaking up with her, she thought… for a good reason, she knew, but it hurt.

He leaned in and hugged her, hot breath on her cheek, he whispered, "Move with me. Move to Bordeaux and marry me."

She snapped out of the embrace.

"What?"

"Yes. Come with me. I need to be there for my daughter. You were right. She's not ok. She needs me there. But I love you. I need you. She needs you. I saw how amazingly loving and firm you were with her. I see how great you are with your son. We can be a family."

"Val…"

He got down on one knee beside her and held out a box.

"Marry me. Move to Bordeaux, you and Nate, and be a family with me and Madelaine."

….

_**All I can say is don't hate me just yet. Let this play out next chapter before you panic…**_


	57. The Present

**Chapter 57: The Present**

He got down on one knee beside her and held out a box.

"Marry me. Move to Bordeaux, you and Nate, and be a family with me and Madelaine."

Emily was stunned silent. He wanted her to move to France and marry him? What? How did they get to this place?

"Emily," he said. "Will you marry me?"

"Val… I…" What the hell, she thought. She put her hands on his arms, got him up off his knee and sitting next to her. "This is crazy. We haven't been together that long. It hasn't even been a year."

"I know that. I know it hasn't been that long, but I love you. You love me. We can give our kids a happy family. That's all I need to know."

When she didn't say anything, he became nervous.

"Am I wrong? Do you not love me?"

"I love you, Val."

"Do you not see a life for us together?"

"I do… It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"Is this what you really want?" she countered. "Do you want to marry me?"

"Yes. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want it. I can picture every day of our life together, learning how to be one family. I could help you teach Nate French. We could take him fishing in that special spot I showed you during your visit. Madelaine could teach him piano if he would like. We could have meals together, start over somewhere fresh where all our baggage is behind us."

He continued to paint a pretty picture for her, but it all sounded too good to be true.

"I… I love you Val, and I love the future you have in mind for us. It sounds perfect…"

He spoke before she could continue. "Then let's do it. Let's get married. We can do it soon here if you'd like. Move at the end of the semester. We could sell my house and start fresh."

Emily bit her lip, feeling tears form as she shook her head. Quietly, she said, "I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for marriage."

Defensively, clearly feeling the sting of rejection, he asked, "You don't wish to be married? Or is it that you don't want to be married to me?"

"I would love to get married someday."

"To Hotch," he argued.

She sighed and protested. "It's not about Hotch. This is about us, where we are at in our relationship, and about what you're asking of me."

"I don't understand."

"These last few months have been… Well, they've been up and down and that's putting it mildly. It's been hard."

"Relationships can be hard."

"Yes, they can. We've been fighting… a lot."

He couldn't deny that.

"Sometimes it feels like you haven't truly forgiven me for kissing Hotch."

"I have."

"If you have, things between us wouldn't be so different. We're both trying, I know, but it's not the same. I love you Val, but we're not the same."

"We can be better together."

"Maybe, but these last few months have been hard. I hurt you."

"You did."

"But it felt like it changed you a little too. It changed things between us."

"You cheated, Emily. That's why things changed."

She looked away ashamed. Yes, she cheated. It may have only been a kiss, but it was a kiss with someone that wasn't her boyfriend and hurt him.

"That doesn't give you the right to pick arguments and become possessive."

"I have not." His voice rose and he went off on a defense that felt a lot like he was listing reasons why it was her fault.

"You're doing it right now," she whispered.

He got back down on his knees in front of her, holding on to her hands. "I'm sorry… I'm upset. The woman I love is turning me down."

"This doesn't have to do with love."

"It does. It has everything to do with love."

"No… It has to do with where we are in our relationship. We're not stable Val."

"We can be. We can be stable and happy."

"Maybe. But we're not yet. Right now, we're on the merry go round, spinning in circles, trying to make things better, but, inevitably, we land back on the fact that I kissed Hotch, hurt you, and now you can't stand to be around him or even his son. No matter how what I did hurt you, the Hotchners are important to me and my family."

"I know that."

"But you don't accept that," Emily said.

He looked away. It was true. He tried his best to move past the kiss, and he did his best to be civil, but there were moments when all he wanted to do was punch the guy…

"Moving to a new continent and putting distance between us and our problems won't make them go away. You still don't accept things. You still haven't forgiven me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. I don't know what I was expecting. I didn't want to lie to you about the kiss and I didn't want to lose my friendship, but I was asking a lot of you to forgive me and accept his presence all the time."

"I tried," he said, moving back to the spot next to her.

"I know." She gave him a sad smile. "But even if our relationship issues weren't a factor, I couldn't say yes."

"Why not?" he asked, heartbroken.

"All that aside, I can't pick up and move to France, and that is what you need of me."

"Why not? What is stopping you?"

"My son, for one."

"I want him to come too. I've gotten to know Nate, and while my parenting may be in question because my daughter's recent behavior, I've been a good father. I could be a father to him."

"But he has a father," Emily said. "I can't move him to a country where he doesn't know anyone or speak the language. James is here. I can't take Nate from his father and I can't be out of his life again. I can't do that to any of us."

He came to a realization that Emily had come to long before. "It was never going to end the way we hoped, was it?"

Emily shrugged.

"I wish I knew, Val. But right now, I can tell you no. You need to be in France to support your daughter, and I need to be right where I am to support my son. Our lives are incompatible now."

"I wish they weren't," he said, putting his forehead against hers. "Because we could have had an amazing life together."

"We could have," she agreed, the tears flowing now. "I really wanted that."

"Me too."

They stayed like that for a long time, hands clasped, foreheads together.

"I'm sorry," Emily finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry that I can't marry you."

"I am sad, but I understand. I rushed because I'm afraid to lose you, but I already have."

"No," Emily tried.

"I have. I lost you the moment you kissed him."

"No…"

"Yes. I know you love me, but I think you love him too. I just don't know if you know it yet." He smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes, his own forming. "I also know, you would have settled for me."

"I wouldn't settle for you. I love you, Val."

"But you would have left the feelings for him aside to try to find happiness with me, just as you have been."

"We've been happy… Most of the time."

"Not always. We deserve always."

"This hurts," Emily said. "It hurts so much."

"For me too. I want to marry you, Emily. So much. But you are right. I can't ask you to come to France. That is not fair to your son."

"I can't ask you to stay because it's not fair for your daughter."

"You would have made an amazing step-mother," he said.

"I think you would have made a pretty great step-father."

"I don't want this to be goodbye," Emily said.

It was easy to tell that their words were strained. Whatever hardships came in their relationship, it was hard to say goodbye, and that was what they were doing. They had to say goodbye because she was turning down his proposal, however sweet and misguided that was, and he was returning to his home. There was no chance at repairing the rest of the damage, and, while they would come to see that was best for them, it hurt. In the moment, it hurt a lot.

"I… I need time. This is… My heart has been broken. I am sad because the time we had together was great. Now it's over. You said no, and I understand. I just need time." He took a deep breath. "But maybe someday we can be friends again… or friends for the first time. Until then, I have Madelaine. I need to focus on being a better, more present father to her. I took the job here for the last two years thinking she was ok. She was grown and didn't need me, but I was wrong. We need each other, and I want to give her all I can."

"I'm glad you're doing this for her and for yourself. I think… I think it will be best for both of you."

A watery smile, he nodded. "I'm only sorry it took us to this point. That it took me so long to see her pain."

"She didn't want you to see it until she did. That's not all on you. Teenagers are… complicated."

"I'm going to be better for her. I'm going to see her more. I am excited for that."

"I'm excited for you," Emily said, running her hand over his back lovingly. "And if you ever need my help or if she needs anything, don't be afraid to ask me. I… will always care about you and her."

"I feel the same about you and Nate."

Emily took a shuddering breath. "I'm not sure how much longer I can do this without really crying." She sniffled and stood. "I think… I think it's best I go now."

He stood in front of her, taking her hand to keep her from running.

"Wait. Please."

She paused.

"I should say I'm sorry as well," he told her. "For the way I have acted recently. A part of me has been holding on to the pain of knowing you kissed someone else. Feeling like I wasn't good enough. I resented that you ruined a great relationship. But it wasn't ruined. I forgave you and then I was slowly ruining it."

"No…"

"I was angry and sometimes I couldn't let it go. But I was happy with you. I wanted everything with you."

"I did too Val."

"But I think… I think our lives were always moving in opposite directions. You traveled everywhere and were meant to settle here. I still want to travel and must return home."

"We love each other, we're just not compatible anymore," Emily agreed. "We're both going to be ok… Eventually."

"No crying," he told her, kissing her cheek. Whispering, "I love you, Emily Prentiss."

"Je t'aime aussi, Valentin Moreau. So much."

"Can I call you? Maybe months from now. Maybe years. To see how you are. Where you are. If you are happy."

"Only if I can call you, too."

"I'd like that."

"Take care of Madelaine, and take care of yourself, Val. Thank you for a wonderful few months."

"Thank you, Emily."

The two just hugged, holding on to each other, and savoring their last moments together because once Emily walked out, she wasn't coming back. In a week's time, she would show up at his office to find a new teacher there, his classes taken over, and his apartment cleared out.

While she didn't know that then, she knew it was goodbye, and so did he. He was going to miss her. He was going to miss the late-night calls, the ability to be vulnerable with her, and the times they spent joking around in French waiting to see if anyone around them understood.

"Goodbye, Val. Be well."

"Be happy, Mon Coeur."

Emily bit her lip, kept her head down to hide the tears, grabbed her purse and left. She stayed in her car for a few minutes until the major tears passed enough for her to safely see and drive.

When she got home, she was thankful Nate was with James. She needed to wallow, and she needed to wallow alone because it was ugly and messy and just not good. She cried, mourning what could have been and the loss of a great man that she hurt, but who she had never been set on.

Perhaps that was what bothered her most. The whole thing hurt. She truly loved him, but there were moments when she felt disconnected from their relationship, like it was so much work. She wanted to put in the effort and wanted it to work. Timing and circumstance made that an impossibility, or, rather, made it a possibility that neither of them were willing to compromise to reach. Maybe it wasn't even about compromise. It was that their needs, the important priorities in their lives, didn't overlap.

It was the right decision to end it. Marriage would have been forced. Neither of them was there yet, and if they were honest, they probably wouldn't have ever gotten there. The life courses they were travelling weren't on a collision course.

Still, she mourned. She immediately missed the comfort of knowing he was there even if he wasn't there, that she could pick up the phone and call him so they could talk about nothing… It was something she'd later realize was also part of what she missed about Hotch when they took a "break" or put distance between them for their relationships' sakes.

The first night was the worst. She did nothing but cry and binge on junk food, ignoring the outside world. When Nate called, she did her best to cheer up her voice, but even he could tell something was wrong.

"Are you sad?" he asked.

"I'm fine, bud. No worries."

"Do you miss me?"

"Always, Nate."

"I'm sorry. I miss you too."

"I know. Don't worry about me. Have fun with your dad and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok. Love you. Night, Mom."

"Love you too. Goodnight."

Hanging up, Emily went back to her wallowing. She took a long bath, soaking with a nice glass of wine and a book she hoped would keep her mind occupied. It didn't. She got through one or two pages, but that was all. Getting out, she got in her pajamas and spent the rest of the weekend in bed until it was time to get Nate.

Seeing him eased the ache. Nate was medicine.

He excitedly greeted her and told him all about how he and James picked out a car. He even showed it to her. Being around him, spending time with him, was her saving grace. That was until midweek when he came home from school and asked if Val was coming over.

"He hasn't been here in a while," Nate said. "But he was helping me with something."

"He was?" she asked, confused. She didn't know anything about that. "What was he helping with?"

"It's a surprise."

"Oh… It's a surprise for me?"

"Yes."

"I…" She had absolutely no idea how to explain a breakup to Nate. "I will see if he can still help you with that, Nate, but… But I don't think we'll be seeing much of Val anymore."

"Why?"

"Well, you see… Val and I are no longer a couple."

"You broke up?"

"Yes," Emily said.

"Did he do something wrong?"

"No."

"Did you?"

"No… It's nothing like that, Nate. Sometimes adults break up. They're not meant to be together and they split apart."

"Oh… I'm sorry."

"I'm ok, Nate, and you have nothing to be sorry about. We're just… Val is moving back to France soon," Emily explained.

With a face that could only be described as a mix of sad and perplexed, Nate asked, "So, I'm never going to see him again?"

"I wish I could give you a definite answer, but all I know is that, for right now, no, we're not."

That conversation upset Emily, but she resolved to reach out to Val for the sake of getting Nate closure. They had theirs, but Nate needed some too. So, when she knew the break in their schedules overlapped, Emily headed to his office.

That was when she learned he was already gone. The woman there instead told her that she was a last-minute hire because the previous professor, Val, quit. He had a family emergency, but Emily knew the excuse was twofold. Yes, he wanted to get back to Madelaine as quickly as he could, but the semester was three weeks shy of being over. He could have waited. She drove by his apartment anyway. It was abandoned. Furniture was still there and there was a box marked with her name on it, but his clothes and stuff were gone.

At first, after learning that he was really gone, she broke down. It made everything feel more real. She had to tell Nate that Val had already gone back to France. He sadly asked who was going to teach him French.

"Is that what Val was doing?"

Nate nodded. "He was teaching me some things so we could sing a French song for you. I already learned the music on my guitar."

He sounded sad and mournful.

"What did he teach you to say in French?"

Nate fumbled the words a bit, but managed to tell her, in French, that he loved her and was going to play a song for her.

"That was very good Nate."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was. It was so good. I know the surprise is ruined, but I can teach you French. I can teach you the song. Val must've given you the sheet music, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then we can do it."

"It's not the same."

"I know, and I'm sorry. It wasn't fair for it to be this way, but let's make the best of it. I can talk with your music teacher if you want. We can teach you more international songs."

"Cool," he said, lackluster.

"It's ok to be sad that he's not here with us, Nate. I'm sorry that this is how it turned out."

"I… I really started to like him."

"I know… I'm sorry. But we'll make the best of it, alright? I can sing, and I can speak French, so everything he was teaching you, I can take over. We'll make it a family thing."

"Ok."

"In the meantime, ice cream?" she asked, hoping a bottomless bowl of fatty cream and deliciousness would offer them solace.

"Yes, please!"

"Come on. I can use some extra fudge. What about you?"

"And whipped cream."

"And whipped cream," she confirmed.

They ate their feelings, and they had no shame in that. One splurge wasn't going to kill them, and it was a moment for them to just not worry about anything. They ate and watched Nate's favorite TV show before she sent him to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

Alone in her room, she sent a text to JJ asking her if they could meet up.

Immediately her phone rang.

"Hey," Emily answered.

"Don't 'hey' me. You never text me late at night asking to meet up on a Thursday. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Emily," JJ's voice was chastising.

"Val and I broke up."

"Oh no. I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it over the phone. If you can't meet tomorrow, that's ok. I know how the BAU is and then you have to get home to Michael and Henry."

"Em, stop. I can meet tomorrow. Will's working, though, so I'll have to bring the kids."

"How about I come to you then? Nate won't mind a playdate."

JJ said that would be perfect before asking, "Are you ok?"

"I'm… sad."

"I'm sorry. I promise we'll talk all about it tomorrow."

She wanted to know the story.

"I'll pick up food on my way over. Text me what you want tomorrow."

They set a time.

"Em, I'm really sorry, but everything will be fine."

"I know," Emily said. "Thanks."

When they met the next day, Emily's emotions shifted. The longer she stewed and the more she explained, the sadness grew into something different. She just became angry. She was angry at him for up and leaving. Yes, they were broken up, but that didn't mean that a continent needed to be put between them without warning.

"That wasn't fair of him to do to Nate. I talked with Madelaine. I tried to help her. The least he could have done was meet with or call Nate and explain why he couldn't help him anymore," Emily ranted.

After explaining the amicable break up and just everything that had been happening, JJ comforted her. But then she explained last night, and the anger just came at full force.

"I agree. That wasn't right."

"Now what do I do? He's hurting, and… I can't really make it better."

"Em, sit down," JJ said. "Sit down and look."

Emily sat beside her and looked where she instructed. Nate was helping Michael build a block city to go along with the skyscraper Henry was putting together, a bright smile on his face.

"He seems ok to me."

Emily sighed. "He does…"

"It's ok to be angry. It's like the stages of relationship grief."

"Maybe… But… I don't think I'm even angry at him. I'm ok with the decision to break up. There was love between us, no doubt, and maybe I could have pictured a life with him, but marrying him would have, in the end, made us both miserable because one of us would have had to sacrifice major parts of our lives. I'm just… I'm angry at myself."

"Why?"

"Because I put us in this position."

"How?"

"I'm new to this whole parenting thing. I hid Nate away and wouldn't introduce him to Val for so long because of this very reason. Even if I got hurt, I didn't want it to touch him."

"Sounds like you've got a better handle on the mother thing than you thought."

"Maybe, but I still let this happen. I… I had my doubts," she admitted. "After… After the kiss, I had my doubts about our relationship, and I still introduced them. That was on me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I think I need to be because Nate has been through enough already. I won't be the cause of anything else happening."

"Em, you're doing a great job with him. He's amazing. Problems like this teach them and help them grow. Plus, he has you and a whole lot of friends and family to make him feel better. He won't be scared by this."

"How can you be sure?"

"For the exact reason I just said. People will come and go, but he has a support system and you have given him the stability to move on."

"It sucked to see him so sad."

"It always does. He'll get over it, and so will you."

Emily nodded.

"Maybe you'll even get over it with Hotch…"

"JJ…"

"Seriously. I didn't ask too much about the feelings behind the kiss when we were with Pen, but you can talk to me."

"It's too soon to even think about any of that," Emily said.

This immediately spurred JJ to ask, "Does that mean there's something to think about?"

"I don't know…"

The answer, though, was yes.

That was something Emily would think a lot about over the coming weeks, especially with the holidays. Thanksgiving came and went the following week. James was spending it with Nate, just the two of them. Dave was off on a trip to Italy while he worked on another book. JJ and Will took the kids to see her family. Everyone else was having a get together at Derek's. She was invited but opted to have a lonely Thanksgiving.

It turned out not to be so lonely. Hotch, who was supposed to be at Jessica's with Jack, made sure he stopped by after dinner with a piece of pie and some leftovers for her.

"Where's Val?" he asked.

"In France," she told him, not mentioning the breakup.

"You could have come, you know?"

"I do know, but Jessica and I… we're not a match made in heaven."

"She would have been fine with it."

"I doubt that, but we'll never really know."

"Guess not. When does Nate come back?"

"Tomorrow. It's my weekend with him. James wanted to have a holiday just the two of them."

"Nice of you to let them."

"I thought so. It also means I have leverage to get more time at Christmas which I prefer anyway."

"Sneaky."

"Well, I was a spy."

"And you were good at it."

She leaned on the edge of the island and took a bite of the pie, moaning.

"Oh my god. That is so good."

"I knew you'd like it. Jessica's mother-in-law is a baker. That's her specialty."

"I could eat this every day."

"You'd end up with diabetes."

"Worth it," she said, moaning as she took another bite. "What are you and Jack up to the rest of the night?"

"He stayed at Jessica's. Cousin bonding time."

"That's nice. Would you… Would you like to stay? I'm just watching old movies. We can finish up these leftovers and see what movie marathon to jump on next."

"Are you sure Val won't mind?"

He knew the guy still had a problem with him.

"Val's not a problem," she ominously responded.

"Then yes."

He just ran to his apartment to change into something more comfortable than his dress shirt and slacks before they bunkered down on the couch with a smorgasbord of food and movies. They talked. Emily didn't tell him about the breakup. She did enough talking about that with JJ and she didn't want to discuss it with Hotch. Not yet. She just wanted to hang out, completely carefree, for a while. There was nothing wrong with that.

Emily brought up Christmas. Now that Thanksgiving was pretty much over and her mother was returning from a trip overseas, Elizabeth asked Emily to spend Christmas with her. And by that, she meant come for Christmas Eve and stay for the next day. Since Nate had informed her he knew Santa wasn't real and, therefore would not be looking for their place to deliver presents, she saw no problem with that.

Elizabeth also said the invitation was open to any of the team saying, "They're your family as much as I am. Invite them to come. If they have plans, then there's no pressure, but I do need a head count at least a week before. We can do a Christmas Eve dinner and if anyone would like to stay, they're more than welcome to."

Dave already said he was coming, as did JJ, though she and Will would not be spending the night. Santa still came to their home. Derek was off to Chicago and taking the boy genius with him, stating that he needed some family love after his mother's latest episode. Penelope was jealous of that, but excited for another Ambassador sponsored event.

"Should be a full house, but fun, for sure," Emily said.

"Jack and I were having a solo Christmas, but I think he'll enjoy that more, so count us in," he told her.

"Great."

Plans were settled, and they went back to their relaxing Thanksgiving night, just the two of them, practically cuddling on the couch. Though, both were careful not to actually cuddle. When both were starting to doze off, Hotch decided to go back to his place, thanking Emily for the evening.

"No, thank you for food and company."

"You're welcome," he said. "Night, Em."

"Night Hotch."

It was a goodnight too, and it was the first time she fell asleep without problem since the breakup. She felt good. But there weren't any other nights like that before Christmas.

The holiday season was in full swing and incredibly busy. Between all the kids' school activities, cases, and coursework, everyone was occupied. Then there was Christmas shopping and planning. It was a mad house. Once the semester was over, Emily had a little more time, but she still had to work on getting grades in and helping Nate out with his school's holiday bake sale.

Screw the PTA, she thought. She couldn't make it to one meeting and she got stuck making the crap no one else wanted.

"Nut free, gluten free, sugar free… There is no joy in these cupcakes," she said, looking at the sad batter.

"Do we have to do this?"

"Yes. I was volunteered by that bit- evil woman who doesn't like me very much."

"Why?"

"I don't know," she quickly answered. "It's not important."

Nose scrunched in disgust, Nate asked, "Do we have to eat this?"

"Absolutely not."

"Good."

Their treats were… edible and pretty but that was about all they were. They didn't have much to work with, but they were happy when it was over.

It brought them one step closer to their winter break which really couldn't have come soon enough. That was when their Christmas shopping was put into full gear. They had a lot of people to buy for and not a whole lot of time to finish their list. Not to mention that Emily still had to finish her Nate shopping with James so that neither of them bought him the same things.

It was crazy, and no one saw much of anyone else for those few weeks outside of work. Thankfully, things slowed down enough the week of Christmas. Derek and Spencer were heading off to Chicago and, per Nate's request, stopped by the apartment for dinner and so Nate could give them their gifts.

Emily warned them, "He picked out the gifts himself. Pretend to like them even if you don't, please."

They didn't have to pretend. Nate's gifts were kind of selfish in that they were picked out with the guys in mind, but also thinking of ways he could spend more time with them. Spencer was one of the first of his mom's friends that he got to meet, and he hadn't spent a whole lot of time with him since. So he picked out gifts that could force it without really forcing it.

Both guys told him that if he wanted to hang out, all he had to do was call them up.

"Really?"

"Of course, kid. You're family," Derek said.

That was all Nate really wanted to hear. It seemed like, since the breakup, he wanted to be closer to the other guys in Emily's life, but they really hadn't had the time.

Still, the awesome presents weren't turned away either.

Emily also found it nice to spend more time with them. More often than not, aside from the occasional pop in, the only time they hung out was in a group setting. She missed the more intimate one on one or smaller gatherings.

"Thank you guys so much for coming."

"No problem, mama," Derek said. "Anything for you and the kid."

"Yeah. He's smart. I like playing chess with him," Spencer said. "Hopefully one day I'll get him good enough to beat you."

Emily smiled. "He already beats me… I let him."

"For real then."

"Maybe someday."

"We should do this more often," Derek suggested. "Maybe I can take Nate to the gym one day, teach him some boxing."

"I think he'd love that. That would be great Derek."

"We'll set something up once the holidays are over."

"Me too," Spencer said.

"Sounds good."

Emily wished them safe travels and a Merry Christmas before they left. They were hopping on a plane in the morning and that would be the last they'd see them until New Year's.

The days following were filled with last minute wrapping and planning. James was coming with them, now. Emily couldn't say no when he asked about holiday plans. At first, they were going to split it. Emily was going to have Nate on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, while James got him in the afternoon. But plans changed, and, for Nate, it worked out better.

He was so excited when the day finally came. Jack and Hotch drove over to Elizabeth's early with them. They unloaded presents and offered to help with meal prep, but Elizabeth didn't need any help that night. She was cooking Christmas dinner for the family who stayed over the next day, but had a chef for the evening so she could better attend to her guests.

It was a fantastic chef, too. Everyone happily sat down to a five-course meal that not one person, kids included, left finished. By the end of dessert, they were so stuffed that they were all ready for bed. But they couldn't forget the presents.

"I don't think I can move from this table," JJ huffed, leaning back into her chair and patting her stomach. "I'm that full."

The all commiserated, except the boy with the bottomless pit of a stomach. Henry brought comedy to the moment by asking for a second dessert. The answer was no, but they all enjoyed the laugh.

"Present time?" Elizabeth asked. "Before the kids get too tired."

"Absolutely."

Though Elizabeth made it clear no one was to bring her presents, they still did, mostly just hostess gifts that would come in handy. Still, they wanted to give her a small thank you for the dinner and even the vacation they had over the summer. So, they didn't listen and bought things anyway.

Elizabeth bought all the kids something and gave spa days to the women. The men were a little more difficult but, with Emily's help, she was able to pick things out for them that they appreciated. No one was happier than the children, though. Nate and Jack didn't get their presents from their parents or Elizabeth because they were saving those for the morning, but there was no lack for gifts.

Watching Michael tear through the wrapping paper was a riot, but the present exchange left a mess.

"Can we help clean up before we head home?" JJ asked.

"No. Thank you," Elizabeth said. "We can take care of it."

"In that case, I think we're going to go. I have two boys eager for Santa to come."

"Merry Christmas," everyone said, seeing the LaMontagne family off.

Dave and Penelope were spending the night and helped with the cleaning before they helped themselves to an extra beverage or two. Elizabeth showed them to their rooms. Soon, the boys were in bed, most of the cleaning was done, and only a few were left awake.

"Do you need any more help?" James asked.

"No. Go on to bed," Emily said. She had sent everyone to bed. The mess was mostly cleaned and would hold over until more was added in the morning.

"Ok. Thanks for letting me come."

"No problem, James. Nate was happy you were here."

"Night."

"Night."

With everyone in bed, Emily went out to her car to get the presents she left behind earlier so she didn't have to do it in the morning.

"Looks like we had the same idea," Hotch said, sneaking up on her.

She jumped. "Don't do that."

"Sorry. I saw you come out here and figured you could use some help. I left some of the presents in the car too."

They chatted and carried the presents in.

"Val and I broke up," Emily spontaneously stated as she observed the, once again, full Christmas tree.

He already knew.

"I'm sorry."

Emily could tell that someone spilled the beans.

"It's ok because I learned something about myself and about things in general."

"What?"

"Having kids really changes the way people live. I know Nate changed the way I live," she said, "I've always lived selfishly."

"I don't believe that," he said, watching her move away from the tree and next to him on the couch.

"No, it's true. I lived for myself. My choices were mine alone and for me only. I didn't have to answer to anyone. If I wanted to be in a relationship, even one that was messed up, I could without worrying about the cost to anyone else. I jumped in, just like I jumped into danger. But now… Now I choose everything with Nate in mind, and I think that's why I picked Val. He was the safe choice."

"What do you mean?"

"Choosing a relationship with Val was… less complicated. If I let him in and things went wrong, I'd have been hurt, and, yes, Nate could be too, he was, but it would be a clean break. We would heal and move on. But with you, no matter the feelings, it was a risk. Allowing the change in relationship had the potential to rip some of the stability I built for Nate away. If we broke that barrier, there was no going back. It was giving in to a potential fantasy with potential for great harm as well."

He nodded in understanding and said, "So you gave Val a try."

"I did. It was great while it lasted, but the relationship had an expiration date. I loved him. I gave him my heart, but he was always going to go back to France to his daughter, and I was always going to stay here with my son. I think a part of me always knew that. But I also knew, subconsciously, that no matter how amazing he was or is to me, he'd be easier to lose than… than you."

"I… felt similarly with Robin…"

"It wasn't really fair of us, was it?" she asked. She wasn't planning on having this conversation with him now, but she went for it anyway.

"Fair to be in relationships?"

"Fair to make them believe we were on the same page, that we wanted the same things."

"Maybe at the time, we thought we did."

She shook her head.

"I always knew what I wanted," she said, scooting closer and turning her body to get a better look at his face. "Did you?"

"Yes," he admitted.

"Do you want to know what I wanted?"

"Yes," he repeated.

"You."

He moved to speak, to tell her that he wanted her too, but she stopped him.

"Do you want to know what I want now?"

"Tell me."

"I want to not be afraid anymore. I want to be selfish."

"I want to be selfish with you," he said, leaning forward, fervently bringing his lips against hers.

This wasn't like the chaste kiss they shared under the mistletoe, urged on by their family. It was altogether wanton and passionate, months in the making.

"How selfish are we going to be?"

"Very," Emily said, lips just barely moving away from his as she pushed him up off the couch. "I want to be very selfish with you."


	58. New Chapter

**Chapter 58: New Chapter**

"I want to be selfish with you," he said, leaning forward, fervently bringing his lips against hers.

This wasn't like the chaste kiss they shared under the mistletoe, urged on by their family. It was altogether wanton and passionate, months in the making.

"How selfish are we going to be?"

"Very," Emily said, lips just barely moving away from his as she pushed him up off the couch. "I want to be very selfish with you."

He pulled her up with him, pushing her to his chest.

"We should get out of here," she said, pressing her lips against his again.

She felt him nod and wrap a hand around her waist. Like two teenagers, they giddily ran up the stairs. She paused outside of her room.

"Are you having second thoughts?" he quietly asked as they stood in the hall.

"No… Just… Not here," she said. "I want to show you something."

"Ok."

She took his hand and led him to the end of the hall and up the stairs that led to the attic.

"What are we doing up here?"

"Wait," she said, releasing his hands and walking over to the window.

She pulled the curtains aside and then the blinds up. The attic was her old playroom turned her room, though her mother didn't actually agree with that. When she was a teenager, Emily stubbornly dragged a mattress up the narrow stairs, tossed it on the ground in the middle of the room, put on a few linens, and dubbed it her room away from her room.

Emily sat on the sofa which was where her bed used to be and motioned for him to sit.

"Look," she said.

He walked over and sat beside her, looking out of the window. The night sky was dark and clouded with snow, but the moon still peeked through and a few stars popped out. The view was amazing.

"It's gorgeous," he said. "Just like you."

Emily snuggled up to his side, taking his hand back in hers, feeling the need for touch.

"I used to come up here a lot when I was younger. It was peaceful to just sit here and look out into the sky. Especially when there were events happening downstairs."

"Your little escape."

"Exactly."

"That sounds like you. Play the part as long as you had to but hide the moment you could. I bet you were cute as a teenager."

"Depended on who I was trying to be at that moment."

"Underneath the goth makeup and the different outfits, you were still the same Emily, an Emily that I'm happy to have in my life."

Emily smiled against his chest.

"I'm happy you're in mine too."

Emily moved to kiss him. It was slow and zealous, but not aggressive.

They didn't sleep together that night, even if they wanted to. The wandering hands were nice and were clearly leading somewhere, but it wasn't the right place or time. Instead, they stayed up well into the night, kissing a lot and talking a lot. The talk was meaningful and deep all leading to one real point.

"You want this, right?" Emily asked.

"I want this. I want us. I've just been waiting on you. Do you?"

"So much," she replied, nuzzling against him, breathing in his scent. "I've been thinking a lot about us recently."

"You have?"

"Yes."

"What have you been thinking about?"

"I've just been thinking back, wondering if there was always something there that we didn't realize or didn't want to."

"I've been thinking about that too."

"Come up with anything?" she asked.

"I think there was always something, but it wasn't necessarily what I feel now."

"I think that too. Like in the beginning, you were annoyed by me."

"I wasn't."

"You so were. You looked at me as someone who didn't deserve to be there, someone who used connections rather than talents to weasel my way in."

"Well, while you did earn your place and even deserve to be there, you weren't chosen based on that."

"I didn't know it at the time, and I quit the moment Strauss tried anything."

"You did."

"So you admit you were annoyed by me?"

"Never. I just told you I want this. I'm never going to tell you that you annoyed me."

"I prefer honesty, especially if you want this to work."

"In that case… You're annoying me right now," he joked.

She playfully and lightly punched him. They were acting like carefree kids, playing around with each other until they were both laughing, and she was sitting on his lap.

"Still annoying?" she asked.

"Definitely not."

Going back to being serious, she said, "About what we were talking about… I didn't… I wasn't harboring feelings for you, pining for years."

"I didn't think you were. Neither was I."

"I know. I'm just saying. While you were with Haley, I wasn't secretly wishing for a breakup or anything. Or when you were with Beth, I just wanted to see you happy. To be honest, I don't think I ever would have allowed myself to even consider feelings beyond caring friends and family if we still worked together."

"A boss and his subordinate canoodling, definitely not regulation."

"I'm trying to be serious and you're just poking fun."

"Because you're being so cute. We're both professionals, Emily. I know that neither of us, even if we might have felt something, would even consider trying to figure out those feelings if we were still working together or if we were in other relationships. Not then. That's just not who we were."

"So what you're saying is that you're glad I don't work under you anymore."

"Well, we don't really know how well you work under me yet," he suggestively joked.

"Soon we will. But I won't be under you," she teased right back, reaching over to kiss him, tantalizingly biting his lip.

They made out like teenagers until they were so out of breath and panting for air like tired dogs.

"Can we stay here a little longer?"

"Definitely," Emily said, resting her head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart as her hand rested on his abdomen.

He draped his arm around her, his own hand hiding under the hem of her night shirt, drawing circle patterns on her bare hip. Holding her like that after admitting, finally, that they had feelings for each other, both ready to dive in, felt so right. Things hadn't felt that right in a long time.

"Emily?" his whispered.

She didn't respond. Her quiet breaths were shallow and slow. She had fallen asleep. He just smiled and pulled her tighter. It was late, and he was feeling tired himself, but he would stay awake forever just to hold onto the moment a little longer.

He rested his head on hers, eyes weighted until they just couldn't stay open any longer.

Emily woke up an hour later with a slight crick in her neck. Drowsily, she took in her dark surroundings before things started to make sense.

"Damn," she whispered, seeing the time. It was after 3 and the kids, no doubt, were going to wake them early.

She slowly peeled herself out of his arms, taking a deep breath and rubbing some of the sleep out of her eyes.

Gently, she reached out and put a hand on his arm. "Hotch…"

"Mmm," he mumbled.

"Wake up."

"Go back to sleep."

"It's Christmas," she said. "And we're not in our beds."

"…is okay."

"Wakey. Wakey," she tried again. "Nate's going to be waking me up early for presents."

His hand reached out and pulled her back into his lap.

"What are you doing?"

"Holding you for a few more minutes before we sneak back into our rooms and pretend."

"Pretend what?" she asked, allowing herself to relax under his touch, cheek nuzzling his cheek.

"Pretend that we aren't counting down to the moment I get to actually take you on a date."

"You're going to take me on a date?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Will there be kissing?"

"A lot if it goes well."

"Will there be more than kissing?"

"Well, now that really depends on you."

"I guess we'll have to see then."

"We will."

"Now I don't want to get up."

"Me either."

"Do we have to?"

"I suppose we do. You were the one to wake me after all."

"I don't want Nate to worry if he can't find me."

"And I suppose we don't want this to be their Christmas surprise."

"It's not like we're naked."

"We could be."

"Don't be a naughty boy Agent Hotchner. Santa won't come."

"I'm more interested in Mrs. Klaus."

"Have a thing for the old lady huh?"

"Just a thing for one lady."

"I wonder who that could be."

"Me too…"

"Come on. We really have to get up…"

"Now that I'm wide awake, you want me to go back to bed… in an actual bed… with no one to keep me company."

"Yes. Exactly."

"Not nice."

"I'll make it up to you," she whispered seductively into his ear, lips grazing his skin before jumping off his lap.

He was right. They were both completely awake now. She held out a hand for him to take and pulled him up, nearly knocking them both over. Her laugh was loud and infectious and their not so quiet, whispered shhhs as they walked down the steps didn't exactly keep their cover.

They stopped outside her door, her back pressed against the wood. Their laughs died down but their want to pursue each other further had not, hence the kissing.

"If you don't stop, we're not going to stop," Hotch told her.

"Mmm, I'm ok with that."

"Not here. Not today. That's what you said."

"Did I?" Emily coyly asked.

"You did."

"How terrible of me. I guess I should listen to myself."

She gave him one last peck, lingering for a moment, and said goodnight before disappearing behind her door. He stood there for a minute, letting the everything sink in.

She wanted to try. They were going to try. He was at peace with however long it took to truly woo her, and, despite the adrenaline that had been coursing since she woke him up, he was able to easily fall back asleep once his head hit the pillow.

It was a little harder for Emily to get to sleep again. She was happy, happier than she had been in a while. There was no more hiding from her feelings, even if she wasn't ready to shout it off the rooftops yet. It was their beginning, and she was ready to see where it took them and their family.

Blame it on Christmas spirit, but the excitement was tingling through her, and she just couldn't sleep. His kisses, their potential future, Christmas morning, their first date… It was all on her mind. So, she didn't manage much sleep and she wasn't very upset about it at all.

She stayed in bed until sometime after five and decided to beat the kids up, start some coffee, and get ready for the day. Pulling on her robe and slippers, she made her way into the kitchen. In a haze, she went straight for the coffee, surprised when a voice sounded in the room.

"You and Aaron have a nice time last night?" Elizabeth asked, knowing smirk on her face as she watched her daughter fill the mug.

"Warn a girl, why don't you," Emily hissed, heart racing. "Merry Christmas."

"My apologies, and Merry Christmas to you, too, Dear. That didn't answer me, though."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Emily responded, sipping from her mug to hide the blush creeping on her cheeks.

"Sure you don't."

"Really, I don't."

"The attic is right above my room, Emily. That was why I never worried about you when you," she added air quotes, "ran away."

"Hey. There were times I really did run away."

"Yes there were, and you always came back. But that is neither here nor there. Sit."

"I ugh… I want to get a fire going before the kids wake up."

"Sit," Elizabeth instructed.

Emily felt like a child about to get a lecture which made her even more obedient. A silent sigh, she moved and sat across from her mother at the table.

"So…"

"Don't play the fool. What were you two up to last night? Or is it better that I don't know? Should I send the cleaning staff up there first thing tomorrow?"

"Mother!"

"What? You're an adult… You can sleep with whoever you wish wherever you wish, though if you were to do it in my home, I'd really prefer it not to be in listening distance… or with my grandson right there."

"Why are we even discussing this? We didn't sleep together… At least not in the primordial sense of the word."

"You guys were awfully giggly and making a ton of noise up there."

"We were talking."

"So you both just… couldn't sleep? Is that it?"

"Please don't read more into it than there is to read. We both had the same idea. I was outside getting the last of the presents I brought, you know, the things we weren't opening yesterday. He came out to do the same. When we were done with everything, neither of us was sleepy, so we stayed up and talked. I showed him around the house a bit more. It was beautiful out last night, so I showed him the view from the attic."

"You did always love that view."

"I did."

"Are you two an item now?"

"Didn't I…"

"You can say what you like, Dear, but I will still come to my own conclusions."

"Going against the evidence… Good thing you're not in law enforcement."

"I'd say good thing you're no longer in the field."

"Hey."

"Hay is for horses, and, since there are none around, let's stay on topic, shall we?"

"I don't even know who you are anymore," Emily said.

Her mother had become more and more free spirited with her. It was like it took decades of going back and forth from civil to hate to finally reach a point of actual friendship. Emily, honestly, had no idea what to do with this version of her mother.

"Talk to me, that's what. Tell me what's going on between you and Agent Hotchner."

"Honestly, Mother, we are very good friends."

"But you're not with Val anymore."

"I'm not."

"Because of Aaron?"

"No… Because Val… he wanted more than I could give him."

"Whatever does that mean?"

"He wanted me to marry him."

"He proposed?" Elizabeth asked, posture straightening out as she leaned in.

"Yes. He proposed, but I said no because it was too soon, and we were still in a rocky place."

"What did he want that you couldn't give him?"

"He moved back to France to be with his daughter."

"Commendable, putting his child first."

"It is," Emily agreed. "Which is why, when he asked me to go with him, I had to say no."

"He asked you to move to France?"

"Yes. Obviously, I couldn't do that. I didn't want to do that. My life is here now. I like it here."

"The man you really want to be with is here," Elizabeth added.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Not until you tell me something," Elizabeth confirmed.

"We are going to figure things out. That's all we have right now."

Elizabeth looked into her daughter's eyes, reaching to take her hand. "You want to be with him?"

"I… Yes."

"Then be with him," she said. "You've never been afraid. You've always paved the way, broken down whatever barrier stood in your way, but this time, you're your only roadblock. All you need is to stop getting in your own way. Let it happen."

"Que será, será?"

"Yes. What will be, will be."

"That easy."

"Could be. I think, from my perspective, you two would be good together."

"Thanks…"

"But only if you stop worrying about everything."

"Why are you pushing this? You've never been a cheerleader for any of my relationships."

"Aaron is a good man, and you deserve to be happy with someone who will treat you right. I had no problems with Val. It was even nice to be able to speak with him in his language, but I didn't feel that you were completely happy with him. There was something not quite right there."

_Yeah, _Emily thought, _I was kissing Hotch._

"But with Aaron, I see how easily you both work together, how much you care about each other's son. You make a good family…"

"Mom… this is a very deep conversation to be having before 6 am on Christmas morning with minimal coffee."

"Alright. I get it. We can save the rest for another day," Elizabeth said, getting up from the table and kissing Emily's forehead. "Go start that fire."

"Wait," Emily said. "Why were you up so early?"

"Oh," Elizabeth started. "I was worried I'd wake up to moaning…"

"Mother!"

"Right above me, Emily. I could hear things."

"So when I was in college and came home with Rinaldo…"

"I heard things I wish I hadn't."

"Oh fudge," she said, sinking into her seat.

"I pretend it didn't happen. Better for both of us, Dear."

"Kill me now."

"Much too messy for Christmas morning. Go start the fire. The boys will be up any minute. I want to have the living room toasty. We'll eat in there."

"Can we make a deal to never, ever have any kind of sex talk before breakfast… or at any point? That would also work for me."

"Where's the fun in that?" Elizabeth teased, walking away.

"Old age made her a whole different kind of evil," Emily mumbled as she sauntered her way toward the fireplace, grabbing some logs from beside it.

Talking with her mother these days was confusing. She didn't understand how their relationship had become so friendly that her mother was willing to bring up both of their sex lives… How close was too close? She didn't feel like she could openly talk about any of that with her mother, but it still felt right somehow. It was odd.

She tried to push it out of her brain. What she did know was that her mother supported her relationship with Hotch, which she appreciated. It would save them some trouble in the long run.

"Boo."

"Agh," Emily jumped up when she heard that and felt a pinch at her side.

Immediately, she turned around.

"Not nice."

"Merry Christmas," Hotch said. "Sorry I scared you. I couldn't help myself. You were in your own little world."

"Yeah, well, you would be too if your mother heard us last night and thought we were having sex."

"What?"

"Yeah. Have fun talking to my mom today. Merry Christmas."

Emily saw no one else around, kissed him, and walked away, leaving behind a very confused and concerned Hotch. He did not want to spend the day with Elizabeth thinking about her thinking about them having sex.

"You're joking, right?" he called out. "You told her we didn't, right?" He could hear her laughing.

He didn't get a chance to pursue it any further as the house began to wake. Nate came running down the steps with a half-asleep Jack straggling behind. Nate's yelling was jovial and welcomed and woke everyone right up. Soon, Dave, James, and Penelope were all joining them around the tree, Christmas music playing, and presents being passed around to everyone sitting by the tree in their pajamas.

Nate excitedly passed out the things he got for everyone before tearing into his own presents. By the end of it, there was paper everywhere and the adults were playing as much as the kids.

"I have something for you," James said to Emily as the rest of the adults and kids headed to the kitchen to start on breakfast.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I made it," he said. "Consider it another peace offering."

"We've made peace, James."

"I know, but I will always have regrets and, even if I can't completely make up for them and I can't change time, I can offer you something."

Emily took the gift.

"Open it now?"

"Yes."

She pulled the paper apart. Inside the box was a thumb drive and photo album.

"It's a scrapbook," he said, correcting her thoughts. "Of Nate… from before he came back into your life to now. On the drive, there are videos, things you've never seen, mostly. I thought… Well, I thought it was the least I could do."

"Is this going to be your thing now? Grand gesture Christmas presents."

"Call it holiday spirit."

"I can't wait to look at these. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They shared a brief hug before they were called to breakfast. Dave and Elizabeth cooked, which kind of surprised them. It was a light breakfast because there was plenty of food being prepped for their dinner. Mostly, the day was full of fun, family, and togetherness.

Nate pulled out the guitar he brought with him and sang the French song Emily taught him, finally getting to show it off. Everyone joined in when the Christmas music started flowing. A few people may have even gotten caught under the mistletoe. Seeing Dave and Penelope share a kiss was hilarious. Thankfully, at least to them, Emily and Hotch did not get caught under there again… not together anyway. Their kiss would have been a little too real if they had.

"Is this what Christmases were like when you were a kid?" Penelope asked Emily.

"No… Most of my Christmases were overseas and very…"

"Lonely," Elizabeth finished. "Unfortunately, the holidays were usually just the two of us and sometimes not even that."

"But you have me now," Nate said, cuddled next to his mom. "You have all of us."

"I'm thankful for it every day."

Elizabeth's hand went to Emily's shoulder and the two shared a smile.

The rest of the day was just very cozy. They had an early sit-down dinner that they all helped cook. There was good talk, good wine, and great company.

By the time dessert came, Emily and Hotch were feeling their late night. The kids were playing cards with the other adults while Elizabeth checked on dessert and Emily sat on the couch sipping at the last of her wine while watching the crackling fire.

Hotch joined her, sitting far enough away to not draw suspicion, but close enough that their hands fell in place right next to each other, fingers grazing like a phantom hand hold. Emily smiled and looked over to him, placing her glass down with the other hand.

"Your mother has been teasing me all day."

"Elizabeth," Emily said, "has been taken by the looney bin and given a lobotomy. She is not my mother."

"A pod person?"

"Another fine possibility. I like it… Sometimes. She's more open and playful. I feel like I can talk to her without worrying too much."

"Did you talk to her about us?" he quietly asked.

"Not really. She asked about last night, but that's it."

"Do you want to talk to her about it?"

"No… Not yet anyway. Right now, what happens is between us, and I kind of like it that way."

"Me too."

He unconsciously mirrored her position, resting back into the couch cushions, head facing hers, and hands still touching. They stayed like that, talking until the day truly caught up with them and both fell asleep.

"How cute," Penelope said. "Do you think they know they fell asleep like that?"

"Probably not," Dave responded.

"Should we wake them for dessert?"

"Let them rest. They look like they could use it."

"Fine. But we need a picture… They're just so adorbs."

Penelope did snap a picture and it was shown to them at a much later date.

Elizabeth took the initiative to wake them up threatening to pour cold water over them if they didn't. Emily joked that maybe she should have been happy her mother essentially neglected her growing up if that was what the alternative was. Elizabeth knew she was joking, but it hurt her, nonetheless.

Emily was quick to apologize.

"I'm not going to pretend our past didn't happen, Mom. There were a lot of times you weren't there for me, but you're here now, and I'm happy about that."

"Me too, Dear. For what it's worth, I am sorry. I wish I was a better mother when you needed me."

"I still need you, and you're here now," Emily said.

That seemed like as good a place as any to end the holiday festivities. The night was winding down, everyone was tired, and ready to call it. James, Pen, and Dave all left around the same time while Emily and Hotch stayed behind to load up their cars. Jack and Nate were inside getting the last of their things together while Emily and Hotch were by the cars.

"So," Hotch started. "What's your New Year's looking like?"

"Are you asking if I have plans?"

"Yes."

"I don't. I was supposed to be spending it with Nate, but James asked if he could take Nate to the fireworks and I said yes, especially because I'm taking Nate away for a few days."

"You are?"

"After the new year. He liked skiing so much that I wanted to take him again this year. It was my mom's gift to him. We have a cabin by Shenandoah again."

"That should be fun."

"It will be. You and Jack should come."

"We don't want to intrude on your time."

"Hotch," Emily admonished. "Nate would love it, and it would give him a chance to show off."

"Well, we can go over those details later… Until then… Do you think you can get away for a night?"

"A night? What do you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise."

"An adult only surprise?"

"Yes, Emily. I want to take you on a real date. Just you and me."

"I think that can be arranged. I have Nate this weekend."

"On New Year's Eve. Jack's going to a friend's. We'll be alone. You, me, and our date."

"You going to tell me about it?"

"No. It's all going to be a surprise. Dress warmly and pack an overnight bag."

"Oh… This really is an adult only trip," she winked.

"Nothing has to happen. It's only our first real date."

"I'm excited for it."

Hotch looked around before asking, "A kiss for the road?"

"Absolutely," Emily answered, moving closer, hands on his waist.

It was a chaste kiss, but they weren't ready for major PDA yet, so it was acceptable.

"This has been an amazing Christmas," Emily told him.

"A very good one," he agreed. "Am I going to see you later?"

"Not tonight. Nate and I have a date of our own with the couch and a queue full of movies."

"Sounds fun."

"I'll talk to him about the ski trip. You talk to Jack and let me know if you want to join us."

"I will."

Emily pulled away, saying she was going to get the boys. She sent Jack out after saying goodbye, telling him that they would see them later. She and Nate were going to stick around just a little longer. Emily and Nate waved as they took off.

"You got it bad," Emily heard Elizabeth mutter as she walked away.

"What does she mean, Mom?" Nate asked.

"Nothing. She's crazy," Emily said. "Can you get my bag from upstairs too? Then we'll leave."

"Alright."

Emily took a second to thank her mom for the lovely Christmas, saying they should keep the tradition again next year. It was nice spending time with her mother and Elizabeth took another moment to make a joke about the attic.

"Goodbye, Mom. Merry Christmas."

Emily and Nate left after that. As soon as they were home, they put all their stuff away and collapsed on the couch. They didn't want food or anything. They just started their movies until both fell asleep. It was a nice way to end Christmas together, but the coming days were busy.

They were busy for Hotch too, which made it hard for them to see each other. They resorted to late night phone calls after the boys were in bed and it had to suffice, but New Year's Eve couldn't come quickly enough.

On the day, Emily was nervous the whole morning, butterflies fluttering around her stomach. When he knocked on her door midday, she couldn't keep the giddy smile off her face.

"I would have brought flowers, but you're not going to be here to enjoy them."

She was happy just to see his face.

"I don't expect flowers, Hotch," she said, pulling him into her apartment.

She was all set to go, a small overnight bag packed and dressed reasonably. He took the time to look over her. _Gorgeous._

"We finally get together, and I haven't seen you in a week," he said. "I've missed you."

"That was my intention all along. Trying to keep the spark alive," she joked.

"Already? We're in trouble then."

They laughed.

"So, am I dressed ok for what you have planned? You said jeans… Something warm."

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes."

"Then it's perfect. And I'm ready when you are."

"I'm ready." _So ready. _

"Then," he held out a hand. "After you."


	59. Winter Whirlwind

If you liked last chapter, you'll definitely like this one. It's date time.

**Chapter 59: Winter Whirlwind**

Excitement and nerves were bubbling around them the entire ride. Emily tried to ask him where they were going, but Hotch wasn't budging on the whole surprise thing. He wanted to show her a good time and he wanted her to trust him.

She did. That was never in question. She trusted him with her life, and he her. Still, she wanted to know the plan. Like him, she liked to be prepared. It was one of her idiosyncrasies. She could roll with the punches and be very spontaneous, but she also liked to be in control of situations and prepared for whatever she could.

"Just give me a chance to show you my romantic side, Emily," he pleaded, and that wooed her on its own.

"Fine," she relented. "But only because I trust you."

"Trust me, I know. My little control freak," he said, hand squeezing her thigh as he reached over the arm rest.

"It looks like we're heading toward Quantico. Please tell me your idea of a 'first' date isn't a tour of the BAU?"

"With you, no. That would be pointless."

"But with other women?"

"There are no other women."

"Good answer."

"Now stop trying to guess. We'll get there when we get there."

She conceded. He got his way and she stopped asking. Their banter continued for the long ride until they pulled into a small town about an hour away from Quantico.

"What are we doing here?" Emily asked.

"I thought you were adventurous."

"I am."

"Then be adventurous with me and let me show you a good time."

She rolled her eyes but agreed.

He took her to a small waterfront property on Fairview Beach.

"There's a fair in the town over for New Year's. We could go there if you prefer, or we can just do what I had planned."

"Well, Mr. Hotchner, you wanted to surprise me, so let's do whatever you had planned."

"I think you'll love it," he said. "This is our place for the night. Help me get the bags out of the trunk please."

"Manual labor… What kind of date is this?" she joked.

"I'd carry it all myself, but then you'd ask why I was being such a guy," he tossed back.

"You know me so well."

"I do. Now, you can take the light one in honor of it being a date and not because you're at all weak."

"Why thank you, Sir. How kind."

They carried the bags into the house. Emily joked about it being just like they were heading out on a case.

"The case of Emily and Hotch. Will they or won't they?" Emily jested. "But what's with all the extra gear?"

"For me to know and you to wait and see."

"You're being very mysterious today."

"Do you like it?"

Nonchalantly, she added, "The jury's still out."

Turned out, she ended up loving it. The little villa Hotch rented was small and quaint and perfect for a romantic night. Hotch lit a fire, pulled out a delicious meal for the two of them to share before he took her hand and walked her down the road to a pond.

"It's too cold for fishing and I don't see any poles," Emily concluded as Hotch held her hand and walked her through the woods. "The water must be frozen."

"That's the point," he said. "You told me once about a happy memory you had as a child with you and your parents ice skating. I don't want to recreate that because that would be weird, but I do want you to remember that happy feeling and get on that ice with me."

He smiled with one narrowed, challenging eye.

"Unless you're too afraid."

"Never," Emily said. "I can out skate you."

"I wouldn't bet against that."

"Good. But I don't have skates."

"Emily, Emily, Emily. I'm always prepared."

"For everything?" she asked with innuendo.

"For everything."

"Good. My little boy scout. Where are my skates, Mister?"

He dragged her over to the nearby bench and sat her down. He treated her like she was the Cinderella to his Prince Charming, slipping off her boots and gently putting on her skates that he pulled from the backpack he'd been carrying.

"Tight enough?" he asked.

"Perfect," she said, not referring to the skates.

"My turn," he replied, moving to sit beside her.

She stopped him and returned the favor, helping him into his skates. All laced up, Hotch helped her to her feet and the two easily made their way to the ice, careful as they took tentative first steps onto it.

Their hands had yet to separate as they made their first shaky glides. They were both rusty, yet, as the gentle snow started to fall, and their cheeks were rosy with the cold, they couldn't have thought of anything more magical than being there together, wobbling in their strides.

"Are you having fun?" he asked.

"So much. I didn't know you were a skater."

"I'm rusty, but I can hold my own."

To prove his point, he pulled her close until they were chest to chest as if they were dancing. He led her around the ice, their hold unbreaking.

"Cute, but that's not really showing off," she teased.

"Think you can do better?"

"I think you can," she suggested.

He smiled and tried to prove her right. She showed off a little, too, twirling around, and it became a playful competition between them.

"I can just picture you in a little figure skating costume, ready to dazzle on the ice as a little kid."

"I'm not that good."

"You're amazing," he said, and it was clear he wasn't referencing her skating.

Smile on her face, she picked her toe into the ice and stopped, halting too abruptly for him to follow suit. Hotch came barreling to her, smacking an unsuspecting Emily down to the ice, his body on top of hers.

"Are you ok?" he quickly asked.

Looking up to meet his eyes, she answered, "I'm fine you big klutz."

"Are you sure? Anything feel broken? I don't see any blood…"

"Because I'm not bleeding. But I could use a kiss to make it all better."

"I thought you weren't hurt."

"I'm not… Just kiss me, already. You're missing the moment."

"Oh yeah," he said, leaning down, body and lips hovering just millimeters from her. "What moment is that?"

Instead of verbally responding, Emily moved her head just a bit, lips connecting, whispering through their kiss, "This one."

He returned the kiss, and the two stayed like that until the chill of the ice spread through their bodies, a shiver in its stead.

"We should go inside…" Emily suggested and while he was hoping to get her inside to do more than warm up, he had some other things planned.

"I have something better. The night's not over yet… Unless you're too cold."

Carefully, he got off her and tried to stand, offering Emily a hand once he was grounded on his knees.

"I'm not too cold."

"Good. Let's get these skates off and take a walk. I promise we'll get warmed up."

The snow was still falling gently around them as they made it back to the bench and switched their skates to boots once more.

"Where are we going now?" she asked, taking his hand.

"Another surprise."

"You're full of them today."

"I just want our date to be special."

Smiling, she replied, "I know, but I want you to know that just being with you, sharing space and time together… that's enough. You don't have to go crazy every date night."

"How about just for tonight, and then we can take it from there?"

"As you wish. Lead the way, Sir."

Removing his hand from hers, he draped his arm around her waist and walked with her hip to hip, sneaking a kiss every few steps, her head resting on his shoulder. They didn't walk too far, just returned to the property and into the backyard.

She didn't see it before when they first arrived. She was busy being doted on then, but the backyard overlooked the water. There was a firepit surrounded by a circle of carved tree stump seats.

"It's not quite the beach in the summer, but I think you'll appreciate the view," Hotch told her.

"I already do," she said, staring at him.

"It's almost midnight."

"Almost a new year," she muttered.

"Champagne?" he asked, reaching down behind one of the seats and pulling out a bottle.

"Where did you…"

"I told you. I have this night all planned out."

"Prepared for all contingencies…"

"I am. Now," he reached down again after placing the bottle on the seat. "Here's a blanket for you. Keep our seat warm."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No. Just get cozy."

He lit the fire as she cocooned under the blanket. Popping open the bottle, he poured them a champagne flute and joined her under the warm fleece.

Emily immediately melded her body to his, inhaling the scent of the night air.

"This is pretty nice."

"Just wait."

"For what?"

Mysteriously, he responded, "You'll know when it happens."

Midnight, she fathomed, and it was rapidly approaching.

"One minute," she told him, "Until the new year."

"There's no one else I'd rather bring in this new year with."

"Me either."

He looked to his phone, letting the sound count them down.

10, 9, 8, 7…

"6. 5. 4," Emily joined in.

"3. 2. 1…" Hotch counted with her.

"Happy New Year," he whispered, moving his lips to meet hers.

"Happy New Year," Emily mumbled between kisses.

Their lip lock only broke when the boom sounded. Fireworks shot out over the water in a gorgeous display of colors. Their eyes remained transfixed.

"How did you know about this?"

"I did my research," Hotch said.

"I'm sure you did. It's amazing."

He watched her as she watched the fireworks, marveling at them like she was a wide-eyed child. He loved it.

"You're staring," she said.

"I can't help it. You're just so beautiful." He kissed the tip of her nose. "One more thing."

"What?"

He broke away from her and returned to his cooler, pulling out a bundle of grapes. "Twelve grapes for 12 months."

"I haven't done this in a long time."

"I know, but you said you wanted to do it again."

"I said that months ago."

"I remembered."

"You remember a lot of things, apparently."

"I like remembering things about you."

"And I like that you do," Emily said. "But you're not the only one that can be romantic. I have something for you inside."

He got a dirty smile. "What kind of something?"

"You'll see."

"First, the grapes. Twelve wishes."

"Twelve wishes for each of us," she said.

"Alright," he said, passing her the first grape from the bunch. "Make your wish."

Both of their wishes were relatively simple and mostly versions of the same thing. They had so much, they ran out of things to wish for. Continued health for them and their family and wishes for other people were mostly what came up. For the last wish, they both said the same thing. They wished that what they had would last, that they would get time to figure it out and, no matter what, they would always be close and love one another.

"I love you," Emily told him, no hesitation. The love for them wasn't something new. It was different. It had grown. But it wasn't something to be afraid of. It wasn't something they wanted to deny or wait for when they finally had it.

He smiled. He realized he was in love with her for months, but here she was beating him to the punch.

"I love you too."

Just a few weeks ago they were telling each other they might be in love with one another, and now they were expressing those sentiments openly without worry.

"Thank you for doing all of this for me."

"It's for both of us. Seeing you happy makes me happy too."

"The skating, the fireworks, the food… Everything has been so wonderful."

"Night's not over yet."

"Let's continue to ring in the New Year indoors."

"Ok," he agreed, mouth barely leaving her skin. "Inside is good."

"Yeah it is," she said, innuendo dripping.

Her fingers trailed down to his waist, slipping under the thick material of his coat, icy fingers stinging his hip.

"If you go any further, we're not going to make it inside."

"I saw a hot tub."

"Inside," he said.

They made it back into the living room. The fire was blazing, their movements were frenzied, and when they tripped up on the hallway table, practically spilling into the room and onto the floor, they didn't care enough to move. Their laughter was infectious, and it only made things better between them.

This time, Emily fell on top of him.

"Just how I like it," she seduced, laughing dying down.

"What happened to my present?"

"We'll call this gift number one."

"We don't have to do this, you know. It's not why I brought you here."

"It's not?"

"No," he promised.

"But if I wanted it anyway?"

"Then I'm all for it, but I don't want to pressure you."

"No pressure," she said. "Even if we haven't been dating long, we've waited long enough, don't you think? We've had years of foreplay. I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to waste a moment with you."

He said nothing else, just moved to capture her lips with his, wandering hands making their way lower on her body.

"No turning back now."

"Why would I want to?" she whispered back, pushing him down, head down into the soft faux fur rug. "Unless you want to."

"No," he yelled. "I mean, no… I'm good."

"Yeah, I got that," she laughed. "Now, where were we? Present number 1? Think you're ready for it? Feels like you are."

"Bring it on," he said, nibbling at her lip.

She pulled herself up, straddling him, and used her hands to hold him down.

"I think we're overdressed," she told him.

"We should definitely do something about that."

She offered a wicked smile and moved her hands to her own waist, grabbing at the hem of her shirt and pulling all her top layers off in one swoop. He never wanted her more.

In a fit of passion, he put his hands on her lower back and reversed their positions.

"My turn," he said, stripping himself bare.

There was no holding back after that. The kisses were hurried in between peeling layers off. Hotch was, as Emily said, a boy scout and always prepared. He wasted no time in taking her, taking care of her, touching her and making her feel.

Emily wasn't one to relinquish all control, but the trust was there. She let him lead… this time anyway. Their relationship had always been a give and take. Neither thought this should be any different. Emily had to admit that she liked the way Hotch was taking care of her. She liked the way he took control, the way he knew the right spot to kiss and touch, the way he moved, the way he responded when she called him Aaron…

It didn't hurt to learn he was so vocal in bed. Surely, that was something she never would have guessed, but she was getting as much pleasure from watching him lose his controlled facade as she was from the actual act.

He was sexy, and he was hers.

And he wanted her to know she was his.

He loved the way his body felt against hers, the way she reacted to his touch, the way she told him what she wanted. They just fit better than he could have hoped.

Most of all, they loved how comfortable it was. It could have been awkward. It could have been incredibly uncomfortable breaking that intimate barrier between what they were and where they hoped to go.

They were glad that didn't happen.

They were glad they were compatible in that way too. They would have been incredibly disappointed if they weren't, but, as it happened, they were more than compatible.

"Amazing. You're amazing. How did I not know you were that good at that?" Emily asked, voice breathy, body covered in a thin sheen.

"I knew you'd be that good," he said, slightly panting as they laid side by side, the crackling fire behind them.

She smiled, and turned her head to him, lightly hitting him on the arm. "I'm just glad that wasn't weird."

"Me too… That would have been… Well, terrible… That was anything but weird."

"Why did we wait so long to find that out… to do this?"

"I don't know. We wasted a few years."

Hotch turned onto his side, fully facing her, his hand creating a line of goosebumps as it ran along her bare back and hip, a perfect view as she laid there on her stomach.

"Careful," she said. "I think I have faux fur butt burn."

He laughed. "Worth it?"

"Definitely."

"Next time I'll take the burn, alright?"

"Such a gentleman and I'll hold you to that."

"What do you say we take this to the bedroom?"

"Tired already?"

"Of you? No. I'm going to show you just how not tired I am… Just not on this floor. I'm too old for floor sex. My back will be in spasms."

"Aww, the sexiest grandpa. You know just how to turn a girl on."

"I think I proved I know how to turn this woman on," he countered.

"Race you to the room," she said, pushing up off the ground and running toward the bedroom.

He enjoyed the view as she did, taking his time to watch before following.

Now it was her turn to take control, and he loved that just as much. She was aggressive, in a good way, but still gentle and sweet.

Neither of them ever wanted to leave that bed… They wanted to stay there, just the two of them, naked and happy forever. It wasn't practical, and they would miss their family too much, but they felt hooked on each other and didn't know how they could put on a façade once they got back home. The line was crossed, and they were addicted.

Come morning, after their late night, they woke up to a call from Nate.

He was sad that he fell asleep before midnight and didn't get to wish Emily a happy new year.

"That's ok, Nate. All I care about is that you had fun. Did you?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'll come get you tonight and we'll stay up until midnight playing games… just this once though."

"Can Jack come? We can play more games when there's more people."

"We'll see. For now, enjoy your day with your dad."

"Alright. Love you."

"Love you too Nate."

When she hung up, Hotch swung his arm around her waist, cuddling in bed once more.

"How's Nate?" he asked.

"Good. He didn't make it to midnight this year."

"Poor kid. He'll make it one day."

"When he's older. Did Jack call too?"

"No. He sent me a text and added that I was old and probably already sleeping, so he didn't want to call."

"He has no idea what your stamina is like, does he?"

"Not a clue," Hotch agreed.

"I need coffee."

"I can think of something else that could wake us up."

"I'm sure you can," Emily smirked. "But coffee first."

She winked at him, getting up from bed and pulling a sheet with her. It barely covered anything, and as she stepped away from the bed, she let it fall to the ground.

"That's not fair. You can't walk around like that."

"Oh… And why is that?" she asked, heading toward the closet.

"You know why."

"Why don't you tell me anyway?" she teased.

"Why don't I show you?"

He sat up, reaching over to her as she stood at the edge of the bed, and pulled her back in. They spent the rest of the morning there until the need for coffee and sustenance grew too big.

"I'm still not ready to get up," Hotch told her.

"I'm starving. Come on. I'll cook."

"Let's go out for breakfast."

"Think anything is open?"

"Yeah. There's a diner down the road that had a sign saying they were open today."

"Alright. Give me ten minutes to shower and get dressed."

"We could conserve water…"

"Don't even try it."

"But I could wash your back for you."

"Maybe when I'm not so hungry. Then you can 'wash my back.' For now, break time." In a robot voice, she added, "Must have coffee and food."

He waited for her to get in the shower before following her into the bathroom.

"If I behave, can I come in?"

"Only if you behave," she said over the running water.

He did behave and, literally, washed her back for her and she washed his. It was intimate in a different way, and it allowed them to both get washed up, dressed, and on their way faster.

"This place is cute," Emily said when they arrived at the diner.

"Not bad. I couldn't care less about looks as long as the food is decent."

"Agreed."

Hotch reached his hand across the table, taking hers in his. They barely looked to the waiter that came to take their drink order.

"Coffee," they both said.

The waiter knew enough to leave it at that, only coming back to fill their mugs and take their food order.

They were infatuated though, and the trip only strengthened that. While they sat there in the diner, they only had eyes for each other. Profiling senses were down, and they were only focused on one another.

They were a regular couple in love. Any outside observer could see that.

They ate quietly, occasionally teasing each other over their vastly different breakfast choices, Emily going with the incredibly indulgent Belgian waffles and Hotch opting for and an egg white omelet.

"That's so bad for you," Hotch said.

"I earned it. We worked up quite an appetite. Need to replenish some of those burned calories."

"Good point," he said, reaching across the table with his fork, stabbing it down on the plate and stealing a bite of her waffle.

"Hey."

"What's yours is mine and mine is yours."

"Get your own buddy. We're not married yet."

The "yet" caught them both off guard. It wasn't that neither were thinking ahead. They were. They could envision a future where they all lived together, them and their boys, in a Brady bunch like bliss (minus the exorbitant number of children). He could see himself proposing and she could see herself accepting… down the line. But they were still in the beginning stages of this phase of their relationship… moving it comfortably from close friendship to an intimate relationship.

Hotch, sensing that she was as surprised by her words as he was, made a bad joke about how sex made her jump all in.

She laughed and thanked him for breaking the potential awkwardness with a kiss.

"Let's get out of here," she said soon after.

They quickly paid and headed back to the little villa to clean up after their long night and leave the place the way they found it.

Emily tiredly collapsed on the couch.

"I'm not ready for this trip to be over."

"Me either," Hotch said, joining her. "Maybe we should do something like this more often… Get away, just the two of us. Nate goes to James' and Jack's older now. He has sleep overs and camps and school trips…"

"As much as I'd like to have secret rendezvous all the time… That seems costly when we'll have empty apartments all to ourselves."

"True enough, but every once in a while, let's do this again… just get away from home for a night, go out to dinner, and focus on us."

"I'd really like that." Emily leaned to put her head on his shoulder, feet curled up on the couch.

"What are you thinking about?"

"How romantic you can be…"

"Is it that surprising?"

"No… Not really. I just… We've known each other for so long. I didn't think you'd think you needed to really woo me."

"Em… I'm not doing this to woo you. We've won each other over. That much has been clear since we agreed to end the dance we were doing and make something of this. I did this because you're worth it and I want you to know that I think you are. I want to be the guy that can surprise you like this and show you how much I love you without it just being about winning you over."

"That's good because you don't have to win me over. You have me."

"And you have me."

"I never gave you my gift."

"I think you did… Several times over, and it started with a peep show."

"If that's all it takes, then gift giving is going to be very easy for me."

"Look, the gift was supposed to be part of your Christmas present… For you and Jack, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get it in time, and I didn't, so I'm giving it to you now."

She pulled her head off of his shoulder and leaned down to reach into her bag.

"Here," she said, passing him an envelope. "Open."

He took the envelope and pried it open, pull of out a pair of tickets.

"Season tickets for the Nationals?" he asked.

"I told you. I remember things about you too. I know your dad was hard on you growing up, but baseball was something you both loved, and one of the few good memories you've shared about your dad was about going to a baseball game with him. You can't erase the pain that comes with your father's memory, but you can use the good memories to build stronger, better ones with your own family."

"Thank you. I love it."

"Nate loves baseball too. So, don't be surprised if you see us at a game or two. They are box seats. I called in some major favors."

"I'd be happy to have our whole family there. Seriously, thank you."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I love it, and I love you. Thank you for… everything."

"Are you kidding? I should be thanking you. This night away was perfect. I'm only sad that we have to return to the real world so quickly."

"Me too."

Emily studied his face. "Now it's my turn to ask. What are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about what you've said in the past… about us and the complications of our relationship."

"Oh…" she said, looking at him with worry.

"Not in a bad way," he quickly added. "Just that… Well, I don't know that I'm ready to tell Jack and everyone about us."

"Oh, that's it? I don't want that either… Not yet."

Now it was his turn to be worried, wondering if she was second guessing.

"Why not?"

"I love our family, but they always have an opinion. They will involve themselves in everything we do… I would like to get to know you as my… as my boyfriend… and work on figuring out what changes between us because of that without worrying about their input."

"That's exactly how I feel. I don't doubt we'll make it as a couple, but this is a big step in our relationship. We may have known each other for years, but not in this way. We have things to work out that normal couples get to do without the peanut gallery."

"Plus, I really don't want to hear Pen tell me she was right trying to set us up with the kids."

"We're never going to hear the end of it from her."

Emily cringed just thinking about it.

"Let's make a deal," Hotch said. "Neither of us are ready to go completely public yet."

"Right…"

"So, let's keep it to ourselves… Not tell anyone about our relationship and just be together whenever we can for the next two months."

"And if things are still going well, then we tell them?"

"Yes. We can decide then if we're ready. If, for whatever reason, we're not, then we hold off or if we feel like we're ready before then, then we go ahead and tell."

"I don't want to lie to them."

"We won't. We can tell them we're seeing someone… We can be honest about things, just not divulge everything. By that, I mean please don't tell them about our sex life."

"You know that that's going to happen, right? Pen is an unrelenting gossip and sometimes doesn't stop until she gets all the details. And you marked me!"

"I didn't mean to."

She narrowed her gaze. "Either way, she's going to see the hickey you gave me and want details."

"Fine… Minimal please?"

"That's what I always aim for with her… Then she likes to fill in the blanks."

"Maybe just avoid her for a little while."

She laughed. "We'll see."

"Where do they think you are anyway? I know you were invited to Derek's party too."

"They think I was hanging out with Clyde last night, and while I wasn't last night, I responded pretty vaguely and in a way that wasn't lying."

"How's that?"

"Clyde has been in town since after Christmas. Nate and I both spent some time with him. I just didn't spend last night with him. All I said was that I had plans to see Clyde."

"Clyde was in town?"

"That's all you got from that? Yes. He flew in on the 27th. We spent a few days together."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did… During one of our late-night calls. Maybe you blocked it out… or fell asleep mid conversation."

That did happen on both their ends at times.

"Probably. Well, I'm happy you got to see him."

"Me too. It was nice to catch up again. He's doing well, but you don't really want to hear about Clyde. Where does the team think you spent last night?"

"With Jessica and her family."

"Liar. Liar," she teased.

"For a good reason."

"A very good reason," she replied, offering him a kiss. "I hate that we need to, but we should get out of here."

"Mmm. We should," he said between kisses.

"I don't wanna," she whined.

"We have a few more minutes."

"A lot can happen in a few minutes."

"Mmhmm. So get working."

They had a steamy little make out session before they knew there was no more putting it off. They needed to get back so that they could see their sons and start preparing for the ski trip coming up in a few days.

They couldn't help, though, that they couldn't get enough of each other. Once the barrier was broken, sex was all they had on the brain, even during their family trip.

In the days following New Year's, Emily and Hotch saw little of each other. He had work and she spent time with Nate. They went back to their calling method, but they were in withdrawal mode, even after just a day and a half.

That weekend, they packed up all their winter and ski gear and made the drive to Shenandoah looking like the family they were. Every once in a while, Emily or Hotch would slip their hand over the arm rest and onto the other's thigh to offer a covert intimate touch.

On the slopes, they were all about the kids, keeping things safe and fun. Nate liked to show off with them. He was better than Jack and Hotch, but they were beginners. Jack enjoyed learning the basics, though after the umpteenth fall of the day, he was ready for a hot chocolate break.

Emily and Hotch decided to call it a day, at least where the mountain was concerned. They took the boys to get some food and dessert before spending some time together playing card games by the fire in their cabin. When the boys fell asleep, Emily and Hotch took advantage of the time for some late-night cuddling.

They didn't dare to go any further than some kissing and touching. The last thing they wanted was one of the kids to come into the room finding them naked and canoodling. It would be too scarring, but the cuddling was enough to hold them over.

"When can we go on another date?"

"I can do dinner after classes on Wednesday next week."

"If there are no cases, let's consider it a date."

"I should get to my own bed."

"Five more minutes," he plead, kissing around her mouth. "Then you can go."

Five minutes turned to ten and ten to twenty before Emily was half asleep and walking to her room.

"Where were you?" Nate asked, waking her right from her stupor.

"Huh? Nate, what are you doing up?"

"I had to pee."

"Oh… Well go back to bed. Get some rest."

"But where were you coming from?"

"I uh… I went to the kitchen to get some water," she lied. "Want me to tuck you back in?"

"No… I'm a man now… I don't want Jack to see and think I'm a baby."

"I don't think he would."

"Still, I can handle it. Night."

"Night. Sweet dreams."

Emily sighed in relief that she wasn't caught and waited for him to return to his room before going into hers. Sleep came easy.

The next night, Emily and Hotch repeated their snuggling session, this time with no near misses. The boys were wiped from skiing the mountain instead of the training hills. They were out cold, and the adults enjoyed their stolen moments whether it be their random kisses throughout the day or the late-night cuddles. Those moments were just as special as the wonderful family memories they were creating.

As they were putting the bags into the car, Emily and Hotch talked.

"I'm sad that once we get back, the kids are back to school and I'm getting ready to head back to work. We're barely going to see each other with our schedules."

"We'll figure it out," he promised, taking her hand. "A standing date every Wednesday. We'll meet halfway between our offices."

"You're adorable."

"Adorable? Not sexy?"

"You can be both."

"So can you," he said, stealing a kiss.

"Are we ready to go?" a voice called out, forcing them to jump apart.

"Yeah Jack," Hotch called back. "Grab Nate and tell him that we're all ready."

"Ok."

"That was close," Emily said.

"We have to be better at this."

"For an ex spy and FBI agent, we're not being very stealthy here."

"Can't help it."

"Me either. One more kiss for the road."

"Make it quick," he joked, leaning in for the kiss. The cabin door slammed as their lips met, and, once again, they pulled apart.

Emily groaned before walking over to meet the kids, taking their bags, and telling them to get in the car. She and Hotch exchanged a longing glace before they hopped into their seats, buckled in, and took off. The kids immersed themselves into their phone apps, playing game after game, and the parents chatted, veiledly planning their next date. The boys were none the wiser.

Arriving home, the boys were sent to their respective apartments to bring their bags up, the parents lagging behind to get the rest of the stuff.

"I hope you and Jack had fun."

"We did. Even though he wasn't great at first, Jack picked up skiing quickly. He liked it."

"You weren't half bad either."

"My entire body is sore," he admitted.

"I don't doubt that. Take something when you get home and a hot shower will help."

"A massage would be nice."

"Definitely… Too bad you don't have a girlfriend that could take care of that for you."

"Yeah… Too bad."

"Come on. Let's get this stuff inside. We'll drop the stuff off at my place and then I'll help you carry the rest up to yours."

"We're taking the elevator."

"Oh, definitely."

Part of the Christmas gift from Elizabeth included new gear, skis, and snowboards too. When Elizabeth heard that Jack and Hotch were going too, she sprung to surprise them with a set too, so they came home with more than they left with.

They dropped off the first half at Emily's apartment. Emily found Nate half asleep in his room.

"I know you're tired," she said, "But try to put the clean clothes away and the dirty ones in the hamper before you pass out. You also need a shower."

"Ok…"

"I'm going to help Hotch bring his stuff to his apartment. I'll be right back."

"Ok," he repeated with a yawn.

She laughed and met Hotch.

"Poor kid is so tired."

"Jack too, even if he won't admit it. He'll still try to make it to lights out."

They had some stubborn boys on their hands, but they wouldn't change them for the world.

And, since no kids or anyone that would really care, was around, they got to walk hand in hand back to the car. If it weren't for the heavy load, they probably would have done the same on the way to his place.

Emily helped him bring things in, and Hotch asked Jack to start putting his things away.

"Jack, I'll be right back. I'm going to walk Emily to her apartment."

Jack laughed. "Are you serious? She lives one floor away."

"I'm serious. I'll be right back."

"He has a lot to learn about romance," Emily said as they walked in the hall.

"He does. He has a new girlfriend every month. It's a problem. He's turning into a player."

"Morgan would be proud."

"That's not a good thing."

"I know. But it's nothing serious. He was with that Chelsea girl for a while and now he's just exploring the options, trying to figure out what he likes."

"None of that makes me feel better."

"He's a teenager now. None of this is serious. You'll know when it is. He's probably just like you were at that age."

"You seem calm now, but wait until it's Nate's turn," he said as they exited the staircase and walked the last few steps to her apartment.

"I'm hoping that he's gay like his dads. Then, at least I don't have to worry about teen pregnancy. I'm kidding… Kind of. I don't care who he dates. When the time comes, we'll have another talk about rules and expectations and dating etiquette… Until then, I'm watching and learning from you."

"I can be a good teacher."

"I know you can. I can teach you a few things too," she said, their chests touching, her face a breath away from his.

"Call me tonight?" she asked.

"It's a date."

"One of many to come. Love you," she said, offering him one last kiss before sending him on his way.


	60. Be My Valentine

Chapter was a little delayed. You can thank the tropical storm for that. Enjoy.

**Chapter 60: Be My Valentine**

The next few weeks were full of ups and downs for the couple, mostly ups. There were a few disappointments though.

Their first standing date was a hit. They met for an early dinner/late lunch at a restaurant they both enjoyed. It was less about the food and more about the alone time. They sat in a quiet corner booth, secluded from most of the other patrons, and they cuddled up to each other while they waited for their orders.

They used the time to get to know each other more. They already knew so much, but, at the same time, there was still a lot to learn. They wanted to know everything. They delved in deeper, learned some new things, and it was perfect… while it lasted.

They made it to an astounding total of one of their "standing" dates. In all fairness to Hotch, he made it to the third Wednesday, but got called into work before they could even order, leaving Emily to eat alone. She ended up just leaving after him, learning she didn't love being on the other side of this situation.

His job would take him away from her. She understood that. Didn't mean it didn't suck sometimes. She missed him, more than she thought she would. He missed her too. They were experiencing couple withdrawal. They still saw each other, as friends, and, in ways, that only made the longing worse. 

Before, they didn't know what they were missing, not in the same way. Now they did, and each moment that they were close and unable to touch or kiss or flirt was a painful tease. Their relationship was being put to the test just a few weeks in. They were up to the task, but still wanted more.

Their calls had become more frequent. So frequent that the BAU gang got suspicious. Her calls usually came in like clockwork. She would call daily after her last class, and every Wednesday about a half hour before they were set to meet. When she wasn't calling him, he called her every morning after arriving at work, and every evening before leaving.

Dave and everyone were starting to notice the changes. Beyond the phone calls, he was… lighter. Freer.

Dave decided to broach the subject one day when Hotch came out onto the walkway between their offices. "You've been getting a lot of personal phone calls lately. Everything ok?"

"Great," Hotch answered.

"Jack doing alright?"

"Yeah. He's perfect. He's getting ready for spring soccer."

"Mmhmm."

"What's that? Mmmhmm what?"

"Something's up."

"Man's got himself a girlfriend," Derek chimed in, turning his desk chair around to face them, and pulling the rest of the group in as he did.

"Does he?" JJ asked. "Who's the lucky lady?"

"No lady," Hotch said.

"Come on, man. You're found out. Spill it."

"Yeah. Tell us," Spencer jumped in.

The whole team was around the bull pen, gathered just below the catwalk. Hotch relented, sighing and leaning onto the rail.

"There's a woman."

"Knew it," Derek said.

There was a round of cheers before the questions came. Who was she? How did they meet? What did she look like?

"Tell us something," Derek pleaded.

"What's her name?"

The moment of truth… He and Emily talked about it. They knew their friends would catch on to their behavior despite them trying to conceal it. They weren't going to outright lie about each other or make up any ridiculous stories, but names were to be kept to themselves if possible. The last thing they needed was for Hotch to say he was dating someone named Emily, but not _their_ Emily…

"Tell us anything at this point, Aaron," Dave encouraged.

"It's new," he told them. "We are…"

"So in love," Pen finished, her voice laced with sugar as she sang. "Just look at his face as he thinks about her. Awwww…"

"Now we have to know more," JJ said. "Are you in love?"

"It's a new relationship," he responded. "We care about each other and we're seeing where things go, but…"

"But you love her," Dave said, reading his friend. "What's she like?"

"She's amazing. Smarter than she could ever realize, and not just book smart… All around intelligent. She loves to read and, even if she doesn't think she is, she's a bit of a hopeless romantic."

"Oh my god! So cute," Penelope swooned.

"How'd you meet her? Was it through the profile Pen set up?"

"No," Hotch answered. "No. She is… Well, I initially met her through her family, but we hadn't seen each other for… for years before she came back into my life."

The story seemed oddly familiar, but, apart from Dave, none of them knew that Hotch had worked for the Prentiss family decades ago.

"We got back in contact and, it took a while, but we finally saw what was in front of us."

They were sold on the story. It was cute and just the right amount of detailed for them not to be suspicious or ask too many questions.

"I bet they're adorable," Pen whispered to JJ. "Hotch, give me a name and I will do a full background… off the books."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but that's not necessary. If there's anything in her past that I should know about, I want to learn about it from her. I… I trust her."

"Yeah, man's got it bad," Derek mused. "So bad."

"Can we meet her?" Spencer asked. "Will she like me?"

"Trust me, Spencer, she already does. And soon… I think we can set something up soon, but I'll let you know when. No pushing, alright?"

"Okay," they all agreed, but that didn't mean they weren't going to try to ply him for more information.

They had to know more, but they were respectful. Penelope tried to do a little digging, but she stayed within legal limits. There was no GPS tracking or hacking of any kind. Honestly, they were all just happy for Hotch. They wanted nothing more than for every member of their family to be happy, and he seemed happy.

They could say the same thing about Emily.

Emily, Derek, and Spencer got together one day for Nate. Derek was taking Nate and Spencer out for a guy's day. First, they hung out for a bit.

"Teaching him how to get the ladies," Derek teased.

"I know you're not or I'll castrate you."

"Ouch."

"Bring him home in one piece."

"Scout's honor."

"You use that a lot, Derek, and I will never believe that you were a scout."

"I wasn't. Doesn't mean I don't have honor."

"Questionable," she teased.

"Alright mama. No need to be feisty. You look pretty."

"Thanks."

"Hot date?"

She looked up at him, surprised by the question and not sure why she was. She wasn't going on a date. Hotch and Jack were visiting with Jack's grandparents again because his ex-father in law was sick.

"Who is he?" Derek asked. There was no denying her reaction.

"There's no one."

"There is. Come on, talk to me. Spence and Nate are off lost in some book. We've got a good ten minutes. Tell me what's happening in your life."

"Tell me what's happening in yours," she countered.

"Oh, I'd be happy to tell you all about my exploits, but you usually don't want to hear the details, and that's no fun."

She rolled her eyes, but responded, "I'm seeing someone. It's new-ish… But it feels like we've been together forever, in a good way."

"Yeah? What else?"

"I don't know Derek. What are you asking? What do you want to know?"

"How'd you meet?"

"A mutual acquaintance introduced us a long time ago, but we've recently reconnected," she answered.

His eyes narrowed, but the dots weren't fully connected.

"It's going well?"

"It is."

"You look happy."

"I am."

"He's cool with Nate?"

"Yes, definitely."

"He treats you right?"

"Better than anyone ever has."

"That's all I need to know," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "I'm happy for you. You deserve this, and I hope when you're ready, you'll introduce us. I promise we'll be on our best behavior."

"You better," she said, playfully punching his arm. "Maybe soon. Things are… They're good. When we're ready, you'll know. You all will."

"I'll look forward to it. In the meantime, I'll keep it to myself."

"Doubt it, but thanks for lying. I wasn't keeping this from anyone, you know. We're just… We're seeing where things go before telling anyone. Nate and his son have to be ok with us before anyone else gets involved."

"I get it. Don't know that Pen will, but I do."

"I haven't been out with Pen or JJ in a while. We've all been so busy, but I will tell them about my love life. It's bound to come up anyway. They're way too interested."

"I find that prospect very sexy."

"Don't be gross Derek."

"The mental images…"

"Stop it. Conversation over now. I'm meeting them for a quick drink while you're out with Nate. Are you sure you're ok with him sleeping over?"

"Are you kidding? We're gonna have fun. Kid's got swag."

"Whatever you say. Have him call me, alright?"

"You got it, Princess. I better get these slow pokes moving."

Emily walked out with them, kissing Nate goodbye. "Be careful. Have fun. Call me tonight."

"Bye Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

"_Love you,"_ Derek mocked, using a childish voice.

Rolling her eyes, she waved at them as they got in the car and said, "Bye Derek. Reid, you're in charge."

"Always am," he said out the window.

It was cute that he believed that. They let him have it.

Emily just smiled as they drove off before hopping in her car to meet up with JJ and Pen. It had been a while since they got together. There were scattered phone calls here and there, but, for the most part, just like with Hotch, work kept them busy.

The gals were already there when she arrived.

"Hey!"

"Hi Pen. JJ."

She hugged them each.

"How are you?"

"Good. Good," JJ said. "Michael is getting into everything and Henry likes to help. You know how it is."

Neither of them really did, but Pen and Emily nodded along anyway.

"What about you Pen?"

"Oh boy do I have some office gossip for you. Boss Man has a lady caller!"

"A lady caller, really Pen," JJ grunted, rolling her eyes. "But she is right. He has a new girlfriend. You probably knew that already."

"True!" Pen agreed. "Did he tell you anything about her?"

"Not really," Emily said.

"That means he did. Spill," JJ encouraged.

"Have you seen her? Is she gorgeous? The way he talked about her made is sound like she is."

"He talked about her?"

"A little."

"What did he say?" Emily asked.

"Nuh-uh. You first, Missy. Tell us what you know."

"She's…" Emily wasn't sure how to explain herself. "A teacher, I think."

"Really? I wonder if that was how they met again. Through Jack's school, maybe," Penelope suggested, and Emily thanked her lucky stars that her comment sent them into case mode, putting together the clues instead of asking her to tell them all she knew.

She allowed them to do that as she escaped to the bar for a beer and refills for her friends. When she returned to the table, they were still spit-balling ideas back and forth, occasionally asking her for some input, but Emily was happy to just let their thought train go on… At least she was until the focus shifted to her.

"What about you, Em? You have anybody new in your life?" JJ asked.

"I can't believe you thought to ask that and not me," Pen stated. "Seriously, though, we've all been so busy we haven't been able to catch up on all things love and sex. Are you getting any?"

"Pen…"

"Come on. Indulge us."

"There's a guy."

"She's dating," Penelope yelled, a few other patrons giving them a look. "She's dating," she repeated more quietly.

"You didn't say anything," JJ said. "How long?"

"Not that long. We've been dating for a few weeks. Since around Christmas."

"That's more than a month!"

"I know. I wasn't keeping it a secret. We have all been so wrapped up in the holidays and work. I was going to talk to you about it when we got together after the New Year, but we had to cancel because Henry had the chicken pox."

"That was unfortunate," JJ said. "But we're here now."

"And now you have to tell us everything," Penelope said in a huff.

The "how did you meet" question was always one of the first asked; that and what was his name. Emily dodged the name by saying she didn't want Penelope to go snooping through her phone or cyber stalking him, a joke that made Penelope a little defensive and the question dropped.

"Alright. Fine. Tell us about him. What's he like? Is he handsome?"

"He is… Tall, dark hair, gorgeous hazel eyes…"

"American?" JJ asked, knowing Emily's past love interests.

"Very much so, yes. Virginia born and raised."

"Like you."

"I guess, though I wasn't really raised here most of my life."

"Pish posh. Semantics."

"Okay, Pen," Emily laughed.

"Tell us more," JJ encouraged. "Do you think it's going anywhere?"

Emily bit her lip and nodded. "Yes. I really do."

"Do you love him?"

Her smile grew.

"That's a yes."

"And it's quick," JJ added.

"JJ, not everyone has a secret relationship for months that wasn't really a secret and isn't sure what the relationship is even then."

JJ rolled her eyes and ignored that.

"Maybe it seems quick, but I promise you it's not. He and I… We have a connection, and it's a bond forged through friendship first. We've reconnected recently in a new, more romantic kind of way."

"Did he ask you out?"

"To be honest, the answer is yes and no. We've been dancing around each other for months. I was in a relationship with Val, he was in a relationship too. Once we were free and we spent some time together, it was clear that there was something there. Maybe there always was something there and we didn't see it. I was reluctant to jump in after Val, but… but the feelings were there, and I needed to follow them. I'm happy I did."

"You look happy when you talk about him."

"You came in with a glow," Pen added.

"He's everything I want in a man. He treats me well and surprises me every day. Sometimes it's little things, like I learn something new about him, and sometimes it's these grand gestures that he does just to show me that he cares. His sense of humor… Well, that has always been a surprise. You wouldn't think he had it in him. And he's such a good father…"

"He has kids?"

"Yeah. A son."

"Also like you. Have they met?" JJ wondered.

"They have. They adore each other. He treats Nate like his own son. Nate loves his son, too. He's so great with them both… so nurturing and emphatic, and so everything that goes against his alpha male personality."

"Do you see a future with him?"

"More clearly than I ever have before."

"Isn't she so cute?" Pen gushed. "We're very thrilled for you and there will be more on that later. But, enough about all the mushy stuff. Muscles or dad bod?"

"He's not in the gym everyday like Derek, but he has a good body," Emily admitted.

"Have you slept with him?"

"She has… look at that blush."

"How was he?!"

"Pen…"

"We're in a bar, drinking and having fun. No kids around. This is totally appropriate conversation. You did sleep with him, right?"

"Yes."

"And?" Penelope urged with wide, waiting eyes.

"And it was good."

"Just good?" JJ asked.

"Better than good."

"How much better?"

"It was… It was amazing. One of the best… I don't know that he was any more skilled than any other guy, but… It felt different. Felt like there was… I don't know, something deeper. Something deeper than I've had with Val or any other guy."

"Like it wasn't just sex?" JJ questioned.

Emily nodded.

"Oh, honey, you love him."

"God… So much…" she mumbled, thinking things through in her head.

"When can we meet this sex god?" Penelope asked, breaking the moment Emily was experiencing.

It wasn't that she didn't already know that she loved Hotch. In one way or another, she had loved Hotch for a long time. But the fact that they were friends first, that they danced around coupling for so long… all of it cumulated into something greater, and they were only just starting to let that sink in.

Were they going to jump into the next step with reckless abandon, no, but did they each see a real, clear future with each other, definitely. That was something she didn't see with Val. She wanted more with him, but she couldn't picture it. She had trouble letting him all the way in even though she did love him. That was true of many of her relationships.

Hotch was, first and foremost, her friend. Jumping into things with him was, in itself, very different and a conscious choice that didn't feel like it was a choice. It felt natural. Did she think that meant it would be easy? Again, no, but it meant she wanted to try.

They both felt drawn to each other, beyond their friends' and family's set ups, and wanted to try without others' encouragement to truly understand what was happening between them. They liked what they were experiencing, and they were almost ready to share that happiness with everyone.

Unfortunately, the decision of when wasn't totally in their hands.

Valentine's day was rapidly approaching, and though they had some stolen moments while spending time over at one another's place with the boys, they really hadn't had the alone time they craved. Thursday before Valentine's, after another missed Wednesday, Emily and Nate were over at Hotch's. Jack needed help with his French homework and Emily was the best solution to that. So, while Emily took over French tutoring, Hotch helped Nate with some of his arts and crafts. He wanted to make something that involved power tools and Emily just didn't want to give that kind of equipment to her child.

"Quels animaux avez-vous vu au zoo?" Emily asked Jack, trying to gauge his response abilities.

Eyes wrinkled in thought, Jack asked, "Does that mean what animals are at the zoo?"

"Close. What animals did you see at the zoo? You need to write as many animals as you can think of."

"Un lion," Jack said.

"Try something harder. We went over these. I know you know them."

"Un singe"

"A monkey, good. What else?"

They went through a laundry list of animals, Nate occasionally spitting out his own answers. He had been keeping up with his French lessons post Val.

"Nate, Bud, unless you want to help Jack out, let's keep this lesson his, ok?"

"Alright. Hotch and I are making my bird house anyway. It's going to be awesome."

"I have no doubt. We'll pick up the paint for it Monday after school."

"Can't Dad take me to get it?"

"You can ask him when you see him this weekend. If not, we'll go Monday."

"Fine. I'll wait," he huffed.

"It's ok, Nate. We have to keep working to make it paint ready," Hotch said. "You don't want to rush it."

"I know, I just can't wait to see it when it's all done."

"You know," Hotch started, "Maybe you shouldn't paint it."

"Why not? We could make it my favorite color and it would be so cool."

"Yeah, and I know it's allowed for the project, but look at it. It's all made from recycled material, even the nails we're using are from something else. We got different color wood from old furniture and an old container cut up to hold the bird seed. It's going to look unique and special. Painting it could take away from that. It would still be cool, but in a different way."

"Hmmm, I'll have to think about that," Nate told him. "We'll see."

"Until then, let's get back to work. I bet we'll be finished before they are, and we can get started on those cookies without them."

"I'm in!"

"Not fair," Jack yelled. "You better save me some. They're my favorite."

"Then we better get to work and get done before they do," Emily suggested.

"Ugh… Fine. Stupid school."

"Don't say that. You like school."

"Yeah, but I like cookies too."

"Don't we all."

Emily smiled and started talking to him in French. The more often she did it, the more Jack learned, so sometimes she would just talk until he caught a word or two that he knew and responded.

They did beat Hotch and Nate to the finish line, completing the assignment before their recycled material project was ready. They were too ambitious thinking their bird mansion would be easily crafted.

"More cookies for us," Emily teased with Jack.

"Mom!"

"Don't worry Nate. We'll share. Once you boys are cleaned up of course. You have glue and dust everywhere."

"But I want one bite now. Please."

"Fine," Emily gave in, walking over to where Hotch and Nate were working, cookie in hand. "Open."

Nate opened his mouth, and Emily put a piece of a cookie in it.

"That'll hold you up."

"Thanks," he said, cookie crumbs falling from his full mouth.

Emily rolled her eyes and didn't reprimand him this time.

"Hey, what about me?" Hotch called to her when she was about to walk away. "Don't I get a taste?"

"Nope," she teased. "I think you have to wait a little longer."

"Aww… Please?"

"I don't think so, but I'll save you some," she said with a wink.

"Mean," he whispered.

Nate nodded his agreement.

But Emily paid Hotch back in kind later. The boys were bringing Nate's project to Emily's apartment, leaving Emily and Hotch to clean up after dinner. There was less cleaning than there was making out.

"They'll be back any second," Emily said, head leaning into his. "I wanted to talk plans for this weekend. Are we still on for Valentine's Day?"

"Absolutely. I made a reservation…"

"Cancel it," she interrupted.

"What? Why?"

"You did something special for me, and now it's my turn to do it for you."

"What did you have in mind?"

"We'll do dinner. I have a reservation too. The rest of the day is about you, though, and things you like."

"Which means?"

"It means we'll have fun. This time you'll be the one wondering what's next."

"I can't tell if this is revenge or just romantic."

"I guess you'll find out."

She gave him one more kiss before pulling away. It was time for her to head home and make sure Nate started to get ready for bed.

"Thanks for helping him out tonight."

"Are you kidding? Thank you for helping Jack. You could have worked on the project with Nate, but I definitely could not help Jack with French."

"Well, I'm around any time."

"I know, and so does he. Are you sure you have to go?"

"Mmhmm. It's a school night."

"I know," he said, pulling her close again. "I just… I missed this."

"Me too. You have no one to blame but yourself, Mister. And the serial killers that keep you too busy."

"You could always come back. We can share rooms on the road."

"Ha. Me being back at the BAU would kill this relationship before it could go any further."

"Think of all the fun we could have."

"Not happening. You want fun, we'll make out in the bathroom at Rossi's next time we're over there for dinner… See if we get caught."

"Can't we do that anyway?"

"Oh Hotch, what am I going to do with you?"

"I can think of a few things."

"I'm sure you can." She rolled her eyes and, once again, stepped away. "I'm going. I'll send Jack back. Be sure to call me if you get a case."

"Will do."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Emily didn't dawdle, knowing that if she stuck around, they would start kissing again and who knew where that would lead or which of their kids would catch them. Though they were sure the kids would be happy, she really didn't want them finding out that way.

When she got back to her apartment, Jack and Nate were playing video games…

"I thought you were just dropping stuff off. We were wondering what was taking so long. Get lost along the way?"

"Ugh… Nate just wanted help with this level."

"It's a school night, boys. I think it's time to put the games away."

"But Mom… Just five minutes. It's almost passed."

"Five minutes. I mean it though. I'm setting a timer." She wasn't, but the threat was there. "Finish up."

"She's mean tonight."

"Nah, she's just being a mom," Jack told Nate.

Emily silently smiled and walked away.

True to her word, she returned five minutes later to say time's up. They were almost done, saved the game, and moved on. She sent Jack home and Nate into the shower. The night went on as usual and the next day and a half passed without incident.

Saturday morning, Emily dropped Nate off with James and tried to hurry away.

"Why are you in such a rush?" James asked.

"I have somewhere I need to be."

"Can you spare a few minutes? I want to talk."

"Uh oh… What's wrong?"

"Nothing… Really, it's nothing bad. I just wanted to know if you had plans tonight?"

Emily looked at him skeptically, not willingly offering up a response just yet.

"I… I may have a date. I know it's last minute, but…"

"No… No. This is your weekend with him, and I have plans… Plans I've been looking forward to. I get it, James, and I'm happy you're putting yourself out there, but not tonight."

"I get it… Maybe you could take him early tomorrow?"

"That I can do. I'll call you in the morning and we can talk about it."

"Ok. Thanks."

"Bye James."

Emily rushed off after that, excited to see Hotch and start their date.

Arriving at his place, he wasted no time in pulling her in for a kiss, a heated kiss that continued to grow deeper.

"Can't we just stay here all day? I promise we will have a good time."

"I'm sure we would," Emily agreed between kisses, "But I planned an outing, and we're going to see it through."

"Bossy."

"You like it," she said.

Hand on her waist, holding her against him, he responded, "Only when we take turns."

"Don't we always?"

"I guess we do. Are you sure we have to go? We could do some catching up."

"Mmm. As much as I'd like to 'catch up,' we have plans to get to."

"They can't wait?"

"Not this time. I'll make it up to you."

"You better," he pouted. "Fine. Let's go."

Emily smiled knowing he wouldn't expect anything that was coming. She called in another favor with her connections and got Hotch, both of them really, a private batting lesson with some of the Washington Nationals team.

She got a thrill from watching him light up as he swung the bat. She even allowed the guys to corral her into the fray for a swing or two. It took a few balls, but she managed to get a hit. Hotch even cheered for her.

"My hand eye coordination in sports isn't all bad," she jested.

"Definitely an improvement," one of the players joked.

Later, Emily had to explain that she went to college with one of the younger player's father… dated him.

"You still keep in touch?!"

"Isn't that what Facebook is for?"

She left out that she also dated one of the players years ago. Seemed best to leave that out.

Needless to say, their few hours on the baseball diamond, even in the chilly winter air, was fun. And that was only part one of the day. Emily could only arrange a few hours of their time, and she didn't want to keep any of the players from their own dates.

"There's more?" Hotch asked.

"Of course. You got me private ice skating and a personal beach. I give you baseball and surprises."

She did, indeed, surprise him with a day of childlike wonder. The baseball and then the winter fair, something they were sure to take the kids to next weekend, made him feel like a happy kid again.

He smiled the whole time. He was just as happy when night started to fall and they were sitting in his favorite restaurant, dressed a little less casually, content to be there with each other. Their hands met across the small table for two. Talking to each other about things that weren't BAU case related was one of their favorite things to do.

"Did you have a good time today? I know it wasn't as romantic as what you did for me, but it was still fun, right?"

"I felt like a kid again. It was great."

"Good." She sighed in relief and gave a half smile.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Well… about us."

"What about us?"

"Where do you see us in a year from now?"

He sat up a little straighter. Apparently, they were having the talk, the defining of the relationship and future talk.

"I've been thinking a lot about our future too," he responded. "I don't know where we will be a year from now, but I know I see you by my side and me by yours. I know that much."

"I see that too… anything else," she asked, hoping to hear more of his vision, wanting to know if it matched her own.

"I'm no fortune teller, Emily, but if you're asking what I'm hoping for down the line, then I see it all."

"All?"

"All," he said. "But I've proven to be less of the commitment phobe than you. What do you want?"

"I guess… No, I know… I want it all, too. I… I can see a future with us. I told you that from the beginning. I want to be a family with you and Jack and me and Nate. I want us to all grow together."

"That's all I want. I don't have a time frame for you. We both know we can't plan these things like a science, but one day, Emily, we're going to have it all."

"Maybe in a year from now, we'll be living together… Or maybe we'll be exactly where we are now, and I'd be ok with either because, for the first time in any relationship I've been in, I feel very content just knowing we're figuring things out together."

"I feel that too."

"But I also think I'm ready."

"Ready for what?"

"To move forward."

"Like marriage?" he asked, no fear in his voice.

"Sure… Maybe someday, but I was thinking more immediate. I don't want to hide this anymore. I'm sure that we can work. I don't know that we will, but I know we're both determined to try, and it will never go anywhere if we have to sneak around and hide from our family."

"I agree." His hand squeezed hers. "In fact, I told Jack I was dating again."

"You did?" Emily asked, surprised.

"Yeah. His response was, 'Cool. Good luck with that.'"

"That was… nice of him."

"Yeah. Welcome to the teen years I guess."

"Can't wait." Emily fake laughed. "Nate's noticed I've been out more lately."

"Did you tell him anything?"

"I said that when and if I'm ready to tell him things, I'll sit him down and we can have a chat."

"Oh…"

"I'm kidding," she said, nudging him. His disappointment at the thought that she wasn't ready to share their relationship was too much. "I want to tell him… About us. I don't want to wait anymore. Not with him, not with Jack, and not with the team."

"I completely agree. Let's have dinner tomorrow when Nate gets back. We can tell them together."

"Maybe I can drop by the office this week… If there's no case. Drop some hints for the team before we share that we're in a relationship."

"I'm sure they would be happy to see you around there again."

"And maybe we can make out in your office. You know, feel like we're breaking the rules a little?"

"Dangerous," he joked, brows wiggling.

"So, we're really telling the boys and the team?"

"We really are… Your mother too. She should probably hear the official news from us and not the gossip hounds she gets her normal info from."

"I love that you get that she's a gossiper. I don't make that up."

"She knows people who know people who know everything. Or think they do."

"Exactly. I'm glad someone gets it. I tried explaining that to Reid the other day and he just couldn't grasp it. Spencer Reid…" She let that hang, smile on her face contagious.

"I love when you smile like that," he told her, sending a blush to her cheeks. "It's gorgeous."

"Thank you," she said. "I love whenever you smile. You don't do it nearly enough."

"I do when I'm with you."

"That's true. I guess I bring it out of you."

"More than you could know."

Emily leaned over the table, placing a kiss upon his lips. "I've never been one for Valentine's Day," she said, "But I'm really happy to be here with you."

"Me too. Thank you so much for today."

"Don't worry. It's not over yet."

"Good. First, though. I'm starving. Kissing takes a lot out of me," he joked.

"I hope not too much. We do have two empty apartments tonight."

"Definitely not too much."

Hotch moved his chair to the side of the table as close to Emily as he could get. Emily sat beside him, leaning into his side, head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her shoulder and the other held hers. Occasionally, as they waited for their food to be served and in between conversation, they would kiss. But neither was particularly huge on public indecency, so it was tasteful and done only out of love and need.

They were so engrossed in each other and their time together that neither initially noticed the eyes that kept peering their way, or the person that entered the ladies' room only a few seconds before Emily excused herself to wash her hands before eating.

Emily was standing in front of the sink, drying her hands when someone stood beside her. She looked up and was surprised, immediately stopping her actions, and turning to face the other woman.

"JJ?"

"Emily? So that was you? I thought it was."

"I uh… yeah, I guess," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same thing as you," JJ replied hugging Emily hello. "Will and I are on a date. Mom's got the boys tonight. Are you here with new guy? The dream boat?"

"Dream boat?"

"That's what Pen is calling him until you tell us more. Am I going to be able to get a glimpse of him? All I saw was dark hair. But I also wasn't sure if that was you."

Emily sighed in relief. They just agreed to tell their friends they were dating, so she didn't want JJ to find out through sheer coincidence.

"It was."

"So, can I meet him?"

"Uh…"

JJ answered herself. "Right, romantic evening, probably not the best time to interrupt."

"Yeah… Tonight, I'd like him to myself, but what if we set something up soon? Maybe we can do a double date?"

"Yeah?"

"Yes. I think we'd like that."

"Ok. Sounds good."

"Great. We'll talk about it soon. I'll call you soon."

"You better. I know where you live."

"Scary," Emily joked. "Bye JJ. Have a great night with Will."

"You have a good night too," JJ said. "Come on. I'll walk out of here with you. Can't keep Will waiting."

They were just walking out of the door, chatting a second longer in the alcove between the bathrooms when someone walked up.

"Hey. What was taking so long? Food is… Out," he said, thought trailing as he caught sight of JJ staring back at him with big, wide blue eyes.

"Hotch?!" she said. "You're here with… You and Hotch, Em? That's who you're here with? Are you dating?"

JJ looked back and forth between her friends who seemed to only be able to look at each other, a tension brewing among them all.


	61. One Year Later

**Chapter 61: One Year Later**

_JJ and Will were kid free for the night and so thrilled to be spending Valentine's out on the town together. They were barely at the restaurant ten minutes when JJ seemed to have lost her husband's attention. _

"_Earth to Will. What are you staring at?"_

"_Sorry. Sorry," he apologized. "I just thought I saw someone."_

"_Who?"_

"_It's not important. I'm here with my beautiful wife, and my attention should be on her."_

"_Damn right."_

_Every once in a while, he turned to look, but tried not to be obvious. He could have sworn that was Emily. Nothing wrong with that. If she was there, great. He hoped she was having a nice time. But he also thought he saw Hotch. And if they were both there, there was some basis to the conclusion that they were there together. That wasn't a problem either, but Will knew it could be. _

_JJ would have mentioned if Emily was dating Hotch. She hadn't. All JJ told him was that Emily was dating and so was Hotch. Those things weren't mentioned at the same time and their partners were never even named. It was none of his business, but it was hard to concentrate solely on his wife when there was potential drama brewing. JJ would be happy for them, he knew, but the initial blow of not being immediately informed of the pairing would hit her hard. _

"_I'm going to run to the bathroom. Get your head together by the time I come back."_

"_Sure thing," he said._

_When JJ got up, she saw the snuggling couple a few tables over, their backs to her, but she noticed the familiarity of the woman. It looked like she had the same hair cut and color as Emily, even the same jacket perched on the chair. _

_Thinking it could be her, JJ tried to get a look at the guy. Not wanting to disturb any of the patrons and not really able to get much of a look at all, she retreated, heading into the bathroom. She didn't know that Emily got up only seconds later heading for the same place, so it was a surprise when they caught each other at the sinks. _

_Even more of a surprise when they walked out together…_

"_Hotch?!" she said. "You're here with… You and Hotch, Em? That's who you're here with? Are you dating Hotch?"_

_JJ looked back and forth between her friends who seemed to only be able to look at each other, a tension brewing among them all._

"_JJ it's…"_

_Emily stopped him, walking closer to him and putting her hand in his in a show of solidarity before answering as simply as possible. _

"_Yes," she said. "Hotch and I are dating."_

"_He's the guy you told us about?"_

_Emily nodded. _

"_And she's the woman?"_

"_Yes," Hotch answered. _

"_Why didn't either of you just say that?"_

_They looked to each other, hands gripping tighter. _

"_Look JJ, I'd be happy to talk to you about this in detail any other time, but for now, I'll give you the simplified version. Hotch and I… We've always been just friends, family even, and when we got pressure from the boys and even you and Pen to try us out as a couple, it pushed us apart more than it did together. Then we decided it was something we wanted to give a shot, so we did, but we needed to do it on our own to see where it went first. We said if we made it two months, we'd tell everyone. Two weeks more, and tonight, we decided we were ready to tell the boys and then everyone."_

"_And to be fair, JJ," Hotch added, "You didn't tell anyone about Will…"_

"_For a year, and even though we all knew," Emily added._

_JJ sighed. They weren't wrong, but she still wasn't happy._

"_We would have been happy for you both, and super supportive."_

"_Are you kidding? That was never in doubt," Emily said. "Jay, we love you, all of you, and we were never hiding. We would never do that. But this was something between the two of us, for us to see if it was real without wondering if we were just egged on because of other people. It was truly just for us, and to do right by our boys."_

_JJ nodded. She wasn't satisfied, not completely, but they were drawing attention and she could see Hotch's agitation. _

"_JJ, we're sorry you feel slighted," he said. "But we did what was right for us, and you can't ask us to apologize for that. Now, I saw Will on my way over here. The two of you are probably out for a nice evening. We are too. So, we can stand here, hammer out all the details, and put a damper on our romantic evening, or we can agree to leave things where they are and pick them up at a better time."_

"_I vote for the latter," Emily chimed in. _

"_Me too," JJ agreed. "I'm sorry. I am upset, but I'm also happy for you both. Based on what you both said, I get it. I really do. So let's go about our night, but you better call me tomorrow."_

"_I will," Emily promised. "Enjoy your night."_

"_You too."_

_Emily watched her go before hugging Hotch. "Sorry about that," she said. _

"_Not your fault."_

"_Neither of our fault but sucks anyway."_

"_Let's not worry about it. Our food is ready."_

"_Would you be terribly upset if we took it home to eat?"_

"_I wouldn't be upset at all."_

_Meaning it, he had their food boxed up and they went home. They were more at ease there, playfully feeding each other and laughing together before the night took a different turn. For, as beautiful as he thought she looked in her dress and as handsome as she thought he was in that suit, neither could wait to get the other out of it._

The next day, they told the boys. They were happy for their parents but didn't really give it much more attention until they kissed in front of them for the first time and were welcomed with Jack's, "Gross. Are you going to do that all the time?"

"Yup. Better get used to it," Emily teased, running her hair through the teen's messy hair.

Happy with the boys' responses, they moved on to the next group. The team was told. JJ and Emily had their talk, and JJ understood their actions, especially when she had time to think about it.

"I was upset," JJ explained, "Because you didn't even hint at it being Hotch and we were careful not to mention him. You didn't share anything… It seemed like that, anyway. But I've had a second to cool down and think back on how each of you talked about the other and… I'm just happy for you both. You deserve happiness. I'm going to lose the bet to Penelope, but I'm happy for you."

"You guys bet on us?"

"There's an office pool on everything."

"Does Hotch know?"

"Absolutely not. And you're not going to tell him."

"My lips are sealed," Emily promised. "Thanks… For being ok with this."

"I was always ok with this, Em. I was just surprised. I can't really hold it against you, though."

"You really can't. At least we were better at hiding it."

"Yes," JJ said. "Kissing each other while seeing other people is being really good at hiding it."

"Hey now. Don't be mean."

"Sorry. Sorry. Seriously, Will and I are happy for you, and we're ready for a double date whenever you are."

"We'll set something up."

JJ was happy for them, and the rest of the team was just as happy and not so surprised, wishing them nothing but happiness and good fortune.

When it came time to tell James, they feared the worst. They feared he'd revert to his original thought that Emily was using Nate to land Hotch or bring forth the insecurities with having Hotch in Nate's life in an almost stepparent role.

But he surprised them. He proved them wrong. He was happy for them. He wished them well.

"I've come to terms with the inevitability of you two," James told them. "I've seen you date a lot way back when, and no one has ever made you as happy as he has… Not even when you two were in denial and 'just friends.' I'm not going to stand in the way of that."

Maybe it had something to do with his new boyfriend. Maybe the therapy they all did worked. Truth was that it didn't matter. Things were good.

So, their secret was out, and it felt better than they could have imagined. Things were different… Everything was in a different place. In a good way.

Even a year later, Emily and Hotch were solid. They were happy together, open with their relationship and happy to have their family involved. Yes, Penelope made it a point to gift them weird sexual things and make inappropriate jokes, but they were oddly ok with that… It wasn't like she did it in front of the boys, and it was her way of showing support. Weird, but very Penelope.

The first time they kissed in front of the team, Penelope aww-ed. Dave told them that there would be no "baby-making" in his house when they were over.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hotch said, winking at Emily.

Honestly, the group said that the two of them together made both of their friends seem more open… now that everyone knew. They showed more public displays of affection than any of them had seen from either except for the few times Hotch and Haley were out with them, still happily married.

Even Elizabeth was thrilled. When Emily dropped by to fill her in on her love life revelation, all Elizabeth could say was a sarcastic, "No. Since when?" She called it way before Christmas, and she was happy for her daughter for seeing things through.

"If he treats you as well as he seems to, hang on to him," Elizabeth advised. "He's a looker."

So, it was good. They were happy, and things were moving along. They had their ups and downs, of course. Their first real fight was the worst. Seemingly innocuous bickering turned into a screaming match after plans were cancelled, and both said things they really shouldn't have. Emily said something about Haley, and Hotch brought up Emily's past. It was a mess, and it took a few days for them both to calm down, but then they talked like adults and made up.

"That was… I don't like fighting with you."

"I don't either," Hotch agreed.

"Not talking to you was hard. The only person I wanted to talk to about what I was feeling was you."

"I picked up the phone a few times to call."

"But you didn't."

"No. I didn't. I'm sorry about what I said."

"Me too. Look. We talked a lot about your relationship with Haley and my past relationships, and we were supportive and empathetic when we talked about it. Then we used it against each other, and that wasn't fair or kind of either of us."

"You're right. We were angry and both said things that we knew would hurt the other. But I'm not ready for this to be over. Are you?"

She shook her head, "No. I don't want that. The last few days were hard. Fighting with you was hard. Being without you was harder."

"For me too, but I also know we needed the time. I don't want to say things to upset you, not purposely. I don't like how angry I became."

She could say the same.

"But I also know that I could only be that angry because I love you and I feel like I can feel anything with you."

"You can."

"We have to work on how we handle arguments."

She nodded. "The way that went down wasn't right. It will happen again, the fighting, but we'll work through it in better ways. Communication's… Something we both need some practice with."

"We'll get there."

"We will," she agreed. "I didn't mean what I said."

"I know."

"No. I need you to hear me. I know your job is important. If I didn't think Nate needed me to be more available to him and here for stability, I would still be doing that job. Sometimes, it's going to force you to cancel plans, and sometimes, I'm going to feel let down because of that. You don't need to feel guilty when that happens, and I won't use it against you, but I need you to understand where I'm coming from, too, and when it comes to late nights at the office for paper work, consider me and the boys in the choice to stay there. We don't care if you bring that home. We just want you here."

"Home, huh? Like all of our home?"

"Don't jump ahead," she said.

"I promise to always consider the three of you. I don't want to miss plans any more than you want me to miss them."

"Your job is important," she repeated, "But your job can't keep you warm at night. We need you here when you can be here. I will try to be more understanding. I know that the job did to you and Haley, and I don't want that for us. I know the toll of the job. I know what it does to families and relationships. We won't let that happen to us."

"We won't. _I_ won't."

They made a pact to each other to work harder, to communicate their little grievances so they didn't pile up and all come out at the same time, making a small matter a big issue. It worked for them, but it took a few times to work through the kinks. Eventually, they got the hang of it.

The making up was always their favorite part, but they never enjoyed being upset with each other.

The entire year was nothing but a learning curve for them. Sometimes, things were easy. The four of them already gelled like a family and were used to doing so many things together. However, Nate was now older and less naïve, which made him understand that his mom dating Hotch made her have less time for him. While that wasn't actually the case, it did mean that he had to share her more than he was used to.

Nate had to watch Emily parent Jack, in the same way she always did when he was in her care, and think that it meant he was losing her because he had to share her in a more official way now. A child's mind was an interesting thing. She didn't think she was doing anything differently, but Jack and Hotch were over more. They all spent more time together like they had before the rift where Emily was too afraid to move their relationship in a different direction.

But Nate and Jack seemed happy about them being together, so she didn't understand his push back. He wanted to spend more time with James, which she allowed within reason, and friends, which she also allowed. It felt like he was pushing himself away, shielding himself, and she didn't like it.

She didn't like the separation when she was only just bringing their families together. So, she decided to do a Mom and Nate day, just the two of them doing something he liked. That usually meant baseball, but she managed to convince him to do something a little less physical. That meant doing something with his second favorite activity, music.

They did a guitar lesson together and Emily brought Nate to a kid's concert which he was quick to tell her that he was too old for but enjoyed anyway. Afterward, Emily took him to a bakery to pick up a bunch of treats to take home and eat later. But first, they sat down to really talk.

"So, Nate, let's have a conversation."

"About what?" he asked coyly.

"About what's going on with us and with Hotch and Jack. I thought you would be happy that Jack's over more and that Hotch and I are dating. Wasn't that what you wanted?"

"I just wanted you to be happy," Nate told her.

"I am happy, but I'm more worried about your happiness. You don't seem all that happy."

"I am," he said, "I just…"

"What?"

"I miss it being just us sometimes. It was… Like when we moved on our own just you and me, I was scared and sad that Jack and Hotch wouldn't be there. I missed them."

"I know you did."

"But then I got used to it just being us and I got to go see Dad more and we still saw Jack and Hotch all the time. It was good. And I still missed having Jack living with us and Hotch, too, but I liked it being us."

Emily let him continue to work out his thoughts, but they boiled down to just a few main points. He was affected by Val's departure. Getting attached just to have Val disappear made him a little gun shy, and he was worrying that Hotch and Jack would do the same. It didn't help that he heard some of their bickering and felt some of the tension when they were going through a rough patch. He worried about it all. Not only did he have to share his mom with Jack and Hotch, but then they could break up and they'd be starting all over again. It wouldn't be fair.

"Nate. Hotch and I talked a lot about that. We didn't want to get into a relationship and share that with you boys unless we thought it could work. I can't promise we're going to get married and live happily ever after, but we made a promise to each other and now I'm making it to you, ok?"

"What promise?"

"I promise, both Hotch and I promise, that even if we break up, we will remain friends. We will always be in your life and Jack's life. No matter what."

"But… I don't really want you to break up."

"No? Seems a little like you have wanted that. I've been a little sad," she said. "You haven't wanted to spend a lot of time with me… with us."

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I… am happy with them, but I'm just… I don't want them to leave us. I… I like being a family with them. I wish it was all the time. But I don't want him to go away like Val. I don't want you guys to breakup or Jack to hate me, and he already likes spending more time with his friends than me."

"Nate…

_Aww,_ Emily swooned. He was adorable. As old as he seemed sometimes, he was just an 11-year-old boy who wanted unconditional love and nothing to ever change. Most of his life has been one move after another, then one change after another.

"Remember how I told you that I moved around a lot when I was a kid?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was always the new kid. I never really made friends because I was always moving. Whenever I started getting close to people, my mom would get a new post and we would move countries. I never really felt at home."

"That's sad."

She nodded. "For a long time, I think you felt that way too."

He just shrugged.

"Now, your dad and I are just trying to make sure that you have someplace to call home."

"Like the apartment."

"No. It's not about a specific place like a house, but a home. Home is where you feel happy, where you feel connected to the people and know that you belong there no matter what."

"Where's your home then?"

"My home is wherever you are. I spent a long time searching for home. I lived in a lot of different places, and I've never felt very settled until I moved back to DC and was with the team."

"But you were living in London," he said.

"Yes. Well, something happened –"

"What?" he asked before she could finish the thought.

"Maybe I'll tell you about it when you're older. For now, all you need to know is that something happened and I felt out of place here with my friends for the first time since I started at the BAU and found people to call family. I felt like I needed a change, to reestablish what home was. Clyde offered me a job in London, and I took it."

"Did you feel at home again?"

"In some ways. It was nice being with Clyde and running my team there, but it wasn't the same kind of home that I had here. Honestly, Nate, I didn't think I'd ever find home again until you came into my life again. You made me find my roots and want to be somewhere permanently. You helped me find my home because you are my home. We're always going to have a different kind of family and we're never going to have the time we missed back, but we have each other, and we have home. Or, I do. What do you think? Have you found home?"

"I think so."

"Well, what do you think of as home?"

"I always thought home was where you lived, but I guess home used to be wherever my dads were. Now, one of my dads is gone, but he's still kind of here with me and my other dad, and I have you now too. So, home is here. I like being here in Virginia because it was the first time I got to go to a real school and we got to stay in the same place for a long time now. Home is with you and Dad and Hotch and Jack and everyone else, too."

She was so happy to hear that.

"Good," she said. "I'm happy you feel at home with me and here in general. Your father and I want you to feel that. Here's the thing though. Your home is full of a lot of people who love you and want to be there for you. I want you to know that wherever you are, home is always waiting. That home will always include everyone you have in it now. Hotch loves you. He wants you to feel at home with him."

"I do."

"He also wants you to know that he and Jack aren't going anywhere."

She made a mental note to have Hotch reinforce this talk. What she said to Nate were Hotch's feelings too, but it wouldn't hurt for Nate to hear it from him.

"Even if we broke up, even if we left here, for whatever reason, and right now that's not happening," she assured him, "All of the people you love will be family and that means you will always have a home here and with them."

"I like that."

"Me too. Meeting these people, Hotch, Pen, JJ, Spencer, Derek, and Dave… They changed my life. They gave me the first family I ever had, and I really want you to feel that same love."

"I do," he said. "Because I have you… And you gave me them."

Emily damn near cried at that.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. No matter how old you are or where you are, you'll always have home with me."

"I know."

"So, how are you feeling about the situation? Are you still worried about Hotch and Jack?"

"Not really."

"Oh Nate… I'm new to this whole mom thing still. There are going to be times when I get it wrong, and I think I did with Val. I pushed off allowing him to meet you because I was worried that you'd get attached and then we'd break up, which we did. I know you were hurt by that. I know it seems scary to get attached to people that might leave us, but that's not going to happen with Hotch. He's in our lives forever, no matter what. You can't live your life afraid of getting attached to people. I promise, life is so much better when you let people in."

"I'm not afraid," he insisted.

"Great," she said. "You know, Hotch said he'd like to have a Nate day."

"Is that kind of like a Mom and Nate day… A… A dad and Nate day?"

Biting her lip for a quick second, she answered, "Yes… Something like that. Up for that?"

"Yes. Maybe he can take me to the BAU? Can he do that?"

"I think we can arrange something. Why do you want to go there?"

"Because that's part of your home," he explained, "And I love everyone there."

"That's a great answer. We'll figure something out. In the meantime, I'm ready to head back home. What about you?"

"Me too."

When they got home, Hotch was there waiting. Nate greeted him with a big hug.

"He seems in better spirits."

"We had a good talk," Emily said. "I think he'll be ok, but there's something I'd like to talk about later. Stay over tonight?"

"A sleep over? Are you sure?"

"It's not the first time."

"No… But we've only slept over each other's places when we didn't have the kids. Usually, it was you over at my place while Nate was with James or vise versa. Or when I snuck in at night after returning from a case and, by then, the boys were already asleep."

"Please?"

"You don't have to convince me," Hotch said. "I just wanted to make sure it's really what you want."

"It's what I want. I think it'll be good for us… and for the kids."

"Then yes. Jack and I would love to stay the night."

She kissed him. It wasn't a big deal, not really. Like he said, they had spent the night at each other's place with the kids too, but it felt different, like it was the step to something more. And it was.

That night, after all the pastries were eaten and the boys were staying up past bedtime playing video games in Nate's room, Emily and Hotch settled in for a quiet evening cuddling in bed.

"They didn't seem to care much that we were having a sleep over."

"They didn't," Hotch agreed, "But we did start with you and Nate living with us, so it prepared them for this."

"Yeah…"

"Going to tell me what's on your mind? You said you wanted to talk."

"You still see us going somewhere, right?"

"What? Yes, of course. Why? Do you not?"

"I do," she quickly clarified. "I just… We haven't wanted to rush things… Or maybe I haven't, but…"

"But?"

"You made a joke about moving in together… the four of us. Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean a joke?"

"Is it something you'd want?"

"Of course," he said. "I'd love that. But I'm not trying to rush it. When we're ready… you didn't seem ready a few days ago."

"I think I've been ready since the moment we agreed to do this, but I was still hesitant because of Nate and Jack."

"And that changed?"

"Yes."

"Ok… What changed though? I feel like I'm out of the loop."

"Kids have a way of making us face our own issues," she laughed. "Nate and I had a good talk today."

"He told you why he was so…"

"Standoffish?" she finished. "Yes. It was exactly what I thought. I screwed things up with him when I introduced him to Val. I… I loved Val, in a different way than I love you. But I was always holding back with him. My feelings for you clouded that relationship. Having him meet Nate felt like what I needed to do to make the relationship more real… more tangible, but I shouldn't have when I was having reservations."

"You're acting as if you scarred him for life. He was hurt by Val, and if Val ever shows up again, I'll punch him in the face for it, but you didn't make that happen."

"I was at fault… to an extent. But that's not really the point here. The point is that I'm not afraid with you. My home is with you and _our_ boys. I've been hesitant because I didn't want a repeat of the Val situation where if we break up, Jack or Nate get hurt, but I think that my actions had the reverse effect. My hesitancy has made Nate weary. I don't want that."

"Me either, but that's not really a reason to move in." It was, he knew, but it wasn't the only reason he wanted her to have.

"Just let me finish. Alright?"

He nodded his consent.

"I love you," she began, "And if it weren't for Jack and Nate, I think I would have taken chances with you much earlier. I would have jumped all in from the start. I've been taking things slower on some fronts because I already messed up with Nate and I don't want to hurt either of our boys, but I realize, I'm just going to the other extreme. I know what I want. I want this," she motioned between them, "us to work. I want us to have everything, and I want our family to have something permanent. Nate and Jack deserve that. We deserve that."

"Why Emily Prentiss, are you telling me you want it all with me?"

She pouted and pushed him. "I think I made that obvious. Don't be a jerk."

"I'm not. I'm just happy to hear this."

"Growing up, I never felt that I had a home. But when I came to the BAU, after a while," she added pointedly, "I found one with you guys. Home wasn't a place or a thing, but the people. Still, an apartment feels so… fleeting. I want our boys to have a real home to go along with that feeling of home… Anyways, my point is, would you and Jack consider moving in with us? We can talk to the boys and make sure they're ok with it, but… I'm ready if you are."

"I've been waiting on you," he said, pulling her to his side. "Let's do it. Let's move in together."

"Yeah?" she asked with a big smile.

"Yes. Absolutely."

They spent the rest of the night picturing their new home. The apartments served them well, but they wanted something new and theirs. A fresh start for the family to begin together.

"Cul de sac?" Hotch asked.

"No. Something different."

He took note of that, adjusting their list of likes and dislikes for their future house hunt. They would add Jack and Nate's ideas into it later, but first, they wanted to plan on their own.

"For the record," Hotch said as they planned. "I didn't really find home until the BAU either. I had my mother, but she had problems that drove a wedge between us, and the distance of boarding school didn't help. I had her and, I guess, when he was younger, I had my brother. But the family I chose, that's where my heart is. My mother's gone, my brother is doing his own thing, Haley is gone, but I still have family and now, we're making our own, separate but connected family. I'm excited for that."

She leaned back into his chest. "Me too. Think the boys will be happy about this?"

"I think so. Jack's getting older. He's in high school. Soon he'll be in college. I'd like him to see how a happy family can be before he gets even more involved with life outside of us. I want him to experience us, together as a couple and family before he goes out into the world and becomes like Morgan."

"He wouldn't… But he's at that age, nothing but friends and parties and…"

"None of the things you did as a teen, I hope," Hotch teased.

"They're both better kids than I ever was."

"Don't say that."

She laughed. "It's true. I'm completely ok with that. We got better kids than we deserved."

"Speak for yourself," he huffed. "I was an angel."

"Sure. Sure… Actually, I believe that."

"You should."

"Such a stickler for the rules. Even today."

"Hey."

"It's ok. I like it. You make the rules. I break them. It works out."

"I can be a rule breaker," Hotch insisted.

"Yeah? Prove it."

"Oh I will," he said, hand trailing down her side.

They did, indeed, break one of their rules that night. Neither of them was upset about it. And they would continue to break that rule over and over again. Living in sin would be fun.


	62. Forever Home

**Chapter 62: Forever Home**

Nate and Jack were excited to move in together again. More so, they were excited to pick out a house with their parents and to have some say in it. They wanted to find something that they all were comfortable in. The boys wanted to decorate their own rooms. They were adamant about that part. That is, they really wanted their own rooms.

Emily and Hotch agreed with that. The boys were close enough in age that they could have shared a room and been ok, but Jack was at the point where he'd want friends over and privacy, a place to call his own and explore his own things. Nate, while he had a little more maturing to do, wasn't far behind.

"Soon, he won't be a kid anymore… And for me, that's way too fast and he's not allowed to grow up," Emily once told Hotch.

The only thing he could do was tell her that they would get through the tough years together. It was a mixed bag of feelings. They were both looking forward to it and not. No one wanted to endure difficult years, but they would have each other to lean on, and that was something to always count on and appreciate.

Now, they were house hunting. It was both tedious and enjoyable at times. Emily and Hotch allowed the boys to have input only after they narrowed down the search. There were three houses in the school district that fit their needs and were in their price range. So, the family went to see all three.

The first one, everyone liked, but they weren't sold on it. It was about 10 minutes away from where they were living now. It had three bedrooms, their minimum requirement, but only one bathroom. All of them quickly learned that one bathroom for four people just wasn't enough. It was doable, and they could always do some remodeling, but it would really depend on what else they saw.

House two felt more them. It felt like home. There was no pool, but the community center which had a pool was only two blocks away, and there were plenty of other activities that took place there for Jack and Nate to take part in. Both the middle and high school were only another few blocks in either direction, and James still wasn't that far away. Location wise, it was just what they needed.

It didn't look like much when they pulled up to the house. It looked much too small for them, but looks were deceiving. The cream colored siding was homey. The porch was inviting. The yard gave the kids enough room to run around, and allowed the adults plenty of space to entertain if they wished. Birthday parties could definitely be held outside comfortably.

What really sold the place, though, was inside. It was so much bigger inside. The open floor plan was exactly what the house called for. It was mostly colored in neutral paint choices: yellows, cremes, and the like, but it made the place brighter and cozier.

Emily absolutely fell in love with the fireplace. It was open on multiple sides, allowing people in the living room and the dining room to experience the ambience. The gray stone mantle offered an elegant change of color to the room. It was gorgeous.

"What do you all think?" Hotch asked the family.

"All the rooms are so big," Nate said.

"It's nice," Jack added. "Still wish there was a pool, but my friend Tyler lives right down the road and he has one, so we could always hang out over there."

"Alright… That's two positive reactions, I guess." He turned to Emily who was now lost in the room, imagining what it would be like with their own decorations and furniture. "Em?"

"Huh? Sorry."

"Do you like it?"

"I do," she said. "The kitchen is great. I loved the cherry wood cabinets with those granite counters and the breakfast nook is perfect for busy mornings. It's bigger than the last house."

Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a basement that could easily be fitted to be another couple of rooms for whatever they wanted. Guest rooms, offices, a home gym… Anything. It was just… Perfect. And because it was a relatively new build, they wouldn't have to worry about any major problems. Of course, they would have the inspector come before signing off on anything, but they were excited by the prospect. It was even a green home, solar powered and energy efficient.

"Let's see the last house before we make any decisions," Emily said.

Hotch agreed, and the family moved on to the third place.

It was almost an immediate no. It wasn't that the location was bad or that the house was in disrepair. It was just not something any of them liked. The outside could be changed, but the dark exterior would be a hard fix, and then, inside wasn't much better. The master bedroom was decent enough, but the other two rooms were in no way big enough for growing boys. The fenced in yard and the pool were nice amenities, but they didn't make up for what was lacking.

Still, everyone was told to take some time to think about it before they made any final decisions. The boys made their thoughts clear on the ride home, and the parents were sure to take that into consideration, but, that night, the choice was essentially made.

"I think we should make an offer," Emily said.

"On which house?"

"The second. I know it's a little pricier than we initially budgeted, but not anything we can't afford. Everything about it works for us. We should do it."

"I knew you loved that house."

"You loved it too."

"I did. I could imagine us growing old there."

"Sitting by that fireplace reading on the sofa. Having movie night in the family room."

"Having the team over for Sunday dinners."

"Rossi might be upset if we steal his thunder."

"Neither of us can cook as well as him. I don't think we have to worry about that."

"Maybe not… I just, I can picture it all and I want it."

"Me too, Emily. And… I may have put in a bid already."

"You didn't."

"I did. I could see how happy you were there, and the realtor had another couple trying to make a bid. I wanted to make sure we got it."

"When will we know?"

"Brian said he'd call the owners at the end of the day. Presumably he did already. We should hear something tomorrow."

Emily was excited, but they had to talk logistics. If their offer wasn't accepted, how much were they willing to rebid? The offer was already stretching their planned budget, but Emily could spare a little more if needed. They had to hash those things out and come up with a plan. If they didn't get it, and it didn't look like they could with what they were willing to pay for the house, then they would have to keep looking. The third place was out and the first one was ok, but they weren't willing to jump on that one.

It didn't matter, though. Brian called the next morning. Their offer was the best bid.

Hotch called Emily from work to give her the good news.

"Hey. What's up? I'm between classes and don't have a lot of time," Emily answered her phone.

"That's how you say hello now?"

"Hello, Honey. How are you? Would you like to tell me what's going on before my class comes in and everyone is privy to our conversation?"

"Might as well put me on speaker."

"Hotch."

"Emily."

"Seriously?"

"Alright. I got a call from Brian."

Sitting straighter in her seat, scooching forward on edge, she asked, "And?"

"They gave a counter offer. It was still in our range. I countered back, and they were happy with the offer. It's ours."

"It's ours?"

"It's ours," he repeated.

"You can't see it, but I'm smiling right now."

"I'm happy too. We'll talk more when I get home tonight. I just wanted to call as soon as I heard something."

"The boys are going to be excited."

"We all will be, but we have some things to take care of before it's official. Got to get to a meeting. Love you. See you tonight."

"Love you too. Be safe."

"Professor Prentiss was that your husband?" one of Emily's students asked.

"Oh, hi Bailey. Uh… No. No husband."

"Kid?"

"I have one of those."

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy. Nate."

"Cute."

"He is, but that's not really what you wanted to talk to me about. Is there something I can do for you, Bailey?"

"Actually… I was hoping I could talk to you before class starts."

"We're talking right now. Go ahead. What's on your mind?"

"Well, you mentioned that you were part of the FBI before, right?"

"I was."

"And Interpol?"

"Yeah."

"And if I wanted to maybe do that too?"

"Then you should go for it, Bailey. You're a bright girl and you work hard. The academy would be lucky to have someone like you."

"Really?" she asked, face lit up.

"Really. Why don't you email me later? We can set up a time during office hours to discuss this more. We can talk about your future and where you'd like to end up."

"Sounds great. Thank you, Professor Prentiss."

"No problem, Bailey. Remember to email me, alright?"

"I will."

"Good. Go take your seat. Class is going to start soon."

Bailey smiled and took her seat while Emily felt a sense of pride. She inspired someone to do something, or at least take interest… That felt good. The day was turning out to be a great one.

Unfortunately, they all couldn't be fantastic.

They were getting the house, but it wasn't without some setbacks. It took more than two months to close on the house. It brought them past Jack's 15th birthday, which they were hoping to celebrate in their new place, and almost to the end of April before they officially closed on the house.

It was a long, stressful, up and down of a few months, but the end result was what they wanted. The house was theirs and they could move within the week. Since the kids were on their spring break after Easter, they were planning to do the move then, and just continue with the packing in the meantime. They were still living out of two apartments, trying to condense, donate, and trash whatever they could.

Emily was an expert packer. For most of her childhood, that felt like her job, but this was completely different. She was moving herself, her son, and, essentially, another son and live in lover… She would never use that term again either.

Point was, despite moving with Nate and moving James, and moving from London all within the last few years, this move felt more permanent than ever before. She was making the biggest commitment she ever made with another man. The Nate thing with James and Vince was, arguably, a bigger commitment, but it was in a totally different realm.

Where Hotch had been married and divorced, living with Haley for years, Emily always kept herself pretty unentangled. A bit of a commitment-phobe for most of her life, she made sure that, even when she lived with a man, she always had a contingency plan. She would only have her name on the lease, everything that they shared was more hers than theirs. There was always an escape.

But it wasn't like that this time. She didn't want it to be. They bought the house together, both names on the deed, and they would be living there with their children. What more could she ask for?

"Why are you smiling like that?" Hotch asked, catching her with a giant grin as they packed up a few things in his old apartment which doubled as storage for now.

"A girl can't be happy?"

"She can, but I can still ask about it. Is that it? You're happy?"

"Aren't you?"

"I'm very happy."

"Well, I am too. The house thing has been a pain, and packing really sucks, but… I… I want this and it's happening."

"It is."

"So, yes, I'm smiling because I'm happy, because we're finally moving into _our _home where we can be a family together. We all picked it out as a family, and that means a lot to me."

"To me too," he agreed.

"And things at work have been great. I have really made some connections with these kids. Some of them, the ones that really care… You can see it. Encouraging them, it makes all the difference. I'm making a difference."

"You always have, Emily, whether you've realized it or not."

She gave him a cheeky smile before asking, "Did I tell you what happened with Bailey?"

"No. What happened?"

"After we talked and figured out what her interests were in law enforcement, I got her in touch with Garcia. Bailey's actually equally as gifted in computers as she is in criminology. She's a little shy and doesn't know that field work is necessarily for her, but she still thinks she could make a difference. I think so too, so I talked with Garcia and Garcia helped me get Bailey a summer internship in a different department."

"Changing lives, one young adult at a time," Hotch said. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks. You know, I'm proud of myself. I didn't know if I'd be a great teacher. Teaching at the academy was different and I didn't do it that often, but I do have a lot of experience that I've learned is valuable to these kids. Sometimes, it helps them see the realities of what they'd be facing and makes them rethink their plans, and that's ok because it's clearly what they needed, but sometimes, I get to help them learn what they're really capable of, and that's pretty amazing."

"You're pretty amazing," Hotch told her, voice dropping deeper.

"Why, Mr. Hotchner, was that your only move?"

"You know it's not."

"No, it's not. What do you say? We take a break from this and give this place a proper goodbye?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Bed is still in there."

"Then lead the way."

They made good use of their time, though maybe it wasn't the most productive. It sure was fun, though.

"I think I'm getting old," Emily said.

"Really? I definitely couldn't tell."

She playfully smacked him.

"We've been in here an hour," she said, "And now I don't want to get up."

"It's the weekend. We can stay here a while. I definitely wouldn't say no to that."

"Of course you wouldn't, but we have two boys who will be home soon and a whole lot of packing left to finish."

"That is an unfortunate truth."

Emily slipped out of bed and told Hotch she was going to take a shower before they got back to work.

"Can I join you?"

"It's a solo job."

"That's less fun," he said.

Emily tossed a shirt at him, hitting him square in the head as she walked to the bathroom, leaving him to dress and continue packing.

When she returned, Hotch was finishing up the last of the pile they were working on earlier.

"All of this can be donated," he told her.

"Great. We're going to have to make a couple trips. Maybe when you're working, I'll have James help me. We need to catch up about Nate anyway."

"You mean, you want to check in on him and Collin."

"That is exactly what I mean."

"They've been dating as long as we have, practically. We've had dinner with the guy. We've even helped Nate like him."

That much was true. Thankfully, Emily asked James to hold off introducing Collin to Nate until after she had her talk with their son. It worked out better that she got to have that talk first. It was still hard. When Nate heard his dad was dating, he was fine with that. Logically, he understood enough to know that his other father, Vince, was dead and James deserved happiness too, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

There was a tantrum or two before Emily and James took Nate to Vince's grave, something they had been meaning to do anyway, and helped him see that they weren't forgetting Vince.

"_Sometimes it feels like it," James told his son. "Like your dad will come home and we can be a family again. I still wish for that."_

"_Me too," Nate admitted. _

"_It took me a few years, but I've accepted that he's gone now and that he would want us to be happy. We have been, haven't we?"_

"_Yeah," Nate said, looking at his mother. "I'm happy."_

"_For the first few years of your life, all you had were me and your other dad," James said. _

"_Now I have mom too. And Hotch."_

"_You do," Emily confirmed._

"_And it's great having all those people, isn't it?"_

"_I like it."_

"_Well, Collin, he could be another one of those people."_

"_Are you going to marry him like you did dad?"_

"_I don't know, Nate. It doesn't always work out like that, but I do like him. I… I love him, and I didn't think I'd ever feel that after your dad died."_

"_Remember that talk we had about giving people chances?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Well, Collin makes your dad happy. Like Hotch, Collin's not trying to take anyone's place. He just loves your dad and wants to get to know you too."_

"_What if I don't like him that much?"_

"_We'll talk about it if that happens, but none of us would ever do anything that would make you uncomfortable or unhappy… Not knowingly."_

_Nate sighed. _

"_It was hard for me too, Nate," James said. "Letting someone in after your dad was hard, but I don't want to be alone anymore, and I know you don't want that for me either."_

_His dad wasn't wrong, but it was just another person being added to his complicated life. _

"_We're all taking this one step at a time, Nate. Help us figure it out. Give him a chance."_

"_Fine," Nate agreed. _

"_Hotch and I met him," Emily said. "He's a good guy and I think you'll like him a lot. He likes that video game you love so much."_

"_Really?"_

"_Really," James said. "I know he'd like to teach you some tricks to beat that level you're stuck on."_

"_If it would make you feel better, why don't we all do something together? Hotch, me, your dad, Collin, and you. Maybe you'll be more comfortable."_

"_Okay. Can I talk to dad now?" Nate asked, pointing to the stone. "Alone?"_

_The adults looked to each other and nodded. "Okay," they agreed, stepping away. _

"_Thank you," James said to Emily. "For helping and for the offer."_

"_You kind of helped with me. It's only fair."_

"_It's more than that. So, thank you."_

"_I'm happy for you. I'm happy you found someone, and I want Nate to be accepting of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm helping you and him because of that and because Nate's behavior, that tantrum, was not okay, but if I ever find out that Nate is uncomfortable and that's being ignored, then we will have a problem."_

"_Em… Come on. Nate has always come first."_

"_That doesn't mean I can't say it."_

"_I guess I said it in my own way with Hotch…"_

"_You did. By hating him."_

_James rolled his eyes. _

"_Were you serious about the offer?"_

"_Yes. Of course. We'll set something up after I check our schedule."_

"_Okay."_

_They knew there was a long way to go with Nate and any significant others, but he warmed up to Collin eventually. The family get together helped. Watching all his parents and their partners get along helped. Jack explaining things in his Jack way helped too. They got there. Progress was made. That was all they were asking for._

"And?"

"And don't you think you should let up a little?"

She gave him the stink eye. "I'm not trying to break them up, Hotch, or even get involved in their relationship. I just want to see how they're doing and make sure that they're ok switching weekends with us so Nate can be with us for the first night in the new place."

"You really think they're going to change their minds?"

"I don't know. I'm happy that James has found someone. I'm happy that Nate likes him now."

"But?"

"No but."

"But?" he asked again.

"_Despite_ all that, I know James. I know that things with him have been off lately. I don't know if it has to do with Collin or not, but James hasn't called as often or tried to make extra plans with Nate in the past few weeks. When we talk, it's a little… weird. We might not be at the same level of friendship we once were, but I still know him enough to see that."

"Maybe he isn't doing that because the talk with Nate actually helped and Nate isn't trying to spend more time over there. Nate has wanted to do more with us, especially after the BAU tour."

She smiled, remembering how much fun the team made it for Nate.

"Maybe. I hope that's it, but I want to be sure. I still care about James, and I can't help but worry. James and I are the opposite in relationships. He jumps in and gives his all right away without hesitation. That tends to drown him sometimes. I think they're fine, but if something is wrong, I want to… I guess try to be a friend to him. I'm working on letting go of the resentment and baggage we have between us. I've been better about it since we've done those therapy sessions."

"You have been better. The last year, the two of you haven't fought. There has been less animosity."

"Is it my turn to say but?"

"But you've said it yourself, the two of you will never be what you once were."

"I don't want to be," she confirmed. "I just want to be in a good place with him. Usually, I keep my nose out of his business unless it's Nate related."

"So this is Nate related?"

"Maybe. We'll see. Right now, it's just about keeping the peace and checking in with the 'ex,' I guess."

The ex is what they had coined James. He was, in some respects an ex of Emily's. They had a child together, in a less conventional way, and relied on each other, even loved each other for so long before things went south. Now they were tied together forever. They would never be best friends, but they would be cordial, and they would be friends because that was what Nate deserved.

"I won't meddle. I have no desire to," Emily continued. "But I want to make sure things are ok. If he says they are, I'll believe him and won't push it any further."

"But your gut is telling you that there's something going on."

"Yes. I don't know what it is, and if they're having some issues, I'll let James talk to me if he wants, but if not, I'll drop it. That's for them to figure out. But if it's something else… If it's something that could affect Nate, then I need to know about it and do what I can."

"I agree. Go."

"Now?"

"Yeah. James should be home now, and I can already tell this is something you have to do in person, so go."

"You're the best."

"So you tell me from time to time."

"Well it's true." She kissed him before running to grab her coat. "I'll be back in time for dinner. You're cooking tonight."

"Obviously," he teased. "Call or text if you're running late."

"I will."

Emily left the apartment and got to her car. She noticed a low tire pressure sign but didn't pay it much mind. She figured she'd have Hotch get that little gadget out and check on that later. It wasn't flat, so she would be ok for the ride, she determined.

Only it didn't work out that way. Emily made it all the way to James' street before her tire gave out. It may not have been flat when she started the ride, but it certainly was when she ended it.

"Awesome," she grumbled, stepping out of the car and examining the damage.

The tire was definitely done for. Whatever it was, it wasn't just from a change in air pressure.

Whatever, she thought. She was still there for a reason and she could call a car to drive her home and send someone to fix it in the morning. Rolling her eyes, Emily left the car behind safely off the road, and went to James' door, knocking.

"Emily? What are you doing here?" James greeted, looking around her. "Is Nate with you? Did I forget something?"

"No. Nate's at practice and you didn't forget anything."

"Then why are you here?"

"I can't just drop by?"

"You can, but you usually don't."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah." He stepped out of the way. "Come in."

"Collin around?" she asked, making her way into the apartment.

"You just missed him. I'll tell him you said hi."

"Great."

James moved to sit on the couch as Emily did the same. Emily continued to ask about Collin, about how things were going and how he thought Nate was doing with him.

"Things are good," James told her. "They're getting along well now. You know that. You helped it happen."

"Things have been better since then?"

"Yeah. No more issues."

"Good. Good."

"You didn't come here just to ask me about how things are with Collin, Emily. If you wanted to ask about him, you would have done it over the phone."

"Maybe. We haven't been talking much lately."

"Well, you've been pretty busy packing and getting ready to move. And we agreed a long time ago that I shouldn't rely on you as much as I used to."

_True, _she thought.

"Alright. Look. I did come here to just talk to you James. Whatever happened in the past, you know that I am still here for you, right? We have a son, so we're in each other's lives indefinitely, and I'd prefer it to be on good terms rather than hostile."

"Isn't it on good terms?"

"Yes. As such, you can talk to me if you need to."

"About what?"

"About whatever."

"I don't have anything to talk about, Emily. Things between Collin and I are good. We're serious, but we're not rushing things. It's good. He's there for me and he makes real effort with Nate."

"Yeah. I'm glad. You look happy when you talk about him."

"I am."

"Good."

"So… Why are you here?"

"Lately, you've been… off."

Instantly, there was attitude flowing. "Off how?"

"I just noticed that you haven't been asking to take Nate as much or calling at the normal times."

"We've all been busy, Emily, and I know that Nate needed to be there to help out with the move."

"James, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything or jump to any conclusions, I just want to make sure everything's ok."

He was clearly being defensive, his voice betraying the words.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"James… Come on. Don't be like that. I'm just concerned."

"You don't need to be," he insisted.

"Did I do something to upset you?"

"Other than right now?"

She nodded.

"No."

"Then help me understand. When we've talked lately, you've been really short with me, and I've heard you snap at Nate recently."

"It happens sometimes, Emily. You do it too."

"Usually, I have a reason. A bad day. Something, and I address it as soon as I've calmed down. I'm not yelling at you, James."

"Feels like it. Feels like you're treating me like a child."

"I'm not," she sighed, wondering how things spun out. "We may not be best friends, but we've been able to hold conversations. Lately, you've been monosyllabic and… well, defensive. I just want to understand why."

"Maybe I just don't want to talk to you."

"That's not it."

"How do you know? If you treat me like this, then I don't want to talk to you."

"James. Stop. Look at me."

He wouldn't.

"James. Talk to me, please. If I've done something, please let me know. We promised to try communicating. We've been doing that. Let's not stop now."

It took some coaxing, but he finally said something.

"I'm jealous," he admitted.

That certainly surprised her.

"What are you jealous of?"

"I came to accept you and Hotch together. I knew he loves Nate, so I didn't mind letting him be part of Nate's life."

"Now you do?"

"No. I just… You're giving Nate the life Vince and I tried to give him, only instead of two dads, it's his birth mom and stepdad. You're giving Nate everything we tried but couldn't accomplish."

"James…"

He went on, expressing what she was sure he kept pent up for a while. She knew moving in with Hotch could set this off. Well, she didn't think it would happen, but knew it was a possibility. He seemed fine when she discussed it with him first. Underneath, though, she knew he would always have some raw feelings where Emily and Hotch were concerned because he helped her when Nate was still new in her life. He took on the father figure role while James was injured and grieving. So there would always be that worry.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be. I get it," Emily responded.

"I'm happy for you, though. Really, I am."

"I know, James."

"I just… I will always wish things were different."

She knew that too. They had versions of that conversation time and again. There would always be that lingering what if and what could have been. Emily wondered about that too. If they didn't need her, where would she be? Would she ever have been a part of Nate's life? Would she be in a relationship with Hotch? So much would be different, and not in a good way… Not for her.

For James, though, it would probably be better. He wouldn't have lost the person he loved, lost time with his son, or had to share Nate… He would be the one living a version of the life she was now. She was grateful for how things turned out, but she was also aware of the downsides for others.

"I understand, James. I do. But we have to focus on what is. Nate has you and me. We're making the most of the situation at hand. We've gotten to a point where we share custody in true 50/50 fashion and can still be lenient and flexible with each other. Is it the dream? No, but it's our reality and, maybe that's better."

"Maybe," he muttered.

In the end, Emily could tell he was being truthful. He meant what he said about being jealous and all that he was feeling, but there was more he wasn't saying. She wasn't going to push. The conversation was actually a good one, and that was a promising start. Still, she had to wonder what else was hiding under the surface. Yes, his feelings could have explained the way he was acting. Jealousy made people act out sometimes.

"Crap," Emily said, catching the time.

"What?"

"I was supposed to be home ten minutes ago. I'm holding up dinner."

"So go."

She sighed, shoulders sagging.

"Do you think you can give me a ride?"

"You didn't drive here?"

"I did, but I got a flat. I managed to park in your visitor spot and was just going to call someone to take care of it in the morning. I'd call a cab, but I'm already running late. Would you mind?"

He seemed hesitant, slow to answer. Nervous even, and Emily wasn't sure why.

"You can say no, James. I won't be offended. I'll just call a car to come get me. No problem."

"No… Ugh… No, it's fine. I can do it. Give me a second."

"Really? Thanks."

While she waited for him to get his keys, Emily sent Hotch a text saying she'd be home soon and sorry that she was holding up dinner. Right after that was sent, James came back. She slipped the phone into her pocket and followed him out to the car.

They briefly stopped to assess the damage to her tire. The tire was definitely not drivable, but it was an easy fix.

Getting into his car, James offered, "I can have Collin fix it for you. He's pretty good with cars."

"Really? Thanks. If he doesn't feel like it, don't force him, but if he's up for it, I'd appreciate it. There's a spare in the trunk, I just don't have the tools in my car because we needed room for boxes."

"I'll ask him about it tonight," James said.

"If not, I'll come back in the morning and do it with Hotch or call the service to handle it. I just didn't want to wait around for them to come tonight."

"I'm sure it'll be no problem."

They kept up small talk, catching up on Nate things and talking about the move.

"You missed the turn," Emily pointed out.

"What? I did. Sorry. Sorry," James said.

"Why are you heading toward the highway?"

"I'm not," he insisted, voice raising. "I just… I just missed the turn."

Emily listened to the way he said that, like he was trying to convince himself. And then she took a moment to look him over, and dread gripped her heart.

"James, your hands are shaking."

"It's fine."

"James."

"Emily."

She had seen that before. It wasn't a nervous shaking, but a tremor.

"Pull over."

"Emily," he tried. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"That's not fine. You're confused right now, aren't you?"

No answer, and she took that as a yes.

"You're not ok. Confusion, tremors… That's what happened when you used to have seizures. Pull over now."

He didn't.

"Pull over, James."

Only then did it become clear that he couldn't. He physically couldn't pull over the car. The twitching in his hands became worse, his foot pushed down on the gas, and his body shook with seizure.

"James?"

Emily had to act fast. The car was speeding up. They were approaching busier roads as they got closer to the highway, and as she tried to hold his head to keep him from choking as he convulsed, she tried to manage the situation by grabbing the wheel with one hand.

No way could she reach the brake pedal, but she had to try something. Steering blindly while trying to help James was not working. So, she acted in the moment, pulling the emergency break and swerving the car, putting them on a collision course with a tree, glass shattering around them upon impact.


	63. Impact

**Chapter 63: Impact**

"Emily, where are you?" Hotch answered the phone, seeing her picture pop up on the screen. "You were supposed to be back an hour ago."

"Aaron," she said.

"I know that tone. What's wrong?"

"I need you to not panic."

He rubbed his temple.

"That inherently makes someone panic."

"I know, but… just listen."

"Where are you? Are you ok?"

"I'm… I'm fine, but I am at the hospital."

"What?" His voice squeaked. "What happened?"

"James is hurt… He had a seizure. Look, I want to explain everything, but I really don't want to do it over the phone. Can you come here? I need a ride anyway."

"What about your car?"

"Can you come?" she asked, ignoring his question. "I'll explain."

"Yes. I'm on my way."

"Don't tell the kids anything," she quickly added.

"How can I tell them something I don't know?"

"Tell them I'm having car trouble, but… But get here soon."

"Where are you?"

Emily listed the hospital and told him where to find her, neglecting the part where she was also a patient. He would be there soon enough and see that for himself.

Hotch, for his part, remained calm. After telling her he was on his way and that he'd take care of everything on his end, he hung up and did just that.

"Everything ok, Dad?" Jack asked, seeing his father scatter around.

"Emily's having some car trouble. I need to go help her out. I need you and Nate to hang out here. You're in charge."

"Ok."

"No opening the door for anyone, no friends over…"

"Dad, I know the drill. Everything's fine. Nate and I will be fine. Go help Emily."

"You're a good kid, Jack. If we'll be late, I'll call and have someone come over."

"Dad, seriously, I'm 15. I can hang out with Nate for a night without parental supervision. It's not the first time. Go do what you need to and don't worry about us."

Hotch nodded, putting a hand on his son's shoulder. "I'll call you when I know what's going on."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Is she ok?"

He should have known his worry would be easy enough for his perceptive son to pick up on.

"I think so. You'll know more when I do. Don't worry Nate, alright?"

"I don't know anything for him to worry about."

"I'll call as soon as I know what's going on."

"Alright. Go."

He grabbed his keys, stopping only to give Nate the same basic spiel, and took off. He needed to find out more about what was happening. She sounded… Well, she sounded worried and not like herself on the phone, and her reluctance to give him much detail didn't make it any better.

When he arrived at the hospital, he went straight to the emergency room. Emily told him to call when he got there because she didn't know if she'd still be in the same place.

"Room 104," she told him. "In the emergency room."

"I'm right down the hall. See you in a second."

Though, he didn't feel prepared to see what was waiting for him in the room.

"Emily?"

She looked up from the floor, sitting on the hospital bed.

"What the hell happened?" Hotch asked, rushing to her side and inspecting her face. "You didn't mention that _you_ were hurt. How?"

There was a bruise already forming by her hairline, dried blood crusted around her forehead. Her arm was covered in a bandage.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she told him. "I told the doctors to just stitch me up and send me on my way, but they weren't having it."

She offered him a wry smile to show him that she really was ok, but he still wanted more assurance. First, though, he wanted to know exactly what happened.

"Care to explain?"

"There was an accident?"

"What kind of accident?"

"The kind where a car hits a tree and the tree wins…"

"You crashed your car into a tree?"

"No."

"Then I think I'll need a little more information."

"I got a flat," she started, telling him everything from the flat tire to the moment James started seizing. "It was either risk crashing into another car trying to get control or steer us off the road. That was the better option."

"Doesn't look like the better option to me."

"You should see the tree."

"This isn't funny, Emily."

"I'm not laughing," she said. "But I am alright."

"What did the doctors say?"

"That I'm fine."

"Em…"

"When I crashed the car, I was in a weird position because I was trying to help James and steer from the passenger's seat. When we made impact, I was awkwardly thrown to the dashboard. Long story short, the doctor wants me to get some scans to see if I have a concussion, though he's not too concerned, and I… My shoulder took the brunt of the impact. It's dislocated and some glass from the windshield cut it up. When they check my head, which is fine, they're going to see if there are any tendon or tissue damage in the shoulder. If there is, I may need surgery."

"Surgery?"

"It's just a warning, really. They don't think I'll need it, but they want to say for certain there's no damage before dismissing that. Besides, you missed the real show when they popped that sucker back in. It was… Not fun."

"Wouldn't imagine it would be. How are you feeling?"

"A little sore… More worried and… and angry."

"Worried about James?"

"Yes… I… I think he's been having seizures for a while now, that's why he has been so distant."

"He said that?" Hotch asked, voice raising.

"No… It's just my own conclusion. When I asked him for a ride," her eyes crinkled as she thought back, "he was so hesitant and, I guess, now I can see, almost scared of saying yes. He really didn't want to. I thought it was because he just didn't want to be forced to be in a car with me or didn't want to get out of the apartment. I don't know… I just wanted to get home to you and the boys, so I didn't analyze it. I… wish I did."

"Emily… He drove knowing he was having seizures?"

"I don't know that for sure," she said. "He didn't admit to anything. But I saw the hand tremors and he was having memory problems… He was showing a lot of the little signs that he had before they found the right set of medications for him. It didn't feel like a one off."

"Where is he? I'll kill him."

"Hotch," Emily admonished.

"No, Emily. Don't defend him. He has been having seizures and, instead of admitting that, he willingly got behind the wheel. He had a seizure while driving, Emily. You could have died. What if Nate was in the car? What if he was in the car and you weren't there to help? Nate could have been killed."

"I know that," Emily exclaimed. "But we don't know what's really going on. We don't know that he knew what was happening and chose to ignore it."

Though, she felt that to be true…

"It doesn't matter. He could have gotten you killed."

"I'm fine," she promised.

"And what is this going to do to Nate? You saw how he reacted when your car was dinged… You weren't even in the car. How is he going to act now?"

"I don't know…"

"What about Jack? He has already lost a mother. Think about what losing you would do to him."

"If you weren't practically yelling at me, I'd find it very sweet that you think of me as a mother to Jack."

He sighed and sat beside her on the bed. "I'm sorry. I'm just… worked up. I didn't come here expecting to find you sitting here, hurt and waiting for testing."

"I know. I didn't prepare you for that… I just… I thought it would be better to have you see in person that I was fine, which I am. I get why you're so angry. Hell, I'm furious… All of this could have, potentially, been avoided. I didn't have to end up here, James would have been home and fine… But I don't know for a fact that this wasn't the first time. We don't know that he knew and until that's confirmed, I don't want to react. I don't want to scream and yell and ruin the progress we've made until there are no doubts."

He knew she was right, but he couldn't help what he was feeling. James put her in danger, and to think that he did so knowingly was unfathomable.

"Hey," Emily said, reaching out with her left hand to grab his. "I'm ok," she assured him, allowing her hand to break up his fist. "We'll figure out what happened and address it, but right now, let's focus on the positive. I'm alright and James is… Well, I think he's ok. He had no major injuries from the accident. I heard the doctors say that the seatbelt caused some deep bruising, but he had no obvious signs of major trauma."

"That's good…"

"He was having a major seizure, though, so they hooked him up to the EEG immediately and gave him the emergency meds." She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "Why is this happening? Everything was going so well…"

"Hey, aren't you the woman that just told me everything would be fine? That we'd figure it out as it happened?"

It was her turn to sigh. "I am… But… I don't know. Were things easier when I had a badge and gun?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it feels like I've been in more dangerous and near-death situations since leaving the BAU than when I was actually an agent."

"I doubt that's true."

"It's probably not… But it was different when it was the job. None of the danger felt so close. It wasn't personal. Now, it all feels so much worse. So much realer."

"Amazing what a badge and gun can make you feel."

"I don't know that that's what makes it different. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm just different. I don't feel so invincible anymore. Certainly, I've been through worse than this, but suddenly, my own mortality… The thought of leaving Nate alone… It terrifies me."

"Another wonderful part of parenthood," he joked. "You realize that you're responsible for someone else in ways you never were. It's just hitting you harder now because you've been through so much with Nate and James already."

"I guess… I just… I don't understand why things are going wrong."

"When do we ever understand that?"

"Yeah…"

An orderly knocked on the door, interrupting.

"Ms. Prentiss, we're ready to take you for your scans now."

She nodded and turned to Hotch. "Can you go check on James for me? They wouldn't let me go with him, for obvious reasons, but the last time the nurse came by, she told me he was post ictal and resting. Just… If he's awake, don't flip out on him yet."

"I make no promises."

"Hotch…"

"Alright. I won't. I'll hang out with him and get an update, but the moment you're back, I'm here."

"Deal," she said.

The orderly cleared his throat.

"Sorry. I'm ready."

Hotch helped her from the bed and into the wheelchair. He waited for her to leave the hallway before he went in search of James, something he really didn't want to do.

Hotch found James in one of the private treatment rooms, hooked up to a bunch of wires and electrodes on his head. He was unconscious, sleeping off the seizure. From what Emily knew and told him, the doctors believe that he was having partial seizures all day. That was why he had the hand jerks and tremors. It was possible he was unaware, but Hotch had his doubts.

"You're not Emily," a paramedic said when he came into the room.

"I'm not," he agreed. "I'm her partner… her boyfriend. Aaron Hotchner," he said. "You are?"

"Sorry. I'm Brady. I was the paramedic with Emily and James. I offered to stick around when she refused to get treatment until she knew what was going on with James."

"That's awfully nice of you," Hotch skeptically said.

"I guess. I'm off shift now and need to hang around here for my roommate anyway. No big deal. Anyway, I was just going to find her, but she wasn't in the room."

"She's getting tests done."

"Right. I got an update from the ER doctor."

"Lay it on me."

He was wondering if he should say anything.

"Look, I'm Emily's boyfriend. Her kid is his kid, and in a second, I'm going to have to call home and fill in my son and their son about another accident that Emily was in and deal with the fallout. I'd like to know exactly what I'm dealing with before then. The boys have been through enough, and I need the facts before they get involved."

Brady nodded.

"He is doing alright. He didn't sustain any major injuries. Nothing appears broken, but because he couldn't verbalize any pain or discomfort, they did an ultrasound of the areas where the seatbelt bruised him. There doesn't appear to be any internal bleeding, but they will likely take some precautions and bring him for more thorough testing once the EEG is done. He had a grand mal seizure, but we administered the meds and he stabilized. Right now, they're monitoring the brain activity. All in all, they were pretty lucky."

"Thanks… for telling me. And for agreeing to wait around for Emily's peace of mind."

"She looked pretty worried. I'd want someone to be there for my sister or my girlfriend if that was her. But now that you're here, I'm going to take off. The doctor will probably be in shortly. If you or Emily need anything, ask for Betty at the nurses' station."

"Thank you," Hotch said, offering his hand.

Shaking hands, Brady responded, "Really not a problem. Wish Emily well for me."

"I will. Thanks."

When Brady left after that, Hotch took a seat on the metal stool and stared at James. He was feeling a lot of things, most of them not pleasant, but the man was suffering too. They all made a lot of headway, particularly after he and Emily told James about their relationship. They both made efforts to dispel some of the animosity.

Even if that wasn't the case, if for no other reason than Nate, he didn't wish any ill will toward the other man. The anger, though, was tricky. He wanted him to be ok, and he wanted to yell at him.

Until then, he had to check in with Jack. It was getting late and they probably wouldn't be home for a little while, so he needed to call.

"Dad," Jack answered. "How's everything?"

"Everyone's ok," he replied. "But we are at the hospital."

"I thought there was car trouble."

"There was. Listen Jack, we will explain everything when we get home."

"When will that be?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"Tell me something, at least. Is Emily hurt?"

"Is Nate around you right now?"

"No. He's in the shower. I told him to do that before we watch a movie."

"A movie we'd approve of I hope."

"Probably not, but you're not here to know," Jack teased.

Hotch didn't have it in him to lecture. "Just nothing too scary or too mature, Jack. Keep in mind that he's not yet a teenager and still has a lot of growing up to do."

"I know. You going to tell me what's going on? Is she hurt?"

"In short, there was an accident. Emily is fine," he was quick to add, "just a little banged up. We're at the hospital."

"That doesn't sound fine."

"I promise you, Jack. Emily is alright. She'll be sore and probably need to take it easy for a little while, but I saw her myself. She was in good spirits."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Not yet. She just went to get some tests. The doctors just want to make sure they didn't miss anything."

"She's really ok?"

"She is. Here's the thing, Jack. She is fine, but I don't know when we'll be home. James is also in the hospital."

"Why?"

"I'll explain more later. I don't want you to be the one to tell Nate, so please don't say anything."

"But Dad…"

"No. He's a little reactive, and that's understandable, but I don't want to tell him anything until we know everything there is to know. Emily is fine and James is doing ok, but if he has to stay overnight, which I think is likely, Emily's going to want to stay with him."

"Nate's going to wonder why you're not here."

"I know. Let me worry about that. If he asks anything, tell him that we're taking care of Emily's car. She did have a flat. If he needs to, have him call me. If we're not back before the morning, I'll have someone from the team come by. Can you handle that, or would you like me to see if one of them can come over now?"

"I can handle it."

"I know you're probably feeling worried and unsure about what to do with Nate, but I assure you that Emily's ok. I'm not sure exactly what's happening with James, but once we know, we'll explain. Alright?"

"Okay."

"It's getting late. Tell Nate that it's movie and then bed. Keep the junk food to a minimum, please."

"Got it."

"If it's not too late, I'll have Emily call him."

"I think that would be good."

"I know he'll have questions and you'll want to tell him, but please wait," he repeated.

"I heard you, Dad."

"Good. I love you Jack. I'll call again when I can."

Now it was time to figure things out. The doctor came in to check on James shortly after the call ended. After doing the song and dance and making sure he wasn't just some random person, he told Hotch the same things Brady told him, adding in that the EEG was showing signs of partial seizures again.

"What does that mean?" Hotch asked. "Given his history."

"Likely, that it's time to consider a new course of treatment. The medication we administered will keep him relatively sedated and, hopefully, prevent any bigger seizures from occurring. I'd like to talk to him about what's been going on in his life, any symptoms he might have been experiencing, and what plan has been in place with his current doctors before making any recommendations."

The doctor continued talking, but it was more of the same. Yes, he had deep tissue bruising and potentially bruised ribs from the accident, but no broken bones.

"The accident shouldn't cause too much of an issue, but the police will want to talk to him."

Hotch almost laughed. "I know."

"Has he been having seizures?"

"No clue. Last I heard, he hadn't had any in nearly two years."

The doctor nodded.

"It's possible that he has been having them without realizing. The partial seizures can go without notice when they're small tremors. We're definitely going to keep him overnight. We'll determine the rest once he's had a few more tests and we know more about what's going on."

"But he's ok?"

"He's not 100% but we'll determine if the seizure was a onetime recurrence or if it's a more regular thing and he needs his medications readjusted. I'll put in a call to his regular doctors in the morning and have them come in for a meeting. I'll make my recommendations to them and they'll come up with the best plan for him. For now, he'll be moved to a room and monitored by the neurologists."

"We've been through this before," Hotch said. "So, I need to know… Does there appear to be any brain damage?"

"We won't know until he's conscious enough for an examination and we do some scans. There's no reason to assume there is damage, but we just can't say yet."

"Alright."

"In the meantime, I suggest you get some rest. He'll be out the rest of the night."

"When do you think he'll be moved?"

"As soon as the room is ready. Should be any time now."

"Alright. Thank you."

"He'll be taken for the last of his tests before being put in the room."

One of the nurses would give him the room information and blah, blah, blah. Hotch was no stranger to the talk around. Doctors tended to give a lot of irrelevant facts that just pad the actual diagnosis or medical facts and then a lot of general things that didn't take a genius to figure out. Someone would let him know where to find James and then a doctor would speak to them again eventually. The end.

Whatever, he thought. The doctor was gone, James was out for the night, and he just wanted to get back to Emily. It was another hour before that could happen. James was taken for tests and to be moved while he waited. And he waited… Until finally Emily was brought back.

By that time, things at the home front were a little chaotic. Nate overheard part of the conversation between Jack and Hotch, and while Jack's side alone wasn't particularly revealing, it was enough for Nate to know that something just wasn't right.

"Where's Mom?" Nate asked, catching Jack off guard.

"Nate, I thought you were in the shower."

"I was. Now I'm not. I heard you say something about mom. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Jack told him. "Her car got a flat tire, so they have to get it fixed."

Nate was a little naïve and sometimes a little childish, but he wasn't stupid. He knew something was up as soon as Hotch left. His mom hadn't come home and maybe it was just car trouble, but it felt like more.

"Jack…"

"Nate. Dad said everything is fine. He'll call if something changes. I'm going to change. Pop the popcorn, alright?"

"Fine," Nate huffed, but that wasn't the end of that.

Both boys went to their respective rooms, and within the hour, the fruits of their labor showed up at the front door.

Outside of the apartment, Dave was just about to knock when he heard footsteps approaching.

"Rossi?" the voice asked.

"Reid? What are you doing here?"

"Nate called me. What are you doing here?"

"Jack called me."

Eyes narrowed in a patented Reid curious stare, he asked, "Do you know what's going on?"

"No. Do you?"

"No. Nate just said that he thinks something is wrong with him mom and Hotch and asked if I would come over."

"Jack said he needed a ride and asked me to come pick them up. Said he'd tell me more once I was here."

"I guess we should knock then and see what's going on."

Dave nodded and brought his fist to the door, rapping gently.

Inside, both boys rushed to the door to see who it was, each expecting their own visitor. Meeting in the foyer, they faced each other with narrowed gazes. "What did you do?" they asked.

"Open the door," Nate insisted. "I'm expecting someone."

"So am I," Jack said, pulling the door open.

"Spencer?"

"Dave?" The boys simultaneously asked.

"We ran into each other out in the hall. Seems we were both called over. Someone want to let us in and explain what's going on?"

"Something's wrong with Mom and Jack won't tell me! Hotch didn't answer when I tried to call him," Nate quickly said, words pouring out before Jack could even more the door open all the way to let them in.

"Ok… Let's talk about this inside."

Dave ushered everyone into the living room, sitting the boys down on the couch and taking a seat on the coffee table while Spence stood behind him.

"What makes you think something is wrong with your mom?" Dave asked.

"Jack said."

"No, I didn't."

"You basically did."

"Boys…" Dave interrupted. "No bickering. Nate. You first. Tell us what you think is going on?"

"Mom wasn't home when we got home. Hotch said she would be back before dinner, but she wasn't. She was super late and then Hotch called Jack and had a weird conversation thinking I wasn't around, but I was. I know something is not right."

"Now you, Jack," Reid said.

"Look, Nate. You're right. Something is going on, but Dad asked me to wait to tell you. I didn't want to, and, really, I wanted to know more about what was going on, so I asked Dave to come over and bring us to them."

"Really?" Nate asked.

"Yeah."

"Where are they?" Dave asked.

With a sigh, Jack responded, "They're at the hospital…"

His mumbled words were barely audible, but everyone caught them.

"Why?" Nate asked. "Is it Mom?"

"I really don't know a whole lot," he told Nate before looking to the adults. "I don't. Dad didn't say much. He said Emily was ok and that he would call me when there was more to know. That's why I called. He didn't want me to be the one to tell Nate because he didn't know how Nate would react, but I thought he should know, and we should be there."

"Nate, are you alright?" Spencer asked.

"I want to see my mom," he told them. "Can we go?"

Dave looked to Jack. "Do you know which hospital?"

Jack nodded.

"Alright. We can go, but if your parents say we need to leave, we leave. No questions asked."

The boys agreed.

"You're not going to ask dad first?"

"No Jack, I'm not. He probably has his hands full, and we both know he'll tell us not to come. Both of you, get on some shoes and a coat. There's some wind out there."

They nodded again and headed to their rooms.

"Should I call?" Spencer asked when just the adults were left.

"No. I… We'll play it by ear. If it was serious, I don't think he would have done things quite this way. We can shoot them a text when we're there."

"Ready," Nate said, stumbling into the room as he tried to slip a second shoe on, coat dangling off half of his body.

"Slow down there, Nate," Spencer told him. "Falling down and getting hurt is the last thing you need to do. Take a second. Put your shoes on properly. We need to wait for Jack anyway."

"Jack! Hurry up," Nate called as he corrected his jacket and got his shoes on right.

"I'm coming," Jack replied, walking into the room. "This is probably why Dad didn't want me to tell you anything. You're freaking out."

"I am not."

"You are. It's ok. You're scared. We get it, but you have to keep calm. Otherwise things just get worse."

Nate scowled, but nodded. "I'm calm," he said. "Can we please go?"

"We can go," Dave said leading the way to the car.

Nate did a lot of thinking on the way to the hospital. He was scared. Of course he was. He didn't really know what was happening, and the thought that his mom could be badly hurt was a constant worry. It had been less so, especially over the last year.

Everything seemed to be going so well. He didn't have to worry anymore. So, hearing that she was in the hospital hit him hard.

"Are you okay, Nate?" Spencer asked as they got out of the car.

"I'm fine. I just want to know what's going on."

"We're going to find out right now."

It felt like the walk into the emergency room took forever, and not just for him.

Inside the hospital, Emily had returned from her tests. Hotch caught her up on James before the doctor came in. The scans confirmed that there was no tendon or nerve damage, but the doctor said they would still test function at a follow up appointment.

"I told you I was fine," Emily said to Hotch. "You didn't need to worry."

"I always worry."

"I know. Me too… about you."

"I know that too."

"So, moving should be fun, huh?" Emily joked nodding her head down toward her shoulder. "Nothing like a new accessory though."

"I don't know that slings are in right now."

"A statement piece."

He sighed, taking a spot beside her, hand resting on her knee.

"This could have been a lot worse."

"I know," she agreed. "But for me, it wasn't. This isn't the worst I've been hurt, it's not the first time, and it's probably not the last, but I am ok. Let's focus on that."

"That is the one good thing about this."

"So, the doc said I was free to go. Gave me a prescription and everything. What do you say we go check in on James and then, maybe, head home?"

"Home sounds good," he said, standing and offering her a hand. "After you."

They made it out of the door before Hotch stopped them.

"Change of plans," he said.

"What? What is it?"

"Dave sent me a text. Said they're on their way in."

"In here? Who is they?"

"I imagine him and the boys. He said Jack called him and now they're on their way in."

"I thought we weren't going to tell them yet."

"That was the plan. Jack changed it."

"I really didn't want to worry Nate."

"I know. We'll handle this."

Taking a deep breath, they detoured from James' room and to the waiting area where they assumed they'd catch the boys.

As soon as they stepped out into view, Nate ran over to them, Jack trailing just behind.

"Mom," he said, stopping right in front of her. "You're hurt."

"Just a little bruise."

"Doesn't look like that."

"I swear Nate. I'm fine. The doctor fixed me right up. I wear this for a week and I'm good as new."

It wasn't that simple, but the answer was good enough.

"Why didn't you tell us? I'm not a baby anymore, and I'm not a little kid," Nate insisted. "If you're hurt, I deserve to know. You're my mom. I need to know these things."

Emily smiled and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're night, Nate. Let's all sit down, and I'll tell you everything. Ok?"

He nodded.

Hotch led the way and Emily took the rear. Spencer jumped in front of her.

"Are you really ok?" he quietly asked.

"I'm fine. You'll hear for yourself in a second. Come on. Let's not keep the boys waiting."

Right arm in her sling, Emily took care not to knock it against the arm rest as she took a seat with the guys. Nate was watching her cautiously. She dinged their trust a little by trying to keep this from him, even if it was only supposed to be for a few hours. More than that, he looked worried and upset with her more than the situation… so far.

"What happened to you?" Nate asked the moment her butt hit the seat.

"I'm going to explain everything. Let me finish before you say anything, alright?"

He agreed.

"I went to visit your dad earlier, Nate. I just wanted to talk to him and catch up with him."

"Because I said he was being weird?"

"I just wanted to talk to him, Nate. It wasn't something you made me do," she clarified, wanting to absolve him of any internal guilt he could possibly feel. He was prone to it, and she didn't want that. "When I got to your dad's, I realized my tire was flat. Luckily, I was able to get the car into a spot, but I knew I couldn't drive home," she explained. "I figured I'd handle it later. I went to talk with James, and when I was ready to go home, I was running late for dinner and asked James for a ride home."

She took a deep breath and carefully examined Nate.

"When we were driving…" she wasn't sure what to say.

She could lie and say they lost control of the car and crashed. She could be fully honest and risk Nate feeling overwhelmed and more upset. Or she could find some middle ground… She just didn't know what that was yet.

"When we were driving, I noticed that James wasn't acting right. His hand was shaking and then he stopped responding to me." Her eyes met Nate's. "He was having a seizure."

She watched his reaction. It was like, as she explained, no one else in the room was there. She was telling her son that, not only were his mom and dad hurt again, but they, potentially, had to go through another battle with James and seizures. Last time the doctors said options after medication were limited… She didn't want to play that game though. They would wait to hear what the doctor said.

"Is he… is he dead?" Nate tentatively asked.

"No, Nate. He was driving and fearing that we might hit another car, I swerved our car off the road. We hit a tree. Your dad has some bruises, but, otherwise, he wasn't injured in the crash."

"And the seizures? They're back?"

"I don't have all the answers yet. The doctors are monitoring him now. He was given some medication and will be asleep for the rest of the night. We'll know more in the morning when he can answer some questions."

"What about you? What happened with you?"

"I'm fine too, Jack. I dislocated my shoulder. They popped it right back into place, told me to wear the sling for a week and then I can take it off. Just no heavy lifting."

"Does that mean we're not moving this weekend?"

"We certainly still are," Emily said before Hotch could say anything. "I won't be doing as much work as I normally would, but this is an important thing for us as a family. We're still moving."

Everybody let the news sink in. Emily was fine. James was too, for now anyway. Everything would be dealt with. For that, they were grateful. Though a long road was promised, they hoped to get through it all with everyone in one piece.

"I'm going to take a second with Nate," Emily said to Hotch. Eyes motioning to their company, she told him, "Convince them I'm ok."

Nate followed Emily to a more private spot for the two of them to talk.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" she asked.

"I'm mad… and sad."

"Okay… Sad because of your dad?"

"Yeah. I don't like that he had a seizure. It was bad last time. I didn't like how he treated us. I don't want that again."

"I don't want that either, Nate. We're going to figure this out as we go. We don't know exactly what's going on with your dad. It might be that this was a onetime thing. It might be that the seizures are back and need to be treated differently. Once we know, we'll handle it. We always do."

"I know."

"Why are you mad?"

Scowl back on his face, he met her eyes and said, "I'm mad at you for lying to me."

"I didn't lie to you," she said.

"You always say that a lie of omission is still a lie. You told Jack to lie to me. You told him not to tell me you and Dad were hurt. You didn't trust me to act like a grown up."

"You're not a grown up. I would never expect you to act like one."

"That's not the point," he said. "You're my mom and maybe you haven't always been my _mom_, but I still deserve to know when there's something wrong because I love you. I get to know these things. I'm not 9 anymore. I'm almost old…"

Emily held back a laugh.

"I will get scared and sad when bad things happen, but I'm not going to cry like a baby and throw a tantrum."

"I know that Nate."

"Then why didn't you tell me the truth right from the start?"

"Well, you're right. I did think you might be upset and react badly. Many kids would, especially when they've been through what you have. Mostly, though, I didn't know what was going on with your dad then. I was getting tests done to make sure my shoulder really was ok, and Hotch was waiting around for news on me and your dad. I wanted one of us to be there to tell you in person."

She leaned closer to him, putting her hand on his arm.

"I love you Nate. As your mother, it's my job to protect you."

"You can't protect me from Dad being sick again or from you being hurt."

"Maybe not, but I can make sure that I'm the one to tell you these things. That I can be there to comfort you when things aren't going well. I don't think you're a baby, Nate. I think you're a very strong young man, but you're still my kid. You will always be my kid, and if I can spare you a little worry and hurt, I will."

"I don't want to be lied to. If dad is… If he's dying or if he's really bad, I want to know."

"I wouldn't keep that from you."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Nate. You're older now. You're smarter, too. I couldn't keep things from you even if I wanted to."

"I don't want you to keep things from me. I will try not to be a big baby."

"Nate, I don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide how you feel. I was worried you'd be scared and concerned."

"I am."

"Yes… You are. But I forgot to take into account how much you've grown over the last few years. We've been through some pretty scary things."

"You could say that again."

"Before, I don't think you knew how to deal with it. That was why you were so upset when someone dinged my car and I wasn't even there."

He was going to interrupt, but Emily just continued.

"I shouldn't have tried to keep this from you, even if temporarily. I'm sorry."

"It's ok," he said. "Just don't do it again."

Smiling, she ruffled his hand through his hair. "I'll try not to. Now, come give me a hug."

"It won't hurt?"

"Just don't grab the arm in the sling. A hug from you could never hurt."

"I love you," he said, gently wrapping his arm around her waist. "I'm glad you're ok."

"Me too Nate. We'll figure out what's going on with your dad. Try not to worry until we know."

"I'll try."

"Good. Feeling ok with things?" she asked, checking in again.

Nodding against her body, he asked, "Can I see Dad?"

"I can take you to see him now, but he's sleeping. It's up to you, but I think it would be better to wait until the morning. I called Collin. He's going to be here soon and spend the night here with your dad."

"So he won't be alone?"

"No."

"Okay… I… I want to see him, but if you say he's ok and we'll come in the morning, then I can wait," he said, sounding very logical and mature.

In all honestly, Emily believed that yes, he was making the logical choice, but it was also that he really didn't want to be around if there was any possibility he could see his father having a seizure. Witnessing them as often as he had in the past terrified him. If he could avoid it for now without missing out on time with his dad, he would. Since he was only going to sleep for the night and it was already late, he figured he could wait a few more hours.

"Are we going home?"

"I think so."

They waited for Collin to show up, not even Dave or Spencer leaving. Once he was there, Emily filled him in, asking him to please call her if anything changed.

"I will. I promise," Collin said. "I'm glad you're ok."

Emily pursed her lips but nodded her gratitude. She had things she wanted to ask Collin, things she wanted to ask James too, but, for the rest of the night, she would let it go. She needed some family time, even if that just meant all going to bed in the same apartment, knowing that everyone was safe and sound in their \ rooms.

"Thanks for coming," Hotch told Spencer and Dave.

"Thanks for taking care of our boys," Emily added.

"No problem. Let us know if there's anything else we can do."

"We will," they agreed.

"Right now, I think we should all go home. It's late, and I don't know about all of you, but I'm beat," Emily said.

"Me too," Nate said, leaning into Hotch's side as he stood beside him.

"Then let's get home."

They were more than ready for the day to be over. They were lucky. Things could have been a lot worse. The damage was minimal, physically. Mentally, well, time had yet to tell.


	64. Moving Day

**We're nearing the end folks. Only a handful of chapters left, but plenty of story in them. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 64: Moving Day **

When the family woke up Saturday morning, they were greeted with several bodies moving about their living room, and it wasn't as creepy as it could have been.

It had been a long few days, but it was finally moving day, and they were excited for that. Knowing the turmoil and drama surrounding the family, Dave rallied the troops to help with the move.

After the crash, things were a little hectic.

When they came home from the hospital, Nate was trying not to be too clingy, but Emily could see he needed a good hug and comforting mother-son day. She considered that, maybe, with the crash probably bringing up memories and the potential epilepsy relapse for James, she should get him back to his therapist. It had been a good year since the last time Nate saw the doctor, but Emily was aware that Nate previously showed some separation anxiety after events like this. She didn't want to leave it unaddressed, but didn't want to force the issues out if there weren't any there.

He was almost 12. As much as she wanted him to want nothing more than to be glued to her side, she knew that wasn't the healthy thing for him or anyone approaching their teen years.

"Do you think, especially with the possibility of James having seizures again and acting like he did before, that Nate should start seeing Dr. Garland again?" Emily asked that night.

Nate had been a little on edge, but calm given the situation. It took him a little longer to get to sleep. When the boys finally did, Hotch helped Emily ready for bed herself. Washing up in the shower was hard, but she was determined to do it. She needed a hand, though.

Now, as they lay in bed, Emily couldn't seem to fall asleep.

Emily continued, "I want him to be prepared for what could come. I want him to live a normal, happy life. Maybe seeing the therapist more regularly could help."

"Maybe. I think we should see how this goes, give him a few days, and see what he does. If he starts getting so clingy you can't breathe or that he's acting inappropriately, we'll address it. We don't need to jump the gun yet."

"Yeah. You're right. I'm just…"

"Being a mom. It's ok to worry. I worry about him too, but he'll be fine. We'll make sure of that."

"I want James to be ok, too."

"I know. I hope he is. We've had our differences, but I know he's a good dad to Nate and, mostly, I don't want Nate to lose anyone else."

Nodding, Emily said, "We should get some sleep. I'm going to wake up sore and I know Nate will want to go to the hospital first thing."

She wanted to go too. Needed to.

"Do you need anything? Did you take the pill the doctor gave you?"

"What they gave me at the hospital still hasn't worn off. I'll be fine for the night. Just… hold me."

"That I can do," he said, pulling the covers up around them and moving closer. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Sleep wasn't exactly easy, but it came, and it was needed.

Nate and Jack were both dressed and ready for the day by the time their parents were up. Emily knew that meant they were worried, and they would all be starting their day early.

"You don't look so great," Jack told Emily, honestly. "I'm sorry. You're still beautiful," he compensated. "But you're all bruised."

"Are you ok?" Nate asked.

"I'm sore, but I'll be fine. The doctor said to expect this. Looks worse than it is, and it looks like you boys are ready to go out."

"We made breakfast, too."

"For before we go see Dad," Nate added.

"Alright. Give it an hour. Collin left me a message with an update and said that they were taking him for some more tests this morning. He'll be back in his room around 9. We'll get there for then."

"Ok."

"Try not to worry too much, Nate," Emily told him. "We'll learn what's going on and take it one step at a time."

"I'm not worried," he lied. "We should eat before everything gets colder."

"Sir, yes, sir," Emily teased, moving to the kitchen table.

"I'll get us some coffee. I think we'll need it."

"Thanks."

Emily took a seat at the table with the boys. When Hotch joined and the coffee was served, they sat through a quiet breakfast. They wanted to act as normal as possible, but the lack of lively noise skittering about the room was a clear sign it was anything but.

"I can see that we're all anxious to get out of here," Emily said, pushing her full plate away. "But before we do, we need to talk about a few things."

The boys quietly waited for her to continue.

"First, Jack, you don't need to come. I know you're trying to be supportive, but we might be there all day and I don't want you to have to stick around too. You and your dad can hang back… go about your day."

"No," both Hotchner men said.

"Emily, that wasn't what we talked about. I'm going with you."

She put her hand on his and was about to speak when Jack did instead.

"I'm going too," he said. "Nate has become like my brother. We're all family here, and family goes places they don't want to and does things they wish they didn't need to because they love each other. I don't care if I'm there all day, I want to be there for both of you."

"That's very sweet of you Jack…"

"No buts. I'm going and so is Dad. We're a family. That's what we do."

Emily smiled proudly and nodded. "Ok. Then I will say this. I think James is doing ok. That's what Collin said. He's coherent and talking, so there was no major damage, but he hasn't said whether this will be a continuous thing. When we get there, he might still have the wires on, you know the ones he had last time to track brain waves."

Nate nodded.

"I just want to prepare you. We don't know what's going on, but, right now, he's ok. We need to focus on that."

"Alright," Nate said. "I'm not scared."

"It would be ok if you are."

"I'm not. I just know that if I was in the hospital, no matter how scary things might be, you and Dad would be there. I want to be there for him."

"You are a good young man, Nate."

"I know."

"And no longer a humble one, it seems," she teased. "Alright. We should get going. Just know that there's going to be a time today when your dad and I need to have some grown up talk, just between the two of us. We won't keep medical stuff from you, but there are things your dad and I need to discuss that just aren't your business."

"Like what?" Nate asked.

"Didn't I just say it wasn't your business? There are some things that don't concern you. There are things between adults and conversations between us that aren't meant for children."

"Doesn't that just mean you're fighting?"

"No. It means we're talking without you."

"Fine."

"Fine. I guess we go. Shoes on. Grab your raincoats, too. Weather is supposed to be bad today."

"Yes, Mom," Jack said teasingly as he got up from the table.

Emily silently shook her head and waited for them to leave the table before turning to Hotch.

"I know he didn't mean it, but I didn't mind the sound of that," Emily said.

"Me either."

He reached his hand out to take hers.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? Not too sore?"

"I'm plenty sore, but I'll manage."

"Ok. I guess that means we should get ready and go. Promise me, though, that if the pain gets to be too much, you'll let me take you home."

"I'll be ok. But yes. If it's too much, we'll come home."

"That was too easy. Should I be suspicious?"

"No… I just… I have a feeling that all the work between James and I to be civil could easily just disappear in an instant. If that happens, I'll be begging you to take me home."

"I'd be more than happy to do it. Now, come. Let me help you change, and we'll go."

She nodded and allowed him to do just that.

When they got to the hospital, James was back from his tests. He was looking good… Normal, even with the IV and head gear.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked.

"Tired. But good," he said, looking sheepish. "Are you… Are you ok?"

"A little banged up, but I'll live."

"I'm… I'm really glad."

Emily could feel the anger building again. She was reading his remorse and it just made her angry. It was confirming her fears.

Taking a deep breath and squeezing Hotch's hand a little too tightly, Emily gave him a tightlipped smile and nod.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Nate asked, breaking the tension that he wasn't even aware of.

"I'm doing fine, Nate. Don't worry about me."

"You didn't get hurt in the crash?"

"Just a couple of bruises. Did your mom tell you what happened?"

"You were in an accident together and you had a seizure."

"That's right… It was scary for me. Probably for you too."

"I don't like you or Mom being hurt, but you're both ok, so I'm not so scared."

"It would be ok if you were. I was scared, but you're right. We're both fine."

"Are you going to have seizures like last time?"

"I hope not, Nate. My doctor is going to help me come up with a plan to try and prevent that. We'll do whatever we can to make sure that doesn't happen."

Feeling her stiffen beside him, Hotch leaned and whispered in her ear, "Let's give them a minute alone. We can check in with the doctors."

Emily nodded and excused them, telling the others that she wanted Nate and James to have some time to themselves.

"Are you okay?" he asked her as soon as they were away from the room.

"I don't know. I'm just… Feeling a lot of things. I don't want to lose it in front of the boys but…"

"But you're thinking that he knew… That he has been having seizures for a while and knowingly put you all in a dangerous situation."

She just sighed, a heavy exhale.

"Is that true?" Jack asked, surprising them.

_Damn it,_ they both thought.

"How come you're not in the room?"

"I offered to get Collin some coffee. He looked like he could use it."

"That was very nice of you."

"Yeah… But back to the subject at hand… Did he know? Is he the reason you were in the accident?"

"We don't know, Jack."

"But you think so?"

"It's a possibility," Hotch said, not wanting to lie.

There was no point. His son wasn't a small child anymore. He had seen and experienced his fair share of hurts and horrors. He was a teenager who understood the world wasn't perfect and people, even people they cared about, did stupid things sometimes.

"We don't know for sure," Emily added again.

"He was driving when you crashed," Jack mused, "If he knew and he drove anyway… He could have killed you!"

"Jack, hun," Emily started, walking to him and putting her hand on his shoulder. "I'm okay."

"But it could have been worse."

"I know. We both know that, and that's why I'm upset, but we don't know all the details yet and we're trying not to react without that knowledge. It's hard, but we expect the same from you."

"I get to be angry too," he told them. "I'm not a little kid anymore. I get why you might not want Nate to know this, but I deserve to know. You may not be my mom, Emily, but I love you like you are… He could have taken you away from me… and for what?! Because he didn't care? Because he didn't want to tell you the truth?! No. That's not okay."

She watched the emotion play in his eyes and it broke her heart. Not saying a word, she used her uninjured arm to pull him to her as tightly as her body would allow.

"I love you like you're my son, too," Emily said, holding him against her chest. "And I am fine. We can be upset, but you must let me handle this. Whatever else he is, James is Nate's father and it's important that we be civil with him."

"I just… I don't want to lose you."

"You haven't. You won't. I'll handle this."

"We will," Hotch corrected. "We'll get to the bottom of everything and address these concerns. That's our job, though. Not yours."

Pulling away from Emily, Jack said, "I get to be angry."

"You can be. We are. But don't act on your anger. Please don't be angry in front of Nate. People do stupid things, but sometimes, reacting to those stupid things isn't worth hurting people we care about."

"Like Nate," Jack surmised.

"We know you're not a kid anymore, Jack. I don't think you've been one for a few years now, but you will always be a kid to us… _Our _kid," Emily said. "Same thing goes for Nate."

Jack huffed and responded, "I don't want to hurt Nate, but I don't think I can go back in there and not be angry because all I can think now is what if… What if things were worse? Nate could have lost both of you. He knows what it's like to lose a parent. I know what it's like… He doesn't deserve to go through that again."

"Here's the thing, Jack," Hotch said. "I agree with you. I feel that too, but there's still a chance that he could lose James. We don't know what the doctor has to say yet, but the seizures, if they're back, could very well take James away from him. So, no matter what happens, he's going to need you to be the big brother he sees you as and be there for him."

"I'll always be that for him. Right now, I just need to be angry."

"Then let's be angry together," Emily said. "Let's get that cup of coffee. You and me."

Jack nodded.

"What about Dad?"

"I think your dad can stay here and watch out for Nate."

Hotch agreed.

Emily and Jack took a much-needed moment to themselves while Hotch returned to the room.

"Where's Emily?" James asked.

Pointedly, Hotch responded, "She went with Jack to get the coffee."

The two men locked eyes for a second before James looked away. Hotch would bite his tongue, but they were going to get to the bottom of things, and he wasn't sure how he'd react if he knew for sure whether James knowingly put Emily in harm's way.

He wouldn't have to wait too long for his answers. After an awkward hour talking small talk and listening to an oblivious Nate engage with everyone, the doctor came in.

Collin and Emily were in with James as he met with the doctor. Hotch took the boys away from the room. The moment Emily came face to face with Hotch, he knew that James knew what was happening. Her jaw was clenched, posture stiff, and anger was radiating despite doing her best to tamp it down.

Emily held it together while they were in the room listening to the treatment plan, but now she just wanted to scream. Hotch wanted more than anything to help her let it out, but it was not the time or place. She was holding it in for Nate, and he respected that, but he felt his own anger swell.

"We need to leave," she told him. "I can't talk to him right now."

"Take the boys to the car. I'll be there in a second."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to get your bag," he said, clearly leaving some things out.

"I already yelled at him," she quietly told him.

"Then I guess it's my turn. Go. I'll be right behind you."

The problem was, however, that he didn't want to hold back when he saw James. Even as he entered the room, Collin looking upset, but comforting James, Hotch only felt worse.

"How could you do it?" he asked, voice sharp and angry. "How could you risk her life like that?"

"I…"

"Don't give me any excuses. I want to know how you, a man who lost someone he loved, who watched his son lose a parent already, were willing to chance losing the only parents he had left. For what? To keep it quiet? To remain ignorant?"

"I wasn't thinking," James declared. "I was scared and didn't want what was happening to be happening. I wasn't having seizures like that… Just tremors. I thought… I thought it was just a side effect from my medications. I wanted to believe that."

"I get that James. Truly. But here's the thing… You could have killed her. If you want to put your own life in danger, I can't stop you," Hotch calmly, but forcefully stated, "But I love Emily. My son loves Emily… And we've already lost enough. I'm not going to yell at you. I just want to leave you with this. Imagine what you would have done to Nate if Emily was worse off. Imagine how he would have felt about you if he knew you were responsible for hurting his mother. I don't think he would forgive you. Do you? Especially not if it was more serious… It would have been one thing if you didn't know this was happening, but you had an inkling – you know it was a possibility – and that should have been enough. You don't get to take chances with other people's lives. You don't get to play god with others' lives."

"I wasn't trying to."

"But you did. You made choices, kept quiet, and put lives in the balance. If you were healthier, I'd have half a mind to… I'm not a violent person. Not usually, but I would be and could be if you do anything like this again."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I just don't know if it's enough. I'm sure Emily will be the bigger person and be there for you for what comes next. She'll sweep this under the rug… But know that she's angry and scared. She didn't deserve this."

James wanted to apologize again, but knew it was no use. Hotch was right, and that pained him to even think. He hated himself a little for what he did. He was just thankful Emily would be ok. Hotch had one thing right. If Emily hadn't been alright, no way would he still have his son. If Nate even knew that the accident was his fault, because of his own poor choices and inability to face reality, he could have lost his son.

Nate wouldn't forgive him.

But Nate didn't know. James had to thank Emily for that. She wanted things to be calm, as calm as they could be, especially with whatever came next with James' health.

Emily wouldn't say anything as they drove home, but Hotch saw her fist clench into the fabric of her jeans the entire ride. They wouldn't talk about it until the boys were otherwise occupied and they were alone in their room.

"I could kill him," she said. "I could do it and get away with it."

"You could, and I would help you, but we both know you won't."

"I know, but I would like him to know that I could."

"Tell me what happened."

Sighing, Emily began to explain that James wasn't having full blown seizures, nothing as spastic and dangerous as what happened while he was driving, but the warning signs were there.

"The doctors at the rehab explained the signs. He knew what was happening. He convinced himself that it was a side effect of the medicine he was on, and that was possible, but he had to know. He said he scheduled an appointment for next week to see. He was having isolated partial seizures. The scar tissue that formed created localized seizures, I guess," she told. "It was probably happening for the past few months even without him noticing. But it's been worse over the last few weeks. He's been having tremors in his hands and legs. Sometimes, it probably wasn't even noticeable, but he knew… He knew what was happening."

Hotch sat beside her and offered her the comfort she needed in that moment.

"I don't want to go through this again."

"You don't have to. Not alone. It won't be the same."

"He needs surgery," Emily whimpered into his chest, allowing the pent-up emotions to flow again. "In two weeks. They say the sooner the better, but they want to get a few more comprehensive scans and create a full treatment plan before he goes under. There are… there are risks."

Other than the obvious, that James could die or lose brain function if things went wrong, there was a chance that the lesionectomy wouldn't relieve the seizures. He would be having brain surgery, and it could do nothing for him.

"He'll have a six to eight-week recovery… and that's if everything goes as planned."

"He'll be fine."

"I'm not worried about him," she snapped.

"You are, and that's ok. Nate is who you're most worried about, but no matter how angry you are at him, you want him to be ok."

She nodded, allowing him to pull her back into his chest and just hug him.

"Why am I so tired?"

"It was a long day," Hotch suggested. "How's your arm feeling?"

"It's sore."

"You keep admitting that, and that scares me."

She smiled.

"It's not that bad, just a little bruised and beaten."

"Want a bath and an early night? Jack and Nate sensed something was up. Nate seemed to know not to ask. They're doing the last of their packing. Jack's going to take Nate down the block for an ice cream at Sal's. Want me to have them bring you back something?"

"No. But I will take that bath. Help me?"

"Absolutely. I'll start the water now."

The night and the next day were calm. Emily and James spoke only through text to keep updated. Nate called and talked with his father but wasn't trying to go see him. James was released and back home, so that was enough for Nate.

Thankfully, though, spring break was still upon them and there would be time to move before they went back to school, even with all the drama. They were all looking forward to that. When they woke up Saturday morning, boxes ready to go into a moving truck, they were thrilled with the surprise.

"We thought you could use the help," Dave told a half-awake Emily as she walked out of her bedroom into the commotion.

The boys were awake and getting ready. She could hear them pushing around boxes in their room. Smiling, sleep waring off, she walked closer to their room and reminded them to strip the sheets off the bed.

Hotch was in the kitchen getting breakfast ready so they could put the last of their kitchen ware into boxes after, and the team was organizing the boxes to load into the truck they rented for the weekend. The move was in high gear and she wasn't even out of her jammies.

"Thank you," Emily said. "We could definitely use the help."

She walked over to Hotch who had a cup of take out coffee for her.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You were up late last night and you're not going to be of much help with the bum arm."

"I can help."

"No."

"I can."

"You'll supervise and make sure we're all hydrating. And you'll wrangle in the boys who will definitely get bored at some point."

"I'll be wall art."

"You'll have an important, less physical role."

"Already like an old married couple," Dave bellowed. "Kiss and make up. There's breakfast waiting. I brought bagels and muffins for everyone."

"Thanks Dave."

"Truck's here," JJ said, walking into the apartment. "Will got it as close to the entrance as we're allowed."

"I guess we get started," Emily said, resting against Hotch's body.

"We get started."

"I'm going to help," Emily muttered.

"JJ, you're on babysitting duty… Emily sitting."

"Not nice," Emily complained.

"Come on, Em," JJ said. "Enjoy it. You get out of the heavy lifting."

"I don't like being useless."

"Consider yourself Hotch for the day, overseeing all BAU activities."

"At least Hotch gets to go in the field," she rebutted.

"You'll dictate everything, just no heavy lifting," Hotch reworded, passing her a bagel. "The guys are waiting. We're going to start loading some of the furniture. You should be happy you don't have to try to wrangle a couch down a few flights of stairs."

"Oh, that part I am thankful for," Emily teased. "Have fun."

"Come on old man," Hotch said to Rossi. "Derek and Reid are on their way up. We're going to start with the boys' bedrooms."

Alone, JJ looked at Emily with a smile.

"Don't look at me like that," Emily said.

Feigning ignorance, JJ asked, "Like what?"

"Like Penelope… Like I'm some lovesick fool."

"Aren't you? It's not a bad thing, you know. To be happy, even with what's going on."

Emily took a deep breath. "I know."

"You want to talk about it?"

"The love?"

"No, the rest… We'll save the love parts for when PG gets here. You know she'll just make you repeat it."

"Things are… what they are," Emily told her. "There's nothing else I can do about it."

"It's also ok to be angry," JJ said. "With him and with the situation. Hotch told us a little… Well, he told Dave and then Dave told us all to get us here and help out."

"I am angry, but what does holding onto that do for me or my family. Me being angry will make Nate upset. Nate is going to have enough to deal with when James has surgery. He doesn't need to know what happened… or, really, why it happened. He's having brain surgery… He could die. How can I be angry when that can happen?"

"Easy, you feel what you feel. You can't help that."

"I can let go. I can focus on the good right now. I'm getting the family I always wanted. Hotch and I… We're solid. And Jack… God, when did he get to be such a grownup."

"I think he was born that way. Hotch genes."

"Maybe. He'll be driving soon. Nate's going to be a teenager soon. It's crazy."

"How time flies. At least Michael's still got that baby feel."

"He's a little menace, but we love him."

"Think about having any more?"

"Two is more than enough, thanks. I love my boys, but I barely have time for anything as it is. Another baby… No thanks."

Emily laughed. "Who will Pen bug to give her god babies then?"

"Reid's up… Or Derek. I think she'd be thrilled with either."

"We'll have to see about that." Emily picked off a piece of the bagel and threw it in her mouth. "I guess I should get dressed. We've got a lot to do today."

"You can be just as effective delegating in pjs as you can in jeans."

Emily rolled her eyes and went to get dressed. JJ went to check on the boys and see what she could do there.

Before long, they were heading over to the new house. Pen met them there saying that, though she wasn't above heavy lifting, her job required the ability to type and she wasn't risking it by moving around couches and whatnot.

"Whatever you say, Pen," Emily wrote it off.

"No. No. No," Pen countered when Emily tried to one-handedly grab a box off the truck.

Penelope grabbed the box from her.

"No lifting. We can't have you no-handed because I let you do stupid things."

"Pen I can…"

"No you don't. I've got it."

"Ok," Emily said, one hand up in surrender.

"Hey, you did that on purpose."

"Did what?" Emily asked, faking innocence.

"Oh, you're good. Fine. You win this round Prentiss, but you bet your pretty little butt that whenever I decide to upgrade my abode, you'll be doing all the heavy lifting."

"I'd do it myself… If you'd let me."

"No need to guilt me. I'm already doing it," Penelope huffed, walking away with the box.

"She's too much fun," Emily said to herself as she grabbed a small bag and followed the blonde into the house.

Things were really coming together. Emily did her best to follow instructions and not do any heavy lifting. Everyone caught her doing something she shouldn't at one point or another.

"Mom, you're not supposed to do that," Nate chastised. "If you want something done, ask. Jeez… Women."

He walked away shaking his head.

"Why are you laughing?" Hotch asked, sneaking up behind her.

"My kid is twelve going on twenty five. Way too serious sometimes."

"He gets that from you."

"Whatever you say stick in the mud."

"I am not… Anymore. Much."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"I can prove it."

"Yeah? How?"

He leaned to whisper something in her ear, something that made her blush.

"Here? With everyone here? Why, Mr. Hotchner, you're a naughty boy."

"Is that a yes?"

"Absolutely not."

"Now who's the stick in the mud."

"Still you," she said, walking away. "Now get moving. One more load to go."

"You're no fun," he yelled back to her.

"That's not what you said the other night," she teased. "Get moving. Dave's waiting."

"All my guys are crazy," she thought as she headed into Nate's room to help get things ready.

By the end of the day, all their stuff was in the new house, some haphazardly placed, but in the right rooms at least. Beds and rooms were the priority, so everyone spent their time trying to get those set. Emily got a little frustrated when her shoulder started bothering her.

"You've done too much," Hotch told her. "Don't think I didn't see you pushing around furniture and moving around boxes."

"I'm fine."

"You'll feel it more later."

"Why don't you go pick up some food for everyone? Take a break and rest the arm."

"Hotch…"

"Please? For my sanity."

"Ugh. Fine. I'll go be lazy, unhappily. Beer and pizza or should we spring for something more high class?"

"Beer and pizza should be fine. Maybe pick up some wine too."

"You're lucky I love you, you know. Sending me off on tasks when we should be putting in the work."

"You're lucky I love you, too. Making my life more difficult by attracting danger. I'm trying to help you."

"I know. And I am lucky." She moved to kiss him. "I'm going to call over to that place we saw down the road. Guy's, I think. We can get to know the food in our neighborhood. Try to have the rest of the bed stuff set up before I get back, please."

"As you command."

"It's a request. Not a command."

"It's both, and I understand that. I'm even ok with it," he assured her. "Can you pick up some ice cream or pops for the boys? JJ just left to pick up Henry and Michael from the sitter, but she said she's going to come back. Henry can help Nate with his stuff. Dinner and ice cream will be a nice thank you."

"I'll get all their favorites. No worries."

"Take someone with you, too."

"All these requests…"

"Please."

"I won't even drive," she promised.

Pen offered to drive Emily, and, together, they ended up buying double what they needed, but it left them some food to put away and make the next day a little easier. Easter wasn't celebrated much this year. The family, all of them, stayed late getting as much done as they possibly could. For the most part, the major stuff was done. The apartments were emptied. A lot of stuff was donated or trashed, and they were left with exactly what they needed. Boxes were organized in the right rooms, important stuff that they needed right away was unpacked, and they were just about done for the day.

"Everything looks good," Hotch said. "The paint job really did come together well. Wasn't sold on that orange color for our room, but I like it."

"It's called humble gold, Hotch. It's really not that orange. It just brightens up the room more than cream."

"I'm glad you convinced me."

"Me too. Nate's room looks more teenager than little kid though, and that terrifies me. He's growing up."

"You'll have to get used to it."

"I know. The blue is nice, and the new bedsheets really bring it all together. You can tell Jack is old now. He went with gray. Thought for sure he'd pick something more vibrant."

"I think he just listened to what you said. Dark colors are hard to change, and everything goes with the gray he chose. Plus, it was a compromise. He got that paint color, and I let him get those stupidly expensive sheets. I don't know what's so special about them."

"They weren't that expensive."

"If you say so."

Hotch carefully put his arm around her as they sank into the couch together. Noticing her flinch away, he quickly pulled his hand back.

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

"Sore… Again… Or still. I'm not sure which it is."

"I tried to get you to take it easy."

"I tried to listen…"

He gave her a skeptical look.

"Sometimes, I tried, but this is our house. I just want everything to be perfect."

"It'll never be perfect, but it will be ours and that's all that matters."

"That's sweet… And stupid. I want us to be happy here and comfortable, so I had to put in a little work. I really didn't use my arm at all."

"It was hurting even before the day began. I'm sure," he made air quotes, "not using it didn't help."

"Don't be mean to me. I'm in pain."

"I'll grab you one of the pills."

"No… Just… Just sit with me."

"I can do that," he said, carefully moving closer.

"I think we're going to like it here."

"I think so too."

"Welcome home," she said, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Welcome home," he mimicked, placing his cheek against her head. Together, they cozied up on the couch, temporarily forgetting the recent drama and upcoming battle with James' surgery. They just enjoyed their new home, hearing the laughter of their sons playing video games in their new shared living space.

Despite the throbbing pain in her shoulder and the weight of what came next for Nate's father, Emily was content in Hotch's arms. He made her feel safe and happy.

There was no one else she could picture that exact moment with.

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you too."


	65. Transition

**Chapter 65: Transition**

Hotch was ready to punch someone. He couldn't bring himself to go home when he was this angry, nor could he feasibly see himself getting behind the wheel because he knew exactly where he would end up. The results of that encounter would not have been pretty.

He resolved to take a walk.

Trying to be the bigger man, Hotch offered to deal with getting James' car out of a tow lot for him and Collin. That choice was a mistake.

He was already on edge with James because he saw Emily struggling. He bared witness to her explaining to Nate about the surgery and his dad's treatment plan. He watched the deep bruising on her body change colors. He saw her wince in pain when she thought no one was looking.

Arguably, that was all James' fault. But he was trying not to see it that way and release some of the anger.

Then he saw the car. It was worse than he imagined it would be. James and Emily were lucky to have made it out with the minor injuries they did. The whole front end was badly damaged. No way could it be repaired. Glass was missing, shards splayed all around the interior. It was a wonder neither of them had any permanent damage.

Seeing it, though, and understanding just how fortunate they really were, only incensed him. James' idiotic choices easily could have gotten them killed. It wasn't even a what if scenario. Luck was on their side when Emily acted quickly. They should have been hurt more, maybe even died. He wasn't upset that the unlikely happened but seeing just how close he truly came to losing her made him want to march over to James' apartment and kick his ass.

He had half a mind to go and do it even though he knew he shouldn't.

It was what the man deserved.

Instead, he found a café across the street, walked over, found a table, and took a breather. When Dave called him, he was reluctant to answer, but eventually picked up.

"What's wrong?" Dave immediately asked him upon hearing his voice.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Who? Jack? Don't tell me Morgan got to him. Did he get a girl pregnant?"

"What? No," Hotch stated. "He's 15."

"And?"

"And he's not… doing that."

"You don't know that."

"I do. We talk. Right now he's just… playing the field."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Damnit Dave. Why did you have to go there?" Hotch whined, making a mental note to check in with Jack about that again.

"What's going on?" Dave probed, knowing that his diversion helped calm the other man's nerves, or at least divert them.

Hotch sighed and shook away the thoughts of Jack.

"I saw the car," he said. "Emily probably shouldn't be alive. Neither of them should, but her side took more of the damage."

"It's that bad?"

"The car is scraps now."

"I know this makes things feel fresh again, and you do have a right to be angry, but Emily is fine."

"She's not fine," he argued, voice raising.

Genuinely concerned, Dave asked, "She's not?"

"I mean… Yes, she will be fine, and I'm thankful things weren't worse for her, but I have to watch her get frustrated when she can't do things she normally could, watch her in pain and refuse to take medication because she needs to get things done and the meds make her tired. She will be fine, and she gets to stop using the sling later this week, but for the next month, she'll struggle. All of this could have been avoided."

"A little struggle is better than not having her around."

"Of course, but that fact doesn't lessen the anger. Before, the thought that she could have died was more abstract. Now I see just how close of a call that was and I'm angry about it."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Kill him."

"Aaron…"

"I'm going to go back to our new home and make sure life is as easy for Emily as it can be and try not to let my anger get to me, but I don't know how civil I'll be if I see James between now and his surgery."

"Aren't you on Nate duty? How's that going to work?"

"I don't get out of the car when I drop him off, but now that they're back at school and James is not able to be alone until the seizures are back under control, Nate hasn't been over there much. They talk on the phone and Emily is going to go with Nate on Wednesday so Nate can be with him the night before the surgery, but that's it. Mostly, Collin has been with James and Emily and I have stayed away."

"For the best. Aaron don't let this get to you. Focus on the positive. What ifs are dangerous things."

"It's more than what ifs…"

"What else is going on?"

"Nate's been… He's been distant since Emily told him that James was going to have surgery. He mostly sulks in his room and Emily gets upset. It's a cycle."

"Maybe you should talk to him," Dave suggested. "You know what it's like to have a sick father. Maybe you can help him out."

"I think he's just nervous right now. No matter what I say, he will still be nervous. Emily and I are doing what we can, but I will definitely have a conversation with him if we need to address it further. Emily thinks it might be a good idea to take him to his psychologist again, but I don't know if he's at that point. He's not acting inappropriately to the situation. He's just scared. It's something we're considering."

"You both have a lot going on. Maybe you should take her out. A date night."

Hotch almost laughed. Between cases, the boys' schedules, the move, and now James' health issues, their schedules were booked solid.

"Date night seems like something that can be put on hold for a bit."

"Don't do that. You guys are moving forward in your relationship, moving in, raising your sons together. Those are all great things, but you can't forget the little things like date night. Trust me, keep the romance alive."

"It's definitely alive…" Hotch mumbled.

"Spare me the details."

"Gladly."

"But take her out."

"James is having surgery soon. We just moved in and have a lot of unpacking to do, plus Emily's still injured. Doesn't feel like the time for date night."

"It's the perfect time. Assuming all goes well with the surgery, take her out Friday. I'll keep an eye on the boys if you need me to. It would be good to spend some one on two time with them."

"Alright grandpa."

"Watch it," Dave hissed.

"I'll talk to Emily about it. I know she's stressed. I don't know if she's up for it, but we'll see."

Though he had his doubts, Emily was surprisingly up for it. When he asked her if they could make a date night soon, she was all for it. Her one caveat was that it couldn't happen until after the surgery.

"Preferably once this is gone," she said, motioning to her sling.

Thankfully, by the time he got home and they had that conversation, the anger had dissipated, and he was able to just be happy she was there. He may have touched her a little more or held on to her a little longer, but he felt it was warranted.

"I know we have a lot going on, but I want to make sure we take some time for us."

"I will always make time for us," Emily stated. "I'm glad you suggested this. We're going to have a crazy week, but we'll get through it –"

"Together," Hotch added.

"Right. We'll get through it together, and then maybe we can do a little weekend again."

"We'll do dinner, just the two of us, before that."

"Sounds perfect."

The plans were in motion. They just had to survive the craziness. It was crazy, too. Between moving, balancing schedules, Emily's still lacking mobility, and the surgery, they had their plates full. It didn't help that Hotch and the team were called away on a case, no guarantee that he would make it back in time to be there with them at the hospital.

He made it just in time, though.

"Am I too late?" he asked, huffing as he ran into the waiting room.

"They just took him to the OR," Emily responded, gratefully walking into his arms. "Now we wait."

"We wait," he parroted, escorting her over to the chairs and sitting himself between her and Nate, offering them each a squeeze of the hand.

It was a somber room, the memory of the last time James was in the hospital floating through their minds. Nate was worried, of course, and a little angry about the situation. Though, he did try not to be. Jack and the family tried to keep him distracted.

Collin was there, too, as he should have been to support his boyfriend, but he sat away from the rest of the family. He felt protective of his relationship with James and separate from the rest of them. He wasn't really a part of their family, but he did love James. That was their common ground. He loved James and Nate, and he had come to care for Emily and her family.

Still, he needed to be away from them and their closeness. He wasn't a part of that. It was fine, but he didn't really want to be invading it. He was on the outside looking in as they waited. The surgery itself, the doctor said, could take a few hours, so there was nothing to do but painfully sit around and wait.

Nate was jittery, though, and Hotch could see that. The longer they sat, the worse it got. Hotch was about to take him out of there for some air and a talk, but a doctor came in. Immediately, they were on their feet, huddling around for news.

"The surgery went well. We were able to remove the scar tissue we needed. He's being monitored in recovery now and will be moved to the ICU shortly. Barring complications, James will be monitored here for the next 48 hours before being moved to a regular room for 4 to 7 days."

"Will he stop having seizures?" Nate asked, hopeful despite what his parents already explained.

Dr. Crenshaw, one of the surgeons on James' case, looked sympathetically toward Emily before returning to Nate.

"No," he said. "We removed only the scar tissue that was safe to remove. He still has epilepsy, but we're hopeful that, once he's recovered and we get him back on the right dosage, the seizures will go back to being controlled. He could be seizure free in that sense, but there will always be the possibility that he will have them again."

Nate just pursed his lips and looked away. Instinctually, Hotch put his arm around the boy's shoulders and pulled him closer. Whatever happened, they would be ok, Hotch silently told him.

"We can talk about it more once we see how the surgery worked for him. And Nate, if you have any questions, we can have a chat during one of your dad's appointments."

"Thank you, Dr. Crenshaw," Emily said. "Will we be able to see him soon?"

"ICU hours are almost over. They'll probably let you stop in, but it will have to be a quick visit."

"That's all we need. Thank you."

They had it pre-arranged. Collin would be spending the night at the hospital with James so if something went wrong, he could be there to inform everyone else and get Emily, who was named James' next of kin and power of attorney, to make any decisions that needed to be made.

"Everything went well, Nate," Emily told her son. "Let's get some fresh air."

"No… We need to wait."

"It's ok," Hotch budded in. "Jack and I will stay here in case there's any other news."

"Fine," Nate huffed.

Emily mouthed a thank you before they walked off. They just needed to stretch their legs a little. Nate wasn't being very talkative, but he wasn't acting out or anything. He was worried, and she understood that.

They just needed a moment to clear their heads. Both did. Emily had seen far too much of the inside of hospitals over the years as both a patient and a visitor. And though the anger she felt toward James was all but forgotten due to the circumstances, she was still confused about how she was feeling. She would always feel love for James, but there was also hate there. Sometimes, when emotions got the best of her, hate – strong dislike really – was stronger. In the end, though, love always won out because, no matter the wedge between them, he was the reason there was ever a Nate in her life. He asked her for a favor which, in the end, after a long road, became the best thing in her life.

Nate was the best thing she ever did, and he was never supposed to be hers.

For that, she would always have a soft spot for James and even for Vince.

"You're dad's ok, Nate."

"We don't know that."

"We know that he made it through the surgery and that the doctors believe this will help him."

"He'll still have seizures. He'll still be an asshole again, just like last time," Nate spat, shocking his mother.

"Watch your tongue."

"I can swear if I want to. I'm old enough now."

"That's not how that works. I'm willing to let it go this time, Nate, because I know you're worried, but don't test me."

"It doesn't matter. You know it's true. A few weeks ago, Dad was fine, and then he wasn't. Then you almost weren't. So, he had a surgery that didn't kill him, what difference will it make? He might be better for a little while, but we'll just have to do this again… and again. I don't want to keep doing this. I want my old dad back, the one that was always nice and that didn't have to miss out on things because he's sick or sad or just being a dick because of all that!"

"Nathaniel Matthew Hadley. Where is this language coming from?"

"You, Dad, Hotch, Collin, and even Jack say worse," Nate shrugged.

"That doesn't give you free reign to act like this. I know you're scared and worried, and you have every right to be, but taking it out on me isn't going to help."

"Dad was fine. Why does this keep happening?"

"Oh Nate… I wish I had answers. I wish I could make it all go away. Your dad is doing what he can to be better again. That's why he had the surgery."

"No… He had the surgery because he felt bad for almost killing you and himself. And then what? What if that happened? I'd have no one!"

"Nate, stop that. That's not true. First of all, I'm fine. But, if something did happen and your father and I were taken away from you, you wouldn't be alone. You'd never be alone."

"Yes I would."

"No. You'd have Nana and Hotch and Jack, and a whole lot of aunts and uncles who would make sure you'd be ok."

"It's not the same."

"It never is, but you wouldn't be alone."

"Can we go back now?"

"Nate…"

"Please?!"

"Alright, Nate. We can talk later," she said with a sigh.

Before she could attempt to continue, Nate was walking away, leaving Emily to trail behind. He said nothing as they headed back, and Emily didn't push him. She wanted to, but she didn't. She couldn't fight with him there, not when things were still so fragile. James might have made it through everything fine, but things could still go wrong. That was what worried Nate. The fear was getting to him, and there was no arguing that away.

He livened up a bit after seeing James. The man looked pale and ghastly, but he was certainly alive, and that offered peace of mind. Enough for now, anyway. Collin promised Nate that he wouldn't leave his father's side, and that also gave some comfort.

The surgery was done. Now time would tell what came next. In the meantime, they were tired. The day was draining.

"I'm ready for that date night," Emily whimpered as she walked into Hotch's arms at the end of the night.

Embracing her tightly, he asked, "What happened with Nate?"

"It was just a rough day," she responded. "He was snappy."

"He's been in a mood lately."

"I don't like it, but I think that's his coping mechanism. He's a little older, a little smarter, and a little more able to comprehend what's going on than he was a few years ago. It's hard on him."

"What are we going to do?"

"Exactly what we've been doing, take care of him."

The next morning, Emily called Dr. Garland and got Nate the first available appointment. It was clear that all the hospital and accident trauma had reared its ugly head again, and it couldn't do any damage to give him an outside perspective to talk to.

The healing process needed to begin again, not so much physically for them, though Emily's shoulder was still limited. It was more mentally and spiritually. They would get there, but it would take time. All their barriers had been pushed back up now that more trauma hit them. Even with things seemingly working out, they were suspicious of being hopeful.

But sometimes things did work out.

Like James woke up, cognizant and with all faculties intact, within 24 hours of the surgery. Doctors wanted to take some extra precaution because it took so long for him to be so alert, so they were keeping him in the ICU for another day, but soon he was in a regular room and on his way to recovering at home.

It was the reprieve they needed, though things with Nate weren't exactly better. Thankfully, Dr. Garland told Emily and Hotch that his behavior was normal given the current events in his life. His behavior should be monitored, and, in no way, should Nate get away with acting out, but with continued sessions to talk it out and the support of his family, Dr. Garland knew they would have Nate back to himself as soon as possible.

And when the doctor met with her, he kindly suggested that maybe she take some personal time to recoup herself.

"If it's that obvious I need a break from the mess of everything, I guess I really need to get on that."

"You can't be there for Nate if you're too stressed out or suffering."

"Hotch and I have some plans. I'll be fine."

"Good. If you ever need someone to talk to outside of your family and friends, I'd be happy to suggest someone."

"Thanks Dr. Garland, but I have a psychologist if I need it."

It was true, and some days, she wondered if she needed to go for a session or two. Life was complicated. Sometimes sorting through those webs required a guide of sorts, or at least a companion.

Her main priority was Nate, her family, and her relationship.

"So, date night tomorrow?" Emily asked Hotch late in the week.

The surgery was done, James was awake, and so, it was time to focus on them again.

"Absolutely. Me, you, and a quiet evening sounds like just what the doctor ordered."

"What about the boys?"

"Your mom is going to take Nate for the weekend. Jack is going to spend a day there but has plans with friends."

"You're telling me that we have a free weekend? Me, you, no work, no kids?"

"That is the plan."

"Heaven."

"You say that, but you'll miss the boys after an hour without them."

"I'll miss them, sure, but I'll be happy for the time with you."

"It's been a while since we've had a romantic night out."

"Got anything planned?"

"I've got so many things planned," he said, pulling her to him, chest to chest, her back arched away so she could see his face. "Tomorrow evening, after work, we're going to that fancy little Mediterranean place you've been wanting to try. Then we'll have a quiet evening, just the two of us with no interruptions."

"I'm so looking forward to it."

"Me too."

He leaned over and kissed her. "Come on," he said. "Dinner's waiting. The boys cooked."

"The boys cooked?"

"I know. I was worried too, but it's edible. Pasta is pretty hard to mess up, but it's good to know they won't be completely helpless when they're off on their own."

"Nate always enjoyed cooking with me, but he was, by no means, a master chef."

"Jack has been known to burn cookies."

"Well, let's see how this all tastes then. At the very least, it was sweet of them."

"I think so, and I promise it's safe to eat."

"I'm sure we'll choke it down even if it isn't."

"We're excellent parents."

"The best," Emily agreed, cozying up to his side as they headed into the dining room. The boys had the table set, food on the table, and smiles on their faces. It was a nice change, and the food was good. The pasta was cooked, and the sauce was from a jar and delicious.

"Dinner was a nice surprise. What made you do it?"

"I was mean," Nate said.

"And I thought it would be nice," Jack added.

"Better not spoil us. We might get used to it."

Jack was quick to say that it wouldn't be a regular thing. It wasn't often that they didn't have after school activities or something going on. Still, they took some time away from everything because it was a long, hard week for the family. Between the accident, the move, and everything with James, their parents had a lot on their plates. Boiling some pasta, slathering it in sauce, and calling it a home cooked meal was the least they could do.

"We were going to order out, but we cooked."

"And we thank you. It was very nice."

The parents were grateful. They had good kids, and it was nice of them to surprise them like that. Emily had the suspicion that, indirectly, Dr. Garland had something to do with it, but she wasn't going to question it. It was a break to their normal routine, and it offered comfort.

"Tomorrow you're going to Nana's. Can you make sure you have a weekend bag packed tonight? She's going to be here when you get home."

"Am I going to get to see Dad?" Nate asked.

"Yes. Nana is going to take you to the hospital to see him Saturday morning."

"Alright."

The family worked out their weekend plans, but Emily was grateful for the upcoming break. She loved being a mother to Nate and Jack, but the constant worry and drama over the last few years were finally taking their toll. She needed an adult only vacation… Or at least a night.

So when her mother came the next afternoon and the two sat down for some coffee while they waited for school to let out, it was nice to vent to someone who knew the old James and who wasn't Hotch. Talking with Hotch was easy, but he was always on her side. She needed her mother's objectivity and diplomacy, though, she wasn't getting much of that.

Elizabeth only had part of the story. Emily was hurt, but Emily said it was just some bruises, and it was an accident. She didn't, until then, know that James' inability to seek help and face his medical issues were the cause of said accident or that all of it could have been avoided.

Of course, it made her angry and sad. James put her daughter in jeopardy and her grandson on the track for more pain. But she knew her daughter more now, and she knew Emily would learn to forgive him. She always would, so, to keep the peace, Elizabeth would also find a way to not dwell. She would feel her anger, but she would let it go before she had to interact with James until or unless he did something else to make her angry. Then all bets were off.

"I'm just so glad you're ok and that he's doing well after the surgery. Tell me more about how Nate's been."

Emily explained what was happening. Nate had a short fuse these days. It had been getting better since he saw Dr. Garland, and he wasn't acting out much, but they could see he was stressed and worried. She just wanted to give her mother the same tools that Dr. Garland gave them to deal with it.

"We just don't want him living in a constant state of anxiety. The problem is that he knows loss and he knows how bad the situation can be with James' seizures, so we can't just tell him things will be ok. All we can do is make him feel that and give it time."

"You know, when you were a kid and you felt things, anxiety or fear, you acted out in your own way."

"I'm sure I did."

"No. I don't think you understand. Even when you were terrified, you ran at what it was that scared you. You refused to hold onto that feeling. It got you into a lot of trouble, but it is something I also admired about you. You always had that spirit about you."

"Thanks?"

"It's a good thing. I used to think I disliked that about you – No, let me reword that. I used to wish that it was different because dealing with that caused a lot of headaches over the years. It's only in hindsight that I'm grateful it never changed."

"Why?"

"Because that quality is what helped you survive. Your father and I weren't the best parents. We certainly weren't the worst, and we truly did and do love you, but we weren't attentive, and we created an unreliability in your life. You were in a constant state of fear and change. If you weren't the way you were, you would have been paralyzed by that fear, stuck and unable to function. Instead, your strength and resilience pushed you forward. So I'm incredibly thankful you were the way you were."

"That might be one of the nicest things you've said to me."

"Well, then that speaks poorly of my role as your mother, but it doesn't make it any less true."

"Thanks. You know, I'm really happy with the place we're in," Emily said, segueing the conversation. "For so long, our relationship was so contentious and forced. I don't know if it was Nate that brought us together and forced aside our issues, but I'm glad it happened."

"Me too, Dear. But I don't think it was just because of Nate. Maybe you being in trouble and learning I had a grandson was a part of it, but I just saw how caring and wonderful you were all over again… You are good at your job, and, while I had different career aspirations for you, I can't fault you for doing something that makes you feel fulfilled, so I let go of my own aspirations and hung onto yours."

"I'm a professor now. That has to be more in line with your expectations."

"Yes, but I wouldn't care if you were a supermarket clerk. Your career choice was about Nate. Admirable, selfless, and still a way to do something you enjoy. Most importantly, you're there for your son when he needs you. That's a balance I never quite found."

"We don't have to go there again, Mother. The past is the past. It's not worth going over it all the time. Nothing will change, but we've moved past it all. I've realized that – Well, I was never supposed to be a part of Nate's life. Not in any real way. Biologically, he was always a part of me, but I wasn't his mother. I walked away from my kid."

"That's not…"

"I know that's an oversimplified version of events, but the truth is that I wasn't there for him. I wasn't meant to be, but I felt the pain of that every day. Now that he's in my life, and I have a better sense of what I've missed, that feeling's worse. But it helps me understand some of what you might have felt. You weren't there for me a lot when I was little. Your job kept you away, sometimes not by choice. So, that had to hurt you too, I think."

"It did, Emily. It did."

"I understand that in a way I didn't before, which is why I let go of some of the hurt feelings. I'm not holding a grudge or sweeping anything under the rug to combust at a later day. I just… Understand better."

"I wish you didn't."

"I know. Me too, but I do. In the end, I can't be upset about it. I got attached when I knew I shouldn't and then I was forced out. It is what it is now. It helped us, though. I learned that when I needed you, if I called, you'd come."

"I would always."

"I wouldn't have always believed that, but I do now. We're in the best place we've been in since I was old enough to understand things."

"I'm happy for that."

"Me too."

They heard someone approaching the front of the house.

"Wow, it's already that late. The boys are home."

"Time just slips away with good conversation," Elizabeth said.

"Apparently so."

Emily smiled and got up to greet the boys. Both young men were happy to see their grandmother. Jack, despite his newfound teen independence, still loved seeing the extended family on occasion. Elizabeth had become as much his Nana as Nate's, and he wasn't one to turn away from family.

Knowing that Hotch would be home any minute, Elizabeth pushed the boys along to get them out of there. She wanted her daughter to have as much time with just Hotch as she could. Soon they were on their way, Emily telling them to enjoy, but behave.

"Same goes for you, Dear," Elizabeth teased.

"Bye Mom. Call if you need us."

"We won't need you, but I'm sure you'll be checking in anyway."

That was a given, but she almost felt guilty about the sense of relief she got when the house was empty. Falling into the couch cushions, Emily soaked in the quiet. The last few weeks had been another whirlwind of crazy.

That spot was exactly where Hotch found her, sound asleep, when he got home.

"Emily," he gently coaxed. "Wake up sleepy head."

"Hotch?" she asked, eyes unopened.

"Yeah. You looked so beautiful asleep, I almost didn't want to wake you."

Her eyes popped open. "No… You had to. We have plans, and I really need to get ready."

"We have a little time. I want to grab a shower and change."

"Me too."

"See, we'll be starting this weekend off right."

He had something special planned for them, and he was ready to get that started. A little fun never hurt, and fun was had, but once they were dressed and ready, it was time to get the evening truly started. Step one, true relaxation.

The restaurant was just what Emily hoped it would be, a little more formal than she wanted for a quiet night, but the food and wine more than made up for the little extra effort that went into getting ready. And that was only part one of the evening.

After dinner, Hotch took her to the movies.

"I wanted to do something to help you relax and thought about the spa, but a couple's message with your shoulder didn't seem like a great idea."

"Probably not."

Emily didn't mind the change in plans. It had been months since they watched something tailored only to them and not the kids. Cozying up next to each other and making out like teenagers high on hormones didn't hurt either.

"Home next?"

"Not quite."

"No? Where are we going?"

"As much as I love our new home, I thought we deserved a treat. So, we're spending the night in a fancy hotel where we can wake up to room service and not have to worry about making the bed. Then we have another easy, fun day planned."

"You've truly become quite the romantic. I'm still not used to it."

"We've made each other a little soft. It's our little secret."

"I meant what I said when this all began. You don't need to do these grand sweeping gestures to win me over or show you love me. I'm already swept up and I definitely love you."

"Good to know," he said, placing a kiss at the edge of her lips. "But every once in a while, it's nice to show you I can do these things. You show me by doing a lot of little things for me all the time without ever expecting a thank you or any acknowledgment at all or by not complaining when cases take me away… Those types of things. You're not really a person who asks for a lot, so I like to do things like this, things you don't necessarily need or want all the time, but enjoy all the same."

"Well then, Mr. Hotchner, let's enjoy our weekend."

The hotel was luxurious and cozy. They spent the next day in bed, spending time with each other and enjoying cuddling while watching tv. It was simple and nothing they couldn't have done anywhere, but it was perfect.

Come that afternoon, after checking on the boys, Hotch had the biggest part of the weekend to look forward to. Step two of his plan was in motion.

"Another surprise?" Emily asked.

"Yes."

"I suppose you're not going to tell me anything?"

"I'll tell you that we're going back in time a bit."

"You've invented time travel? Now I'm invested."

"You weren't before?"

"A different kind of invested," she clarified.

"Let's hope," he whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing. You'll like this. I promise."

"I trust you," she said, hand reaching over the center counsel to rest on his leg. "I tend to like your surprises."

This one would be no different.

She didn't ask any questions about their destination as they drove. Instead, she talked about their summer vacation plans and took in the scenery, getting a sense of déjà vu.

"Why does this drive seem vaguely familiar?"

"We're in Virginia."

"So I see. Looks like we're heading to West Virginia."

"Alright, Agent," Hotch said. "Putting those sleuthing skills to good use. Where are we going in West Virginia?"

"No more clues?" she asked, continually looking around.

"I gave you all you need."

Emily surveyed the area, waiting for the one clue that would put things together. It didn't take long for it to come. A literal sign showed her exactly where they were going.

"We're going to Harpers Ferry?"

He smiled and briefly took his eyes off the road to look at her.

"You remember Harpers Ferry?" she asked.

"It was where we met, after all."

"Barely. We said one sentence to each other."

_The Prentiss family had recently moved back into their Virginia home front. Elizabeth's postings left Emily to fend for herself a lot during the tail end of high school, but had brought her mother back to the states and, with it, she insisted on Emily's presence for the entire summer before she went off to school. _

_Emily hadn't been in the estate they lived in with her father for any extended period since he passed away, except for when they moved back briefly when she was 16 and started at the school where she met James. Soon after her father's death, Elizabeth began taking more frequent postings overseas. They country hopped every few months for years until her grandfather put his foot down and made Elizabeth bring Emily to the states to finish her last years of high school, but that wasn't in this home, it was in the house they bought to escape from the memories._

_Even so, she certainly hadn't spent time there with her mother and her new boyfriend. Emily wasn't looking forward to her final summer before college being spent with Elizabeth and Todd, who she claimed was just a friend visiting. Because friends moved in all the time…_

_It was hostile from the get-go. Elizabeth just barely showed up in time for Emily's graduation. Naturally, Elizabeth had something to say about her valedictorian speech. Emily's response was to disappear and show up the following week much to Elizabeth's chagrin. _

_When she showed up, the house was crawling with new staff. For most of them, she figured, it wasn't even worth learning their names._

"_So you decided to show up," Elizabeth greeted her daughter. "Where the hell have you been?"_

"_With friends."_

"_Emily!"_

"_I'm fine, and I'm here. What more do you want from me?"_

"_An explanation!"_

"_I gave one, and that's as good as it gets. I'll be in my room," she said, pushing past her mother and rushing to her old bedroom. _

_She really didn't want to run into Todd or anyone else._

"_Todd and I expect you for dinner at 7," Elizabeth yelled. _

"_I won't be there," Emily yelled back. _

_Things didn't get better after that. The time she was forced to spend with her mother and Todd was awkward. Seeing him touch her father's things and act like he was the man of the house just set her on fire. It didn't help that she was surrounded by strangers in a place that didn't feel like home anymore. _

_When she saw Todd try to throw out some of her father's keepsakes, things she purposely hid away for safe keeping, she just lost it. _

_There was a big blow out between the Prentiss women, and Emily felt constricted. _

"_Come on, Mother. Was it possible for you to pick a better bed warmer?"_

"_Excuse me?!"_

_Things only got worse from there, and when Todd stepped in, grabbing her arms a little too tightly, she pushed him away and ran. She was sure if she spent another moment in that house with her mother, a murder or two would have occurred. A few pretty unrepeatable words were exchanged, and she knew she needed out. She packed a bag and disappeared again. _

_Elizabeth, equally as angry, didn't bother to go after her. She dumped Todd because no one put their hands on her daughter or yelled at either of them like that, but the anger toward her daughter was at an all-time high and she felt angry enough that if they had another run in, she wasn't sure she could hold back from striking her daughter. _

_The vile things that came out of her mouth… _

_But when Emily didn't come home by the next morning, and Emily evaded the security detail that was supposed to be watching her, Elizabeth didn't know what to do. Thankfully, the FBI agent in charge of doing the security clearances and making sure the staff was well equipped had stopped by, and she utilized the advantage. _

"_No. Everything is not okay, Agent Hotchner. Your incompetent staff lost my daughter."_

_He managed to get the full story out of her and checked in with some of the staff. None of this was part of his actual job description, but this was his first big job and he wanted it all to go well. So far it wasn't smooth sailing. _

_He felt a responsibility to help with the situation. After talking to the staff, it seemed that Emily Prentiss was a thief in the night. She was good at escaping. The detail following her could only give the general direction of where she went. After a few miles following on foot, they lost the trail. Given the security threat that brought Elizabeth home, they felt it important to really try and find her as soon as possible. _

_Unfortunately, Elizabeth knew nothing about her daughter's life. There was one friend that she knew to check in with and James wasn't forthcoming. Truth was, he didn't know where she was, but one of the security guys recognized a location that popped up a few times in pictures from Emily's room. _

"_Can't hurt to look," Hotch said, jumping into the search. _

_He knew what it was like to be an angry teen. He wasn't much past that stage at that point. More than that, he saw the worry on Elizabeth's face and didn't want his first major assignment to end in distress. He wanted to bring the girl home. _

_So, they searched after getting confirmation from James that it was a regular destination for her and finetuning the exact location. _

_Three men plus Hotch started hiking the trails at Harpers Ferry. He spotted someone that could pass for her and looked at the picture they were all carrying to double check. _

_She was sitting at an abandoned overpass, staring out at the water. _

"_Emily?" Hotch called out._

"_Oh great. The goon squad," she hissed. "How did you even find me? I made sure to lose the lackeys and took a bus… You know what?" She stood up and faced him. "Don't answer."_

_Walking away, she said, "I assume you'll grab my shit while I'm taken to prison."_

_He held back a laugh as he watched her walk away, calling to Milo to follow her. _

"_She's trouble," Hotch muttered to his buddy as the two gathered her stuff. _

"No, I believe you said one sentence to me. I couldn't get a word in edgewise."

"I didn't even know who you were until my mom let it rip when we got home."

"It was a crazy time," he said, pulling into the park's lot. "But this was where we first met, even if not where we were first introduced."

They walked hand in hand to a scenic overlook.

Emily shook her head. "Be honest, you never thought I'd be where I am now based on that meeting."

"Definitely not. I half expected you to be a drug addict or alcoholic going into a fourth or fifth marriage by now."

"Bleak… And sounding a bit like the female Rossi."

"I won't tell him you said that."

"Thanks."

He leaned against the rail beside her. They moved close enough for their arms to touch.

"It's beautiful here."

"It is," Emily agreed. "I forgot how amazing the view is. I used to come here all the time before I left for college." She squinted in wonder and turned her head to face him. "But what made you think about coming here?"

"I told you. We're going back in time."

"But why to this moment? Why here?"

"Because here is where we met. Here is where tropical storm Prentiss made landfall in my life."

"So this isn't the best of tour, then."

"You're not getting it. Working on your mother's staff security clearances was my first major job in the FBI, but I made my presence known much more than I was supposed to. I was trying to make an impression. You and I were never supposed to cross paths on that job. But somehow, I met this wild, tenacious, scared teen who had quite the mouth and this crazy goth hair."

"Hey."

"You know it's true."

She shrugged.

"The point is that my life was changed then, and I didn't even know it yet. Our lives were connected then, before we even realized it."

"We didn't even know each other."

"No, we didn't. Our time wasn't then. We were on different paths. I was with Haley and working my way up the FBI ladder, and you were just starting out and going to school. It would be a long time before that moment became more than just a moment."

"You know you were terrible to me when I first came to the BAU."

"I wasn't."

"You were."

"I was suspicious."

"And you had a reason to be in the end, though I wasn't fully aware at the time what I was getting into."

"Alright, Em. I need you to just let me speak now. Can you do that? No interruptions."

"Hotch… Aaron," Emily said as she watched him fidget. "What's going on?"

"I never realized that when I met you, this crazy girl who I was sure would just be a spoiled little brat for the rest of time and who I never believed I'd give a second thought, that we would end up making such great partners. I guess that's why I brought us here."

He took her hands in his before continuing.

"A full circle moment. We met here then as totally different people who weren't ready to be with each other or even know each other, and when we met again a decade later, we still weren't ready, but we worked well together and got to know who we were as people. It's been a long and winding road full of a lot of low lows and high highs, but, through it all, there was one thing that held steadfast. You are an incredible person Emily Prentiss. You've been through more than I'm sure anyone realizes, and you've always come out on the other side. So, I brought you here to go back in time, to tell the two people who met in this very park that one day our paths would intertwine and follow the same trail, and we wouldn't know how to be without each other."

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet lined red box.

"We spent enough time working to get to this moment, and I don't want to waste anymore."

"Aaron," Emily whispered, eyes misting.

"I don't know where I would be without you in my life. We've been through a hell of a lot together, and we've overcome it all. Over the years, we've become a family. Together, we've given our boys two loving parents to depend on in their support system. We've built a life. And now I want to make that more permanent."

"The mortgage we cosigned didn't make that feel permanent?" Emily teased. "Maybe the shared bedroom? I gave up closet space."

He smiled but didn't break course.

"Kissing you in that beach house was one of the best bad decisions I've made. We were both unavailable, but our feelings were there. They were bottled up and there were obstacles, but we were instinctually being drawn to each other. I've said before that one day, I'd make you my wife, that we'd have it all: our boys, the house… The only thing missing is the title."

He looked down to the box and back to her.

"I love you, Emily. After Haley, I didn't think I would ever want this again, but with you, I do. I want it all, and I almost have it. The only thing missing is the ring on our finger, the symbol of our love. You make me a better man. You make me a better father. I'd like the chance to be a good husband too. I made my mistakes, but you've never made me feel less for them. I want to spend the rest of my days being that for you, being better because of you. So, I have a question for you."

Getting down on one knee, he held out the box and opened it, "Will you marry me?"


	66. Road to a Happy Ending

The penultimate chapter my friends. Enjoy it.

.

**Chapter 66: Road to a Happy Ending**

Getting down on one knee, he held out the box and opened it, "Will you marry me?"

"No."

"No?" he asked, stunned and nervous. He was sure they were in the same place, that they both wanted the same things out of their relationship. Could he have been that wrong?

"Not _no_," she said. "I just can't answer yet. I can't say yes."

"But why? Why not?"

"I need to talk to the boys. Jack and Nate both need to be ok with this."

"They are," he promised, a sense of relief taking over. She wasn't saying no because she didn't want to marry him, she just wanted to know that their kids were on board, too.

"You talked to them before talking to me?"

"Yes."

"And? What did they say?"

_Emily had another rough day with her shoulder. The stitches were out and there was more function, but the pain and swelling were still there. It bothered her, but she was strong and tried not to let it slow her down. It didn't help that James' surgery was coming up, and Nate was on edge. _

_Jack was struggling with trying to be around and be a good brother to Nate while wanting to be with friends like a normal teen. Sometimes it felt like his family was fractured. Both boys were on the verge of change, growing up and moving away from the little kids that clung to them. Jack more so than Nate, but they would both get there soon enough. _

_It was hard. But he knew they were raising them right, and they would be ok as they grew more and more independent. He wanted to instill in them that they were family, that family stuck together, and that no matter how old they got, home would always be open to them. _

_Mostly, he wanted them to know that he loved them both and wanted to make their family a little more official. There were many a night when he and Emily would stay up late cuddled in bed, talking about what they wanted out of life. _

_For the most part, they were content and happy with their circumstances. More than that, they thought things were going well. In their home life, things were perfect. They loved their new home. They loved the time they spent together as a family. And they loved to talk about what happened next. _

_He wouldn't be with the FBI forever and the kids would be out in the real world soon enough. They liked to discuss what that meant to them. _

"_We can always retire to my grandfather's cabin in the Alps. We'll only come down from the mountain when the boys come to visit. Fix it up with some top of the line internet and satellite. It could be nice."_

"_It would be interesting, for sure. Can you even garden?"_

"_Excuse me? Have you not seen our yard?"_

"_It's a decent suburban garden, but I don't know that we have the talent to live off the land."_

"_I don't like hunting."_

"_Me either. I wouldn't mind spending a week or so there. Who knows, maybe we'll decide we love it, stockpile years' worth of rations, and hightail it up there for the rest of our days."_

"_Maybe we can go there one day. Just the two of us… Feel it out."_

"_I'd love that."_

"_Or, you know, we can be like so many old people and retire to Florida. Buy a nice beach house and spend time in the sun until we burn to a crisp."_

"_Peaceful."_

"_I'd be happy staying right here, home, as long as we're together," Emily mumbled, sleep seeping into her bones. _

"_I'd be happy with that too. So happy…"_

_Conversations like that were a dime a dozen between them. Their dream destinations may have changed, and the way things worked were altered, but the theme remained the same. As long as they grew old together, they'd be happy. _

_He wanted that. She wanted that. And he felt now was the time to do something about it, to take a step to make their dreams a reality. _

_So, while Emily was resting, under the guise of giving her some peace and quiet to relax, Hotch took the boys out to dinner where they dined with Elizabeth. _

"_This was quite the surprising offer. Is my daughter not here?"_

"_No, she's at home. She pushed herself a little too hard getting things done at the house."_

"_Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I'll have to check in on her. It's not bad is it?"_

"_Just some pain. The doctor told her that was normal and just her body's way of saying to stop and rest."_

"_She was never good at that."_

"_Still isn't."_

_She examined the man before saying, "She doesn't know I'm here, does she?"_

"_No. And we're going to keep it that way for now. The boys didn't know until you arrived either."_

"_What's going on?"_

"_Yeah, Dad. All you said was that you needed to talk to us all and that it was a surprise. What's up?"_

"_Oh… Oh! A good surprise? For Emily?" Elizabeth asked. _

"_Yes," Hotch affirmed, watching a sense of glee fill his, hopefully, soon-to-be mother-in-law's face. "I know that I don't officially need it, nor would Emily even really care if I asked, but I'm a traditionalist when it comes to this, and I'd really like your blessing."_

"_You have it," she said. _

"_What are you guys talking about?" Nate asked. "What's this have to do with Mom?"_

"_Listen," Jack suggested. _

_Hotch smiled and thanked Elizabeth before addressing the boys. "Nate. Jack. I brought all of us here because there's something very important I need to ask you."_

_They were all ears, curious. At least Nate was. Jack was a little more in touch with what was happening. _

"_Emily and I have been together for some time now and have known each other a lot longer than that. We've been happy, and I hope you both have been happy too."_

_They nodded. _

"_I… Well… I would like to ask her to marry me, and I wanted to make sure it was ok with both of you first. Emily and I made a promise not to do anything that you didn't support."_

"_It's about time, Dad," Jack said. "Really took you long enough."_

"_Ugh… Thanks? Does that mean you're comfortable with this?"_

"_We already live together. At least if you guys get married, we'd be more of a family."_

"_You know that we're already a family? Right?"_

"_I know," Jack responded, "but this would make it more real. Like Emily would be my stepmom, not just Emily."_

"_Does that make a difference to you?"_

_He shrugged. _

"_I had a mom, and she was great. I miss her and love her. I always will, but Emily is who is with me now. She's been good to me. She treats me like her son. It would be nice to make it more official. To be her son in some capacity."_

"_You never said anything."_

"_It's just a formality," Jack said. "Emily has made it clear that she loves me and thinks of me just as she thinks of Nate. You shouldn't get married just because I thought, 'hey, it would be cool if she was my mom, too,' when I was a kid."_

"_You're still a kid," Hotch reminded him._

"_When I was younger," he clarified. _

"_But you still want that now?"_

"_Yes. I'd like that still, but I just want you to be happy. Both of you. I'll be off to college soon enough. I'd like to think I wasn't leaving you to wither and die all alone."_

"_Really, Jack?"_

"_Come on, Dad. You were alone for a long time after you and mom divorced and then she died. You dated more in the last few years, but you weren't truly happy until you and Emily got together."_

"_So, we have your support then?"_

"_Of course."_

"_Thank you, Jack. What about you, Nate? What do you think about this?"_

"_Would that make you my dad?"_

"_I'd be your stepdad. I wouldn't be replacing your fathers, but I would be a father figure, just as I hope I have been."_

"_Nothing will change?"_

"_Nothing will change," Hotch assured. "We are happy living together and being a family, right?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_It will still be just like that, only your mother would have a fancy new ring on her finger and we would eventually have a wedding if she agrees."_

_He took a moment to ponder. _

"_If mom wants this, then I want it too. I love you Hotch. I… I'd like for you to be one of my dads, too."_

_He smiled in victory and satisfaction. They all were on board. The ring had been picked out and ordered, burning a hole in his office drawer for months now. There was no better time to act._

"Do you think I'd ever go against their wishes? If they weren't comfortable with this, I would have put it off." He smiled. "Everyone I talked to was happy about it. They gave their blessing."

Eyes narrowed, she asked, "Everyone? Who exactly is everyone?"

"The boys. Your mother. Some of the team…"

"So, _literally_ everyone in our lives."

"I even asked James if he'd have a problem with it a while back. He was happy for us. I'm thorough."

"Yeah…"

"I was excited," he reiterated. "And a little nervous."

He got up from his knee, standing before her with the ring box still held out to her.

"So… What do you say? Want to get married?"

Engrossed in each other, neither noticed the crowd that had gathered around them.

"Say yes," they heard someone call, finally noticing the gathering crowd.

There was a swarm around them cheering and they had been completely oblivious, lost in their moment together. Everything else ceased to exist but the two of them.

"Listen to the people," Hotch said. "Marry me? Let's make our family a little more formal."

"Are you sure you want to be lawfully attached to me? I'm kind of a drama magnet."

"It's one of the things I love about you."

"Lie."

"Well, there's nothing about you I hate. That will just keep things interesting. Certainly, the way you handle yourself is one of the many things I love about you."

"There you go being all romantic again."

"You bring it out of me. What can I say?"

"I love you Hotch… Aaron. And god, I don't know what kind of wife I'll be. Most days, I don't even know how I'm doing as a girlfriend, but I want to be on this journey with you. I want our boys to be _our _boys. So, yes. I'll marry you."

"You'll marry me?"

"Yes."

"She said yes," he yelled to the crowd before sweeping her up into a big embrace and smothering her with kisses. "We're going to get married."

"I love you," she said.

It wasn't until the crowd's cheers started to die down and they were brought down to earth that he slipped the ring on her finger.

"It's gorgeous," she told him.

"I'm glad you like it."

"It's so unique… So me."

"That's what I was going for."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say nothing. Your face says it all."

"I love it. I really do. It's not flashy and it's just the right amount of traditional and modern."

"It's unique," Hotch added. "I helped design it."

Emily looked away from the ring to him. "Really?"

"Yeah. There were all sorts of patterns and designs and stones and shapes. It was… overwhelming, but I went with the traditional diamond in the center but added in Nate's birthstone. I thought that would be special, and the vine pattern looked the nicest to me. I just… I thought of what you would like."

"I love it," she said. "I love you. I… I don't know that I'm surprised by this… Not completely. We talked about it, but I was surprised by the location and everything else. The timing… It's been… It's been a very special day."

Her voice was laden with emotion, happy emotion.

"Indeed, it has," Hotch agreed.

"What do you say we head back to our weekend getaway to celebrate this next chapter of our life together."

"I can't think of anything better for us to do."

"Me either."

The news was not shared that night. Instead, they went back to their room for a private celebration. Champagne was sipped, clothes were lost, and a celebration was definitely had. For the night, it was just about them, but that didn't mean she wasn't excited to share the news.

It was lucky that when they returned home that Sunday, Elizabeth, the boys, and all their friends were waiting for them for a surprise engagement party. Apparently, Emily learned, when she talked to the boys that morning, she gave them the confirmation that she said yes, that she wanted to talk to them in person to make sure they were truly accepting, but that she said yes.

The party showed their approval.

The boys were happy for them, for their family officially joining.

"Have you set a date?" Pen asked.

"We haven't. Not yet."

"Who are you kidding, Pen? They didn't do any planning. When would there have been time for that?" She winked as she asked that.

"JJ," Emily admonished, a light blush filling her cheeks. "There are impressionable ears around."

"We all know what sex is," Jack said. "Relax."

"That did not make me feel better. I'm going to get another drink," Emily huffed.

"I'll come with you," JJ said, leaving Hotch behind sending glares at his son.

Catching up to Emily, JJ smiled and said, "You both seem very happy."

"We are."

"We're really happy for you. Can't say we didn't see this coming. There was an office pool on this too."

"Yeah? Who won?"

"Rossi," JJ whined. "Pen was out first. She thought, for sure, the two of you would have eloped about a month in."

"Doesn't sound like us."

"No, but she's a hopeless romantic. She's living a bit vicariously. She's been in a bit of a slump since her and Dean broke up."

"He wasn't good enough for her anyway."

"She knows that, but she did like the company."

"I know. We'll have to get her back out there." Emily's eyes narrowed. "Actually… I know someone that makes me think of her every time I see him."

"Oh. Do tell."

"His name is Nick Cooke. He's a computer science professor who creates apps in his free time. Games, useful apps… all kinds of things."

"Sounds promising, but is he handsome?"

"Dark hair, dark eyes. Like a hairier, slightly less buff, nerdier version of Derek."

"Well, I'm sold. When can we make this happen?"

"I'll see if he's interested before I bring it to Pen. One step at a time."

"Alright. Alright. She can handle the single life a little longer."

"I can show you his employee profile," Emily smirked.

"Yes!"

The two women gossiped and caught up a bit, something they hadn't done as much of as they'd have liked lately. With everything in her personal life and the cases the team had, time outside of the home was rarer these days. It was something they all understood, especially knowing the struggle of moving and unexpected drama, but they all made a point to set some summer plans.

Needless to say, the impromptu engagement party was a good first step. It brought everyone together again with no one being hurt, no one being put to work, and everyone just having a joyous time.

It was a perfect start to their next chapter. Nothing had really changed after their engagement except for a pretty little ring on her finger and more concrete talk about wedding dates and plans. Mostly, though, planning was minimal. They were in no rush and didn't really want anything big.

It was just a happy time, and they wanted to enjoy it. No pressure.

So, they focused on family. Nate's birthday came and went. He was nearly a teenager and had teen angst to prove it. He grew another inch in height and attitude. They had a small celebration with just the family, low-key since James was still recovering. Hotch and Emily took him and a few friends to a carnival that was happening in a nearby town. It was just enough celebration to make him feel happy and loved without making things too hectic. He had a special day with James and Collin too, which was, perhaps, the highlight of his birthday.

The school year was soon over, and that meant the family trip. There would be few more with all of them together, so, despite wondering whether it was the best financial decision, they decided to go for it. They had money put away and could still pay their bills, so it would be fine.

This year, they chose Mexico. It allowed for a shorter plane ride, kept them close enough that if anything happened with James, they could get home relatively quickly, and it allowed for some beach relaxation on top of visiting some landmarks. Exploring the Mayan ruins in the morning and snorkeling with dolphins at night was a hell of a good time.

All of it was good fun, and well earned. Despite Nate's anxiety over James, he found a way to really get into the trip and enjoy himself too. So, it was just what they needed. The sightseeing tired them out and the beach sitting offered the scenic relaxation they needed to recoup.

Emily and Hotch seriously considered getting hitched under the fading sun one night, sand between their toes and the two best men as their witnesses but thought to hold out a little longer.

"We're only doing this once. Let's do it right."

"I don't want a big wedding," Emily said. "Simple. Just us and our family."

"That's all I want too."

He reached his hand out to hers, meeting in the sand between them. They sat there in the sand watching their boys, holding each other, and, not for the first time, he felt so grateful for her. He was so grateful that she made it through that accident relatively unscathed and that she lived through all the trauma in the past.

He was grateful that he found someone who accepted him so completely. She never questioned his commitment to the job or guilted him after canceling plans. She never tried to change his views or argue with him to no end.

They had their differences. They had their own opinions. They had their fights, of course, but they were never serious. They were bumps in the road that left them better for it.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Emily asked.

"Like what?"

"Like you want to eat me… or stalk me."

"Maybe I do," he teased. "I'm just happy… Happy we're here together… as a family."

"Me too. I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be."

"We should start planning when we get home."

"The wedding?"

"Yes. We can talk dates and venues… the whole nine yards."

"I thought we agreed on small and simple."

"We did, but those things don't mean it can't be everything you dreamed of when you were a girl."

"How do you know I dreamed of any wedding?"

"Didn't you?"

"I may have thrown a doll wedding a time or two, but I was never any Disney princess. I'd like to wear a nice dress, but it doesn't have to be a true wedding gown, and I'd like to have a small gathering with our friends and family, but nothing big… Just something intimate."

"But still special and beautiful. We can have the perfect wedding and not go overboard. I've been married, but you haven't. I'm hoping this will be your only marriage, so I want this to be everything you've dreamed of."

"Hotch, it's not about the wedding. It's about the marriage. We could have a courthouse wedding, and I wouldn't care at all as long as we're happy and treat each other right."

"I want the day to be perfect for you. No courthouse wedding for you."

"With you by my side, it would be perfect."

"We'll think on it. We'll find a happy medium."

"Actually, I had an idea, but we'll discuss it after vacation. Right now, it's just family, sun, and fun."

"Perfect."

They didn't speak of plans or planning again during their vacation. Rather, time was spent just focused on each other and their kids. The last few carefree days were absolutely amazing. They returned home happier and more united than they left.

Of course, the vacation didn't erase reality. James was still healing, and the occasional seizure took its toll. That was taxing on Nate, especially when he was around to watch it happen. Not only that, but he could see his father falling into old patterns after a seizure. His temper would be short and his fatigue high. It made things difficult. The surgery definitely helped, but it was finally hitting Nate just how permanent the epilepsy was.

His father would never be the same person, the same carefree – carefree in his naïve eyes – and easy-going man he once was. The surgeries and the period of no seizures gave him a false hope. But that wasn't there anymore. The glass was shattered and now he was picking up the pieces.

Emily tried to help, but, ultimately, it was Hotch that got through to him. Hotch and the therapist in combination helped him become him again. Emily would credit Hotch more than the therapist. Dr. Garland was great, but there was nothing like a little connection and comfort from someone you loved to help a person feel a little less alone in their suffering.

"I didn't really like my father," Hotch told Nate as they tossed the ball around in the backyard.

"Why not?"

"He didn't treat my mother right. He didn't treat any of us right."

"He hurt you?" Nate asked.

"He hurt a lot of people. He wasn't a very good guy, but sometimes, he did really thoughtful things. It's the opposite of your dad. Your dad is generally good, but sometimes he does hurtful things."

"Yeah."

"And then my dad got sick."

"Like my dad?"

"A little different. He had cancer. I had to watch him get sicker and sicker, until one day, he was just too sick to keep going."

"He died," Nate stated.

"He did. I know you're scared of that happening to your dad, but he isn't going to die. Not anytime soon if he can help it. I know things have been rough. Watching your dad suffer, no matter the good and bad that happened between you, is incredibly hard. Watching him change, and act out, act in ways so unlike himself… I've been through that. It's not easy, especially not for a kid."

"I'm not a kid."

"Maybe not. You're certainly acting beyond your years. I'm proud of you, Nate."

"Why?"

"For so many reasons all the time, but, right now, I'm proud of how strong you are. You're so brave and so strong. Sometimes being strong means asking for help, letting others be there for you and support you. You're not afraid to let that happen. You're a great young man, Nate. I know your mom and dad are proud of you too."

Hotch slowly eased into things until Nate let out a rant of feelings, expressing his anger and frustration and sadness with the situation. The conversation was the beginning of Nate opening up to them more. Instead of acting out as much, though it still happened on occasion, he would do something more constructive.

It wasn't always talking. Sometimes, he just didn't feel like that. But he would play his guitar or ask Hotch to play ball with him. He even asked Emily a time or two, though she was a little less fun when it came to sports. She blamed the bum shoulder, and maybe that was part of it, but, it seemed that, despite her superior marksmanship, her hand-eye coordination when it came to pitching a fastball was about as coordinated as a newborn calf. It wasn't great.

Nate enjoyed the play time anyway.

Emily did too.

By the time the fall rolled around and school was back in session, the family seemed to be in full sync and pretty happy.

James' seizures eventually went away, but it was a long process. Emily was back to work full time. She taught a few online classes over the summer, but she much preferred the live give and take of a classroom to flat, cookie-cutter online teaching. Jack was in his second year of high school and out of that awkward, transitional freshman stage of things. Hotch had been making it a point to spend less time at the office. He brought work home sometimes, but everyone liked to have him around. If that meant he worked on some paperwork while they watched a movie, then it was fine. He was there and available when he was needed.

It was different, but Emily really liked it. They had more together time.

"How long do you think you'll be with the BAU?" Emily asked one day.

The holiday season was rapidly approaching, they still hadn't done anything official for their wedding, and, though it didn't bother either of them, the rest of their friends were concerned they were backing out. Somehow, that brought Emily to this question.

Their future was on her mind, and she could tell something was weighing on Hotch as well.

"Trying to tell me I've reached retirement age?"

"For the FBI and field work? Maybe. But Rossi manages, and you're in great shape. You could last a long time. I'm just asking what your plans are… What our plans are."

"_Our _plans are something we figure out together."

"That's why I'm asking. We talk about what we're going to do when the kids are out of the house and we retire, but every time we talk about it, it's not really clear when that might be."

"Do you want me to retire?"

"No… I mean not no, as in never, but I just want you to be happy. If working until your dying day makes you happy, I wouldn't fight you on that. At the same time, I'd like to have a solid picture of the future, not just the many perfect scenarios we've come up with."

"You just want to know what you'll be saddled with."

"That's not it either. I think… I just think I want to think more realistically about our future. If you want to work until your 100, then you do that, and we can take short trips when you have the time. If you wanted to retire today, then we get a jump start on those future plans. I'm just ready to start our future."

"I feel like we've been working on our future." His hand reached out for hers. "Are you saying you're ready to get married?"

"I've been ready."

"But ready to actually walk down the aisle?"

"I told you I would have walked down to the courthouse and marry you any day. I'd do it right now. Come on," she said, standing and pulling his with her. "Let's go. Let's do this right now."

"Emily," he pulled her back. "Hang on. I don't doubt you, but we're not getting married like that. Not without the boys and our family. But let's make a plan. A real one. About the wedding… and maybe some less hypothetical plans for our future."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Remember what you suggested in Mexico for the wedding? I think we should do that."

"Really? You're that ready?"

"Yeah. I'm ready."

"Me too. I'll make some calls, and make sure one of my nicer suits still fit."

"I'll tell the boys. Get them suited too."

"I'm glad you want this."

"I'm just sorry I put it off."

She was about to walk away when he gripped her hand.

"I'm not ready to retire just yet," he said, "But give me another few years and we can talk about that again."

"I'm not in a rush. Not yet. I just want to be realistic about our future."

"We'll have an amazing future. That's all there is to plan for."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Emily. Now, I think we have some wedding planning to get done."

"We do."

"Get on it," he said, playfully swatting her butt.

"None of that mister or this shindig won't ever get planned."

"Can't have that."

Hotch just smiled as he watched her go.

It was happening. In a matter of months, they would be man and wife. But there was something he had to do before that could happen.

To ensure that everything went smoothly, the next day, Hotch took a detour on his way home from work and went by to see James.

The man was in good spirits that day. His seizures came and went. They were still trying to find a medicine that best controlled the episodes with the least side effects. The good day made their discussion a little easier.

"What are you doing here?" James aske curiously, maybe a tad worriedly.

Collin stepped in.

"What he means is, how are you, Hotch? What can we do for you?"

"I just wanted to check in, maybe talk for a minute."

"Come in. Take a seat," Collin said. "We were just about to eat. Would you like to join us?"

"Thanks for the offer, but dinner's waiting for me at home."

James ushered him in.

"I can see that I'm intruding, so I'll cut to the chase. Emily and I are getting married."

"That's not news," James said, "Emily told me when you proposed, and Nate brings up all the time how you're going to be his dad now too. Can't say I'm thrilled about that part, but not much changing it."

Hotch could understand what he was saying and why he was feeling some resentment, but that wasn't what he wanted for this conversation.

"Nate knows that you're his father, James. He loves you, and I won't be replacing you or Vince. I'm just going to be exactly what I have been, another man he can count on in his life. Just like Collin."

Hotch sighed.

"But what I meant when I said we're getting married is that we've set a date. Everyone else isn't going to know until they show up, but I thought you deserved a little warning."

"How nice."

"Don't be an ass, James," Collin told his partner, knowing the sarcastic remark could be misconstrued. "When is it?"

"We're keeping it low key, just the close family and friends. It'll be the weekend before Thanksgiving. It's semi-formal, so you'd have to make a bit of an effort, but I know it would mean a lot to Emily and Nate if you would come. Collin, of course, you're invited as well. Now," he said, leaning forward in the seat, "I know things between us haven't been great, but I'd like to think we've made strides to be civil, friendly even. There's no love lost between us. That's clear, but I promise you, James, that I love your son. I love the family we have created. I'm not asking your permission to marry her, but I would like your support, and I know they would too. So, please don't say anything about the surprise, but come. Please come."

James wasn't sure it as a good idea for him to be there. He had been openly vocal about not liking Hotch before. Times had changed, but given recent circumstances, he didn't want to be an unwelcomed guest there.

"Why do you want me there? What good would that bring?"

"The truth of the matter is that you're family. We're family. We may not always get along, and sometimes I want to erase you from our lives because I see the hurt you cause the people I love, but I know that not having you around would be worse for them. Whatever Emily thinks she feels about you, I know she loves you. She wants you there, she wants you to be okay with our choice, and it's important to me too."

"Why?"

"Because you're the most important man in Nate's life. Having you there will make him feel like it's ok to be happy about the marriage. I know he tries not to be too happy around you. Let him be happy, James. Support us to support him."

James sighed.

"I only ever wanted him to be happy… for Emily to be happy too."

"I believe you, James. I'm asking you to prove that. We've had conversations like this before, but now is when it counts. Come to the wedding, show Nate you've given us your blessing, and be a part of the family we've created, or don't, and ostracize yourself from us further."

James looked to Collin who gave a subtle, pleading nod.

"I'll be there," he conceded.

"Great. I hope you mean that, and I hope you'll try to be happy for us."

Collin grabbed James' hand in support, letting him know how proud he was.

"I'll give you a call with all the details soon."

"Okay."

Hotch left things there and took his leave, not wanting to muddy the calming waters. Unbeknownst to him, Emily had a similar conversation with Jessica as the date grew closer. She knew the woman held some hurt feelings when it came to her relationship with Hotch and Jack, but Emily wanted to make sure the Jessica was on board with things.

Jessica made it clear that she was past whatever mixed feelings she might have had. They would never be best friends, but she saw how good Emily was for Hotch and Jack, so she accepted them. It wasn't a quick path. It took her some time and some bad behavior before reaching that point, but she was there.

"I'm happy for the both of you. Jack loves you, and you treat him well. That's all that matters to me, and I know Haley would be happy about this too."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. She and Aaron loved each other, but they grew apart. With the divorce, I knew that she would have wanted him to move on and find someone like you who accepted him and his job and who loved her son."

"That means a lot to me Jessica. Thank you."

"Just let me know when to be there, and I'll be there."

Emily hugged the woman, one of the few close moments they ever shared, but, in that moment, Emily finally felt like she would have had Haley's approval. Winning over Haley's family, even just a little, gave Emily comfort.

Now, they just had to get things set.

It didn't take much. They weren't extravagant people. Still, they wanted it to be uniquely them. Invitations were rather informal. The only people they were inviting were those who mattered. The team. Emily's mother. James, Collin, and Jessica.

Emily even found a nice dress. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was beautiful. The white bodice fit her perfectly and the lace draping was just exquisite. She loved that it didn't automatically scream wedding gown, but still fit the bill.

The men in her life were outfitted with nice suits. Both the boys had vastly outgrown theirs and needed new ones, but it was worth it. Having a suit on hand could come in handy. Hotch had taught them that.

Emily's birthday passed, and Halloween, then Henry's birthday too.

The next thing they knew, it was the Saturday before Thanksgiving. They were arriving at the venue, an intimate little restaurant with a lovely indoor garden. The priest, a Prentiss family friend, was there waiting. All their family began arriving. The moment was approaching. There were never two people as ready for it as they were.

"We're doing this," he said.

"We are," she agreed.

"No backing out."

"I couldn't even if I wanted to," she responded, the biggest grin of excitement.

Their happy ending wasn't going to be picture perfect. Nothing ever was. But they were well on their way to a happily ever after.


	67. To the Future

**Chapter 67: To the Future**

When Emily was a child, she never dreamt about her life being a fairytale or living a perfect life with a happily ever after. She learned early on that just wasn't in the cards for her. A lot of uproar and instability, she was prepared for. Happiness, she was not.

So, letting the Hotchner family into her heart and, more so, into such an integral part of her life, wasn't easy. It took some work on both their parts, but they got there, and they were happy.

They had been for a while. The wedding just gave their happiness a more official welcoming party.

_The family had all gathered around the table, seated, and waiting for them. Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best and looking dashing. Little Michael had captured everyone's attention dancing around in his little vest and slacks. For a moment, as Hotch and Emily entered the room, the two just silently watched, huge grins on their faces._

_When Michael finally tired out, the couple took the moment to approach the table. _

"_Mom," Nate said, bringing attention to their arrival. "Can we tell them now?"_

"_Leave that to us, okay Nate?" Hotch said. _

"_Yeah."_

"_Well, we'd like to start by thanking you all for coming today," Emily began. "We know we all had plans for the actual holiday, but we still wanted to get together. I'm just happy we could all make it today."_

"_We also know we told everyone to come with an appetite. You're all hungry, I'm sure, and we'll get to the feast soon enough, but we hope you can hold out for a little longer."_

"_What's going on?" Pen asked. _

"_We have to admit that we've invited you here with an ulterior motive."_

_The group, most of them, looked on with curious, squinted gazes. _

"_Some of you may have talked with Father Egan. He has graciously agreed to join us for the festivities."_

"_Oh. My. Cyber Gods. Is what I think is happening, happening?"_

"_We're getting married," Emily said. _

_Hotch added, "Here and now."_

"_What?!" It seemed a collective remark. _

"_We know we didn't give you any warning, but we really didn't want to make it a thing. Simple, intimate, and sensible. That's us."_

"_There's nothing simple about you," Derek stated. _

_They ignored the remark. _

"_If there are no objections, we'd like to do this now, with you all by our sides."_

_JJ stood up and said, "We've better do some last minute touch ups then. That's what a matron of honor is for."_

"_Hey," Pen abruptly remarked. "You can't just claim the title. Emily, tell her she can't just claim it."_

"_Now, now children. Behave," Emily teased, allowing the women to sweep her away. _

_They did some touch ups on her make up while the rest of the group chatted. Emily asked the two women if they would mind being bride-maids rather than either claiming maid-of-honor. _

"_I know you both may be expecting to be my maid of honor, and you both mean so much to me. I just don't think I can choose between you. So, and please don't take this personally, I've asked Jack to be my man of honor, and Hotch asked Nate to be his best man."_

"_Oh," Pen said, eyes watering. "That just be the most adorable, sweetest thing I've ever heard."_

_She fanned at her eyes, attempting to keep the tears at bay._

"_Hey. No crying. This is my special day and there will be no tears."_

"_They're happy tears," Elizabeth added. "We're all very happy for you."_

"_Thanks Mom. And thanks for all your help with this."_

"_It's my pleasure. Really. I… I always dreamed we would plan your wedding together. Might not be exactly as I imagined, certainly not as extravagant, but I'm glad I could give you exactly what you wanted."_

"_You have no idea how much it means." She sniffled. "But enough with this. My two best little guys and my groom are waiting for me."_

_JJ held out a hand to Emily and told her, "Then let's get you hitched."_

_Jack was waiting for her when she exited the bathroom. "Dad just sent me to see how things are going. Are you ready?"_

"_Absolutely. Ready to be the man of honor?"_

"_Piece of cake."_

_Elizabeth walked Emily down the makeshift aisle that was lined with the select group of family and friends they wanted to include. The one thing Emily noticed was that everyone looked as happy as she felt. _

"_Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked as they approached Hotch._

"_More than. I'm perfect."_

_Elizabeth gave a watery smile and continued to saunter on with her daughter until she was handed off to Hotch. _

_The ceremony was simple. Vows were kept traditional. They didn't need to write their own vows to know how the other felt. Those were constantly shared in private. _

_Rings were exchanged, I dos were shared, and then they were official. Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner were named. The restaurant rang with cheers. _

_There was no real wow-factor. Things were low key and private, yet they couldn't have asked for a better day._

Emily Hotchner became her official name by Christmas, but she stayed Professor Prentiss at work. Things from the moment they were wed to months later were just as busy as they had been. Things didn't slow down for them to constantly celebrate. Their honeymoon was a weekend away at the cabin they had their first official date.

Then Christmas hit and the spring started to make its appearance.

Now, Emily was exhausted. The college semester was at its busy point. Advising students was both rewarding and draining. Some were so enthusiastic and energized; others were unprepared and frustrating at times. Working with Bailey on her thesis project and taking on more responsibilities had been great, but, some days, she was just drop dead tired by the time she got home. Today was one of those days.

She wanted nothing more than to get home, slip into her new jacuzzi tub, and relax to some jazz before everyone else got home. Sometimes, she enjoyed that everyone had activities. It allowed her some cool down time to recoup.

Only this time, she wasn't as alone as she thought.

When she got into the house, soft music was already playing. No one was supposed to be there, so it caught her off guard. On alert, she tracked the sound to Jack's bedroom. Figuring he must have come home early, she went over to the room, smile on her face, and gently knocked as she pushed open the ajar door.

"Hey Jack. I didn't know you'd be… home…" the thought trailed off as she took in the scene.

Her stepson was on his bed, half dressed, with an equally undressed girl.

"It's not what it looks like," Jack was quick to say, pushing the girl away.

Squeezing her fists and taking a quick, calming breath, Emily asked, "Hon, what's your name?"

"Hannah," she stuttered.

"Hannah, I think it's time for you to go home. Get yourself decent and go, please."

The girl silently nodded, grabbed her shirt and shoes, and ran off, leaving Emily and Jack there alone.

"Emily…"

"Get dressed, Jack," she interrupted. "We need to have a chat."

"Emily," he tried again.

"Now," she firmly stated, leaving no room for debate. "Five minutes. Meet me at the table in five."

That was all she said before frustratedly walking out of the room to calm down. She wasn't ready to be handling these kinds of parental moments, but there she was confronted with it. She had to be the one to deal with it. This was definitely not the afternoon she had planned.

She calmed a bit as she waited for Jack. She was trying to collect her thoughts, thinking back at her own childhood. She wanted to be mad at Jack, but didn't think she had the right, and all she could think of in that moment was a conversation she never had with her parents.

When Jack showed up, fully clothed, he made the effort to look apologetic, but it was lost on Emily who had her head in her hands, elbows resting on the table.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice low and clearly apologetic.

"Sit down, Jack," she responded, finally looking up.

"Please don't tell my dad," he plead.

She offered a small smile that spoke volumes. She felt for the kid. Truly, she did.

"You can't ask me to lie to your father. That's not what we do. But I won't be the one to tell him. You will."

"What?"

"Listen, Jack, we're going to have a talk, and what happens after that is up to you."

He nodded and asked, "Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad," she said. "I'm disappointed."

That was worse, he felt.

"I'm not going to tell you that what you did was wrong. Sex is a natural part of life."

"We weren't… I… That's not what happened."

"We don't need to get into the details about what you were and were not doing. But you want to make adult choices and do adult things, so we're going to talk like adults," Emily told him.

"Al–alright."

"Sex is natural. It's something _adults_ do, and, mostly, enjoy. It's something I enjoy."

Snarling, Jack said, "That's disgusting."

"Relax, Jack. I'm not saying anything you shouldn't be able to hear. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to talk about it."

"Maybe I'm not…"

"Seems a little late for that now. We're not going to talk about any gory details, alright? I don't want to know anything like that, and I'm sure you don't want that either."

He shook his head in disgust, confirming her beliefs.

"But I'm going to have a conversation with you that I wish someone had with me when I was your age. Can you handle that?"

"Yes," Jack agreed.

"It's ok to have sex. I'd prefer you didn't until you were old and gray, but that's not likely to happen. So, what I will tell you is that it needs to be safe."

"I know."

"No… I don't think you do. There will be times when you think it won't matter, one time won't matter. I'm telling you it does. You're old enough to make your own choices. Have sex or don't, that's your choice, but there are somethings you need to consider."

Jack squirmed in his seat, uncomfortable with it all, but he hung on to every word, nonetheless.

"Be safe, yes. Always use protection. That's important. Unless you're ready for kids, that's a must. Trust me, you're not ready. You have a lot of life left to live before you're ready. Other than that, though, make sure you're both ok with it. Sex is a mutual experience. Never pressure a girl, and don't let anyone pressure you. That can happen, and it's ok to say no if you don't want to do it. If you're both not into it, then don't do it. It's no fun that way. And if you're drunk or she's drunk, too drunk to consent, don't do it."

She let her words sink in and watched him digest them.

"Has that ever happened to you?" Jack asked, his voice meek and quiet.

"Has what happened?"

"Were you ever… Did someone ever…"

"Was I raped? No, I was never forced to do something I said no to, but there were times that I did things I didn't really want to because I felt I had to."

"How is that different?"

"Growing up is hard sometimes, Jack. I'm sure you know that by now. I'd like to say it's easier for guys, but I don't know that. The truth is that it's hard on everyone. Being a teenager is awkward and confusing. There's a lot of peer pressure, a lot of need to fit in… All of that sometimes leads to bad choices. It happens, but I want you to be smarter than I ever was. I don't want you or Nate to experience even half of the bad your father and I have. This is why we're talking. I think the difference between feeling pressured and being raped is that I didn't say no. I willingly went along with things."

"But you didn't want it?"

She sighed and responded, "I thought I did. I thought that doing things even when I didn't really want to would get me the friendship and love that I craved."

"But it didn't?"

"It never does. All it got me was a lot of trouble and heartache. While you can't always avoid the bad in life, I can help prevent some of those things for you."

"I'm sorry," he told her. "That you went through that."

"It's ok, Jack. Thank you, but it's ok. I worked hard on myself to get where I am today, and I am happy with where that is, with my three amazing men. Things happen, even when we aren't expecting them to, so that's why we're having this talk."

"Be safe, always get consent, and make sure I want it, too…"

"That's the gist of it. Mostly, Jack, I want you to make smart decisions. Don't worry about what other kids your age are doing or what other people want you to do. Just do what's right for you."

"How do I know what's right?"

"You'll feel it. You'll know."

"Alright."

"Whatever you feel, I'm telling you it's ok to feel. Because it is. If you want to have sex, I can't stop you, but I ask that you respect the rules of this house. You know you're not allowed to have girls over, or anyone over and alone in your room without our knowledge."

"I know."

"And it's disrespectful to have done that."

"I know that too. I'm sorry."

"Don't let it happen again. We trust you, Jack, but if you continue to give us reasons not to, things around here will be different."

"I won't do it again. I just… She wasn't going to stay…"

"So, you were just planning on sleeping with her and kicking her out?"

"What? No! I told you it wasn't like that. We were… She's… She's my girlfriend and she asked if she could come over on our way home… I didn't mean for things to go like that. I was just going to let her hang out and call to make sure it was ok, but we… got caught up."

"Getting caught up is problematic."

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"We've been over that, Jack. I know you are, but I need to make sure you understand why it was wrong."

"Because I broke the rules."

"You did, but not just that one. You weren't supposed to be home. We don't want to police you, but it's important we have an idea of where you are at any given time. You were supposed to be at practice."

"Coach had to go to a funeral…"

"You should have called or texted one of us as soon as you knew. We give you a lot of freedom because we feel we can trust you to let us know things. Were we wrong to do that?"

"No," Jack was quick to say. "I'm sorry. I really am. Hannah and I were talking… I got distracted and then I figured it would be ok as long as I let you know when I got home."

"But you didn't…"

"I didn't…"

"That's what I mean, Jack. I'm not here to police you, but these rules are in place for a reason. Think of it as mutually beneficial. Just as I didn't want to walk in on you and Hannah like I did today, you wouldn't want to walk in on your father and I…"

"Don't even say it, please," he begged.

"The rules are there to prevent these situations. I'm trying not to be upset about what I saw because I know you're growing up and I know these things… happen, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with it."

"I know."

"So, here's the deal. I won't make you tell your father, but you're not allowed to have any girl over at the house unless your father and I are home, and, even then, the door stays open the whole time. And for the next two weeks, no one comes over and you don't go out."

"But –"

"No but… You're not being punished. You need to earn back my trust. That's how adulting works. Welcome to the real world."

He just sighed and nodded. He understood that he didn't paint himself in the best light by not doing what he knew he was supposed to and blatantly abusing his freedoms.

"Promise me that you'll be safe… if you're not having sex now, promise that you will when the time comes, and if you are, just be smart. Use that big brain of yours to make good choices."

"I promise."

"Know that, even if it's uncomfortable, you can talk to me about anything."

"I know I can," he confirmed. "You're a pretty cool mom, Emily."

"Thank you, Jack. I think you're a pretty cool son."

He bit his tongue for a second before saying, "I haven't… We haven't done anything yet, but I promise we'll be safe, and nothing will happen if we both don't want it to."

"Okay…" Emily said, trying to keep her nervous mom energy under wraps.

"That's it?"

"That's it. Like I said, I can't stop you from doing what you're going to do, so I rather teach you that it's ok to do it but be smart. There's a box of condoms in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I want you to take some."

"You so ruined this. I don't want yours and dad's condoms."

"We haven't used them, Jack."

"Ugh, so gross."

Emily laughed.

"I will never count how many are in there. I'll replace them every so often. They expire, you should know that. You can take whatever you need. Just… Use them when the time comes. That's all I ask."

"Alright. Got it."

"This Hannah girl, you like her?"

"Yeah… I do."

"Then, in a couple of weeks, once the sting of humiliation wears off, invite her over for dinner. Your dad and I would like to meet her."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Jack. We want to be a part of your life and know the people you care about."

"I'll ask her."

"Good… So, want to forget this little… incident ever happened and go do a driving lesson? Your test is coming up soon."

"Yes. Please. You don't mind?"

"I don't mind. I'm going to get changed and then we can go. Grab the keys."

"Thanks," he told her. "For… everything."

"No problem."

She winked and walked away. Her bath plans were tossed out now, and she was ok with that. Their talk opened the lines of communication even further than they had been in the past. While they were driving, they talked about his future and his plans. College was a given, but he was unsure where he wanted to go. Hannah, Emily learned, was thinking about art school. That wasn't for Jack, but if she was going to New York or California, he could follow.

Emily was quick to tell him that he couldn't make life choices based on other's choices. "College is a choice only you can make. Where you want to go is based only on what's right for you. No one else should be a factor."

"Money and acceptance are kind of a factor," he said.

"Yes, but before application season hits this fall, we'll have an honest talk about where you might want to go and what might be a stretch, but it can't hurt to try for the stars. We have money put away for both you and Nate for college. Depending on where you go, it might cover four years, but, again, we'll work out the details when the time comes."

"You know, you're very nonchalant about things. Dad would have killed me today."

"Your dad can be a stick in the mud, sometimes. He's certainly a man of rules and regulation, but I remember what it was like being your age and the mess I was in all the time. Trust me, you're one hundred times more put together than I was at your age."

"I doubt that."

"Just ask my mother when we see her for dinner this week. I'm sure she'd be happy to tell you all about what a pain in the ass I was."

"She did say you were a rebel."

"That's one word for it."

"That's not what you'd call it?"

"No. My childhood wasn't like yours. I grew up mostly alone. We moved constantly. My dad died when I was young, and my mom was rarely around. Even when my mom was around, she wasn't paying attention to me. That's not to say she didn't love me. I know my parents did, but they were invested in their careers and, sometimes, that meant I got pushed aside. So, I acted out. It wasn't to get her attention or to rebel. It was just what I thought I needed to do. It was what the crowd of people who noticed me wherever we were was doing, so I felt I had to, too."

"That sucks."

"But it's the past. Now my mother and I have a good relationship and I can help my kids feel more secure than I ever did."

"You do, you know… make us feel safe and happy."

Emily's hand reached over to his as they stopped at a red light, and she squeezed it.

"Thanks for saying that. Now, next light, take a left."

"Where are we going?"

"You're picking up Nate from his dad's."

"Sweet. I'm getting pretty good at this."

"You haven't killed us yet. I guess that can be counted as good."

"Don't lie. You're going to love having me chauffer Nate around."

"You better bet I'm going to capitalize on that every chance I get."

She did, for sure. He got his license just before his 17th birthday. Emily and Hotch gave him Hotch's old car as a gift and to show him that he had their trust, they were proud of him, and that he had the freedom he needed to grow up.

It was well received by both kids.

"This means I'm going to get a car when I can drive, too, right?"

"Only if you continue to be the little gentleman you are."

"No promises," he teased.

Nate was an interesting teenager, definitely hitting the awkward years. His voice broke and everything started changing. Hotch and James had to have talks with him that Emily had no idea how to even approach. He was 15 now, definitely not the most outgoing kid in the world, but he held his own.

It was amazing to see his growth. The sheltered kid he was when Emily first came back into his life, now was in a band. Outside of his family, he made his own group of friends that loved music as much as he did. That was a far cry from the little boy who didn't even know what a friend was.

Emily was proud of him.

That wasn't to say that him as a teenager was a breeze. Emily and James didn't always share the same ideas about what should and should not be done. Nate, smart as he was, used that to his advantage, knowing who to ask what to get what he wanted.

Things got rough when James had some medical problems around the same time that they were touring colleges for Jack. The threat of losing his dad and his brother, albeit in different ways, hit him hard and fast. It was the first time they caught him drinking.

It sent Emily into a tailspin.

"He's 15, Hotch."

"He's acting out. Jack's leaving. James had a minor heart attack. He's just upset."

"But drinking?"

"It's horrible and we're going to address this, but you can't say that you've never overindulged as a teen."

"I did, and that's the problem here. I was that teenager, the one that did everything they weren't supposed to. Drink, sure, all the time, especially in countries where drinking age was lower. Smoke, definitely and not just cigarettes. Drugs? If someone offered, I wasn't opposed to trying. I know the trouble that leads to. I don't want Nate to be me."

"He could do a lot worse than be like you, even at your worst. Emily, honey, he's upset, and we always knew he wasn't the best at dealing with things that scare him like this. The big life and death, major adjustments in his life. But he has us, and he has the tools he needs to handle this. We just have to be here and give him the chance to work through this."

"It doesn't feel like that."

"He will. Jack is going to Georgetown, so he won't be too far away. James is on the mend. His husband is taking good care of him and the doctors are just suggesting a lifestyle change."

"Collin is good at getting James to do what he needs."

"Exactly. Everything will be ok."

She wanted to believe that, but she also didn't want to take any chances, so she sent Nate to a teen substance abuse meeting once a week as his punishment, or, rather, a learning experience. She needed him to understand that alcohol and drugs couldn't be his crutch.

It helped. Slowly, even when Jack went away to college and James still struggled with his health, Nate got back on the straight and narrow. By the following year, Nate was ecstatic to start driving and look at his own future. He knew he loved music, and that would always stay in his life, but he didn't want to be a Rockstar or anything.

Emily was a little saddened by his cynical nature and his lack of faith that he could make it big like that because he was talented and utterly amazing, but she was also proud of his logical and practical side. There were things, ambitions, he wanted to pursue more.

They were going to have an empty nest and two college students soon enough. It was sad and also invigorating.

Like Jack, Nate received a hand-me-down car for his 17th birthday. He earned it. He proved himself responsible and trustworthy enough to handle the responsibility of car ownership, especially after he cleaned up his act. That same week, they allowed him to drive them to Georgetown to visit Jack and help him pack up his dorm for the summer.

"Want a tour before you leave?" Jack asked his brother.

"Yeah. Show me what they have to offer."

They really just used it to get some brother time in before they got back on the road.

"How've you been, Nate?"

"Good. Really good, actually."

"How's Mindy?"

"Gone. We broke up last month, but it's ok."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah. It's fine, really. We weren't working."

"Alright. So, what else is new?"

"Mom and Hotch have been extra lovey-dovey lately. It's kind of sickening, but also nice to see them so happy."

"That's great, but I meant with you. We haven't talked much lately. I'm sorry about that. The end of the semester just got really busy."

"It's fine, Jack. I get it. I know I can call if I need to."

"Good, and you can. Now, tell me. What's going on with you?"

"I didn't tell our parents yet, but I got accepted into an internship program in the fall."

"That's amazing, Nate. Where?"

"When my dad had his heart attack, really over the last few years, I met a lot of doctors, and one of them runs a free clinic. Obviously, I'm not a doctor, but they have an internship for high school kids thinking about a career in medicine. I'll basically be a poorly paid receptionist and paper pusher, but it'll be fun to see what goes on there."

"That's so great, man. I'm happy for you. I didn't know you were thinking about being a doctor."

"I think about a lot of things. I don't know what I want to do yet, but I've spent a lot of time around doctors with my dad, so I've learned to like the environment. Maybe I'll go into it. Maybe I won't, but at least I'll have a better idea after this."

"You'll be awesome at it, whatever you decide. You got to tell mom and dad. They'll throw you a freaking party, they'll be so proud."

"I'll tell them later. Right now, I'm hanging out with my brother. I guess he's supposed to sell me on Georgetown so that I don't go away too far, but, I don't know. I don't think I'm feeling it."

"It's actually really great here. Seeing Emily around when I need her is nice, too."

"My mom is kind of great."

"Our mom is," Jack agreed. "Come on. I'll show you the music hall. You'll love that."

"Show me," Nate said, letting Jack lead the way.

The brothers had a nice time. Nate really did love the music hall and the school in general. He liked that his mom taught there and that his brother went there. He just wasn't sure what he wanted. Though, thankfully, he had some time to figure it out.

Jack would be coming home the following week for part of the summer. The family's plan was to go on the second round of college tours. Just like with Jack, they even let Nate drive some of the way during their long-distance drives.

By the time that trip was done, Nate had some ideas about where he wanted to go, but he kept them to himself. He knew that, just like they did with Jack, he would be sat down by his parents and they would discuss the financial situation and feasibility about where they could pay for him to go. They said they would never stop their kids from going wherever they wanted to go, but that this was how much they could afford and, if their school of choice was more expensive than that, they would need to get student loans.

That happened once college applications went in. By that point, Nate had the internship under his belt and was asked to continue there for the rest of the school year. He accepted.

It seemed that, from there, time just seemed to cruise by them all. Next thing they knew, college acceptances were being delivered and graduation was on the horizon.

"So," Nate said, sitting all his parents, step and birth parents, down. "I've decided where I'm going to school."

"Where?"

"I've decided on UPenn. I thought about it a lot, and I think that's my best choice. Plus, I qualified for a partial scholarship."

"Oh Nate," Emily cried, squeezing her son in her arms. "I'm so proud of you. You have no idea just how proud we all are."

"I do. I do know. Thanks Mom."

It was hard to watch their boys grow up and leave them. It was hard to say goodbye when they dropped their second off at college. It was hard to go home to an empty house and stare at all their sons' leftover belongings knowing it would be a while before they saw either of them again.

They got through it, though: the empty nest syndrome, the vast amount of changes in their family, the ups and downs over the past decade. They got through it all, and they were stronger for it. Their futures were unknown, but they were all ready to enjoy the journey.

_25 years later…_

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"Perfect," he agreed. "She has your eyes."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. She'll be a looker. A heartbreaker just like her Nana."

"I think so. She's such a precious little thing."

"I don't know how we got so lucky."

"Two well-adjusted sons, better than either of us could have ever hoped. One a doctor and one an engineer, both happily married and giving us a bunch of grandchildren. Yeah, we are luckier than we ever should have been."

They stared at the newborn in Emily's arm, Nate's third child and the first girl born into the family. They truly felt like the luckiest people in the world.

"Little Emily," Hotch said to the baby, "You will forever be loved, cherished, and protected. There are so many people here who you can count on to be there for you, whatever you need."

Emily ran her hand over the soft, dark hair on her namesake's head.

"I love her so much already," Emily said. "My Emmy. I just hope we're both here long enough to see you grow up into the wonderful woman I know you'll be."

"Don't listen to her. We're going to live until we're 100."

"I do hope so," Emily said.

"Hey now," Hotch said, wiping a tear from her eye. "I thought the baby was supposed to be the one to cry. What's going on?"

"I'm just happy. There is so much to be happy about. Look around us. Two wonderful sons, two great daughters-in-law, and five grandchildren. It's just so much better than I could have imagined."

"For me too."

"I love the life we've lived, and no matter if I died today or twenty years from now, I know I'll die happy with many more generations of our family to go on."

"But let's not think about anyone dying just yet."

"I can give you that."

"Nana," a small voice came bounding their way. "Nana!"

"Hey MJ. What's going on big guy?" she asked Nate's oldest.

"Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Jack, Aunt Chrissie, Matt, Jake, Toby and me and Emmy want to give you and Nono our gifts."

"Sorry guys," Nate said, approaching his parents. "He's just excited that you were back from Tuscany to see the baby."

"My namesake? Of course, we are."

"Yeah, well, she was born on your anniversary and she looks just like you. Thought the name was fitting."

"I'm sure she'll wear it better than I ever did. She's a great baby already."

"She's something special. I only wish dad was around to see her."

"Me too, Nate. He… Both of them would have been so proud of everything."

"I know. But this isn't a sad occasion. Come on. Let me take my daughter back and you both can get your presents. Make the children happy."

Emily smiled and looked from her son, to her grandchildren, and then to her husband.

"What do you say Grandpa? Want to make some grandchildren happy? I hear there's even cake."

"I'm always in for some cake," he joked, helping her up from the seat.

Arm in arm, the two followed their jovial little grandson to the rest of the family to celebrate over 30 years together and the addition of another little life to their clan.

**THE END**…

…

Well, this is where it ends. Just wanted to take a second to thank everyone who read and came on this journey with me. Hope you enjoyed the ride.


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